Introduction Hi-diddley-ho neighbor! This is my first fanfic, so don't be too surprised if it rates high on the crap-o-meter. After reading my stories, you will most likely come to two conclusions: 1. It is pathetically obvious that I am partial to Buster, Babs, and Elmyra. 2. My stories resemble the real cartoon itself. (You can imagine them being real episodes.) Maybe. Are you confused? As you should be. Let me explain myself: Although I absolutely adore every single one of the characters on Tiny Toons (exept for Sweetie, but can you blame me?), I have to admit that Buster and Babs are my all time favorite characters (I have a thing for cute rabbits, so sue me). That's why they are the focus in all of my stories. As for Elmyra, well... in some weird, sick, twisted, freaky kind of way, there is an Elmyra inside all of us that just wants to reach out and hug something. Scary, isn't it? Scoff if you will, but don't come crying to me when one day you wake up with red hair, and black oxfords on your feet. And, realizing that your IQ has just dropped 30 points, you suddenly blurt out words like hippity-hop, and suggley-wuggley. Be afraid, be VERY afraid . I don't totally neglect the other toonsters in my stories however, what kind of TTA fan would I be if I did that? And as for number two... I'll give you a minute to re-read it in case you forgot what it was... ok. Before I started to write my own fanfics, I knew I had to look at previous ones that had been made. Suffice it say, my parents weren't too thrilled with all of the ink and paper I was using from our printer. It's not my fault you people write stories that are 43 freakin pages long! Anyway, I printed out a butt- load of stories, and studied them carefully. After I was finished reading them (it was 2:00 in the morning if I recall correctly), I could think of only one thing to say, THERE'S PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE MORE SICK AND TWISTED THAN ME!! I was overcome with joy that the spirit of Tiny Toons lived on in the hearts of its TRUE fans, and that those dedicated people continued to keep the Tiny Toons alive by writing stories about them (although most were written by drooling fan boys.) GET SOME GIRLFRIENDS YOU PERVS!! Sheesh! Do you know what my mother would say if she saw me reading some of those stories? Well, to each his own I suppose. Sorry, was I ranting? * find your happy place, find your happy place * Aaaah, now I'm calmed down again. Where was I? Oh yeah, that's right! After I read a wide variety of fanfics, I had to decide what kind of stories I would write, so I looked at my options: There were the futuristic type of fanfics, but then I realized that I wasn't a Trekie, and I wouldn't benefit from Star Trek and Star Wars references which are almost mandatory in those stories. So, I disqualified myself from that option immediately. Then I thought about those fanfics that I had read that had a sort of soap opera quality to them, with some romance novel mixed in. Although fun to read, I could never relate them to Tiny Toons, more like, Guiding Light or The Young and the Restless. It's not just me right? I've never seen an episode of Tiny Toons where Shirley has a bun in the oven, and Plucky is distraught because he's not the father. Have you? Don't get me wrong, those stories are brilliantly written, (probably better than I'll ever be able to write), and I have to admit that sometimes they make me a bit misty eyed (sniff, sniff.), but they don't live up to the Tiny Toons I remember as a child. Ahhhhhhh, to be young again. I remember when Tiny Toons first premiered in 1990, I was in kindergarden and... Uh! Oh! Now you know how old I am! (I hope I don't start to get drooling fanboys.) Anyway, I remember it like it was... a flashback! There I am, sitting way to close to the TV (not until now, into my teenage years have I realized the effects on my brain from sitting too close to the TV: doesn't everyone watch the "blizzard" show on cannel 124?) As I was saying, there I am, cute little six year old me, waiting for my favorite television program to come on, Tiny Toon Adventures! I am quite the little fashion plate, sporting my way cool Buster Bunny slippers, authentic Tiny Toons t-shirt, and clutching my fluffy pink Babs Bunny doll. (I could kill my mom for getting rid of that stuff when I was 10.) If only I had all that rare memorabilia with me now... I would probably sell it on E- bay. Yes, I'd have to say that the highlight of my golden years would be watching Tiny Toons. Either that, or watching Saved By the Bell re-runs with my older sister. (Boy that Screech cracks me up!) At any rate, when I think of Tiny Toons, I think of a time of innocence, fun, and no responsibilities. The only thing you had to worry about was making sure you went to the potty when you felt the "tingle." (Sniff... sniff... excuse me for a second... sob... I have something in my eye... WAAAAA!! I DON'T WANT TO GET OLD! GETTING OLD BITES! WHERE'S THAT BOX OF KLEENEX!! By this time, I was