A brief note from the writer: Well once again I've written a short bit of fluff just for the fun of it (although I would love to be employed as a cartoon writer) and just had to share it with you all. I just came up with a few short stories with a spooky common theme and put it all together. So without further fanfare I offer unto you... Tiny Toon Adventures Spooky Stories. Abel DuSable dusable@escape.ca It's night, and the camera pans across Buster's property from almost ground level. The music is low and menacing as we hear rustling from inside the garden on the edge of his property. Buster pops up out of his burrow dressed in a TTA nightshirt and cap with a flashlight and his tennis racket in hand. He pans the light over the lettuce and carrots as he approaches, racket held high. As he creeps to the center of his patch we catch glimpses of a white blur streaking from one shadow to the next. Buster's flashlight is always too late to catch it. He frowns, stamps his feet and raises his voice. Buster: All right! This is Buster Bunny! I don't know who you think you are but I'm the one who planted this patch of vegetables and I want to know who's been swiping them while my cottontail's been turned. I demand you show yourself! Buster hears a faint rustling from behind him and he turns to shine his flashlight down upon a sweet looking untoonlike white bunny rabbit. His face softens as he crouches down and puts his tennis racket on the ground. Buster: You're just a normal bunny, aren't you. Awww, I wouldn't have hurt you. I thought it was someone more toonish. Come on... I won't hurt you. (Buster offers the Bunny one of his own carrots) Here bunny, bunny, look what Buster has for you. Buster Nummy, num, num. As Buster offers the carrot the 'real' bunny timidly moves closer and wriggles it's nose as it sniffs the carrot. Then it's eyes glow a bright red as it grows bigger, sprouts claws and carnivorous teeth too big to fit in it's mouth as a low growly voice issues from it. Bunny BuZzzDErrr NuMMy Num nUM!!!! Buster looks over at the camera as his ears droop in terror and the 'Bunny' gets ready to pounce. Buster: Have you ever said something you immediately regretted? AHHHHHHHHHH! As the 'Bunny' attacks Buster, the camera pans away and all we can hear are it's inhuman growls and Buster's cries for help. A bolt of lightning overhead illuminates an old wooden sign over by the forest that reads... Abel DuSable Presents... Stephen Spielberg's Tiny toons in... Tiny Toon Adventures Spooky Stories The camera continues to pan away through the forest as a familiar white glove smacks against the sign and Buster's cries begin to fade into the distance. The trees part to reveal the cold sterling white walls of a hospital on a hill. The camera zooms in through an open window on the third floor into a office where Fifi LaFume and Babs Bunny are clad in candy stripers clothes. Granny, dressed as a nurse, stands before them with a clipboard speaking to them in an authoritarian manner. In the foreground, on a table, is a specimen jar with a label marked... "DON'T TOUCH" Granny: I'm so glad that you've volunteered to help us out at the hospital, Barbara Anne. Babs: That's Babs. Granny: Up until recently we haven't had many young people willing to help out as candy stripers. Fifi was the first in a long time and she's been such a great help to us. Babs: Well she certainly looks good in the uniform. Fifi: Babs! Shhh. Granny: Now let's see what's on the job rotation tonight. Oh my! Fifi will be working down in geriatrics. Won't that be fun? Fifi: Mais oui! Zey always seem zo friendly. Granny: And Babs will be working... oh dear. Babs: What? What is it? The scene changes to Granny, Babs and Fifi entering a small hospital room. A small heart monitor is connected up to the patient on the bed. The gaunt and very much unconscious, Mr Hitcher. The Monitor beeps with a slow steady rhythm as an IV drips on the other side of the bed. The only other piece of furniture in the room is a small chair by the door where the trio stands. Granny: Tonight Babs, you will be watching Mr Hitcher. Your job is to simply be in here