"No love future for Frank"
by N.Liberto (hitrat2k@yahoo.com)

This short fanfic is  Tiny Toons spoof of Back the Future (without all the time
travel & scientist stuff). It features a huge tall mouse by the name of Frank
Wilson as he goes to Acme Acres for the first time but is about to go the weirdest
experience of all time there as we see Frank enter a cafe Saturday morning
viewed by the inhabitants Frank is dressed in a Buffalo Bills jersey & blue jean
shorts, he is trying to locate his house...

Larry: (the cafe owner): Hey kid your team need something?
Frank: What?
Larry: What's with the jersey?
Frank: I just want to use the phone.
Larry: Yeah it's in the back.
(Frank heads to the back of the cafe looking in the phone book, he searches for
apartment guide, he calls the services up, and the services tell him what address to
go.)
Frank: Do you know where 1640 Riverside-
Larry: Are you gonna order something kid?
Frank: Yeah, gimme a tab.
Larry: Tab? I cannot give you a tab unless you order something.
Frank: Well then a Pepsi free.
Larry: You want a Pepsi, pal, you are gonna pay for it.
Frank: Well just gimme something without any sugar in it, okay?
Larry: Something without sugar...*nods*
(Larry gets Frank some cola without sugar)
(Frank sips the cola, giving Larry 2 dollars, Larry gives Frank some change)
(Frank scratches the back of his neck unnoticed to him sits a small pig that is
shorter then Frank named Hamton J Pig)
(Just then Montana Max & his goons-Dizzy Devil,Calamity Coyote&Arnold the
huge Pit Bull enter the cafe)
Montana: Hey Pig! What do you think you are doing? Hey I'm talking to you
Hamton you little hog!
(The bullies approach Hamton & a bewildered Frank)
Hamton: Oh hey, Montana, hey, guys, how are you doing?
Montana: You got my homework finished Pig?
Hamton:  Uh well Monty, I figured since it was due Monday-
*Montana laughs & grabs Hamton in a headlock*
Montana: Hello, hello, anybody home?  Think, Pig, think.  I gotta have time to
recopy it.  Do you realize what would happen if I hand in my homework in your
handwriting?  I'd get kicked out of school. You wouldn't want that to happen
would you, would you?
Hamton: Oh of course not Monty. I wouldn't want that to happen.
Montana: Uh, no, no, no,no. *notices Frank looking at them* *to Frank* What are
you looking at butt-head?
Dizzy: Hey Monty, get aload of this guy's jersey. Dork thinks he is gonna join the
team!
Montana: Yeah, well, how about that homework, Pig?
Hamton: Uh, well, okay Monty, uh, I'll finish that on up tonight and I'll bring it
over first thing tomorrow morning.
Monty: Hey not too early I sleep in Sundays, hey Pig, you're shoe's untied,*throws
his finger up Hamton's face* don't be so gullible, Pig.
Hamton: Okay.
Montana: I don't want to see you in here again.
(The bullies leave laughing their heads off)
Hamton: Yeah, allright, bye-bye.
(They get in Montana's car and Monty drives off)
(Back in the cafe Frank gives Hamton just about the weirdest look)
Hamton: *frustrated* *looks at Frank* What!
Frank: You are Hamton J. Pig
Hamton: Yeah, who are you?
(Silver Dixons interrupts the two)
Silver: Say Hamton why you let those guys push you around like that man?
Hamton: Cause they are bigger then me, Silver
Silver: Stand tall, Hamton, have some respect for yourself.  Don't you know that if
you let people walk all over you know, they'll be walking all over you for the rest
of your life!  Listen to me, do you think I'm gonna spend the rest of my life in this
slop house?
(Larry passes by hearing that comment picking up the bowls left on the tables)
Larry: Watch it Silver.
Silver: No sir, I'm gonna make something out of myself, I'm going to night school
and one day I'm gonna be somebody.
Frank: You could be mayor
Silver: Hmm...Mayor...that's a good idea. I'll run for mayor.
Larry: A feline mayor that'll be the day.
Silver: You wait and see, Mr.Brown. I will be mayor and I'll be the most powerful
mayor in the history of Acme Acres, and I'm gonna clean up this town.
Larry: Good, you could start by sweeping the floor.
(Larry hands Silver a broom)
Silver: *starts sweeping the floor* Mayor Silver Dixons, I like the sound of that.
(Frank notices that Hamton is gone, and he figured he could help Hamton, Frank
runs outside)
Frank: Hey Pig, Hamton, hey, you with the bike!
(Frank runs in the suburbs of town looking for Hamton & notices Hamton's bike
next to a tree with Hamton in the tree using binoculars to spy on a unknown girl
undressing in her room, Hamton inches closer on the branch getting a better look)
Frank: He is a peeping tom?
