- Movie Trailers, Tiny Toons Style! -
Still Another Tiny Toon Adventures Fanfiction

by Earl Allison
eallison@tiac.net

April, 1997

Disclaimer:  Well now!  This time, not only are all the Tiny
Toons and their characters the copyrighted properties of
Amblin Entertainment and Warner Brothers, but the various
movies and plots lampooned here belong to Twentieth Century
Fox, Paramount, and others.  No rights implied or given.  This
story and the original characters herein are copyrights of
Earl Allison, 1997.

It might be helpful to read my first story, 'Toon Wolf', to know who
Willy is.  Another tip of the hat to HKUriah, who again consented to
edit this latest spawn of my twisted imagination.  Read on, and enjoy!



	The scene begins in a darkened movie theater, with Buster and Babs
sitting together in the back row.  Buster yawns, stretches, and tries to
put his arm around Babs inconspicuously.  She promptly elbows him in the
side and gestures toward the "camera".
	"*Ouch!*  Babsie, what gives?" asks Buster.  He then notices her
outstretched hand and starts the intro.  "Hiya, toonsters!  I'm Buster
Bunny ..."
	"And I'm Babs Bunny!" Babs continues.
	"...no relation!" they finish in unison.
	Someone a few rows in front of them hisses "Shhhhhhh!" in an
annoyed tone.
	Now whispering, Buster continues.  "Today is Sneak Previews Day
here atAcme Acres.  We'll be looking at some cool trailers for upcoming
movies.  Best of all, these films feature ... us!"  Buster looks thoughtful for a
moment, and continues.  "Well, not *just* us, but some of the other toons too.."
	Babs shrugs.  "It's in our contract.  We have to give some billing to
the others, or Plucky'll call his lawyers, again."
	"Soooooo, grab some popcorn, get a soda, and sit back and watch the
show!" Buster shouts.
	"SHHHHHHH!" is the angry response from someone beside them.
	"And keep quiet!" warns Babs in a whisper.
	With that final warning, the screen lights up, and the obligatory audio
assault from 'THUD' sends everyone in the audience flying, followed by
the trademark catchphrase "The audience is now deaf."
	Then the trailers begin to roll, with dramatic narration throughout.