watching him for your six hour shift. Babs: Just watch him? Is that everything? Granny: (Looming over Babs) That is the *ONLY* thing you do Babs! Nothing else! And under no condition are you to touch him at any time. Do I make myself clear? Babs: (Intimidated) Perfectly. Granny: Good. Let's go Fifi. It's sponge bath night in the geriatrics ward, and you know how much Mrs. Melnick looks forward to her sponge bath. Granny leaves the room and Fifi pauses a moment to look to Babs and whimper... Fifi: Babs... I wouldn't change jobs wis vous even eef eet meant 'aving to wash every old person in America. Babs: (looking worried) W-why's that? Fifi opens her mouth to answer when Granny calls her and she scampers out of the room. Granny: FIFI! Fifi: Coming Madmoizelle Granny! Babs watches her friend go... and then looks over at the silent Mr Hitcher, lying there on the bed. She checks her watch then looks at Mr Hitcher. She looks at the chair then at Mr Hitcher. She walks over to the chair then turns to look at Mr Hitcher as she climbs into it. Babs stares at him and makes a nervous laugh. Babs: A-Heh. Guess it's just you and me, Huh? Hitcher just lies there Babs: Oh... I get it. The tall, gruesome, silent type. I can live with that. Hitcher just lies there. Babs: Hecklers I can handle but this... Guess I'm on my own. With only the slow steady beep of the heart monitor to accompany her, Babs goes into a montage of time wasting activities. Playing solitaire on the floor, playing with a paddleball, making shadow puppets on the wall but every time she looks over at the inert form of Mr Hitcher. She finally sits in the chair twiddling her thumbs. With a sigh she checks her watch and smiles. Babs: Ten to quitting time! Finally I can bid Mr. creepy goodbye! I wonder why we're not supposed to touch him? Babs looks around and no one is in the room. She looks outside the door and no one is there either. She checks his clipboard. Babs: Nothing in here to say he shouldn't be touched. No communicable conditions... and there's nobody around... no cameras. Babs chews her lip as she looks at Mr. Hitcher and finally makes her decision. She steps forward... reaches out and with one solitary finger... barely brushes the back of his hand before jerking her arm back and looking about guiltily. Nothing happens and she grins happily. Babs: I knew there was nothing to it. Babs turns around and walks over to the door to peer outside when she hears a faint rustle followed by two wet slaps, like liver hitting linoleum. Suddenly the regular beeping of the monitor turns into the constant whine of heart failure and she whips around to see the gaunt almost lifeless form of Mr Hitcher standing there in his gown with the monitor wires in his hand. His expressionless eyes stare at her as he takes one shambling step forwards. The wet liver sound accompanying it, then another with the same wet noise. Step by unsteady step he walks towards Babs with his bony hands outstretched in classic zombie fashion. The Rabbit's eyes well up with fear at the sight of the corpse-like human advancing on her. With a cry of terror she scrambles out of the room into the hall, slipping and clambering across the slick hospital floor in a desperate attempt to escape. Mr Hitcher continues his steady pace tracking the rabbit with eerily perfect precision. Babs reaches the elevator and madly presses the buttons for an elevator. As the display shows the elevators getting closer and closer so does Mr Hitcher. Babs: Come on! Come on! The scarecrow-like figure reaches out for her and in sceaming in panic she ducks between his legs to escape. Even as she dashes down the hall he turns to follow in the same necromatic shambling manner. The moment Hitcher and Babs are out of sight around the corner the Elevator doors open to reveal Granny and a disgusted looking Fifi Talking to one another. Fifi: Eef I evaire see anozer corn again eet weel be too soon! Granny: Oh it's not so bad. Tell you what I'll treat you to dinner in the cafeteria. What do you say? Fifi: Really? What is ze special today? Granny: (Checks clipboard) Creamed Corn Fifi looks like she's