(Hamton falls off the branch right in a path of a oncoming vehicle)
Frank: Hamton!
(Frank shoves Hamton out of the way and Frank gets hit with the car instead with
Hamton not knowing what just happened)
(Roger Foxx, a British fox gets out of the car to see what happened)
Roger: Hey, wait a minute, who are you?
(Hamton runs away scared, Roger inspects the mouse he hit with the car)
Roger: Oh no...LIZ! Another one of these kids jumped in front of my car. Come
on out here and help me take him in this house!
(Hours have passed and Frank wakes up stirring in some bedroom, totally
disoriented)
Frank: Uhhhh, where am I?
Fifi: There there mousier just relax. You have been asleep for almost nine hours
now.
Frank: Am I in my new apartment?
(Fifi turns on the light, Fifi an adorable cute young teen female purple skunk
stands there eyeing Frank in love with him)
Fifi: No no cutey, vu are in my house. *giggles*
Frank: Who are you?
Fifi: Moi is Fifi La Fume. Who might you be you hunky gorgeous mouse?
(Frank slowly gets up)
Frank: I'm Frank Wilson.
Fifi: Frank...what a dreamy name.
Frank: Yours is very nice too if I do say so myself
(Fifi's mother-Liz Foxx knocks on the door)
Liz: Fifi, are you in there?
Fifi: Sacre blu, it's my mother. Act natural.
(Frank gets out both exit Fifi's room. Next scene-Fifi,Frank&Liz are walking
downstairs)
Liz:  So tell me, Frank, how long have you been on the team?
Frank:  Excuse me?
Liz: Yeah, I guessed you're a football quarterback, aren't you, that's why you wear
that bright nice blue jersey.
Frank: Uh, second string.
Liz: Roger, here's the young man you hit with your car out there.  He's all right,
thank heavens.
Roger: What were you doing in the middle of the street, a kid your age?
Liz: Don't pay any attention to him, he's in one of his moods.  Roger, quit fiddling
with that thing, come in here to dinner.  Now let's see, you already know Fifi, this
is Christian, this is Stephanie, that's Tommy, and over there in the playpen is little
baby Miles.
Frank: Nice family.
Liz: Aren't they? I've always dreamed of having one, with my beloved Roger.
Well Frank, I hope you like meatloaf.
Frank: It's a good dish
Fifi:  Sit here, Frank.
Liz:  Roger, quit fiddling with that thing and come in here and eat your dinner.
Roger: Ey look at this now we can watch the ball game boys and Liz. *Rog looks
to her grinning*
Liz: I know Fifi,Steph and I can see the champion figure skating. 
Fifi: Two TVs, how about that Frankie?
Frank: It's very nice.
Christian: Mom, why is Fifi looking at Frank like that for?
Liz: Well sweetie, Fifi must have a crush on Frank.
(the kids giggles,Frank blushes)
Roger: Well first time for everything there, eh Frank?
Frank: Yeah.
Christian: Are they gong to make out here?
Liz: Now Christian eat your dinner.
Christian: OK Mom.
Liz: You know Frank you look so familiar to me do I know your parents?
Frank: I have an Aunt Jill. 
Liz:  Oh, then I wanna give her a call, I don't want her to worry about you.
Frank: You can't, uh, that is, uh, nobody's home.
Liz:  Oh.
Frank:  Yet.
Liz:  Oh.
Frank: Uh listen, do you know where Riverside Drive is?
Roger: It's uh, the other end of town, a block past Maple.
Frank:  A block passed Maple, that's Depiester Drive.
Roger: Depiester Drive?
Fifi: Mama, with Frank's parents out of town, don't you think he oughta spend the
night,
after all, Dad almost killed him with the car.
Liz: That's true, Frank, I think you should spend the night.  I think you're our
responsibility.
Frank:  Well gee, I don't know.
Fifi:  He could sleep in my room.
Roger: Fifi...
Frank:  I gotta go, uh, I gotta go.  Thanks very much, it was wonderful, you were
all great.  See you all later, much later.
Liz: He's a very strange young man.
Roger: He is probably going through some tough times dear, after he is the new
kid on the block
Liz: I hope he will be allright.
Roger: He will be fine dear.
(As Frank leaves the house of Fox he settles into his new apartment and gets
ready for the upcoming school year. Time passes...)
(Frank walks towards the High School seeing that it is being cleaned up)
(Frank enters inside to see Buster Bunny and Plucky Duck talking, both then
notice Frank)
Buster: So you are the new kid huh?
Frank: That's right.
Plucky: Buster get aload of this guy. He is tall!
Buster: Yeah we could use him from getting beat up.
Frank: Hey you guys need I'm help, I'll be glad to oblige.
Plucky: Cool. My name is Plucky Duck, I loooove money! *winks*
Buster: I'm Buster Bunny!
