THE NEWCOMER (THE ACME LOO-NEY BEGINNING) by Lee M. Withers E-mail: leewithers@tcfn.org It was the start of another school year at Acme Looniversity, that institution of higher learning (and lower comedy), and nobody thought that anything was out of the ordinary as the day began. At least, not at first. But as the Toonsters would soon learn, this would not be a typical "business as usual" Monday. A familiar blue bunny in a red sweater was already on the top of the steps leading up to the circular entrance of Acme Loo... and he was, as usual, just a little too cheery for Monday. "Hiya, Toonsters!" Buster said to the rest of his classmates who were filing by him, ignoring him completely. If Buster noticed this, he didn't let on. He continued his introductory spiel. "...and welcome to the start of another year at Acme Looniversity! I'm Buster Bunny! And..." At that point, a young, pink female rabbit in a yellow blouse and purple skirt joined him. "And I'm Babs Bunny!..." "Yeah, yeah, we _know_, already...no freakin' relation!" The rude voice that sounded like gravel rattling in a can came from the richest spoiled brat in all of Acme Acres, who was making his way out of a stretch limo. "Hi, Monty," the Bunnies said in unison, "nice to see you, too?" "GRRRR..." Montana Max replied. Babs turned to Buster. "The shock therapy must not have worked." Monty ignored her and spoke to Buster. "For crying out loud, can't you two come up with a _new_ intro? TTA has been outta production for _years_!" Buster's eyes narrowed. "It _might_ come back!" he growled. There was something about that sentence that made Monty think he should back off. Maybe it was Buster's delivery. Maybe it was the out-of- character fierce look on the blue bunny's face. Or, maybe it was the way he grabbed that little weasel Monty by his jacket lapels and... "Buster?" Babs asked. "Yeah, Babsie?" "ROPE IT IN!" she yelled in his ears. Clearing her throat, she turned to the camera. "I've _always_ wanted to say that!" "Hokay!" Buster smiled, releasing his grip on Monty. "By the way, that brings up something," Babs began. Buster and Monty both finished her sentence. "Let's hope it ain't your breakfast!" they said. Babs was only slightly annoyed. "I'll overlook that," she said. "But why _are_ we still atttending Acme Loo if the show's off the air?" Buster would have answered her, but his attention was drawn to a black and chrome Harley that pulled up to the steps. His attention was also drawn to the beautiful rabbit who was getting off the cycle and making her way up the steps. Even in her faux leathers, Buster could tell that this rabbit was definitely assembled in all the right places. Removing her helmet, she proved to be even more stunning: alluring blue/green eyes, a small mouth, and a definite aura of sex appeal. "Excuse me," she said. Buster sighed, and responded to this vision of loveliness with the trademark sophistication with which the name "Buster Bunny" had become long associated with. "Homina-homina-homina-homina," he drooled. Babs and Monty exchanged looks that said, "Oh, puh-_leeze_!" The newcomer spoke again. "Pardon me, can someone tell me where I can find the Dean's office?" "Homina-homina-homina-homina," Buster drooled. "Pardon me for a sec," Babs told the new arrival. The pink bunny went into a spin-take, finally emerging as Julia Child, holding a ridiculously large flatiron. "To-dayyyyy," she said, "we are going to prepare a dish that anyone with an ounce of jealousy in their body can make." With that, she dropped the flatiron on Buster's head with a resounding "CLANG!" "Todayyyyy's recipe," Babs continued, "'Pressed Rabbit'!" "Ooooh, I _must_ get that recipe!" gushed Max, making anime girly eyes and rubbing his hands in greedy anticipation. "...ow..." said Buster. The newcomer laughed at this ridiculous display of Monday gone amuck. "So _you're_ Babs and Buster!" she said. "That's us," Buster said, rubbing his head and finally regaining his wits. "You know, I _loved_ that show you were on," the new arrival said. "Why they ever cancelled it, I'll never..." Her thoughts were interrupted as the "Animaniacs" theme played, and the Warners--followed by Ralph the Guard--made a mad dash around them, and then disappeared just as quickly as they came, taking their music with them. Babs turned toward the camera again, with a complete look of disgust on her face. "I really _hate_ those toons," she griped. The newcomer smiled again. "Well. And this _has_ to be Montana Max," she said, offering a gloved paw to him. "Careful, you might not get that thing back," Buster cautioned. "Oh, ha-ha, rabbit," Monty sneered... then he took his first really good look at the new toon. Monty didn't believe in dating outside of his own species--what species that happened to be, nobody knew or cared--but at that precise moment, as he gazed at the girl bunny who was giggling in a come hither type giggle, Monty told himself he could easily be persuaded. He immediately went into an "Avery Ah-OOO-gah," and repeated Buster's earlier statement: "Homina-homina-homina- homina..." Picking up the flatiron, Buster dropped it on Monty's foot. "Down, boy, down," he said, a benign expression on his furry face. When she finally stopped laughing, the newcomer wiped some tears from her eyes. "Oh, this is _great_! I'm gonna like being here!" "Oh? Pardon my saying so, but, aren't you a little old to be a student?" asked Babs. "Student? Oh, no, Babs... I'm going to be on the faculty... I hope. That's why I'm looking for Bugs. How do I get to his office?" "Just go to the reception desk, ask Daphne Duck, who in turn will page Sylvia--she's Bugs's secretary--and she in turn will introduce you to the big guy himself," said Buster. "Thanks, guys," the new rabbit said, as she entered the building. Looking over her shoulder, she said, "It was really nice meeting you." "Nice meeting you, too," Babs replied. "Oh, by the way... you didn't tell us _your_ name." "I _didn't_? I'm sorry," the new girl said, smiling. "My name is... Lola." -0- As Buster, Babs and Monty made their way through the crowded halls of Acme Loo, they were met by some of their friends... well, Buster and Babs's friends, anyway. Monty could have cared less. "Hey, Babsie," Plucky said a little too loudly, "you'd better keep as eye on 'Mr. Popular' from now on..." Babs dismissed the green duck's remark with a casual laugh. "Oh, you mean Lola? We've already met. She seems like a nice girl. Besides, Buster's been warned... _haven't_ you, dear?" "Drop it, can we just drop it?" Buster griped, his head still smarting from that flatiron. "So, have any of you guys met her yet?" asked Babs. "No," replied the pretty black teenager named Mary Melody, who was without question the most normal student at the Looniversity. "However, rumor has it from unconfirmed sources that Ms. Lola Jean Bunny, age 20-- also unconfirmed--will be seeking a position on the faculty of Acme Looniversity. Ms. Bunny--if that _is_ her real name, graduated from some place called LTU with honors, and attended on a combined academic and athletic scholarship..." The other toonsters just sighed. "You just can't _wait_ to get into TV news, can you?" Monty asked. "Sorry," Mary said with an embarrassed laugh. "Force of habit." "Don't apologize, Mary," said Fifi LaFume. "Vous will make a great anchor du newscast someday..." Buster couldn't resist. "Hey, Mary, while you're up, make one for me, too! I hear they're really eas-" "BUSTER!" snapped Babs. "Sorry," he lied. At that moment, Hamton looked at the hall clock. "Say, shouldn't we be getting to first period?" he said. Plucky draped a wing around the pig's shoulder. "My friend, the worry wart," Plucky said dryly. Mary turned to Babs. "Can you get warts from pigs?" "If you do, worry," Babs replied. "I'll ignore that," Hamton sighed, as the Toonatics all made their way down the hall to their first class of the day. Plucky, of course, was the first to complain about the new course being offered. "Would someone please remind me why in the heck we have to take American History? I thought we were here to learn to be toon stars! What is so funny about American History?" the green duck griped. "Get a clue, take a hint, buy a vowel, Pluckster!" said Buster. "Warner Bros. Cartoons are loaded with Historical Parodies. But you can't really nail them convincingly unless you understand just what it is you're kidding." "Yeah, and that's why Bugs added the class this year," added Babs. Plucky, however, remained unconvinced. "And none of you believe that the _only_ reason he did that is