[1.3.1]
This story was in part, oddly enough, inspired by two episodes of "Deep
Space Nine" and "High Incident" (don't ask, I saw them at work)  The
common theme was of reluctance... that got me to thinking, what if there
was a reluctant toon?  This, combined with my wanting to do a Tiny Toons
story, for no apparent reason, led to this disaster, er piece.  Thanks to
Richard Fox, Dolphin Dave, and Plucky Warner for their input on early
drafts and especially to Neuracnu Coyote, Sylvester Fox and Kevin Mickel
for their invaluable editting suggestions.

All Tiny Toon characters and related locations are (c) copyright 1997
Warner Brothers and Amblin Entertainment and are used without permission.
Story and original characters (c) copyright 1997 Bryan Chaney.

and now our feature presentation....
				A Reluctant Toon
				by Bryan Chaney 
			   [wbwolf@darkwing.uoregon.edu]

	I wasn't always like this, you know.  Sure, I always liked 
cartoons, maybe a little too much.. but still, this?  Maybe if I started 
at the beginning it would make some more sense.  I don't know; it never
did for me.
	I was going to Massive State University, and frankly wasn't doing
to well.  Of course, it would've help if I bothered to go to class.  I had
just moved away from my parents, got an internet connection and well, I
was feeling my liberation.  It felt surprisingly good to spend nights
on-line until 6 in the morning.  Then I would sleep through classes, get
something to eat, and then start all over again.  By the time spring
rolled around I was getting a wondrous 0.5 GPA.
	One of the reasons for my downfall was IRC--you know, where you 
can literally chat with people in real time from all the around the world? 
I was talking to people and doing some role play on there and, to be
frank, I was hooked.  Sad to say, I've been a, well, a geek and a fanboy,
for most of my life, and just haven't had much in the way of social
interaction.  Pretty pathetic, wouldn't you say?  But, on IRC I found a
bunch of people who shared my own brand of "misery" and, sort of like a
junkie, had to get more and more.
	But, hey, I could do worse, couldn't I?
	It was about 2 am one night and somehow the subject came up about
what life would be like as a toon.  Now, personally, I would role play a
little, but not that much.  There were some people on that channel that
would role play constantly and then there was others that wouldn't at all;
we had all types.  The role playing people were saying how, yeah, it would
be really cool to be a toon, even for a day.  The non-roleplaying people
were saying, "Yeah, but..." or just staying away from it all together.  I
got into a little bit of a friendly argument with a good friend of mine on
the West Coast, who happened to role play all the time: 

<Jamie>	I still don't think that being a toon would be all that
	great...
<Felina> Whadd'ya mean? You can do things like this...
* Felina ehaps you
<Jamie>	Big deal, you hit me with your tail.... but a toon is just ink &
	paint.  They have no life of their own.
<Felina> Oh, I forget, you aren't a drooler... ]:o>
* Jamie sticks his tongue out at you "Darn right!" :)
<Jamie>	Seriously, I like animation; I like the stories, I appreciate the
	art, I find the characters fascinating.  But, to *be* a toon?
<Felina> You never know until you find out...
<Jamie>	fat chance...

	The conversation moved onto other things, but it remained in the
back of my head.  Silly, or so I though at the time, but I was wondering
what it would really be like.  I messaged "Felina" about it sometime 
later.  "Her" response was, "Well, if you were a toon, you'd could enroll 
at Acme Loo and do a lot better at school ]:oD"  Thanks a lot.  Then
again, she was probably right.
	Soon after, I decided to call it a night.  Well, morning.  It was
5 am.
*****
Dear Diary:
	It's only a week to the Senior Prom, and I can't wait.  Buster's
getting pretty nervous, I can tell; he's already got the corsage (tucked
in the fridge I hope; Blueboy can be such a ditz at times) and he and
Plucky have been talking about tuxedo rentals at lunch.  Shirl, Feef and I
have been going after class to the mall trying to find out which dress to
wear.  Since this is our last year here, I want to make this a night to
remember.  Fifi is still peeved at Hamton because he still hasn't asked
her out yet.  The two of them have been going to the prom for 3 years now
and for Hambone to stiff this time doesn't sound good.  Wonder what's
going on?
	Your faithful servant,
	Barbara Ann Bunny
*****
	When I floated back to the conscious world, I knew something had
changed.  For starters, my bed usually didn't have rocks in it.  
Secondly, my room is usually better insulated against drafts. Scared, I
opened my eyes.  Before me was a small cave, dry, fortunately, with a few
pieces of furniture scattered about.  It sort of reminded me of Dizzy
Devil's cave from "Tiny Toon Adventures," but smaller, with not as many
tree roots.  I looked down to see what I was sleeping on and saw a dark
furred paw.  Frightened even further, I pulled back from it, but it
followed me.  Blinking a bit, I raised my hand in front my eyes.  The paw
moved at my will.  My hand--er, paw--now had four fingers and was covered
in short dark brown fur down to my wrist.  The rest of my arm was covered
in somewhat longer russet colored fur. Panicking, I spied a mirror on the
dresser and rushed over to it, fearing something almost unholy had
happened.
	Before me stood a cartoon fox, about 4'5" tall, with dark colored
"gloves", russet fur all over except for some cream color on the muzzle 
and the chest.  I knew it was a cartoon, because the proportions seemed
unnatural, yet, there stood the figure, in full three-dimensions.  I felt
behind me on a whim and grabbed onto the tail.  Yeowch!  Unfortunately,
that was real, and attached to me.  I noticed, also, I had no clothes on,
yet was not naked.  Taking a deep breath, I looked at my feet.  They were 
covered in dark colored fur, with only three toes.
	I reached up to touch my face.  A chill shot up my spine as my
index finger stopped short after bumping into the bottom of a short
muzzle.  My eyes grew wider and wider as I ran my finger further along the
snout, away from my face, finally peaking over the edge of a slightly
moist, black nose.  I shot my hand down and stared back at the mirror
again.  Carefully, I traced again the edge of my face with a tenative
finger up to my ears and lightly pinched the darker furred tips.  I winced
slighly at the pain from the sensetive organ.  I opened my muzzle and saw
I had sharp fangs at the front of my muzzle.  The pains of before, the
sensations I was feeling were too real for a dream.
	Panic rose in my chest.  "I'm a fox," I breathed.  "I am a toon
fox. I dunno how, I dunno why, but..."  I babbled incoherently.  Numbly, I
flopped down on the edge of the bed and began to cry.  For the next few
hours all I could think, all I could say was "I am not me" and look at some
part of... me.
******
	It was middle of the afternoon before I came to my senses again. 
I looked around and noticed a closet.  Inside was a green vest, which I
put on.  I may be a toon now, but I had a little sense of decorum left. 
Amazingly, I didn't trip over my tail.  As long as I didn't think about
it, I didn't anyway.
	The sun was starting to shine into my... den, I guess you could
call it.  'I suppose I should see where I'm at,' I thought.  With that, I
peeked my nose out and looked at my surroundings.  I must have been in
some remote section of the forest.  Cartoonists' impression of trees, made
real and three dimensional, were grouped around me, with a clear path
running between them.  I took a deep breath, then stopped short.  My sense
of smell was a lot better then I remembered.  I could discern the smells
of the various types of plants and even a few of the small woodland
creatures that scampered in the underbrush.  I sneezed and decided that
I should look for a burger or pizza before I try my luck at hunting.  I
reasoned that if I am a toon, there must be other toons here, which meant
just about anything could happen.
	I had no idea where I was, but I had a sneaking suspicion.  Just
looking at the style I was "drawn," I could tell this was a Warner
Brothers place.  In a way that comforted me, but still I wasn't terribly
happy with becoming a toon.  Look, I may not have been really happy as a
human, but that's what I was.  I just didn't think that range of human
experience could be replicated by toons; they're too limited, so... so
two-dimensional.
	"Well, I can't stand here all day and wait for the sun go down," I
murmured to myself, and set down the path.
*******
	The trail began to widen and the forest to thin a little.  From there, 
some landmarks began to crop up.  First was a cave, set a little ways off 
the path.  Debris from broken electric guitars and smashed lamps littered 
the outside of the mouth of the cave.  My suspicion deepened.
	Next a small path led to a rabbit burrow set in an old tree stump.
An old tire hung nearby on a lightning-struck tree.  The mailbox read
"Buster Bunny."  That clinched it; I was in Acme Acres.  This meant that
this path will eventually lead to Acme Park and soon Acme Looniversity.