about to get sick. As her cheeks bulge and she slaps her hand over her mouth the door to the elevator closes. Meanwhile Babs crouches in the dark recesses of a broom closet, shivering in fright as she hears Mr Hitcher's awful wet-sounding walk getting closer and closer and then stopping. The door creeks noisily as it opens slowly to reveal Mr Hitcher's gruesome pale face staring down at her. Babs presses herself into the far corner as those bony hands reach for her. She closes her eyes and whimpers. Babs: No... please! I didn't mean to touch you I'm so sorry! Very sorry... Please don't... Please! The hands continue to reach forward, closer... And closer... And closer... When he lightly touches the top of her head Hitcher: Tag! You're it! Babs: (Perking an eye open) Uh? Mr Hitcher giggles like a schoolgirl and dances down the hallway as Babs comes out of the closet. She looks down the hall and laughs. Babs: Heh... Who knew? Babs rolls up her sleeve and runs after Mr Hitcher with a single finger held up high in the air. Babs: (laughing playfully) Olly olly oxen free! You can't hide from me! As babs goes off in search of her quarry the camera turns to an open window, the night's breeze making the white curtains flutter strongly. The curtains obscure the camera for an instant and in that moment there's a flash of lightning with the roll of thunder and the curtain reverses color to black and the camera pulls back to reveal the setting has changed. The Black curtain is now Plucky's Carnival Barker outfit as he calls out to the crowd surrounding his podium. The setting has become that of a Twisted Carnival full of garish colors, leering clowns, menacing rides and the slightly demented tune of a calliope accompanies it all. Plucky: Laaaaadies and Gentlemen, for your approval tonight at the Carnival Macabre. I, your humble host, present unto you all the thrills, spills and chills you could ask for. Come to our cavalcade of rides and amusements! Attempt to navigate the true path through our hall of mirrors, challenge your sanity in our Fun House. Are you brave enough to ride "MOUNT RUSTMORE", the worlds largest and... oldest functioning roller coaster? Quick pan to a huge, horribly rusted Rollercoaster. A piece of track falls away before the camera zip pans back to Plucky Plucky ...And I use the word "functioning" tentatively. Heh heh And after the amusements, if you have the stomach for it, take a trip to our concession stands. There feel free to gorge yourself on our Candied Apples, Hot Dogs, Ice Cream, Candy Floss, Caramel Apples and the ever popular Butter on a Stick. Plucky brandishes a Butter on a Stick as well as his cane as he moves past the concession area to... the sideshow where he stops by various carnival posters at the tents. Plucky: And when you are finished eating... come, like lambs to the slaughter, to our glorious Sideshow! Surround yourselves in our galleries of the bizarre! See... Boo! The Chicken who walks like a man! (Stands before a Chicken Boo poster) Bear witness to... the oldest squirrel alive! (Stands before a Slappy poster) Skippy: (from somewhere in the crowd) That's my Aunt Slappy! Slappy: (From somewhere in the tent) Don't knock it Skippy! This is paying for my new hotrod. Plucky: AHEM! Gaze in terror at... the Warners! The fiends without a species! The crowd gasps as Plucky stands before a poster with Yakko, Wakko and Dot on it. A woman shrieks and Plucky moves on. Plucky: Next up is the duo of Logic and Magic. Match wits with The Brain! Smartest man... ur... mammal on earth! Or if you need lighter fare, witness the impossible feats of magic from the great Pinkini! Master of the sorcerous arts! Zip pan to Pinky and the Brain. Brain is in his human suit dressed like a Swami (comically enourmous turban) while Pinky dressed like a wizard, stands on a stool and fiddling with a rope. The camera pulls back and we see Pinky's rope is attached to a Guillotine with a tied up Spielberg in the victim's position. Pinky: Oh this is Jolly good fun, eh brain? NARF! I feel just like some spooky wizardry guy doing this. Spielberg: Look, I keep telling you guys, I *DIDN'T* have