"Yellow Water Tower" (Nothing is necessary) BOOK TWO: THE BATTLE By Mike Cote (ReddRaccoon@aol.com) All ANIMANIACS and TINY TOON ADVENTURES character names, and all related indicia are copyright 2002 by Warner Bros., Inc., a Time-Warner company, used without permission. Nothing in this story should be construed as a challenge to such copyright. All songs, used in whole, in part, or parodied, are copyright their respective owners. Nothing in this story should be construed as a challenge to such copyright. Melodies appearing in the story: "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds," copyright 1967 by Northern Songs, Ltd. "Stayin' Alive" copyright 1977 by the Bee Gees **AUTHOR'S NOTE** If you have not read "Yellow Water Tower Book 1", it is strongly suggested you do so. This story is the second half of a single work, and cannot be understood without first reading the other one. Heck, I wrote both of them, and I'm not even sure *I* understand this one. If you have read Book 1, but it was awhile back, you might want to do some light reviewing, because several obscure references to the first book appear. (A good rule of thumb is, if you don't understand it, look back at chapter three.) Of course, several obscure references to just about everything I've ever had any conscious knowledge of appear in this story, too. Good luck figuring those out. ON WITH THE STORY... CHAPTER SIX Living is easy with eyes closed Misunderstanding all you see It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out It doesn't matter much to me Let me take you down, ‘cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields Nothing is real And nothing to get hung about Strawberry Fields forever --The Beatles "Strawberry Fields Forever" Babs wondered to herself how a war could POSSIBLY start in such a tranquil place. It didn't make any sense to her as she wandered, her left arm hooked through Wakko's right arm, looking around in absolute awe of the wild vegetation around her. Above her, pinkish-purple broadleaf swayed to-and-fro in the gentle breath of air. The day was warm; not hot or uncomfortable, but a very moderate temperature, much like the kind of weather they had nine months out of the year back home...a home she was beginning to fear she'd never see again. Babs never in her wildest dreams think she'd venture to a place even more idyllic than her own Acme Acres, but she had. Woodstockland proved to be such a place, or rather, it would seem so if it weren't war-torn. She was completely lost in her own thoughts, her eyes darting between the large puffy clouds that hung lazily in the crystal clear sky above, or the yellow and aquamarine grass underneath her feet, which seemed as soft and plush as any carpet she'd ever stepped on. She ran her fingers across the wide orange and green petals of a daffodil-like flower, nearly as tall as she was. A loud, gastric noise snapped her out of her trance. She looked over to Wakko, who placed his hand over his stomach. He hunched over a bit. "I don't feel so good," he told her in a weak voice. Babs hadn't realized it before, but it had been over 24 hours since either one of them had eaten a scrap of food. Babs was hungry, but she figured she could hold out for at least another couple of hours, probably longer. She wasn't too sure about Wakko though. She was semi-consciously aware that their gait walking through the forest was gradually slowing, and with Wakko leading the way, it was probably because he was growing weary. "Do you need to rest for awhile?" she asked him. He shook his head. "Maybe we ought to stop anyway," she said. "I'm getting a little tired myself." They both sat down in the thick grass. It was almost as if they were sitting on pillows. Wakko was quiet as he sat there. Babs couldn't decide if it was because he was too weak to talk, or didn't really have anything to say. Either way, she didn't like it. "So," she started in an overly-nonchalant tone, "where do you think we need to go to find some help?" She waited for several seconds for an answer, but she soon figured out that no answer was coming. She looked around. A large, grass covered hill to the east of them caught her eye. "Maybe we ought to head over toward that hill," she said, pointing it out to Wakko. "It looks like it might lead down into a valley." "Babs," Wakko answered in a quiet voice. He obviously didn't want to talk about what direction they should travel. "I have something to tell you." She gave him a sideways glance, although she really wasn't aware she was doing it. "Okay," she told him, cautiously. "I, uh, I..." he began awkwardly. "Ever since we, y'know, fell? I, uh, I..." He paused, then cast his eyes toward the ground like he'd committed some terrible atrocity. Babs gulped. "Go ahead, Wakko," she told him. "You can tell me." He paused again. "It's my fault. I got you into this." Babs immediately cut him off. "No, it's not your fault," she told him. "Yes it is. If I hadn't wanted to get you to like me so much, I wouldn't have been sitting with you. You would've probably sat with Buster, and you would never have fallen out." His face turned as red as an overripe tomato. Babs's heart fell down into the pit of her stomach. Now she was feeling queasy, and it wasn't for lack of food, but an overabundance of guilt. Up to now, she had used Wakko to help her manipulate Buster's feelings. Now he was feeling lower than a snake's belly because he thought he'd somehow been the cause of their dilemma. In reality, she thought the lion's share of the blame went to herself. "It wasn't your fault, Wakko," she said in a voice that sounded every bit as weak as the one he'd been speaking with, maybe even more so. "It was..." "I saw them fall over here somewhere," an unfriendly-sounding voice called out from a distance. Babs's ears perked up. She looked around to see if she could find the person who'd said it. She couldn't, but she did get a clue. From over their heads, an ominous elongated flying machine's shadow fell on them. They both looked up and saw one of the midnight-black Led Zepplins hovering overhead, possibly the one that shot the water tower earlier. Both Wakko and Babs took short breaths, and held them tightly in their lungs as if their lives depended on it. They dared not make a sound. They looked at one another and silently agreed they needed to get out of there, and fast. Quietly they arose. Babs grabbed Wakko's hand as they quickly and stealthily moved toward the hill in the distance. Hopefully there would be a place to hide in the valley below. ***** "We ought to do something," Yakko said in an almost indifferent voice, rubbing his chin as if he were a psychologist coolly studying the behavior of lab monkeys. Both Buster and Dot stepped aside and motioned Yakko to the control panel. "You're the one who's been watching the Doc fly," Dot pointed out. "Well, yeah, but I wasn't paying ATTENTION," Yakko said defensively. Before anyone else could argue, Yakko put his hands out in a "stop" gesture. "Look," he said calmly, "it's obvious that one of us needs to do something. All we need to do now is decide who that person will be...ONETWOTHREENOTIT!" "Not it!" Dot followed only a split-second after her brother, and long before Buster even realized what had just happened. Yakko gave Buster a congratulatory pat on the back. "Good luck," he told him semi-sincerely. "And don't worry that we're going to crash and burn like dried-out firewood in less than 45 seconds if you don't save us. No pressure." Buster stared for a long second at the viewscreen, looking at the large red poll barn at the edge of a large wheat field they were nearing. Very closely. He couldn't even see the horizon any longer, just ground. He gulped hard, and tugged at the collar of his sweater. He needed to collect his thoughts. Slowly, Buster's eyes made their way around the water tower. They fell for a short time on, among other things, the "Regents of St. Elizabeth" portrait the Warners had hanging on their back wall. All seven men stared over their shoulders at him, then to the Warner fish bowl. Their goldfish seemed to be staring at him also; its eyes magnified hundreds of times over by the refraction of the light in the water. And finally, the eyes of the Warners' Bugs Bunny novelty phone stared back at him. "Don't screw dis up, kid," the Bugs Bunny statue told him, sending Buster leaping back in horror. He grabbed his chest, like his hand was the only thing preventing a heart attack. In between shallow breaths, he turned his head around to see Yakko, and then at Dot. Obviously, neither of them looked like they had seen it. They just stared at him as if he'd just grown another pair of eyes and two elephant tusks. Buster shot a quick look back at the plastic effigy of his mentor again. The phone stood perfectly still and inanimate. Just like an ordinary phone. He vigorously shook his head. Buster then turned his full attention to the control panel in front of him. A computerized voice announced in overly cheery fashion. "Warning: 15 seconds to impact. Have a great day." There was at least a hundred buttons on the control panel, all of them flashing at random intervals, without so much as a pattern for him to decipher. There might as well have been a million. Buster didn't have the slightest idea which one he should push to make the tower pull up and out of harm's way. He knew if he didn't act quickly, though, there might not be enough time left to level the ship out before they crashed. Buster shut his eyes tightly, and muttered a couple of phrases of positive thinking to himself that he'd seen on a recent infomercial. He closed his eyes, and pushed one of them. ***** The king sat quietly and waited. His arms were already starting to lose circulation, but there was little he could do about it. Once in awhile he would move them in as much of an up and down motion as his big, heavy iron chains, which were badly in need of rust remover, would allow. The chains rattled loudly anytime he did so. The chain's cuffs were tight around his wrist, which didn't help the blood flow to his hands any. A constant dripping of water from some unknown source was the only sound in the stone and mortar dungeon. It was perpetually dark and gloomy. The only glimmer of light came around four in the afternoon, when the sun was low enough to shine through the barred window which sat just above ground level on the western-facing back wall of the castle. The king could hear a key snap open the padlock on the heavy, oak door to the dungeon. It creaked open with the sound of ten people running all their fingernails over a chalkboard at once. The king squinted in pain at the noise. Two large Heebee Geebees entered the dungeon, carrying the king's one request that Maurice or his brothers, Barry and Robin, would allow. Following the Geebee guardsmen was Maurice himself, gnawing on a stick of Wrigley's Doublemint gum. Maurice instructed the men to stand the mirror in front of the king, which they did. The king looked at the mirror. He could see his own reflection as clearly in the dark, stinking dungeon as he could in a well-lit room. Maurice stopped gnashing on his chewing gum just long enough to comment. "Well, here you are, Woodstock." The king acknowledged with only a single nod of his head. Maurice gave the king a sideways glance. He looked at the mirror. He looked back at the king. "It really is a nice mirror," Maurice said. "I wouldn't mind having one of my own." Maurice paused. "I have just one question for you," he said in a tone which let the king know the upcoming statement was more of a demand for information than it was conversation. "Why do you want it down here with you?" "It is one of my most cherished possessions, hand crafted for me by one of my dearest friends," the king said matter-of-factly. "I would not have any of the clumsy oafs that you call soldiers breaking it. Nor would I have it become a spoil of my kingdom." Maurice chuckled a forced little chuckle and shook his head. "Woodstock, Woodstock, Woodstock. I'm not so petty that I'd steal it," he said. "Eventually, you will get tired of sitting in this dungeon with the rats and the cockroaches, you'll break down and sign my terms of surrender paper, and I will have your kingdom, but I have no interest in taking your personal possessions, save one. Now I ask again, why do you want it down here with you?" The king didn't answer. Maurice sighed heavily. "Fine, fine," he said exasperated. "Do as you like." He turned to leave, but before he got out the door, the king spoke. "Let ME ask YOU something," he said. "The last time you tried to overthrow me, we threw you out on your backside. How do you plan to make this work this time?" Maurice smiled evilly. A trace of saliva ran down to his chin. "Let's just say this time, I've got an insurance policy. A BIG insurance policy." The Heebee Geebee commander motioned to his men, and the men trudged out the door ahead of their commander. As Maurice was about to leave, he stuck his head back inside quickly, to add, with just a hint of embarrassment, "it really is BIG, I wasn't exaggerating." He pulled his head out of the dungeon, slamming and locking the door behind him. The king waited in silence for five minutes after they left, making absolutely certain they would not return. When it became clear they were gone, the king went to work, struggling to take off one ring off his fingers. The rings, all of them ornate and set with big stones in them, another of the gifts given to him by the friend that had also supplied the mirror, would be an unmistakable sign to his daughter. He struggled for a good fifteen minutes, trying to work the ring off the fourth finger of his right hand with his right thumb. The chains were so short that he couldn't even touch one hand with the other. He had cut the skin on his finger badly against the edge of the stone before working it up to the top knuckle, and was bleeding. With one more flick of his thumbnail, he popped the ring off into the air, and caught it in the same hand. Blood dripped down from his finger onto his fine coat. It was one of countless disgraces he had already swallowed that day (not the least of which was having to sit through a half-hour of some idiotic television program called "Three's Company", Maurice's favorite program, before he would negotiate the terms of surrender). Now all he had to do was throw the ring so that it came in contact with any part of the glass on the mirror. He carefully took aim, and threw. He hit only the brass mirror's stand, and not the mirror itself. The king sat in terror as the *ping* of his jewelry hitting the floor echoed through every corner of the dungeon. The ring rolled away from the mirror, and away from Woodstock. Just out of his reach. ***** He'd been trying to reach him all morning. Bugs Bunny hung up his phone, after hearing Buster's answering machine message for the 37th time. He had already left ten messages or so, and an equal amount at Babs's house. Bugs rubbed his chin. "Hmm," he thought. "I wonder where dose kids ran off to?" Reaching into his desk, Bugs pulled out his copy of the Looniversity campus directory. He dropped the humoungous book onto his desktop and started flipping through the pages, trying to think of someone else he could call, hoping they had seen Buster or Babs, or at least had some idea where they were. His eyes scrolled down to the letter D. "Duck, Plucky," Bugs said. With a shrug of his shoulders, Bugs proceeded to punch in the numbers 555-3665. The phone rang twice, before Bugs heard someone pick up on the other end. "Whaddya want?" the grouchy voice asked. "Um, is dis Plucky?" "Yeah, yeah. Hurry it up will ya'? I'm missing a marathon of 'Three's Company' reruns on TV Land!" "Uh, yeah, whatever. Dis is Bugs Bunny. I've been trying to get a hold of Buster for tree hours now, and I can't seem to find him anywheres. It's important." With a snort, Plucky replied "join the club. I've been trying to reach him since yesterday morning! I left one of my CDs at his house a couple of days ago, and I want it back! Knowing that irresponsible rabbit, he's probably scratched it up." Bugs heard some other voice, a higher-pitched, whining voice saying something like "c'mon Plucky, change the channel" on the other end. "Is dere somebody else dere wit' you?" "Yeah," Plucky said. "Hamton, Fifi and Shirley are all over here, too." "Can you ask dem if dey've seen Buster?" "I already have," Plucky told Bugs. "None of them have seen ol' blue ears, either." "Dat's very strange," Bugs said. "Well, if you do see him, let him know I was lookin' for him." Without any further acknowledgement of Bugs or any telephone courtesy whatsoever, Plucky hung up the phone, and moseyed back to the couch, which had a warp in one of the cushions; a perfect mold of Plucky's backside. "Like, who was that?" Shirley asked. "Professor Bugs," Plucky said without taking his eyes off the screen. "Professor Bugs? What did he want?" Hamton asked. Plucky made a noise, something that sort of sounded like "I don't know". His attention didn't leave the TV set for one moment. "He's looking for Buster, too." "Is zis not strahnge zat Bustair would vaneesh into, how you say, thin air?" "I know. It's like totally strange for Buster to just leave without telling anyone where he's going." "Babs, too. I haven't seen her for two days now." "Could ya' keep it down, huh?" Plucky said, motioning to the TV screen. "This episode's a classic!" "Plucky!" all of them shouted at once. Plucky groaned. He was starting to think that his so-called "friends" weren't going to let him watch his show. "Don't you care where Buster is?" Hamton asked him. Plucky sighed. "Sure I do. I still have to get my..." "...Besides the fact that he has your CD?" Shirley interrupted. Plucky didn't answer right away. "Vell, Ah don't know about vous," Fifi said, in a voice of iron resolve, "but Ah am going to look for zem raight now!" She stood up off her chair and marched straight toward Plucky's front door. "Good idea, Feef," Hamton told her, and got up off the floor to follow her. Shirley did the same, pausing only long enough to ask "you coming, Pluck- brain?" With a huge scowl on his beak, Plucky picked up the remote control and pushed the power button. He tossed the remote control back on the couch. "Fine, fine, fine," he said disapprovingly. "This is probably the only way I'm going to get my CD back!" He stomped toward his door, right behind Shirley. ***** Finding an extra supply of energy she didn't even know she had, Babs sprinted up the grassy hill, two or three steps ahead of Wakko. She was hoping the Lead Zepplin overhead wouldn't spot them, although they probably would. Huffing and puffing she and Wakko went, climbing closer and closer to the top. Then she tripped over something and landed on the grass, which wasn't nearly as thick or as soft as the grass in the forest was. She let out a loud "Oof!" Wakko grabbed her by the arm and pulled her up. He looked over his shoulder as he heard someone behind them say "I heard something over here!" They ran even harder toward the top of the hill. They mutually dragged each other over the apex; both of them were panting and out of breath. It seemed that whatever reserve energy they had was now exhausted. They both crumbled to the ground at the top of the hill. Any minute now, the soldiers that were after them would find them, and neither one had the strength left to fight them off. "That's, that's it," Babs said quietly through the short breaths she was taking. "I can't go any further." Wakko looked like he was about to give her some words of inspiration, but she could tell he knew it, too. "Wakko," she said. "I'm scared." Behind them, leaves were rustling. The shouting of the soldiers was getting louder. They'd be on top of them any moment now. "This is Plant to Page. Investigating now, over." Just then, Wakko decided to look over the side of the hill, wondering just what the valley looked like beyond. His eyes bulged out like overfilled water balloons at the sight. He licked his lips greedily, then reached over and tapped Babs on the shoulder. "What?" she asked. She looked at Wakko, who didn't turn to look back at her. He just stared down into the valley with a stupid look on his face. Babs turned and crawled over the hill's edge to see what he was looking at. "Wowwww," she said. She turned to Wakko, and this time he looked back at her. "Can we make it?" he asked her. "Let's go for it!" They grabbed each other's hand, and started down the other side of the hill. Babs looked up toward the zepplin above. It was turned away from them. They probably couldn't see her or Wakko at all. She put her head down and ran, gripping Wakko's hand as hard as she possibly could. The noises that she had heard from behind her were fading. Maybe they'd lost the Heebee Geebees. They ran for what seemed like hours toward the valley below. ***** A loud, shrill *BEEP* echoed through the fore and aft of the water tower. Buster slowly opened his eyes. His finger landed on a red button. Once his finger pressed it, all the other buttons on the control panel stopped flashing and had remained lit. His eyes shot up to the viewscreen in front of him to see what he had done. The ship DID appear to be leveling off! The Warners watched the viewer, too. "You did it!" exclaimed Dot joyfully. She gave Buster a quick, celebratory hug, then stuck her opened palm in her brother's face. Yakko dug into his pocket and removed a small wad of paper money. "Never would've guessed it," he said evenly as he shoved the money into his sister's palm. "Don't celebrate yet," Buster said, his eyes still fixed to the viewscreen. The ship was indeed leveling off, but not nearly fast enough to keep them from crashing. The red pole barn on the edge of the wheat field was directly ahead, and about to be turned into a pile of nicely painted firewood. A loud, shrill sounding horn started blaring, and all the buttons on the control panel started flashing in unison. "Brace for impact!" Buster shouted to the Warners, and ran for his seat. The Warners did likewise, after throwing Doctor Starkey's unconscious shell into a chair and fastening a safety belt around his waist. The group fastened their safety belts and prepared for a crash landing. All the lights in the tank shut off, save one dark red light. A shrill siren blasted across the ship's length. Buster shut his eyes so tightly they hurt. He gripped the armrests of his chair until his knuckles turned a paler shade of white than the glove that he wore. He lifted up his legs, and stuck his head between his knees. He wasn't sure exactly why, but he had always seen people doing it in the "Airplane!" movies. The water tank slammed through the front of the barn, snapping the lumber like an elephant stepping on a dry twig. The ship skimmed of the ground and crashed through the back wall of the barn, raising a cloud of sawdust, dirt and pink chicken feathers. The passengers inside flailed about wildly. The Warners' heads and extremities thrashed around uncontrollably. Buster snapped his head back and forth. Anything else not nailed to the floor was tossed around furiously. The Warners' grandfather clock flew across the length of the tank and smashed to a million pieces with a loud *crash* against the front wall. The nose of the tank plowed into a small haystack behind the barn, and into a layer of soft dirt, tearing up wheat stalks as it skidded to a halt after about 75 yards. Everyone inside the tank remained motionless for a good couple of minutes afterward, wanting to make absolutely certain the wild ride had come to an end. Buster lifted his head. His neck popped, but he wasn't hurt. He looked around slowly. He cleared his throat, then asked "is everyone okay?" After a couple of moments, the Warners started to stir in their chairs. "Ugh," said Dot. "Yeah," Yakko answered her. "That was some ride, huh?" Dot shook her head, Buster guessed to re-loosen whatever screw was accidentally tightened in her head during the crash. "That was worse than the rides at Six Flags over Bedford!" The toons unfastened their safety belts. Yakko and Buster went to open up the door, while Dot made sure the Doctor was okay. The door fell open, revealing the bright sunlight. Yakko and Buster both stepped out of the ship to see where they were. "Looks like some kind of farm," Buster said. "Maybe there's someone around here that can help us," Yakko said. Yakko looked around and saw a small house up at the top of a grassy hill, about a quarter of a mile away. "Maybe the guy that owns this place lives over there. Why don't we go up there?" Buster hesitated. "I don't know if that's such a good idea," he said. "Maybe we should wait here until the doctor wakes up. We don't know anything about this place. What if that farmer is one of those Heebee Geebees?" A small gust of wind kicked up. Just as quickly as it started, it subsided, and it was perfectly calm again. Buster thought he'd heard something when the gust blew. "Did you hear that?" he asked Yakko. Yakko shrugged his shoulders. "It sounded like some kind of flag waving or something. It was coming from over here," Buster said as he went over to the front of the tower. What he saw when he got there was a gray flannel jacket, stuck on a nail on one of the shingles of the tower. "How did that get here?" Buster yanked the jacket off the nail. Buster rubbed his chin. "You know what? I think this is the jacket of the guy who tried to blow up the water tower!" Yakko observed while Buster went through the coat pockets. In the inside pocket, he felt something flat, square and plastic. Dot walked out of the ship as Buster pulled the object out. "What is that?" she asked. It was a Polaroid picture. Buster studied it. "It's us," he said. "We're crossing the picture, standing in front of the tower." Dot snatched the photo out of Buster's hands. "Lemme see that," she told him. Yakko stepped over and looked at the picture over her shoulder. Yakko gave the picture little more than a once-over, but Dot stared at the picture as if that was the only thing in the world to look at. Her mouth hung open limply. Yakko scratched his head. "What?" he asked, dumbfounded. Dot burst into tears. She crumpled to the ground melodramatically. In between sobs she managed to get out: "he's dead! Our poor brother is dead!" Yakko and Buster exchanged a puzzled look. Yakko knelt down and put an arm around his sister's shoulders. "There, there, little sis," he said. "Take it easy. We don't know that!" "Yes we do! Look!" She shoved the picture into Yakko's face. Satisfied that she had made her point beyond any more need of explaining, she again began bawling uncontrollably. Yakko eyed the picture again. Buster looked over his shoulder. "I don't get it," Yakko told his youngest sibling. She stopped crying long enough to stand up and point at Wakko's feet in the picture. "He's barefoot, and you and I have slippers on! It's a SIGN!" She sniffed, and stopped crying. An eerie expression fell on her face. "From beyond the grave." "Whatever," Yakko said, shoving the picture into his pocket. "Seriously, though," he said as he turned to Buster. "I still say we should go up to the house on that hill. It's better than hanging around here waiting for something to happen." Buster heard some rustling coming from somewhere. It sounded different than when he had heard the jacket. There was no wind whatsoever. Buster looked over his shoulder toward the acres and acres of wheat just off to their side. He didn't see anything, and shrugged it off as his own imagination playing tricks on him. Yakko pulled his sister up from her kneeling position by the arm. "C'mon, Dot," he said, "let's go up to that house." Yakko paused, then turned around to Buster. "Are you going to come or not?" Buster shook his head. "I still think we should just wait until Doctor Starkey wakes up and ask him what he wants to do." "Suit yourself," Yakko said, as he led his sister toward the house on the hilltop. Buster paused, then decided that he didn't care to be left alone. He was sensing some weird vibes coming from somewhere. He took off after the Warners, mumbling to himself "I have a bad feeling about this place." The three toons journeyed up to the top of the hill, and soon found themselves standing in front of a modest, whitewashed little house. Yakko tapped on the screen door in front of the house. Buster looked around on the porch. It sported a hanging, swinging chair, a couple of hanging plants, and a big pile of hemp rope coiled up in a far corner. The wood squeaked as he walked on it, as if the floor might give way at any moment. After a few moments, a figure came to the door. It was a tall, plump farmer, wearing bib overalls and a big straw hat. He smiled at the toons warmly. "Howdy," he said in a friendly voice that sounded to Buster like he was somewhere from the southern part of the United States. Buster still didn't feel right about the whole situation, and eyeballed the farmer suspiciously. Yakko, probably to make the farmer more comfortable, blew his nose without the aid of a handkerchief, and introduced himself. "The name's Yakko Warner," he said with a smile, offering the farmer a handshake. "Me an' my kinfolk were wondering if you'd be so kind as to lend us a hand. Our water tower broke down." In highly creative fashion, Yakko explained that he, his sister Dot, and his seventh cousin twenty-six times-removed Buster were out joyriding in their water tower, and were somehow struck by lightning on a cloudless afternoon. It was an elaborate yarn Yakko spun, something that was both unnecessarily long and unnecessarily full of pomp and circumstance. The farmer stood there with a wrinkled eyebrow throughout the fabricated novella, either not comprehending or not buying a word of Yakko's story, Buster couldn't tell which, but as long as he was more confused than angry, Buster wasn't going to interject. After Yakko completed his fictionalized account, making sure to leave no trace of fact that could be proven untrue, the farmer stood silent for a long moment, rubbing his chin. Finally, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "well, let's go have a look-see." The farmer excused himself for a brief moment to fetch his shoes, then brought them out onto the porch with him. He dropped them onto the porch next to the swinging chair and was about to sit down on it, when he stopped to stare at Buster. Without any apparent reason, the farmer grabbed one of Buster's ears and inspected it, inside and out. After a moment, Buster became annoyed and yanked his ear away. "What are you doing?" Buster asked, annoyed. "Is that how you get your nourishment? Through them things?" "What are you talking about?" Buster snapped back at him. The farmer didn't answer. He appeared to be too busy staring at Buster's ears. He put the shoes on over his bare feet, and slowly stood up off the swing. He stomped around in them for a minute. "Seems like they shrunk a little," he said. After he finished putting on his shoes, the farmer took a minute to check the plants hanging from the eave over the porch. "Gotta make sure these things are good and watered," he explained. Finally, the group got going, slowly trudging toward the wreck site. The farmer gasped a bit as he saw the damage done to his barn. Buster laughed a self-conscious little laugh and said "sorry about that." Buster tried to gesture the farmer toward the tower, but the farmer went straight toward his barn to inspect the damage. Buster could hardly blame him. "Dad-gummit," the farmer said, a bit annoyed. The idiosyncrasy of someone other than Fowlmouth utter that phrase was not lost on Buster. Buster, panged by a sense of guilt, followed the farmer into the barn, while the Warner kids went to check on the doctor. Once inside the barn, Buster noticed that the farmer really wasn't inspecting the gaping holes in the front and back walls of the barn, but rather a pair of large tire tracks that began in the basement, ran through the hole in the back wall, and toward the open spaces beyond. It appeared to Buster that the tire tracks were fresh, as if whatever had made them had just driven off. The