Up the Duff		
		By ? The Platypus.
		(David Formosa dformosa@st.nepean.uws.edu.au)

	  "One vegetarian rice please." Ordered Plucky.

	Plucky swallowed spoonful after spoonful of the tasteless rice. As he
forced down the foodstuff he sniffled and cried.

	Babs and Buster Bunny (no relation) sat down a few sets of seats
away,

	  "Plucky doesn't look happy today." Said Babs.

	  "Yeah he's in a real fowl mood." Replied Buster.

	Ba-Boom

	  "I wonder what's wrong." said Buster.

	  "That pun for starters" replied Babs

	Belinder Bilby [1] walked into Weenie Burgers.

	  "Linda do you know what's wrong with Plucky?"

	She drew the rabbits closer.

	  "I heard that Shirley's up the duff."

	A rather disturbing vision formed in Buster's head,

	  "What?" He asked.

	  "She's got a bun in the oven." said Belinder,

	  "Why would Shirley's cooking worry Plucky?" replied Buster

	  "She's expecting."

	  "Well," said Babs "she would be if she's cooking."

	She grabbed the two by their ears and pulled them towards her. 
She whispered something to the Bunnies.  There eyes rose.

	  "No wonder he's worried." Said Buster "Plucky's a father!"

	  "No. He's upset about not being the father." Said Belinder.

	  "Oh." Said Buster.

	He looked over to Babs, he had never doubted her loyalty or  
monogamy.  If she left him, his whole life would implode.  She was the
one thing that kept him going, the basic reason for his life.

	  "Pluck needs a shoulder to cry on."

	  "I'll go and see Shirley.  She's going to need the support of
another woman."

	Belinder watched the two rush off,

	  "Underground Mutton."  she spat out.


	Buster sat down beside Plucky,

	  "You O.K.?" he asked.
	  
	  "All my life I thought that Shirley was not interested in that kind
of thing.  She had been my life long sweetheart,  I believed when the
time was right WE would go further.  But now she has betrayed me for
another,  some one else has fathered our children,  she must hate me to do
this."

	Plucky collapsed over Buster's shoulder rivulets of tears
soaked into the red shirt.  He then looked into Buster's eyes with an
expression of pure terror.

	  "There is no way to end it." said Plucky,  the scene dissolved
into a flash back,

	  "When I first found out I was so shaken I walked to the
tallest cliff I could find..."

	Plucky climbs up a tall craggy cliff,  then stands on the peak,
the wind blowing though his hair.  Plucky takes a deep breath and
throws himself from the cliff.  He falls further and further out of sight
until he crashes into the base of a cavern with a doughnut shaped cloud.

	Plucky picks himself up and brushes the dust off his backside.
	
	  "...I tried everything,  shotguns, anvils, bombs, Acme products, a
visit to the Northern Territory.[2]  But nothing works, its impossible
for something capable of killing us to exist here,  we can't die and we
can't kill.  There is no way out."

	End flashback.  We see Babs at the door of Shirley's house,  she
rings the door bell.  A clear "Ding-Dong" rings out,  the door slowly
opens.  Shirley's mother's legs stepped up to the door.

	  "Hello Babs,  You're here to see Shirley,  She said you'd be
coming.  Go right up."

	  "Thank you Mrs Loon."
	  
	Babs climbed up the stairs and looked at Shirley's door.  On the
door sanscrit wards had been painted, and a protective crystal hung above
the door.  Babs knocked,

	  "Like come in Babs."
	  
	Babs stepped in closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  She
loved the smell of Shirley's room,  a wonderfull incense that cleared your
head and did strange things to your sinuses. Babs opened her eyes.  The floor
of Shirley's room was dominated by a great mandala rug and in the center of 
the complex pattern was Shirley sitting on a nest.

	  "Shirley are you ...?"
	  
	Shirley lifted her thighs, a few cream white eggs could be seen.
	
	  "Like don't worry, there not mine."
	  
	Babs sat down on Shirley's bed,
	
	  "So how did it happen?"
	
	  "Well it was like a few days ago..."
	
	Cue flashback,  we see Shirley all fluffed up and looking cranky.
	
	  "and I had become rather broody."
	   
	  "Broody?" interrupted Babs.
	  
	  "Sort of like avian PMS.  Well, mum got sort of like fed up
and said
		'If your going to hang about like that you might as well
incubate these eggs.'"

	Shirley gets plunked onto of a box of eggs.  End flashback.
	
	   "So there has been no funny business on your part?"
	   
	   "You mean like comedy?"
	   
	Meanwhile back with the guys.  Buster's shirt was soaked from
Plucky's tears,  Buster was still listening to Plucky's never ending
litany of misery.  Buster's mobile phone rang.

	   "Buster Bunny."

	   "Buster, its Babs, put Plucky on the phone.

	Plucky pressed the phone to his ear,  his eyes suddenly lit up
(but where quickly extinguished).

	   "You mean that their her mother's?"
	  
	Plucky jumped into the air,  randomly ricocheting off the walls
and roof shouting,

	   "Whoo Hoow Whoo Hoow."
	   
	Plucky grabbed the Buster's arm.
	
	   "Quick to Shirley's house."


		
	Moments later in Shirley's room,  Buster was rubbing his neck 
painfully.
	
	   "Buster are you OK?" Asked Babs
	   
	   "I think I got whiplash from the trip with Plucky.  What he
did with that concorde jet begs description."

	    "It's nice that Plucky and Shirley are sort of back
together again." said Babs.

	    "Please my stomach hasn't recovered from dog-sled section."
replied Buster.

	In the background Plucky and Shirley admired the eggs,  Plucky
said something tasteless and was hit with a blunt heavy object. 
Everything was back to normal.

		THE END

	Author's foot notes.

[1]In the story I have made use of a character of my own, Belinder Bilby she
has an Australian accent.

[2]The Northern Territory of Australia has recently legalized voluntary
euthanasia, its also a popular tourist destination.

[3]The Tiny Toons characters and related indicia are copyright/trademark of 
Warner Brothers used without permision.

	Athlete's foot notes.
	
There are a number of fine anti-fungal preperations available from your
pharmacist.