	*****

	The screen changes to show a ponderous, dingy-looking ship crawling
through space and edging towards a small barren planet, towing a huge
container behind it.  The scene changes to show seven stasis chambers
slowly opening to reveal their toony occupants.  With a hissing of steam
and coolant gases, the crew slowly rises from cryogenic slumber, each
clad in dirty grey coveralls of varying style.
	The first to emerge is Buster, followed quickly by Babs, Hamton,
Plucky, Shirley, Calamity, and Willy Wolf.  They all stretch, yawn, and
get accustomed to being awake again.
	Buster speaks first.  "I wonder where the Computer has taken us now.
It's too early to be back on Earth."
	"You know ACME," Plucky starts.  "Anything for a buck - kinda like me."
	Suddenly Babs  chimes in.  "Hey, some kind of repeating signal,
definitely intelligent."  She then sits at a terminal, punching away at
the keys as displays and code scroll across the screen.
	Calamity, absorbed in the information stream, holds up a sign that
reads 'DISTRESS SIGNAL?'.
	"Dunno," Babs answers.  "Shirl, you're the computer operations expert,
whaddaya think?"
	The loon walks over to another console and types a command.
'SPECULATE ON MESSAGE INTENT'
	The reply appears almost immediately.  'UNKNOWN'
	Shirley frowns and types a new inquiry.  'IS THIS A DISTRESS SIGNAL?'
	Again, 'UNKNOWN'.
	She frowns and looks back toward the others.  "Like, I dunno, but if it
is a distress signal, we have to check it out.  Regulations, or some
junk.  Best guess, yeah, a distress signal."  She then leans over to
Babs.  "Like, whose brilliant idea was it to make *me* a computer
expert?  I'm, like, totally centered in the cosmic all, but clueless
with technology, or some junk."
	Babs just shrugs before answering.  "I dunno, another hack writer, I
guess."
	After the last exchange, the others scramble to stations, all taking
their orders from Buster or Babs.  Soon, the scene changes to the ship,
now leaving the cargo in orbit, and descending towards the planet.
	Next are some scenes of the crew in bulky spacesuits complete with
clear helmets walking towards a large derelict ship.  The ship is
biomechanical in appearance, resembling some bizarre animal.  As the
camera swings up to a long-distance view from the top, we see that it
resembles a giant skunk.  The planetary environment is a windswept
desert, with coarse gray sand.  After some fruitless searching, the band
makes its way back to the ship.
	As the scene changes yet again to the ship interior, with the crew
seated around a table eating, the narrator speaks up.
	"They thought they were alone.  They were wrong."
	Abruptly, the scene changes to Hamton and Willy looking over a badly
damaged section of deckplate, almost corroded.  "Something got in here,"
Hamton observes.
	"Definitely not a meteor strike," adds Willy, shining a light on the
area.  He wrinkles his nose as he examines the rift.  "Ugh!  It really smells too!
Worse than Plucky's week-old laundry!"
	The next scene is Babs, Shirley, and Calamity all looking over a
console, expressions of concern on their faces.  Babs turns to Buster, a
grim look on her face.
	"Captain, something has accessed our computer files and downloaded
something.  We don't know what."
	Buster replies quickly.  "That can't be all.  What else?"
	Shirley pipes in now, urgently as she gestures to the screen.  "Like,
take a look sir, we're in mondo majoroso trouble now!'
	The message on the screen, bathing the four toon faces in green light,
reads as follows.  'MESSAGE ANALYSIS COMPLETE:  ALIEN CODE IS A
WARNING TO AVOID THIS AREA'  The "translated" display of the message
resembles a giant heart with an arrow through it.
	The narrator speaks again as Hamton and Willy rush in with Plucky.
	"Something is on board, and it wants company."
	Willy speaks next.  "Captain, something is in here with us, in the
lower levels.  Something that managed to get through the hull!"
	Buster nods grimly.  "All right then, we have to find it, and get rid
of it, after all, *it* isn't on the payroll."
	The scene changes again to reveal Willy in a long, dark corridor,
flashlight in one hand and a makeshift flamethrower in the other.  As he
passes an intersecting corridor, he blasts a jet of flame down it, as if
to flush something out.  Unseen behind him, a long, thin snakelike
object, obscured by shadow, slithers down from the ceiling towards the
unsuspecting toon.
	The scene blinks to the bridge, where all of the others are looking
over a console.
	"Confirmed Captain, the entity took all the information we had on
courtships, weddings, and dating," Shirley says.
	Suddenly a red light flashes on the keyboard.  Buster glances over
quickly and exclaims "Willy, get out of there!  Something is sealing the
lower decks off!"
	Back in the tunnels, Willy hears the message over his intercom.  Before
he can reply, the something wraps around his waist, pinning his arms to his
sides and hauling the startled toon up towards the ceiling.
	"It's got me!  Help me, someone!" Willy screams as the mike goes dead.
The light and flamethrower clatter noisily to the ground soon after.
	The vantage point changes, as we see the alien from Willy's point of
view.  It is a lavender female skunk, clinging to pipes and latticework
on the ceiling.  She has a bow in her hair, and her tail is what holds
the wolf fast.  Her lips part, and she speaks two words.
	"Kees me!"
	The tail then begins to reel Willy in as the skunk puckers her lips
affectionately in anticipation of her kiss.
	The camera pulls back as Willy is about to scream.
	The screen goes black, and then the title scrolls by in bright blue
text as the narrator comments.
	"SKUNKNOPHOBIA 2: RULES OF ENGAGEMENT.  In space, no
one can hear you smooch!"
	"Starring Buster Bunny, Babs Bunny *no relation, of course*, Hamton J.
Pig, Plucky Duck, Shirley the Loon, Calamity Coyote, William Wolf, and
Fifi LaFume in her big screen debut as the alien."
	"This film is rated 'RS' for 'Really Silly'.  Opening soon at a theater
near you."