feeling thoroughly depressed, (remind me never to reminisce again.) But suddenly, inspiration struck. It may have been a gut instinct, or maybe it was a feeling in my heart, or it quite possibly could have been the voices in my head, whatever it was, it was inspiring none the less. I popped in one of my numerous TTA videos, I think it was HISMV. (If you don't know what that abbreiviation stands for then I laugh in your face BWA HA HA..) As I watched, my childhood flashed before my eyes. Using this as a guide, I wrote a couple of nifty stories, starting where the series left off. I maintained the witty humor (barely), and I managed to keep it clean, (which was difficult cause I'm usually such a potty- mouth.) I WANNA FLUSH IT AGAIN!! (Sorry, force of habit!) In conclusion, my stories my not be the most well written, or the longest, or the funniest, or even the most politically correct. (I could go on and on), but I don't care. After Tiny Toons was cancelled, there was sort of a void in my life, (I'm sure a lot of you feel the same way, if not, then I guess I'm just a big freak.) Writing these stories fills that void. Void, that sure is a funny word isn't it? Void void void. So, if you like my stories then cool, and if you don't, it's no biggie. P.S. In the first statement of my introduction I left out one thing, After reading my stories you will most likely come to one more conclusion: 3. I'm a fruitcake. So, without further ado... My Shaggadelic story Yipeeeeeee! The Doctor is In by Clare (kittygirl142@usa.net) Our story begins in Yosemite Sam's Wild Takes 101 class. Yosemite Sam sits at his desk with his feet propped up and his chair leaned back, reading the Acme Gazette. "Ras-a-frac-in Republicrats" he mutters to himself as he picks up a coffee mug with "I heart Faith Hill" written on it. He looks over the top of his paper, his bushy orange eyebrows raised as he scans the classroom with suspicious eyes. "I better not hear any 'a ya varmints talkin! Yer sposed 'ta be readin chapter four in yer text books!" He gives the class one more look over, and returns to his paper. Meanwhile, over in row three, Plucky Duck sits back in his desk listening to headphones, seemingly unaware of Yosemite's demands about reading. Next to him, Shirley the Loon floats above her desk, her book suspended in front of her as she reads. Out of the corner of her eye, she spies Plucky, sitting there without his book! She lowers herself back into her desk, and turns around to face her friend, Babs Bunny. "Babs," she whispers. "Like, check out the Pluckster over there. He's totally not even studying, er some junk." Babs stops reading for a minute, quickly glances at Plucky, and then turns back to Shirley. "Actually, Shirl, he is studying" she whispers back. Shirley just looks at Babs with a confused expression. "Didn't he tell you about his, quote, revolutionary new way to sthhudy?" asked Babs, imitating Plucky's speech impediment. "No, I like, don't think so," Shirley responded, still trying to keep her voice down. "Well then, prepare to be amazed." Plucky had overheard his name in the girls conversation, and had decided to educate the girls on his new found discovery (and impress Shirley.) "For I, the great Plucky Duck," he continues, (Babs and Shirley roll their eyes simultaneously), "have discovered the ultimate way to study. If you're like me, you know that there is no sound better than the sound of your own voice. I know I can't get enough of mine." "In other words," Babs interrupts Plucky's speech, "You tape yourself reading the chapter so that you can inflate your ego even bigger. How big is it today Plucky? Hope it doesn't hit an iceberg and sink!" Babs didn't realize that she had raised her voice a bit too much, until she saw the raised eyebrow of Yosemite Sam. "What did I tell you varmints about talkin?" he sneered as he gripped his coffee mug. "Sorry, professor Yosemite," Babs gulped as she slumped into her seat. Sam returned to his newspaper. "That Charlie Brown, he can't do anythin right" he chuckled under his breath, taking another sip from his mug. "That's what you get, Babs, for mocking my genius," Plucky wispers over to Babs when Sam's attention is no longer focused on them. "Oh shut up," she responds, sticking out her tongue. "Like, you know, Plucky," Shirley confessed, "Babs has a point, er some junk. I sense some mondo negatory vibes from that ego of yours." "Well isn't this just dandy," Plucky hissed. "Those nonstop insults being hurled at me can only mean one thing... it's beat up on Plucky day right? Well, who else wants to join in on the carnage? Hammie? How about you? Do you have any thing to add?" Hamton, who was quietly studying just shook his head. "Of course not Plucky. I would never..." "And what about you, FiFi? Hmmmmmm?" Plucky interrupts Hamton, and continues to interrogate people. Fifi is reading her text book and staring at a picture of Pepe Le Pew. "Le sigh. Eef only I vas old' eir, zen he vould be all mine. Le really big sigh." She started to draw