so his 'main squeeze' would have something to do?" he replied. Mary shot the duck an angry glance. "And just _what_ have you got against Honey Bunny?" Plucky, not knowing when to quit, said, "You mean besides her being as dull as dishwater?" "Oh, like, she is _not_!" snapped Shirley. "She's rather nice..." "Look in the dictionary for the word 'nice,'" Plucky replied. "You'll see Honey's picture next to the line, 'see also: DULL.'" "Oh, please, Plucky," Mary sighed. "You can't equate 'nice' with 'dull'..." "Why not? I'm an American," Plucky said. "Don't go knocking Honey," cautioned Babs. "She's probably the most level-headed toon on the whole faculty." "Flat-topped is more like it," groused Plucky. "I've seen her in a bikini, Plucky," grinned Buster. "Believe me, there's _nothing_ flat about..." "BUSTER!!!" screamed Babs. "Oops, heh-heh...SOR-ry," he lied again. This could have gone on all day, and might have, except for the sudden appearance of Gogo Dodo out of the hallway clock. "Cukoo! Cukoo! If you don't get your tails to class, you'll be..." "Cukoo?" Babs asked warily. "No," Gogo said, "...TARDY!" "Well, you heard him, troop!" smiled Buster. "Let's move out!" The Toonatics paraded out the entrance of Acme Loo, hauling furniture to a large van, before Buster stopped them with "I DIDN'T MEAN _THAT_!!!" Reluctantly, the Toonatics returned the furniture to the reception area, as Daphne Duck just shook her head, and went looking for some Tylenol. "Let's try this again," Buster smirked. "Ahem...'You heard him, troop! Let's move out!" Recognizing a cue when she heard it, Babs went into another spin change, emerging as Patton. Fortunately, she was in front of the American flag, so the effect was even more convincing. "God, I LOVE the smell of chalk dust in the morning!" she said in a George C. Scott voice. The other Toonatics applauded as Mary and Fifi handed her a bouquet of ragweed, while Monty draped a horseshow wreath around her neck, complete with the ribbon saying "Good Luck On Your New Position from the Acme Undertakers!" Buster appeared in a tuxedo, and began singing (well, it was singing to Buster...). "There she is, Miss Ri-Di_Cu-Lous..." he attempted to croon. Tears flowing from here eyes, Babs gushed, "They LIKE me! They really LIKE me!" "NOT!" the Toonatics responded. They were used to this by now. They went through it at the beginning of every school year. As they returned to what passed for normal--at least, for _them_--Shirley said, "Like, I just have the most cosmic vibes that this year is going to be like, so totally awesome and some junk..." Monty turned to Plucky. "Say, did you hear about the Valley Girl who died of metal poisoning?" Picking up on the cue, Plucky said, "No, Mister Bones, I _didn't_. What happened?" Monty grinned. "Somebody gagged her with a spoon!" The Toonatics looked in the direction of Calamity Coyote, who was seated behind a set of drums, and got off a perfectly timed rimshot. Hamton, however, just looked bewildered. "Oh, that poor girl. That's really nothing to joke about, guys..." Plucky sighed. "I _knew_ he'd never get that one..." "_I_ got it," Shirley said coolly, "and _you'd_ better, like, watch your step!" "I didn't know Calamity could play the drums," Mary said to Fifi. "Since WHEN did you ever see Honey in a bikini?" Babs prodded Buster, who was being evasive. At that moment they happened to pass by Bugs's office, glanced inside, and then to a one just stood there, not believing the sight before them. But it was pretty hard to miss... and impossible to mistake for anything else. Bugs and Lola were locked in a passionate embrace, undergoing hydraulic liplock. That was shock one. The SECOND shock was being felt by a pretty gray fembunny who had just come into the office by another entrance. The Toonatics saw this, too. Without saying a word, Honey Bunny turned and ran quietly out of the office. The group, however, had plenty to say, at least among themselves. "Well, it looks like one main squeeze just got squoze out of the picture," Monty said nonchalantly. "Poor Honey," sighed Fifi. "See what sticking by one guy for 30 years gets you?" Mary griped. "Oh, don't make me puke," Plucky snapped. All eyes turned towards Plucky. "It was _bound_ to happen sooner or later." "WHAT was?" growled Babs. "Simple, Simone," replied Plucky, in that ill-informed way that only comes from years of being Plucky. "Everybody knows that Honey Bunny is all sweetness and light and no personality..." "And your point is?" Buster responded. "The point _is_, pal, Bugs is a Looney Tune, and Honey isn't." Plucky's so-called logic met with incredulous looks from the other Toonatics... even Monty. "You mean, she's a spy sent over from Ditzney in a nefarious scheme to bring down Warner Bros.?" Monty asked. "It's possible," replied Plucky. "Huh... now why didn't _I_ think of that?" Monty mused. Buster turned to Babs. "I don't believe I'm hearing this," he said. "Eh, Plucky, I _know_ I'm going to hate myself for this, but... please explain yourself." "Oh, okay," Plucky replied eagerly. "I'm a silly green duck with an ego the size of Cleveland and I have these delusions of grandeur and a thing for a certain Loongirl who won't give me the time of..." Buster gritted his teeth. "I DIDN'T MEAN _THAT_!!!" A small appliance blub suddenly appeared over Plucky's head and flickered for a few seconds before burning out completely. "Oh! You mean about Honey! Well, she's never been in any of the animation, right?" Buster had to concede that point. "True, go on..." "And it stands to reason that the reason why she hasn't is that she's just not Looney enough." Before Buster could reply, Plucky went on. "And besides, have you ever noticed that she's never looked the same from one decade to the next? She started out as a blonde kid with lopears, and now she looks like Bugs in a dress... with acoutrements!" "It's called 'growing up,' duck," Shirley said icily, "which is what _you_ should try doing sometime!" That remark just rolled off Plucky like water rolls off a... well, you know. Buster looked at Babs. "I was wrong," he said. "You were? About what?" she asked. "I _don't_ hate myself... I hate Plucky." Plucky just brushed the comment off. "Hey, he's _your_ mentor, not mine." Buster believed, at that instant, going against everything he professed to believe in his own philosophy, that he could quite easily take Plucky's life and sell it to the lowest bidder, and no jury would ever convict him. However, the arrival of Gogo Dodo--in a Keystone Kop outfit--prevented him. "All right, hit the road, move along, get the lead out, there's nothing to see here," he said, twirling a nightstick in an attempt to get the class moving. Babs grabbed Gogo and turned him in the direction of the still-liplocked bunnies. "You call that 'nothing'?" Babs asked. Gogo's "Keystone Kop" hat flew off his head under its' own propulsion a good 6 and a half feet before landing on Hamton. "OOOP-sieeeesss," Gogo finally said in a sing-song baritone. Then turning toward Buster, he said, "When did they add THIS to the curriculum? And does The Dishwater Queen know?" Buster grimaced. "Et tu, Dodo?" Out of the corner of his eye, Buster saw Plucky just shrug and mouth "I told you so." Silently, the Toonatics moved along down the hall--they didn't know to where--past the home room for Honey's American History class. It had been chained and padlocked, and a large sign hung on the chain: CLASS CANCELLED! MAYBE FOREVER! Honey's tear-stained signature was on the bottom of the sign. As they made their way further down the hall, they passed another homeroom. This one also had chains and padlocks, plus a heavy ships' anchor, across the door, and an even larger sign: DON'T EVEN BOTHER COMING TO THIS CLASS--IT'S BEEN CANCELLED, TOO! _ALSO_ MAYBE FOREVER!!!! "Hmmm...looks like this teacher's having a bad day, too," Babs sighed. "I wonder what class is taught here." "Print Media," said Buster. "I don't get it," Plucky said, a vacnt lot look on his face. "Print Media...you know, comic strips, coloring books, that sort of stuff?" Buster said. "I still don't get it," Plucky said. "You know," Monty said, rubbing his hands greedily again, "...ROYALTIES!" Dollar signs appeared in Plucky's eyes. "Oh...NOW I get it!" Fifi sighed. "Leave it to Monsieur Montana to explain eet in terms Plucky could understand." "Who's teaching this class, anyway?" Mary started to ask, then she caught the tear-stained signature on the bottom of the sign. "No, don't tell us..." Buster sighed. "Yeah... Honey." Shaking his head sadly, Buster said to no one in particular, "Bugs... _how_ could you _do_ this to her?" "I don't wanna know _how_," Babs added, "but I'd sure like to know _why_." Plucky was about to answer her, but an angry, "Don't you even START!" from Buster let him know he had plenty to dread if he tried. -0- Meanwhile, back in Bugs's office... when Toondom's most famous rabbit finally came up for air, he said, "Eh... it's nice seein' you _too_, Lola! Man, dat was some greetin', doll..." Lola had been smiling up to that point. Her eyes narrowed, and she stopped smiling. "Don't..." Bugs grinned sheepishly. "I know, don't call ya 'Doll'." He laughed at that particular memory. "Sorry." The smile returned to Lola's face. "Apology accepted." "Good," Bugs said. "But I've been wond'rin' what ever became of ya after... well, I ain't seen ya since we made... well, _you_ know..." Lola batted her eyelids alluringly. "Space Jam?" Bugs cringed at those words. "Please don't mention dat film again, okay?" 