Well, Felina had joked about enrolling in Acme Loo...
	Since I'm a toon, I figured, I might as well learn to act as one.
And what better place then Acme Loo?  I continued down the path by myself.
	Eventually, I stood before the proud arch that proclaimed "Acme
Looniversity" with the statues of Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck flanking the
entrance.  The sight left me in awe for a beat.  A place I though had
merely existed in some half-deranged, half-genius artist's brain stood
before me, in full three-D.  Well, not truly three-D; I still got the odd
impression that this was still somehow flat.  It's hard to explain unless
you see it to know what I mean.  I had no idea if class was still in
session.  I glanced at the clock and it read 3:45.  Somehow, I must have
missed the toons going home.  Or maybe they were off doing other things.
I didn't know.  Anyway, I hoped someone was there to enroll me.  
Trembling, I climbed the stairs and then pushed my way through the double
doors.
	The hallways were just as I remembered them, brightly lit and
colored in pastels.  A small clock clicked quietly just above the hallway,
with corridors leading to the left and right.  "Which way to the office?"
I wondered aloud.
	Suddenly, Gogo Dodo leapt from the clock and directly into my 
face.  Pointing to the right he bellowed, "The office is that way,
coo-coo!  If you sign up here you're coo-coo!"
	"Wah!"  I think I wet myself.
	Gogo replied, "ooOOOOOooo, you will make a fine toon!" and then
popped back into the clock.
	Still shaken, I decided to move in the direction Gogo indicated
and try to not embarrass myself further.  Eventually, a sign proclaimed a
room as the office.  I went in and standing behind the counter was Granny.
I blinked, nonplused for a moment.  "Hey, I thought you were the school
nurse, or at least the world greatest detective...?"
	Granny laughed for a moment.  "Oh, that's in my spare time. 
Besides, most of the others left already, and I was just finishing up some
paperwork.  Can I help you with something...?"
	Suddenly remembering my purpose, I blurted out "I'd like to enroll
at Acme Loo.  Am I too late...?"
	"Oh, no, you can join anytime... it makes the writers happier that
way."  
	'Oh, great,' I thought, 'I'm gonna be stuck for the rest of my life
tied to the whims of some witless hack.'
	Granny bent under the counter and brought some papers.  "These
will need to be filled out now.  Then, when the rest of the staff is here,
you can finish these and sign up for classes in the morning.  After we
finish, I can show you briefly around the campus, okkay?"  I just
nodded mutely.  "Alright," she continued, "first of all, your name?"
	I panicked.  "Um... Jamie... Jamie Foxx," I said, then
immediately winced.
	I could hear Granny mutter under her breath.  "The people at the
network must be really getting desperate..." Then she smiled at me.
"Phone number?"
	"Um... I don't think I have a phone."
	"Address?"
	"I have a place, but I have no idea if it even has an address..."
	"Toon to notify in case of an emergency?"
	"Huh?"
	"Let's move onto something a bit easier, shall we?  How did you
hear about Acme Loo?"
	"Everybody's heard of Acme Loo!  Well, if they like animation,
that is..." I stopped short and realized I should think of something fast.
"I wanted to join the finest institute of Toon Learning," I stated simply.
Granny dutifully wrote it down.
	"Okkay, now, how will you be paying for your tuition?"
	My jaw literally went through the floor.  I had completely forgot
about the concept of money.  "I...um...er...that is..."
	"Oh, good, you can already do some wild takes!  Don't worry about
the tuition, we just do that to see how far advanced our new students
are."
	Right then and there I decided that if I ever met a writer, I'd
kill him.
	Granny's words snapped me back to the present.  "If you could just
sign here, we can leave this for the office in the morning.  I can show
you briefly around the grounds, but as I said before, I have a little
paperwork to finish."  With that, she put the papers in the IN basket and
came out from behind the counter.
	The quick tour of the campus gave me an idea where everything was. 
The first and second floor were all classrooms, with the auditorium on the
second floor.  In the back were a separate cafeteria and gym.  Outside the
gym, I saw a few toons, including a tan female rabbit with a cel phone
that looked like it was permanently glued to her oversized ear.  As Granny
and I passed, she gazed at me intensely.  Once we had passed her, I glance
back to see she was madly dialing the phone.  At the edge of hearing I
could hear her say, "Babs, you wouldn't believe...."
	Harriet?
	This sent a shiver through me and preoccupied my thoughts.  I
hardly listened as Granny pointed out the gym with a sign proclaiming
"Senior Prom."
******
	I left my den very early next morning after a restless night of
sleep.  I just couldn't get used to sleeping on rocks, and besides the
twin stresses of figuring out how in the hell I wound up here and the
first day at a new school didn't help either.  Sometime around 3 am I
resolved to move into a proper house, or at least get a mattress, as soon
as possible.
	So, sleepy, nervous and uncertain, I headed out.  I tried to look for
something to eat the night before, but I was just too nervous and sick to my
stomach to eat.  I decided to hold off on trying to find the infamous
Weenie Burger for a bit.  This morning, despite my strain, I was beginning 
to feel the effects with a rumbling in my stomach.
	In a slight haze, I suddenly bumped into a blur of blue fur.  
"Hey, watch where you're going!" he said.
	"Sorry," I mumbled, eyes downcast.  I knew who I had run into, but
I couldn't bear to look at him.
	The attitude of Buster's voice changed.  "You okkay?"  There was
genuine concern there.
	I bit my lip and kept my face down, muzzle close to the chest.
"I'm sorry, sir," I said, and I tried to walk off.
	"Sir?"  He laughed a bit.  "Hey, don't go, it's alright.  I'm only
a toon.  Name's Buster.  You don't look familiar--you just move in?"
	I stopped, swallowed, and turned to face him.  He was older then I
remembered.  I couldn't place my finger on what it was that gave me that
impression, but that's how I felt.  Maybe it was slightly deeper voice,
maybe it was the way that his legs seemed a little longer from under his
red T-shirt.  "Yes, sir."
	Buster gave a slight chuckle.  "Knock off the sir stuff; you sound
like you are doing a Baby Plucky bit... what's your name?"
	"Jamie... I live back in the woods."
	Buster shrugged.  "You going to the Looniversity?"
	Gaining a bit of confidence, I said haltingly, "Yes... Buster."
	He smiled.  "Well, I'll see you around, I gotta hop over to
Babsy's.  See ya!"  He did just that.
	I closed my eyes.  This was getting to be too much.
******
	Soon, I arrived at the office.  Behind the desk sat Mary Melody. 
"Can I help you?"
	"I came to finish my application for school.  My name is Jamie
Foxx."
	"Ah, here it is."  She looked over it.  "It looks like all you
need to do is select which classes you wish to take.  Since you're coming
in the middle of the semester and you're also new, you'll have to take
many required classes.  Do you understand how the curriculum is set up?"
	I nodded.  "Six classes a day with a lunch break.  Nurse Granny
showed me around briefly yesterday."
	"That makes things a bit easier.  Alright, you have one elective at
this time.  The other five classes you have to take are Toon Physics 101,
Toon Chemistry, Comedic Timing, Creative Writing 101, and Freshman
Seminar.  You will also have a brief meeting with the principal, Bugs
Bunny, with regards to setting up a possible mentor.  Do you have a
preference for an elective?"
	Trying very hard to stay focused on task at hand and not on the
possible meeting with Bugs, I glanced over the list.  The classes I took
at Massive State were all math and engineering related, but looking over
the list, I saw very little do to with that.  "How about Introduction To
Cartooning?" I inquired.
	"You sure you want to take that class?  That's almost a...
remedial class, for newly created toons," Mary warned.
	"Um... let's just say I haven't been a toon for long."
	She shrugged and wrote it down.  "Now, soon you'll be shown around
the campus by a volunteer for the next day or two, so you can find your
way around campus and maybe make some new friends... oh, here she is. 
Hiya, Babs!"
	I whipped around and nearly did a wild take.  Babs didn't notice
me at first.  "What's up, Mary?  Nothing serious, I hope..?"
	Mary pointed to me.  "Babs Bunny, this is our newest student,
Jamie Foxx."
	At that moment, Freakazoid poked his head in. "Hi, I'm here to do
my guest lecture on cameos!"
	"Second door on the left, Mr. Freakazoid," Mary said.  "I should be
teaching that class," she muttered under her breath. 
	I turned to Babs, "Is it always like this?"
	"Nah, it gets worse."