little hearts around Pepe's picture. "Oh, Babs," she said, turning to the pink rabbit, "vous are so... how vous say... lucky to 'ave ano'zer rabbeit costar. Le boo hoo, I 'ave no one." As Babs conforts her skunkette friend, Plucky continues to rant and rave. "Oh, yeah! We're all lucky for that!" he says sarcastically. "Two screwy rabbits to torment me." All of the toons conversations hits the ears of Yosemite Sam once again. He lowers his paper, this time, he has even more rage in his face. "I'm 'a gonna tell you varmints one more time. If I hear one more peep out 'a any of ya, I'm 'a gonna... gonna... well whatever I do, it ain't gonna be pretty." The class silences and resumes their reading. "Oh and a, bye the way," Yosemite continues, the class perks up to listen. "Do any of ya know what the eight letter word is fer the girl who played Jan Brady in that there Brady Bunch show?" Hamton raised his hand. "I think that the answer is Eve Plumb sir." "Let's see here," Sam lookes at his paper. "E..V..E..P..L..U..M..B." he spells aloud as he fills in the spaces to his crossword puzzle. "Yeee-haw, it fits!" He looks up to see that everyone in the class is staring at him, some are even snickering. "Well what er ya'll lookin at, git back to readin!" Babs buries her face into her book. Looking up to see if Yosemite is still watching, she sees the green feathery face of Plucky. "So where were we?" he says. "Oh yes, know I remember, you were taking out your jealousy, by insulting me." "My jealousy?!" Babs laughed. "Why would I be jealous of you?" Babs begins to change to a slightly darker shade of pink, as she stares into the duck's eyes. Acting as peacemaker, and being the goodie goodie that he is, Hamton butts in. "Come on you two, don't start fighting in the middle of class. You remember what Professor Yosemite said don't you?" "We're not fighting, who said that we were fighting?" Plucky stammers. "I was just telling Babs that I know for a fact that people insult others purely out of jealousy. Isn't that right, Babs?" Plucky looks over at Babs who is now steaming with fury. "Why I outta..." Plucky, awaiting the oncoming attack from the furious pink bunny cowers in fear, huddled against his chair. "Mommy," he says meekly. Babs, preparing to pounce on the quivering waterfowl, is suddenly interrupted by a loud snore. "Huh?" she says, backing away from Plucky. "What in the name of William Shatner was that?" Plucky asks, craning his neck to see where the mysterious sound came from. Babs, Hamton, Shirley, Plucky and Fifi all turn to look, and they all breathe a sigh of relief when they see a sleeping Buster Bunny, taking a nap. "Like, it's just blue boy" Shirley says as she continues to meditate "Oh what a Loon I am, Oh what a Loon I am" she chants to herself, her book levitating in front of her. "Th....th....that sure gave me a scare" stutters Hamton. He looks down at his stomach as it makes strange gurgling sounds. Looking up at the clock, he sighs, "only two more hours until lunch, I sure hope I can manage." As he continues to read, little animated food people dance around his head as he dreams about lunchtime. Fifi turns to look at Babs. "You 'ad better wake up Bustier, or else ze teach 'er vill, how vous say, flip ze lid." "You're right," Babs responds. "Buster's already gotten in trouble for sleeping in this class, there's no telling what Professor Yosemite will do to him this time. Everybody knows how much he hates rabbits, and Buster definitely isn't an exception." Babs tares out a piece of paper from her notebook, and crumples it into a ball. Then, making sure the teacher isn't looking, she tosses the paper ball at Buster's head. "But I don't want to go to school today, mommy." he sleepily mutters, then he turns over to resume his journey into slumber land. "Darn," Babs mutters under her breath in desperation. "How am I gonna wake that bunny up?" Finally, she sighs as she realizes what she has to do. "Plucky?" Babs taps Plucky on the shoulder. He is still listening to his CD when he lowers the headphones off of his ears and grins at Babs. "Sooooo, back to apologize eh?" "In your dreams, beak-face," Babs says, her anger slowly regaining, "I need you to wake Buster up for me, you're the closest one to him, and if Yosemite sees him he'll skin him alive!" "I'm not gonna lift a finger until you apologize, Babs." Plucky stares at Babs with his arms folded arcros his chest. "I'll save your boyfriend from the wrath of Yosemite Sam, but first I want to see some groveling." Babs grits her teeth at the thought, but knows she has to do what she has to do. After all, Buster would do the same thing in her shoes. He would be the only one that could, considering he was the only one in the school with feet as big as hers. "Alright beak-fa... I mean Plucky, I'm s... s... s.... s... sorry" she stammered. "Man... that was painful. Now Plucky, tap Buster on the shoulder and..." No way Babs," Plucky protests. "That was the poorest excuse for an apology that I've ever heard. And