WHAT'S UP, DUCK? ================ Fanfiction by Nathan East aka Bloodstone the Technomancer E-mail: NE15328@CONRAD.APPSTATE.EDU AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, here's a true Tiny Toons Adventure! Special thanks to Kev for the original Rivals story, which if you have not read it, you really should. It'll make this story make a lot more sense. Thanks also to Nefaria for BGTUR, for the Elmyra suit. DON'T WORRY! This one's a happy story! Apologies for "The Final Episode" if it offended. ============================================================================= Bugs Bunny was relaxing on his terrace on one fine summer evening. The sky was clear, the night was warm, the carrot-soda and whiskey was just the way he liked it. What could go wrong? And then, as if on cue, something went wrong. The vibro-alarm on the back of his wristwatch started shaking like crazy, indicating that someone was making off with his prized Schloscar! Like a flash, Bugs was tearing down the hallway to his trophy room, sweat flying off his brow as he flew like lightning through his mansion. "I'm comin', baby! I shoulda never left ya alone! Don't worry baby, Daddy's comin'!" As he rounded the corner into the trophy room, he saw that the glass case in which the Schloscar should have been had been smashed to bits, and the thief was getting away out the back. "Oh no you don't!!" shouted Bugs, as he made off in hot pursuit. Still, the shadowy figure of the thief, black against the blackness always seemed to be a step ahead of him, the gold of the schloscar flashing now and again like a taunt. Just as Bugs was about to nab the thief, someone shouted in triumph, and he was gripped in a forcefield so tight that he could barely breathe! The thief and another shadowy figure, presumably the guy with the laugh, exchanged high fives. The shadowy figure stepped forward to take Bugs away...revealing the figure of a certain green duck. * * * Shirley the Loon stepped up to Plucky's door and knocked. "Like, I wonder what he wanted to see me about," she thought. "I was getting some mondo strango vibes from him." The door opened, and Plucky smiled at her and asked her inside. As she came in, she noticed Calamity was sitting in a recliner playing Terra, and gritting his teeth over it. He waved at her briefly, then returned to his presumably very difficult game. "Come in, come in! Can I get you something? Soda? Chips? 50 year old WB cartoon star?" "Yeah, Plucky, like, I'll have a so--50 YEAR OLD WB CARTOON STAR!? PLUCKY!!! Like, what did you do to Bugs!?" As she said this, she noticed that the elder bunny was frozen statue-like in a corner. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I'm making my big play, and I don't mean Kon-Ducky! I'm gonna take this place over, and I want you to be right there with me, the Hillary to my Bill! Whaddya say, hmmm?" "Like, totally no way!! Mondo bad karma, Plucky!!! You'd better, like, let Bugs go right now!" "What? And give up my world domination? No way! You mean to tell me you don't want to rule with me!?" Plucky was now confused and angry. "I can't believe you, you looney Loon! Here I am, the most handsome duck in the universe, offering you Queen status, and you refuse me!? You ingrate!!" Shirley had never seen Plucky this way...and she wanted no part of it! "Like, I'm OUTTA HERE!! You'll never get away with this Plucky!" So saying, she broke and ran like hell out of Plucky's house, taking to the air as soon as she was out. Plucky ran outside shaking his fist..."Oh yeah!? I'd like to see you stop me!! Nyah!" He stalked back inside, muttering "ingrate!", then he berated Calamity for not having gotten anywhere in his game. Meanwhile, Shirley was making a beeline for Buster's place. If anyone could help Bugs, Buster could. * * * "WHAT!?!? I can't believe it! Why would Plucky do such a thing?!" Buster could hardly believe his ears. Plucky? Kidnapped Bugs? Impossible. He would have laughed if it weren't staring him in the face. Shirley was almost impossible to understand, she was talking to fast, she was way to excited, and she just couldn't stop talking like a damned valley girl. Babs was just coming in when Shirley finished her story. Buster related it to her, with the help (hindrance?) of many interjections by Shirl. Babs was stunned, then angry. "Why that little....who knew he had the backbone to pull a stunt like this!?" Shirley then told them that Calamity was in on it, too. "Huh...I wonder what's in it for him?" Babs wondered. Calamity didn't have anything against Bugs that she knew of. Plucky must have offered him something pretty darned attractive for him to get into something like this. "Calamity, huh? Well then, I'd say they're probably running this thing from Calamity's laboratory in the ACME desert." "You're right!" exclaimed Babs, "That's really the only place they could go!" "But, like, nobody knows what's in there, you know? There could