anything to do with Pinky and the Brain and Elmyra! Brain: Calm yourself Mr Spielberg. This is a mere illusion. Not even Pinky can possibly foul this act of misdirection. Pull the cord Pinky! Pinky: Righty-o Brain! Abra-Ka-Troz! Pinky pulls the cord and the Blade falls... and Stephen's head rolls into the basket. Pinky looks embarrassed while the Brain looks annoyed. Brain: Pinky... You *DID* read the instructions as I instructed, did you not? Pinky: Oh yes Brain! Here they are! Pinky holds "Safe Magic for complete and utter morons" up to the Brain with a smile, unaware that the book is upside down. From in the basket, Spielberg's voice is heard. Spielberg: Oh... this is just great. Somebody get George on the phone, maybe the boys at ILM can fix this. The camera zip pans back to a horrified Plucky who gives a nervous chuckle and regains his original Barker Gusto. Plucky: Heh heh... The lesson is something unexpected *ALWAYS* happens in a sideshow. Moving right along... meet our star sideshow attraction. She's Mysterious... she's Mystical... she's beautiful... She's the one, the only... Madame Shirley. Mistress of the Psychic Planes. Plucky stands before a royal purple tent embroidered in golden moons and stars. Above the tent flap a large sign hangs with the words... "MADAME SHIRLEY. PAST LIVES DIVINED, FUTURES FORETOLD, SPIRITS CHANELLED FROM BEYOND" Plucky: And wise enough to become girlfriend to yours truly. Heh heh. From the sky a bolt of bright blue lightning strikes Plucky reducing him to a charred mass. As he falls over backwards the camera angle shows only the entrance to the tent and the last two words on the sign... "FROM BEYOND" Inside the tent, Shirley floats behind her crystal ball. Clad in gypsy-like clothing and heavy jewellery she listens to the wailing cry of Elmyra who stands dressed in the traditional mourning dress of a widow. Elmyra: WAAAAHHHHHHH! My poor Monty Wonty! WAHHHHHHH! Shirley: Like, tone down the bummer vibes Elmyra and start at the beginning, or some junk. Elmyra: *SNIFF* My Poor Monty died last week, leaving me all alone! Shirley: Woah. Like, total bummer. How did it happen? Elmyra: The doctors said it was from a combination of mental trauma, internal haemorrhaging and skeletal fractures due to an excessive overdose of ardent embraces. I think it means he had a cold. Shirley: Sh'Yeah... whatever. So, let me guess. You like, totally want me to call his spirit from beyond in a séance? Elmyra: Oh Yes! Please! Shirley: Then cross Madam Shirley's palm with silver oh eager seeker of lost souls... or any major credit card. Money is exchanged and Shirley places her hands on the Crystal Ball. The room darkens and vaguely spiritual forms dance about in the shadows (Like in raiders of the lost ark) as she moans to the spirits in a mystical manner. Shirley: Oh hear me great spirits of those hence past. OooooOOOOooooh! I Totally seek the ghost of Montanna Max. oOOOOooOOoOOOOOOoooh! The white ghostly image of Max appears before them floating and looking rather annoyed until he spots Elmyra. He then moves upwards to float just out of her reach. Max: Whattaya want? I was busy and AHHHH! Elmyra! Keep away from me! Elmyra: (Trying to reach him) Oh Monty. I was so lonely without you... Max: Why? You knew it was "Till death do us part"! Why can't you leave me in peace? Elmyra: But Monty, I missed you. I wanted to see you again. Max: Hey! I don't haunt the living, why do you insist on haunting dead? Shirley: Ghost-boy like, totally has a point there. Elmyra: Oh Monty. Are you truly happy being dead? Max: Happy? Sure I'm happy! There is an afterlife you know. Yeesh! Elmyra: Happier than you were with me? Max: Oh *MUCH* happier! Elmyra: Oh Monty! I'm so happy for you! Heaven must be a wonderful place! Max: Heaven? I'm not in heaven! Shirley falls backwards in shock, falling to the floor. Elmyra looks confused for a moment then her jaw drops. The camera close-ups on the glowing crystal ball and it dissolves into the full moon over the landscape. The camera pans down from the moon to Buster's garden where only shreds of his shirt and one ragged glove can be found. Three