	*****

	As the scene shifts from the movie screen to the back row, we see
Buster and Babs taking a private moment to show their affection.  Both
are lost in the moment of their kiss, until one of Babs's eyes snaps
open, focuses on the camera, and widens in shock.
	Abruptly, the kiss is broken, and both toons quickly regain their
composure.
	"Well, wasn't that a great trailer?" Buster asks, trying to get the
show moving.
	"You betcha!" Babs answers.  She then leans closer, lowering her voice.
"Don't tell anyone, but Willy didn't even have to *act* for this one!
Fifi really got into her role.  We almost thought she *was* going to
make him marry her!"
	Buster grins from ear to ear (no mean feat for a rabbit!) and replies,
"Yeah, I know Willy believed it!  His screaming puts that Culkin kid to
shame!"
	The last comment sends both rabbits into hysterics, falling back into
their seats and laughing.
	The camera shifts back towards the screen as another trailer begins.

	*****

	The screen goes black, and then is replaced with the image of a
starfield.  As an orchestral version of the TTA theme starts, the title
and names begin to scroll by in bright blue script.
	'DUCK TREK: THE ACME GENERATION - THE WORST OF
ALL WORLDS'
	'Starring Buster Bunny as Capt. Bunnicard'
	'Babs Bunny as Chief Medical Officer Barbara Anne (Babs) Bunny'
	'Johnathan Frakes as Comdr. William Riker'
	'Shirley the Loon as Counselor Loon'
	'Hamton J. Pig as Mister Boar'
	'Calamity Coyote as Chief Engineer Coyote'
	'and Plucky Duck as the E.M.H.'
	The camera sweeps by a graceful starship, streamlined and graceful,
cutting through space.  The ship resembles a large carrot with a pair of
wide, flat warp nacelles and a large saucer on top.  Emblazoned on the
face of the saucer is the name 'USS DOOR PRIZE XIX'.  The camera glides
to the top of the saucer, and in through the bubble overlooking the
bridge of the ship.
	As the scene changes and the dramatic music starts, the bridge of the ship
appears, with Buster, Shirley, and Riker all sitting in chairs in the center.  Above
them and slightly to the viewer's right is Mister Boar.  Boar resembles Hamton,
except he is larger, more physically imposing, and has prominent tusks
sticking out of his mouth.  The others look fairly normal, although
Shirley is sporting more cleavage than usual .  At the navigation and helm
stations are Ensigns Fifi and Dizzy, both quietly going about their
duties, pushing buttons on their consoles to the sound of various 'beep'
and 'boop' noises.
	As CMO Babs Bunny enters from an elevator, the viewscreen activates.
A gruff-looking admiral appears on the screen.
	"Ah, Captain Bunnicard.  I'm afraid we have a new mission for you."
	Buster is now reclining in his chair, whacking a paddleball and
looking generally bored.  He stifles a yawn before answering.  "Lemme
guess, we're the only ship in the quadrant, right?"
	"Well, yes."
	"And it's a matter of galactic importance?"
	"Of course."  The man frowns and continues.  "Captain!  I think you
fail to see the gravity of the situation!"
	"What makes you say that?"  Buster asks innocently.  The screen
pans back to show the bridge crew floating around.  Down in Engineering,
Calamity is scratching his head and looking over a large, complex piece of
machinery labeled 'ARTIFICAL GRAVITY GENERATOR'.
	"Oh, never mind that!  Please set course for the Alpha Beta
Polka sector.  An unknown vessel has entered Acme space, one that won't
respond to our hails, dinner invitations, or even yield to pedestrians
at crosswalks!"
	"Gotcha!"
	"Great, there goes our romantic dinner," Babs exclaims, her ears
drooping.
	"Aw, don't worry, Babsie!  What could possibly go wrong?"
	Suddenly everyone crashes to the ground as Calamity whacks the
generator with a large wrench.
	The scene shifts to the unknown vessel, which is cube-shaped.
As the image gets larger, the ship resembles nothing so much as a gigantic
Rubix Cube.  The DOOR PRIZE gracefully approaches, despite being dwarfed
by the larger ship.
	"Hmmmm, lets see." muses Buster, looking over a large text entitled
'1001 Procedures For Alien Encounters - by S. Spielberg'.
	"Like, I'm getting some totally cosmic hostile waves from that ship,
Captain!"  Shirley exclaims, putting her hands on her temples in an exaggerated
gesture to indicate her psychic powers at work.
	"Hostile, eh?  All right Mister Boar," Buster orders, leaving a dramatic pause.
"Open hailing frequencies!"
	Hamton, who had been happily eyeing the big red button on his console marked
'LET 'EM HAVE IT!' collapses into a heap at the order.  "But Captain!  You never let
me shoot at anything anymore!"
	"Just do it!  What could possibly go wrong?"
	"I wish you'd stop saying that," Doctor Babs chides.  "The last time you said