'Dat film' had become a sore point with him in recent months. He decided to steer the conversation elsewhere. "Anyways, whatcha been doin' wit' yerself, Lola?" She sighed. "Not much, actually. I _was_ going to try out for that Women's Pro Basketball league, but it turns out they have this rule: 'No Rabbits Allowed.'" Bugs was incredulous. "WHAT??? Da 'N.R.A.' rears its' ugly head AGAIN???" Lola smiled. "Yeah, but I figure, what the hey, it's _their_ loss." She paused and took an admiring look at the swank office that Bugs occupied as Dean of Acme Looniversity. "You sure have a nice set-up..." "Eh, t'anks, Lola, I like it," Bugs grinned. He was about to take a seat behind his desk when he stopped. "Where _are_ my manners? You want a seat, Lola?" "No thanks, Bugs, I can get my own," Lola said, hopping up and sitting on one of the corners of Bugs's desk, knocking a few things into a small wastebasket in the process. Bugs shook his head, laughing. "Same ol' Lola, independent as always..." "And proud of it," she replied, crossing her legs in a way that made Bugs's blood pressure go "Whoa!" "So, Bugs," she continued, "I understand a position has opened up in the athletic department." "Sure has," Bugs replied. "Petunia's takin' a leave of absence before she takes a leave of her senses..." "The place was starting to get to her, huh?" Lola laughed. "Eh.... you _could_ say dat, yeah. Anyways, dis leaves us wit'out a goils' basketball coach for da rest of da season. Our foist game is next Friday against Perfecto Prep, so natch we ain't gonna have a lot of time to prepare..." "Oh, natch," agreed Lola. "Anyways, from what I remember, you coitanly know yer way around a basketball court." "Why, Bugs!" Lola grinned. "I didn't think you'd noticed!" Bugs smiled. "Oh, yeah, I noticed a _lot_ of t'ings about you... assoitive, unafraid of anyt'ing or anybody, team player... dam' shame dey didn't leave any of _dat_ in...dat film." Lola sighed. "Bugs, let's not even talk about that, okay? I'm just as teed off that I didn't get any more film roles from that thing as you are. But, that's in the past. Right now, you need a coach, I need a job. It's kismet." Bugs hesitated slightly. "Eh... _what_met?" Lola shook her head. "And you're the Dean? Oh, boy... Kismet. Happy coincidence. Fate. Right time, right place." She leaned forward, and smiled enticingly. "Need I go on?" Bugs sighed. "All day, if ya like..." Lola's eyes narrowed again. "Bugs, I know we shared a couple of kisses in a movie, but let's get something straight right now..." Bugs raised a gloved paw to stop her. "I know, I know, I was just makin' sure." He paused momentarily. "You know, Lola, you _are_ a very attractive goil. And, well, you might run into a lot of dat here. None of da students have ever seen anybody as pretty as you, so..." "Oh, yes," Lola said. "I believe the term that was used was, 'homina-homina-homina-homina'..." Bugs didn't miss a beat. "Oh, so you _met_ Buster already." Lola giggled. "And Montana Max." That met with a raised eyebrow from Bugs. "And, eh, were dey any sort of a problem?" "No," laughed Lola. "Babs took care of Buster." "Good goil, Babsie," Bugs muttered. "And Monty?" "Buster took care of _him_." Bugs gave an all-knowing chuckle. "He usually _does_!" Then Bugs turned serious, which was rare, since Bugs Bunny didn't _do_ 'serious'. "Just make it clear to dem honyoks dat ya won't stand for any o' dat stuff while you're on da fackilty..." "Don't stress out, Bugs, I can handle myself." "I have no doubt," he replied. He opened a drawer in his mahogany desk and brought out a teacher's contract. "Here," he said, handing it to Lola, "dis'll tell ye all ya need to know about da Loonivoisity for starters. If ya got any questions, feel free ta ask any of da staff, and den come to me if ya want the right answers." Lola perused the contract carefully, and then stopped cold when she reached the final page. The studious smile that had been on her face disappeared. Bugs noticed this right away. "Eh, somet'in' wrong, do... I mean, Lola?" "Just curious, Bugs... I'm looking over the pay scale... why do your female instructors get less than the guys?" "OOOOOPS!" Bugs said, quickly snatching the offending document from Lola's gloved paws. "Heh-heh-heh, I t'ought we got _rid_ of all dose old t'ings, heh-heh, left over from da previous administration, 'good ol' boy netwoik,' you know how it is," he ad-libbed nervously while kicking open another drawer on his desk, and reached into a file marked "P.C. Contracts." "Here," he said, handing Lola the new contract. She eyed it suspiciously, read it over very carefully, found the pay scale more to her liking, and smiled. "You're _SURE_ this is the right contract? Because if it isn't..." "Oh, absolutley honest and for true," Bugs said, nervously handing Lola a pen. She smiled inwardly. As much as she liked Bugs personally, she also enjoyed watching him squirm. It was fun to see Bugs try to talk his way out of sticky situations. She initialed and signed all the pages and handed the contract back to Bugs, who affixed his official seal to it. Taking Lola's paw in his, he shook it vigorously. "Congratulations, and all dat stuff. Welcome to Acme Loonivoisity, and may ya live to regret it." "I'll _try_," she replied dryly, as she slinked out of Bugs' office, blowing him a kiss as she left. Bugs had to sit down after that. When he was sure she was out of earshot, he buzzed for his secretary. "Eh, Sylvia, can youse come in here for a minute?" Almost immediately a blonde pussycat with a large red bow around her neck entered his office. "Yes, Bugs?" Sylvia asked, as Bugs reached into a desk drawer and brought out a large stack of papers. "Dese here contracts ain't no good. Have 'em recycled, okay?" "Okay, Chief. Anything else?" Bugs looked down at the other drawer with the file marked "P.C. Contracts." "Yeah. Make a note, we gotta bring da female staffers' pay scale up ta date..." -0- Rumors have a way of spreading like wildfire, doubly so in a school, and ESPECIALLY if that school is Acme Looniversity. The report of the "mouth-to-mouth" between Bugs and Lola had practically circumnavigated the entire student body within a half-hour of the event, somehow bypassing the ears of the faculty completely. By the time the story had reached the girls' locker room in the A.L. gymnasium, it was now considered the "news of the day" to everyone except Babs, Shirley, Fifi, and Mary, who had actually witnessed it. That, of course, didn't mean they weren't talking about it. "Gee, and she seemed so nice when we met this morning," sighed Babs as the girls changed into their gym clothes. "Time, like, changes everything, I guess," Shirley mused. "What really galls _me_ is that he had the nerve to do that in front of Honey," Mary said with more than a little anger in her voice. "What in the world was he _thinking_?" Fifi shrugged. "Perhaps Monsieur Bugs ees, how vous say, testing ze watairs?" Mary shot Fifi a look of disbelief. "As _you_ would say... 