figures in black trench coats and wide brimmed hats crouch in the garden examining the carnage. One of them stands up holding up the glove on the end of a pencil. Shadowy Stranger 1: We were too late. It's already begun attacking. I told you we shouldn't have stopped for take-out! The other two figures hunch their shoulders in an embarrassed manner and back away slightly. Shadowy Stranger 1: All right, I'll admit those burritos certainly hit the spot but we've already lost ground to... *IT*. Thunder rolls and lightning strikes dramatically upon the word "IT". The second figure motions to some tracks on the ground and the trio crouch about them. Shadowy Stranger 1: Good work. *IT* (lightning/thunder flash) seems to be moving on an easterly trajectory. That would mean that *IT*(lightning/thunder flash) will be traveling along... Burrow lane. If we hurry we might still catch *IT* (lightning/thunder flash) before *IT* (lightning/thunder flash) can destroy any more lives. The trio stand there for a moment looking up at the sky when the first figure gestures up at the roiling clouds and shouts out... Shadowy Stranger 1: *IT*! *IT*! *ITITITITIT*! Nothing happens and the first figure shrugs and the trio walk off screen. Once off screen the lightning flashes and the thunder cracks seven times in rapid succession. The first figure runs back and points at the sky and shouts... Shadow Stranger 1: I SAW THAT! The three figures pile into a large Black Sedan similar to the one from MIB and begin driving towards the camera. The headlights 'blind' the screen for a moment before we see the taillights of a Yellow VW Beetle driving away from the camera. The car passes a very old and worn out billboard for a Garage and the camera zooms in on it. The lightning flashes and asides from a faded picture of a grinning rat in a smart looking Attendant's uniform with a monkey wrench in hand the only discernable words left on the billboard are... "CAR PROBLEMS?" Inside the car are Sphinxy and Bimbette in the front seats and Binky Bunny in the back, all dressed in acme Loo Cheerleader uniforms. As Sphinxy drives the car down the road, the trio talk and laugh. Sphinxy: And then I said to her... "Oh yeah? You and which pantheon?" (Laughs) Bimbette: (Laughing) Oh Sphinxy! You are so funny! Binky: (giggles then stops) Was that a joke? That was a joke right? I don't get it... Sphinxy: Nevermind Binky... just read the map to us. Binky: Oh... 'Kay. As Binky unfolds the map and tries to decipher it, Sphinxy rolls her eyes and continues to drive. Sphinxy: How did she ever get to be a cheerleader? She can hardly spell. Bimbette: Well... she does fill out the usual requirements. Sphinxy: If by 'requirements' you mean the uniform then you have a point. Bimbette: Have you ever seen what she wears to the beach? Sphinxy: I've seen what she doesn't wear to the beach. The two girls giggle in a conspirative manner as Binky pops up between the two of them with the map in her hands bringing their joke to an end. Binky: What are you two laughing at? Bimbette: Just you Binky. Know where we're heading yet? Binky: Almost... I had the map upside-down all along. Isn't that silly? Sphinxy: Oh yeah. Really silly. Go back to reading, Binky. Binky: Hee hee. 'Kay. Bimbette: Would you tell me why we have her navigating? Sphinxy: Because, we can at least plot her airheadedness. If she says left, then we go right. If she says right then we go left. It's how she thinks. If you ask me, you should have gotten the name "Binky" and her the name "Bimbette". I mean you're pretty good looking and sweeter than honey not to mention the Marilyn Monroe voice but you have at the very least average intelligence. Bimbette: I know. I never stood a chance. Binky: Ok... I think we turn right at the next... uh, crossroads. Sphinxy: You're sure? Binky: Yeah... I think so. Sphinxy: Right it is. The car reaches the next intersection and abruptly turns left down te dirt road, driving over a sign lying on the ground that reads "Asylum service road" Binky: I think I said turn right. Sphinxy: We just turned right Binky. Binky: Oh... 