	I shut my eyes again, shook my head and sighed.
	Mary became all business again.  "Babs, you are to help Jamie 
settle in for the next day or so, show him the place, have him meet some 
of your friends."
	I muttered, "Which is half of the school..."
	Babs glared at me.  "You say something?"
	I hastily shook my head.  "No ma'am."
	I got a good look at Babs.  She, like Buster had changed.  A
little taller, maybe a bit more developed in the chest, but fortunately
nothing like some of those sick fanboys have come up with.  Mary, too, now
that I looked at her, was similarly older.  Something was going on here,
but what, I couldn't even begin to guess. I thought toons didn't age if
they are still being laughed at...
	Babs laughed a little.  "No need to be so formal.  Here at Acme
Loo, everyone's on a first name basis."  She stuck out a hand.  I
reluctantly reached out and shook it tentatively.  The thought that I was
actually touching Babs Bunny, a character I thought was merely fictional,
was almost too much for me.  I could feel myself start to blackout a bit,
but I managed to hold onto reality.  Babs's expression changed again to
concern.  "Are you alright?"
	"Yeah," I reassured her a little breathlessly.  "It's just been a
little stressful the past couple of days... and I've admired your work
and..."  I realized I was starting to babble and roped it in.
	She gave me another sidelong glance before returning her attention
to Mary.  Mary gave the schedule to Babs and she glanced at.  "Let's see
what your schedule is... ah, I see you start with Freshman Seminar with
Professor Bugs.  Come on, I'll show you how to find your classes." 
	As Babs and I walked out the door, Mary called, "See you around
school, Babs, Jamie!"
******
	For a toon school, getting around was fairly easy.  Babs first
showed me where my locker was.  Finding classrooms was a cinch; all you
had to do was remember the room number.  After I saw the system, I
mentally noted that some buildings at Massive State weren't as nicely laid
out.  Babs talked about this and that at the school, but I was still too
much in shock and all my energy was memorizing things like my locker
combination and quickest path to my various classes.  She didn't seem to
notice that I didn't say much.  Well, if I came across as quiet...
	We finally stopped at a classroom and Babs quietly knocked on the
door.  A familiar voice said, "Come in."  She opened the door and,
surprisingly subdued, said, "Professor Bugs, this is a new student, Jamie
Foxx."  She then turned to me.  "You think you'll be able to find your way
around?"  I nodded mutely.  "Okkay, I'll see you at lunch.  I'll wait
for you by the door and have you meet the rest of the gang. Bye-ee!"  She
them went back to her class.
	I stood there shaking for bit, uncertain what to do.  Bugs mutely
pointed to an empty chair and I sprinted for it.  Bugs gathered his
thoughts then spoke.  "As yew all knows, gettin' a job as a toon can be
very hard... sure, ya may be toony, but that doesn't mean dat da studio
will..."
	I tuned out as my eyes wandered over the class.  All seemed to
about my "age" and height.  The class was a mixture of some human but
mostly animal toons; a few rabbits, bears, otters, a koala, even another
fox.  I closed my eyes and decided I might as well start paying attention,
more so then I ever did at my other school.
******
	After the Freshman Seminar, there was Toon Physics with Wile E.
Coyote, Toon Chemistry by visiting teacher the Brain (it was kind of
amusing to watch him try to lecture standing on the desk), and Comedic
Timing taught by Slappy Squirrel (a class I wasn't sure I was going to
survive, with her constant resorting to dynamite with her pupils). 
	Lunchtime.  I crawled out of the ruined room just as a crew of
C-Bees led by Pete Puma buzzed in to fix the damage and headed to the
cafeteria.  Just as promised, Babs was waiting outside the door, with
Buster next to her side.  "Oh, I ran into you this morning!" Buster
exclaimed.  "So, Babsy, this is the new kid, huh?"
	"Yeah," she replied, then turned to me.  "Come on, we'll see if
you can stomach the food."
	At that point, I was so hungry I would have eaten dirt and the
legendary bad Acme Loo food didn't daunt me.  It was the fact that I was
going to meet some very famous toons that concerned me even more.  The
bunnies turned inside and I followed.  I grabbed a tray and loaded it up,
much to the surprise of the two rabbits.  Buster elbowed me.  "You sure
you wanna do that?  Whaddya got, a death wish?" he kidded gently.
	"I haven't had much to eat for a couple days now... I'm rather
hungry..." I explained, already start to salivate a bit.  I hadn't 
realized that toons needed to eat just like humans did.  Buster just gave
me one of those looks, but said nothing.
	The three of us headed over a table, where Shirley the Loon, Fifi
La Fume, Plucky Duck, and Hamton Pig were seated.  As I glanced over all
of them, I was struck by a big difference in how they looked.  While the
other toons had aged much the way Buster and Babs had, Hamton looked much
the way he did on the show.  Now my curiosity was further piqued, but put
on hold as Babs spoke.  "Guys, this is the kid I'm showing around the
Looniversity, Jamie Foxx."  Babs winced a bit as she said my name, but
like the professional she is, she continued.  "Jamie, this is Fifi--"
	I interrupted.  "I already know who you are; you're all quite
famous.  Even you, Plucky."  Plucky got a very big grin on his beak and
was about go off when Shirley fwapped him on the back of the head and sent
him into his soup.  "Get cu-rutial, Plucky!"
	Plucky got up and rubbed the back of his head then looked at me. 
"I knew Daffy was down playing how big I had become."
	There was a bit of an awkward pause.  I looked for someplace to
sit and decided Hamton might be safer to sit by.  Sitting down, I
concentrated on the food and just listened to the conversation with my
ears.
	Soon, the group became animated again and basically ignored me. 
Fifi, Shirl and Babs were all comparing notes on places to get prom 
dresses.  Buster and Plucky, on the other hand, were doing their usual
banter.  Hamton was strangely quiet through all of this.
	As soon as the need for food was lessened a bit, I turned to
Hamton.  "I had heard the food here was pretty bad, but I can at least
stomach it..."  Hamton continued to chew absently.  Something was
obviously on his mind.  I noticed that from time to time Fifi would glance
at Hamton.  She looked like she was waiting for something.  Cautiously, I
nudged Hamton.
	Hamton came to with a start, "Huh?  What?  Oh, hello... who are
you?"
	"Jamie.  Babs is showing me around the place... you okkay?"  It
seemed strange after two days of everyone asking me the same question for
me to ask it.
	"Oh, I'm fine... just a little depressed, that's all..." Hamton
replied with a bit of a downtrodden voice.  He suddenly looked me in the
face, deciding, I guess, to get to know me better.  "So where are you
from?"
	On that point, I balked.  How could I explain?  Or worse, could I
explain at all?  I really didn't know how or why I was here.  I had to
think fast, and come up with something.  "Um... I just moved into town
from..."  My mind went blank.  I was sort of hoping my brain would talk to
me like Homer Simpson's does, but no such luck.  "...Springfield.  Yeah,
Springfield."
	"Yeah," Hamton replied, polite, but bored, "that's a nice area."
	Gathering up my nerve, I decided to ask something potentially
stupid.  "If you don't mind me asking, I noticed that you seem, well,
younger than the others, but I know you're all about the same age.  What
gives?"  There, I said it, I feel better now.
	Hamton stopped eating for a beat and looked at me really hard.  A
huge drop of sweat formed next to my right eye.  I could feel my features
strain to do an anime take, which made Hamton look all that harder and
attracted the notice of the others.  I resisted the temptation of putting
my arms behind my head.  "Don't you know?" he said perhaps a bit louder
than he intended as he looked immediately embarrassed.
	"What's up, Hammy?" Plucky said, turning to his best friend.
	I piped up as Hamton still looked a bit in shock.  "I asked him
why he looked younger..."
	Hamton unexpectedly exploded.  "Alright, if you must know... I
decided I will stay a young toon.  There, are you satisfied?!"  He
abruptly stood up and stormed off.  I glanced at Fifi and saw her face
and tail droop. 
	Quietly she murmured, "Et is ov-aire, zen..." and she let out a
big sigh.
	Shirley leaned over and gave her a hug.  "It's like, okkay, Feef.
It was his decision."
	Plucky looked after Hamton and returned his attention to me. "Say,
where do you come from where you hadn't heard of this?  Every toon know
this..."
	All I could do was look dumbfounded.  "What?"
	Buster took control of the situation. "When every toon nears 
maturity, they have a choice to make.  They can either remain young 
forever or they can age and become adult toons."