'C'est WHAT?'" "Ees tres simple, mon ami," Fifi replied matter of factly. "Ze ice cream du vanilla ees nice, but would vous want eet day aftair day, week aftair week, month aftair..." "I get the idea!" Mary snapped. "Like, don't blow a gasket, Mary, or some junk, 'kay?" Shirley said, attempting to calm her friend down. Then she tried approaching the conversation from another angle. "Don't you, like, think that Honey Bunny has ever looked at another rabbit?" "I hope that's just a line in a script you're reading," Mary said flatly. "Hey, that _is_ something to consider, Mary," Babs added. "I mean, how much do we _really_ know about her? She's always been an enigma... just like you." "What did you call me?" Mary challenged. "An enigma," Babs replied. "Oh, 'enigma,'" Mary said. "I thought you said we were enemas." Still, Mary had to stop and consider Babs's statement. Maybe her pink friend had a point. Honey had always gotten along with the students from the first day she arrived at Acme Loo, but her personal history was somewhat sketchy at best. Even Bookworm couldn't find anything about her in the library. The more Mary thought about it, the more it bothered her... especially since she knew what it felt like to be overlooked. It still bothered her, for example, that when the coloring book adaption of "Cross Country Kitty" had hit the stores, Mary bought a copy excitedly, only to be disappointed to find that her role had been reassigned to Elmyra. That galled her more than anything. "Elmyra!" she fumed in disgust, a little too loudly. "What do you want, Mary Wary?" Mary groaned and buried her head in her hands. "I forgot she was here..." she muttered, as Elmyra made her way over to the small group. "Hee-hee-hee-hee...hi, girls!" she gushed. "Hi, Elmyra," the girls said noncommittedly. "Has anybody seen that new big fuzzy bunny?" Elmyra continued in her general sickening tone. "You can, like, put a sock in it anytime, like, okay?" "OOOOoooh," Elmyra declared, "the pink fuzzy wuzzy bunny does the dove real good!" "That wasn't me," Babs remarked coldly. "That was the dove... I mean, Shirley!" "I'm a _loon_, Elmyra," Shirley reminded her. Elmyra put a sympathetic arm around Shirley. "It's okay," she said softly, "I won't tell anybody." Shirley brushed Elmyra's arm off her in a hurry, afraid that she might catch whatever it was Elmyra had. "Like, don't touch me," Shirley said. "Oh, go on, Shirl," gushed Babs cheerfully. "Kill her. You know you want to." The sound of the bell summoning the girls to gym class was the only thing that saved Elmyra from a good zapping (although she would've probably enjoyed it). As the girls made their way into the gym, they weere surprised to see... "Bugs? What's _he_ doing here?" asked Babs. Bugs waited until all the girls were assembled, then spoke. "Goils, as youse may or may not know, Petunia Pig will be absent da rest of da school year..." This met with gasps, general mumblings, a few scattered "Wows," "I didn't know thats," "How comes," etc. Bugs raised his paw to silence the girls. "It's nuthin' major, she just needed some time away from dis place... I mean some time off..." "The place was finally starting to get to her, eh?" Mary asked. Bugs smiled. "Somet'in' like dat, Mary. Anyways, wit' any luck at all, she'll be back next year, after youse all graduate... also wit' any luck at all." Seeing a raised pink paw, Bugs said, "Babs? You got a question?" "Yeah. Does this mean that you're taking over the class?" Bugs chuckled. "'Fraid not, Babsie. I'm hardly qualified ta teach goils' basketball. But I _did_ manage ta find what I t'ink is a more dan suitable replacement, and since she's new to da fackilty, I hope you'll all make her feel welcome, 'cause she's gonna be here a long time." Suddenly, a light began to dawn between Babs, Shirley, Fifi and Mary. "Wait a minute..._new_ faculty member?" asked Babs. "But, like, wouldn't that be..." Shirley added. "Sacre Cyan," Fifi muttered. "He wouldn't _dare_," grumbled Mary. "OOOOoooh," gushed Elmyra. "Look at the big fuzzy wuzzy!" All eyes turned reluctantly toward the gym doors, as Bugs made the introduction. "Goils," he said, "I'd like youse to meet your new coach... Lola Bunny!" Lola entered the gym, placing a light sweater and a large gym bag on the sidelines. She sauntered to center court, and the girls couldn't help but notice that for a teacher, Lola was certainly underdressed for the occasion, wearing skimpy purple shorts and a very revealing tank top. "Lola," Bugs said, "dey're all yours!" "Hi, girls!" Lola smiled... and then blinked. Even she was not ready for the chilly reception that greeted her. Mary Melody took out an emery board and began doing her nails. Fifi LaFume took out a yo-yo and began playing with it. Shirley the Loon began flossing her bill. Babs Bunny took out a pocket mirror and began checking herself for pinkeye. Lola turned a questioning gaze toward Bugs. "Are they _always_ like this to new instructors?" "Not if dey expect ta _PASS_," Bugs replied rather loudly. That got the girls' attention. Bugs addressed them once more. "Ahem... I don't mind if ya goils just wanna have fun, after all, dis IS Acme Loo, but I _won't_ tolerate rudeness." Bugs didn't raise his voice, but something in his delivery let the girls know he was clearly not pleased with what he'd just witnessed... and that he had better not ever see it again. The girls gave a collective "Gulp!" and a synchronized "Yes sir, we're sorry!" but Bugs wasn't sure that there was a single ounce of sincerity in their apology. However, he decided not to press the matter any further. Tossing a basketball to Lola, he shrugged and said, "Like I said, Lola... dey're all yours!" With that, Bugs left the girls alone. Lola took a deep breath and addressed her class again. "Okay, ladies, let's try this once more, shall we?" She smiled. "My name is Lola Jean Bunny, but you can call me Lola. As Bugs said, I'm going to be your coach during Petunia's absence, and I know we'll all get along just..." She stopped in mid-sentence... and was no longer smiling, mainly because, with Bugs out of the gym, the girls began their icy reception all over again. "I understand the price of emery boards has dropped on the world market since they stopped making them from materials from the Brazilian Rain Forest," Mary said nonchalantly, as she took out her emery board and began doing her nails again. "I'm just so envious of you, Mary," Babs said, still checking herself for pinkeye. "You get to paint your fingernails and file them and all kinds of neat stuff... sigh... rabbits can't do that, of course..." "Hmmm," Shirley said, pausing momentarily from flossing her bill. "I must go somewhere private and, like, preen myself or some junk..." "Mary, zat ees such a lovely board du emery," Fifi sighed in between performing a variety of tricks du yo-yo, such as "Cradle du Cat," "Walking Ze Dog," etc. "Does vous have one zat I can borrow?" "But of course," Mary said. Lola cleared her throat. "A-HEM!" Babs turned toward Lola. "Oh, are you still here? We didn't hear you come in!" she said cheerily. Lola reached in between her cleavage and brought out a silver whistle. Placing it firmly in her mouth, she gave an ear-splitting blast, and when the girls' ears finally stopped ringing, Lola spoke in clear, measured tones. "Let's... not... have... any... more... of... THAT." Taking another deep breath, Lola said, "Team, I've been reviewing some of your game tapes, and frankly, I do see some room for improvement in a couple of areas." Babs laughed. "Improvement? Hahahahaha, are you kidding? _What_ could _we_ possibly need to improve on?" Lola regarded Babs coolly. "Attitude, for starters..." Babs went into a spin change and emerged as a rabbit from the hood. "That's right, we bad, we nationwide, we franchised in all fifty states... also in Texas!" she said, giving a sly wink at the end. Lola had had enough. "Barbara Anne Bunny!" "Don't _call_ me that!" Babs challenged, changing back. Lola's eyelids narrowed. "Excuse me, but... are you an instructor at this establishment?" Babs laughed. "Get _her_," she quipped. "Of course not. I'm a student." "Just thought I'd check," Lola said. Then she yelled, "BARBARA ANNE BUNNY--CENTER COURT--_NOW_!!!" Babs was about to spin-change into Ed Norton, just so she could say, "Sheesh! What a grouch!", but the expression on Lola's face told her she'd better not. Walking slowly to center court, Babs sighed. Lola smiled slightly. "That's better," she said. Turning towards the girls, Lola said, "Apart from attitude, you _do_ need to improve on a couple of the basic fundamentals in basketball. Today, we're going to start with what, to me, is one of the most challenging aspects of the game, good old 'One on One.'" She tossed the basketball she'd been carrying to Babs, and said, "Okay, Babs... show me what you got." Taking her stance opposite Lola, Babs muttered, "You're gonna be sorry you said that." She dribbled the ball a few times, attempted a fake to her left, and then a quick fake to her right. No good. No matter where she moved or what she tried, Lola was right on top of her. Finally, inspiration hit Babs, and