'Kay. The car continues down the road, the sky completely clouding over cutting off all the moonlight. Then the headlights flash over something big and shadowy in the middle of the road. The three cry out as Sphinxy swerves to avoid hitting whatever it is. The car misses the figure and spins several times before coming to a stop by the side of the road. The three look totally shell shocked before Bimbette asks... Bimbette: Is everyone all right? Binky: I think so... Sphinxy: I'm fine. Whatever that was it's gone now... I suppose we should concider ourselves lucky we're alive, unhurt and the car is ok. A loud hissing noise fills the air as the car develops a lisp to port and every one suddenly frowns. In the next scene the car is jacked up and Bimbette is removing the nuts on the flat tire and puts them into the hubcap that Binky's holding. Sphinxy rolls the spare over to the work area. Sphinxy: Here we are in the middle of nowhere changing a tire and behind schedule for getting back home. I hate 'Away' games. Why can't The "Amazing Three" go on the road with the team? Bimbette: Because they're the 'home' team. They have duties and responsibilities that prevent them from going on 'away' games. We don't. Sphinxy: Yeah... but if Binky here hadn't have wanted to go shopping before we left we'd be home by now. Bimbette: Things could be worse. Sphinxy: How could they be worse? Binky suddenly falls over sending the nuts flying in the air and into the water-filled ditch. He rubs her butt as she moans. Sphinxy: You all right Bink? Binky: Yeah... I fell on my butt when I tripped on this... wood. Binky holds up an old sign that reads "Asylum Property. No trespassing We really mean it." Bimbette and Sphinxy stare wide eyed at the sign, then turn to stare at one another and in a hushed tone Sphinxy says... Sphinxy: Work faster Bimbette. Bimbette nods and removes the last nut and hauls the damaged tire off of the wheel and rolls it to the side. Sphinxy grunts and slides the spare into place as Bimbette puts the first of the five nuts on and turns to Binky with an outstretched hand. Bimbette: Gimmie the nuts Bink. Binky: (Holding up the empty hubcap) Oops? Sphinxy: OOOPS? Binky: Sorry? Bimbette: We're missing four nuts out of the five that go on the tire? What do we do now? From out of the shadows a figure in a tattered (And unfastened) straightjacket steps out. Seen only from the back it lurches towards the girls who look at it and shriek in terror and group behind the car. Bimbette brandishes the tire iron in her shaking hand. The figure holds up one arm and the long sleeve falls up the forearm revealing a hook instead of a hand. The girls shriek again when Sphinxy asks... Sphinxy: W-who are you? What do you want? The figure steps fully into the light given off by the headlights and we see Dizzy Devil waving his prosthetic limb in a friendly manner. Dizzy: Hi... Me see you have problem with missing nuts. Why for you not take one nut from each of other tire and then all tire have four nuts on them? The three girls stare at Dizzy... then at each other before goining into a huddle. Bimbette: Would that work? Sphinxy: It might. It makes sense. Binky: What makes sence? Sphinxy and Bimbette: Hush Binky. Quick montage of the three taking nuts from the other tires and putting them on the spare, ending with them happily in the car talking to Dizzy who stands by the roadside. Sphinxy: Thanks for the assist. Bimbette: Yeah. How did you figure out that nut thing? Dizzy: Just 'cause me crazy, not mean me dumb. The three girls wave to Dizzy as they drive off into the night and he waves back until he notices Vinnie the deer walking past in farmer's clothes pushing a wheelbarrow full of dung. Dizzy: Who you? Vinnie: I'm the farmer who lives just up the road from the asylum. Dizzy: Oh. What you got in wheelbarrow? Vinnie: Horse dung. Dizzy: What for you got horse dung in wheelbarrow? Vinnie: I'm a gonna spread it on my strawberries. Dizzy looks shocked and then begins trudging up towards the Asylum on the hill muttering all the way. Dizzy: (Muttering) Dizzy put sugar on his and they lock Dizzy up... It begins to rain and the camera pans