be, like, some mondo grodie nastiness in there, or some junk!" "Well," said Buster, "it doesn't look like we've got too much of a choice in the matter! We've got to save Bugs!" "You sit this one out, Shirley," said Babs. "You've done enough already, and this is our fight." "Like, if you say so Babs. But, like, nail him a few times for me, 'kay?" "You got it, loon girl." * * * Buster and Babs were nearly ready to go, all their supplies were securely packed: CRE's (carrots ready to eat), Cantines with carrot juice, etc. You get the picture. Just as they were about to set out, a burrow appeared on the horizon, coming right for them. As it arrived, two smaller bunnies popped out. To Buster's and Babs' astonishment, Emily and Eric jumped out in full commando gear, right down to the nasty knives and camo paint! "EMILY! ERIC! What are you two doing here!?" shouted Babs. "What does it look like we're doing here, Babs? We're here to help save Bugs!" said Emily. "It's our fight, too" said Eric. "We know as well as you do what'll happen to all of us if Bugs is taken out of the picture," said Eric. "We'll all be finished in this buisiness," Buster agreed grimly. "So you want a piece of the action?" Both Emily and Eric nodded emphatically. "Alright," said Babs. "You're in." And so, the four bunnies (two related!) went off in search of Bugs. The weary miles trudged on, and on, and on. The sun beat down, the heat was unbearable.... BABS: Alright already! We get the point! Could we get on with it now!? NATE: Oh, right, sorry! The party of four reached the rocky outcroppings outside of Calamity's lab. Montana Max was standing guard outside with a Hand Cannon marked with a "BFG-9000". "Figures," said Buster. "Max would do anything to get rid of Bugs, then nothing would keep him from getting his hands on the Looniversity." "So what do we do?" asked Babs. "Hang back," said Emily. "I've got this one." The others looked at eachother in puzzlement, then at Emily. "Just watch!" Emily imitated one of her sister's trademark spins and emerged wearing the Elmyra costume from BGTUR. Having done this, she winked at the rest of the group, who were in various stages of astonishment. Buster had grown pale and started twitching (bad memories). Eric was torn between admiration and nausea, and Babs was torn between sisterly pride (that Emily could spin-change) and sisterly rage (that Emily had been going through her things!). Emily-Elmyra walked out from behind the boulder towards Max, swaying her hips like only she can. She gives Max a look, beckons, and goes off behind (what else?) another boulder. Max followed her like a goof, leaving the BFG-9000 behind. From behind the rock, Max could be heard, first breathing heavily, then he gasped, then he screamed in hideous pain! Emily emerged from behind the rock, once again in commando gear, she tossed something over her shoulder that was longer than it was wide, and returned to the group. She looked very smug as she re-sheathed her knife. Buster and Eric looked at eachother and gulped...hard. "Okay Lorena," said Babs, "if you're through here, could we leave now?" * * * Inside the compound, the bunnies made a habit of dodging the ACME securocams, so that Plucky and Calamity wouldn't know they were coming. Unfortunately, while dodging the cameras, they ran into a party of ACME Kill-o-bot security droids. Fortunately, being ACME, the droids promptly shouted "Halt Intruder!" and shot themselves. "That was pointless," said Buster. "I wonder where the control center is," said Eric. Babs pointed west and said, "I think we should go that way!" Eric: "What makes you say that?" Babs: "Oh, I dunno, call it woman's intuition." Emily giggles, and points to the obligatory huge neon sign behind Eric that says "<-------Control Center This Way!!<-------". Eric slapped his forehead, while Buster patted him consolingly on the back. The look on Buster's face said "I been there." * * * The bunnies entered the control center. The first thing they saw was Bugs, strapped to a chair and surrounded by a greenish glow. Next to him is the Toon Vacuum from "Washingtoon". "BUGS!!!" shouted Buster, "We're here to rescue you!" Bugs didn't move or respond, he was totally immobilized. Calamity walked out from the shadow to stand by a large rectangular piece of machinery. He looked smug as he held up a sign which said "I don't think so." He started to press a few buttons on the machine. Eric whipped out a HUGE weapon marked "ULTRA AUTOCANNON 20" from his commando pack, and yelled "No way, geek boy!", as he proceeded to blast hell out of the machine! The door on the bullet riddled machine fell open, and Calamity's lunch fell out of the now deceased ACME FRIDGE 5000 as the coyote sadly looked on. "Uh...hehehe...oops," said Eric. "Guess I got a little carried away!" The others could only nod and try to close their dropped jaws. Suddenly, insane avian laughter filled the air! The bunnies