going into another spin-change, she emerged as a 9 ft. "Babzilla", casually stepping over an astonished Lola, and walked to the far end of the court, dropping the ball through the hoop. Spin-changing back, she bowed to what she'd expected would be the cheers and applause of her classmates... and was understandably surprised to hear only the chirping of crickets... and the rapid tapping on the hardwood floor of Lola's left foot. Her arms were folded across her ample chest, and she was _anything_ but amused. "Something wrong?" asked Babs. Lola didn't mince words. "Hit the showers, Barbara Anne!... NOW!" Babs was about to correct Lola on the use of her name, but Lola was having none of it. "That was without a doubt the most disgraceful thing I have ever seen! Not only was it juvenile, childish, immature, and just plain _rude_... but you also walked with the ball!" Babs was now feeling very uncomfortable, and just more than a little embarrassed. "But... but..." "No 'buts', Barbara Anne... when you decide to have an attitude adjustment, _then_ you can return to this class." No question, Lola was mad. The other girls' mouths fell open, as a shamed Babs slowly made her way to the showers. They didn't know what to think. If this Lola could do something like that to Babs Bunny, then none of them were safe. Lola sighed sadly, and addressed the class. "I really didn't enjoy doing that..." "I'll just _bet_," Mary muttered, forgetting momentarily that she was within earshot of Lola. "Mary Jo Melody..." Lola said flatly. Mary groaned and slapped herself on the forehead. "Oh, no..." "Oh, _yes_," Lola replied, pointing to center court. Mary took her position opposite Lola. The bunny tossed her the ball, a stern look on her pretty face. "It's showtime, Mary." Without a word, Mary began some fancy footwork that would have made Baryshnikov proud under other circumstances. But no matter what Mary tried, Lola was outguessing her every move. Mary lost her concentration for 1/10th of a second, and that was all Lola needed. With a quickness that Mary had never seen from any opponent, ever, Lola snatched the ball from Mary's grasp and made a mad dash to the opposite end of the court, where she made a spectacular leap, slamming the ball through the hoop with a vengeance. Mary was stunned. She wasn't the only one. Where the girls had been previously impolite, there was now only silence. Mary Melody was the best defensive player on the whole Acme Loo girls' b-ball team. Nobody... but NOBODY... ever took the ball away from her! And yet, this newcomer, this "bunny-come-lately", had done just that. Lola sauntered back to center court, spinning the basketball on her fingertips. "See what happens when you take your eyes off the ball?" she smiled. "I don't believe this," was all Mary could say, as she made her way to a bench on the sidelines. "Like, that wasn't very _fair_, I'm SURE!" Shirley said, making no attempt to hide her displeasure. "Okay, Shirley," Lola challenged, "suppose you show ME what's, as you put it, 'fair'." The loongirl defiantly made her way to center court, but was nervously chanting her mantra under her breath. "Oh, whataloonI am, oh, whataloonIam..." If she thought that was going to help her, however, she had another think coming. Lola made quick work of Shirley, playing against her like a rabbit possessed. The loon silently made her way to the sidelines, joining Mary on the bench. "Like, I _don't_ understand it," Shirley said in disbelief, "my mantra has NEVER failed me before!" Mary gave her a world-weary smile. "There's a first time for everything, Shirl." It wasn't that much longer before they were joined by Fifi... then Sweetie... and then the remainder of the girls' team. No matter how much they had taken an immediate dislike to Lola, they had to admit it: she was _good_. Finally, Lola was left with only one opponent: Elmyra. Lola gave out a sigh that seemed to say, "Why does she even bother?" Turning to the girls, she said, "I hope there's enough room on that ben..." "Did you come to talk trash or play ball?" challenged Elmyra. Lola was momentarily taken aback by this. The girls only shook their heads, and Mary fluffed up a musty fringed pillow that said "Greetings From Scenic Secaucus, New Jersey!" on it, featuring a gaudy hand-painted scene of a garbage scow crusing the river, just waiting for Elmyra. As it turned out, Elmyra wouldn't need it. She protected the ball like a mother bear would protect her cubs from... well, from Elmyra. Lola couldn't believe it. Neither could the girls. They were stunned by this display of "one-on-one" at its best, from, of all people... Elmyra Duff? Babs returned from the locker room in her street clothes and sat on the New Jersey pillow. "What's going on," she asked Mary, then began sniffing the air. "And what smells like New Jersey?" "Only New Jersey smells like New Jersey, and as for what's going on? Look for yourself!" Babs looked in the direction Mary had indicated, and her eyes grew wide as she took in one of the most incredible things she had ever seen on a basketball court. "Mary... is that _OUR_ Elmyra taking it to Lola?" Babs wondered. Shirley said, "Like, I'm sure NONE of us would claim her for our own, I mean, like, totally; but yeah, that's her!" By now, the whole bench was getting into it, cheering Elmyra on. Lola was becoming exhausted, but the cheering for her opponent seemed to renew her game. But as it turned out, for Lola, it was too little, too late. She actually made a slight miscalculation, and recovered just in time to see Elmyra make a mad dash towards her basket where, with a great leap and a mighty slam, she managed to do what none of the other girls had been able to, which was score on Lola. "Heeheeheeheehee... nothin' but net!" Elmyra gloated, as she skipped down the court, spinning the ball on her finger, before she tossed it to a surprised Lola. "Care to make it two out of three, Miss Fuzzy Bunny?" Lola just stood there, her mouth hanging open, her ears drooping over her face. She was pooped, and this did not go unnoticed by the girls, who were giving Elmyra a loud standing ovation. "You know," Babs whispered to Mary, "in a very strange way, I feel somewhat vindicated." Mary nodded in agreement. Lola waited for the ovation to come to a stop before brushing her ears back, taking a much needed deep breath, and speaking. "First, thanks, Elmyra, for giving me the greatest workout I didn't have to go to a health club for..." That line got some (begrudging) chuckles from the girls. When they finished, Lola turned to face them. "Second, girls, that kind of reaction could have been any one of _yours_ if you hadn't tried to play 'Dig Me," and paid attention to your..." At that instant, she was rudely interrupted. "HOLY *#!!%^##?&! Look at the freakin' dadgum tomato!" "Oh, _great_," Shirley muttered, "...Fowlmouth." As it turned out, Fowlmouth wasn't the only one being rude, crude and jerky. The rest of the boys' b-ball team entered the gym, led by their coach, Arnold the pitbull. The boys took one look at the skimpily dressed Lola and went totally bananas... all except for Buster, who caught sight of Babs silently mouthing the word "flatiron"; and Calamity Coyote, who wouldn't have known what to say even if he could have. For one thing, Arnold didn't allow him to bring his endless supply of signs to class. Plucky caught on to Calamity's predicament. "I'll say it for you, pal...OWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Dizzy Devil simply spun himself through the gym floor. Montana Max went into another "Avery Ah-OO-gah," and blasted off like a rocket through the gymnasium skylight. Hamton and Furrball were fighting Fowlmouth and Plucky for the chance to be the first to Lola's side to suggest a few things better left unwritten, as this is a family-type story that may be read by small, impressionable, weak adult minds. Lola looked helplessly at the girls. "Bugs _warned_ me this might happen," she sighed. Arnold approached her, just reeking of machismo and a cheap cologne. Lola got one whiff and almost gagged. "P-U!," she exclaimed, unable to breathe. "What IS that?" "It is called 'Machismo,'" Arnold declared. "Well, it REEKS!" Lola said. "Besides, what are you guys doing here, anyway? We still have the gym for another 10 min-" Arnold interrupted her. "Oh, this little girly bunny with the tiny bottom and the oversized pectorals is giving _me_ a lecture, yah? You should take your weak little girlie scout troop to home ec class and learn how to bake little cookies and sew nice little lacy doilies..." The