	"Geez, I'm sorry I hadn't realized it was such a sore subject," I
stammered.
	Suddenly, the eyes of everyone at the table were on me.  Shirley's
eyes seemed to lose focus and I felt something... inside of me.  
"Something is like to-tally wrong here..." she proclaimed in a distant
voice.
	At that point the bell rang announcing the end of the lunch
period.  That broke Shirley's concentration and the feeling was gone.  I
snapped down a couple more bites, gathered my stuff together and
high-tailed it out of there, calling back, "I'll see you all tomorrow!"
	Fortunately, the Creative Writing class taught by Elmer Fudd and
the Introduction to Cartoons class taught by Daffy went smoothly.  After
class I sprinted back to my den, so to avoid meeting anyone. 
****** 
Dear Diary:
	Today I showed a new kid around school, Jamie Foxx.  He seems
alright, if maybe a bit quiet and nervous all the time.  A bit strange as
well, like when he babbled how much the gang were stars and everything. 
Then there was lunch time.  He asked about the "decision".  Gosh, I though
every toon was taught about that as soon as they could talk!  Well, we all
suspected it, but Hamton finally came right out and said it; he's staying
young.  To be honest, I think he'll do better that way.  I feel bad for
Fifi, though.  She had so hoped...  I hope she can find another date to
the prom. 
	Your faithful servant,
	Barbara Ann Bunny
******
	The next morning I got ready a bit early.  I was still uncertain
if I wanted to face those toons again, yet somehow I knew I needed to go
back.  Slowly the concept that not only was I a toon fox, but also figures
I thought before were mere illusionary movements on the screen had lives
of their own fixed itself in my brain.  I looked at myself really hard in
the mirror.  In a strange way, I was rather proud how I looked.  I still
determined I needed a mattress, but other than that, I was beginning to
like it here... maybe get some cable and...
	That brought me up short.  Had I given up entirely on returning to
the human world?  I shook my head and looked at myself in the mirror
again.  The eyes that stared back at me were a toon's; round white
circles, with a blue iris surrounding a black pupil.  Inside, I knew that
I was still human, on some level at least, but oddly, I felt... liberated. 
I half remembered a fragment from Professor Wile E.'s lecture yesterday,
concerning the malleability of toon bodies.  I stepped back and
tentatively stuck my thumb in my mouth and blew, like I had seen so many
toons do before.  I could feel my body expand.  Quickly I let go of the
air and I returned to my normal shape.
	I felt no pain, but it only served to remind me that I hadn't
eaten anything since lunch yesterday.  There was also the psychological
pain of not having anyone I could explain my situation to.  To alleviate
the later, I would need to find someone I could trust.  To take care of
the first however, I needed to do something other than just rush home at
night.  That means I would have to risk myself to asking some potentially
embarrassing questions.  Things like, "How can I get money?" or "Is there
someplace I can go shopping?"  Deciding to get it over with, I took a deep
breath and trotted out my door.
	Preoccupied with the lingering thoughts of my becoming a toon, I
didn't notice when Buster fell in beside me until he spoke up.  "Hiya,
Jamie!"
	I started and then relaxed a little.  "Oh, hi Buster," I replied,
and decided the best path would be remain silent for a while.  Buster
didn't seem to notice and continued to walk next to me.
	After a while, the silence and the rumbling of my stomach got too
much to bear.  I looked up at Buster. "Buster, do you mind if I ask you a
question?"
	He shrugged.  "Sure, why not?"
	"Is there someplace I can go to get some food besides the 
cafeteria?  I haven't had anything to eat for..."
	"Wait," Buster interrupted, "you've only eaten cafeteria food?  You
are a toon, aren't you?"
	"Well.... yeah..."
	"Any toon can make anything they need, including food.... where
did you come from?"
	Suddenly realizing I was in deep trouble, I rushed out, "Oh, I'm
sorry Buster, I realized I need to do some studyingokkayiluvyoubuhbye!"
and ran as fast as my little vulpine legs could carry me, leaving Buster
with a puzzled look on his face.
	By the time I got to school, I was out of breath, but not horribly
sweaty.  I guess it wasn't funny.  I leaned against Daffy's granite leg
for a bit with my tongue lolling out and my tail between my legs, trying
to regain my composure.  I closed my eyes, settled myself and turned
straight into Fifi, knocking out some books she was carrying.  "Oh," I
stammered, "I'm sorry, let me pick those up...."
	"Jamie, izn't it, non?" she asked as she bent down to gather her
books with me.  I just nodded and focused on getting the books. 
Fortunately, it was soon over and I gave the rest of her books.
	"Merci, Jamie," and she smiled and fluttered her eyelashes a bit.
	I could feel myself start to blush and I quickly turned away and
headed up the stairs.  The safest place, I felt, was in my first class.
	I walked into class.  School was not scheduled to start for
another 10 minutes or so when Professor Bugs walked in.  He noticed my
presence.  "Jamie, isn't it?"  I nodded questioningly.
	"Ah, just the fox I needed ta see.  Could ya' see me after school
t'day?  We need ta talk, especially 'bout gettin' you a mentor."
	"Yes, Professor Bugs."  I may be slowly accepting the situation,
but today fate wasn't helping.
******
	After stumbling through classes, it was time for lunch again.  I
was starving and bravely piled my tray high with food.  I tacitly avoided
Buster, Babs and the gang and looked for someplace else to sit.  I noticed
that Hamton was seated by himself in the corner of the cafeteria.  He
looked like he had the right idea and I sat near him, as unobtrusively as
I could.  He was too preoccupied with whatever thoughts he had to notice.
	We silently ate our meals for a time, when abruptly Hamton noticed
me.  "Oh, it's you," he said simply.  His voice had a distant quality to
it, as if any anger he had towards me had been burned out.
	I set my fork down and cleared my mouth, in part to cover as I 
tried to think of the right words to say.  "I'm sorry, Hamton, for 
yesterday," I started carefully. 
	"It's okkay," he replied, putting a hand up to stop me, "there was
no way you could have known it was a sore subject.... how come you don't
know about the...."
	I interrupted him and tried to change the subject.  "What're you
going to do after graduation?  I overheard the others saying you'll all
graduate soon..."
	"Oh, not much, probably... maybe sign on to work here... I
dunno..."
	It wasn't much of a conversation, but it was enough to stave off,
at least for a little while, questions of my origin.  Not now, not yet.  I
admit, Hamton was never one of my favorite characters, but after talking
with him, I had to admit he's not a half bad pig.  The rest of lunch hour
proceeded quietly, much to my relief.
******
	After Introduction to Cartoons ended, one of the moments I had
been dreading came, the meeting with Bugs Bunny.  Not only was it the
stereotypical meeting with the principal, but it was also a meeting with
someone I had been watching since I was just a kid.  I took as much time 
as I could, trying to delay the moment.  However, I finally found myself
outside the door marked "Principal."  I took a deep breath and knocked on
the door.  "Come in," a long familiar voice called out.  I opened the door
and stepped in.
	"Oh, Jamie, it's you, sit down, sit down."  He motioned me to a
chair.  Bugs looked like he was working on some paperwork.  I just sat in
the chair a bit uncomfortably, fidgeting by trying to thread my tail
through the back.  After a moment, Bugs laid his pencil down and looked
directly at me.  I tried to calm myself. 
	"Now, Jamie, foist, I want ta officially welcome ya ta Acme Loo. 
Our goal here is ta provide the best toon ed'jacation.  Secondly, as part
'a providin' dat best ed'jaction, we try ta pair each of our students with
an olda', more experienced toon.  Since 'dere ain't no toon foxes on our
staff..."
	"What about the foxes that were in 'Phone Call from the 405'?" I
blurted out.  "Or the various foxes that showed up Looney Toons shorts?  And
what about the little toon foxes that were extras in Tiny Toons and
Animaniacs episodes..." I snapped my muzzle shut. 
	Bugs gave me a look.  "Well, ya know yer Warnah Bruddas
hist'ry well," is all he said.  He settled and resumed, glaring at me to
prevent me from interrupting him again.  "But, we can't directly pair yas
with any of our staff membahs.  Howeveh, there are many other such young
toons like yer self in this sitchiation.  In about a week, the Freshman
Seminah will be ending an' ya start havin' meetin's with yer mentah. 
Now, Jamie, do you have any pref'rences in a mentah?"
	The question hung there for a moment.  "How do you mean?" I
ventured.