believe me, I've had to apologize for a LOT of things in my life. You need to kneel down and beg for forgiveness, and... throw in a couple 'a compliments while your at it." That was it, Babs couldn't take the indignity any longer. In a stormy rage, she jumps on top of Plucky, pinning him to the floor. Everyone in the room starts to chant "fight, fight, fight" as the enraged rabbit puts a chokehold on the ducks neck. "If you think I'm gonna beg for forgiveness to you, you sorry excuse for poultry, you've got another thinK comin'." All of this commotion finally rouses the snoozing Buster Bunny (finally), he blinks as his eyes adjust to the light. He doesn't realize what is going on because everything in the room is blurry. He perks up his drooping ears when he realizes what is going on. "Babsie," he yells, "What's going ..." BANG!! BANG!!BANG!! The entire room falls silent as a furious Yosemite Sam stares at them from atop his desk. His mug had been knocked over, and coffee drips down his desk and onto the floor. Clenched between his two fists, Yosemite Sam holds two smoking pistols with which he used to silence his class. "I guess y'all weren't list'nen when I told ya bout shuttin yer yaps. I guess you're already done readin chapter 4 then?" he asks his class with an evil stare. Knowing that denying to have read the chapter would mean certain doom, the students all nod their heads, "yes." "Oh well then, I guess y'all wouldn't mind if I give ya a little pop quiz then." "Actually," Plucky timidly perks up. "It was one of them rhetorical questions ya varmint!" Yosemite yells back at the green duck. Plucky slumps so far back in his seat that he falls to the floor. "Yes sir," he squeaks. "Uh oh!" Buster thinks to himself. "Was I sleeping this whole class? I don't think I even looked at chapter four yet! Heck! I don't think I even opened the book yet. What am I gonna do? One more F in this class and I can say goobye to passing this semester." Buster looks over at Babs with a helpless look. Babs just shrugs her shoulders as if to say, "Don't look at me." Suddenly, a light bulb appears above Buster's head, but it's not turned on. Buster reaches up and pulls the string to it, suddenly, a bright yellow glow comes from inside it. "I've got it!" He quickly reaches into his bookbag, and pulls out a book. "Oh, Buster," Babs whispers to him. "You don't expect to read that whole chapter now do you? You don't have enough time!" Buster turns the book around so Babs can see the cover. "The Big Book of Lame Excuses to Use When Trying to Get Out of a Pop Quiz," she reads to herself "Well isn't that conveeeeeenient" "Now the question is... which one to use." Buster reads the book, and thinks aloud. "Wait a minute, Buster" Babs cries. "What if Yosemite finds out that you're lying? Remember last time when you said that your Great uncle Stanley died, and you had to be excused from the mid-term because of emotional reasons?" "Yeah," Buster smiles, "that was a great excuse huh?" "Not really," Babs hissed. "When he found out, he gave you detention for a month." "So, detention isn't all bad, I usually just play my game-boy the whole time." Babs frowns at Buster's last remark. "Just be careful. Yosemite said that your next punishment would be your worst." Buster ignores Babs and continues to flip through the pages in the book. Finally, he stops on the chapter entitled Faking Sick. "Ah hah! I haven't used this one in a while!" Yosemite Sam stands before the class, getting ready to give the impossibly hard quiz to his students. "All right, you varmints, I don't wanna see any of yer eyes astrayin from yer own paper, if I see any cheatin in this class I'll..." "Oh the pain!!!" Yosemite is startled to see Buster Bunny lying on the floor clutching his stomach. "Hoppin horney-toads! what's wrong with you, rabbit?" "My stomach," Buster says, gasping for breath. "I think it's something I ate. I knew that carrot sandwhich was in the fridge for too long." Yosemite looks skeptically at the blue bunny writhing in pain on the floor. "Well, I don't want to take any chances. I don't want no flea-bitten rodent contaminatin my classroom." Buster slowly follows Yosemite to his desk as he writes him out a pass to the school nurse. While Yosemite's back is turned, Buster makes a face at him. Sam quickly turns around, only to see that Buster has resumed his helpless, puppy-dog face. The classroom giggles in unison. "Git back to yer quiz!" He barks. The students lower their heads back to their quizzes as the sound of scribbling pencils fills the air. "Alright rabbit, you know where the nurse's office is. Take it slow though, I'm sure the janitor doesn't wanna be cleanin up after you decide to blow chunks or somethin." Yosemite Sam hands the hall pass to Buster, covering his mouth and nose with his other hand to avoid contamination. "Thank you, sir" Buster meekly thanks him as he takes the pass and heads out the door. He continues to play out the charade until he closes the door behind him. He immediately