looked around frantically, as Plucky leaped down from the rafters at them. Before they could react, he clicked the pause button on his ACME Super-Duper-Ultra- Mega Remote Control at them. Instantly, the bunnies were immobilized by the same green field that held Bugs. The bunnies struggled, but they could only manage to grit their teeth. Again, Plucky laughed. "So, who's in charge now, you dumb bunnies!?" Buster managed to speak, "What are you up to Plucky? What do you possibly hope to gain from all this!?" "Aside from revenge for making me be your stooge for all these years? Aside from payback for all those anvils? Well, I've had Calamity here rebuild the toon vacuum here, with a very special option package! I'm gonna use it on Bugsy here, and then I'll put it in reverse and absorb all his tooniness! Then, with him out of the way, it'll be easy for me to take over!" Plucky laughed wildly, he was really getting into this ranting and raving business! Buster looked at Calamity and asked, simply, "why?" Calamity grinned and held up a sign with a picture of Emily on it! "NOOOOO!!!!!" Eric howled, and he struggled mightily, to no avail. "Oh yes, Eric," said Plucky. "Calamity never forgot or forgave you for that night at Weenie-Burgers. If it hadn't been for you, Emily might have been his. But now, with this machine, she'll be his mindless slave!!!" Calamity nodded vigorously, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. Emily was shaking with fright, Buster was stunned, he had never dreamed that something like this could happen! But then, the floor began to tremble... Eric and Babs were going thermonuclear! Plucky tried hitting the pause button a few more times, but it became all to clear that that wasn't going to save him now. Suddenly, with an earth-shattering KA-BOOM, the forcefield holding the bunnies exploded! Free at last, and enraged beyond words, Eric grew to 5 times his normal size, threw back his head, and howled like the storms of Hell! With the fury of the hades, Eric rushed for Calamity, caught him, and started to beat the #@$@ out of him! With the madness of demons, Babs caught fire, becoming a towering pillar of flame! Her eyes shone with a light that could blast holes in solid steel! With a laugh that would've made Satan cringe, she made for Plucky, and began cooking a feast of roast duck! Unnoticed amid the violence, Emily and Buster sank to the floor. Emily was shaken to the core, and too stunned to do anything. Buster said to her, "Stay here! I'll go get Bugs!" Emily nodded, she could do little else. Buster ran past the smoking remains of the toon vacuum (courtesy of Babs) to retrieve Plucky's remote. Finding it, he aimed it at Bugs and hit "Play". Bugs jumped up immediately, looked around, and yelled "Knock it off!!" Eric looked up, or rather down, from pummeling the coyote pudding in his hands, glared one last time at the filet-o-Calamity, and shrank back down to normal. Calamity, now little more than a set of mournful eyeballs amid a grey puddle, flowed down into a drain, but Eric seemed grimly satisfied, and let him go. Babs, seeing that Bugs was okay, switched off the flames and the nuke-eyes, leaving a very charred and bruised Plucky lying limp on the floor. The rabbits clustered around Bugs. "Eh, tanks for da rescue, guys. I hoid da whole ting." Bugs looked down at Eric with a new respect and said, "Kid, dat was great. You've got potential!" Eric just blushed and scuffed his feet on the ground, he couldn't believe that THE Bugs Bunny had just given him, Eric, a compliment! Emily jumped into Eric's arms and said, "My hero!" They both laughed, looked into eachother's eyes, and kissed, deeply. Babs looked at Plucky and said, "So what are we gonna do with Kentucky Fried over there?" "Let me handle dis. Leave 'em ta me," said Bugs. Bugs whipped out (what else?) and anvil and smashed Plucky flat! Then, Bugs pulled out his ACME Porta-Fax and dialed a number, then faxed Plucky away! "Where'd you send him, Bugs?" asked Buster. "I'll show ya. Hand me dat remote!" Bugs hit a key and the point of view changed like a channel. Plucky was waking up, but for some reason, he was wearing a sailor suit! "Wh...where am I?" he asked weakly. We zoom out a bit to see Donald Duck standing next to Plucky, wearing Plucky's shirt! "So long, sucker!!" cried Donald, as he ran out of the picture. Huey, Duey, and Louie came running in shouting "Unca Plucky! Unca Plucky!" Plucky: "NOOOOO!!!!!!!" We iris out on his scream. END =============================================================================== Please! E-mail me and tell me what you think! E-mail address is: NE15328@CONRAD.APPSTATE.EDU ============================================================================= B L O O D S T O N E T H E _______ / / ~~~~~~~ | | | | | | E C H N O M A N C E R ~~~ CALL UPON THE POWER OF THE TECHNO GOD =============================================================================