	"Well, do yew have a pahticulah goal yew are aftah?"
	I realized that right then and there I needed to decide how I was
going to spend my life as a toon.  I knew I could never be a star.  Even
Hamton, as mild as he was, was more star material then I could ever be.  I
was nothing special.  I decided for a bit of honesty.  "Well, sir... I
hadn't really thought that far... I guess perhaps a career as an extra
or..."
	Bugs looked a bit disappointed but said instead, "Awright, Jamie. 
I'll see who'll be willin' to take yas' and let yew know in class.  Yer 
dismissed."
	I quietly slipped off the chair and out of the room.
******
	Back in my den, I thought about all that happened today.  Only my
third day here, and already I was making plans for the future.  I figured
the only way to stay sane is accept the fact I was human no more.  That
reminded me of what Buster told me.  My stomach rumbled suddenly.  Well,
no better place than food.  One thing that always slightly disturbed me
was the concept of body pockets.  Well, maybe I had them but...
	I slipped out of my vest and tried to pull something, anything out
of my body pocket.  I felt around my sides with my hands and felt a slight
seam, barely noticeable.  I stuck my hand into the fur.  I didn't feel any
pain, but the feeling inside was a bit... strange, like my hand was in a
vacuum.  I decided that I wanted a pizza and concentrated on that.  In an
instant, I felt something hard in my right hand.  I pulled out... a pizza
box.  My curiosity temporarily forgotten, I opened the box and inside was
a hot, double pepperoni pizza.  I took a bite.  Not bad.
	After I had devoured about half of the pizza, I returned my
attention to conjuring.  I looked around the room.  The size was about
right, and the brightness, with a couple lamps powered somehow, was good. 
But other than the dresser and a single chair, there was no other
furniture.  Well, time to take care of that.
	Reaching into my left body pocket, I concentrated on a big fluffy
mattress.  My side bulged out a bit and I strained a bit to get it out,
but eventually, a thick, green mattress popped out.  I carried it over to
where I was sleeping and laid it down.  "Get the comfy chair!" I called
out, and then giggled.  I hadn't laughed for a long time, it seemed and it
felt good.  I got up and spent the rest of the night decorating my new
home.
****** 
Dear Diary:
	That Jamie kid just doesn't make any sense.  First there was
yesterday, with him not knowing about the decision, and then Buster said
today that Jamie asked him about getting something to eat, and was
thoroughly surprised when Buster told him about creating things.  I
thought every toon knew that.  Shirl said yesterday there was something
strange about him.
	I noticed he sat next to Hamton today. Maybe it's for the best
Hamton is staying away from us for a while.  I certainly don't know what
to say to him right now.  But I hope he doesn't cut us off all together.
We've shared too much.
	Fifi, on the other hand, seemed a little oblivious during lunch
and kept sighing in the general direction of Hamton.  She seems to be
taking it a bit hard.  Well, when Feef falls in love, she always falls
hard.
	Anyway, Buster and I decided to find out what's with Jamie.  We
managed to drag Shirley and Plucky into this.  It will all be decided
tomorrow night. 
	Your Faithful Servant, 
	Barbara Ann Bunny.
******
	The next morning, I was actually feeling pretty good.  I turned on
my new radio and got ready for school.  The Looniversity radio station,
K-ACME, was playing generic rock music.  I frowned a bit and decided I can
do better.  I fished around in a body pocket and came up with a They Might
Be Giants CD.  I shrugged and put it in.  I had gotten pretty good with
conjuring and now I could do it without thinking.  'I'll have to to get a
few more CD's...' I mused and then returned to my preparations.
	For once, my journey to school and my morning classes were
uneventful.  I was even beginning to enjoy Slappy's Comedic Timing class. 
I dropped off my books in my locker and then headed to lunch.  I was in a
strange, vaguely happy mood.  The fear and depression seemed to have
lifted, perhaps only temporarily, but I wasn't complaining.
	As I crossed the space from the Looniversity proper to the
cafeteria, I noticed anew the sign advertising the prom on the gym, only 3
days hence.  When I went to high school, I was never much for dance....
well, frankly, I wasn't much for dates... okkay, I never had a date.  But
now that seemed ages ago.  Memories of when I was human brought a little
of the depression back.  I shook it off and turned my attention to the
cafeteria.
	This time, I wasn't so eager to tempt fate with the cafeteria
food.  I got a much more modest selection of food and looked for a place
to sit.  I decided not to press my luck by sitting near the bunnies and
noticed Hamton still seated by himself in the corner.  I joined him,
keeping a respectful distance.  Hamton still looked dispirited and very
much alone.  I felt sorry for him, but to be truthful, I knew him about as
well as a TV star.  That is not all.
	I settled down to eat when a flash of lavender fur caught my eye.
"Oh, Zhamie, can I ask you somethink?"
	I cleared my mouth of grey lumps with brown sauce (or was it brown
lumps with grey sauce?) and looked at Fifi.  "Sure," I managed to get out
eventually.
	"I know zet you are new here, but, 'ow you zay.... ooo, vould you
take me to ze prom, s'il vous plait?"  She leaned until our noses touched.
	I didn't care what she thought, as my expression broke into an
anime embarrassment take; eyes growing large, pupils small and a large
bead of sweat forming on the side of my face. I swallowed hard.  "N-n-now,
Fifi...," I stammered, "I know a lot of fanboys that would kill for an
opportunity like this... but I can't."
	Fifi's hopeful and slightly desperate expression fell.  At the
edge of my vision I could see Hamton try to move unobtrusively away.  I
felt a twinge of regret, but at this point, there wasn't much I could do.
	"Nothing personal, Fifi, I think you are very nice young woman...
but I hardly know you and as you pointed out I just got here... not really
the type that goes to prom."  'And not the type that gets asked to go the
prom either,' I added mentally. 
	Fifi flopped down on the bench opposite of me and rested her head
in her hands, looking very forlorn.  "I'm zorry to 'ave embarrassed you,
Zhamie, but eet is my senior year et I 'ave no date for ze prom... you
were my last hope."
	Now I felt bad for Fifi.  "Well, aren't there any of your friends
that don't have date... I understand you are quite popular... How about
Calamity?"
	"Him? He's going wiz ano'zer girl... Nianna, I sink her name iz.."
	I now had to think... who else would be a good match?  To my
horror, I realized that the only ones left were Bookworm, Little Sneezer,
and Concord.  The others were already paired off or simply just too
strange; who would want to go out with Gogo Dodo?  And those other 
three... yeech.  I can see why Fifi was so desperate now that her
relationship with Hamton had, well not ended, but certainly changed.  Of
course there was...
	"What about Furrball?"
	Fifi perked up a little at the suggestion and then promptly
deflated.  "No.  He'd never go out wiz me.."
	"Why not?"
	"Let's just say we can work togezah, but zat's it."
	Uncertain what to say, I sat there and ate a few more bites of my
food.  My mind became totally blank from trying to think too hard.  As
desperately as I wanted to help Fifi out of her dilemma, the only solution
I could think of, that of me accepting her invitation, was unacceptable. 
From purely a relationship level, I didn't know her.  I'm not the type of
toon that will go out with any woman should the fancy catch me.  To be
perfectly honest, we weren't even really friends, just two people that
happened to meet three days ago.  As the silence lengthened and I
continued to chew my food like cud, Fifi sadly got up and left me.  I felt
awkward and helpless but there was so little I could do.  All this did for
me was to emphasize how lonely I truly was, with no one I could trust.  I
was relieved when the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch hour.  At
least now, I could turn my mind onto my school work. 
****** 
Dear Diary,
	The events of this night are too strange and too fantastic; I have
to write it all down.  I can hardly believe it myself, and I just
witnessed it just a few hours ago.
	After school, the gang gathered at Weenie Burger to discuss
strategy.  Well, Buster and I did anyway.  We invited Fifi along, but her
heart wasn't in it.  Apparently, she even asked Jamie to the prom and he
refused.  Poor girl.  Anyway, Buster guessed where Jamie's place was and
we talked about what we were going to do when we got there... to be
honest, we had no idea what to expect.  We hurried home, got something
real to eat and gathered by Buster's hole at 7pm.
	The sun was just beginning to set when I showed up.  Buster and I
cuddled and had a little small talk until Plucky and Shirl showed up a
little later.  Buster said that Jamie came from the deep part of the
woods, perhaps past Dizzy's place.  Gathering up a couple flashlights and
a little darker clothes we set off on our little spying mission.