regains his confident posture; the former nauseas look on his face turning into a wide grin. "What a maroon," he chuckles. "I deserve an Emmy for that." Buster reaches into his pocket, pulling out a bottle of breath spray and spraying it into his mouth. "And now, I have a date with Helloooooo Nurse. She's one cameo I don't mind seeing in this fanfic. Wink, wink." Meanwhile, Yosemite Sam is listening to Buster through the door. "That's what you think varmint." As he heads back to his desk, he picks up the school phone, and dials up the number for the infirmary. A soft, sexy voice, which belongs to Hello Nurse, answers the phone. "Hello?" "Mornin ma'am," Yosemite says into the phone softly enough so that the other students can't overhear him. "I just got a message from principal Bugs sayin that you should take the rest 'a the day off, on account 'a you've bin workin so hard and all." "Really?" Hello Nurse exclaims. "But who will fill in for me?" Yosemite slyly grins. "I think you should have yer student nurse trainee fill in fer you today ma'am. I heard that she's quite experienced." Hello nurse looks puzzled as she responds into the phone "I'm not sure you heard right Mr. Yosemite. Elmyra is... well... special. But I'm not sure she's ready to tackle a real paitient yet." "Don't worry yer pretty little head about it, I'm sure she'll do a GREAT job of takin care of that rabbit." Yosemite snickered. "I mean... that poor hurt little bunny." "Well, alright, if you think so," Hello Nurse said as she hung up the phone. "I told you yer punishment would be worse rabbit, and I have a feelin it's gonna be just that." Yosemite chuckled to himself with an evil grin. He resumed his starting position reclining comfortably in his chair, reading his newspaper. "Alright y'all better listen up! I need a eight letter word fer the ship on Gilligan's Island!" Buster Bunny slowly strolls down the halls of Acme Looniversity towards the nurse's office. He takes it slow, not because Yosemite told him to, but because he wanted to enjoy his time away from class. "Why go through all the trouble of faking sick, and not even enjoy it?" he thought. Passing numerous classrooms, Buster could hear the various discussions taking place inside them. He instantly recognized the voice of Elmer Fudd, teaching the brain-numbingly boring subject of Toon Physics. "Now cwass, what is the answer to number fouwr?" he announced. The class didn't respond to the question at all, the sound of crickets fills the air. As Buster glances inside the room, he sees the tired, bored-out-of-their-mind faces of the other students. "Poor saps" he thinks, "If only they had this little baby." He holds up the nurse's pass in front of him, realizing that his teacher signed him out fifteen minutes ago! "Uh oh," he thought. "I'd better get down there quick. I can't believe I was wandering around for so long, time flies when you're skipping class!' So, Buster high tails it down to the infirmary in a fuzzy blue blur. When he reaches the door, he puts on the phony sick act before he walks in. First, he hunches over a bit, clenching his stomach, then he mades sure he put on the biggest puppy- dog eyes ever. He pulls out a mirror, "Boy I look pathetic. She'll probably let me lay down for the rest of the day, or better yet, let me go home!" He takes a deep breath and opens the door to see the smiling face of hello Nurse behind the desk. He walks over to her desk, which has a framed picture of Yakko, Wakko and Dot sitting on it. "Here's my pass" he says with a groan, as he slides the piece of paper across the desk. "You don't look so good, why don't you go lie down, hon?" Hello Nurse says as she leads Buster to one of the beds. After Buster lies down, she pulls the curtains that separates the beds, and turns around to the "mysterious" figure standing behind her. "The patient is in there, now be careful this time ok?" she says as she hands her Buster's pass. "Ok, Miss Nursie head. Hee hee hee" Elmyra replies. "I'm serious, Elmyra," Hello nurse says sternly. "Remember what happened to the last animal you treated?" Elmyra strained her peanut brain trying to remember. "Oh Yeah!" she exclaimed. "The kitty-cat with a fever-wever. Wasn't I supposed to put him in the freezer to cool him off?" Hello Nurse just stood there and stared at Elmyra for a second, absolutely in awe the someone could be so stupid. "I need to go back to Animaniacs," she mumbles to herself as she picks up her coat and purse to leave. Elmya watches as Hello Nurse exits the room. "Bye, bye," Elmyra waves after her. "Now, what little cuddley wuddley will I be caring for today?" Elmyra's jaw drops when she reads Buster Bunny's name on the pass. "Ooooo, the cute blue hippity-hop! He's so furry and cute and huggable. And this pass says that he's aaaaaall mine!!" Inside the curtain, Buster can't hear Elmyra because he has decided to finish where he left off back in class, catching a few zzzzz's. Elmyra tip toes to the curtain and opens it slightly. Trying to contain her