(Babs Bunny peeks in the new comer)
Babs: And I'm Babs Bunny!
Buster and Babs: No relation!
Frank: Funny.
Babs: Oooo you *are* cute. Fifi said her guy is hot..but this guy sizzles.
Frank: Well I'm no showboater.
Babs: Modest too.
(Shirley the Loon interjects)
Shirley: Gah what a dreamboat! Fifi is like so lucky! His aura is so in tone.
Frank: What am I doing right and how am I getting this popularity?
Buster: Face it big guy, you are the newwest,hippest, coolest thing!
((All the nice toons gather around the big mouse wanting to talk to him, except
Hamton who is getting kicked around by jerks))
Hamton:  Okay, okay you guys, oh ha ha ha very funny.  Hey you guys are being
real mature. Okay, real mature guys. Okay, now will you pick up my books?
(Vice Principal Yosemite Sam walks up to Hamton not happy)
Sam: Hey Pig, what be your problem boy? Shape up.  Ya'll are a slacker.  Ya'll
wanna be a slacker for the rest of ya'll tarhootied life?
Hamton: No.
Frank: Why is Hamton getting kicked around like that?
Buster: Eh it's happened to him his whole life
Plucky: Hey Buster only I get to razz on Hamton
Babs: Frank, ya see Hamton hardly has any self esteem. He only stood up to
bullies once but that was only when Buster and I were hurt.
Shirley: Yeah drag, hey we better go tell Fifi her lover boy mouse is here.
(Babs & Shirley runs off giggling finding Fifi)
Frank: Well I'm gonna help Hamton.
Buster: I sure hope you can...with Fifi and all.
Plucky: Yeah Fifi was looking for a strong guy after Hamton just got to shy too
much.
Frank: Maybe I can bring Fifi and Hamton back together again.
Buster: You could...if you wanted to lose Fifi.
Frank: I'll risk it.
(Buster and Plucky walk to class confused)
(Frank walks over to help Hamton)
Frank: Hey Hamton, buddy, hey, I've been looking all over for you. You
remember me, the guy who saved your life the other day.
Hamton: I think so. You also gave me a weird look in the cafe too
Frank: Nevermind that, maybe I can make it up to by getting you and Fifi back
together again?
Hamton: You would do that for me?
Frank: Well sure why not? Come on.
(Frank guides Hamton over to Fifi)
Fifi: Frankie!
Frank: Hey Fifi you remember Hamton here?
Hamton: Hi Fifi good to see you again.
(Fifi looks at Hamton for about a second then turns her whole attention to Frank)
Fifi: How is your head Frankie?
Frank: Well uh, good, fine.
(Hamton dejected lurks away from the scene to class)
Fifi:  Oh, I've been so worried about you ever since you ran off the other night. 
Are you
okay?  
(The class bell rings)
Fifi: I'm sorry I have to go. Isn't he a dream boat?
(The girls run off to class)
Frank: She didn't care. I sure got my work cut out for me...what to do.
(Gogo the Dodo walks up to Frank)
Gogo: Excuse me but do you have a hall pass big cheese? 
Frank: Oh you must be the hall monitor. Well my class doesn't begun until next
hour.
(Frank shows Gogo his schedule)
Gogo: Oh you don't sayyyyyyyyyy.
Frank: Well it says it right there.
Gogo: Boy have you got allot to learn
(Gogo runs off snickering looking for late comers)
Frank: This school is nuts.
(Frank notices a dancer poster up)
Frank: Hmm...this is my chance to get Fifi and Hamton back together again.
(Hours later after Frank devises a plan; lunch time occurs, Frank spots Hamton
and sits down)
Frank: Hamton, buddy. What are you writing?
Hamton:  Uh, cartoons, my own cartoons about a strange hog/pig world that
invades earth
Frank:  Get out of town, I didn't know you did anything creative.  Ah, let me read
some.
Hamton:  Oh, no no no, I never uh, I never let anybody read my cartoons.
Frank:  Why not?
Hamton: Well, what if you said you didn't like them, what if you told me I was no
good.  I guess that would be pretty hard for somebody to understand.
Frank: Uh no, not hard at all.  So anyway, Hamton, now Fifi, she really likes you. 
She told me to tell you that she wants you to ask her to the Mermaid Sea Lilly
Dance.
Hamton: Are you sure this time Frank?
Frank: Oh yeah, all you gotta do is go over there and ask her.
Hamton:  What, right here right now in the cafeteria?  What is she said no?  I don't
know if I could take that kind of rejection.  Besides, I think she'd rather go with
somebody else.
(While the 2 are discussing the dance subject, Montana and his goons arrive at
Fifi, Shirley and Babs table)
Frank: Who?
Hamton: *points at Montana*Monty.