	Yeah, we could've asked Jamie straight out, but every time we
tried to get something out of him he got evasive.  Buster and I agreed
that this was the only way we could find out.  Since Shirley felt
something on a cosmic level, we thought it had to be pretty terrible.
	In short order we came up to Dizzy's cave, lights blazing and
music turned up loud, as usual.  That's part of the reason he was so far
out here, you know.
	"So where does he live?" Plucky asked.
	"Can't be too much further, we run out of path pretty soon," 
Buster answered smoothly.  At this point, I wasn't sure what to believe. 
I'd lived in these woods all my life and did many a shoot back here,
along with just general running around, but I suddenly realized what
bothered me.  The path used to end at Dizzy's.  After that was simply
woods.  Yet, in the combined gloom of the twilight and what little light
our flashlights threw out, the path clearly snaked its way through the
forest.
	"Um, Buster, didn't this path end at Dizzy's?"
	Buster thought for a bit and then nodded.  "Used ta, Babsarooni...
odd..."
	Shirley spoke up.  "This, is like totally strange.... If I like
look at the aura of the place, there is a totally different glow just a
few feet in front of us.  It looks the same, but, it's... well,
different," she ended, obviously flustered that she couldn't explain what 
she saw.
	A sudden attack of goosebumps caused me to shiver all over.  "This
is just too creepy."
	"Come on," Buster motioned for us to continue.  The four of us
pressed close and we proceeded cautiously.
	In a bit we heard music coming from some unseen source and it
wasn't Dizzy's cave... it was in front of us.  The path became narrower
and narrower, with the vegetation creeping in on the sides, making any
sort of quiet approach nearly impossible, especially those of us with
large rabbit feet.  We finally had to stop, even though the source of the
music remained out of sight.
	Buster whispered to Shirley, "Can you sense anything?"
	Shirley got that faraway look in her eye. "Yes..," she said
dreamily, "I can tell it's Jamie..."
	"Oh goody, we found him... so let's split--this place is giving me
the creeps," Plucky stated and started to head off.
	Buster clamped down on his shoulder and hauled him back, "Not so
fast, Duck... we have a mystery here and I aim to solve it."
	"Are you sure you haven't been spending too much time with
Scooby-Doo?" Plucky muttered under his breath, but Buster and I both heard
him.  Buster simply glared at him and returned his attention to
Shirley....
******
	By that evening, I had regained a fraction of the good mood I had
earlier.  The simple pleasures of food, music and cable television did a
lot for me.  It figures the only channels that ACME Cable had were K-ACME
TV, The WB and Cartoon Network.  Well, I spent most of my time in the
human world watching at least two of those, so it wasn't all bad.
	I had settled down to eat some fried rice, about the only thing I
could make, when I felt something inside of me.  Dismissing it as hunger
pangs, I continued to eat.  The TV provided a low murmur in the 
background.  For some reason, I was more aware of my surroundings
suddenly.  I tried to remain aware of the food in front of me and dug in.
	At the edge of hearing, I heard a rustle of leaves, as if someone
was on the path to my place.  I had a burst of panic--could it be a
robber?  I soon realized how silly that was and tried to relax, but the
feeling just wouldn't go.
	Finally, my curiosity got the better of me.  I laid down my fork
and went to my den entrance.  I peered out into the darkness, but could
see nothing beyond the bend and the circle of light seeping through my
door.
	"Um, hullo?" I softly called, but as I had hoped, there was no
response.  I chuckled to myself.  'It musta been a squirrel, or some
junk,' I reasoned.  'And it wasn't Slappy or Skippy.' I turned back inside
and tried to unwind and finish my meal.
	A little while later, I felt that something again, this time
stronger.  No, it wasn't my imagination and it wasn't hunger.  It felt
like some invisible hands were poking me, testing me, to see what I was
made of.  I got really scared.  I strained my ears if I could hear
anything at all.
	Again came that faint rustling, more definite this time, from
outside.  Carefully, I turned off the TV and crept to my den entrance.  It
dawned on me that I could use not only my ears but my nose as well.  I was
a fox, after all.... I tested the air.
	The usual scents of the forest came through, along with the
remains of my cooking. But there was something else... something that
teased at the edge of my olfactory memory....
	I stepped into the night, as quietly as my fox feet would take me. 
On a whim, I got down into the brush and crept along on my belly.  In a
little bit, I caught a whispered conversation.
	"Shirley, what's going on?" Buster asked quietly, but insistently.
	"He, like, knows we're here..." Shirley responded.
	I sat up and waved, almost foolishly. "Uh... hi," I called out.
"Nice of you to... drop by...?"  I was aware once more of that cosmic
poking, whose source I now guessed was coming from Shirley.
	At the edge of hearing, I heard Shirley whisper, "Babs, he's not a
toon..."
	That set me into a panic once more, but by this time, I was sick
of hiding and panic.  Swallowing my fear and pretending I didn't hear 
that, I said, "Well, why don't you just come in?
	The four barely perceived figures looked at each other.  Buster
visibly shrugged and that seemed to be the group consensus.  I turned
around and headed for the door and I heard the others follow.
	The den seemed foreign somehow, even though I had just left it a
short time ago.  Maybe it was the knowledge that my secret would be 
revealed here that prompted the feeling.  I fought down the panic rising
anew inside of me.  Sooner or later, it would have to come out.  I suppose
I wished it would be on my own terms, but so be it.  Still, I had to
continue the facade for a bit longer.
	Buster, Babs, Plucky and Shirley strode into light.  "I'm sorry
about the lack of chairs... I wasn't expecting guests."  My confidence in
conjuring more seats suddenly fled me.  I took a few more deep breaths. 
I hoped the Acme Loo crew didn't notice.
	The four of them looked a bit awkward in this situation
themselves.  Buster cleared his throat and broke the ice.  "Um.. nice
place ya got here, Jamie..."  Babs and Shirley tried not to stare, but 
with little success.
	After another awkward silence, I started anew.  "So, what brings
you four out here?  Get lost on the way to Dizzy's?"  I laughed nervously,
half hoping that they'd bite on the lame excuse.
	Plucky looked like he was considering it and he opened his beak,
but Babs cut him off.  "To tell the truth Jamie, we came to... spy on you. 
Ever since you came to Acme Loo, you haven't been behaving like a normal
toon..."
	For some reason, my anger got up.  "So you spy on every single
toon that doesn't seem 'normal' to you?  Is that how you operate?" I shot
back.
	Buster shook his head. "No... it's not that way, Jamie."  He
paused for a moment, as if he was searching for the right words. "You were
asking questions about things that every toon *should* know as soon as
they're born or created."
	Buster's phrasing surprised me and it must have shown on my face. 
"See, something as basic as that is common knowledge... let's just say you
piqued our curiosity," Buster concluded.
	"They say that 'curiosity killed the rabbit'," I replied.
	"I thought it was 'curiosity killed the cat'," Plucky corrected.
	"Yeah, but Furrball isn't here...."
	Another pregnant pause followed.  I turned to Shirley.  "But you
know the truth, at least part of it, don't you?"
	"Like, what do you mean?"
	I twitched my tail in irritation.  "You know I'm not really a
toon, or hadn't always been a toon, or some junk."  Whether it was having
her own phrase thrown back at her, or the accusation itself, Shirley
winced, then nodded.
	"It's true, guys," she said quietly.
	Buster and Plucky looked at me in confusion and shock.  "Then what
are you?"  Plucky finally managed to splutter out.
	"A human," I stated.  "Or, at least I was one..."  My anger faded. 
"...now, I dunno what I am...."  I sat down on the edge of my bed, head
resting on my hands.
	The silence once more stretched for what seemed like an eternity. 
Babs broke the silence with a simple, "How?"
	I glared at her.  "If I knew, I wouldn't be here now, would I?"
Then my expression softened.  "Then again, who knows..."
	Shirley came over to me and put an arm around my shoulder, "If 
you, like, tell us what happened, maybe we can help you, or some junk."
	I took a deep breath and shook my head.  The simple act of touch
unexpectedly felt good and I calmed down.  "Maybe you're right...," I
sighed.  I looked at the four of them.  I knew I was taking an big leap of
trust here, but I didn't see any other choice.  "My real name is Jamie
Crane," I began slowly.  "For 19 years, I was rather average, managed to
have two parents somehow... really, my life isn't extraordinary..."  I had
no idea what I *could* say.  I tried again.  "All I know's that one night,
I was talking over the computer, and we were talking about what it would
be like to be a toon, and then I went to sleep, and then I found myself
here..."