excitement, she squeals with delight when she sees the sleeping bunny before her. She tip-toes even closer to him, this time sitting next to him on the bed. Her side of the bed sinks, causing Buster to roll off. He hits the floor with a loud "THUD" "W... what was that?" he stammered, picking himself off of the floor, rubbing his head that had just made contact with the linoleum. The little stars around his head put him in a daze for a while. Until finally, regaining his bearings, he realizes that he is staring into the face of his least favorite person, Elmyra! "What are YOU doing here?" he exclaims. "I'm here to make you all better, silly." Elmyra giggles, closing in on Buster. Buster looks closely at Elmyra. True, she wasn't wearing her usual attire, instead she had on a white outfit with a hat that had the red cross on it. "That doesn't prove anything." he thinks. "Maybe she's just trying to make a fashion statement. She IS wearing white, and it IS after Labor Day." Then he notices the name tag pinned to her shirt collar, it reads, "Elmyra Duff, assistant nurse." "Assistant nurse?" Buster exclaimes. "Yep," Elmyra says. "Isn't it great? Now I get to learn how to help hurt little cuddley wuddleys. AND," she continues, "NOW I get to help my favoritist cuddley wuddley of them all!!" Elmyra lunges towards Buster, but to no avail. He, being a rabbit with quick reflexes, hops out of the way in the nick of time. "Maybe skipping Yosemite's class wasn't such a good idea after all," he says, dodging Elmyra once again. Suddenly, Elmyra grabs Buster by the ankle. "Don't fight, bunny wunny, I need to cure you of your tummy ache!" "Scratch that," he continues. "It was a HORRIBLE idea to skip that class!" Elmyra cradles him in her arms and lays him back down on the bed. "Now wait here Mr. Hippity Hop." Elmyra heads off to the bookshelf, but before she does, she turns on the television. "You know what you need, bunny? Some TV. I know TV always makes me feel better." "What television shows do you watch, Elmyra?" Buster asked. "I want to know which one turned your brain the consistency of JELLO so that I can be sure to avoid it." "Are you hungry for JELLO, bunny? I can get you some if you want," Elmyra says smiling. "I think we have pudding too." Buster slaps his forehead. "She's too stupid to even understand jokes!" "Now what is the fuzzy head going to watch?" Elmyra asks herself as she flips through the channels. She finally stops on one. "Oh goodie! My favorite show is on!" "No... Not that... ANYTHING BUT THAT!" Buster cried as the TV screen blinked before him. "I love you, you love me, lets all get lobotomies!" The hideous purple dinosaur grinned stupidly. "Turn it off... Please turn it off!!" Buster again screamed, tying up his hears to muffle the annoying song. "Well I like the song," Elmyra shruggs her shoulders and flicks the TV off.. Heading back toward the bookshelf, she flips through various medical books, tossing them on the floor as she goes on. "Maybe this won't be so bad" Buster thought, untying his ears. "Maybe she'll give me some Pepto or a Tums and let me go." After pulling off every book off the shelf, Elmyra turns around to face Buster. "Well there's good news and bad news, nugglebunny. The bad news is that I've gone through every one of those stinky medical books, and none of them have a cure for my poor little snugglebunny." Buster stares at her as she makes her way through the piles of books toward him. "But the good news is," she continues, "that I have my own cure for curing bunny wunny tummy aches." "W... w... what is y ... your c...c... cure" his eyes begin to widen as Elmyra advances closer. "IT'S CUDDLES!!" she exclaims as she springs forth, about to put Buster in a death squeeze. "Noooooooooo!!" Buster screams at the top of his lungs, huddling into a corner, Elmyras ominous shadow looming over him. About the shower the quivering rabbit in cuddles, Elmyra hears a familiar voice behind her. "Elmyra!" it says sternly. Elmyra turns around to see the ghostlike figure of Hello Nurse, her hands on her hips, and foot tapping on the floor. "Hmmmm" Elmyra thought, backing away from Buster. "To cuddle, or not to cuddle, that is the question." Buster raises his eyebrow. "The pretty blonde head Nursie said that I can't cuddle aminals if they're sick." "Whew," Buster breathes a sigh of relief, wiping the sweat off his forehead. Elmyra looks down at the ground, admitting defeat. "Oh poo, I loose more patients that way." Suddenly, she raises up her head, a devilish grin slowly spreading across her face. Buster starts to panic again, he's seen that look before. It means that Elmyra has an idea, (which doesn't happen very often considering she's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.) "First I'll make you all better... THEN I'LL CUDDLE YOU INTO ITTY-BITTY PEICES!! Hee hee hee!!" Elmyra exclaimed. Looking like a deer about to be run down by a U Haul truck, Buster started to back away from Elmyra, fearing the impending doom about to befall him. There