farmer stood there in total disbelief. Buster couldn't make heads or tails of what was happening, until Dot, with Yakko right behind her, came running out of the tank, waving a yellow slip of paper. "He's gone!" she yelled to him. Buster and the farmer both turned around. "The doctor's gone!" "All he left was a note," Yakko said. Buster took the note from Dot's hands, and read it: Dear Lads, Sorry I had to let you go and leave you flat, but I couldn't find you anywhere. I've already lost too much time as it is. I found a big, multi-colored bus inside the barn, and borrowed it. I am headed toward Woodstockland. I have included in this note the retrieval code for the water tank. Push this series of buttons, and you will be returned to your planet automatically. If I find your friends, Babs and Wakko, I will contact you and make arrangements to transport them back home. Above all things, however, do NOT come after me. There are things in this world which you are not prepared for, not the least of which is our enemies. Sincerely, Doctor R. Starkey "This is DEFINITELY not the way I like to start vacations," Yakko said. Buster stood silently, dumbfounded by what he had just read. Slowly he let it sink in. His train of thought was broken by Dot pulling on his shirt like a small child. He looked down at her. "What are we going to do, Buster?" she asked helplessly. Buster didn't answer. He didn't know what their next move was going to be. He thought to himself, until the farmer broke the silence. "Well, I tell you what I'M going to do about my bus," he said in an iron voice. Buster and the Warners turned toward him. With one quick motion, he yanked at the bottom of his face, pulling off a large rubber mask. The toons gasped as one at the sight. Instead of a humanoid farmer, the farmer was actually a walking, talking stalk of wheat with big eyes and a scowl on its drawn-in mouth. "I'm gonna take the price of that bus outta your hides!" The farmer stuck an offshoot hand into its mouth and sounded out a loud whistle. From outside, Buster heard rustling from the wheat field like he'd never heard before. It didn't take him long to figure out that he and the Warners were in trouble. Buster ran through the hole in the back wall, soon followed by Yakko and Dot. In the field they saw coming toward them an army of wheat stalks, all with offshoot arms raised in catlike position, waiting to pounce. "Next time, we should go on a Carnival Cruise," Yakko said sourly as he watched the wheat-predators close on in on them slowly. The three toons moved close together. Dot, in particular moved as close as she could to Buster, grabbing onto his sweater tightly. "What are we going to do?" she asked him. Buster turned to Yakko, and said in an iron voice. "Your BROTHER got us into this. Let HIM get us out!" "*I* got us in this?" Yakko protested. "I said we should stay here and wait for the doctor to wake up!" Buster told him, his voice quivering. Buster could feel the fur on his neck beginning to stand on end. He balled his hands into fists. "If we had just stayed put in the first place, like *I* said we should, we wouldn't be in this mess!" "I hate to break up this argument," Dot interjected, "BUT WE'RE ABOUT TO BE EATEN BY FLESH-DEVOURING PLANTS!" "Oh, yeah," Buster and Yakko said in unison. It was an odd sight for Buster. He'd never actually seen a plant salivate. But the one that was standing two inches from his face was doing just that. It was breathing very shallow, and raspy sounds were coming out of its throat. Its pearly white teeth twinkled in the bright sunlight, just like a used car dealer's. Maybe it would be a good idea to finish the argument with Yakko later. ***** They were just above the valley, and were now running almost straight down the steeper-than-it-appeared hill. Babs hit the breaks, in time with Wakko. The soles of their feet made a loud *screeeeeech*, like a couple of cars with worn brakes. Their feet tore up the grass underneath, making six-inch deep trenches in the ground. They had made it. Babs' eyes were as wide as dinner plates. Before her was perhaps the most beautiful sight she'd ever seen. Babs looked around at the unbelievable landscape. It looked like something straight out of an old Dairy Queen commercial. The mountains, the rocks, the trees, were entirely made out of dessert foods. To Babs' right, a colossal array of candy cane and lollipop trees. To her left, many jagged cliffs and boulders made entirely of chocolate. In the middle, a field of pies, cakes, donuts and whipped cream (the kind that comes out of the spray cans, not the Cool Whip stuff) with a large pit of sugar-drenched maraschino cherries smack-dab in the middle. The only thing that didn't make Babs' teeth hurt just by looking at it was the river that cut the valley in half. A river of fresh milk. Babs' stomach rumbled powerfully. She turned to Wakko, and the two of them shared a long, quiet look of trembling anticipation. They licked their lips, and dove headfirst into the fray, never once noticing a small hand-painted sign that stood at the base of the hill. Its worn black lettering read "WARNING: DO NOT EAT THE FOOD IN THIS VALLEY! IT IS NOT PARTICULARLY TOO GOOD!" Wakko headed straight for the chocolate mountains, and Babs started in on the donuts. Babs tore through ten or twelve glazed and a couple with sprinkles on them before grabbing two big handfuls of M&Ms, stuffing both of them into her mouth at once. Babs looked up to see what kind of progress Wakko was making. Into the sides of one of the cocoa mountains, Wakko had carved a perfect likeness of the faces on Mt. Rushmore, except for Teddy Roosevelt, whom he had replaced with a perfect likeness of Babs. Wakko stopped his gnawing long enough to wave at Babs from the top of the mountain. She smiled at him with her chocolate-dripping teeth, and waved back. She let out a silly, self-conscious giggle. "That's sweet of him," she said to herself, while she licked her fingers clean. This cavalcade of avarice continued for nearly an hour before either one of them started to slow down. It was Wakko who slowed down first. He was still working on a scale replica of the Matterhorn, done entirely in chocolate, when he started feeling...funny. He couldn't figure out what was happening to him at first, but he felt off-kilter somehow. His body wasn't reacting as quickly to what his mind was telling it. His motor skills were slumping, and his eyelids were starting to grow heavy. Suddenly, for no reason he could find, he started giggling. The giggles turned into a healthy chuckle, which became a ridiculous laughing fit. Wakko wrapped both his arms around his stomach, and fell to the ground as if he was being tickled by the largest feather in the world. While he was rolling around on his back, enraptured, he looked up into the sky. The sky, which he was sure was yellow when he'd started eating, was now a light pink. He stopped laughing, and just lay there and smiled to himself. It was so beautiful, the sky. He closed his eyes for a moment, and then reopened them again. The sky was dark orange. A rainbow of every imaginable color had formed across the panorama. It twinkled, and the colors shifted every couple of seconds. "Wow," he said quietly. "The colors." He lay there for a couple of minutes, just enjoying the scenery in front of him, then sat up slowly, never taking his eyes off the heavens. He held his knees in his arms, content to watch the light show. The only thing that broke his concentration was Babs shouting to him from below. "Wakko," she called to him, "are you seeing this?" Wakko looked down at her, and she was pointing up to the sky. "Isn't it beautiful?" Wakko stopped staring at the sky. The only thing holding his attention now was Babs, who was still skipping like a jubilant ten-year old through the field below. A fragmented melody crept into his head, and wouldn't go away as he watched her. Soon, he was humming it. Soon after that, words started forming in his mind, and he started singing them as he watched Babs frolic along the sugary playground. PICTURE YOURSELF EATING CANDY AND COOKIES ANGEL'S FOOD CAKE THAT'S LAYERED THREE MILES HIGH GO ON AND CHOW DOWN ON TWINKIES AND DING-DONGS AND HAVE SOME MORE BLUEBERRY PIEEEEE... GALLONS OF MILK TO WASH IT ALL DOWN TRIPPING AND FLOWING LIKE A STREAM EAT TOO MUCH SUGAR AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT YOU'RE WALKING AROUND IN A DREAM Without even realizing it, Wakko had journeyed all the way down the mountain, and was standing not one hundred yards from Babs. He shook his head a little, hoping that would help him regain some sense of awareness. He stared at Babs. She stopped from pouring a strawberry shake down her gullet to give Wakko a frothy, red-speckled smile. He smiled dreamily back at her as she wiped her stained mouth on her shirtsleeve. AND ALL AROUND YOU ARE MARSHMALLOW HOUSES THAT YOU COULDN'T FINISH, AS HARD AS YOU TRY HALF OF THAT SUGAR HEADS STRAIGHT FOR YOUR BRAINS AND THE OTHER HALF STRAIGHT FOR YOUR THIGHS! The last line of Wakko's lyrics earned him a handful of whipped cream in the face. Wakko, now ten feet from Babs, wiped off his visage and turned toward her. He had still been moving toward her without even being consciously aware that he was doing so. Babs had a slight scowl on her face, probably telling him she didn't like the insinuation he made that her thighs were getting big. Then she smiled playfully at him, and giggled. Her irises seemed to be floating freely in her gigantic eyes. She was in as bad of mental shape as Wakko, maybe even more so, he estimated. She was now staring at him longer than she ever had at any time during this entire trip. She was still smiling, not so broad this time. It was more of a smirk. Almost a guilty one, he thought. She stepped toward him, and he flinched backward. She wrinkled her forehead in surprise. "What's wrong?" she asked, in a tone that sounded more insulted than concerned. She stepped closer. Wakko's first instinct was to move back, but he certainly didn't want to insult her again. He stood his ground. His bottom lip started quivering a little. His palms inside his gloves were dropping moisture faster than Niagara Falls. She came closer. She put her hands on either side of his rib cage. Wakko wasn't sure whether or not he was breathing. If he was, it was so shallow that Babs would start to wonder if he were still alive. Her head moved closer to his. He could smell the still-sweet aroma of strawberries and ice cream on her breath, which felt warm against his face. Wakko wasn't aware he had put his arms around Babs' untensed shoulders. Their lips brushed the other's, slowly, gently coming together. Wakko closed his eyes, just as Babs started to close hers. They pulled each other closer. Their kiss slowly became stronger. They kissed for what was maybe five seconds, but for Wakko, it was the greatest five seconds of his life. They slowly pulled away from each other's lips, but still held one another in their arms. Wakko reopened his eyes. Babs had already opened hers, and seemed to be completely fascinated with Wakko's facial features. Wakko stood motionless, having no idea what he should be doing right now. Babs put her head against Wakko's chest. He wondered if she could hear how fast his heart was pounding. She made a quiet whimpering sound. It didn't sound like a very happy sound. It sounded almost... "Wakko, there's something I should tell you," she said in a voice that wasn't much louder than a whisper. With the tone she was speaking in, she might as well be saying "bless me father, for I have sinned." She drew a long breath in between two sniffles, and bent her head lower, like she was looking for some sort of absolution. His head was still swimming, not so much with the candy anymore, but he was still trying to get his bearings from the kiss they had just shared. "Maybe this isn't the best time to talk," he said. She looked up at him. "I'd better tell you now," she said, only the tiniest bit stronger than she had said anything else up to this point. "I might not have the courage to tell you later." Wakko's Adam's apple bobbed up and down in his throat. He had no idea what she was planning on saying, and he surmised that he probably didn't want to know. He drew in a quick, sharp breath of air. "Okay," he said as gently as he could, "what is it?" She again rested her head on his chest, and sniffed again. "You're going to hate me for saying this," she said, just before she let out a bitter sobbing sound. "Ever since we met back at the studio, I've been using..." "THERE THEY ARE!" a voice rang out from the top of the grassy hill leading down into the valley. Wakko forgot about what Babs was in the middle of saying and turned with a jerk toward the hill. Up at the top was a Heebee Geebee soldier, dressed in a mud-covered leisure suit, and wearing heavy gold chains. His black eyes seemed to suck in any light that touched them. With his free hand, he pointed down at Wakko and Babs. His occupied hand held a silver-colored laser rifle, and he was lifting it up, getting ready to fire it. The ground seemed to be swaying underneath Wakko's feet. His first impulse had been to run, but to where? And how fast were he and Babs going to go? How long would it take the soldiers to catch up with them and take them prisoner? And if they did catch up, would they be taken prisoner, or would they be...? The rifle was aimed straight at them. Wakko shot a quick look to Babs. Her face was pale white. "Don't move!" the soldier shouted down to them. Over the hill, another Geebee soldier had appeared. The first one started slowly inching his way over to the edge of the hill overlooking the steep drop-off. "What should we do?" Babs asked him in a jittery voice. "Here's what we're going to do," Wakko said. Without another word, Wakko grabbed Babs' wrist, and took off running through the valley, with Babs stumbling behind him. "HOLD IT!" the two soldiers shouted from the distance. Neither Wakko nor Babs looked back. They heard a loud *ZZZZAP* come from behind them, and saw a streak of blue light fly almost straight over their heads, striking a twenty-foot tall vanilla ice cream cone not fifty feet in front of them. The dairy treat started to wobble, then fell to the ground with a mighty *CRASH*. It fell down intact, except for the hole in the side of the waffle cone made by the laser shot. Wakko saw this and got an idea. He yanked Babs around the bottom of the cone, and then roughly pulled her to the ground behind it. Instructing her to follow his lead, both of them burrowed into the side of the vanilla scoop, and smoothed over the outside so that they couldn't be seen. They sat and waited together in silence, in a little tunnel they had dug for themselves, as they heard the troopers run past the cone, and eventually out of earshot. Once she heard this, Babs made a move to get out of the scoop, but Wakko stopped her. "They'll probably come back this way," he told her. "Either that, or some other soldiers will be coming soon. We can't leave yet." Babs pulled her arms inside her shirtsleeves, and Wakko zipped up his band director's jacket. Babs was shivering. The frigid temperature inside the ice cream scoop was getting to her. Wakko made a move to take off his jacket, but Babs stopped him. "Don't you want it?" he asked her. "You look like you need it worse than me." She shook her head. "Wak-k-k-ko," Babs said through chattering teeth. "I n-never g-g-got to tell you w-w-what I was g-g-going to s-s-say." "Are you sure you don't want my jacket?" he asked again, partially because he was starting to get worried about how cold she looked, and partially because he wanted desperately to change the subject. "It's really warm." "Quit trying to be n-n-nice to me!" she snapped at him. "I've b-b-been using you to m-m-make B-B-Buster jealous!" She turned her eyes away. It took him a moment to comprehend what she had just said. When he did, his whole body went numb, and not from the cold inside the ice cream. He stared at her blankly. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. Babs pulled her legs up to her chest, making herself as small as possible. She buried her face in between her knees and started crying softly. "I've been using you, Wakko. I'm sorry," she said in a barely perceptible whisper. She sat there motionless for several seconds. "You were?" he said in a puzzled voice. That was the only response she received. "Yes, I was," she said quietly. "I'm so sorry." Babs felt like bubble gum stuck to the bottom of someone's shoe. She waited for a response from Wakko, but he just sat there, silent. Anything was better than sitting there, silently, waiting for him to answer. She wished he would say or do something. Anything. She wished he would yell at her, tell her what she could go do with herself. She wished he'd punch her in the gut. Anything. He didn't move. He didn't speak. "Wakko, I'm so sorry," she said again as a painfully cold tear ran down her left cheek. It seemed to freeze inside a patch of fur. He didn't flinch. ***** Shirley banged on Buster's steel rabbit hole cover again. "Like, I don't think he's here," she said to Fifi, Hamton and Plucky while shrugging her shoulders. It was quickly turning into a frustrating search. They had already gone to Babs's house and spoke with her mom. She said she hadn't seen hide or hare of Babs since Valentine's Day. Not unusual, Shirley thought, because she had so many kids it was hard to keep track of them all. The last time her mother spoke to her, which was two days past now, she was going with Buster into Burbank to the Warner studios. It wasn't much to go on, Shirley thought, but it was a clue. After some exhausting calls to Burbank had uncovered nothing at all, except some excitement about something missing from the studio, the foursome decided to go to Buster's house. Maybe, just maybe, either Buster or Babs would be there. Plucky interjected his opinion. "I TOLD you they weren't gonna be here!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. "We're just wasting our time!" Shirley groaned under her breath. If she weren't so centered, she'd probably smack him upside the head, she thought to herself. "Gosh, what are we going to do now?" Hamton asked anybody who would answer him. "I say we go home and forget this whole wild rabbit chase! I've already missed the episode where Jack goes gambling and thinks he owes those rich people $10,000, and then he gambles all night long and wins a lot of money only to find out that none of them were playing for real money the whole time and..." Shirley had about all she could take of Plucky for one morning. She grabbed his beak in her fist and dragged him aside. "Listen, Pluck-face," she scolded him. "Will you, for once in your in your life, like, think about someone other than yourself? Just one time, would you, like, look at the bigger picture?" She didn't wait for an answer, which, considering the predicament Plucky's beak was in, probably wouldn't come anyway. She let him go and marched away. Plucky, as nonchalantly as possible, smoothed his beak over and rejoined the group. Fifi and Hamton looked toward Shirley hopefully. "What should we do next?" Hamton asked her. Shirley straightened out the bow in her hair. "Well," she stared, "maybe we should, like, go to the studio and see what's going on over there!" "How are we going to get there?" asked Hamton, "none of us has a car." At that moment, a large white bus, with a big blue stripe on the side rolled up to the group of toons. Shirley wondered to herself how a bus got this far into the Acme Forest. She looked toward the direction the bus had come from, and saw several toppled trees and mud slung everywhere. The bus door opened with a loud *pssssh* noise. Everyone shrugged their shoulders in unison, and Shirley, Fifi and Hamton climbed aboard. Plucky stood off to the side and waved at them. "Bon voyage," he called to them, waving a white handkerchief. Then, before the duck could react, three hands reached out from a bus window and grabbed a hold of him by the throat, and hauled him inside. ***** The wheat stalk stuck its tongue out at Buster, revealing a small wheat head on the tip, which snapped at him with razor-sharp teeth. A drop of sweat rolled down Buster's nose. He quickly looked over at the Warners. Dot had both her hands inside her mouth and was biting her nails with a typewriter-like motion. Yakko had a smirk on his face while he rubbed his knuckles against his chest. "Don't worry," Yakko said coolly, "I've got everything figured out." "Then why don't you DO SOMETHING?!" Buster and Dot shouted to him in unison. "That sounds reasonable," Yakko said as he stepped in front of Buster and his sister. As he did, one of the plants snapped at him with its jaw, making him jump backward. On his face was not a look of fear, it was more annoyance. Yakko frowned at the plant. "Hey!" he scolded it, "you can't possibly be THAT hungry!" The plants turned their heads to follow as Yakko started pacing around the perimeter of their semicircle. "I think I know what your problems are," he told them matter-of-factly. "I think all of you need to be taught some good ol' fashioned manners!" The plants, not to mention Buster and Dot, looked at one another, hoping the ones standing next to them could discern what Yakko was talking about. Just then, Yakko reached into the front of his pants and began searching around for something. "Hmm, it's gotta be in here somewhere." Buster and Dot shared a knowing look, kissed their palms in unison and shouted, "goodnight, everybody!" "Ah HA!" Yakko shouted. "Here it is!" The kid yanked a large hardcover book out of his trousers and held it up for all the plants to see. The book was adorned with a picture of an elderly lady wearing a pillbox hat with a little wilting daisy drooping off it. From what you could see of her bust, she appeared to have a blue calico dress on with overly frilly lace stitched onto the collar. She wore square Ben Franklin-esque spectacles on the end of her pelican-like nose. The title, in petite pink letters above the lady's head read "Ms. Buxom's Big Book of Manners". "This is his idea?" Buster whispered to Dot. Dot could only shrug her shoulders in response as Yakko flung the book's cover open. He eyed the plants like Long John Silver might do in the same position, with one of his forehead wrinkles jutting up angrily, and most of his other eye shut. "Since we're so obviously new at this, we'd better start from the beginning." Yakko cleared his throat with a gut-wrenching sound, like he was trying to hock up a hairball or something, making everyone around him cringe, and then began. "Chapter one," he read in his most dry and lecture-like voice. "Having good etiquette is essential to maintain cordiality in person-to-person contact. Manners are what separate humans from other lowly beasts such as aardvarks and iguanas." As Yakko droned on as torturously as he could, Buster noticed that several of the plants starting to yawn loudly, followed by a few more soon after. Buster couldn't hold back a yawn of his own after watching the plants. "Well," Buster started, "I have to hand it to him, it is wor-(yawn) king." One by one, the plants fell to the ground, zonked out. Soon, the entire clan was fast asleep, snoring and making little whimpering noises. Yakko shut the book carefully and stuck it in his pants. He nodded, satisfied with his handiwork. "Hey," he whispered to his partners out of the corner of his mouth, "let's get outta..." As he turned toward Buster and Dot, he found them both passed out on the ground as well. "I guess that worked a little too well," Yakko muttered to himself. He made his way over to the two of them and gently nudged them awake with his foot. "Get up," he whispered harshly to the two of them. "We gotta get out of here." As Buster and Dot regained consciousness, Yakko started looking around. The next question that formed in his mind was "get out of here to WHERE?" Buster whispered to Yakko, "I don't care what you do, but I'm not leaving without Babs." "And I'm not leaving without my baby brother!" Yakko snapped back in a whispered voice. There was miles and miles of flat green or brown fields around him. To his right, some big stalks of corn. Yakko didn't feel particularly like walking through a large field with big stalks of anything at this point. To his left, acres and acres of strawberry plants, probably the thickest and tallest strawberry plants he'd ever seen. That would probably have to be the way to go. Not that it mattered. It's wasn't like any of them knew where they were going anyway. "C'mon," he whispered. "We're going through those strawberry fields." A blank expression was on Dot's face as she peered across the vast red and green land. "Strawberry fields...forever," she said in a detached voice. ******** CHAPTER SEVEN Mean Mr. Mustard sweeps in the park, shaves in the dark Trying to save paper Sleeps in a hole in the road Saving up to buy some clothes Keeps a 10-bob note up his nose Such a mean old man --The Beatles, "Mean Mr. Mustard" Plucky sat on the seat with his arms folded at his chest and a big scowl on his face. He saw no reason for himself to take part in this wild rabbit chase Shirley, Fifi and Hamton had dragged him on. He tried to tune out the conversation the others were having in the seat next to him about trying to find Buster and Babs, where they might have gone to, and other such nonsense. What did he care about all that? The rabbits got themselves in trouble, they should be able to bail themselves out. It all seemed pretty cut and dried to him. "Are you paying attention?" Shirley asked him in a nagging voice that made his shoulders flinch. Plucky didn't respond. She nudged him in the side with her elbow, none too gently. "Like, don't you even care about your friends?" she asked him. Plucky opened his mouth to make a point, but Shirley cut him off before he could get a word in. "BESIDES the fact that Buster has your stupid CD?" Touche, Plucky thought to himself. He went back to his arms-folded, scowl-wielding position. Shirley rolled her eyes skyward. "Well, what do think we should do once we get to the studio?" Hamton asked. Shirley and Fifi looked at one another, dumbfounded. "Ah guess we should zee if zomeone has seen zem in ze past two days," Fifi said. Ten minutes later, the bus rolled to a stop in front of the Warner Brothers studio lot. The foursome exited the bus, but before they set a foot on the lot, they all noticed the studio's WB water tank was gone. "Eh?" Plucky offered. "What's going on? What happened to the water tank?" Shirley shook her head. "I don't like the look of this at all." "I don't either," Plucky said. "I bet my CD was in there." All of the 'toons stared dumbfoundedly at the criss-crossed tower structure, none sure what to make of it all. "Like, this is totally strange," Shirley offered. "First, Buster and Babs disappear, then the water tank is missing. Like, my aura is telling me this is like, totally not a coincidence." Hamton and Fifi nodded their heads in agreement, but their facial expressions led Plucky to believe they had no more a concrete idea about what had really taken place than did Shirley. Quickly, Hamton, Fifi and Shirley did a few interviews with various studio employees to see what they could piece together. Fifi learned from a maintenance man the tower had first been discovered missing Saturday morning, but it was intact Friday when most lot employees got off work. While talking to a janitor, Hamton discovered not only how to remove tough stains in his toilet, but that there had been some sort of explosion on the lot Friday night. The janitor said he only heard about it second-hand, but supposedly it happened shortly after the lot's front gates were closed for the night. Shirley found out from Dr. Scratchansniff that the Warners hadn't been seen since the tank was discovered missing. "Zose kids have really done it zis time!" Scratchy offered Shirley. Plucky watched the three hunt down this information with passing interest as he sat on a nearby park bench filing down the feathers on the tips of his fingers. The other three 'toons shared their information with one another and tried to figure out what it all meant. "I've got a feeling that wherever the water tank is, that's where we'll find everybody else," Hamton said. Fifi and Shirley nodded in agreement. Hamton sniffed the air, and caught a whiff of fried chicken and mashed potatoes emanating from the studio commissary. "Mm. I'm hungry." "Zen," Fifi uttered quietly and somewhat seductively, "we should get vous zomething to eat, no?" Fifi grabbed him gently by the hand and started to lead him off toward the commissary. As they were about to depart, the purple skunk leaned over to Shirley, winked at her knowingly and whispered "ze way to a man's heart is through his stomach." Shirley rubbed her chin as she thought about the next step in their quest to track down their friends. As she did so, she was interrupted by Plucky whistling "Turkey in the Straw" loudly to himself. Unable to hide her disgust with Plucky's complete and total apathy about the plight of Buster and Babs, not to mention the Warners, Shirl tensed her shoulders and neck, and stamped her way over to where the duck was sitting. He smiled at her smugly. "Anything I can do to help?" he asked with just a hint of sarcasm. "Why don't you just go back home?" Shirl asked, although it sounded to Plucky like more of a demand. "You obviously aren't going to help us find Buster and Babs, so maybe you should just, like, leave!" She pointed emphatically to the exit gate. "Fine," he said. "I know when I'm not wanted." With that, Plucky jumped to his feet and started toward the exit, mumbling to himself that he never wanted to come with them to help solve this mystery anyway. Just as he was making his way toward the exit, he stopped dead in his tracks. He couldn't explain why, but something was holding him back from leaving. Thoughts swirled in his pea brain like wind inside a letterbox. He slowly turned to look back at the legs of the water tower, and, on the front side of two of the legs, he saw something, something he more than half-expected to be there. He took a few steps closer and peered harder at the front legs. They were visibly singed. Plucky tilted his head back slowly, looking up at the nearly full moon, which could already be seen despite the fact it was just barely 5 p.m. The moon sat almost directly behind the tower, perfectly aligned with the singed front legs. "What the..." he asked himself quietly. He had a thought, but it didn't make any sense. He continued looking up at the structure, then back at the moon, then back at the structure. At this time, Shirley, who was wandering around aimlessly still trying to figure out what to do next to track down the rabbits, noticed that Plucky hadn't yet left. She scowled at him. "Well...?!" she asked impatiently. "I know where they are," Plucky answered in a puzzled sort of tone. Shirley's jaw momentarily became unhinged and dropped down to the center of her chest. Her eyes grew as wide as bowling balls. "You DO?" Excited, she raced over to Plucky and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Where are they?" she asked. As Plucky was about to reveal the whereabouts to Shirley, a thought occurred to him that made his forehead wrinkle. "Hey!" he shouted. "Two minutes ago you told me to leave and not bother you! Why should I help you now?" Plucky crossed his arms defiantly and waited for Shirley's answer. "BECAUSE they're your friends and you care about them and you, like, want to get them back!" she said to the duck, half pleading. He was visibly unmoved. Shirley continued. "Because if you were in trouble, they'd totally try to help you!" He reacted not one iota. Shirley sighed, rolled her eyes Nirvana-ward and muttered "because the faster we find them the faster you'll get your CD back." The last phrase seemed to catch Plucky's attention, so Shirley asked again in an exasperated voice "where are Buster and Babs?" Almost smugly, Plucky said "they're in outer space." ***** Maurice was neat and tidy almost to the