	Shirley made a noise in the back of her throat and I looked at her.
"Could, like this be all a dream?" she queried.  "Or, maybe, this like
some cosmic scheme, to show you the other side of the world, and that
Jupiter and Uranus were lined just as a prayer was offered at Asakusa
Shrine and.... like, ow!" I elbowed Shirley to quiet her.
	In the back of my head I just *knew* it wasn't a dream.  Nothing
concrete I could pin that feeling on, just something I could feel.  I
shook my head.  "This is no dream, at least not one I can control."  My
gaze returned to the floor.
	Shirley looked at the other three.  "Don't look at me, Shirl,"
Buster warned, "you're the expert of the astral plane around here."
	Babs looked at Buster strangely. "Where'd you learn such a fancy
phrase, Buster?" she asked.
	Buster shrugged nonchalantly.  "Something I just picked up, I
guess."  Babs shook her head and glared at the ceiling.
	Once more an uncomfortable silence fell upon the group.  Finally,
Buster came over and kneeled in front of me.  "Look, Jamie, I don't think
we can figure out what happened... perhaps we'll never find out... but...
you are here now."
	I lifted my head and looked Buster in the eye.  "What are you
saying?" a slight hope creeping into my voice.
	Buster considered for a moment and then took a deep breath.  "What
I'm saying is that you seem like a basically decent person, while we're
seniors and you're just starting out..."
	I suddenly embraced Buster and then embarrassed, broke off the hug.
"I'm sorry, Buster... I didn't mean to..."
	Buster chuckled softly, "That's okkay.  Why don't we go someplace
besides here?  It might be a good night to check out the town.  Whaddya
say?"
	"Yeah," Plucky piped up, "it might be nice to have a carnivore
around to protect us."
	"Watch it duck," I mock-growled, "I had a friend play a duck and he
kept getting eaten."  Then I smiled to show off my sharp teeth.
	Plucky turned white while Babs and Buster chuckled.  "There are
people who play toons?  You'll have to tell us about that some time..."
Buster commented.
******
	The rest of the night actually went pretty well.  Jamie and the
rest of us wound up going to Weenie Burger, because that was one place
Jamie had always heard about and he wanted to try.  It was sort of amusing
to watch him try to order from the menu.  Arnold was behind the counter
tonight and gave Jamie a bit of hard time.  He got flustered, but I think
he handled it rather well.
	I can see a definite change in him now.  He seems a little looser,
and he asked many questions.  Now that we knew what had happened, or what
he could explain, his questions made sense, and I think that eased
his conscience.  We tried to explain things as much as we could.  We, in
turn, asked a few questions about the human world.  Even Plucky, never
one for intellectual conversation, seemed to be caught up.  I never knew I
had so many humans "drooling" for me...
	Diary, this has been a strange night.  It explained much, but
still so many unanswered questions.  Maybe that's part of life. 
	Your Faithful Servant, 
	Barbara Ann Bunny.
******
	The next couple of days were a bit of blur.  I went to class,
proudly sat with my new friends during lunch, and hang out with them after
school.  I wasn't sure if it was just sympathy or if there was a genuine
relationship there.  I didn't care, I had at least someone to talk to, and
someone I had a degree of trust in.  It felt like a weight had been lifted
from me.
	Fifi, of course, learned the truth.  She shied away from me at
first, but it eventually didn't matter to her.  We were hanging out on the
day before the prom, since we had Saturday off.  She asked me out again but
I turned her down again.  It just didn't seem right.  Gosh, she is one
cute skunk, but to be perfect honest, I didn't think I was going to go to
the prom at all.
	Buster and Plucky, seeing the scene, took me aside.  "Wow, Jamie,"
Plucky said, "Never seen a guy turn down Fifi so smoothly."
	I looked at him.  "I'm just not the prom type," I stated simply.
	Buster looked me over.  "Oh, yes you are... or you're gonna be."
	My head whipped around to look at Buster.  "Whaddya mean?"
	Buster had a satisfied smile on his face.  "It means we're gonna
get you a tux--you're going to the prom with us."
	"Whadda-whadda-whadda... whaddabout Hamton?" I forced out, trying
to do anything change the subject.  Never having gone on a date, I had
absolutely no clue what to do.
	As if on cue, Hamton wandered up to the three of us, his eyes
focused on the ground.  "Hi, guys...  I'm sorry I've stayed away from you
this last week... I needed time to think."
	Plucky gave Hamton a quick, simple hug.  The two of them looked
odd, Hamton retaining much the same look I knew him to have on the TV
show and Plucky with his legs and neck a little longer, a little taller,
almost having to bend over to embrace him. "We understand, Hammy," Plucky
stated surprisingly tenderly.  "I think we all knew this was going to
come."
	Hamton took a deep breath and his vaguely concerned expression on
his face cleared up and looked up to Plucky.  "Thank you," was all he 
said.  He gathered his thoughts for a moment and then looked at the three
of us.  "But as you might guess, I'm not going to the prom this year.
It's just too painful still.  I think of all the time Fifi and I had...
and well, it just hurts too much."
	"Fifi's pretty broke up about it, too," Buster stated.
	Hamton sighed.  "I know, but I think it's for the best in the end. 
I have my future career to think about.  Besides, I think I was just a
convenience for her..."
	"Nonsense," Plucky exclaimed, "she really cared for you, maybe
just as a friend, but still.. She didn't just idly choice you, no matter
what roles she got."
	Hamton sighed again.  "Maybe one day, perhaps.  Look, guys, I
gotta be going.  I'll see you around."
	"See you around, Hammy," Plucky called after his friend.  "It's
hard to get sidekicks like that anymore," he muttered.
	Buster looked at me.  "Now you have all the more reason to go to
the prom," he said enigmatically.  "Come on," he said, and dragged me 
along.  Remembering that we left Babs, Fifi, and Shirley behind, he called
out, "We'll be back in a little while, girls--we've got something to take
care of!"
******
	In town, Buster managed to find somehow a tuxedo in my size and
rented it out for me.  We spent forever trying to find a cummerbund to
match and we finally settled on a burgundy to go along with my russet fur. 
As I stood on a small stand while Buster and the shop attendant were 
looking for a matching tie, I told Buster, "I told you I'm not going to go
to the prom with Fifi..."
	Buster stuck his head out of the small closet where the ties were,
"You aren't..."
	"Then why in the hell am I getting a tuxedo?"
	Buster winced, but continued as if he hadn't heard my little
outburst. "Because you're going to the prom tomorrow night--isn't that
obvious?  Fifi'll just happen to be there as well."
	"Ummm..."
	Plucky looked at me in sympathy.  "Don't try to fight it, Jamie...
when he gets this way, nothing'll stop him, even sense."
	I groaned inwardly and resigned myself to fate.
******
	The next night was the prom.  A little to my chagrin, Buster
arrived at my door promptly at 6:30.  "Come on, Jamie, or we'll be late!"
he called. 
	I fiddled with my bow tie and cummerbund and then met him at the
door.  "How I look?"
	"Fine, Jamie, fine... now come on, we still have to get Plucky...
and we don't want to keep the girls waiting."
	We headed out into the night toward Plucky's pond.  "If you're
trying to fix me up with Fifi, you're about as subtle as Concord," I
growled.
	Buster looked at me and then picked up his pace a bit.  "Nah, it's
just that every toon *has* to be at this dance."
	"Then why aren't you dragging Hamton along?"
	Buster shrugged.  "That's different."
	I lagged behind a bit and sulked in silence as Buster hurried
along.  Soon we were at Plucky's pond, and Buster knocked on the door of
Plucky's house.  "Come on out, Plucky!  The girls are waiting!"
	The door flew open and Plucky stood there, looking very dapper
indeed in his tuxedo.  However, he looked less then pleased.  "Keep your
shirt on, Buster!  I'm ready, I'm ready..." he groused.
	"Well, let's go!"  Buster quickly turned around and nearly
sprinted down the path to the Looniversity, with Plucky and I desperately
trying to catch up.
	"Hey, Buster, slow down! Some us don't have fast rabbit feet," I
called.  "Besides, you don't want to get sweaty *before* the dance."
	"That's prolly why he's running around, to hide his nervousness,"
Plucky whispered to me.
	Buster didn't say anything, but he did slow down his pace a bit to
let the two of us catch up.