that, we all fell on our heads!"
	Buster is about to respond when the viewscreen activates, showing a figure
hidden in shadows.
	"I am Captain Buster Bunnicard of the Acme spaceship DOOR PRIZE," he
starts, pulling on his uniform shirt to adjust it slightly.  "What do you want here?"
	The figure on the screen steps forward, now completely visible.  The eyes
of everyone on the bridge widen to ten times normal size as their jaws drop, clanging
loudly on the deck simultaneously.
	"Eeewwww!  Cute little bunny-heads, a stinky kitty-head, and a whole lotta cutesy, cuddly-wuddly aminal heads!" the creature exclaims.  It is Elmyra, but not
the Elmyra of Acme Acres.  This Elmyra has chalk-white skin, her bow and gerbil
skull have been completely replaced with metallic lookalikes, and she is half covered
in cybernetics, including a sighting laser along her right eye.
	She then regains her composure and addresses the crew again, in a hollow,
metallic voice.  "We are the Torg, resistance is futile.  You will,"  she then slips back
into her traditional voice and mannerisms.  "I'm gonna hug you, and squeeze you, and
torgify you, and keep you all forever and  ever!"  She then begins to laugh manically,
losing her balance and falling backwards with a loud crash.
	The viewscreen then shifts back to an exterior view of the Torg Cube, hovering
in space.
	The crew, having since recovered from their Wild Takes, scrambles to action.
	Buster throws the book towards the viewscreen, where Dizzy swallows it whole
before it can hit the ground.  "Mmmmm, yummy book!  Dizzy like!"
	"Never mind that, Mister Boar, ready weapons!"
	Hamton smiles evilly at the order, beginning to froth at the mouth as he punches
several  keys in rapid succession, activating the DOOR PRIZE's weapon arrays.
"Weapons ready, Captain!"
	"Fire at will!" he orders.
	At that moment, Commander Riker looks around worriedly, gets up, and
sprints to the turbolift door.  As he rushes in and the door closes behind him, several
energy bursts strike the wall and doors.  Hamton is aiming his hand weapon at the door.
"He got away, sir!  Shall I alert security?"
	"What?  Oh! No, I meant fire at the *Torg*!"  Buster and the others groans
loudly at the awful pun, and a sheepish Mister Boar hits the big red button.
	Switch to an external view of the ship as streams of seltzer water and ripe
tomatoes pelt the cube, leaving no visible damage.  Large anvils shimmer into existence
over the cube, and come crashing down courtesy of Acme Heavy Gravity Generators
lovingly built into every anvil.  These prove equally useless.
	"Captain, we can't stop them!" Mister Boar shouts, now pounding on the red
button.
	"Ensign LaFume, get us out of here!"
	"But of course, my 'andsome captain!" she answers, batting her lashes coyly.
	Babs walks quietly over to the overly amorous ensign, and we hear a large crash.
Fifi is unconscious on the floor, and Babs is hiding a large mallet behind her back.
	"Ooops, looks like a medical emergency to me!  Ensign Devil, get her to
Sickbay!"  Babs orders.
	Dizzy nods, scooping the skunk up and whirling out the door.  We next see him
arriving in an empty sickbay.  As he puts Fifi on the bed, Plucky Duck shimmers into
being.
	He too is wearing the typical Acme uniform, but has three letters on his forehead.
They spell out 'EMH', with the 'H' being the largest and most prominent letter.  "Please
state the nature of the medical emergency," he drones emotionlessly.
	"Umm, skunk fall down.  Doctor say Dizzy bring her here,"  Dizzy answers.
	"Brilliant synopsis.  However did you miss your calling as a writer?  Tricorder,"
Plucky orders, putting his hand out.
	Dizzy shrugs and unclips the one from his belt.  Plucky then waves it over Fifi's
body, examines the readout, and frowns.  "*Medical* tricorder," he says, now annoyed.
	Dizzy shrugs and hands him another one from the bench.
	Plucky sighs and mutters, "I'm not getting paid NEARLY enough for this stupid
role!"
	The scene shifts again, to the bridge rocking back and forth, sending
crewmembers flying.   Babs is sitting at the helm, sending the ship careening through
space.  The ship comes to rest in  what  looks like a large fogbank, just as the Torg Cube
comes to a stop outside it.
	"Good work, Babsie!" Buster says.  He then mutters "Stupid women drivers,"
under his breath.
	"What was that?" Babs asks, a hint of menace in her voice.
	"Nothing dear, nothing at all."
	"Captain, um, they're like, scanning us," Shirley adds, her hands pressed to her
temples again. Then, in a more ominous tone, "they're coming!"
	The screen goes black, with the narrator commenting.  "'DUCK TREK: THE
ACME GENERATION - THE WORST OF ALL WORLDS', coming to a theater
near you.  Rated 'PDS' for 'Please Don't Sue', or alternately, 'Pretty Darned Stupid'".