girls were starting to get angry. "Did he call us a weak little girlie scout troop?" asked Babs indignantly. Lola was also not amused. "Look, you neanderthal, just who the he--" Arnold yawned and placed his paw on Lola's mouth in a tight vise grip. As she struggled to break his hold, he looked smugly at her. "Hear me now and smell me later, little girlie baby doll, you should..." Summoning her strength, Lola managed to break Arnold's hold. Her lips were bruised, but now there was a defiant fire in her eyes that Arnold didn't see. "_What_... _did_... _you_... _call_... _me_...?" Arnold, neanderthal that he was, could have cared less. "Oh, now the little baby dolly is going to pout and cry, yah? Oh, boo-hoo-hoo, you little weepy girly thing. The gym is no place for girlies! You should be home, making little nice baby bunnies for Easter parades..." While he was going on and on, Lola silently motioned for her gym bag on the sideline. With considerable effort, Elmyra dragged it to where Lola stood. "Thank you," Lola whispered. Opening the bag, she brought out a ball, and casually began spinning it on her fingertips. It seemed to pick up speed, and the girls thought they heard it make a whirring sound. Taking careful aim, she tossed the ball in the air, and slammed it with her fist in Arnold's direction. "Oh, and now the weepy baby doll is getting mad and is throwing a tantrum at my rock-hard gut, yah?..." scoffed Arnold... and then the ball hit him... hard. He yelped, his sunglasses flew off, exposing crossed eyes, and collapsed like a tree in a forest. "Ooopsies," Lola chuckled, "I guess his rock-hard gut was up a little _higher_ than that." Leaning over the fallen pitbull, she gave him a stern look and a brief view of cleavage. "Don't _ever_ insult my girls, Mister," she growled, "and don't EVER call me 'Doll'!" And for emphasis, she yelled "GIT!" Arnold did just that, yelping all the way out the gym door, his tail between his legs. Lola picked up the ball, began spinning it again, and looked at the boys. "Any questions?" Instinctively, to a one, they crouched as if they were protecting something, and shot out the gym door. All, that is, except Buster, who was joining in the raucous laughter of the girls. "Hey, Lola, that was really _nervy_!" Buster laughed. "By the way, is that what I think it is?" Lola smiled. "Bowling ball? Yeah," she said, stopping the ball in mid-spin and replacing it in her gym bag. "Oooohhh, that's gotta hurt!" laughed Babs. Lola sighed. "I'm afraid I've had to deal with Arnolds for a long time. I wish I didn't _have_ to, but when you look like I do, it just comes with the territory." "Well, if you ask me, Arnold's had that coming to him for a long time," Mary said. That met with general agreement from the rest of the girls, who were now ready to elevate Lola to Sainthood, a fact that didn't go unnoticed by Lola. "Hmm, what a difference a well-placed bowling ball makes," she mused. "Anyway, he had no right putting you girls down. You're _my_ team, and I'll defend you if I have to." This statement seemed to nullify whatever ill feelings the girls had had towards Lola. Besides, any girl who could bring down Arnold... literally... couldn't be all bad. Looking up at the gym clock, Lola said, "Okay, team, hit the showers, and tomorrow we'll try this again! Deal?" "Deal!" replied the girls, who were in a better mood than they had been when class started. As they filed out of the gym and headed to the locker room, Mary stopped, turned around, and rejoined Lola, who was now seated on the bench, writing something in a small notebook she had taken out of her gym bag. "Uh... Lola?" Lola looked up from her writing. "Yes, Mary?" "You're not... going to mention our abhorrent behavior to Bugs... are you?" Lola sighed. "I'm sorry, Mary, but I _have_ to. And before you ask why, put yourself in my place. What would _you_ do? I mean, I realize that I'm new here, but I _am_ a teacher. I want you girls to like me, but I also want some respect. That isn't asking much, is it?" Mary nodded slowly. "I concede your point, Lola." Lola gave a slight smile. "Well, that's a start, anyway. One thing I don't get, though, is why the girls acted the way they did to me? I hadn't met any of you before class, except for Babs, and she was pretty nice... I thought..." That's when it occured to Mary that she had forgotten all about the incident in Bugs's office. She was about to mention it when Lola's pager went off. "Oops, 'fraid I gotta cut this short, Mary. If I don't respond to this call, I'll be bugged for the rest of the day." And before Mary could get another word out, Lola picked up her gym bag and sweater, and was headed out the door. "We'll talk later, Mary, okay?" Lola called over her shoulder as the doors closed. "You _bet_ we will," Mary said. Buster had been a silent observer to all this. He quietly joined Mary on the bench. "So, Mar, do we have her sauteed, fricasseed, or roasted on a spit after her coronation?" Buster's question had Mary slightly puzzled, but not as much as Lola's reaction had. "That's odd, Buster," she said, "she acts like she has no idea what's been going on..." Buster appeared deep in thought. "Maybe she _hasn't_... Hey! Mary!" "What's on your mind, Blue Ears?" "You're in training as a reporter in case the toon thing doesn't pan out, right?" "Yeah, Buster, go on..." "How'd you like to do some freelance investigative stuff?" Mary looked even more puzzled. "What's there to investigate, Buster? We all saw what went on in Bugs's office today..." "Yeah, but I get the feeling we didn't get the whole story somehow. I mean, who IS this Lola, anyway? Where did she come from? How does she know Bugs? And why didn't they notice Honey Bunny?" A frown appeared on Mary's face. "And what makes you think they didn't notice her?" Buster furrowed his brow. "Good question... wait! You know what a quiet girl Honey is to begin with, right?" "Yeah, go on..." "And what was just installed in Bugs's office before the new school year? Think... what did you see in Bugs's office that wasn't there last year?" Mary thought for a moment. "It can't be the carpeting... wait! The second entrance!" "Bingo!" shouted Buster. "And since it's a new door, it hasn't had time to start squeaking! That, coupled with the fact that rabbits' feet are pretty darned silent on a carpeted floor..." Mary cast a doubtful look at Buster. "Is this leading somewhere?" Buster gave her a slight smile. "I'm not sure... yet. Let's just say I'm playing a hunch." Mary grinned. "Oh, is this one of those famous 'rabbit hunches' I've heard so much about?" Buster groaned at that pun. "Why didn't you get lines like _that_ when the show was on?" Mary just smiled and shrugged. "You know me, Buster, 'another cameo, another paycheck.'" She glanced at the clock on the wall. "Hey, I'd better hit the showers or the girls'll wonder what happened to me." As Mary left Buster, she said, "I'll let you know what I find out... by the way... what are _you_ going to be doing?" "I'll let you know," he grinned. When he was alone, Buster stood up, then sat back down on the bench. He rubbed his chin, and began thinking. "Hmmm... what _will_ I be doing, anyway?" -0- The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, as far as the first day of a new school year went, except when lunchtime rolled around. As Buster and the girls regrouped, they were stopped at the cafeteria door by Bugs, who was definitely _not_ in a Looney Tunes frame of mind... and looked it. Buster asked his mentor, "Not to be a copycat or anything, but... eh, what's up, Bugs?" "Dat's what I wanna know," Bugs said, addressing the girls. " "I understand you goils gave Lola a pretty hard time after I left. I ain't happy about dat." "Oh, so she ratted on us, huh?" Babs asked casually. "Psst, Babsie," Buster whispered desperately, "ope-ray it-hay in-hay!" Bugs sighed. "Look, I can understand you kids razzin' da other profs, like Foggy or Elmer or Daffy... I mean, dey've had a chance ta get _used_ to ya by now..." Shirley turned to Fifi. "Like, have we just been insulted, or some junk?" The pretty lavender skunkette surprised everyone by replying, "As vous would say, mon ami... 