	Finally, we arrived at the Looniversity.  Cars and toons were
everywhere. It looked almost like a movie premiere.  In a sense it was,
since it was the last prom for many toons.  Buster soon found Babs and
Shirley nonchalantly waiting near the gym entrance.  They looked like they
might've been waiting there for hours, but I suspected they arrived not to
long before we did.
	Babs hugged Buster, trying not to muss up her red dress with lace
along the V of the neck.  Plucky did the same with Shirley, who looked
wonderful in a magenta dress with cream accents on the sleeves and hem.
"Where's Fifi?  I thought she was coming too..." Buster asked.
	"Like, she said she would be here, but, she's like, not here,"
Shirley provided.
	I felt strangely disappointed, but I shook it off.  Babs then 
noticed me.  "You look nice Jamie," she said.  I tried not to blush.
	At that moment, Fifi sauntered up.
	Fifi was wearing a very nicely fitting green shoulderless dress
with lace along the bodice and hem.  Despite the finery, she still looked
a little forlorn.  "'Allo, everyone," she said quietly.
	"Well," Plucky piped up, "now that everyone is here, let's go in." 
Despite his comment earlier, I suspected that Plucky was just as nervous
as Buster.  Plucky linked his arm with Shirley and Buster with Babs, but
Fifi and I just walked side by side, a little out of place.
	The theme of the dance was "Anvil Remember You All."
Consequently, there was papier-mache anvils and yellow crepe paper strung
from the ceiling, much to Plucky's discomfort.
	While the couples went off, I headed straight for the punch bowl
and then for the wall.  Fifi sat down a few seats from me and decided to
go ahead and wait it out.  I didn't know anyone here; I'm uncomfortable at
dances.  I just sat back and enjoyed the music.  I hoped that someone
would come over to Fifi and ask her for at least a dance, but no one did. 
	After a few songs, Buster and Babs came up to me.  "How come you
aren't out on the dance floor?" Babs asked me.
	"Look, I just got here a week ago and I'm shy... give me time."  I
tried to say with out sounding a little peeved, but I don't think I was
entirely successful from Babs slightly hurt expression.  "I'm sorry, Babs,
but..."
	She simply nodded.  "I'll go see how Feef's doing," she said and
excused herself with a kiss on Buster's cheek.
	"Well, the night seems to be going well for you," I observed.
	Buster let out a little nervous laugh and was about say something
when Plucky and Shirley came over.  "Hey, Buster how's it going?" said
Plucky.
	"Pretty good... and yourself?"
	"Well, good now... but I can't wait until afterwards... rrrrowl!"
He nudged and winked at Buster.
	Shirley overheard the comment.  "I told you, Pu-lucky, not yet!"
and she fwapped him over the head with her handbag.
	Plucky's head flattened and a big star floated up. "You okkay,
Plucky?" I asked.
	"Nah, I get this all the time....*thunk*," and with that, he fell
over.  Shirley walked over in a huff to Babs and Fifi, who where in the
middle of a conversation.
	Buster picked up Plucky and dusted him off.  "I'll go get him
cleaned up..." he said, and dragged his avian friend to the restroom, 
leaving me once again to my punch and thoughts.
	Unfortunately, my thoughts were interrupted by a very frightening
sound.  "ooooOOOOOOOoooo, lookit the cute foxy-woxy head!" Elmyra called
out from across the room, a personage I somehow managed to avoid for a
week.  She came running across the room towards me.  I felt it was my duty
to stand my ground, rather then have the rest of my night ruined by this
marauder.
	I hopped up on the chair and put my hand out.  "Stop!" I barked. 
Elmyra, dressed in a purple chiffon dress and the same skull in her hair,
dumbly came to a stop.  "Don't make me bite you!"
	"oooOOOO, the foxy-woxy has rabies, Nursie Elmyra can fix that!"
She did her little giggle.
	"Nonononono, Elmyra, you ninny, you don't want me... I-I-I can hurt
you."  I made a point to show off my sharp teeth.
	"ooooo, that's not good"  While she stood there pondering for a
moment, I decided to make my getaway, into the boys restroom.
	"Come back here, little foxy!  Darn!  I loose more aminals that
way..."
	I leaned against the door and breathed a sigh of relief.  Buster 
by now had revived and cleaned up Plucky.  Buster took a brief look at me.
"Elmyra?"
	"Elmyra," I replied.
	Buster gave a short laugh.  "You'll get used to her... in time."
	"Well, I know how to outsmart her... I've seen every episode..."
	Buster looked a little uncomfortable at that remark.  I changed the 
subject, "Are you two ready to rejoin the girls?"
	"Yeah, sure, I'm fine," Plucky shooed Buster away.  "I just hope
Shirley's calmed down enough."
	"You never learn, Duck, do you?" Buster commented.
	I peaked around the door to see if it was safe.  The coast looked
clear.  I hoped her attention had been captured by some other unfortunate
soul.  I boldly stepped out, when Elmyra leaped around the corner and
grabbed me.  "Gotcha, Mr. Foxy-woxy!"  Then she noticed Buster and Plucky
in the restroom.  She dropped me and exclaimed "ooOOOOOOOoooo, the cute
fuzzy blue bunny-wunny!"
	"Come on, Plucky!"  Buster high tailed it towards Babs and 
Shirley, grabbed their arms and disappeared onto the dance floor, leaving
Elmyra dizzy.
	"Come back here, fuzzy bunnies!" she called trailing after.
	I picked myself up, got a fresh cup of punch and settled back to
waiting, keeping a wary eye open for Elmyra.
	The night stretched on, and still no one came up to Fifi. 
Occasionally Plucky and/or Buster would come up to check up on me, but
nothing really changed.  Finally the DJ announced he would be playing the
last three songs for the night.  Fifi heaved a huge sigh at the
announcement.  She would spend her last prom without even a dance.
	That got to me.  I gathered up my courage finally and walked over
to her.  "Fifi, would you have this dance with me?" I asked with a slight
tremble in my voice.
	Fifi looked into my eyes and her face brightened.  "Mais oui,
Jamie..." she breathed, and we headed towards the dance floor.  It was a
medium paced song, so we could keep our distance.  I think she realized it
was gesture to friendship, but it certainly made her night.
	The song ended and we headed back to our seats.  She looked much
better, happier.
	Soon, after the last dance, the lights came up and the MC, Bugs,
came up the mike.  "That's all, folks!  Have a good night!"
	In the middle of the dance floor, a small group had gathered
around Plucky.  Fowlmouth was talking to him.  "Come on, Plucky, why not
take a danggum anvil, for old time sake?"
	"Oooooh, no, Fowlmouth... I will not take another anvil on my head
once I leave this place.  I'm going to be the star, not the sidekick," he
said with a sideways glance at Buster.
	"I dunno about that..." Buster replied, and with that one of the
papier-mache anvils came crashing down on Plucky.  The group applauded and
cheered.  I heard someone murmur, "No one can take an anvil like Plucky
Duck."
	I looked up to see Babs giggling in the lattice work.  "I just
can't help myself."  Toons... some of them never learn, or change.
	Buster helped get the anvil off Plucky, who despite his slightly
dazed state, still somehow managed to bow to the crowd.  "Thank you, thank
you.."  Buster dragged him along and rejoined the girls.  I tagged along,
and then we all headed out the exit.
	Plucky and Shirley and Buster and Babs quickly decided to go off
on their own for the rest of the night, leaving Fifi and me standing
there.  The two of us stood for a moment awkwardly.  "Sank you, for le
danse, Jamie..." Fifi said surprisingly shyly, then she gave a quick
peck on the cheek.
	I blushed and felt myself starting to melt a bit, which I quickly
suppressed.  In my confusion, Fifi walked off alone in the night.  I
watched her leave and reflected it wasn't such a bad night after all.
******
	Now there's two months left in the school year.  Soon many of my
new friends, people I though were purely fictitious just a few weeks ago,
will be leaving Acme Loo.  Maybe we'll see each other around town.  I
dunno.
	As for me, I have a new life to live.  I've got much to learn at
Acme Looniversity.  Maybe I won't be merely an extra, as I told Bugs.  I
really can't say.  I wonder if there's a market for nervous foxes?  I may
no longer be human, but I still have a living to learn.
	Why was I sent here?  I may never know.  Now, I'm not even sure if
I want to go back to being merely human.  Something about this life I now
live.  I may not been always like this, but somehow I think it was always
in me. 
	Your Faithful Servant, 
	Jamie Foxx


			The End


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