	*****

	Buster and Babs are whispering quietly when Buster shouts, "Plucky got TRIPLE
scale for this one!  He only got double for  'A Quack in the Quarks'!  I'm gonna call my
agent!"
	"Now calm down Buster," Babs says softly.  "Plucky didn't have a gorgeous
co-star like me cozying up to him in scene fifty-seven, did he?"  She is gently twirling his
ears with her fingers, looking at him with big, soft eyes.  It has the desired effect.  Buster
quiets right down, melting into a puddle as Babs continues to lavish attention on him.
	She smiles and winks at the camera.  "Remember girls, a little affection goes a long
way.  Pull yourself together, Romeo!  Here comes the last movie!"
	Buster reforms in an instant.  "Yeah, you're right, Babseroo!  Shirley had to wear
all that padding under her uniform, and she didn't complain at all!  Okay, toonsters, we
saved the best for last!"
	As the camera begins to move back towards the screen, the rabbits begin
to cuddle again.

	*****

	The screen remains black as the narrator speaks.  "You've seen it before, at
your local video store.  See it as it was meant to be experienced, on the big
screen!"
	The image becomes the traditional Tiny Toons logo.  Underneath it appears
the title 'How I Spent My Vacation - The Special Edition', with Buster and Babs
waving to the audience.  The Tiny Toons theme begins to play in grand orchestral style
in the background.
	The scene shifts to show Steven himself, seated at a large desk, wearing the
everpresent baseball cap and glasses.  "Well, you see, there was so much
I wanted to do with the film, but video technology just wasn't ready yet.  We were also
having contract problems with someone we wanted to introduce, Willy Wolf.  As you all
know, Willy debuted in 'Toon Wolf'.  What many of you DON'T know is that he was
always meant to appear in HISMV, but negotiations ran long, and money ran out.  We
filmed a few sequences with a stand-in, and we always meant to go back and reshoot
them, but we just ran out of time."
	"When we found out that we could go back and fix everything, there were
a lot of other effects that I wanted to touch up.  George paved the way, and since
he bumped MY movie from the #1 slot, it seemed only fair to 'borrow' his ideas."
	The screen goes blank for a moment, and then we see the exterior of the
Looniversity.  Buster and Babs are walking towards an anxious-looking Plucky, who
is holding a sheet of paper.
	Buster greets the duck, "Hiya Willy!  I've been waiting for you."
	"Have you now?"  Plucky responds.  "Buster, my boy, you promised to show
me around Acme Acres.  My time is valuable, and I can't have every cast member
forgetting about me, can I?"
	"I just need a little more time, Willy.  I'll show you around.  Heck, I'll even throw
in a little extra, I'll introduce you to some of the girls.  How's that?"
	Plucky nods.  "All right rabbit.  See that you do before the summer ends,
or else!"
	The scene shifts to a group of animators working at computer stations.
Steven's voice continues in narrative mode.  "We were able to used computers to replace
Plucky and put Willy in the scene, even though he never stood in the same sound stage
as Buster until his actual debut!"
	As he talks, the screen displays blank out Plucky's image and replace it
with Willy's, although not quite the Willy we know.  He is a little scruffier and more
predatory.
	Steven continues, "Y'see, Willy changed a little between the role he might have