'like, totally for sure!'" imitating Shirley perfectly. "Wow! I didn't know you could do that!" Babs exclaimed. Fifi fluttered her eyelids. "I have been, how vous say, practicing." "Hey dere," Bugs said, "youse wit da stars in your eyes..." The girls turned their attention back to Bugs. "As I was sayin', I can understand you goils givin' it to da great majority of da fackilty, after all, dem twinkies desoive it... but Lola's _new_ here. She never did anyt'ing ta you to desoive dat kinda treatment... unless she made a move on somebody's boyfriend, heh-heh-heh..." Bugs had intended that as a joke, but was surprised to see nobody laughing. "Wow," he thought, "now I know how Daffy feels..." He shuddered at that thought. Just thinking about how Daffy felt made Bugs's fur crawl. "Eh... dat was a joke, goils..." he said. "Yeah, right," Babs said, ignoring Buster's silent hand signals to kindly stuff a sock down her throat before she got into real trouble. "I'll bet that's _real_ funny to _you_, isn't it, Mr. Big Shot?" Bugs was getting just a little put off by this. In fact, he was nearing that quadrant known as "p-d o-d." But although he was seething inside, outside he remained Mr. Cool. He took a deep breath and beckoned to Babs, who approached him as if she could care less. When she was right next to him, he lowered the boom. "Babsie, I'm gonna do ya a great big favor... I ain't gonna expel ya right away." There was every indication from the tone of his voice that he wasn't kidding. Babs gulped. "You're... not?" she said nervously. "Nah... I'm just gonna call your mudder in for a conference foist t'ing tomorrow, _dat's_ all..." A look of absolute stark raving terror came over Babs. "Oh, NO! Not THAT!! Anything but THAT!!!" She dropped to her knees and grabbed Bugs's ankles, crying hysterically. "Oh, _PLEASE_, Bugs! Not my mother! Oh, please, oh great exalted one, oh kind sir, oh all-powerful and benevolent, oh..." "Oh, knock it off!" Bugs said wearily. Babs knew it was no use. Bugs meant what he said. She wouldn't have been surprised if he'd already called her mom. "Besides..." Bugs continued, "...I've already called yer mom." "Why am I not surprised?" Babs said dryly, to nobody in particular. Shirley put a consoling wing around Babs's shoulder. "Like, it was, you know, totally tubular and nice knowing you, Babs. Maybe we'll, like, go to school together in another life, 'kay?" "Oui," agreed Fifi, "maybe we can have Monsieur Zherry say something nice about vous..." Babs was not consoled. "My friends, the heathens." Buster had thought about steering the conversation somewhere else when he noticed Bugs staring at his watch and looking around the cafeteria. "Waiting for a streetcar, Bugs?" "Huh?" Bugs replied, clearly distracted. "I'm just waitin' on someone ta show up. We was gonna have lunch togedder..." "Bet I know _who_," Babs said, not caring whether Bugs heard her or not. If he had, he didn't let on. "I can't understand it," Bugs continued, "she'd _never_ miss a lunch date wit' me!" "She WHO?" Buster asked point blank. Bugs looked slightly annoyed. "Whaddya mean, 'she who'? Honey, of course!" That got Babs's attention. "Honey? You mean as in 'Bunny'?" "I don't mean as in 'Bosko and'," Bugs replied. "I can't figure it... nobody's seen her on campus all day! It ain't _like_ her ta miss da foist day of school!" "Maybe she's sick," offered Buster. "Honey? Naah... she'd have called to let me know! She's too dedicated a teacher not to!" "Maybe Mmslle. Honey ees, how vous say, playing hockey?" Fifi asked. "Da woid is 'hookey,' and ixnay on dat idea. Like I said, Honey's too dedicated a teacher to pull a stunt like dat!" Bugs frowned. "And speakin' o' stunts, Buster.." "Huh?" the blue bunny said. "Buster, do youse know anyt'ing about some chains and padlocks on da doors of Honey's homerooms?" Buster feigned innocence. "No, Bugs, why?" "Because it took Pete nearly 3 hours to get dem t'ings undone, dat's why! And where dey got dat ship's anchor, I'll never know... but if I _do_ catch da joker--or _jokers_--responsible, their tails is grass!" Bugs would have said more, but the interrupting voice of Daffy Duck stopped him. "Hey, Bugsy!" Daffy sputtered as he emerged from the cafeteria with his wife Daphne close behind. "Did you come here to talk trash... or to _eat_ it?" Bugs and Buster each raised knowing eyebrows. "Considerin' what da food is like around here, Daff, I'd say dat's a pretty accurate observation," Bugs said. He would have continued, if Daffy hadn't dragged him by the arms through the cafeteria doors. "No! Don't take me! I'm too young ta die!" Bugs screamed in mock hysterics. "Oh, put a sock in it," Daffy grumbled as the pair disappeared. Daphne just buried her head in her wings. "Some day, one of you kids has _got_ to remahnd me to buy back mah introduction to that duck," she said in her light Southern accent. "Hey, Daph," Babs suddenly said, "have you seen Honey today?" "Y'all mean as in 'Bunny'?" "I don't mean as in 'Bosko and'," Babs replied. Daphne thought for a moment. "Hmm... well, now that y'all mention it, she _was_ here for only a few minutes this mornin', then she left." "Did she, like, say anything?" asked Shirley. "No, dear, she didn't say a word," Daphne sighed. "She just ran by me, hopped in her car, and took off like a rabbit outta heck. She was _really_ upset, too!" "Oh? What makes you think so?" Buster asked. "Well, when she took off in her car, her car keys were still on my reception desk." The Toonsters looked at each other. "Yep, that's upset, all right," they said in unison. Daphne shook her head. "The poor thing was cryin' so hard, too..." "No wonder," mused Babs. "Now, why'd y'all say a thing lahk that?" Daphe asked, bewildered. "Do y'all know somethin' that ah don't?" "Eh..._could_ be," Buster replied. A look of total disdain crossed Daphne's face. "Ah'll bet it has somethin' to do with Bugs..." "What makes you think so?" asked Babs. "'Cause of the way he treats her sometimes, that's why." Fifi looked horrified. "Mon Dieu! Vous don't mean zat Monsieur Bugs would hit..." "Oh, NO, Fifi!" Daphne exclaimed. "Bugs would _never_ intentionally hurt Honey..." "Wanna make a side bet?" Babs muttered under her breath. Daphne went on. "Maybe it's not mah place to say this..." "Oh, go on, Daph," said Buster, "you're among friends..." Daphne hesitated, but only for a moment. "Well, Bugs takes her for granted, for one thing. He can pull some of the darndest nonsense on that girl, and he just naturally assumes that no matter what, she'll always excuse it." "And, like, does she?" asked Shirley. Daphne sighed again. "Yeah, ah'm afraid she does. She tries to get mad at him, but she just cain't pull it off. She's just a little too..." "Gullible?" asked Babs. "No, more lahk 'trusting'. See, Honey wants to believe there's good in everybody, that's just the way she is. And, well, when Bugs lets her down, she gets hurt... but she never lets him know that." Daphne paused. "Strange, now that ah think about it, but..." "But what?" Buster asked. "But in all the years ah've known Honey, in all her moments of hurt, Bugs has been the cause of them all." Daphne looked around the hallway cautiously. "Maybe ah shouldn't be telling y'all this..." "But..." Babs said, leading Daphne on. She went for it. "Well, there are times when ah wonder if Honey wouldn't be happier with someone else. Someone who'd appreciate what a caring girl she really is. Ah mean, ah don't want to see her and Bugs break up, cause ah think deep down inside that Bugs really loves her; but ah also know that poor Honey cain't possibly take much more of his shenanigans. No girl could." Daphne let out a deep, sorrowful sigh. "Maybe, someday, Bugs'll finally get it through that thick skull of his that he'd better take care of her, or he's gonna lose the best thing that ever happened to him, bar none!" "Vous theenk after all zese years, zat Honey would leave Bugs?" "Fifi, ah believe that if he pushed her far enough, she would. Like ah said, there's only so much a girl can put up with, and ah believe Honey is no different. Mark mah words, someday the non-recyclable garbage is gonna hit the fan, and then we'll see who's sorry." Daphne looked over her shoulder in time to see Bugs making his way out of the cafeteria. "Just remember... y'all didn't hear _any_ of this from me!" "Oooh, a conspiracy," gushed Babs, "I _like_ that!" "Call it whatever y'all want to," Daphne said cautiously. "I've seen Hon put up with and forgive more from y'all know who than anyone I've ever known. She's spent most of her life tryin' to please him without askin' a thing for herself in return. She's pretty level-headed on most things, but when it comes to Bugs..." She sighed. "Well, it's lahk that John Hiatt song...'She Loves The Jerk'." "I think we get the idea," Buster said. With that, Daphne made a hasty retreat before Bugs emerged from the cafeteria, still wearing a perplexed look. "Like, what's