up to the night sky to watch the raindrops fall. The camera then pans back down to the earth... specifically Babs' burrow. Fifi and Babs share an umbrella as they arrive at the sidewalk to the hole. Babs: Thanks for sharing the umbrella Feef. You wanna come in out of the damp for a hot cocoa or something? Fifi: Mai oui. I would love that Babs. Babs and Fifi walk over to the burrow entrance when something huge, blue and hairy erupts from the hole in the ground, ruining it and landing in front of the two girls, growling. They shriek in terror and drop the umbrella. Fifi: Oh Babs! Eet is terrible! Eet is 'orrible! Eet... Eet... Babs: (Looking puzzled) It's Buster? The camera swings to look at the horrible thing snarling at them. It does look a lot like Buster... if he gained about 800 lbs of solid muscle and switched from vegetarian to demonic carnivore. It begins advancing on them and they slowly back away. Babs: Quick Feef! Spray him! Fifi grabs her tail and aims it at Buster only to have it sag in her hands and emit only a tiny puff of green smoke. Fifi: Zut alors! Zis theeng ees useless when wet! Babs: Buster? I know you're in there somewhere. I don't know what happened to you but I know that deep... deep... deep down there has to still be the sweet Blue Bunny that once touched me in that special way. Buster grabs Babs and Fifi, picking them up in each powerful claw, almost crushing the life out of them then and there. Fifi: UNNnGH! Call me ze pessimist but zis does not feel like ze 'special way' vous wanted! A shrill whistle breaks the moment and Buster turns around to see the three Shadowy figures from his garden. The leader steps forward and gestures at him. Shadowy Figure 1: Hey! Mister Bad-Hare Day! You want to terrorise toons? The trio whip off their Trench coats and hats to reveal Calamity, Furrball and Abel DuSable all dressed up like Blade. Abel: Then come get some. Buster drops Fifi and Babs and charges at this new threat. A series of dramatic shots as the monstrous Buster surges forward towards Abel and his comrades who valiantly stand their ground. Buster makes one final leap at Abel... and is smacked down to the ground when Abel whips out a rolled up newspaper. Buster lies in a heap at Abel's feet and reverts to normal as Fifi and Babs approaches them. Buster: I'm just gonna lie here if that's alright with you... Babs: A rolled up newspaper? Calamity: Yes. The secret weakness of the legendary HARE-WOLF. Fifi: 'ARE-WOLF? Furrball: A lethal combo of the worst traits of Wolves... and rabbits. Babs: You're kidding. And a rolled up newspaper changes them back to normal? Abel: Well... it has to be the weekend special edition. See all the inserts? Calamity: Just be thankful it wasn't a Spampire we had to deal with. Babs: A what? Furrball: A vampire pig. Babs: Will you guys stop that! This is getting ridiculous! Abel: Well there are no known Spampires around here. Binky has slain them all for us. Babs: Binky? Binky Bunny? IQ the same as a clod of dirt Binky? Abel: Hey. In many cases intelligence has no bearing on talent. Just watch MTV sometime. Fifi: Binky ze Spampire slayer? Babs: ARRRGH! Abel: We'd love to stand around talking all night but we still have to stop... *IT*. Lightning strikes behind a bush accompanied by a loud squeal! The charred remains of the original Hare-Wolf from the beginning of the show, land in Abel's hands. He and his team look at the inert creature and smile. Abel: Mission accomplished! Everyone cheers and enters Babs' burrow just as the camera pans up towards the sky. The rain ceases and the clouds part to reveal the stars forming the words... "THE END" Cast: Buster Bunny John Kassir Babs Bunny Tress MacNeille Plucky Duck Joe Alasky Shirly McLoon Gail Mathius Abel DuSable His Creator Fifi LaFume Kath Soucie Bimbette Kath Soucie Binky Bunny Tress MacNeille Sphinxy Kath Soucie Calamity Coyote Lance Henrikson Furrball Cat Will Smith Vinnie the Deer Wesley Snipes Dizzy Devil Maurice LeMarche This is not a secret message. Stinger: Calamity: Boy what a night... I'm really beat. Binky: Hee hee... and I'm Binky Bunny, no relation. Calamity: Shoot me...