(Frank sees the happens, Montana is touching Fifi)
Montana:  C'mon, c'mon.
Fifi: Leave moi alone.
Montana: You want it, you know you want it, and you know you want me to give
it to you.
Fifi: *irratated she slaps Montana*Shut your filthy mouth, I'm not that kind of
girl.
Montana: Well maybe you are and you just don't know it yet.
Fifi: Get your money grabbing hands off of moi!
(Frank steps up angry)
Frank: You heard her she said get your money grabbing hands off of her.
Montana: So what's it to you, butthead?
(Monty shoves Frank) 
Montana: You know you've been looking for a--
(Monty shoves Frank again, Frank grabs Montana as does Monty)
(VP Sam stops them)
Montana: Since you're new here, I'm gonna cut you a break, today.  So why don't
you make like a tree, and get out of here.
(some funny toons throw a spitball that goes pass Sam  and they laugh at it, Sam
goes over to displicne them)
(After school Hamton is walking home, Frank runs after him) 
Frank: Hamton!
Hamton: Why do you keep following me around?
Frank: Look, Hamton, I'm telling you Hammy, if you do not ask Fifi to that dance,
you are gonna regret it for the rest of your life.
Hamton: But I can't go to the dance, I'll miss my favorite television program,
"Swine Search"!
Frank: Yeah but Hamton, Fifi wants to go with you. Give her a break.
Hamton: Look, I'm just not ready to ask Fifi out to the dance, and not you, nor
anybody else on this planet is gonna make me change my mind.
(Hamton walks off to his house, leaving Frank there brewing with another idea
that Hamton mentioned in the cafeteria)
Frank: Hog/pig world eh?
(Later, that night Frank appears in a hog like Pummba costume standing over
Hamton with several lights appearing behind him)
(Hamton wakes with a gasp)
Hamton: *trembling*Who-who-who are you?
(Frank snorts just like a hog scaring Hamton even further)
Frank: Silence Earthling!  My name is Mista Piggy!  I'm am an extra-terrestrial
from the Planet Su-wee!
(Moring- the next afternoon Hamton is looking for Frank)
(Hamton spots him and runs up to him)
Hamton: Frank! Frank! Frank!
Frank:  Hey, Hamton, buddy, you weren't at school, what have you been doing all
day?
Hamton:  I over slept, look I need your help.  I have to ask Fifi out but I don't
know how to do it.  
Frank:  Alright, okay listen, keep your over-alls on, she's over in the café.
(Frank struggles to get a soda open)  
Frank: How do you get this soda open?  
(He gives it to Hamton and Hamton gladly opens it for him, Frank takes the soda
and sips it)
Frank: What made you change your mind,Hamton?
Hamton:  Last night, Mista Piggy came down from Planet Su-wee.  And he told
me that if I didn't take Fifi, that he'd drown me in slop.
Marty:  Yeah, well uh, lets keep this you drowning in slop stuff to ourselves,
okay?

Hamton:  Oh, yeah, yeah.
Frank:  Alright, okay.  All right, there she is, Hamton.  Just go in there and invite
her.
Hamton:  Okay, but I don't know what to say.
Frank:  Just say anything, Hamton, say what ever's natural, the first thing that
comes to your mind.
Hamton:  Nothing's coming to my mind.
Frank: Try, come on
Hamton: Can you help me?
Frank: Ok,ok,ok, look tell her destiny has brought you together, tell her that
she's the most beautiful you have ever seen. Girls like that stuff.
(As the 2 are walking towards the cafe Hamton is writing that down) 
Frank: What, what are you doing Hamton?
Hamton:  I'm writing this down, this is good stuff.
Frank: Yeah okay.
(As the 2 walk up to the cafe doors Frank helps Hamton spruce up and make him
more presentable)
Hamton: Oh.
Frank:  Let's go.
Hamton: Oh.
(Frank points out a wrinkle on Hamton's over-alls)
Frank: Will you take care of that?
(Both enter the cafe, there are several teens in there ordering food and talking,
Hamton stands there nervous, Frank gives him a gentle nudge forward, Hamton
goes to the counter)
Hamton: Larry, gimme a milk, chocolate. 
(Larry serves a chocolate milk to Hamton, Hamton drinks it and goes forward to
Fifi and speaks up to her) 
Hamton: Fifi, my density has popped me to you.
(Fifi looks confused at Hamton, Frank looks at the two over his shoulder at the
counter just a few inches away)
Fifi: What?
Hamton: Oh, what I meant to say was-
(Fifi smiles)
Fifi:  Hey, don't I know vu from somewhere?
(Fifi giggles)
Hamton: Yes, yes, I'm Hamton, Hamton J. Pig, your long time friend, and I'm your
density. I mean, I'm your destiny.
Fifi: *dryly*Oh...