was only one thing he could think to say... "HELP!!!!!!" Meanwhile, back in Yosemite Sam's class, Yosemite had just finished collecting the pop quizzes. It had been impossibly hard of course, and he was armed with his red pen. Babs Bunny doodles on her notebook when her ears suddenly prick up. "Did any of you guys hear something?" she asks. The entire class, including Sam, strains to hear the noise that is growing ever closer. Suddenly, Buster flies through the door and into the classroom, locking the door behind him. "Alright, alright I give. I'll take the stupid quiz, just don't leave me in there with... with... HER!!" Buster is now groveling at Yosemite's feet. Plucky leans over to Babs. "Now you see, Babs, THAT'S groveling." "Oh shut up! Aren't you even worried about Buster?" she cried rising from her seat. She runs over to Buster's side. "What's wrong, Buster? Don't leave you in there with who?" Babs waits for a reply, but instead, is flattened by the door that comes crashing down on her. The entire class falls in silence as the figure in the doorway steps forward. "Has anybody seen my bunny?" Elmyra says sweetly, holding a thermometer in the air. "He needs his temperature taken, tee hee hee." Everyone trembles in fear of her presence. Not wanting to be pets themselves, they all point toward Buster, who is now attempting to escape through the third story window, his hair stands on end when he realizes that he's been spotted. Yosemite grabs him by the ears and hands the trembling rabbit to Elmyra. "Here ya go, darlin, enjoy!" Elmyra embraces Buster in a death grip, his eyes bulge out from the tremendous pressure. Elmyra started to skip gleefully out of the room. "And now I'm gonna take you home, and love you, and pet you, and dress you up like Britney Spears!" Babs had just freed herself from beneath the door when she stopped Elmyra dead in her tracks. "You're not going anywhere, Toots. Put the bunny down, and nobody gets hurt." "No way, Babsie wabsie!" she exclaimed. "Now that I have my precious bunnykins, he's gonna stay with me forever and ever till the end of time! Face it, he's mine now, hee hee hee!" Infuriated, Babs grabs a hold of Buster and begins to pull. Likewise, Elmyra pulls on the opposite end. Eventually, the force of the two pulling tears Buster in half!! Elmyra curls up on the floor and begins to sob profusely. "My cute little bunny... (sniff,sniff)... wunny. I was going to (sob) watch Olsen twin movies (sob, sniff) with him." "Wait a second," Babs picks up a piece of cotton that has fallen out of Buster's now decapitated head. "This isn't Buster, it's just a doll!" Elmyra lifts her head from her hands which are now drenched in tears. "W... w... what?" she sobs. "Then where is he?" "There he is!" announces Hamton, pointing to the unhinged doorway. Everyone turns to look at Buster, who is now standing in the doorway with Bugs Bunny, the principal of Acme Loo. Yosemite Sam cringes. "What do you want ya long eared galoot?" Bugs walks over to where Sam is sttanding, and stares straight into his eyes. "Eh, I hoid from a very reliable soise dat you was impoisenatin me Sam. Is dis true?" "I don't know where you git yer information from rabbit, cause I have no idear what yer talkin about." he said, nervously strumming his fingers on the desk. "Dat's strange" Bugs said, scratching the gray fur on the top of his head. "I seem to recall runnin into Hello Noisse a while ago. She tanked me for letting her off oiley. Do you have any idea what she meant by dat, Doc?" By now, everyone was staring at Sam, including Buster. "Wait a minute!" Buster exclaims. "YOU... you called Hello Nurse off today, just so I would be stuck with Elmyra!!" He points an accusing finger at Yosemite. "Do you know what she was gonna do with that thermometer? I'm not gonna tell you, because I don't think you wanna know!" Yosemite peers around the room at the angry faces of his students. Babs is on top of Elmyra, viciously clubbing her with 1,500 paged textbooks. "That's for strangling my boyfriend you red-headed psychopath" "Yeah, that's right. And I'd do it agin if I could!!" he snarls back. "You deserve what you git fer sleepin' in my class you ras-a-frac-in varmint!" Suddenly Bugs's look of anger turns in to look of confusion. "Could you repeat dat, Doc? Did yois just say dat Buster was sleepin in your class?" "You heard exactlly what I said you carrot crunchin critter. That prized student of yours was tryin to skip another one of my quizzes agin!" He counts on his fingers ."It's the third time this month!" Montana Max (you were wondering when he would show up right?) glances over at Buster's bookbag and spies a book peeking out of it. "Look what I found, principal Bugs!" he says as he leaps out of his chair and proudly presents the book before the gray rabbit. "Da Big Book of Lame Excuses To Use When Tryin to Get Out of a Pop Quiz," Bugs reads aloud as Buster slowly tries to sneak out of the door. "You ain't goin' nowhere, varmint," Sam snarled as he grabbed Buster