point of obsession. He kept his leisure suit lint-free, his platform shoes polished at all times, his roller skates well-oiled (just in case an impromptu roller disco broke out) and his gold medallions sparkling. He always had a bottle of Prell handy anytime he needed to bathe, and a bottle of Shower-to-Shower nearby if he was in battle and had to keep odor away. His refrigerator was always alphabetized. Avocados on the top left shelf, cans of Tab and bottles of tiger's milk on the bottom right. He always planned attacks in neat little packages as well. So far, his plan to conquer Woodstockland and take possession of King Woodstock's castle was working perfectly. But that was only half the packages Maurice was concerned about. One of the other two, capturing (if more drastic measures weren't necessary) Dr. Starkey, was actually one of the least of his concerns. Should Starkey attempt a rescue mission, he was more than confident his troops would be up to the challenge. It annoyed him that, although his troops nearly shot him down, they were still at this point unable to take him safely into custody. He didn't care for the fact that Starkey was out there somewhere planning something, because he was well aware of how cunning the good doctor can be in battle. The doctor was about as crafty as they came, and seemed to have an innate understanding of the Heebee Geebees. Despite the threat Starkey presented, he pushed that back into his mind and kept his focus on the primary target of the mission. He wanted Kathy. The whole reason for the invasion, the whole reason he crossed the border, the whole reason he had constructed his incredible war machine was to get her. His lip curled into a sneer when he thought of how the bumbling idiots he had for soldiers let her get away. Strategically, Kathy was completely and utterly unimportant. From a "love" standpoint, Maurice doubted there would be any woman he cared for anymore than he cared for himself. No. Kathy was 100 times bigger than that. To Maurice, Kathy was what made Woodstockland Woodstockland. She was young, innocent. She wanted to find herself and her place in the world. She thought deep thoughts; she dreamed happy dreams. She made Maurice sick. Maurice wanted to break her. Make her like the rest of the Heebee Geebees. Single-minded, concerned only with herself, unfeeling. He wanted to watch her dance underneath the flashing lights of the disco floor with someone she hardly knew, then watch her blow him off for some other complete stranger as dispassionately as if she were discarding a wad of paper. That would be perfect. Maurice mindlessly meandered to the window and looked outside. The streets were empty. The interpretive art in the common was nothing more than piles of tiny pebbles, run over by his Pet Rocks. Soon they would be replaced by larger-than-life statues of himself. He thought long and hard about how he lost his taste for Woodstockland, turning instead into the cold, calculating leader of a cold, calculating people. It wasn't something that happened overnight. It was a gradual wearing-down of old values which, although perhaps might be a good idea in some sugary-sweet utopia, didn't withstand the test of reality. For many years in his life he clung to King Woodstock's theory that people want to do what's good and right, they just have to be loved and respected enough to feel comfortable making that decision. He was taught from day one that love overcame everything. It was the beginning of everything, and lasted forever. Those were the ideals drilled into his head at a young age. Ideals re-enforced at every turn during his year of training for his mission to earth. Those were the ideals that slowly lost their meaning the longer he stayed on earth. He saw what the "real world" can do to someone's spirit, someone's empathy, no matter how high his or her ideals were. He saw great men murdered, and evil men rise to power in their place. He saw injustice right and left, behind every nook and cranny. When he made his reports to King Woodstock as he was directed to, he left many things out, mostly for lack of a way to explain them to the king. He would never understand their significance, or even believe such things would occur. He saw the world through rose-colored glasses, and even those let in too much light for him to see things clearly. For what they were. Maurice was alone in an unfeeling, cruel place during unfeeling and cruel times. It was only a matter of time before he succumbed to the lesser ideals. He first did it as a matter of survival. Soon, he found all his old ideals unfrozen and left out in the sun to spoil. In their place was the new ideals. Ideals like "looking out for number one," and "take what you can get when you can get it." In an odd way, in the furthest corner of his mind, Maurice wished he hadn't given in. He realized that in a practical sense, he had to let some of his old ideals go, but now and again wished he hadn't let them die completely. Maybe in some other reality, on some other plane of existence or consciousness, they were ideals worth holding on to. But he couldn't discount what he'd seen and what he'd learned through 55 years on earth. Perhaps, he thought when he looked back at it, all of this was preordained. Maybe he was sent to become the leader he thought his people so desperately needed. One who dealt with things as they were, and not as he wanted them to be. Maurice, in his mind, was the living embodiment of the backlash against what Woodstock stood for. How wrong he was. How naïve he was. Maurice sat back at his desk, pondering his next move. His brothers Barry and Robin reported nothing new in their attempts to locate Kathy. They started by investigating how she could've gotten out of her room. There was one door in and out, and the windows to her room led only to an open field where there were few places to hide, all of which had been thoroughly searched again and again by his troops. There were no tracks leading away from her room, and almost nothing to suggest she had been in there to begin with, except the eyewitness accounts of some of his bumbling soldiers. It was obvious that, if she had left, she couldn't have gotten very far on foot, or it was possible she was hiding in some secret part of the castle. In either case, her first mission would be to rescue her father, and his troops were primed and ready for that. A knock came at the door. "What?" Maurice shouted with more than a little annoyance at his train of thought being interrupted. A pair of Geebee guardsmen came in, pulling two soldiers by the arms. "Here are the men you wanted to see, sir," one of the guardsmen said. Maurice stared at them without emotion. "You were the last two to see her?" he said plainly. Both of them nodded. "Where is she?" "Sir," the smaller of the two said in a voice at least an octave higher than normal. "We saw her run into her room. When we broke the door down, she was gone." The other one only nodded. "I see," Maurice said as he calmly rose from his chair. "And yet, you somehow managed to let her get away?" He shook his head, then started straight at the two guardsmen. "Get them out of my sight." His two guards dragged the soldiers out of the room, and shut the door behind them. Maurice sat down at his desk, then listened as two laser shots echoed down the empty hall. For a split second, he pondered the possibility of his guards having stiffer penalties than getting shot in the fanny. Then, in utter frustration, he slammed his fists down on the desk as hard as he could, knocking most of its contents to the floor. ***** Buster wiped his brow. The afternoon was getting warmer. He, Dot and Yakko had been walking across an endless field of strawberries for what seemed like hours. He had no idea where they were going, and neither did his travelling partners. It was like the blind leading the blind. Assuming, of course, one of them was actually leading. And that had never been established clearly. Just prior to their leaving the farm, all three of them agreed the best thing for them to do was punch the retrieval code into the water tank's control panel. The tank blasted off for home, presumably the Warner Brother's lot. They mutually agreed it would be better to make sure it didn't fall into the wrong hands, the Heebee Geebees or the farmer's. True, Buster thought, they now had no way of getting home, but they weren't going to leave without Babs and Wakko, and they were getting less and less optimistic about finding them by the minute. Buster sighed quietly, and glanced up at the hazy purple sky above him. He had to find Babs. Alive. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost her," he thought. Although the afternoon was still warm, Buster suddenly felt cold. He shivered a bit, and tried to keep his mind focused on the task at hand. As he walked, however, he realized there was no task at hand. He and the Warners might as well be sitting in the middle of the field twiddling their thumbs for all it mattered. None of them knew where they were going or what they were going to do once they got there. Buster looked up at the sun. It was getting lower in the sky with each passing minute, and in a couple of hours it would start getting dark. The only thing Buster knew was that he really didn't want to be caught outside when it got dark. Yakko and Dot followed him in silence, trudging their way through the twisted strawberry patch, apparently lost in their own thoughts as well. There were few strawberries on any of the plants, and those that were there were a deep shade of green. For all Buster knew they could be perfectly ripe and edible, or if the strawberries got picked, they might try to eat him back. Buster wasn't in the mood to test the temperament of any of the wild plants growing nearby. Suddenly, Buster's ears perked up. He thought he heard something off in the distance. "It might be my mind playing tricks on me," he thought, but as he turned around to face the Warners, their ears were in much the same position. "Did you hear something?" Yakko asked cautiously in a slightly whispered voice. "I'm not sure," Buster replied in much the same tone. Both he and the Warners started looking around quickly, but nothing could be seen for miles except lots of strawberry plants. They waited for a couple of minutes, and while doing so, all three thought they did hear something. It was shrill and high-pitched, but it was impossible to tell exactly where it was coming from. Dot looked at Buster hopefully. "What was that?" she asked. Buster could only shrug his shoulders. Buster motioned for all of them to drop to one knee and stand still until they could figure out what the noise was. Buster still hadn't seen anything, and the noise hadn't been that loud, but both those facts made him even more jumpy than he already was. Suddenly, quickly, a shadow passed over the three of them. Buster tensed, and slolwy looked up over his shoulder. Circling above the field was a giant bird, an eagle. Its wingspan Buster conservatively guessed as 25 feet. Its feathers were dark, almost black, and its head as white as pure snow. Buster didn't think the bird had seen them yet, mostly because if it had, it would've gone into a power-dive right at them, and he dove belly-first to the ground, and heard the Warners do likewise. Buster felt something tap his foot, and turned to face Dot. "What are we gonna do?" she whispered, nearly in tears. Dot's facial expression stunned Buster somewhat. He couldn't recall ever seeing any of the Warners in a state of fear. That unsettled him. Crawling on her knees and elbows, Dot edged her way up to where Buster was, and huddled close by him. Buster, almost unconsciously, put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her in tightly. He didn't know who was more scared, himself or Dot. Then, there was another sound. It made Buster's heart jump. It was footsteps, and not too distant ones. Buster could hear noisy footfalls behind him, making a slight squishing sound in time with the beating of his own heart. He was almost certain whoever it was could hear his heartbeat and shallow breathing. Buster turned his head, and saw a figure. It was about six feet tall, with large oval eyes, black as midnight. It wore a powder blue suit, several years out of date, and a small medallion around its neck. In its hands appeared to be some sort of high-powered rifle. Without a word, it motioned to someone or something behind it. Immediately, two similar looking and similarly dressed figures approached, each scanning the area. How none of them saw the Warners or the blue bunny confounded Buster, seeing as how they were maybe 15 yards away. One of the figures reached into its pocket and pulled out a small walkie-talkie. "Jive Talker, this is How Deep Is Your Love. Area secure. There's no sign of them." "10-4. Jive Talker out," the voice on the other end said through the speaker. Without another word, the figures moved on. No one dared move for several minutes, until Buster, ears pulled down, peeked over the tops of some plants. Slowly moving his head around, he saw nothing except the miles upon miles of strawberries. Buster stood up slowly, knowing full well those other guys could be lying in wait somewhere in the field. Not once did his eyes stop scanning around him for even the faintest of movement. He saw nothing but the plants. Silently he motioned for Dot and Yakko to get up as well. They did so with every bit of caution Buster had. Buster motioned for them to continue onward. "I think they took off by now," he whispered to Dot. "Pass it on." Dot turned toward her brother and whispered something to him. Yakko pondered what she said for a second and whispered something back to her. She motioned for Buster to come closer. "I think Ray looked at a cow. Pass it on." Buster groaned under his breath. All three stood up slowly. Buster caught just a glimpse of one of the Heebee Geebee's vehicles rolling off in the distance, in the same general direction he thought the other vehicles and the giant bird had gone. "What do we do now?" Yakko asked, in a voice that was still not much louder than a whisper. Buster thought for a second or two, then motioned for the Warners to follow him. He started walking quickly, then jogging toward where he saw the vehicle disappear. "Let's follow them," he loudly whispered back. "Maybe they'll lead us to some sort of civilization." "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Dot asked with noticeable trepidation in her voice. "I don't see that we've got much of a choice," Buster said. "It's not like we're getting anywhere fast the way we're going." Buster made his way along at a quick pace, and heard the Warners following behind him. It was then that he realized he'd just been appointed the leader of this wild goose chase without the other having to speak a single word. ***** Not a single word had been spoken for hours. But the silence spoke volumes. It spoke so loud to Babs she once or twice thought about plugging her ears. She and Wakko were, for the moment, relatively safe. The had evidently given their pursuers the slip. Now they were wandering through a dense conifer forest, not a place they were likely to be spotted by anyone that was more than 10 feet away. The two of them kept up a steady, if not terribly speedy pace, trying to dodge any twigs on the ground which might snap when stepped on and give away their whereabouts. Babs' head still felt like it was on a swivel, most likely from the exorbitant amount of sugar she'd consumed. And she still had a sharp pain in her stomach, which she kept telling herself was from the candy, and not the pangs of a guilty conscience. She followed Wakko through the trees and small underbrush to wherever it was they were going. They had made it this far without a travel itinerary, what would be the use in making one up now? Babs inadvertently kicked a small pebble with her foot, wondering if she could fit under it the way she was feeling. Wakko was being just a tad too brave, a little to ignorant of the fact that he'd just had his heart ripped from his chest for anyone to believe he wasn't hurting on the inside. Babs would rather have everything out in the open at this point, but she didn't even know where to begin. But, ugh, this was getting absurd. She cleared her throat, not loudly, but not quietly either, hoping just to get Wakko's attention, which she had not. She did it again, considerably louder this time. Still, it brought no reaction from her traveling companion, who marched onward like the brave little solider he was apparently pretending to be. Finally, out of near-disgust, Babs grabbed Wakko by the shirttail and stopped him in his tracks. "Let's talk," she said sternly. Wakko looked back at her stone-faced and completely expressionless. He had clearly made up his mind he wasn't going to say anything, and he was going to let Babs do all the talking. Babs started to fidget nervously, twisting her foot around in the dirt and running her right hand down the length of her ears, which she let flop down behind her back. "Um, about what happened back there," she began, then trailed off, trying to figure out what the heck to say next, "I...I was..." The subtle approach was getting her nowhere. Time to just come out and say it. She took a deep breath. "Wakko, I used you to get back at Buster," she said. "I was mad at him because I thought he didn't want to be my Valentine. I thought I'd just flirt with you for awhile and see what happened. I thought you had a little thing for me, but I didn't realize how serious you were." She hung her head all the way down to her chest. "I'm sorry." After a moment or two, her eyes looked up in his direction, but she didn't move her head. She saw his eyes, which were aimed right at her, but were looking inside himself. At that moment Babs knew he wasn't mad at her. He never was. There was a long awkward silence. Neither of them had hardly moved. Just as Babs wondered if she should say something else to him. He spoke up. "I'm sorry, too," he said. Babs was shocked. That was the last thing she expected him to say. Had Abraham Lincoln and Tony Orlando suddenly crawled up from the soil she was standing on and broke into a rendition of "Tie A Yellow Ribbon" at that moment, she couldn't have been more dumbfounded. She could only respond by letting out a dull-witted "huh?" He nodded. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I was seeing something that wasn't there. I wanted so much for you to notice me, I guess I got carried away." Babs still hadn't moved, and wasn't even aware she was still staring at him slack-jawed, and a little pool of saliva was starting to collect in the front of her mouth, which could spill over at any time. "I'm not exactly young, Babs, not like you. And," he clasped his hands together behind his back and stared toward the ground, "it's not like I have girls beating down my door everyday, I mean, not like you do." Wakko's last statement took Babs aback a little. Slightly embarrassed, Wakko covered his mouth and chuckled quietly. "I mean, not like you have guys beating down your door," he corrected himself. Babs giggled a little along with him, then interjected, "typical man. I'm sure you enjoy the thought of that, don't you?" They both let out a healthy laugh. Babs, for one, was relieved, and she thought Wakko might be feeling better, too. She started off down the forest and waved at him to follow. "Come on, let's walk and talk," she said, and almost immediately Wakko waddled up toward her. They walked side-by-side through the trees. "So, what do you like in a woman?" Babs asked. Wakko shrugged. "I dunno," he answered placidly. "There's not just one or two things, I guess. I like someone who's warm, understanding, and..." his voice trailed off. "And what?" Babs asked, perhaps not as gently as she should've, she thought after she said it, judging by the way Wakko turned his eyes away from her almost immediately. "Um, I guess someone who doesn't think I'm, I'm, some kind of weirdo." Babs felt a pang of something after hearing this. She wasn't sure exactly what to call it, but moral outrage might have been the closest name for it. "What?!" she exclaimed. "Who thinks you're a weirdo?" Wakko started scratching his cheeks and his nose nervously. "It's alright, Babs," he said after a moment's pause. "I know me and my family are a little...different. I know I've said and done some, shall we say, inappropriate, things every once in a while, some of them I wish I hadn't done." Wakko sounded almost (but not quite) apologetic. Babs knew what he was referring to, and heard stories about the clan, giving her some idea of the reputation the Warners had when dealing with members of the opposite sex (which she had seen first-hand when she introduced Buster to Dot). But now, Wakko sounded like he was ready to turn over a new leaf. Not once in their time they'd spent together had he made any overripe comments to her. In fact, he'd been a perfect gentleman. She hadn't felt anything but secure around him since they got separated from the others. This revelation dawned on Babs so fast, she just barely heard Wakko as he continued. "That's not what I want anymore," he said. "I want something else." Once the words sunk into Babs' head, she was even more befuddled. "He's really matured," she thought to herself, before realizing "and I haven't." Only now did she realize how selfish she had been from the beginning. She had been "rejected" by Buster, and played with Wakko's emotions just to get back at him. She thought Wakko would be flattered, maybe flirt with her, maybe make those overripe comments to her in front of Buster. But that never happened. He had been giving her the kind of attention she wanted from Buster, and it didn't even occur to her. Obviously, she thought, she wasn't half as smart as she believed she was about men. She stopped her train of thought just long enough to tell Wakko "don't worry. I've got a feeling that, whatever you want, you'll find it." Wakko looked at her hopefully. "You mean it?" "Absolutely," she said without hesitation. "I think very soon a woman will see you the way you want her to see you, and she'll fall for you hard." As they continued on their way through the forest, Babs noticed Wakko had more of a spring in his step. She had noticeably lost hers. ***** Shirley rarely understood Plucky to begin with, but this time she really had no idea what he was saying. "Outer space?!" she shouted at him. "Like, do you even know what you're talking about? All those hours in front of the couch watching 'Battlestar Galactica' must have turned your brain into mush, or some junk." Plucky shook his head, frustrated at such ridiculous speculation as was being offered by the loon. "First of all, it was 'The Empire Strikes Back', and second of all I know exactly what I'm talking about." He pointed toward the tower, and everyone turned to look. "As we all know from the scene where Bobba Fett hides in the Imperial Garbage Dump," he continued, "spaceships can be disguised as anything, a piece of floating intergalactic garbage, a water tower, anything." "I don't mean to be rude, Plucky," Hamton interjected, "but what does this have to do with Buster and Babs?" "This will go a lot quicker if I'm not INTERRUPTED, Hambrain," Plucky snapped at him. Plucky began to pace in front of his friends with his hand rubbing the cleft of his chin. "As any simpleton would realize," he said while simultaneously passing in front of Shirley, "an alien race coming to this planet would have to disguise its ship as something else in order to land. What better way to do this than by hiding it in plain sight, such as a large yellow water tower?" Out of the corner of his eye, Plucky saw Hamton and Fifi shrugging and giving each other quizzical looks. Simpletons, he thought. The more he expounded on his theory, the more he was sure he was right. He continued. "Somehow, Buster and Babs, and probably the Warner Brothers and their sister, Dot, discovered the water tank to be a spacecraft, and went...there." He pointed straight toward the full moon. Satisfied he'd made his point, Plucky had a seat on the park bench and stretched out. His friends were hardly convinced, however. Shirley, as if wandering aimlessly, strolled over to the park bench with her hands clasped behind her back. "Oh, like, okay Plucky," she started. Plucky thought he was detecting just a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Buster and Babs somehow discovered that a large, immovable object that's been sitting in the exact same spot for almost 80 years is actually a spaceship, and they flew to the moon. That, like, makes perfect sense, except for one thing." Plucky flinched at the suggestion. "What's that?" "ALL OF IT!!!" Shirley screamed at the top of her lungs right in Plucky's ear, causing Plucky's head to expand into a ridiculous bulbous shape and his eardrums to momentarily jut out of his earholes. "That's the most ridiculous story I've ever heard! What would ever, EVER make you come up with a crazy story like that?" Plucky was taken aback. "What? You don't believe me?" Shirley had turned his back on the duck, and stood with her arms folded, her eyes closed and her beak pointing skyward, clearly unwilling to listen to anything further he had to say. Plucky jumped by her and in front of Hamton and Fifi. "Hmph. Who cares what you think! My friends Hamton and Fifi believe me, right guys?" The pair's immediate reaction didn't give Plucky much indication that they believed him either. Hamton started fidgeting nervously, the way he always did when he was trying to avoid confrontation, while Fifi was giving the duck a stern look. "How do vous expect moi to believe a, how you zay, ztinky story like zat one?" she asked. "That's a fishy story, Feef," Hamton corrected her, before slapping a hand to his mouth. Plucky, after giving Hamton an icy glare, shook his head sorrowfully. "Oh, ye of little faith. Just give it some time!" Not knowing why she was agreeing to this, except that she, Hamton and Fifi had exhausted all other options, Shirley sighed. "Fine," she said, exasperated. She motioned to Hamton and Fifi. "Like, come on, and we'll go get some ice cream in the commissary." Plucky started to head in that direction as well, but Shirley snapped her head around and gave him the evil eye. "You're not invited," she said shortly as she marched off with Hamton and Fifi. Plucky sat back on the bench and groaned. "Oh, the burden of genius." ***** Ten minutes later, Shirley sat staring at her lima bean-flavored ice cream topped with bean sprouts. It was her favorite flavor, but she'd hardly touched it. As Fifi let out a small giggle, she looked up and saw the two lovebirds sitting across the booth. Hamton had a big smudge of chocolate on his cheek, and Fifi was wiping it off for him. "Vous zloppy leetle piggy," she teased as she curled her lush tail around his shoulders. After a moment, Fifi noticed Shirley staring at her and Hamton, completely aloof. Her playful mood quickly changed to one of concern for her best friend. "Vhat iz wrong?" she asked. Shirley let out a tired groan. "It's that lunkhead out there," she said. "He's totally making me disenchanted with everyone and every thing." Fifi paused, then asked as gently as she could: "vous love heem, don't vous?" Shirley tensed. "He gets me so angry! Sometimes I just wish he'd float off into another plane of consciousness! Grr!" Inwardly, Fifi grinned widely. Shirley had just said more about her feelings for Plucky than if she talked about him for an hour. Fifi knew Shirley was madly in love with the little green duck but adamantly refused to admit it to herself. ***** A drop of blood fell onto the king's coat, and another, and another. His ring finger was bleeding considerably now, which was somewhat surprising to him. He was sure there was no more bloodflow going to his arms after what he estimated 10 hours of being in the tight chains. Every couple of hours or so, Maurice would come to visit, patronize him a little bit, and ask him to sign the "peace treaty" that he had no intention of signing; not as long as he had a breath of air left in his body. Right now, however, he wasn't worried so much about the blood, or the contract. The only thing he had the least bit of concern about was the ring, lying on the floor out of his reach. Darn, he thought. There must be some way to get it. The king swung his foot over to try and touch it. If he could touch it, he might be able to drag it over close enough to pick it up somehow. But, try as he might, he couldn't quite touch it. He sat still for several minutes, pondering what might happen if Maurice were to find Kathy. There would be a marriage, certainly, between his daughter and the ruler of the Heebee Geebees, with as much ridiculous pomp and circumstance one could imagine. Maurice would dress in his poweder blue tuxedo with the ruffled shirt, while she would wear some intolerably long and tight dress, revealing the curves of her body to anyone that was around to see them. Before the champagne was flat, she would be subjected to a long period of brainwashing, almost assuredly. She would end up used, then neglected, then miserable. He had to get that ring. He had a plan. It was a desperate plan, but desperation was about all he had now. He drew a deep breath, and then whistled at the top of his lungs. When he ran out of air, he inhaled deeply, and did it again. Finally, it seemed to catch someone's attention. He heard footsteps approaching him, and the turning of a rusty key into a rusty lock. The heavy door to the dungeon swung open, and in lumbered a dopey-looking Heebee Geebee. He had the approximate intelligence level the king was seeking, but was considerably bigger than he'd hoped. He would have to do. "Duh, what's all duh racket?" the Geebee guard asked the king. "I'm sorry to bother you," the king told him, "but I seem to have dropped my ring." He flicked his head in the general direction of the piece of jewelry. "Would you mind terribly picking it up for me. It's a valuable family heirloom, and the last thing I want is for it to get lost or dirty." "Duh, valuable, huh?" The Geebee guard's eyes flashed with greed. Exactly as the king was expecting. The guard lumbered over and picked up the ring. He eyed it carefully. It had a large blue turquoise stone in the center, which was surrounded by several diamonds. The rest of the ring was made of the purest platinum anywhere. "Those diamonds," the king explained, "symbolize every one of the Woodstock rulers. The turquoise is for my great-great-great-great-great grandfather, the first ruler of our family. We wanted to find a bigger turquoise stone, but that was the biggest available." The guard smirked. "Gee, t'anks for the ring, king," as he was about to walk out of the room. Then he stopped. "Hey, I'm a poet...and I didn't even realize it. Ha ha ha!" While the guard was distracted, celebrating his own cleverness (probably the most clever thing he'd ever said in his life, the king estimated), the king nonchalantly stuck his foot in between the guard's legs. As the guard turned to go, he tripped over the king's foot, landed squarely on his face, and the ring fell from out of his hands. The king watched with almost detached interest as the ring hit the floor, bounced up and off an nearby wall, and flew straight at his right hand. The king snatched the ring from out of the air. Just like he'd planned. Then, with a quick flick of his wrist, tossed the ring right into the center of the mirror's glass. ***** The sun was low in the sky, making the woods darker than they already were. Heavy shadows fell all around the house, even on the big glass window which let in the most light. It was a secluded area, a good 50 miles from the castle. Few ever traveled the woods, and those who did weren't likely to find this little cottage. It was far off the normally-traveled path, and was well hidden by the surrounding trees. In short, it was the perfect safe house. Kathy, having nothing better to do, was sweeping the dust off the floor in the living room. She has a fire going in the kitchen in case she decided