((Just then Montana and his goons walk into the cafe with Calamity turning off
the boom box))
Montana:  Hey, Pig!
Frank: *looking frustrated and irritated* Crud...
Montana:  *walking towards Hamton and shoves Plucky out of the way*I thought
I told you never to come in here.  Well it's gonna cost you.  How much money you
got on you?
Hamton: Well Monty, how much do you want?
(Frank trips Montana as he is walking towards Hamton)
(Montana is tripped and the crowd is in awe)
Montana: *gets up and stares Frank in the face* All right, punk, now-
Frank: Whoa, whoa, Monty, what's that?
(points in a direction, Montana looks and Frank hard punches Montana right
square into the jaw causing Montana to fall on his goons. Buster starts up the
music)
(Fifi sees it and is over come with joy)
Fifi: Le sigh Frank Wilson, oh my fluttering heart, he's a dream.
(Frank dashes out of the cafe seeing lil mouse kid with inline skates)
Frank:  Whoa, whoa, kid, kid, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Lil Sneezer:  Hey. Whatca want? *smiles*
Frank: Can I borrow your skates?
Lil Sneezer: Sure! : ) 
(Frank puts them on noticing that these skates fits any size. Frank zooms off) 
Lil Sneezer: Wow, look at him go. He is great!
(Lil Sneezer's feet suddenly get cold and he wiggles his toes)
Lil Sneezer: Oh dear...
(Lil Sneezer sneezes a huge one at objects over at the chase between Frank and the goons)
Lil Sneezer: Ah...ah...ah...CHOOOOOOOO!!!!! Bless me *sniffle* : )
(Montana and his goons watch Frank zooming)
Montana: Let's get him!
(Montana and the goons get in Montana's car following Frank)
(The teens watch Frank on the skates way ahead of Montana and the goons) 
Shriley: Gasp! That's like one fast tall mouse!
Plucky: He could be a great sports player.
Fifi: He's an absolute dream. *blows a kiss to Frank watching from the cafe*
(Montana drives faster after Frank with Dizzy, Calamity and Arnold throwing
stuff at Frank with Frank easily dodging the stuff)
Arnold the Pit Bull: Stupid dumb mouse!
(Frank laughs but sees what's ahead several obstacles as he dodges them as best as
possible but kinda getting hit at the same time)
Frank:  Ah!  Whoa!!!
(Frank falls down and Montana stops the car a few yards away from Frank ready
to hit him)
Montana: I'm gonna ram him!
(Frank gets up and skates towards Montana's car and at the last second Frank spin
flips over Montana's car with the 4 of them dazed at what Frank just did,
unnoticed to Montana he drives himself, Dizzy, Calamity and Arnold into a
manure truck)
Montana, Dizzy, Arnold: Crud!
(Calamity holds up a sign that says "Crud!")
(Frank watches and laughs. Several teens come out of the cafe and smell the
manure from Montana's car)
(Silver Dixons runs up close)
Silver: Oooooooh! *holding his nose not liking the smell*
(Frank exhausted and sweating takes off his jersey and the in-line skates and gives
the skates back to Lil Sneezer. Frank stands there just in shorts with his muscular
upper chest[something for the ladies])
Frank: Thanks a lot, kid.
Lil Sneezer: Will you sign them for me, please? I want to be just like you when I
grow up! : )
(Lil Sneezer hugs Frank's legs)
Frank: Sure thing kid.
(Frank signs them, Lil Sneezer runs off happy and smiling)
Lil Sneezer: Thanks ^^ : )
(scene goes over at Montana's car)
Montana: I'm gonna get that stinking punk.
(scene goes over to the cafe)
Shirely: Like, where does he come from?
Babs: Yeah, where does he live?
Fifi: I don't know, but I'm gonna find out.
(Hamton lurks out again)
(Next scene Thursday evening Frank's cousin "The Hitrat" decided to call Frank
long distance to see how Frank was doing in school, Hitrat(a 6ft 2in gopher) was
sitting in his office in Pittsburgh relaxing back in his recliner)
[Pittsburgh]
Hitrat: So Frank, how goes school life?
[Frank's Apartment]
Frank: Going pretty good Jim(Hitrat's real name) can't complain really. My grades
are great and my popularity is very high.
[Pitts]
Hitrat: How neat. Anything else?
[Frank's]
Frank: Well there is this female skunk that likes me allot...
[Pitts]
Hitrat: Let me guess-Roger Foxx's kid-Fifi.
[Frank's]
Frank: Bullseye, cous. She is the best but I wanna get her back with Hamton at the
next school dance..
[Pitts]
Hitrat: *now has a shocked look on his face, he straightens up in his chair*Frank,
have you lost your mind? You got a sweet girl there and you want her to go back
to this Hamton guy?