by the shirt collar and dragged him back inside. Bugs sighs and lays the book down on the desk. "Why'd ya do it kid?" Buster looks up at Bugs and begins to explain when he hears a loud crunching sound behind him. He turns around to see Plucky Duck munching on popcorn, apparently entertained by the whole thing. "Thanks for the support, Pluck 'ol pal," Buster says sarcastically. "No problem," Plucky replies with a mouth full of popcorn. As he says this, a couple of kernels fall from his mouth and onto the floor. "Ewwww, like totally gross, er some junk", squeals Shirley when she spots the slightly slobbered on pop-corn chunks at her feet. Buster turns back to Bugs. "I'm really, really sorry. I know I shouldn't have lied like that, maybe I should've just faked sick better." Buster looks up at Bugs to see his reaction, noticing that there is none, he decides to continue. "I'll make up the quiz right now... and..." he strains his brain trying to think of the final words to his plea. "Oh yeah! I promise to never, ever, lie again", after he says this, he puts on the biggest, fakeist smile ever. Bugs puts his hand on Buster's shoulder. "Dat was really sincere and all kid... but... I'm afraid dat... well... " "But what, Bugs?" Buster asks impatiently. Bugs sighs and hands Buster the school handbook, it is turned to the Disciplinary Actions page. Buster reads aloud in horror. "If a student is caught cheating on a test quiz etc, or deliberately skipping a class to avoid a test, quiz, etc. The punishment is determined by the... TEACHER OF THE CLASS IN WHICH THE OFFENSE HAS TAKEN PLACE!!" Yosemite looks at Buster with an evil grin. "Looks like your numbers up, rabbit." "But... but..." Buster stammers. He looks around the room for a scapegoat. Suddenly, he spots Hamton who is quietly reading a book. He suddenly turns into a goat with a sign next to him that says, "Scapegoat- this way!" with an arrow pointing towards him. "It was him! HE put me up to it!" Buster exclaims, pointing toward Hamton. As he says this, Elmyra is dragging him out of the room. "Come on, Fuzzy wuzzy," she giggled. "I've got lot's of fun games for us to play! Hee hee hee!" "It was the pig, I tell ya. I'm just a pawn in his game of corruption!" Buster manages to free himself from Elmyras grasp. Realizing he doesn't have much time, he kneels down at Bugs's big feet and begs for forgiveness. "Oh mentor, Oh advisor, oh great one..." "Oh brother," Plucky mutters under his breath. "Pleeeeeeeease don't give me to Elmyra, Bugs," Buster continues to beg. "Is she really dat bad?" Bugs asks. "Let me put it this way," Buster began. "I would rather receive a tetanus shot everyday for the rest of my life then spend a day with her." "Oh I see," said Bugs, scratching his chin. "I would rather be thrown to a pack of rabid wolves then spend an hour with her," Buster continued. "Ok I get da point," Bugs says as Elmyra advances closer and closer to Buster. "I would rather be put in a drier on spin dry then spend a minute with her!" Buster is fading as Elmyra, who holds on tighly to his leg, again drags him out of the room. As Buster and Elmyra are about to leave the room, Buster, in one last attempt to free himself, grabs the doorframe and pulls himself back into the class. "How about I take another detention instead teach?" he asks Yosemite, straining at the weight of Elmyra tugging at him on the other side of the door. Instead of answering him, Yosemite pries Buster's fingers off the door until he flies backward into Elmyra's arms. "Hello my little snugglebunny," Elmyra says, squeezing him tightly. "What fun game do you wanna play first? Oooo! Oooo! I know! WE CAN WATCH THE FACTS OF LIFE RE-RUNS AND I CAN DRESS YOU UP LIKE BLAIR!! (Close up on Buster's fear strickin face) "Where's the Humane Society when you need em?" Thu....thee...thu....thee.....thu...thee....that's all folks! Note: No animals were harmed in the making of this fanfic: except of course for Buster, who, ever since his little endeavor with Elmyra, could never watch an episode of The Facts of Life, Full House, or look at a picture of Britney Spears ever again. I'm sorry if I offended any Plucky Duck fans out there. I realize that there was an episode of TTA where it was Plucky instead of Buster who faked sick and was sent to the nurse's office, only to find that Elmyra would be "caring" for him. I'm sure that you noticed the resemblance immediately, unfortunately for me, I discovered the resemblance AFTER I had written the story. It's hard to remember all of those episodes! Bunnies are cuter than ducks anyway. Who wrote this story? Could it be... SATAN!! No, but you're close. It's just little old me, Clare aka: Snugglebunny85 Oh, and by the way, the ship on Gilligan's Island was the S.S. Minnow. I wonder if Yosemite finished his crossword puzzle. If you have any feedback, good or bad, email me at kittygirl142@usa.net (if it's bad feedback, don't make it so mean that it makes me want to cry. * I'm sensitive *) Tagline: (Elmyra) "Let the show begin!"