to cook something, on the off chance that she was going to get hungry sometime soon. She was exhausted, mostly from worrying about her father. While she knew in the back of her mind that she was in perhaps even greater danger, it was her father who was in the most immediate trouble. She continued to sweep around the small room, hoping the dust would keep her mind off of everything else that was going around, for a little while, anyway. She'd had little else to do for the past two days. The only things the room contained were a table and chairs, a couch with a hide-away bed, a television that couldn't pick up any channels this far into the woods, and a large mirror, identical to the one she had in her room. While she had her back turned, a small glow started emanating from the mirror, something that could easily have been confused with a stray ray of light which somehow navigated its way through the tops of the trees in the late afternoon hour. Kathy didn't even consciously perceive it, let alone give it any mind. The light then got stronger. And stronger. The yellow, hazy glow became a deep purple color, then red, then a spectrum of colors that looked like they were coming straight out of a stray rainbow. This finally caught Kathy's full attention. She turned around and saw the colors, which now appeared to be shooting out of the mirror. They were so bright she had to shade her face with her forearm just to look in the mirror's direction. After about 10 more seconds of this light show, a small object dropped straight out of the glass, and made a loud *ping* on the floor. Immediately, the light show ceased. Kathy ran to the mirror and looked down on the floor to see a large, platinum ring with a turquoise setting, and several smaller diamonds encircling it. The family ring. Kathy picked the ring up and stared at it like she'd never seen it before, although she saw it no less than 10 times a day for virtually every day of her life. The king never took his ring off except to have it cleaned, and then only when he had the time to oversee the cleaning process himself. This was obviously a dire situation, however, and he had to communicate with his daughter any way he could. He had access to the other mirror, she knew that now, but obviously he couldn't escape himself, or else he would have. Something was holding him back. Kathy stared deeply into the mirror, hoping beyond hope to catch a glimpse of what might lie on the other side. But, unless it was in use, it was a normal mirror. On the frame was etched the initials R.S., for its inventor. She knew she would never understand how it worked, how it could transport someone or something from one place to the other. But it always worked. Kathy staggered toward the couch, her mind racing. She put a hand heavily on her forehead, brushing back her bangs out of her eyes as she sat down. What was she going to do? Should she take a chance in passing through the mirror back to the castle, or should she try to locate help? Or should she just stay put? The last thing her father told her before her leaving was that as long as she was safe, he was safe. Those words were the only thing stopping her from leaving the safe house. That, or maybe the fact she would have to take on a whole army by herself if she left. ***** Through no fault of their own, Buster and the Warner siblings had found something. It was a castle, Buster thought. Or at least the remnants of a castle not too far off. It was dark now, probably close to midnight, Buster guessed. He was exhausted, but he knew his little group had to keep up with the convoy in front of them no matter how long it took because, as he'd guessed, the convoy was going somewhere. And somewhere was better than nowhere, like in the middle of a strawberry patch. The castle, which appeared to have several gaping holes along every wall Buster could see, was flooded with light from a pair of huge dish lamps. He could make out some small figures which appeared to be marching in front of what was left of the outer wall. In between Buster, the Warners and the castle were at least five hundred tents, and a few insect guards which were wandering around the camp. Dot tugged at Buster's shirt. "Is this their headquarters?" she asked. Buster shook his head. "They wouldn't have a bunch of troops sleeping in tents outside of their headquarters," he whispered back. "They must have attacked this place and captured it." "Do you think this is that king's palace, the one Ringo was talking about?" Yakko whispered. "Could be." "Well, there's only one way to find out," Yakko asserted. Buster jumped with alarm. "What are you talking about?" "We've got to get in there," he said. The rabbit jumped back with astonishment. "Are you crazy?!" Buster admonished, about as well as he could do while whispering. "There must be a thousand of them, not including the ones inside the castle! And they don't look like they entertain guests much." "C'mon, it might be fun," Yakko said, poking at Buster's ribs with his elbow. "Besides, it's not like we have much to lose at this point." Buster could hardly argue with that. He scratched his head. "Okay, how are we going to get in there?" "Don't worry, I've got a plan," Yakko said. "That's exactly what I'm worried about," Buster replied, frowning. Yakko gathered the group in a tight huddle. "Okay, here's what we're gonna do." He whispered his plan softly to the others, so that no one six inches away could make out what was being said. ******** CHAPTER EIGHT Now she looked at me And I, I could see That before too long, I'd fall in love with her Now she'll never dance with another When I saw her standing there --The Beatles "I Saw Her Standing There" It was late in the morning, but only a few minutes before had sunlight made it to them. Babs and Wakko were deep in the everyellow forest. Huge trees surrounded them and were so thick they blocked out all but the most lost beams of light. Wakko kicked as much dirt and tree needles over the previous night's campfire as he could, hoping that, in the unlikely event someone were to go through this part of the forest, they wouldn't see that someone had been there. There was no forest trail going nearby, at least none that he or Babs had seen, so he wasn't as careful about covering up the burn as he might normally have been. The two walked side-by-side through the forest, keeping their chatter to a minimum for two reasons, the first being they didn't want to make any more noise than necessary, and the second because they'd sat up for hours the previous night talking, and Wakko really had nothing more to say about any relevant subject. Babs occasionally asked him a question about his personal life as they hiked aimlessly through the dense trees, but Wakko gave her just the shortest, most precise answer he could, and rarely tossed any question back to her. As he walked, Wakko thought about what Babs had told him before they set up camp for the night. There was somebody out there for him. He just had to find her and show her what kind of person he really was. Wakko supposed Babs might have just been trying to humor him, but he was at least somewhat convinced that Babs truly believed what she had told him. While pondering these possibilities, Wakko hadn't been paying any attention to what Babs was doing. A little "psst" noise from behind snapped him back to reality. He turned around, and saw Babs standing 20 feet behind him, sticking her head out from the far side of a tree trunk. She motioned for him to retreat. "What's up?" he whispered to her after falling back to her position. She yanked him behind the tree trunk. "Look!" she whispered as she pointed toward something in the distance. "What is that over there?" It appeared to be a small log cabin in a small tree clearing. The cabin was but 30 yards in front of them, but was almost impossible to see if you weren't looking right at it. Stray gray smoke wafted from a chimney, indicating to Wakko that someone resided in the cabin, and might well be at home. "What should we do?" Babs whispered. "I don't know, but I'd prefer that only you and I know where we are," he said. "Maybe we should go around." "But what if the owners are out here in the woods? How do we know we won't run into them?" Babs had a point, Wakko thought. They could just as easily be spotted no matter what they did. A cold chill ran down his spine, literally, causing his entire body to quiver when he realized that he and Babs might be being watched even as they spoke. He quickly sized up each of their undesirable options. "Maybe we should sneak up to the house and see if anyone's there," he told Babs. "Then, at least we'll know whether to hide or to keep going." Babs had a puzzled yet fearful look in her eye. Wakko scratched his head. "I'm not crazy about the idea either, but it would at least give us a chance to find out what we're up against." After a moment, Babs slowly nodded her head, apparently understanding Wakko's rationale, if not buying it entirely. Wakko stuck his head out of one side of the tree, and Babs the other. The coast was clear, except for the trees. Slowly they sneaked out, tiptoeing with long but cautious steps. Wakko didn't see anyone or anything moving other than Babs in any direction. They pressed on. Soon, they were hiding behind a large pyramid of firewood, just inches from the door. Neither one of them had seen anything up to this point. Wakko cautiously looked over the top of the firewood. Next to the door was a large window. Babs was standing next to him but looking in the opposite direction for anyone sneaking up on them. Wakko tapped her on the shoulder, causing her to instantly jump 15 feet into the air. Wakko snatched her in his arms as she came down. Her teeth chattered uncontrollably, and her pink fur had turned into the sickest white he'd ever seen in his life. "Shh!" he told her in as admonishing of a whisper as he could muster. "I'm going in for a closer look. Stay here and don't move. And for goodness sakes, don't do THAT anymore!" Wakko slowly crept away from Babs, who pathetically reached out for him with her arm as he moved away, like a helpless baby grabbing for an out-of-reach pacifier. Wakko then got on his belly and inchwormed his way to the window. He got on his hands and knees, and, after one quick sweep around his area of vision, put his face up against the window pane. ***** It never ceased to amaze him how stupid the Heebee Geebee population in general really was. All he had to do was claim to be somebody he resembled, and voila! He had access to the entire castle. Dr. Starkey rubbed his coarse beard. He hadn't been able to trim it in four days now. He had told the guard he was just on the planet for the day and really wanted to see his old friend Maurice. No problem! He's in the throne room! Would you like me to take you up to see him? No, that's all right. I shall find him myself. Thanks all the same. About the only resistance any of the soldiers wandering around the castle had put up was insisting he give them his autograph. Maurice and Dr. Starkey had never met. He knew Maurice had heard of him, a scientist who often aided King Woodstock when he was needed, but would never have been able to pick him out of a group of three given two guesses. But the good doctor knew Maurice as well as he knew himself. He knew virtually everything there was to know about him, including but not limited to his favorite breakfast cereal (Special K) and his favorite undergarment (nothing). Most importantly, the doctor knew Maurice's Achilles' heel. His own feelings of invincibility. Dr. Starkey found, with some difficulty, the throne room (it had been a number of years since he last visited, under less strenuous circumstances, and the castle was so expansive it was easy to get lost). He tapped on the door. No one answered. The doctor opened the door and stuck his head in. The room was indeed empty. He noticed a big stack of papers on King Woodstock's desk, which he was certain were not the king's but Maurice's. He quickly but quietly shut the door behind him and bounded over to the desk. The top piece of paper on the pile was labeled "Schematic", and nothing more. He turned the page. He gasped. It wasn't possible, he thought. How could the Heebee Geebees pull off something like this? It would take him years for the top Geebeenian scientist just to come up with the most rudimentary design, and quite probably the rest of his life and the lives of two or three other scientists to build such a thing. He didn't know if it had been built, but he closed his eyes and said a silent prayer that it hadn't been. "So, you like it?" The doctor raised his head, and standing in the doorway was Maurice, with Barry and Robin at his sides, each holding a silver rifle. Maurice strode inside, chuckling like a kid who was burning ants with a magnifying glass. His brothers followed him in. "I'm afraid we haven't been formally introduced. You are Dr. Starkey, I presume." The doctor snorted as believably as he could. "I'm sorry. You have me confused with someone else. I'm Ringo Starr." "Oh, you're the doctor, all right," Maurice said condescendingly. "A friend of mine, a wheat-farmer by birth and by trade, told me to expect you here. I must admit, I'm humbled to meet you. You are a technical genius. I'm sorry we couldn't meet under more agreeable circumstances, but you know how it is. Pity, we could use a man like you." Maurice strode toward the desk and sat down in King Woodstock's chair. "You didn't answer my question, Dr. Starkey. What do you think of our invention?" "I think you all are nuts to even dream of building such a thing," the doctor said. "Why would you even try? It would never work." Maurice shook his finger at the doctor in as patronizing a fashion as possible. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. Never say never, doctor." The doctor shook his head in disbelief. "Would you be a good enough fellow to tell me where the tower is?" Maurice asked. "I don't know. The last time I saw it was in the rearview mirror of a bus." "And would mind telling me where your little friends are? The ones you brought here to assist you with your fight?" "I don't know." Maurice motioned with his head toward Dr. Starkey, and Barry and Robin each grabbed one of the doctor's arms. They dragged him toward the door. As he was about to forcibly exit, the doctor turned his head back toward Maurice. "It's not built yet, is it?" Maurice only smiled. Barry shut the door, and the two brothers hauled the doctor off down the stairs and toward the basement. ***** For the past 48 hours, they'd been hanging around the studio, waiting for goodness knows what. Shirley had only put up with it so far because there had been little else to do in the quest to find Buster, Babs, the Warners and the Warner Brother's water tank. But her patience was at an end. She and Fifi had stayed for the past two nights with one of Shirley's friends in the valley, while Plucky and Hamton had slept in the meat locker of the commissary. Each morning, Shirley and Fifi had to go into the meat locker with hair dryers and thaw the dynamic duo out. But she'd had all she could stand, and she wouldn't stand no more. "That's it, Plucky! We're leaving!" "What are you talking about?!" said the duck, incredulous. "It's gonna happen! I'm sure of it!" "What, Plucky?" shouted Shirley. "What's going to happen?! We've been here for two days, and, like, I'm sick of waiting for this, whatever, that you keep saying is going to happen any minute now. I am SO out of here!" As she jumped off the park bench and headed for the exit, she heard Fifi and Hamton get up and start walking with her. "Where are you going?" asked Plucky to whomever would answer him. "It's going to happen. I know it!" Shirley reached the gate, and was waiting for Ralph (who was covered head-to- toe in bandages after his unfortunate run-in with a Mack truck a few days earlier, but adamantly refused to miss work) to raise the gate and let her out. As she waited, she swore she heard some sort of faint, persistent rumbling in the distance. Puzzled, she turned around. She didn't see anything out of the ordinary (Plucky was jumping up and down and spouting off incoherent admonitions to Hamton, Fifi and herself, but that was hardly out of the ordinary), but the sound wouldn't go away. If anything, it was getting louder. "Is zat vous stomach?" Fifi asked Hamton in a teasing voice. Apparently, Shirley wasn't the only one who heard it. To her surprise, Hamton shook his head. "No. I'm stuffed. After all that food you've been buying me lately, I couldn't eat another bite." The gate raised, but Shirley didn't move. She continued looking back. Then she saw something. Something in the sky. It was streaking toward the studio lot. The object looked very much like a small shooting star or an asteroid. But it was in the middle of the day, and would've been too bright to see anything like that. It zoomed closer and closer. The intense yellow light pouring from this object caused Shirley to reflexively shade her eyes with her forearm. Fifi and Hamton were doing the same thing. The object then slowed down, and appeared to be settling in for a soft landing...right on top of the legs of the water tower. Moments later, the glowing stopped. Shirley looked up. It was the water tank. She stood there, along with Fifi and Hamton, in quiet awe. Awe that was only broken by the chanting of "I told ya' so! I told ya' so!" All of them sprinted over to the tank. They stood at the base and waited for the door to open. And waited. And waited. No one emerged. "Aren't they going to come out, or some junk?" Shirley asked. Fifi and Hamton shrugged their shoulders. "Maybe we should go up there and see what's going on," Hamton offered. Hamton called a maintenance man over to bring a ladder, which he propped up against the tower's scaffolding. Hamton ascended the ladder slowly, followed by the rest of the group. They reached the top. Shirley knocked gently on the door. No answer. She banged a little harder. "Hello? Is anyone, like, in there?" Again, she got no answer. She turned toward her friends. "Maybe their hurt. Maybe we should go in there, or some junk." "Stand aside, missy," pronounced Plucky as he shoved his way past Hamton and Fifi toward the door. He spit on his palms and flexed his arm muscles as if he actually had something to show off. "I'll get this door open." He seemed to ignore Shirley's groaning. With as much dramatic flare as he could muster, Plucky found the crease between the WB shield and the tank wall, and started pulling on it as hard as he could. "Ungh!" he groaned as he pulled with all his might, his puny muscles straining. Hamton tapped him on the shoulder. "Um, Plucky?" "Not now, Hamhocks! Can't you see I'm (ungh!) trying to get the door open?" "But Plucky, the door opens from the other side!" Plucky stopped short, and scowled. "I knew that," he mumbled, just before Hamton easily threw the door open, which nailed Plucky full in the face and crushed him against the tank wall. Hamton slowly pulled the door away from the wall and grinned sheepishly at his friend. "Oops. Sorry, Plucky." The green duck was spread-eagle against the wall, flat as a tacked-up poster. Shirley peeled him off the wall, shook him out, and he popped back into his regular shape. Hamton and Fifi stuck their heads into the door. Everything inside the tower was a mess. There was broken glass, objects strewn around like they'd been tossed into a bingo machine, and, most importantly, no sign of anyone inside. "Gosh, Fifi, I don't think anyone's in here." "But zen who flew ze tank here?" "Elementary, my dear skunkette," said Plucky, who was wandering toward the door in a stupor, still feeling the effects of a heavy steel object smashing into his person. "This ship obviously has some built-in retrieval doohickey. It flew itself here." Mentally, Shirley smacked herself in the forehead. "How could Plucky know this much about space travel and still be so totally brain dead?" she thought. Plucky finally collected himself from the shot to his noggin and entered the tank. The first thing that caught Plucky's eye was the passenger's seats anchored to the wall above the door. Plucky raised his head further, and saw the huge viewsreen and the control panel near the top of the tank. "Wow," said Hamton, who was looking up at the viewscreen also. "That's the biggest TV I've ever seen." "Zo what do we do now?" asked Fifi. To Shirley, the answer was obvious. "Like, I'm afraid there's only one thing to do. We've got to, like, fly this thing to the moon and find our friends." "Gosh, Shirley, how are we going to do that? Who's going to lead us?" Unfortunately, the answer to that was obvious, too. She sighed heavily and pointed toward Plucky, who was now decked out in shiny silver uniform, emblazoned with a red "PP" on the chest. The whole effect of the uniform, to Shirley, was that of a high dollar trash bag. "The one who knows the most about this stuff...the space cadet," she said solemnly. "If we're going to pull this off, he's totally our best option." Fifi and Hamton grinned politely at the green duck, who suddenly struck a heroic, arms akimbo pose. Plucky reached behind his back and pulled out uniforms identical to his own. He tossed one to everyone, and shouted "suit up! We've got a long and arduous journey ahead of us, so we need to get going!" With a melodramatic leap into the air, Plucky started flapping his arms and floated his way up to the control panel. He grabbed hold of the stationary chair in front of the control panel and scanned across the unmarked sea of buttons. He scratched the bottom of his bill. "Hmm. One of these buttons has to start this thing," Plucky thought out loud. Immediately, Shirley was already regretting the choice of making Plucky captain. "Fortunately, I always keep a full schematic of the U.S.S. Enterprise on my person." He reached into a breast pocket and pulled out a gigantic blueprint, which outlined in painstaking detail everything anyone could possibly want to know about the fictional space ship, and probably a million other things even the most hardcore Trekkie didn't want to know. Plucky folded out the blueprint to its full size. It was so big, a large portion of it was hanging on the floor near Shirley's feet. She glanced down at it. "So, like THAT'S where the bathrooms are!" "Ah ha!" Plucky shouted triumphantly. "I've found it!" He looked carefully at the schematic, then at the control panel. "According to this..." Plucky paused, gazing again at the schematic. "Of course! It all makes sense! THIS one is the ignition!" Without a second thought, Plucky slammed his finger triumphantly onto the corresponding button on the control panel. Immediately, the floor of the tower began to rumble. Shirley felt tremors in her legs. Something was happening underneath the floor. Just as suddenly as they had started, the tremors stopped. "Whoa," said Shirely. "That was, like, totally whacked out." Then, Shirley felt herself starting to slide across the floor. As if the entire room was tipping over toward the door. The door slammed itself closed. Loose objects around the room all started sliding toward her. "What iz going on?" asked Fifi. "I think we're getting ready to take off," Shirley answered. "You bet we are!" shouted Plucky. "I'd find a seat and put your seatbelt on if I were you!" The wall was now at enough of an angle to walk upon, and Shirley, Fifi and Hamton jumped into a row of seats and clicked their seatbelts on. "Here we go!" A loud, powerful noise, much like a perpetual cannon blast made Shirley jump in her seat. The ship began to quake more violently than ever. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Shirley shouted to Plucky at the top of her lungs. Plucky gave no indication that he'd heard. That didn't mean he hadn't, though, and Shirley knew it. Another shutter coming from the base of the tank told Shirley the ship had just cleared the legs of the tower. They were off to the moon. ***** It wasn't the first time Buster had put on a dress. That's not what bothered him. It was the dress itself. It was a sickening purple, the color of a wilting violet. It was almost thin enough to see right through. It felt too tight and too scratchy. It made his bosom swell too much, his backside look too firm, and seemed like it would invite too many eyes for his liking. Particularly Yakko's eyes, which didn't go off him for one second while Buster was squeezing into it. That was the idea, though, he thought to himself as he braided up his ears. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Yakko trying to squeeze his wide feet into a pair of narrow white heels. "Actually," thought Buster, "Yakko didn't look too bad, either, in his flowing green dress, with a string of narrow, white pearls around his neck...no, wait. What am I talking about?" Dot, who had already done a stellar job with Buster's and Yakko's makeup, was busy applying her own. She had been the one to pick out the dresses, and would often remark how "pretty" Buster looked. And he caught her looking at him a couple of times, too. "You know, she looks as good as I do," thought Buster, before shaking his head hard, trying again to come back to his senses. "Are you ready?" Yakko whispered. Buster and Dot nodded. Yakko pursed his lips to straighten out his lipstick and motioned for them to follow him. "I sure hope this works," Yakko said under his breath, but just loud enough for Buster to hear. Buster cringed. His confidence in this plan and its mastermind started to dwindle. The "girls" stepped out from the bushes they'd been hiding out in all day, in plain view of the thousand Heebee Geebee soldiers surrounding the castle. In the twilight, the trio looked simply ravishing. All three put their hands on their hips, and stood right in front of the failing sunlight. They had little smug smiles on, as if they all knew they were the hottest numbers in the kingdom. "Howdy, boys," shouted Dot. "How are you all doing tonight?" Almost instantaneously, the catcalls began. Dot leaned over and whispered into Buster's ear. "We've got them eating right out of our hands." "We're looking for a swingin' disco party," Yakko shouted in as feminine a voice as he could muster. "Do you boys know where we can find one?" One of the soldiers, completely taken in with the sight of the women, as evidenced by the stupid look on his face, shouted back at them "give us a few minutes and we'll get one started right here!" "You boys had better hurry," Buster answered in a quietly seductive voice. "We're not patient girls." Instantly, the entire brigade started scrambling around, collecting wood, tile, light bulbs and any other handy building materials. "While you boys are doing that, we're going to the powder room in the castle," Dot told them. "Would one of you be so kind as to escort us?" No sooner had Dot asked than about 50 volunteers jumped up. Dot arbitrarily grabbed one by the wrist and told them "this one will do." Buster couldn't believe this cockamaymie scheme was working, let alone working to perfection. The soldiers were busy building what appeared to be some kind of dance floor, and they were getting an escorted trip through the castle. Once they got in, they were going to split up, search for and find, hopefully, Dr. Starkey, or more hopefully, Babs and Wakko. Buster almost dropped out of character when he realized that soon he might discover what happened to Babs. His heart immediately started pounding inside his chest. "Oh, Babs, I miss you so much," he thought to himself. "I'll never forgive myself if something's happened to you." The soldier, after getting by the sentries posted at the castle's entrance (who were as transfixed by the sight of the three women as the others, and thus, made virtually no attempt to impede them), led them straight down a hall and to the powder room. Dot brushed her index finger near his chin and said "now why don't you go back and help the others finish the dance floor? We can find our own way out. And, save a dance for me later, would you?" The soldier couldn't leave to join the others fast enough. As soon as he was out of earshot, Yakko whispered to the others, "okay, let's split up. I'll take this floor, Dot, you look upstairs, and Buster, you look downstairs." Buster leaped down the flight of stairs, and found himself in a large, empty dining hall. Several wooden tables and benches were set up, enough to accommodate a large, hungry crowd. There was a hallway leading into what appeared to be a courtyard. The only other exit was a large door with a big heavy handle on it. The door had grime from several decades caked onto the wood. Inside the doorframe, moss was growing. If one of the people they were looking for were here, it would be most likely against their will, Buster thought. There was a good chance that if they were in this part of the castle, they'd be behind the grimy door as opposed to the relatively pleasant courtyard. Buster grabbed hold of the door's handle and began to tug. Slowly, and with much effort on Buster's part, the door swung open. The door led to a set of stairs which were dark. The smell coming from inside was like a dank rainforest. As he started down the stairs, he noticed a small stool beside the door. Sitting on the stool was a half-eaten hoagie and an open can of Fresca. Buster deduced that a guard was stationed down here, but was elsewhere at the moment. He would have to search inside the room quickly. With as much speed as he dared, Buster descended the staircase. It was too dark to see the stairs clearly, but he might not have much time. When he reached the bottom of the staircase, Buster saw a crack of light, the last light of the day remaining. It was coming through a barred window, and shining right in the face of two men sitting on the floor. They were in shackles. Buster looked closer, and recognized one of them as Dr. Starkey. He didn't know the other man. "Psst. Doc!" Buster whispered. The doctor, who appeared quite groggy (from what Buster could tell, considering he was still wearing his sunglasses), turned his head slowly toward him. "Lad, what are you doing here?" he whispered. "I told you not to follow me." "Aren't you glad we didn't listen?" Buster asked back. "You bet your knickers I am," Dr. Starkey admitted. "And speaking of knickers, lad, what's with the girly-girl get-up?" "It's a long story," Buster answered sourly. "Well, we don't have time for that," said Dr. Starkey. "We need to get out of here quickly." The doctor motioned with his head as best he could the man sitting next to him. "Buster Bunny, let me introduce you to King Woodstock." It never occurred to Buster the man next to the doctor might have been the king. After a quick, startled jump, Buster flourished to the king as best he could in his tight dress. "Your highness." "I appreciate the protocol, son, but we need to get moving," Woodstock said matter-of-factly. "Oh, right," answered Buster. "How do we get these chains unlocked?" "There's a spare key hidden behind a loose stone just underneath the window," the king answered. "I put it there in case of emergencies, such as this one." Buster turned toward the window and noticed something he hadn't when he'd come in. A large brass mirror stood just underneath the window. It puzzled him why anyone would put a mirror inside of a basement, but all he cared to know about it right now was that it was in the way of the loose stone. He extended his arms to shove the mirror aside, but the king yelled at him to stop. "Be careful with that mirror," the king said. "With all due respect, your highness, you really don't want to see what you look like right now." The king shook his head. "No, you don't understand. That mirror is a portal. If you walk through the glass you will be transported to another place. Dr. Starkey built that mirror, and it's accompanying mirror which you pass through on the other side. "Really?" said Buster, in awe. "Where does it lead to?" "Right now, it's inside my daughter's safe house," he said. As gingerly as he could, Buster lifted the mirror and set it aside. Quickly, he found the loose stone and the key behind it. Buster snapped the shackles open, and the doctor and the king were freed. "Now what do we do?" Buster asked. "First things first," said the doctor. "We've got to get the king out of here. I think the best place for you to be right now is at the safe house with your daughter." The king protested momentarily that he might be needed to assemble his men together and launch a counterattack against the Heebee Geebees. "That won't be necessary," said Dr. Starkey. "I can take care of that. We'll strike at midnight tonight. But you need to get out of here. The further away from Maurice you are, the better off Woodstockland will be." The king nodded his head. "Good luck, both of you," he said as he stepped straight into the mirror. A bright, almost laser-like shot of purple light burst out of the glass, followed soon by every color in the spectrum. After a few moments, the colors and the king were nowhere to be seen. Dr. Starkey motioned for Buster to follow him up the stairs. "Wait," Buster said. "Have you seen Babs or Wakko?" "No, lad, I'm afraid I haven't. I couldn't even guess where they are right now." Buster's heart sunk. ***** Wakko sat down, trying to make some sense of the events of the last few hours. Soon, Babs joined him, wiping her forehead and letting out an exhausted sigh as she sat. "What a day," Babs said. Wakko barely heard her and made no move to acknowledge her. He was deep in thought. One picture would be forever etched in his mind. As he sneaked up to the front window of the cabin and looked inside, he found himself face to face with her. She had been looking out the window, a worried expression on her face. As soon as she saw him, she jumped back and ran out of the room as fast as she could. Of course, Wakko was just as frightened as she was, if not more so. He leaped over the log pile he and Babs had been hiding behind, his heart slamming into his chest so hard, Babs could see and hear it. "What happened?" she asked him. "Was there someone in there?" Wakko didn't answer her, but he was sure he didn't need to. Wakko caught his breath, just in time to answer Babs' next question: "what should we do now?" "I (pant, pant) think we ought to leave as fast as we (pant, pant) can," he told Babs. "Was it one of the bug guys?" Babs asked. Wakko shook his head. "Was it some big ugly creature with tentacles and dripping blood from its fangs?" Wakko shook his head again. "Well, then what was it?" Wakko looked around to make sure no one was watching, then leaned toward Babs and whispered into her ear: "it was a woman." "What?" Babs asked, incredulous. "What do you mean?" "It was a woman," Wakko repeated. "She saw me looking in the window and ran away inside the house." "Did you see anything else?" "Nuh-uh." "Did she seem dangerous?" Now that Babs mentioned it, no. In fact, she was rather pretty, he thought. Just the kind of woman he and his brother would harass no end had they been back in Burbank. "Maybe we should try talking to her," Babs said. "Maybe she can help us." Wakko's heart jumped into his throat. "W-what?" he stammered. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Before even giving him an answer, Babs was leaping over the wood pile. Wakko ran after her. He caught up with her just as she reached the doorknob, and grabbed her by the sweater. "Babs," he said in a weak, jittery voice, "I don't think this is such a good idea. We should just leave." "Don't be such a worry wart," Babs told him. Odd, Wakko thought, she hasn't been this brave about anything since we got here. Babs gently tapped on the door while simultaneously pushing it open. She cleared her voice. "Um, excuse me," she called out as she stuck her head inside. "Hello? Are you still in here?" Nobody answered. Babs pushed the door open a little further and stepped in. She called out again, and again no one answered. Babs was completely inside, but Wakko remained firmly planted on the porch. He had no intention of going into the house. His first instinct was to run, but he had no intention of leaving Babs alone, either. Suddenly, Babs reached outside, grabbed Wakko by the wrist, and yanked him in with her. With all his might, Wakko tried to break Babs' hold, but her grip was like a bear trap. He tugged. He planted both feet on the small of Babs' back and jerked as hard as he could. He whipped out a crowbar from inside his shirt and tried to pry his way loose. No dice. "Please come out," Babs said in her most sympathetic voice. "We're not going to harm you. We're lost and we're looking for some friends of ours." Wakko's ears perked as he heard a small noise coming from a nearby room. He looked over and saw on the wall the shadow of someone creeping toward the door. His body went numb. Who was this, some sort of maniac out to do in the both of them? A gourmet chef who wrote the book "101 Ways to Skin a Rabbit and Other Nondescript Animals"? Just then, the woman leaped out of the room, holding a large broom, and lunged at Babs and Wakko like she was wielding a knife. Had Wakko been able to extricate his wrist, he would've run into the forest screaming, but he still couldn't free himself. As cool as a mountain stream, Babs snatched the broom from the woman's hands and tossed it aside harmlessly. "Oh, please," she said, sounding annoyed. "What do you want?" the woman shrieked. Wakko ducked behind Babs for cover, and peeked over her shoulder. "We just want some help," Babs said calmly. "We're lost. Our rocket, I guess you'd call it, was attacked and we fell out." "Rocket?" the woman asked rhetorically. "What kind of rocket?" "Well," answered Babs, fishing for words to describe it. "It's big, yellow, and looks just like a big corporate water tank." The woman listened intently. "Um, we were coming here with a guy named Dr. Starkey, because..." "You're friends of Dr. Starkey?" the woman interrupted. Babs glanced at her with an odd expression. "Well, ‘friends' is a little too strong a word, but we came here to help him. He said this place called Woodstockland was being attacked, and he needed someone to go with him on his journey." "You're the ones!" Kathy screamed happily. "You're the ones my father was sending for!" "Your father?" asked Babs quizzically. "Yes, I'm Kathy, King Woodstock's only daughter," she said. "I was sent here to this safe house after Woodstockland was attacked by the Heebee Geebees. They're after me. They want to force me to marry their leader and my father to give up his kingdom." "Whoa," said Babs and Wakko simultaneously. Babs observed that "that stinks." Kathy sized up the two, and raised a skeptical eyebrow. "What were your names, again?" Babs smiled sheepishly at her. "Excuse me for not introducing myself sooner," she said. "I'm Babs Bunny." She stepped aside to reveal Wakko, who was still in the same crouched position as before, still too frightened to get any closer. "And this is Wakko Warner, also known as Wakko the Fearless," Babs added sarcastically. Wakko, without moving a muscle to straighten himself from his crouch, raised one of his hands and gave Kathy a weak twiddling of his fingers in her general direction as a way of greeting. Babs rolled her eyes, mumbled something to herself, then grabbed Wakko by the shoulders and yanked upward, straightening his spine and his legs enough to give the appearance he was standing upright. Kathy reached over and offered him a sovereignly limp-wristed handshake. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Wakko Warner." Again, Wakko made no perceptible movements, and Babs had to extend his arm for him. "Well, you're certainly the little chatterbox," Kathy observed with a wink. She waited for an acknowledgement, or some kind of movement from Wakko, and neither was forthcoming. "Yes, well, he's usually not quite this...unbendable," Babs said after several awkward seconds had elapsed. "He's probably just not used to meeting royalty," Babs explained, knowing full well Wakko had close, personal friendships with at least two country's kings. After a small chuckle, Kathy excused herself to check on the fire she had going in her kitchen stove. Wakko felt something hard nudge him in the ribs. "Nice going, Mr. Smooth," said Babs, more than a little irked. "What's wrong with you?" "I, uh, that is to say, I was, um, waiting for the right moment to say something," "Like when she asked if you were going to say something?" Wakko took his hat off and wrung it in his hands. He'd choked, and he knew it. From the kitchen, Wakko heard Kathy mumble something to herself. "Do you need something, Princess Kathy?" Babs called out toward the kitchen. "I'm out of firewood," she said. "I need to go outside and get some more." Babs nudged Wakko in the ribs again. "There's your cue," she whispered. "Volunteer to get her some firewood." Wakko cleared his throat in none-too-flattering fashion. "Um," he started, "I'll be happy to grab your...um, I mean, I'd be happy to get my hands on your...um, I mean..." "He means he'll get the firewood for you," Babs called out. She made a face at Wakko as if she'd just been sucking on a lemon. "Get out there and get her some firewood," she ordered him in hushed tone as she started shoving him toward the door. As Wakko gathered several split logs in his arms from the nearby wood pile, he saw out of the corner of his eye that Babs had gone into the kitchen, and was now saying something to Kathy. He couldn't make out what Babs had said, but saw that both she and Kathy giggled at whatever it was. Kathy looked out the window right at him, and he quickly made himself look busy gathering much more firewood than he could safely carry. Soon, Wakko walked into the kitchen with a stack of wood easily three times his own height, precariously balanced in his arms. "Just put that over by the stove, and be..." Wakko's stack just then decided to collapse, most of the split timber falling corner first directly on top of his head. The last split wood knocked him to the floor. "...Careful," he heard Kathy say, just before he lost consciousness. When he awoke, he was lying on the hide-away bed with an ice pack on his head. He had an awful headache. He let out a groggy noise as he got up on his elbows and looked around. Kathy walked in from the kitchen, startling him. "All you alright, Wakko?" she asked. "Oh," he said, "I'm OK." Kathy continued toward him, and to Wakko's horror, sat beside him on the edge of the bed. She adjusted his ice pack. "Now just lie down and relax." Wakko sprang up from the bed and landed feet-first on the floor. "No need," he shouted to her just a little too loud and a little too fast. "I'm up and at ‘em, heh heh! Is Babs in the kitchen?" Kathy nodded at him with a puzzled look on his face, and Wakko sprinted in there. "Well, hey there, Paul Bunyan," said Babs sarcastically. "What did you tell her?" Wakko demanded, speaking as loud as he could without his voice carrying into the other room. "What did I tell her when?" "When I was out getting the firewood!" "Oh, that," Babs said. "I told her that you were nervous meeting her because you think she's attractive." Wakko shrieked loud enough for anyone within 20 miles of the house to hear. "What did you tell her THAT for?! I never said that!" "You didn't HAVE to say it!" she snapped back. "It's obvious!" "Obvious to you?" Babs grinned almost evilly at him. "Obvious to her, too. She said so." Wakko cringed. "Why don't you go in there and talk to her?" she asked. "I'm sure she'd like you to." Wakko wasn't sure if someone in the vicinity was playing "Taps" on a bugle, or if the song was just in his own mind, but he left the kitchen and trudged slowly, almost mechanically, into the living room. Kathy had already put the hide-away back inside the couch, and was straightening out the couch cushions. He stopped when he she stood up and turned to face him. Nervously, he started playing with his ear. "Um, Kathy?" "Yes, Wakko?" "Um, I was wondering...um, where's your restroom?" Kathy pointed toward the only other door in the room besides the front door, and Wakko, with a sheepish grin, walked as quickly as he could toward it. He slammed the door shut on the way in. Immediately, he started banging his head repeated against the white porcelain sink in utter disgust with himself. The *doink* noises echoed inside the tiny bathroom. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. "Wakko?" It was Kathy, with more than a hint of concern in her voice. "Are you alright in there?" He let out a nervous chuckle. "Just peachy," he called out in as contented a voice as he could muster. He turned on the faucet and threw some icy cold water on his face. "Pull yourself together, Wakko," he said before looking at himself in a mounted mirror. He dried his face off and stepped back out into the living room. "Hi, Kathy," he said nervously. Kathy was now seated on the couch. She turned and grinned at him. He gulped hard, yanked at his collar and went to have a seat next to her. "So," he said, pretending to be scanning the floor planks for some unknown object. "How long have you been here at the safe house? "Four days now," she answered sadly. "And the worst part is, I don't know what's happening back home." "That's terrible, what they've done to you and your father," he said sympathetically. "You haven't been able to communicate with him at all?" "Not exactly," she said, reaching into her hip pocket. "But this was — sent — to me yesterday." She produced a large, sparkling ring. The glare off the ring, even in the weak light, made Wakko squint a little. "This is our family's ring. My father would only part with it to let me know something awful was happening." She sniffed, and Wakko could tell she was almost on the verge of tears. Not knowing what else to do, Wakko gingerly put his hand on her shoulder and gently rubbed it. She sniffed again, and wiped the corner of her eyes. She turned to look at him. Wakko felt as if her glare was boring straight through him. "Gosh," he said quietly. "That's awful." He nodded slightly. "I know what you're going through," he told her, then hung his head. "I've been separated from my family, too, for three days now. I miss them so much." Kathy put her hand over her mouth. "Oh, I'm so sorry," she said. A thought was burrowing into Wakko's mind. A feeling was doing likewise in his gut. Suddenly, he jumped out of his seat. "But I'm going to get them back," he said in the most powerful voice he'd spoken with since this whole ordeal began. "And I'm going to help Babs get Buster back, and I'm going to help you get your home back. You know why?" Kathy looked stunned. She shook her head. "Because," he started, just as he jumped up in the air and pulled down a new backdrop, that of a large American flag. He quickly whirled around and came out wearing a Brigadeer General's uniform and helmet. He had a horsewhip under his arm. "Because I'm mad as heck and I'm not going to take it anymore!" Kathy's expression was now one of excitement. She clapped as hard as she could for him, then ran over to him and gave him a bear hug. "You mean it? You'd really do that for me?" "Absolutely," he managed to hiss out, despite feeling crushed inside of Kathy's arms. He would've been thrilled about being there had he not been in such agony. "My hero!" she shouted. She loosened her grip on him just enough to turn him a little and peck him on the cheek. Immediately, a stupid grin formed on Wakko's face. He let out a doltish chuckle. Now, as he sat there with Babs, waiting for Kathy to get out of the shower, he mentally reviewed their plan. Maybe an hour or so after the sun had completely set, the three would step into the mirror, and would come out on the other side in the castle somewhere. Wakko would find this Maurice guy and learn him a lesson, he thought. Make him give up control of the castle and find out if he knew where his family was, and Buster, and the king. The water turned off in the bathroom. Kathy was out of the shower now, Wakko thought. Out of the shower. With no clothes on. Her skin still glistening from the warm water. Wakko's tongue slid out of his mouth unconsciously. Suddenly, something hit him in the back of the head. "Knock it off," Babs said, only half serious. He smiled at her sheepishly and shrugged his shoulders. She shook her head at him and groaned. Just a few minutes later, Kathy emerged from the bathroom with her clothes on, putting her hair back up with her bandana. Wakko stood up as she entered the room, and grinned stupidly at her. She grinned back. "It's almost sundown," Babs observed, hardly expecting any acknowledgement. After a moment, Kathy nodded her head. She was still grinning at Wakko. "But you know," she continued, "it almost seems like it's been getting brighter in here for the past couple of minutes." This finally knocked Wakko's and Kathy's attention away from each other. Kathy looked at Babs quizzically. "Are you sure?" "Yeah," she answered, then gestured with her thumb toward something behind her. "Or it might just be the glare off that mirror." Kathy turned toward the mirror, then gave it an odd, sideways glance. Her mouth opened slightly. "What's wrong?" asked Wakko. Kathy didn't answer, but instead rushed over to the mirror and looked deeply into the glass. The glass was emitting a thin stream of purple light. Wakko didn't know what to make of it. Suddenly, the light got brighter, and brighter, then an entire spectrum of light burst from the glass. There was now a figure in the glass. It wasn't Kathy's, but rather an aging man in a purple cape. Kathy's eyes were as big Christmas wreathes as the man emerged from the glass. "Daddy!" Kathy shrieked as she grabbed the man and put her arms tightly around him. He did likewise. "My precious daughter," he said softly as they embraced. The king was obviously weary. He turned his head so his tired eyes could see the others in the room. "Who are you?" he asked about as politely as he could under the circumstances. Babs motioned for Wakko to move next to her. "Um, I'm Babs Bunny," she said quietly. "This is Wakko Warner." After a moment, she added "no relation." The king looked at her quizzically. "Sorry," she said. "Reflex." "What happened?" Kathy asked her father. "How did you get here?" "I was rescued by a young blue rabbit in drag." Babs' ears shot up. "A blue rabbit?" she asked with baited breath. The king nodded. "Yes. Buster, I believe his name was. Do you know him?" Babs fell to her knees and burst into tears of joy. "Oh, Buster! You're OK! Oh, thank heaven!" Wakko looked toward the king hopefully. "Did Buster mention anything about my family?" The king thought for a second. "I don't believe he did," he said. Wakko didn't move. But he had a pain in his gut. Kathy released the king from her grasp, and knelt down in front of Wakko, putting her arm around his shoulders. "Don't worry, Wakko. We'll find them." Wakko put his head on her shoulder, then felt another arm around his waist. It was Babs'. "They're with him, Wakko," Babs told him softly, "I just know it." Wakko was numb all over. "Wakko?" Kathy asked. "Are you going to be OK?" He didn't respond. "Wakko, I've got my father here now. That's all I wanted. Why don't we wait until tomorrow to return to the castle, when you're feeling better?" "Because," he said weakly, "I promised you your home back, and I promised myself I would find my brother and sister, and I promised Babs I'd find Buster. I'm going tonight." "And I'm going with you," Babs and Kathy said in unison. "We need a plan," said Wakko stolidly. He turned to the king. "Do you know what's going on over there tonight?" The king rubbed his chin. "It's Saturday night, right? Well, unless I miss my guess, there's going to be a party there tonight." "Perfect," said Wakko. ***** "What KIND of party?" Plucky shouted. "I'm sure they'll have a HUGE welcoming party for us! Well, me, anyway." "And how do you know they're going to be happy to see us on the moon?" Shirley asked, her arms folded at her chest. "Are you kidding? The people on the moon will be so overjoyed at the thought of getting rid of those rabbits, I'd be surprised if they don't give us a bag full of money for taking those rabbits home!" Shirley wasn't so sure that Buster and Babs were safe, no matter what Plucky thought. Shirley had carefully been monitoring the rocket's progress to the moon. She rarely took her eye off the giant viewscreen, and guessed by the moon's dimensions compared to when they left, they were less than 20 minutes from landing. Now would have been the perfect time for some yoga, she thought. She was all tensed up, and the source of her tension was sitting at the control panel. "Ugh," she groaned to herself. "Why does he have to be such an egotistical jerk all the time?! Why can't he not be so self-centered? Oh, brother, and why did I end up falling for him?" Next to her, Fifi and Hamton were sitting on the edge of their seats, their eyes so big the moon could've fit into them. "Mah goodness," said Fifi. "Have vous ever zeen anything zo beautiful in your life?" "Just one thing," Hamton said. His head turned toward Fifi. She looked back at him and giggled. She put her tail around his shoulders, and the two again fixated on the viewscreen. "Quelle romantique, no?" she asked Hamton with a dreamy voice. Shirley sat back heavily in her chair. "Like, I wouldn't know," she grumbled to herself, hoping this whole journey would soon be over. ***** CHAPTER NINE Let's all get up and dance to a song That was a hit before your mother was born Though she was born a long, long time ago Your mother should know, your mother should know --The Beatles "Your Mother Should Know" Buster, still decked out in drag, and Dr. Starkey, with all necessary care, slunk through the dark castle, jumping into adjacent hallways or behind doors to hide anytime they even thought someone might be coming. Their first goal was to find Yakko and Dot. Hopefully, they had discovered something about Babs' and Wakko's whereabouts. Dr. Starkey volunteered to look for Yakko on the ground floor, and Buster sneaked upstairs to find Dot. As he ascended the stairs, he wondered what the odds truly were that neither Warner had been discovered and taken prisoner. If there was one thing the Warners weren't good at, it was keeping a low profile. As Buster scanned the corridor of top floor, he heard several loud voices coming from one of the rooms, none of which were Dot's. He approached the door silently, hoping to make out what the voices were saying. When he was but a few feet away, he heard a someone's gritty voice hiss out "are you sure?" "I'm positive, Maurice," another voice said. "We caught it on our scanners about half an hour ago." Slowly, Buster peered into the open room. Standing there were three of the bug- like creatures he'd seen earlier. They were identically dressed. One was standing up behind a large desk, with the other two standing on either side of it. The voice identified as Maurice continued. "How can this be, Robin? Who else could possibly be flying the rocket?" "Perhaps one of them went back to find reinforcements," the bug on Maurice's left offered. "We never found the other three of the group Dr. Starkey brought with him, and we never located the rocket after it left the wheat farm." Maurice slammed his fists on the desk. "Incompetence!" he shouted loud enough to make ever Buster flinch. "For all we now, there could be a thousand reinforcements on that rocket!" He turned toward the bug on his right. "Is the tractor beam operational, Barry?" Barry nodded. "Then activate the beam and bring them straight here. I'll have my elite force meet them as soon as they land." The other two bugs saluted, and started for the door. Buster quickly pulled his head out of the door and started to run back toward the stairwell. His stilettos wouldn't let him run particularly fast, but he got to the stairs just as Barry and Robin (he thought) burst out of the room. "You! Halt!" one of them — Buster thought it was Barry — shouted. Buster perched himself on top of the banister and was about to slide down when he heard "now, now, what's the problem?" Buster looked up to see Dot standing just a few feet behind him in the middle of the corridor. She had a devilish smirk on her face. "Now, now, Bufina," Dot said, shaking a finger at Buster, "don't make these two cuties chase you." Buster offered a weak little giggle. "Sorry," he said in feminine tone, "the chase is just so much fun." Dot sauntered up to the two bugs, still smirking. "I sure hope you boys can come to the party later tonight," she teased. "We wouldn't miss it for anything, sweet thing," Robin said. With nothing further, both bugs headed down the stairs. Barry winked at Buster as he passed. As soon as they were out of earshot, Dot scurried over to Buster, who jumped off the railing, nearly twisting his ankle as he hit the floor thanks to his heel. "Did you find anything?" Dot whispered. "I found King Woodstock and Dr. Starkey," he said. "But I didn't find anything out about Babs or Wakko. Nobody seems to know where they are." Dot reached into her dress and removed the Polaroid of the Wakko wearing no shoes as he walked through the parking lot, and pored over it longingly. Buster shook his head. "Dot, that picture doesn't mean anything. What difference does it make that Wakko isn't wearing any shoes?" After a few more seconds, Dot put the picture back in her dress. She sighed heavily. "I guess you're right, Buster," she said. "This one thing doesn't mean anything." Just then, Buster and Dot heard some more footsteps coming into the corridor. They ran partway down the staircase, just enough so they wouldn't be spotted. Into the hall came another Geebee soldier, holding a small piece of torn cloth in his hand. "General Maurice," he called out boisterously, and Maurice stuck his head out of his office. "What is it?" he hissed. "Did you discover something?" "Sir, after a complete search of the landing area, this is all we discovered." He held up the torn piece of cloth. An instant look of realization formed on Dot's face. Buster watched as Maurice eyed the scrap. "And look at the patch, sir," said the subordinate. "What is that?" Buster whispered to Dot, who looked like she was in a state of shock. "What's so important about some torn fabric?" Dot made no move to acknowledge him, instead keeping her eyes fixed on the cloth. Buster squinted and could make out the match Maurice was now inspecting. The patch read "D.O.A." Buster cringed. Dot, as quickly and quietly as she could, ran down stairs. The waterworks would be coming soon, and in abundance, Buster thought to himself. No sooner had he finished his thought, he heard a melodramatic bawling noise coming from somewhere below him. As soon as the coast was clear, Buster hustled down the stairs, scooped up Dot, who was on all fours with her face buried on the cobblestone floor, without breaking stride, and headed straight for the women's restroom, where he and Dr. Starkey agreed to meet. Dr. Starkey and Yakko, still decked out in his finest feminine attire, were waiting for them just outside the restroom. Both were taken aback when they saw Dot, tears streaming from her eyes. "What happened?" Yakko whispered. "He's DEAD!" Dot shrieked. "Our poor brother is dead! They, they, they..." Dot was putting so much energy into her melodramatic outburst that she could barely talk. "...they found his sleeve! It had a patch on it that said ‘D.O.A.'!" Dr. Starkey's forehead wrinkled. "Is that it?" "What more evidence do you wa-a-ant?" moaned Dot. "He's gone forever." "Alright, lass," interjected the doctor. "We don't need any of that carrying on right now. It doesn't mean anything. I swear. Anyway, we need your help if we want to get through this mess. Things are worse than I thought." Buster and Yakko gave each other sideways glances, then did likewise to the doctor. "What do you mean, doc?" asked Yakko. "I'm afraid the Heebee Geebees have constructed a doomsday weapon," he said solemnly. "I don't know that they've finished it, but if they have, they could destroy this entire planet and everything on it. And I know their general, Maurice. If he can't rule the planet, he wouldn't hesitate to use it." The toons looked amongst each other. Buster saw both the expressions on Yakko's and Dot's face. He knew what they were thinking, and it was what he was thinking, too. "Doc, we've come this far, and we're not leaving until we see this thing through," Buster told him sternly. "We're not leaving without our loved ones, and we're willing to do anything if it means there's even a chance we can get them back." "I appreciate it, lad, I really do. But unless we can retrieve the rocket ship somehow, it doesn't look like you're going to be going anywhere anyway." "We don't have to," Buster said. "It's flying back here." Everyone looked at Buster as if he had broccoli growing out of his ears. "What do you mean, lad?" "I overheard Barry, Robin and Maurice. They said they spotted the rocket heading toward the planet on their scanners. I don't know what it means, but it'll be here, and soon if I'm not mistaken." "That's a whole new kettle of fish," Dr. Starkey said. "Let's talk over some strategy for a bit, then you need to get out to your party." ***** Just when everything seemed to be going swimmingly, the controls froze. It was a bit of an inopportune time, since Plucky was making landing preparations. The moon was no more than a few miles away. It completely filled the viewscreen. As patiently as he could, Plucky tapped repeatedly on the button he was sure would fire the retro boosters to slow the ship down. They weren't firing. In fact, nothing on the ship was doing much of anything at this point. It wouldn't have been a big deal, Plucky thought, if he was the only one who thought something was wrong. But the viewscreen told all. "What iz going on?" Fifi asked him. "Is zere a, how vous say, misfunction?" "Malfunction," Hamton corrected her. The only thing that bothered Plucky more than apparently losing control of the ship was being called for it. "Oh, no, Feef," Plucky shouted back just a little too loudly. "Ehhhhvrything's just fine!" "Then why are we drifting away from the moon, Sinbad?" asked Shirley in a decidedly unconvinced tone. Plucky shifted his attention to the viewscreen. Shirley was right. The ship WAS veering off to the right, way off course. "Oh, lovely," muttered Plucky under his breath, "why do these things always happen to ME?" He sat back heavily in his chair, no longer willing to pretend he was in control of where they were going. He frowned as he watched the viewscreen, trying to figure out why the heck they were getting so off-course. It didn't make any sense. "It's like something is pulling us away from the moon," he thought to himself. Suddenly, realization hit him. "Wait a minute. Something IS pulling us away from the moon!" he shouted. "We're caught in a tractor beam!" "Uh, a tractor beam?" asked Hamton. "How did that happen?" "It's obvious!" Plucky retorted. "This place were going to is on the other side of the moon, and the natives probably don't want to wait for us to find them, so they're bringing us in! That must be it!" "Like, are you sure?" asked Shirley. "What if these aren't friendly people trying to pull us in? What if we're totally in danger?" Plucky waved his hand at her, dismissing her comments as so much folderol, adding a raspberry as he did so. "You should know by now, Shirl, I would NEVER get us into any danger!" Forgetting Shirley's utterly contemptible questions, Plucky propped his feet up on the control board and sat back to watch the viewscreen and enjoy the ride. From beyond the shadows of the far side of the moon emerged what Plucky thought was a small meteor. The ship veered again, and was now headed straight toward it. After just a couple of minutes, Plucky could make out an atmosphere. "Hey, that must be the place we're getting hauled into," he said. He thought hard for a moment. "Say, what planet is that, anyway?" Somewhere behind him, someone smacked their palm to their forehead. ***** "You ready?" "Ready as I'll ever be." "I'll go first." Both Babs and Wakko watched as Kathy stuck her foot right into the center of the glass. As she did, purple light pierced the room, seemingly going straight through any object it met, including Babs and Wakko. The more of Kathy's body that passed through the glass, the more intense the light got. As she pulled her other leg in, the rest of the colors in the spectrum shot out of the glass like they were fired from a 12-gauge. Kathy was now just a fraction of an inch away from where she'd started, but it was like she was in a whole other universe. King Woodstock stood nearby the mirror, carefully observing everyone's entrance. There was no need for him to go, and Dr. Starkey had assured him everything would be under control. Plus, neither Dr. Starkey nor Kathy wanted to risk him being captured again, so he was to stay behind. Kathy motioned for Wakko and Babs to follow. Wakko unconsciously tugged at his collar, then slowly raised his foot off the floor. He touched his big toe to the glass. It was almost like trying to push a finger through a cube of gelatin. The glass was almost cold to the touch, and seemed to push back, as if it was unwilling to be penetrated. Wakko strained to get his foot through the glass, and the color bursts blasting through the mirror weren't doing much to help him concentrate, but once it was through, the rest seemed easier. His leg seemed to fall right in behind his foot, and the rest of his body followed with little effort. It was bright inside the glass. Behind him was a seemingly endless tunnel composed entirely of colored concentric circles, each of which seemed to rotate in the opposite direction of the one in front of it. The sight was enough to make those with weak constitutions lose their previous meal. There was also a noticeable chill in the tunnel. Wakko would've been hard pressed to call it cold inside the tunnel, but it wasn't a comfortable temperature, either. Babs' foot penetrated the glass, followed soon by her leg and her head and arms. Wakko grabbed a hold of her hands and helped her step inside. "Whoa," she remarked when she entered and looked around the tunnel for the first time. "This place is totally weird. How do you even build something like this?" "It's probably better not to know," Kathy said. "Okay, like I said, you just keep walking straight. There's probably a hundred other tunnels that branch off this main one, and nobody really knows where they lead, so everyone stay together." As they walked, Wakko noticed the circles, when stepped on, felt bouncy and gummy, like he was stepping on a flat Super Hi-Bounce ball. It also felt like, no matter how far they walked, they really weren't getting anywhere. Wakko had to constantly look back over his shoulder to ensure himself that they were in fact moving away from the mirror, which was getting smaller and smaller as they went on. The circles were just barely taller than Kathy, who was leading the way, and seemed to grow shorter the farther they walked, though Kathy appeared to be walking perfectly upright. After what Wakko estimated as 20 minutes of walking, they reached the first offshoot from the main tunnel. It, too was lined with hundreds upon hundreds of concentric circles of varying colors. In fact, it wouldn't have been that hard to step into the tunnel by accident if he wasn't paying close enough attention to where he was going. Suddnely, Wakko started to feel just a teensy bit dizzy. He wasn't sure why, other than the fact it had been nearly a day and a half since he'd eaten. That, and maybe the lazily spinning circles were starting to get to him. He shook his head, trying to get his bearings, and heard his pupils making clicking noises, not unlike marbles being struck by other marbles. Funny, he thought as he watched Kathy in front of him, she didn't seem to be so far ahead the last time he'd noticed. It might have been his imagination. Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain on his heel. "Oh, sorry," Babs said. "I didn't mean to step on you like that. I didn't notice how close I was getting." "No problem," Wakko said, just a little more slowly than he meant to. "Are you OK? You look kind of tired." "Aw, don't worry about me, I'm fine. Would you like to go ahead of me?" Babs shrugged her shoulders, and Wakko leaned against the wall and let her by. "You know," she said, "if you need to slow down a little, you can just tell Kathy." "I told you, I'm fine," he said. Babs nodded, then motioned to him to follow her. Wakko tried to push himself up from the wall, but he was having a little difficulty doing so. Babs had to lend him a hand just so he could right himself. "C'mon, let's go," she said. "We're going to lose Kathy if we're not careful." Babs started back down the tunnel, walking a little more quickly than she had been, probably to get caught back up with Kathy, but it took Wakko just a moment longer to get going. Wakko took just a few more steps, then realized he was having a hard time judging where one circle started and the other one stopped, particularly when two adjoined circles were both either brightly or darkly colored. He stepped gingerly from a red circle to a yellow circle. Then he did likewise from a green circle to a blue circle. He looked up. Babs was pretty far ahead of him now. He wasn't even sure he could see Kathy. He tried to pick up his own pace, but he couldn't seem to get his bearings exactly right. He kept worrying he might trip at any moment and start bouncing around the tunnel wildly. Another small step. And then another. He realized he was getting nowhere fast, but didn't dare take pick up his pace or take his eyes off where he was going. It was getting harder and harder for him to focus. He was certain the circles were spinning faster. And faster. And faster. At any moment he'd trip and be spun around inside one like he was stuck inside an old tire. He looked up again, Babs and Kathy were nowhere to be seen. In fact, he wasn't even sure he was still headed in the right direction anymore. He was sure the tunnel was more or less straight, but now it seemed like it was veering off to the left. His head was swimming. He couldn't think straight. He couldn't see straight. He called out, but somehow his voice had disappeared. He couldn't even hear himself yelling. It seemed everything in this tunnel was pliable, including the function of speech. Just then, an overwhelming sense of drowsiness hit him. He wanted to sleep. But how could he sleep in the middle of this strange dimension? Who knows what happened here when you fell asleep? Wakko forced himself to keep his eyes open. He decided that now it was likely he'd taken a wrong turn and go back the way he came. The worst thing that could happen was that he'd end up back at the mirror, right? He could always start again. He took several baby steps back, still worried something bad would happen to him if he tripped. He reconnected with the tunnel he started in. At least, he thought he had. All the tunnels looked alike. Actually, maybe this wasn't the same one at all, he thought to himself. Maybe he'd been in the correct one the whole time! Now he wasn't even sure where he'd just been. He was lost. Probably hopelessly lost. He called out again. In vain. His voice still wasn't functioning. Even worse, his throat felt like it was clogged. It was dry and itchy. Suddenly he had the urge to cough. He coughed, and something floated out of his mouth as he did so. It was the word "cough," in white block letters, drifting away from him. It was the most bizarre thing he'd ever seen in his life. Now curious about this new-found phenomenon, he tried to shout out the word "hello." The word didn't come out, but a bubbly H, E, L, L and O did, and drifted off in another direction. This gave Wakko an idea. He tried to shout the words "I'm lost!", and again, only the concrete form of the word escaped his mouth. The word floated off down a third tunnel nearby. He tried shouting "I need help!" and the block letters drifted from his mouth in the same direction as "I'm lost!" "I'm looking for Babs!" he shouted silently, and those words departed his mouth and went off in the same direction. Following his hunch, Wakko followed the words down the tunnel. He watched the words make a sharp right turn down another tunnel, and then go straight. Wakko, now more afraid of getting lost in this crazy world then falling down, had to jog quickly to keep up with his words. After a couple of minutes of chasing them, the words started to dissipate...right behind Babs and Kathy, who didn't even seem to realize he had ever left them. Not five minutes after rejoining his group, Wakko could see another large flat glass mirror in the distance. ***** It was the gaudiest thing Dot had ever seen. It was about fifty feet square. The individual squares inside it were about two foot square each, all randomly colored. At random intervals a light bulb built underneath each and every square would light up. The whole effect was annoying, yet tasteless. But, then again, what did she expect when the Heebee Geebees were building a dance floor? The only touch that would've made this better was one of those glittery disco balls hanging from a tree limb over the floor. It was now quite dark outside. Some fires had been lit around the camp, but the primary source of light was the ones in the floor. The Geebee troops were gathered together around the floor. Some soft 1970s- esque ballad was playing in the background, which Yakko evidently knew the words to because he was mouthing them the whole time and swaying his head and his hips from side-to-side. Still, nobody was dancing. Even more curious was that none of these eligible, dateless bachelors had asked her, or the two drag queens she was hanging out with, to dance. She looked at Buster. He was getting quite a few leers from the soldiers around him, but none were making their move. Enough was enough, she thought, and was about to step onto the dance floor herself, but a nearby solider grabbed her by the arm. "I know your anxious to get out there and shake it, baby," he said, "but General Maurice likes to start off our Saturday Night Fever party with a little speech. No one dances until he does." "Oh, sorry," she said. Now it made sense. Sort of. Just then, several troopers on the opposite end of the floor parted like the Red Sea as a dark blue AMC Gremlin slowly rolled toward the dance floor. In the Gremlin were the two Heebee Geebees she saw earlier giving chase to Buster, and a third she didn't recognize sitting between them. The car rolled to a stop, its engine jackhammering as if it was going 100 miles an hour. The three bugs got out of the car, and the middle one stepped onto the dance floor. "Good evening, men!" he shouted. The troops applauded boisterously. This was evidently their general, Dot thought. "This is a very special edition of Saturday Night Fever, for this is our first celebration since taking over the castle of King Woodstock! Gentlemen, our efforts are paying off, and soon, we'll be the most powerful people on the planet!" A huge wave of applause, cheering and shouting crashed out, echoing off the nearby hills and through the castle itself. "As we always do, we will start off tonight's festivities with the Heebee Geebeenian National Anthem!" All as one, the soldiers carefully removed their gold medallions from around their necks, held them up with both hands over their heads for several seconds, until the Disc Jockey cued up the National Anthem. A harsh, thundering beat boomed from the gigantic stereo system set up on the north end of the dance floor. It was so loud Dot had to plug her ears. But she still felt the bass rumble through the pit of her stomach. WELL YOU CAN TELL BY LOOKIN' AT OUR CLOTHES THAT WE SURE GOT STYLE, EVERYBODY KNOWS POLYESTER IS OUR THING WE'RE HEEBEE GEEBEES AND WE GOTTA SING NOW DON'T YOU CHUCKLE, DON'T YOU LAUGH YOU USED TO WANT OUR AUTOGRAPH DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY OR DO ‘CAUSE PRETTY SOON WE'LL CONQUER YOU Just as the second verse finished, several of the Geebees, overcome by the music, started to hustle their way to the dance floor. Dot watched out of the corner of her eye as soldiers grabbed Yakko and Buster by the arm and whisked them to the floor, quickly followed by herself. She found herself quite offended by the fact she was the last one of the three that was picked. GONNA CAUSE YOU TROUBLE, TURN BUILDINGS INTO RUBBLE ‘CAUSE WE'RE CONQUERING YOU, CONQUERING YOU FEAR WILL HAVE YOU QUAKING, AND YOUR KNEES WILL BE SHAKING YOU WON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, KNOW WHAT TO DO AH AH AH AH, CONQUERING YOU, CONQUERING YOU AH AH AH AH, CONQUERING YOU-OO-OOOO-OOOOOOO! As Dot was dancing with her beau (who, she was ashamed to admit, was a better dancer than herself), she was keeping one eye on Maurice, who stood near the dance floor, arms folded, watching the proceedings with a satisfied smirk on his face. Then, one soldier ran over to him and whispered something into his ear. Maurice flinched, whispered something back, and the soldier nodded his head. Apparently out of frustration, Maurice threw his hands up in the air and quickly stomped off toward the castle. Dot didn't really have much of an idea what had transpired, but she guessed that he must have just heard the news the king and Dr. Starkey had escaped. In the back of her mind, she wondered what Maurice's next move would be. WE'RE BIG, WE'RE MEAN, AND WE GET DOWN START PACKIN', WE'RE COMING TO YOUR TOWN WE'LL MARCH RIGHT THROUGH IN PLATFORM SHOES YOU BEST GET OUT, NO TIME TO LOSE WE'LL GRAB YOUR SHORTS, GIVE WEDGIES TURN YOU UPSIDE DOWN FOR A SWIRLEE THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ‘CAUSE VERY SOON WE'LL CONQUER YOU WHETHER YOU'RE A PEASANT OR WHETHER YOU'RE A PHEASANT WE'RE CONQUERING YOU, CONQUERING YOU DON'T GET IN OUR WAY NOW, ‘CAUSE WE WILL MAKE YOU PAY NOW WE'RE CONQUERING YOU, CONQUERING YOU... YOU CAN'T HIDE NOWHERE WE'RE GONNA FIND YA' WE'RE GONNA FIND YA', YEAH YOU CAN'T HIDE NOWHERE WE'RE GONNA FIND YA', YEAH WE'RE CONQUERING YOU-OO-OOO-OO-OOOH! Dot wondered if something was up. Maybe her dance partner would tell her. "What say we blow this popsicle stand, Big Boy?" she told him with a wink. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Buster flinching at something. As the music continued for several minutes, Dot noticed Maurice stomp his way back to the party, this time with Barry and Robin flanked by his sides. He made a slashing motion across his throat, and the music came to an abrupt, scratchy end. "Let me have your attention!" Maurice shouted as he fished for something inside his breast pocket. "I have just been informed King Woodstock and Dr. Starkey have escaped!" All as one, the throng gasped. Dot looked behind her shoulder and saw Buster and Yakko, each with their dancing partner, give each other a awkward glance. Yakko looked at her and shrugged his shoulders. "Men," continued Maurice. "The time has come for us to show our true might to this kingdom and this planet!" Suddenly, the men all began cheering and whooping as loud as they could, some of them removing their jackets and throwing them up into the air as high as they could, many of them landing in scattered places around the camp. "This can't be a good sign," Dot thought to herself. Just then, Maurice extracted something from his jacket. It was a small box with a big red button on it and a small antenna sticking out of the top, some kind of remote control, she guessed. "Men, behold our awesome military might!" Maurice slowly lifted the remote control over his head, pointed it toward the moon, and pushed the red button. Everyone turned around toward the moon to see what was happening. For several moments, it seemed like nothing was happening. But as she watched, Dot noticed something. The moon was slowly being overtaken by a large circular shadow. The shadow was as black as night, and was slowly coming over the horizon. Soon, the moon had disappeared. In its place was the black shadow. Even worse, Dot thought, was that the shadow seemed to be getting darker by the minute. Then she saw it, the most terrifying sight she'd ever seen. A gigantic disco ball. There it was, hovering in the sky in front of the moon. Dot couldn't even have guessed how big it was, but it must have been at least a quarter of the size of the planet itself. It glittered in the stray planetary light. Dot tore her eyes away from the ball to see what Buster's and Yakko's reactions were. Yakko was giving the ball an odd, sideways glance, seemingly unsure what to make of it all. Buster's look was one of awe. Yakko, still unsure about the disco ball, and apparently growing more skeptical, shouted out toward Maurice. "Hey, what does this eyesore do, anyway?" Maurice gave Yakko a dirty look, then smiled knowingly at Barry and Robin. "Don't worry, baby," he called back. "You're going to find out reaaaal soon." ***** It was dark in the control room. That's the way the commander liked it. He eyeballed his troops at their monitoring stations. The government had spent millions on those stations, and on this project. A shrill alarm sounded. A large red light flickered overhead. The commander whisked the leaves in front of his eyes away, and bolted to the main control panel. "What's all this?" he shouted to the soldier in charge. "Sir, something has been launched. It's hovering in space above Woostockland, and it appears to be a potential threat." This was it. The moment they'd trained for. The moment his government, led by fearless and paranoid President Ronnie, had always feared would come. Being one of the most technically-advanced people on the planet, the Cabbage Patch People felt it was only prudent to design a strategic space-based defense system to protect their interests. Not that there had ever been any real threat, and not even a particularly scary imagined threat, but nevertheless, they had to be prepared. "We're locked in, sir," the solider told him. "Very well," said the Cabbage Patch commander. "All-out strike, on my signal." Suddenly, his throat was dry. He reached into the nearby mini-refrigerator and grabbed a can of New Coke. Even though he wasn't particularly fond of the flavor (and couldn't even imagine why the Coke-A-Cola company had changed their beloved old formula to begin with), he took a large gulp. "Fire," he ordered. Obediently, the soldier punched in the code. ***** Just as Maurice had expected, 20 guided missiles shot out from their housing satellites. "Perfect," he yelled. "Right on time." The missiles streaked across the night sky, all headed straight toward the disco ball. Suddenly, blaring out of the Gremlin's CB radio was: "Sir, we are locked and loaded." Without taking his eyes off the sky, Maurice grabbed the CB's speaker. "Excellent," he said. "Fire on my mark." The missiles zoomed closer. And closer. And closer. Maurice felt a drop of sweat run down his forehead. His eye twitched. He wanted to do this at just the right moment. "Fire," he said nonchalantly into the speaker. In the sky, a gigantic burst of pink laser pulsed from every shard of glass, instantly vaporizing all 20 missiles simultaneously. No one around him made a sound. All around him, his men had stupid grins on their faces. The three women, on the other side of the dance floor, just looked up at the sky in awe, maybe even fear. "That, my men, is the power we possess!" he shouted. He was answered by another round of joyous cheers. As the cheering continued, another soldier ran up to Maurice and whispered into his ear: "sir, the ship's about to land." He smiled. This was quickly turning into the greatest night of Maurice's life. ***** This was going to be the greatest night of his life. Plucky could hardly wait to land on this mysterious planet. He could see it all now. He would be applauded, be invited to a space ball where he would meet some fine- looking female aliens who were only too happy to indulge a hero of his caliber with anything he wished. Heck, if he liked it on the planet enough, he might not even leave! He'd live out the rest of his days on the planet, in a mansion being waited on hand and foot. Yeah, he could live with that. It was apparently nighttime here, however, because Plucky couldn't see where the tractor beam was pulling them down to land. He'd just seen a burst of pink light coming from the sky, and now he was seeing some odd flashing lights on what he figured must have been the ground. Suddenly, the ship was jarred. Plucky was tossed in his seat momentarily, before the sudden jolt ceased. They were on the ground, he thought. He quickly cut the engines and unfastened his seat belt. "We're here!" he shouted happily as he ran to the door. "Yeah, we felt it," Shirley said, rubbing her head and sounding rather sour considering how much fun they were all about to have. Plucky couldn't get the door open fast enough. He yanked the locking wheel, and the door opened with a PSSSHT sound. Plucky stuck his head out. Standing in front of the door was two big, bug-like figures, each with big black eyes and wearing clothes straight out of one of his favorite TV shows. "Ew," Plucky said. "Hey guys, Vinnie Barbarino called, he wants his wardrobe back." The two bugs shot strange looks to one another, but neither said or did anything. Plucky suddenly realized that maybe these two aliens didn't speak English. But, then again, ALL the aliens he'd ever seen on TV and in the movies spoke English. Shouldn't it stand to reason that THESE aliens did too? He motioned for the others to follow him outside. "C'mon," he shouted. "The welcoming committee is here!" Plucky leapt out of the door, not even waiting for the others to follow. Quickly, he joined the two "welcoming" bugs, jumping into the arms of one of them. "So tell me, where are all the happenin' chicks, huh?" The bug dropped him to the ground, and the duck landed right on his keester. Plucky got up and indignantly brushed himself off. "Ohhhhh, I get it," he said to the guards. "You two are the jealous type, aren't you? You're mad because you don't get to be the big heroes! Well, deal with it, pal." He motioned to himself with his thumb. "There's only ONE hero on this planet, and that's me!" "Like, give it up, duck," whined Shirley, who had just stepped out of the tower, followed by Fifi and a cowering Hamton. "Boy, everyone's green with envy because of the little green duck," Plucky grumbled. When the other members of his entourage joined him, Plucky motioned for the bugs to lead on to wherever they were supposed to take him. A few minutes later, Plucky and the gang were standing inside what appeared to be some sort of office inside a large castle. Right in front of them was a huge desk and a big window behind it overlooking some sort of party, complete with dance floor. Their two escorts were flanked on either side of them at attention. "Wow," said Plucky, motioning toward the window. "That must be some party you guys have got going out there!" The escorts didn't flinch. "Hm, the strong, silent types, eh?" "Plucky, are you sure this is a good idea?" asked Hamton with trepidation. "Of course it is! Why wouldn't it be? We're probably waiting for their leader or something, and he's going to invite us to his party, and maybe even give us a little cash for our trouble." Plucky rubbed his hands together greedily. Soon, three other bugs made their way into the room. They all eyed the toons suspiciously. One of them sat behind the desk. "Well, well, well," he said. "What have we here?" Plucky jumped onto the desktop and offered the bug a handshake. "Plucky Duck's the name, but most of my friends call me Plucky the Invincible." The bug looked Plucky up and down, probably impressed with his physique, Plucky thought. "I am Maurice," he said after a moment. "I'm the leader of the Heebee Geebee nation. Now, tell me, why have you come here?" Plucky sat down on the desk with his legs crossed in a casual fashion. "Well, boss," he started, "I'm here to pick up my friends and take them back to where they belong. You know, get them out of your hair, well, if you had any hair, that is. I'm sure they've caused you enough trouble already." "Indeed," said Maurice with a tiny smirk on his face. "Of course, it was QUITE an ordeal to come all the way here," Plucky offered. "I certainly hope there's some sort of REWARD for picking them up and taking them back where they belong." Plucky turned his head away and stuck out his palm, hoping Maurice would understand his subtle hint. Several seconds passed, and Plucky still felt no wad of cash in his hand. Maybe this Maurice guy wasn't as quick as he thought. "So let me get this straight," Maurice said. "You want me to PAY you for flying here in the water tank to take your friends back to where they came from?" Plucky suddenly felt like he was being menaced. He turned back toward Maurice and swallowed hard. Suddenly, Maurice reached over and grabbed Plucky's wrist. "I have a better idea," he hissed. "Why don't I throw all of you into the dungeon to rot for the rest of your lives?" Plucky smiled sheepishly. "But then how will we get home?" Behind him, the two escorts and the two other guys that walked in with Maurice pulled out shiny laser guns and pointed them at him and his friends. "Heh, heh," Plucky chuckled nervously, "I guess we could just call a taxi, then." "Take them away," Maurice ordered, waving his hand nonchalantly at them. The guards moved toward the group, but were stopped cold in their tracks. "Non!" shouted Fifi. "Everyone, duck and covair!" Immediately, the toons hit the deck, plugged their noses and shut their eyes tightly. Plucky could hear Fifi groaning, apparently letting a big stink bomb fly, and heard several bodies fall limply to the ground almost immediately after. Plucky squinted just enough to see where he was going, and crawled quickly out of the room with Shirley and Hamton following. Fifi was already outside. "Yeah, great party, Pluck-face," Shirley told him in sarcastic tone. "Now what do we do, ‘Plucky the Invincible'?" "Hey!" yelled Plucky defensively. "How was I supposed to know they were so interested in that stupid water tower?" Plucky turned toward a nearby stairwell. "Well, I say we get back in that ship and high-tail it out of here! When those guys come-to, they'll be looking for us!" "We're not leaving without Buster and Babs and the Warners!" yelled Shirley. "THAT'S why we came here in the first place!" "WE?" Plucky asked. "That's why WE came? I came for a party! YOU came to track down those two stupid rabbits!" Immediately, Shirley's face began to turn a bright crimson. Steam spouted from her ears like a train whistle. Her fists were balled up. Her eye twitched. Plucky was certain he'd never seen Shirley this mad before. Shirley took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. "Come on," she said to Hamton and Fifi. "Let's get out of here before I say something I'm going to totally regret." "But guys," said Hamton, "even if we do find Buster and Babs, how are we going to escape? The Heebee Geebees still have that tractor beam." "Let me worry about the tractor beam," said Plucky. "You guys go look for the rabbits. Besides, I don't think I want to be anywhere around HER for awhile." He was looking right at Shirley. They went off in their separate ways, Hamton, Fifi and Shirley toward the party, and Plucky deeper into the castle. ***** They were at the other mirror. It had taken them awhile to travel through the tunnels, but they had finally made it. Babs was feeling rather dizzy, probably from the incessant spinning of the multi- colored loops, but she managed through it, mainly by keeping focused on her primary goal: finding Buster. There was nothing going on through the other side of the glass, it looked like. There was only darkness. Kathy apparently didn't see anything as she peered through the glass, and motioned for Babs to follow her through. After a moment of pushing, Kathy pushed her way through the glass. Babs turned back toward Wakko, who was still lagging behind them slightly. She motioned him to follow them through, and then pushed on the glass herself. The glass felt springy, but it let her through without excessive effort. Babs stepped through the other side into a dark room. The walls and the floor were made entirely of cold stone. Against the opposite wall appeared to be some rusted shackles. This room was obviously a dungeon. Babs felt something brush behind her, which made her heart jump. She whirled around, and saw it was only Wakko coming through the mirror. "Okay, we're here, what do we do now?" Babs asked anyone who would answer. "Like I said," answered Kathy, "the Heebee Geebees always throw big parties on Saturday nights. My guess is either your friends are somewhere in the castle or at the party." "Oh, gosh, a party!" said Babs in southern belle inflection. "And me with nothing to wear!" Getting serious again, Babs told Kathy "we're probably going to have to split up. You and Wakko should search the castle, since you're familiar with the castle's layout, and you need someone to protect you, and I'll check out the party. What kind of party is it, anyway?" Kathy gave her a sheepish grin. "It's a disco party." "EWWWW!" shrieked Babs. She grimaced, then realized she had to do what she had to do. With a quick spin-change, Babs emerged in a perfectly pressed leisure suit. "I never thought I'd have to wear THIS again," she said as she stuck out her tongue. After Kathy pointed the way toward the front gate, she and Wakko went to do some snooping. Babs moved hurriedly toward the party, from which she could hear pounding rhythms. When she passed through the main entrance, she saw the bright lights of the dance floor pulsating, and what seemed like a million Heebee Geebees on the floor. Oddly enough, most of them were collected around three areas. Babs brushed her ears back, trying to fit it as much as possible with the crowd. She moved onto the floor largely unnoticed by anyone, hoping to find any sign of someone she knew. She pushed and shoved her way through one of the large crowds to find out what was going on. In the middle she saw what appeared to be a lone girl dancing with a Geebee. Another Geebee quickly pushed him out of the way to take his turn. She stared hard as the girl turned around. Her jaw popped open when she saw who it was. Buster. She bit her lip hard to keep from squealing with excitement and giving herself away as a spy. Instead, she snarled at several nearby Geebees and elbowed her way to the front. Quickly, she shoved Buster's partner out of the way and grabbed him by the hand. Buster's eyes became as big as dinner plates when he saw her. "Can I have this dance, baby?" she said as she put her arm around his waist. "Babs!" he whispered. Babs twirled him, then brought him back in. "I'm so happy to see you. I was worried you were gone." "We'll greet each other later," she whispered. "Meet me over by the front entrance of the castle as soon as you can!" Just then, she was shoved out of the way to make room for another dancer. She pushed her way back out of the crowd and made a beeline for the castle's front gate. She waited there for several minutes, then saw Buster push his way out from the dance floor. "I just need a quick break, boys, I'll be right back," he called back toward the party. Buster pulled Babs behind a nearby bush, and grabbed her as tightly as he ever had before. "Babs! Babs, Babs, Babs!" he yelled. "You're okay! I was so worried about you!" "Oh, Buster, I've missed you so much," she said. She was on the verge of tears, and Buster didn't sound like he was too far off, either. Buster kissed her deeply, and continued kissing her all around her face. "How did you get here?" he asked. "Um, it's kind of hard to explain," she said. "But we'll have time to catch up later. I have to tell you what's going on. And, by the way, you look really good in that dress." Buster frowned at her. "Anyway, King Woodstock's daughter and Kathy are inside the castle trying to track down Yakko and Dot." "They're out here," Buster told her. "They're on the dance floor, too." "Okay, that's good. I'll find Wakko and tell him. Once we get them out of here, we all can go to a safe house and figure out what to do next." "No dice," Buster told her. "We've