**********Animeniacs: Sailor Toon
********************By Karen Tindall, Dec. '95**********
     It was a bright and sunny morning as the girl stepped onto the
Warner Bros lot, her golden hair gleaming.  She looked like she was
in her young teens, and wore a long flowing robin eggs blue sun
dress, her hair divided into ponytails that swished behind her as she
walked was moving about confused as though she was looking for
someone.  Eventually, she sat down alone and forlorn on a bench.
     "HellOOOOOOO, nurse!!" cried the Yakko and Wakko,
suddenly leaping from her pockets on the front of her smock-like
skirt.
     Serena jumped and fell clumsily forward off of the bench.  Once
she opened her eyes and got a good look at the two grinning boys,
she got back up.
     "What ... exactly are you?" Serena asked.
     Yakko and Wakko put on blank expressions.  "Foreigners,"
Yakko sighed.
     "We're the Warner brothers!" they exclaimed.
     "And that was my entrance cue," Dot said, appearing from
behind them.  She cleared her throat.  "AND the Warner sister!!"
she added brightly.
     "So, what're ya doin' here, Goldilocks?" Yakko asked Serena,
leaning on his elbow against her shoulder.
     "Well," Serena told them, her blue eyes wide, "I seem to be
lost."   Serena sighed deeply dropping her eyes.
     "Now don't you worry," Yakko said, trying to sound re-assuring. 
     "Yeah!!  By the way -- 'Serena' is it?  Hi. -- What exactly is the
statement you are trying to make with your hair?" Dot asked.  "I
mean, this pony tail and little bun combo ... it's just not happenin'."
     "Do you think so?" Serena asked.  "Hmm.  My ex used to call
me 'meatball head.'"
     "Meatball head!!" Wakko repeated, and started salivating, staring
at her hair and imagining it to be long strands of spaghetti with two
meatballs at the roots.  He grabbed one of the long tresses and was
about to chomp down on it, when Dot rescued it  at the last moment
by yanking it away.
     "I think that turned him on more than anything else you could
have possibly done!"  Yakko told Serena.
     "Hmmm ... that meatball hair ... just like Sailor Moon's..." Dot
mused.  Then she gasped. "You're Sailor Moon!!"
     "Oh what a terrific disguise.  I totally couldn't tell you were
Sailor Moon," Yakko said sarcastically.
     "Ohhhh, Sailor Moon!" Dot cried, giving the shocked Serena a
huge hug.  "You're my faaaaavorite super-heroine!"  In fact, I have
my OWN Sailor Scouts team!!"  Dot jumped to her feet and spun-
changed into a little pink sailor suit and started to sing:
     Being zany by moonlight,
     Escaping the Tower by daylight
     Never fleeing from a gross sight!  (In stepped Ralph, sweaty and
shoving doughnuts in his face "Like That!" Dot added,)
     She is the one named Sailor Toon!
     She has really weird over sized eyes!
     She doesn't have a good disguise,
     But she's the one who drools on all the guys!
     She is the one named Sailooooooooooooooooor --
     Sailor Venus!  (Hello Nurse appeared wearing an orange skirt,
but missing her arms!)
     Sailor Mercury!  (Babs Bunny jumped in wearing a toga, blue
pleated skirt, and winged sandals.)
     Sailor Biker Mouse from Mars!  (In stepped Throttle, sheepishly
holding a red pleated skirt.)
     Sailor Jupitep!  (A spotlight turned onto Slappy Squirrel,
squashed into a green skirt and looking very dangerous!)
     Her Tooney powers are so new to her!  ("Aren't you glad she
tried to rhyme Jupitep um ... Jupiter instead of Venus?" Babs
asked.)
      She is the one named Sailor Toon!
     Being zany by moonlight,
     Escaping the Tower by daylight
     She whines a lot when she's not right!
     She is the one named Sailor Toon!
     She is the one named Sailor Toon!
     She is the one -- Sailor Toon!!!
      
     The Sailors all struck a dramatic pose, while Serena just stared at
them horrified.  
     "And I can be Sailor Moon!" Wakko cried in falsetto, "Because
I'm not wearing any PANTS!!"  And he turned around and bent
over to show Serena.
     Serena's face slowly crumpled, and she started to give out a high
pitched wail.
     Yakko, still seated next to her, began to look concerned.  "Aw,
don't cry," he said tenderly.  "We do have one treat in store for you
... Tuxedo Mask!"
     Serena immediately shut off the water works, "Tuxedo Mask!! 
Ooooh, I love him!  He is so handsome ..."
     Just then someone tapped her on the shoulder and Serena slowly
turned around, her eyes in the shapes of large pink hearts, only to
see ...
     The Mask standing beside her wearing a cheap blue tux. 
"Sssssssssmokin'!!" he cried.
     Serena started to scream, and she stood up and bolted away,
leaving only a trail of dust.
     The toons just looked at each other perplexed.  
     "I will never understand Anime," Dot said, rubbing her chin.
     "Come on, let's follow her!" Wakko cried.
     "YEAH!" the group echoed, and ran after the wailing Serena
down the street.
     Email: KJTDot@aol.com