[Frank's]
Frank: Yeah cause I want Hamton to build up his self esteem and have another
chance with Fifi.
[Pitts]
Hitrat: That means you are giving her up Frank.
[Frank's]
Frank: I realize the consequences Jim, but I just feel like it's the right thing to do.
[Pitts]
Hitrat: Ok Frank, if you know best. By the way our Aunt Jill is back from her
European vacation.
[Frank's]
Frank: That's good.
(Frank sees someone coming up the apartments and this person is very familiar to
him)
Frank: Jim I'll have to call you back OK? 
[Pitts] 
Hitrat: Ok Frank, you take care of yourself allright?
[Frank's]
Frank: I will, see ya.
[Pitts]
Hitrat: Bye *hags up*
[Frank's]
Frank: Bye *hangs up*  I figured she would be coming here.
(there is a knock at the door)
Frank: Better play it cool. *opens the door*
(there stands Fifi standing in the door way smiling)
(Frank invites her in)
Fifi: Hi,Frank.
Frank: Uh, Fifi. How did you know I was here?
Fifi: I followed you.
Frank: How nice...
Fifi: Was that bad of moi?
Frank: Oh no. It's allright.
Fifi: Frank, this may seem a little foreword, but I was wondering if you would ask
me to the Mermaid Sea Lilly Dance on Saturday.
Frank: Uh, you mean nobody's asked you?
Fifi: No, not yet.
FrankWhat about Hamton?
Fifi: Hamton?  Oh, he's kinda nice and all, but, well, I think a man should be
strong,
so he could stand up for himself, and protect the woman he loves.  Don't you?
FrankYeah.
(Scene changes to Hamton's house, Frank is helping Hamton with Pig laundry
clothing)
Hamton: I still don't understand, how am I supposed to go to the dance with her, if
she's already going to the dance with you.
Frank: Cause, Hamton, she wants to go to the dance with you, she just doesn't
know it yet.  That's why we got to show her that you, Hamton J. Pig, are a fighter. 
You're somebody who's gonna stand up for yourself, someone who's gonna protect
her.
Hamton: Yeah, but I never picked a fight in my entire life.
Frank: Your not gonna be picking a fight, Hammy. You're coming to a rescue,
right?  Okay, let's go over the plan again.  8: 55, where are you gonna be?
Hamton: I'm gonna be at the dance.
Frank: Right, and where am I gonna be?
Hamton: You're gonna be in the car with her.
Frank: Right, okay, so right around 9: 00 she's gonna get very angry with me.
Hamton: Why is she gonna get angry with you?
Frank: Well, because Hamton, nice girls get angry when guys take advantage of
them.
Hamton: Ho, you mean you're gonna touch her on her-
Frank;No, no, Hamton, look, it's just an act, right?  Okay, so 9: 00 you're strolling
through the parking lot, you see us struggling in the car, you walk up, you open
the door and you say, your line, Hamton.
Hamton: *remembering his lines* Oh, uh, hey you, get your hands off her.  Do
you really think I should be mean?
Frank: Yes, definitely, Hamton, be mean.  Okay, so now, you come up, you punch
me in the stomach, I'm out for the count, right?  And you and Fifi live happily
ever after.
Hamton: Oh, you make it sound so easy.  I just, I wish I wasn't so scared.
Frank: Hamton, there's nothing to be scared of.  All it takes is a little self
confidence.  You know, if you put your mind to it, you could accomplish
anything.
(The next night is the dance where several teens Buster and Babs, Plucky and
Shirley are dancing with each other, among others, inside the dance hall with the
Birdsalis are playing the hit jazzy tune "Night Train" up on stage, we then turn to
Hamton observing the time on the clock, watching it and seeing what food they
have. Outside the parking lot, Frank and Fifi have arrived at the dance)
Frank:  Do you mind if we park for a while?
Fifi: That's a great idea.  I'd love to park.
Frank:  Huh?
Fifi: Well, Frank, I'm in my mid teens, it's not like I've never parked before.
Frank:  What?
Fifi: Frankie, mon cherie, you seem so nervous, is something wrong?
Frank: No no. 
(Fifi gets out snack foods, Frank notices and tries to discourage her from eating it) 
Frank: Fifi, what are you doing?
Fifi: The other girls and I got these great snack foods
Frank: You shouldn't eat so much of that.
Fifi: Why not?
Frank:  Because, you might regret it later in life.
Fifi: Oh Frankie, I'm terribly sorry. I have a craving for these foods sometimes.
(Fifi nonchalety hands the snacks to Frank while he takes just a lil, then she goes
for a can of soda)
Frank: *glances at her again*Soda pop too?
Fifi: I know, it's my diet that gets to moi sometimes.
(Scene changes to the Dance inside)
Mike Birdsalis: We're gonna take a little break but we'll be back in a while so,
don't nobody go no where.