got to stop these Heebee Geebee guys, and we've got to do it tonight. They've got a powerful doomsday weapon that they say can destroy this planet, and I have a bad feeling their leader is ready to use it at the drop of a hat." "What kind of doomsday weapon?" Buster pointed toward the sky toward a gigantic flying disco ball. While it was big and menacing, Babs wasn't sure exactly what to make of it. "What? What are they going to do? Manufacture big, tacky objects until everyone on the planet dies?" "No, Babs, that thing can blow stuff up! We saw it in action a little while ago!" Babs raised her eyebrows. "Really? That's not good." "Nope," answered Buster flatly. "We've got to find a way to destroy it. But I don't know how." "That's a problem," Babs added. "We might have another problem," Buster told her. "I overheard the Heebee Geebees saying someone else was headed toward this planet. I don't know who it might be, but we'd better be careful until we find out who they are." This was going to be a lot tougher than she'd expected, she thought. The first thing she'd better go do is find Kathy and Wakko and tell them what was going on. Buster said he was going back to the party before anyone started to wonder where he was, but he would meet her again in this same spot at exactly two in the morning. Babs looked at her watch. It was about 12:30 a.m. "Okay, I'll see you here then," she said. Buster gave her a long kiss, and then departed. Babs was about to sneak out of the bush, until she heard a nearby bush rustling. She jumped. The other bush rattled again, and out of it stepped three shadowy figures. She tensed up, fully expecting the worst. Then light shined onto the figures' faces. "Babs?" asked Shirley. "Shirley? Hamton? Fifi? What...how...where did you guys come from?" "We came to, like, rescue you guys, or some junk." "B-but how did you get here?" "We found out that the water tank was a rocket ship, and we flew here," Shirley whispered, then frowned. "Oh, yeah, Plucky's here to." "Plucky?" Babs asked. "Why would he come here and do such a...oh, wait, Buster borrowed one of his CDs, right?" Shirley nodded her head, seemingly disgusted. "Where's the rocket right now?" Babs asked. "Those Heebee Geebee guys have it," Hamton told her. "They have some sort of tractor beam, and pulled us here. It's around on the other side of the castle right now. Plucky's in the castle trying to disable the tractor beam so we can escape." Babs scratched her head. "Okay, I'm going back inside the castle to try and find everyone. The best thing for you guys to do is stay here so I know where you are if I need you." Everyone nodded. With that settled, Babs sneaked her way back into the castle. ***** Together, they had checked the entire bottom two floors of the castle, and had found little of consequence. Several times they had to duck behind pillars or into dark rooms to avoid Heebee Geebee guards roaming the halls. Wakko could hear his heart thumping in his chest. His palms and forehead were drenched with perspiration. He still felt a bit dizzy. And, to make matters worse, he wasn't sure if it was sneaking around the castle making him feel like this, or if it was just the fact he was alone with Kathy. Several times while they were snooping, Kathy had grabbed his hand instead of whispering or pointing where they were to go. While he thoroughly enjoyed it, it was also making him a tad uncomfortable. Now, they were in the stairwell heading up to the third floor. They ascended the stairs slowly, trying to make sure no one was around. Wakko heard voices coming from down the corridor, and they sounded like they were angry ones. Kathy grabbed his hand again, then pressed a finger of her other hand to his lips, obviously telling him to keep quiet. They tiptoed to a room next to the ones the voices were coming from. Kathy closed the door behind them. In this room Wakko could hear everything being said next door. "I think we have to destroy it now," one voice said. "Yes, definitely. We have to keep them from escaping," said another. "They're not going anywhere," a third voice said. "The tractor beam will keep them from leaving the planet, and so will the Death Futra Ball. They wouldn't dare." "That's an unnecessary risk. Destroy it now!" "SHUT UP! I'M in charge here! I'm not destroying what might turn out to be a very valuable asset because you two are paranoid idiots! My defenses are impenetrable! Now get out of my sight!" Wakko heard footsteps go past the door and down the corridor. "What was that all about?" he whispered to Kathy, who shrugged her shoulders in response. They both leaned up against the wall and slumped to the floor. Kathy pulled her knees up to her chest, and began to shiver a little bit, even though it didn't seem to Wakko to be particularly cold in the room. Wakko removed his jacket and placed it gingerly on top of Kathy's shoulders, and grinned meekly at her. She smiled at him in return. They sat there in silence for a bit, not really having anywhere else to go for the time being. Wakko really wanted to say something to her, anything, but he wasn't even sure what. In his mind, he was still licking his wounds a little bit because of Babs, plus he didn't want anyone to hear them. At least, those were the reasons he gave himself. Mentally, he scolded himself for being too chicken to talk to her. "If you're going to do it, you better do it now," a voice inside his head told him. "You might not get another chance." He twiddled his fingers for a moment, unconsciously trying to think of another excuse not to say anything. It wasn't working. Finally, after what seemed like several long minutes of silence, Wakko chomped down on his own lip and tapped her lightly on the shoulder. She looked over at him. "Kathy?" he whispered. "Yes, Wakko" He shyly cast his eyes in another direction. "Um, I was wondering, do you, I mean, are you, um, seeing anyone right now?" She gave him an awkward glance. "Well," she started, then paused. "Not really. Why do you ask?" Wakko gave her a fake little laugh and tugged at his collar. If anything, it was starting to get warm in the room. "Um, I was wondering, you know, when this whole thing gets over with, if you'd like to, um, I dunno, maybe, get together sometime and, uh, do something?" Wakko wiped his forehead, and hoped she understood something of what he'd just asked her. He wasn't sure he understood it himself. Again, he looked quickly at something else, wondering what she was thinking. He dared not look at her until she said something. There was several moments of uncomfortable silence. In the meantime, he was holding his breath. He could swear his knees were sweating. "Um," she started. Wakko turned around slowly. Her lips were pursed. She appeared to at least be thinking about it. That was something, he thought. "Well," she continued, then paused again. "Maybe we can talk about this later. I'm not sure this is really the best time." Wakko threw his head up into the air in disgust. "I KNEW I shouldn't have said anything! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" he groaned, before grabbing his head with both his hands. He leaned against the wall and started bonking his head right onto the hard stone. A pair of hands grabbed him by the shoulders. "Wakko," Kathy whispered as she tried to get him away from the wall, but Wakko held his ground and continued beating his head. "I, uh, I didn't say no." Wakko stopped his head short on another trip to the wall. Well, that WAS true, she didn't say no. He looked at her sheepishly, with his eyes slowly rolling around in his head. She put her hand on his shoulder gently. "Why don't we talk about this later, okay?" He nodded. Alright, the hardest part was over, he thought. He got the asking out of the way. Now to just play it cool for awhile, hope everything comes out okay, and take it from there. "We should probably get moving," she whispered. "We need to find Babs and see if she's found anything out." Wakko's mind was racing. Should he try to do something to impress her? Pretend he wasn't worried about what she was going to say? Should he get her some flowers and candy? All these thoughts were swirling around in his head as he walked head-first into a large suit of armor standing against the wall. The suit fell to the floor with a loud CRASH, burying Wakko underneath the iron parts. As he struggled to get out, Wakko got stuck inside the large torso piece, and couldn't seem to free himself, no matter how he tried. Suddenly, Wakko heard the door swing open. "What's going on in here?!" demanded the same voice whom Wakko heard in the other room. He froze. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. What should he do? "You?" the voice yelled. "What are you doing here?" Wakko gulped, and was about to say something, when Kathy spoke up. "This is MY FAMILY'S home!" she yelled at the voice. "I'm not going to give it up without a fight!" "That's the kind of spirit I expected from you," said the voice. "The kind I can't stand!" Wakko still had no idea what was going on, but suddenly heard Kathy shriek "let GO of me, jerk!" Quickly, the door slammed, and Wakko could hear Kathy yelling as she was being dragged down the hall. Wakko did everything he could to pry himself out of his predicament, but only succeeded in getting his head and arms out of the torso piece, making himself look like a big, silver turtle. Finally, after much maneuvering, Wakko got himself loose. He stood up, and, after tripping over the helmet, stumbled out the door. The hallway was empty of people, and empty of sound. ***** CHAPTER TEN You say you want a revolution Well, you know We all want to change the world --The Beatles "Revolution" It was so obvious, he didn't know why he hadn't thought of it before. After scouring the entire castle, looking for some sort of war room from where everything was being controlled, he didn't think until now that the office of that Heebee Geebee guy was probably where everything was. Plucky sneaked up to the top floor and looked around. The entire hallway was empty. Not a person in sight, and not a noise to be heard. He spotted the door he thought was the office he was in earlier. This was about the last place of significance he hadn't looked. He spent lots of time in the kitchen, a good portion of it cleaning out the fridge, and he looked in the rooms in the courtyard, at least as much as he dared after realizing most of the rooms were sleeping quarters. Slowly, he tiptoed to the office. The door was open. He spied in, and saw no one there. As he crept inside, he saw a big, silver colored machine on it with numerous lit buttons. At the front of the control board was a brightly colored indicator, marked "Tractor Beam". It was lit up to its fullest extent. If he could just figure out what button to push to turn it off, he'd be set Plucky rubbed his chin as he examined the buttons. As usual, none of the buttons were marked. No, that would've been far too easy, he thought. "There's got to be a way to do it," he grumbled to himself as he again went to his Star Trek blueprints. None of the control panels resembled this particular one, which Plucky thought odd because most of these unmarked control panels were exactly alike. He continued scanning his blueprints for what seemed like several minutes. When he realized he was getting nowhere, he gritted his teeth in frustration. "Forget this!" he yelled, wadding his schematic up into a ball. "I'm just going to unplug it!" He yanked at the surprisingly thin cord, and it popped right out of the wall socket. "There! Mission accomplished!" Plucky dusted his hands and strode triumphantly toward the door, but heard footsteps coming from somewhere down the hall echoing into the room. His first thought was maybe that Maurice guy was coming back. As the footsteps approached, Plucky dove behind a large beanbag in the middle of the room. He watched as someone entered. It wasn't Maurice. It was a tall guy with a crazy beard and several gaudy rings on his left hand. The guy quickly scanned the room, then headed straight for the desk. He opened one of the drawers and started shuffling through several papers. It looked as if the guy was distracted. It was Plucky's best chance to sneak out of the room. He crawled on his belly toward the door, keeping one eye on the guy at all times. Things were going swimmingly for Plucky to make his escape from the room, until his shirt got caught on a loose nail in the door. Plucky tried to gently yank his shirt free, but to no avail. He tried again. Still his shirt would not come loose. Then he thought if he just kept on crawling, maybe his shirt would rip free. He continued crawling, but the shirt would simply not rip itself away from the nail. Worse, his shirt was stretching out to ridiculous length. Now, as he turned right and headed back for the stairs, his shirt looked very much like the train of a wedding gown. Struggle as he did, the shirt would not rip free. He tried to crawl some more, but the shirt was stretched taut. Suddenly, the shirt snapped back, sending Plucky flying back into the room. "Yeowwwww!" Plucky screamed as he hurtled straight toward the guy with the beard, who now appeared to be busy reading a piece of paper. The beard guy looked up just in time to see Plucky's torso plow right into his visage. The two fell onto the floor with a loud CRASH! Plucky peeled himself away from the beard guy's head and jumped into a martial arts-like position. The beard guy shook his head and turned his head toward Plucky. "Watch out!" Plucky warned him. "I know Kung-Jitsu, Tae Kwon Karate, and Judas!" The beard guy didn't look to Plucky to be particularly threatened. "What's all this about?" he asked, rubbing his temple. "Just stay where you are! I know you're working for those Heebee Geebee guys!" "No I'm not," the guy said. "I'm trying to stop them." Plucky dropped his hands and had a puzzled look on his face. "You're not one of them?" he asked. "Then who are you?" "My name is Dr. Starkey. I'm an associate of King Woodstock, the rightful ruler of this kingdom and rightful owner of this castle. Who are you?" Plucky could hardly believe there was someone in the universe who didn't know him. "Why, I'm Plucky Duck," he said. "I'm here to try and find my friends, Buster and Babs Bunny." The doctor looked dumbfounded. "You are from Earth?" Plucky nodded. "How did you get to this planet, lad? Plucky waved his hand at the doctor nonchalantly. "I flew here in the Warner Brothers water tower. It was pretty easy, actually. What are you doing here in this office? Aren't you worried someone other than me is going to discover you?" "It was a necessary risk," Dr. Starkey told him. "I was trying to locate the schematic of the Death Futra Ball." "The who?" asked Plucky, still having no idea what was going on. "The Death Futra Ball," the doctor repeated. "It's a terrible doomsday weapon the Heebee Geebees have launched. If we don't find some way to destroy it, the Heebee Geebees may just decide to use it!" "Those guys are creeps!" Plucky told him. "I hope you find something there that will help you!" "Well, the Death Futra Ball has one weakness," the doctor said. Plucky listened intently as the doctor added: "it's made entirely of glass." Plucky scratched his head and gave a bewildered glance at the doctor. "It's made of GLASS? That sounds like it would be pretty easy to take care of." "It's not quite that simple," the doctor told him. "It can shoot down anything that comes within its range with seemingly little effort." The doctor rubbed his beard and looked Plucky up and down. "But you know, lad," started the doctor, "you must have some skill as a pilot, otherwise you could never have gotten here..." Plucky didn't like what he thought the doctor was suggesting. He stretched his arms out and started backing his way toward the door. "Ohhhh, no, I don't want noooo part of this," he said. "But you don't want something bad to happen to this world, do you, mate?" "Better this world than me, doc," Plucky told him, then ran as fast as he could out the door and toward the front entrance before the doctor could get another word in. ***** It was getting close to two a.m., and the party still raged on. With the few seconds of free time they'd all had, being the most popular guests at the party and all, Buster informed Yakko and Dot he had found Babs, and that she and Wakko were both okay (despite Dot's adamant insistence that Wakko was dead and Babs was probably hanging out with his ghost), and they were all going to try to gather together behind the bushes. Buster was dancing with what he figured was probably the last Heebee Geebee soldier he hadn't danced with yet. His feet were killing him. "When is this going to END?" he thought to himself. Suddenly, the music came to another abrupt halt. At the sound system, the DJ turned the microphone over to Maurice. Next to him were several soldiers and some woman with her hands being forcibly held behind her back. She was obviously in trouble. Buster looked around the crowd to see if anyone might know what was going on, but the only ones who gave him any attention were Yakko and Dot. They shrugged their shoulders at him. "Men," announced Maurice, "I have some happy news to tell you. We have captured Kathy, the princess of Woostockland." The soldiers responded with a loud cheer so loud Buster had to reach into his wig to plug his ears. "And tonight, my friends, we shall wed!" That brought even louder cheering noises from the throng. Kathy thrashed and kicked at the guards at the announcement. Obviously she wasn't a willing member of this ceremony. Buster looked at his watch. It was two a.m. "We'll get started in just a few minutes, folks," Maurice announced. "We just need some help setting things up." Immediately, the Heebee Geebee soldiers took off like a shot and started grabbing chairs and setting up tables. One of them was wheeling in a giant wedding cake. Now that everyone was busy, Buster, Yakko and Dot sneaked toward the bush virtually unnoticed. The three dove into the bushes, and landed right on top of Shirley, Fifi and Hamton. All six of them screamed. "How did you guys get here?" Buster asked, hoping no one heard them in the bushes, although with all the hustle and bustle going on around them, he was fairly certain no one had. Hamton told Buster what had happened to them on their adventure, and that Babs had gone into the castle to find Wakko, and no one had seen her since. "What do you think we should do?" Hamton asked. "We can't stay in this bush forever, and I'm getting hungry. That wedding cake looks miiiiighty good." "I think we're going to have to try rescuing the princess," Buster told him. "She looks like she's really in trouble. Then, we're going to have to find a way to stop that doomsday weapon." "Rescuing ze princess will be a piece of cake compaihred to deztroying zat weapon," Fifi said. "Ooh, don't mention cake!" Everyone huddled together. "Okay, here's what we're going to do..." Buster started. ***** "What are we going to do?" Wakko was visibly shaken. He was trembling, his eyes were bloodshot, and his teeth were chattering harder and faster than Buster's favorite novelty toy. "Is there anywhere in the castle you haven't checked yet?" Wakko shook his head. The two of them were hiding in the courtyard where Babs had found him. He had been frantically searching up and down the castle for Kathy when she finally ran into him. He told her she'd been captured by Maurice and he'd been searching everywhere for a clue as to their whereabouts. "Well, if they're still here," Babs told him, "they're probably at the party. We should go check it out." They walked quietly through the empty hallway to the main gate. Instead of seeing a party in progress, however, they saw several Heebee Geebees hustling and bustling around, setting up tables and chairs. Babs led Wakko into the bushes. "We're here," Babs whispered into the bush, but got no response. She looked at her watch. It was already 2:15 in the morning. She hoped the others hadn't gone into the castle looking for her because she was late, or worse, they'd been spotted by the Heebee Geebees, and had either been captured or had to run. "I don't like this," she told Wakko. "They should be here." "Maybe we should check out what's going on over there," said Wakko, pointing toward what appeared to be the center of the commotion. Babs nodded, and the two slowly crept toward the chaos, ducking behind each and every tree or rock along the way to stay out of sight as much as possible. Babs looked around a large tree. She squinted. "Say," she whispered to Wakko, "isn't that..." "Kathy!" Wakko blurted out, loud enough for anyone around to hear him. Babs saw several Heebee Geebees look over toward the tree, but apparently none of them thought the noise was of any particular concern because none came over to investigate. Babs pulled Wakko back behind the tree and slapped her hand over his mouth. "Shhh!" she admonished him. "Don't panic. It's not going to do her any good if you and I get caught." Wakko just stared at her wide-eyed and helpless, and weakly nodded his head. Cautiously, Babs peered around the tree again. Kathy was definitely being held against her will by a pair of Geebee guards. Near her, some sort of white arch was being erected. Near the arch was a seven-layer cake with white frosting and pink trim. Another solider was setting up what appeared to be some sort of primitive video camera, apparently to videotape something. "Kathy's being forced to marry someone," she whispered to Wakko. Just then, Wakko jumped up, and in rather military like fashion started to march around the tree before Babs caught him by the tail and dragged him back. "What did I just tell you?" "Oh, right," he said, and smiled sheepishly at her. Ugh, thought Babs. This wasn't going to work if she had to try to figure out a way to rescue the princess and keep her eye on Wakko at the same time. Babs leaned heavily against the tree. Okay, think, think, think. What should we do? Babs was running out of time. She noticed the tables and chairs were now completely set up and Geebee soldiers were starting to sit down. Suddenly, she heard some giggling coming from the front of the procession. Looking near the arch, she saw Buster, Yakko and Dot, still dressed in their feminine evening wear, standing in front of Kathy, a guy dressed in black — possibly the minister — and what was quite probably the groom (he was indistinguishable from the others in appearance and attire except for the large white flower he tucked into his gargantuan lapel). Babs immediately clicked on. She turned toward Wakko. "Whatever you do," she told him in a voice of stone, "don't leave this spot." Quickly, she whirled around, and when she was done she was wearing a blue dress with sequins and an extremely low neck line, and a skirt that was even more loose and much shorter than the one she usually wore. She stuck her tongue out at the gaudy outfit that left little to the imagination, but knew she would fit in perfectly with Babs, Yakko and Dot. She noticed Wakko giving her the once over with his eyes, his tongue dangling out of his mouth. In annoyance, she grabbed his tongue, stretched it out about two feet from his mouth, and snapped it back inside where it belonged like a rubber band. Wakko put a hand over his mouth and grimaced in pain. "Serves you right," she told him. Babs looked around the tree again. Buster was telling the prospective groom something, to which the groom rolled his eyes, nodded and motioned for them to step aside, which they did. They stood right next to Kathy and the soldiers pinning her arms behind her back, and all three toons yanked out a pretty bouquet of flowers from behind their backs. Babs did likewise, than quickly jogged out from behind her tree. "Hey!" she shouted as she jogged toward the wedding arch. "Everybody knows you're supposed to have FOUR bridesmaids!" The groom groaned. "Why not?" he asked rhetorically, and motioned for Babs to stand with the rest of the bridesmaids. Babs stood at the end of the line next to Dot. She had a small, fake grin on her face, but Babs could tell she was upset about something. "What's wrong?" she asked. "My poor brother," she whispered. "He's gone." "No he's not," Babs told her. "He's standing right behind that tree over there." "That's not him," she whispered, then shouted "He's DEAD!" Tears rolled down her cheeks like they were overflowing rain barrels. Everyone at the ceremony stared at Dot. Babs smiled weakly. "Eh, she always cries at weddings." Everyone seemed to accept that, and focused their attention back on the ceremony. "Can we PLEASE get going?" the groom said out of frustration. "Okay," said Buster. "Let's just get in the right order, here. My dress matches best with the girl's on the end." Buster shoved Yakko and Dot up the line roughly, and stood next to Babs. "Babs, what are you doing?" he whispered. "Don't worry," she told him, "I think I've figured out what you guys are up to. Where are Fifi, Hamton and Shirley?" "They're in the crowd. They all have their cues." Babs nodded at him. "Just let me know when we're going to do this." "Just follow my lead." The preacher guy started his spiel. They were gathered there today, yadda yadda yadda. Just get on with it, Babs thought. He droned on for what seemed like hours to Babs, until he finally said it. "May I have the rings, please?" A Geebee soldier walked slowly up to the arch, holding a large ceremonial pillow with two wedding bands on it. As he approached, Yakko let out a powerful sneeze. His sneeze blew the rings right off the pillow and onto the ground. In terror, the soldier holding the pillow handed it to Yakko and began frantically searching the ground for the bands. "You know, I'm really not feeling so well," said Yakko. "Maybe I'll just take a little nap." With that, Yakko dropped the pillow onto the ground, right at the groom's feet, and feigned sleep. While he did, he let out some of the most hideous noises from his adenoids that had ever touched a living thing's ears. Babs had to plug her ears, as did Dot, Buster and most of the rest of the crowd. Babs saw the groom slap himself in the forehead. "WAKE UP!" he shouted as loud as he could right at Yakko. Yakko rose with a start. "Whatever you say, chief," he said as he saluted, jumped up off the ground and got back in line. The ringbearer was still on the ground searching for the lost bands, but the groom grabbed him by the jacket collar. "Forget the rings," he yelled at the ringbearer. He turned toward the preacher. "Just move on!" "Whatever you say, Maurice," answered the preacher. Babs looked toward Kathy. She was obviously a little leery of this plan, but apparently thought their antics were a little entertaining, as she had a small smirk on her face. The preacher continued, saying something about, cherishing, obeying, something else. She wasn't really listening. Instead, her eye was scanning the crowd. She finally caught sight of Hamton, Fifi and Shirley. Hamton was wearing a green plaid jacket and matching pants, while Shirely and Fifi were both dressed in dresses very similar to her own. Hamton was looking back at the two of them, appearing a little uncertain about what it was he was supposed to do. Shirely nodded at him, and Fifi gave him a gentle nudge in the ribs. Hamton jumped out of his seat. "I can't stand it!" he yelled, stopping the ceremony cold and grabbing the attention of everyone. He took Fifi by the wrist, pulled her into the nearest aisle, and said in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear: "Fifi, this wedding is so beautiful, it's inspired me to do something." He bent down on one knee in front of her. "Fifi, my darling, will you marry me!" Fifi leapt about 20 feet into the air, squealing with utter delight all the way up and all the way down. When she landed, she grabbed Hamton by the neck and pulled him upright. "Of courze I shall marry you, Hamton, my leetle piggy of passion," she shouted happily. "Let'z get mahiried right now!" With that, both of them skipped up to the wedding arch hand-in-hand, and looked at Maurice and the preacher hopefully. The preacher gave Maurice a sideways glance, and Maurice threw his hands up in the air. "Fine!" he yelled in obvious frustration. "Let's just keep going!" "Wait!" shouted Babs. "Our new friend here needs at least one bridesmaid, too!" Babs motioned for Shirley to come and join them. She skipped up toward the arch, carrying a bouquet. Maurice's face was now flushed red. Smoke was wafting from the top of his head. "Okay, we're ready," Shirley said, waving and smiling at him. "Alright," started the preacher, "Fifi, do you take Hamton to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "Mozt zertainly Ah do!" she said emphatically, simultaneously putting her tail around Hamton's shoulders and pulling him closer to her. "And Hamton, do you take Fifi to be your lawfully wedded wife..." Babs noticed a trickle of sweat running off his forehead. Then another. And another. "To have and to hold..." Hamton tugged at his collar uncomfortably. Babs could tell Hamton wasn't just pretending to be nervous. "...In sickness and in health, till death do you part?" Just then, Hamton swooned backwards, hitting the ground like a brick. Fifi kneeled down, propped his head up, and started fanning him with his tail. "My poohr leetle piggy, are vous feeling alright?" After a beat, Hamton came to. "I...do," he muttered, before passing out once again. "Then, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. When you regain consciousness you can kiss the bride." Babs saw Maurice rub his temple. "I've got a headache," he muttered, before turning toward the preacher. "Can we get on with MY ceremony now?" "Alright, alright," said the preacher. "Now, if anyone here objects to this marriage, may he speak now or forever hold his peace." Babs cringed as the preacher spoke this line, because she knew full well what was about to happen. Right on cue, Wakko bounded out from behind the tree, chest expanded, and made his way straight toward the wedding arch. "I object!" he shouted forcefully, right at Maurice. Out of the corner of her eye, Babs saw Kathy's face light up. At first, Maurice looked more perplexed than angry. "What?" he asked incredulously. "Who are you?" Wakko opened his mouth, but was cut off by a sharp howling. Babs, and everyone around her, turned her head to see Dot sobbing inconsolably in her palms. "What?" Maurice asked her. "What is it now?" Dot crept over to Maurice and, after catching her breath, whispered to him "I see dead people." Her bawling fired up again instantly. "What are you talking about?" said Yakko, who'd overhead them. "Wakko's not dead, he's right over there!" He turned and gave a small wave to his brother. "Hey, Wakko." "Hey." "No!" yelled Dot. "I'll PROVE it!" Still weeping, Dot went over to the guy video taping the wedding. She motioned for him to give her the tape, which he handed over. Then, reaching into the front of her dress, removed a large television and VCR. She popped the tape in and cued up Wakko's entrance. "I object!" Wakko said on the tape. She paused the tape and hit the rewind button. As the tape rewound past Wakko's objection, he could clearly be heard saying "Wakko is dead." "I knew it, you are dead!" Dot said as she rushed to her brother, crying her eyes out. She grabbed him and hung off him by his waist. Wakko scratched his head. "I'm not dead," he told her. Dot sprang back up to her feet. "Oh, okay, then." She skipped back to her place in the bridesmaids' line as if nothing had happened. Babs yanked at her ears in frustration. "Now then," said Maurice, "if we can get back to the matter at hand, Wakko, is it? Why are you objecting to this wedding?" Now he was going to get it, Babs thought to herself. She'd TOLD him to stay put! Wakko tugged at his collar, from which a large blast of steam escaped, and fidgeted. "Um, uh, it's, uh," said Wakko. "It's, it's because you don't love her!" Maurice shrugged his shoulders. "So?" Wakko looked as if he was completely unprepared for Maurice's response. He grinned sheepishly and started to twist his foot in the