had here and the role he ultimately got.  The scene you just saw explains why Willy
is so bewildered in 'Toon Wolf', because he had been accepted already.  At first, leaving
the scene out was okay.  I didn't know if I'd ever get to make 'Toon Wolf', but when I did,
I wanted everyone to see the original plan."
	As the narration fades, other scenes flash across the screen.  The first is of Buster
and Babs fleeing from the possums.  As the possums crest the hill, their ranks are filled out
with Jawas, Banthas, and Imperial Stormtroopers joining in the chase.  Babs looks to
Buster and asks, "I don't remember all these guys before, do you?"
	The next scene is on the beach.  As Elmyra skips off merrily with Johnny
Pew, the dejected Fifi lays eyes on a shy, light brown wolf chasing a frisbee.  As
their eyes meet, the predictable thing happens.  Fifi swoons, crying "Hold me!" as the
wolf does a Wild Take, eyes bugging out as he jumps into the air.  As soon as little Willy's
feet hit the ground, he takes off like a shot, with Fifi pursuing at a leisurely pace, hearts
trailing behind her.
	The scene jumps back to Steven's office.  We see Steven, who is madly fending
off a small, cute alien with an elongated neck and one glowing index finger.  The alien is
chanting "Sequel, sequel" over and over again like a mantra.  Steven finally manages to
maneuver it over a trap door, and the alien falls into a deep pit.
	"Oh yeah!  The beach scene was at Fifi's insistence, so we reshot that using Willy.
That's why he looks and acts normal there, but not earlier with Buster. Anyway, we
jammed a lot of other stuff, about five minutes worth, into the re-release.  Enjoy!"
	The screen blanks out again to show the gazebo scene, with the gators being
rocketed into orbit.  The explosion is bigger and brighter this time, complete with a new
energy corona effect.
	The screen goes blank again, with words appearing on it.
	'HOW I SPENT MY VACATION - THE SPECIAL EDITION'
	'Rated 'NO16' for 'No one Over 16 Admitted', coming soon to theaters near
you!'

	*****

	"Well, that's the show!" Buster shouts.
	"All right, that's IT!" shouts a new voice from behind them.
	Both rabbits turn to see Elmer Fudd, dressed as an usher.  "Both of you,
OUT!"
	Buster and Babs come crashing through the theater double doors to land
in a heap in the street outside.
	Buster gets up and dusts himself off, "And remember to leave the aisle
seats for us, toonsters!"
	"Yeah, it's easier for us to be kicked out that way," Babs finishes.
	"Tune in next week for 'The Pluckinator', 'Loony Weapon', and 'Elmyra,
Queen of the Monsters', our foreign import!  Say good night, Babs!"
	Babs sighs at the archaic joke, "Good night Babs!"



	THE END


Well, what did you think!  Was it good, mediocre, or awful?  Is anyone out there
interested in seeing any of these as complete fanfics?  Oh yeah, before I forget. 

Thanks to Curmudgeon for the original idea of Plucky as the "EMH" in Duck
Trek, and thanks to everyone else who commented on that idea afterwards!  Special
thanks to HKUriah, who not only served as editor, but for suggesting an alternate
version of 'NO16, 'No One under 16 Admitted'.  That would keep all the noisy brats
out so the REAL Toonsters could enjoy it!  One more thing, the skunkette or the loon?
Who should eventually ensnare the little wolf?  Current standings are Fifi - 3,
Shirley - 1.  Thanks for reading, you all make this worthwhile!