(Back outside)
Fifi: Frankie, why are you so nervous?
Frank: Fifi, have you ever, uh, been in a situation where you know you had to act
a certain
way but when you got there, you didn't know if you could go through with it?
Fifi: Oh, you mean how you're supposed to act on a first date?
Frank: Ah well, sort of.
Fifi: I think I know exactly what you mean.
Frank: You do?
Fifi: You know what I do in those situations?
Frank:  What?
Fifi:  I don't worry.
(Fifi kisses Frank big time on the lips but stops as she is dissapointed)
Fifi: Sacre blu...this is all wrong.  I don't know what it is but when I kiss you, it's
like kissing my brother.  I guess that doesn't make any sense, does it?
Frank: Believe me, it makes perfect sense.
Fifi: *hears someone approaching,starts worrying* Some one is coming...
(Montana Max and his goons arrive at Frank's car, Monty opens the door and
grabs a hold of Frank)
Montana: You cost too much damage to my car, cheese breathe.  And I'm gonna
make you pay for it.  Hold him.
(Monty tosses Frank to his goons)
Fifi: Let him go, Montana, you're ruining our date!
(Monty sees Fifi and enters the car)
Montana: Well looky what we have here.  No no no, you're staying right here with
me.
Fifi: Stop it!
Montana: C'mon.
Fifi: Stop it.
Montana:  C'mon.
Frank: Leave her alone, you spoiled teen!
Montana: You guys, take him in back and I'll be right there.
(The goons hold Frank, just staring at Monty taking advantdge of Fifi)
Montana: Well go on, this ain't no peep show!
(Arnold the Pit Bull decks Frank in the gut and Dizzy head butts Frank on his
back carrying him away, Calamity points Dizzy and Arnold to a lone car behind
the school)
Dizzy:  Let's put him in there.
Arnold the Pitt Bull: Yeah.
Dizzy: That's for messing up my fur!
(The three dump Frank in the open trunk of the car)
Lorenzo Birdsalis:  What do think you are doing to my car?
Arnold the Pitt Bull: Hey beat it, puny feather duster, this don't concern you.
Mike Birdsalis: Who are you calling feather duster, muscle brains?
(The rest of the birds get out of the car)
Dizzy:  Hey, hey listen guys.  Look, I don't wanna mess with no big birds, okay?
Mike Birdsalis: *starts slapping Dizzy upside the head*Go home to Tasmania to
your mama, boy!
(Frank pounds on the door of the trunk)
Frank: Hey, open up, let me out of here, Yo.
Mike Birdsalias: Lorenzo, where're your keys?
Frank: The keys are in the trunk.
Mike Birdsalias:  Say that again.
Frank:  I said the keys are in here.
(Hamton runs out to the parking lot up to Frank's car where he sees a struggle. He
opens  up the car but is surprised)
Hamton:  Hey you, get your hands off, oh my...
Montana: *stops struggling with Fifi*I think you got the wrong car, Pig.
Fifi: Hamton, help moi, please.
Montana:  Just turn around, Pig, and walk away.  Are you deaf, Pig?  Close the
door and beat it.
Hamton:  No, Monty, you leave her alone.
(Monty gets out of the car) 
Montana:  All right, Pig, you're asking for it, and now you're gonna get it.
(Hamton attempts a swing at Monty but Monty grabs his fist and holds Hamton's
arm to his back)
Fifi: Montana, stop it. Montana, you're breaking his arm. Montana, stop.
(Scene switches to behind the school. Mike is jiggling the knife to open the trunk
door)
Mike Birdsalias:  Give me a hand, Lorenzo.
(Mike slices his wing accidently) 
Mike: Ow, blast, man, I cut my wing.
(The door opens and Frank holds the keys)
Frank:  Who's are these?
Lorenzo: Mine
(Frank gives Lorenzo the keys and gives them back to Lorenzo, Frank takes off to
the front of the parking lot)
Frank: Thanks, thanks a lot.
(Scene goes back to the parking lot with Frank on his way)
(Hamton is still being twisted by Monty)
Fifi: You're gonna break his arm.  Montana, leave him alone.  Let him go.  Let
him go.
(Fifi jumps on Monty's back trying to make Monty let go. Monty just shooves Fifi
down. Monty laughs hysterically. Hamton gets angry, balls up a fist and punches
Monty KOing him)
(Hamton surprised again smiling, but regains his composer helping up Fifi)
Hamton:  Are you okay?
(Hamtons helps up Fifi who she is starried eyed escorting him back in)
(Franks smiles but in amazement)
(Several others gather around)
Babs: Hamton knocked out Montana...
Buster: Hamton did that?
Shirley the Loon: Wow like good job Hamton.
Bugs Bunny: I got bad news kids, looks like the dance might be cancelled.