ground. "Well, if you don't love her," Wakko looked up and momentarily glanced at Kathy. Babs saw that Kathy was now beaming at him. Babs held her breath waiting for Wakko to finish his thought, but after several moments of awkward silence, during which Maurice had time to let out a long yawn, she realized he wasn't going to finish his thought. "Grrr!" Babs stormed in between Wakko and Maurice. "What is WITH you Warners, anyway?! Wakko is in love with Kathy! He's been in love with her since they met!" Babs grabbed Wakko by the shoulders. "Just TELL her that!" Babs stepped out of the way, and saw Kathy looked at Wakko hopefully. Wakko's face was so red his head could've been mistaken for a tomato. He took a deep breath. "It's true, Kathy. I am in love with you." Babs would've been ecstatic if the original plan to sabotage the wedding hadn't just went straight out the window, or if she didn't know that something bad was soon to happen to all of them. Maurice tore off the flower in his lapel and slammed it to the ground. "What is this, a bad episode of General Hospital?! Guards! Take all of these idiots away!" As several soldiers stepped menancingly toward them, Babs said a silent prayer. She was praying for nothing short of a miracle. ***** It was the miracle he'd hoped for. For the past hour or so, Plucky had watched the guards surrounding the water tank, hoping something would distract them so he could get inside the ship and get it warmed up. Now, something had apparently caught their attention, and they were all quickly moving toward the front of the castle. It was his chance. Plucky ran from the shadows of the castle, where he couldn't be seen, and straight into the ship. Quickly, he hit several buttons on the control panel, and the ship's engines started to fire. Now he was ready to get moving. All he had to do was find Hamton, Fifi and Shirley so they could get back home. If they hadn't found the rabbits or the Warners yet, it was their problem. As Plucky exited the ship, he heard the commotion out front. Someone was yelling at the top of his lungs. Plucky crept closer to have a look. There appeared to be some sort of ceremony going on. Possibly a wedding, he thought. He looked closer. From here, he saw what he thought might be Buster and Yakko Warner dressed up in drag, and both looking not too bad in their outfits. He saw Babs standing next to Dot Warner. And he saw Maurice with a pair of henchmen next to him holding a young girl. Several of Maurice's goons, including all the ones who were guarding the ship, were closing in on Babs, Buster, the Warners and... "Ah! Shirl! She's in trouble!" Shirley and Fifi were desperately trying to waken Hamton, whom Plucky guessed had fainted for some reason. He came to, and the two girls pulled him to his feet. Shirley was quaking with fear. Plucky bit at the ends of his fingers, sending green feathers flying in every direction until he'd bit them down to nubs. "What do I do? What do I do?" he muttered to himself over and over. ***** Just then, Babs' prayer was answered. Just before the soldiers were about to pounce, the top layer of the wedding cake fell off, and out of the cake emerged Dr. Starkey holding a large laser rifle. The business end was pointed right at Maurice. "Hold it right there, lads," he said in an even voice. "Don't anybody move or Maurice gets it. Everybody throw down your weapons." Babs turned her head toward Maurice. The expression on his face was one more of annoyance than anything else. "They say something ALWAYS goes wrong at weddings!" he said in disgust. "Do as he says, men." As the Heebee Geebees complied, Dr. Starkey motioned with his gun toward Kathy. "Now let her go." Maurice nodded at his soldiers, and Kathy broke free of the soldiers' grips. She ran straight toward Wakko. He opened her arms to greet her, and they shared a long hug, as if nothing else of importance was going on around them. Even Babs couldn't help but sigh. "Did you really mean what you said, Wakko?" Kathy asked him. Wakko looked up at her, and nodded his head weakly. "Yes," he whispered. "I love you, Kathy." They stared at each other for a moment, not knowing or caring what else was going on around them. Babs stood their with her breath held, and watched as the two of them shared their first kiss. She smiled warmly, and felt a tear roll down her cheek. Inside, she actually felt a little jealous, knowing that could easily have been her and Wakko sharing this moment. Suddenly, a small noise caught Babs' attention. She turned around, and saw one of the Heebee Geebees sniffing and wiping something out of his eye. Behind him, another was blowing his nose. Across the aisle, a pair of Geebees were embracing, apparently consoling each other. Soon, there wasn't a dry eye in the congregation. Dr. Starkey, still standing inside the cake smiled. Then, to Babs' horror, he slipped and fell down inside the cake, accidentally dropping his weapon to the ground. Maurice saw this too, and shouted at his men: "kill them! Kill them all!" Terrified, Babs whirled around to face the audience. Kathy and Wakko broke off their kiss and held each other in fear. Yakko and Dot were trembling. Her Tiny Toon friends were frozen with fear. And none of the Heebee Geebees lifted a finger. Maurice looked up in total confusion. "What are you doing?! Kill them!" Again, nobody even moved except to wipe tears from their eyes. "What's going on?" Babs asked anyone who would answer her. "Why aren't they doing anything?" Dr. Starkey stood himself up again. "I think I can answer that, lass," he said, almost nonchalantly. "You see, even though they act tough, these Heebee Geebees are nothing but a bunch of old softies. When they see an emotional scene, they fall to pieces." Babs watched as several of the Heebee Geebees slowly walked off, most of them dismissively waving one of their free hands at him while another was holding onto a tissue. Maurice stood their, utterly dumbfounded. One of the Geebee soldiers called to him as he walked away: "kill them yourself." Suddenly, Maurice snapped. "Excellent idea, traitors!" With that, Maurice reached into his jacket and removed a small remote control. "I'll get rid of all of you!" "Oh no," said Dr. Starkey. Maurice pushed a big red button on the remote control. A loud, shrill beep filled the entire atmosphere. Babs looked up toward the sky, and saw the Death Futra Ball move closer toward the planet. Babs turned back toward Maurice and saw him grab the mouthpiece of a nearby CB radio. "DFB troops, commence planetary destruct sequence!" "Planetary destruct sequence initiated," said the voice on the other end. "Primary weapon will be charged in five minutes." "So long, suckers!" Maurice yelled at everyone. "Your time is up! If I can't control this planet, no one can!" Babs turned toward the doctor. "Any bright ideas?" she asked. "Not really," the doctor told her. Babs thought for a moment, then said, "look, we'll put as many people as we can onto the water tank and get out of here! I know it's not the best idea, but that's the only chance we've got!" The doctor shook his head. "We've only got five minutes. We won't be able to get far enough away before the blast destroys the ship as well. We've got to destroy the Death Futra Ball, and we've got to do it quick." ***** Plucky thought everything had been resolved, after everyone started blubbering when Wakko and that girl kissed, but pandemonium ensued again. He had no idea what had just happened, but Shirley, Hamton and Fifi were rushing toward him. They'd probably be more than happy to tell him. "Plucky!" Shirley yelled as she reached him. She was nearly out of breath. "Plucky, that guy is going to destroy the planet! He's, like, totally given the order already! What are we going to do?" "We've got to get out of here!" Plucky told them. "Hurry up, get on the ship! It's ready to go!" "We'll never make it!" Hamton told him. "Even if we took off right now, we'd still get blown to bits!" This couldn't be happening, Plucky thought. He was too young to die. Plus, he was hearing this voice in the back of his mind. It was nagging him. It sounded a lot like Shirley's voice. "Will you, for once in your in your life, like, think about someone other than yourself?" Plucky recognized the words. Those were exactly the words Shirley had said to him all the way back in Chapter Six. And she was right, Plucky thought. For as much as she could get on his nerves, he knew deep down inside he'd do anything for her. Although he came grudgingly on this wild hare chase, he'd still come. And he did it largely for her. Shirley walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned to look at her. She was obviously sad, but had decided there was nothing she could do about it, so she might as well accept her fate. "Plucky," she said in a low voice. "I guess this is like, totally goodbye." A defiant sneer formed on Plucky's face. He knew what he had to do. "Not if I have anything to say about it," he said, just before pulling her close to him and giving her a big, passionate kiss. Shirley didn't resist. When he broke it off, he turned back toward the ship. "Plucky, what are you doing?" she asked. "What needs to be done," he said. With that, he climbed aboard and slammed the door shut. Plucky turned on the viewscreen. He saw Shirley outside, with her hands clasped together, watching hopefully as he lifted off. ***** Dr. Starkey heard the engines, and looked up just in time to see the tank lift off the ground. "He's going to try it," he whispered. "Good luck to you, lad." Buster and Babs gave each other odd glances. "What's going on?" Buster asked her. All she could do was shake her head in response. Maurice snickered to himself as he watched the ship take off. "He'll never escape," he muttered as he picked up the CB's mouthpiece. "DFB," he said in even tone, "you've got a bogey coming at you. Shoot it out of the sky." ***** "Here we go," Plucky said to himself as the ship was gradually accelerating. His viewscreen was filled with the Death Futra Ball. Even from this distance, its size was menacing. "Just stay calm, and we can do this," he thought. Suddenly, a spark seemed to jump from the ball. A laser. Plucky punched a button, and the ship veered off sharply to the right. Another spark. Plucky hit another button and the ship went hard left. Plucky knew this would be tricky, but he knew he had the experience to do this. And his friends had said he was wasting his time playing all those video games. Plucky glanced at his watch quickly. He was running out of time. Only about two and a half minutes to go before the weapon was powered up. Expertly, Plucky dodged the lasers, even as they grew more numerous the closer he got to the ball. They seemed to be coming from everywhere, but Plucky kept moving up and down, zigging and zagging. He was almost there. Plucky looked at his watch. He had just one minute left. Sweat fell off his forehead like Niagra Falls was situated on the top of his head. His breath was shallow. His palms felt like they'd liquefy at any moment. His heart was blasting against his breastbone. Shirley's words kept ringing in his ears. The image of her standing in front of the ship, hoping he would find a way to do the impossible, was burned in the back of his mind. He was going to make it. He had to make it. The lives of everyone he cared about depended on it. The ball was so close now. The reflected light was making him squint. He reached into his pocket and put on a pair of young Tom Cruise sunglasses. "Here it comes!" he yelled to himself. The lasers had stopped. Plucky balled up one fist, and slammed it on top of a yellow flashing button. The tank was now headed straight into the heart of the ball. Ten seconds. Plucky closed his eyes. Time seemed to be going in slow motion. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. The apex of the tank buried itself into the Death Futra Ball. Plucky slowly opened his eyes, and watched on his viewscreen. All around the tank, broken glass fell like rain. The crunching sound of plate glass getting smashed echoed throughout the water tank. He'd done it. ***** "No, no, NOOOOOO!" Maurice couldn't believe his eyes. His great weapon was crumbling like a gigantic coffee cake in the sky right in front of him. Shards of the most awesome weapon ever built drifted harmlessly through space. His dream of planetary domination or, at worst, destruction, was over. He buried his face in his palms. It was never supposed to go like this. Just then, Buster, now back in his regular manly clothes (despite Babs' semi- joking plea to leave his dress on for awhile), strode over. He pulled a carrot out of his pocket and munched it nonchalantly. "Hey, it's okay," Buster said as he patted Maurice on the back. Maurice looked up. "It is?" he said hopefully. "Sure it is! Nobody here's holding a grudge. In fact, we've got a little surprise for you." Maurice was incredulous. "You do?" "Sure we do," said Buster enthusiastically. "Just wait right here, and you'll get what's coming to you." Buster quickly walked off, leaving Maurice standing by himself. "So I just wait here then?" "Right there!" Well, they weren't such bad guys, Maurice thought to himself. After all he'd done, he expected to go to jail, or maybe even worse. Maurice wiped his brow and waited for what was to come, not noticing until it was too late he was standing right in the middle of some train tracks. Maurice heard a nearby steam whistle. He looked up just in time to see an iron horse, being conducted by King Woodstock himself, about to slam right into him. Day was now beginning to break, with the sun slowly rising over the distant mountains. But an impromptu celebration party had just begun. Hamton, Fifi and Shirley embraced and jumped for joy. Yakko, Dot, Buster and Babs exchanged high-fives. The DJ started spinning the greatest hits of Captain and Tennile. The newly-liberated Heebee Geebees were getting down with the beat. The newly-liberated Woodstockians poured out of their houses after the long days and nights of terror to join their new friends. A chorus of cheers echoed through the valley as, several minutes later, the water tower zoomed back to the planet. The ship landed gently, and the door slowly swung open. A crowd gathered around the ship to cheer Plucky. The first one in line to congratulate his as he triumphantly strutted out of the ship was Shirley. As he emerged, Shirley jumped into his arms. "Plucky, my hero! You did it!" His eyes met hers. "I couldn't have done it without you, Shirl." Triumphantly, Plucky carried his girlfriend through the crowd, which parted to let the happy couple pass. The DJ handed a microphone to King Woodstock, who called all the toons over to stand with him, Dr. Starkey on one side, and Kathy, who hung onto to her father's other side. The crowd gathered around them. "My friends," the king began, "you have saved this house, this land, and this planet from war, tyranny and destruction." "Aw, go on," said Yakko, waving his hand dismissively at the king. "You guys were amazing," said Dr. Starkey. "I couldn't have found better companions if I'd tried." "We owe you all a debt of gratitude," the king continued. "Just name your reward, and you shall have it." Yakko stepped forward, with his siblings in tow. "I just want to know one thing," he said. He poked a finger in the doctor's chest. "Are you or are you not Ringo Starr?" The Warners eyed Dr. Starkey skeptically for several long seconds. The doctor and the king exchanged odd glances. Then the doctor turned back to the Warners, smiled, winked at them, and said nothing. Babs turned to Buster, who nodded at her. Fifi and Hamton did likewise. She stepped toward the king. "Your highness," she said. "There is one thing I think we'd all like. I really enjoy your country, it's a beautiful place, but we all need to get home to Earth to be with our families and our friends." Wakko gasped. "Wait!" he said, and ran to Kathy, who put her arms around him. "I want to stay here with Kathy!" "Wakko, we don't belong here," Dot told him. "We belong at the studio. All of us." "Yeah," Yakko said. "And we can't go without you. We'd be like a tricycle with only two wheels. Um, I guess that would be a bicycle, but you get the point." Kathy's head dropped. Wakko looked up at her hoping she'd say something profound. "No, Wakko," she said. "They're right. You need to be with your family. I would love for you to stay here with me, but they need you even more." Wakko felt a twinge in his stomach, partly because he had to leave her, and partly because he knew she was right. He needed his brother and sister. He'd been separated from them for just a few days and couldn't wait to rejoin with them. As much as he loved Kathy, he knew he wouldn't last a week on that planet without them. He sighed, and gave her a big squeeze, which she returned. They broke their embrace off, but before they did, Kathy whispered into his ear: "and don't worry, I'll see you again soon. I guarantee it." Wakko, with a bitter tear in the corner of his eye, backed away from her slowly, then bumped into Yakko. Yakko gave his brother a sympathetic glance, then motioned with his head that it was time to go. Wakko sighed, lowered his head, and marched along with the rest of the toons toward the water tank. It didn't seem fair, he thought. He finally found someone he wanted to be with who seemed to want to be with him, yet they were from two different worlds, literally. He would have to return to his without her. Babs wanted to say something to him, but she didn't know what, and doubted that talking to him right now would do him much good anyway. The crowd followed the toons like a flock of sheep toward the ship. The crowd was solemn, having to say goodbye to their heroes so soon after their great victory. Plucky was the first to climb inside, which he did to much loud cheering. He turned toward the crowd, and held his hands high in the air, giving them a double-victory sign before disappearing inside the ship's belly. Shirley, Fifi and Hamton went in next, with Fifi snuggling up close with Hamton, much closer than usual. Yakko and Dot were next inside. Dot waved happily toward the crowd, who also cheered them on. The most vocal cheers came from a small pack of Heebee Geebees, to whom Dot gave a wink and a seductive smile. Yakko eyed the Geebees suspiciously before heading into the ship. Hand in hand, Buster and Babs climbed up and into the doorway. Babs turned momentarily to acknowledge the cheering crowd. "You like me! You really like me!" she said melodramatically before Buster yanked her inside out of disgust. Wakko was the last to enter the ship, having stood as long beside Kathy as he could. The crowd saved its most vocal cheering for him, the toon that captured the heart of the princess. He barely noticed the cheering, however, and didn't even lift a hand to acknowledge it. His attention was firmly focused on Kathy, who dotted at her left cheek with a handkerchief. Wakko had never been so lonely in his entire life. Neither said a word. Both just waved weakly at one another. Plucky gently pressed a button on the control panel of the ship, and the door slowly closed. ***** EPILOGUE If you wear red tonight Remember what I said tonight That red is the color that my baby wore And what's more it's true, yes it is Scarlet were the clothes she wore Everybody knows, I'm sure I would remember all the things we planned Understand it's true, yes it is, it's true, yes it is --The Beatles "Yes It Is" It took little time for the people of the planet to get back to normal and on with their lives. The Heebee Geebees, by and large, accepted King Woodstock as their new legitimate political head. Geebeenians and Woodstockians soon settled in together side by side, and peacefully co-existed. Just days after his regime was dissolved, Maurice was brought to trial on charges of kidnapping, breaking and entering, vandalism, and poor fashion sense. He was found guilty on all charges, but is currently appealing the final charge, maintaining that the jury was jealous that he was "too cool for the room." Maurice was sentenced to 20 years in prison where he will be breaking rocks with a large hammer. He could be out in three months with good behavior. ***** It was getting to the point that Shirley didn't want to talk to or hang out with either one of them. All she'd heard from either of them in the three days since they'd returned was the argument. Fifi would insist "oui." Hamton would insist "no." It was getting old. Shirley looked on her caller ID as the phone rang, knowing before she did who it was going to be. Yep, it was Fifi calling for the 12th time in the last two hours. She would likely leave another message like "I know vous are home, loon, peek up ze phone!" "Yes, Fifi?" Shirley said when she finally grabbed the receiver after the fourth ring. "Ooh, I am zo mad at zat leetle welchair," she said. "He refuses to acknowledge our vows!" "Feef," said Shirley, hoping her vocal inflection would give her skunk friend the hint that she was sick of being in the middle of this conversation, "you and I are, like, totally primo friends and all, but I already told you, I agree with Hamton. You two are NOT married, okay?" "But he took a vow to me, and now he refuses to acknowledge me as his wife!" Shirley rubbed her temples. She hoped the pot of green tea she was making would be ready soon, because she was going to need it. Just then, her phone beeped, indicating she had a call on her other line. She looked down at her ID box, also knowing full well who was calling. "Hang on a minute, Feef," she told the skunk as she pressed the button for her second line. "Hi, Hamton." "Shirley, you've got to help me," said Hamton frantically. "Fifi still won't let go of the idea that we're married! What should I do?" "That is IT!" yelled Shirley into the phone. She punched her three-way call button. "Okay, listen up you guys, I'm, like, totally through with being in the middle of your argument! You two just battle this out for yourselves!" She placed the phone on the tabletop just as the teakettle started whistling. Even from the kitchen she could hear the two lovebirds pecking at one another. "Yes we are!" "No we're not!" "Yes we are!" "No we're not!" "Yes we are!" Shirley poured two cups of tea and went back into her living room. She handed the other cup to Plucky, who sat on the couch dazed and confused, his pupils spinning in small circles. His face was covered in red puckered lips from his and Shirley's extended kissing session, their fourth that day. She sat on the couch near him, and eased his head onto her lap. She had a mischievous grin on her face. "Like, let me know when you're ready for another go-round," she whispered to him. "No more for me, thanks. I'm driving." ***** "You know, nobody's home," Babs said just a tad too nonchalantly. Buster stood with her at the mouth of her house. His stomach was a tad unsettled after the deluxe veggie burger he'd just polished off at Weenie Burger. Neither had said much at lunch. In fact, neither had said much since they'd gotten back home. Buster was looking straight at the ground. "What's wrong, Buster?" she asked him. He hesitated to answer. "Um, I've got, some stuff on my mind." He was ready to talk, she thought. "Babs," he said as he began to fidget, "I've made a decision." She nodded at him, wearing the best poker face she'd ever put on in her life. "Um, about what you said on your card. I think you're right. I think we can be more than friends." "Really?" she asked him, trying not to sound too excited. Without looking up at her, he nodded his head. They stood there in silence for a couple of minutes, even though Babs was so happy she wanted to jump up in the air and shout "yee-ha" at the top her lungs so everyone in Acme Acres could hear. "Okay," she said quietly after awhile. "Why don't we go do something together?" "Like what?" "I don't care." Buster's face lit up. "Really? You don't care?" With that, he reached down his shirt, pulled out a tattered baseball glove and sweaty cap. "We're going to spring training!" "What?!" Babs shrieked. "BASEBALL?!" Before Babs could protest any further, Buster grabbed her by the wrist, ready to whisk her off. Before he did, he leaned over and gave her the biggest kiss she'd ever received in her life. Their lips were welded together for nearly a minute, before Buster broke it off. Babs staggered around, struggling just to keep her balance. A half-mile wide grin was on her face, and a dreamy look was in her eyes. Figuring she'd have no further argument, Buster again grabbed her by the wrist, burrowed down into the ground, and made a beeline for Arizona and the Cactus League. ***** It had been downright boring in the water tower for the past several days. Not that anything could live up to the thrill of the battle the Warners had just won, but it was still just plain uninteresting in the domicile where insanity was sanity and the impossible was routine. Part of the problem, actually most of the problem, was Wakko. He didn't want to go chuck bagels at Plotz with Yakko. He didn't want to pour chocolate pudding down Ralph's pants with Dot. He didn't want to go to the beach and play Steal the Bathing Suit with either of his siblings. All he did was sit on the couch with his chin on his palm, and occasionally sigh. Yakko had promised they'd return to the planet someday, but that seemed to have no effect on him. He was still sad and pouty 24-7. Early one morning, before his siblings had risen, Wakko went out and stood on the scaffolding of the tower. The sky was a light purple, and the sun was just peeking over the horizon. Wakko looked down to the lot below him, and watched dispassionately as several studio hands were hustling and bustling trying to set up for some production going on in soundstage twelve. Suddenly, as one of the stagehands was carrying roll of film to the soundstage, he dropped the cannister. The film inside unwound, and the cannister itself continued rolling toward the administration building. Wakko watched as it continued to roll through an opened door and right on inside. Curiosity got the better of him. He wondered just how far it would keep on rolling. He looked up at Dr. Scratchansniff's office window, through which he could see down the hall. Scratchansniff was always at work at the crack of dawn, and so he was this day, arriving with a box of donuts in his hands, as he did every day. He appeared to be taking the donuts down the hall toward the administration building's break room, when Wakko heard the elevator bell chime. As luck would have it, the cannister rolled out of the elevator, right under Dr. Scratchansniff's feet. The poor guy never saw it coming. He tripped over the cannister, and landed face-first right into the box. When he stood up again, his face was dripping with pink frosting and purple jelly. Wakko stood there dumbfounded for a moment, pondering with a wrinkled forehead what he'd just seen. Then, for the first time in days, he let out a little chuckle. The chuckle grew to a laugh, and the laugh to a healthy guffawing. Soon, he was doubled over, rolling around on the scaffolding. His side hurt. Tears were streaming down his face. It might have been the funniest thing he'd ever seen. Eventually Wakko caught his breath. He jumped back up onto his feet. Suddnely, he was in a great mood. It was going to be a great day . He hopped back inside the tower, where his two siblings had just awoken. "What's going on, Wakko?" said Yakko, standing in his bathrobe rubbing his eyes. "Hey, guys!" said Wakko cheerfully. "It's a beautiful day outside today! Let's go cause some mayhem!" Yakko yawned. Dot shook her head to loosen the cobwebs. "It's great to have you back, bro," she told him. "Alright, give us a few minutes," said Yakko as he scratched the back of his neck. "Then we'll go to the grocery store and squeeze all the toilet paper until that old guy kicks us out again." "Great!" yelled Wakko. "I'm going to get my gag-bag!" Wakko's gag-bag had remained undisturbed inside his closet since they'd returned. He hadn't felt the urge to use it until this day. He threw open the closet door, grabbed the bag, and slammed the door shut again. He was about to run downstairs to wait for his brethren, but he stopped. Something hadn't been right. He couldn't put his finger on exactly what it was, but it was something about the closet. He opened the door again, slowly. He looked at the closet's contents. They didn't seem any different. One hundred thirty six identical blue shirts and matching red baseball caps. Some assorted toys, handcuffs, anvils, pliers, caulking gun, armadillo. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Wakko shrugged it off and was about to close the door again when he saw it. Affixed to the back of the door was a large mirror and ornately designed brass stand. His reflection in the mirror looked normal, but the background his reflection was standing in was one made of brightly colored concentric circles. A note had been taped to the stand. My dearest Wakko, I have left this for you in the hopes you will use it to return to me soon. Come back to me whenever you're ready. I'll be waiting for you. Love forever, Kathy Wakko stared deeply at the mirror for several seconds. If he looked hard enough, he thought he could almost see Kathy's figure dancing in the deepest part of the glass. He smiled. He gently closed the closet door. THE END ***** The author dedicates this story to the memory of the greatest filmmaker in cinematic history, Charles M. "Chuck" Jones, who passed away February 22, 2002. Mr. Jones is a hero of mine. I've lost count of how many times he made me spit Cheerios out of my mouth on a Saturday morning. I've seen his classic cartoons no less than 100 times each, and they still make me laugh as long and hard as they did the first time I saw them. That, my friends, is comedic genius. Wile E. Coyote will catch the Road Runner and Elmer Fudd will make rabbit stew out of Bugs Bunny before there will ever be another Chuck Jones. ***** The author expresses his deep regret that he had to cut out another scene involving the Cabbage Patch People from this story. It was funny, and included allusions to Strawberry Shortcake and He-Man, but alas, it didn't work in the context of this story. Perhaps some other time. ***** Somebody to Love By Jefferson Airplane Get Over It By The Eagles Achilles Last Stand By Led Zeppelin The No-No Song By Ringo Starr and the All-Starr Band Band on the Run By Paul McCartney and Wings My Sweet Lord By George Harrison Imagine By John Lennon Ballad of the Blue Cyclone parts I and II By Ray Stevens Don't Stop Till You Get Enough By Michael Jackson Fire and Rain By James Taylor It's a Hard-Knock Life From the hit Broadway musical "Annie" Closer By Nine Inch Nails Baby Got Back By Sir Mix-A-Lot Bidi Bidi Bom Bom By Selena Sweet Caroline By Neil Diamond Theme from "Sanford and Son" By Quincy Jones Wannabe By The Spice Girls Soundtrack available on Duff Row Records, Inc. ***** Number of Tiny Toon Adventures episodes the author hasn't seen: 1. It's the one where Buster and Babs run into Witch Hazel (?) and Babs gets turned into a "real" rabbit. Somebody told the author about the plot once. Not sure how he missed it. Number of Tiny Toon Adventures episodes the author doesn't have on tape: 2. The aforementioned episode and the Spring Break Special, which the author used to have recorded, but his old VCR liked the episode so much it had to eat the tape it was on. How old the author was when he started watching Tiny Toons: 15. How old the author was when he made the connection that Elmyra was supposed to be the TTA equivalent of Elmer Fudd: 17. It's funny, the author made the Yosemite Sam-Montana Max connection instantly... The author's favorite TTA episode: Tiny Toons Music Day. Thirteensomething is a close second. The author's least favorite TTA episode: Flea For Your Life. He's only seen it once, and will probably never watch it again. ***** "Good night, Wakko. Good night, Dot." "Good night, Yakko. Good night, Dot." "Good night, Yakko. Good night, Wakko." "Good night, Ringo." "Good night." "HA! I knew it!"