Frank: Why?
Daffy: It looks like one of the musicians back there is injured.
Frank: Maybe I can help him.
Bugs: Ok kid if you can help the guy, the dance is on. Everyone back inside.
Frank: Excuse me.
(Frank runs off to find the musicians)
Frank:  Hey guys, you gotta get back in there and finish the dance.
(Winton shows Frank, Mike's bandged up wing)
Winton Birdsalis:  Hey man, look at Mike's wing.  He can't play with his hands
like that, and we can't play without him.
Frank: Yeah well look, Mike, Mike, you gotta play. I told Principal Bunny that if I
can help you then the dance is on, but if I can't... 
Mike Birdsalis: Hey man, the dance is over.  Only way you could help me now is
if you know someone else who could play the guitar.
(Scene changes inside the school gymnasium with Frank playing  the gutair and
keeping his eyes on Hamton and Fifi with Mike singing a love song)
Mike: This is for all you lovers out there.
(Band plays the classic "Earth Angel") 
Fifi: Hamton, aren't you gonna kiss me?
Hamton:  I, I don't know.
Gogo the Dodo:  Scram, Pig. I'm cutting in...
Frank: Oh no...
(Gogo pushes Hamton away and dances wildly with Fifi and laughs)
Fifi: Hamton!  Hamton!
Frank: It can't end like this...
Hamton: Excuse me.
(Hamton pushes Gogo away and Hamton kisses Fifi deeply and passionately)
(The song ends and Mike is impressed with Frank)
Mike Birdsalis:  Yeah man, that was good.  Let's do another one.
Frank: Uh, no thanks...
Mike Bardsalis:  C'mon man, let's do something that really cooks.
Frank: Something that really cooks. All right, all right this is an oldie, but uh, it's
an oldie where I'm from.  Alright guys, let's do some blues riff in b, watch me for
the changes, and uh, try and keep up, okay.
(Frank has the band playing a rock version of "Beginning" from Castlevania III
with a hint a jazz)
(Plucky dances right up to Fifi and Hamton while dancing with Shirley)
Plucky:  Hey Hamton heard you laid out Monty, nice going.
Shirley: Like Plucky, keep your mind on your dancing.
(About the near end of the song Frank goes wild with the song and the other
muscians and the students gawk at Frank weirdly. Frank stops)
Frank:  I guess you guys aren't ready for that yet. It might be a favorite sooner or
later.
(Frank walks off the stage to meet up with Fifi and Hamton)
Frank: Fifi.
Fifi: Frank, that was very interesting music.
Frank:  Uh, yeah.
Fifi:  I hope you don't mind but Hamton asked if he could take me home.
Frank:  Great good, good, Fifi, I had a feeling about you two.
Fifi:  I have a feeling too. : )
Frank:  Listen, I gotta go but I wanted to tell you that it's been educational.
Fifi: Frank, will we ever see you again?
Frank: I guarantee it. There is always next semester.
Hamton: *shakes Frank's paw*Well, Frank I want to thank you for all your good
advice, I'll never forget it.
Frank: *shakes Hamton's hand* Right, Hamton.  Well, good luck you guys.
Hamton, remember what I told you. 
Hamton: I won't forget Frank.
((Next scene-Frank's apartment later that night))
((Frank stands out on the balcony looking at the stars and realizes he gave up Fifi
for a noble cause. He knows though however that this wasn't the end, only the
beginning-the beginning of a great future for himself))

                                                         THE END
Cast
Frank Wilson-Peter Kelamis
Fifi LaFume Foxx-Kath Souice
Hamton J. Pig-Hadley Kay
Montana Max-Danny Cooksey
Larry the cafe owner-Ed Asner
Silver Dixons-Chris Rock
Lil Sneezer-Kath Souice
Dizzy Devil-Maurcie La Marchie
Arnold the Pit Bull-Rob Paulsen
Calamity Coyote-(no voice just starred in this fic)
Buster Bunny-John Kassir
Babs Bunny-Tress Macneille
Plucky Duck-Joe Alaskey
Shirley the Loon-Gail Matthus
Yosemite Sam-Maurice La Marchie
"The Hitrat"James Quincy Groundchuck-N.Liberto
Bugs Bunny-Greg Burson
Daffy Duck-Joe Alaskey
The Birdsalis Band-Mike-Phil LaMarr,Lorenzo-Tim Meadows,Al-(no voice just
starred in this fic),Tony-(no voice just starred in this fic)
Roger Foxx-Maxwell Caufield
Liz Foxx-Liz Gutzweiller
Christian Foxx-Nathan Ruegger 
Stephanie Foxx-(no voice just starred in this fic)
Tommy Foxx-(no voice just starred in this fic) 
baby Miles Foxx-(no voice just starred in this fic)