wrong, Bugs, the cafeteria slop more gnarly than usual, or some junk?" Bugs was still clearly distracted. "Huh? Oh, yeah, Shirley... it's delicious..." The Toonatics all exchanged looks that were just as puzzled as Bugs's. "Eh, Bugs," Buster said, "is there anything wrong?" "Dat obvious, huh?" "Monsieur Bugs," Fifi said, "eet couldn't be any more obvious zan eef you shouted eet from le Eiffel Tower!" Bugs sighed sadly. "Pretty obsoivant, Fifi. I been tryin' ta reach Honey all day. She don't respond ta her pager, I can't reach her on her carphone, I get a disconnect signal from her home number, an' nobody's seen her on campus all day! If I didn't know any better, I'd swear she's tryin' ta avoid me!" "Well, if you're _that_ concerned about Honey," Babs suggested, "why don't you fire Lola?" "What was dat?" Bugs asked, now completely surprised. "Sorry, stray carroway seed," Babs muttered, going through the motions of coughing up something she ate. Buster simply hid his face, wishing that he didn't have to be associated with her at this moment. "What I said was, 'If you're _that_ concerned about Honey, why don't you go to her place?'" As a quick aside to Buster, she whispered, "Nice recovery, eh?" "I'll let you know after the autopsy," he whispered back. "If I had da time, dat's _exactly_ what I'd do," Bugs said, "but I can't. I've got too much Loonivoisity stuff to deal wit' today. I'll be lucky if I get home before late tonight!" Then an idea struck Bugs. "Hey, Docs, what's on yer schedule for da rest of da day?" "Nothing much," Buster replied. "Just a couple of study halls and a free period." "I was, like, going to have a piano lesson from Granny, not like I need it," Shirley added. "Same as Buster here," Babs answered. Fifi shrugged. "Moi was going to do some reseach in le screening room... why does vous ask?" "Well, like I said, I'm stuck wit' school stuff or I'd see what da deal is wit' Honey," Bugs replied. "But if _you_ kids wanna get out early today..." Babs looked Bugs squarely in the eyes. "Call off my mother and we'll consider it," she said flatly. Bugs was flabbergasted. "WHAT?!? Why you... you little... of all da noive... why I oughta..." Babs was still being obstinate. "That's the deal, Bugs. Take it or leave it." The other Toonsters held their breath, waiting for Bugs's reaction. They knew that Babs was playing a dangerous game. Bugs didn't like having his authority questioned, especially by his own students. Hated it, in fact. But he was desperate. Babs literally had him over an emotional barrel. "OOoooohhhhhh... all right, Babs, you win!" he sighed angrily. Babs smiled self-righteously. "I _knew_ I would." "Pssst, Babsie," warned Buster, "don't push it!" Turning to his mentor, the blue bunny asked, "So, where exactly _does_ Honey live, anyway?" "She lives in dat nice lookin' pastel-colored house at 24 Carrot Lane," Bugs said. "You kids know where dat is?" "Like, sure, Bugs, that's just a couple of blocks away from Mary's place. We can find it, no problem," Shirley replied. "Honey lives in a _house_?" Babs asked incredulously. "Why doesn't she live in a hole in the ground like any other rabbit?" "Because Honey ain't 'any udder rabbit,' dat's why," Bugs said. "She _tried_ livin' in a hole in da ground when she was goin' ta college. She finally had ta give it up. Said it made her claustraphobic or somet'in like dat. Anyways, when she started modelin' for da Acme Agency in her junior year, she began oinin' enough money ta buy her childhood home. She had it moved all da way from Glendale, redid the sheetrock, rewired da whole place herself, installed solar panels, da woiks... she's quite a talented goil!" "Huh! I never knew that about Honey," Babs replied. "Not many folks do," Bugs told her. "Ya see, Honey don't like ta talk about herself, makes her uncomfort'ble as heck. She can sing, dance, play da guitar, ride horses like an expoit--Buster can back me up on dat one--she paints, sews her own clothes... in fact, dere's hardly anyt'ing she _can't_ do, with a couple o' exceptions, which we don't need ta go inta..." From the way Bugs was talking, it sounded to the Toonatics that he was very proud of this girl, whom he'd known since she was a child of four or five, when her adoptive parents had first brought her to the studio to meet Bugs. His sudden ending to his thought seemed to come from left field. "...so's I _can't_ figger out why she'd be actin' like a total nincompoop! Anyways, youse kids see whatcha can find out, and den let me know, will yas?" Babs was about to tell Bugs what she thought of him, but by the time she could finally stop growling, he'd already left. "Why that... that..." Babs was fuming now. Buster attempted to calm her down. "Now, Babsie, I'm sure he didn't mean that like it sounded," he said. Babs eyed him frostily. "You rabbits are _sooooooooooooooooooooo_...clannish!" she snapped. Buster grinned. "Um, Babs, have you looked in a mirror lately?" "Only to check myself for pinkeye," she remarked, then with an embarrassed laugh, said, "Oh, heh-heh, yeah, forgot...SOR-ry..." "S'all right," Buster laughed. "So, Monsieur Bustair," Fifi asked, "what ees our plan du battle?" Buster was about to tell her when he was rudely interrupted. "So," Plucky said as he arrived just in time to be late, "is Bugsy making serious hang time with the poster girl for puberty or will he kiss and make up with the Dishwater Queen?" Buster took a deep breath. "You know, Plucky, I just _knew_ you were going to show up right about now." "Oh?" Pluck asked. "How could you tell?" "My corns hurt," Buster replied unemotionally. "Do I detect a twinge of disappointment in your chosen mentor, hmmm?" asked Plucky. Shirley raised her wings threateningly. "Like, _you'll_ detect a twinge in just a moment, Plucky, if you don't shut up!" Naturally, Plucky-- being Plucky--just ignored her. "Plucky, I think you'd better quit while you're still behind," Buster cautioned, "or at least while you've still _got_ one." "Yeah, yeah, whatever. I can't for the life of me fathom why you like Our Rabbit of the Redeeming Dishwater so much," Plucky grumbled. "Ummm... I have my reasons," Buster said nochalantly. Indeed, Buster _did_ have his reasons... and they all started that past summer in a place called Gower Gulch. It was while he, Honey, Bugs and Yosemite Sam were on what turned out to be the wildest adventure of their lives that Buster formed a deep friendship with Bugs's longtime "goilfriend." They had faced every possible obstacle that had been thrown in their way, and had come through it with a bond Buster had never felt with anyone else, except maybe Babs. Yes, Buster liked Honey, but he couldn't put into words just why. And something else plagued him. He had this deep, indescribable sense that he knew Honey from somewhere else. They had met before, he was sure of it, but for the life of him, he just couldn't place where. Plucky's incessant droning on and on somehow snapped Buster back into reality (and Buster had no explanation for _that_, either). "Well, if you ask me," Plucky ranted. "Nobody _did_," the girls reminded him. Plucky ignored them. "Well, if you ask me, somebody should at least remember to buy that girl a personality for Christmas. I've seen pond scum that was livelier than her!" "Oh," Buster replied sarcastically, "any relative of yours?" Suddenly Babs perked up. "Hey, wait a sec! Maybe ol' 'feather-on-the- brain's' _got_ something there!" "I know a doctor that can help him get rid of it," Buster said with a hint of even more sarcasm. Babs shot him a look that said, "Hmm," before continuing. "No, I'm _serious_! Honey Bunny's the _sanest_ Looney Tune I've ever met..." "True," Buster agreed. "Go on, Babsie, you intrigue me." "Maybe after school," she whispered suggestively. "Anyway, Honey isn't exactly a ball of fire compared to the other Tunes... she can't _possibly_ be happy playing it safe all the time! That'd get _boring_!" "Go on," Buster said with a bit of apprehension creeping into his voice. "Why, I'm just willing to bet that under that gray and white fur is a raving Looney Tune just dying to get out and be silly! Don't you think so?" Babs asked. "Not as such," began Buster. "I wasn't asking _you_," Babs answered. "Oui! Mmslle. Honey _couldn't_ be overjoyed by being in ze shadow of zat... zat... zat _man_!" Fifi spat contemptuously. "Like, then, it's agreed!" enthused Shirley. "We help Honey Bunny find her true personality, or some junk!" "Right!" shouted Babs. "This looks like a job for..." Buster adopted a look of total helplessness. "Scruffy, The Cat Who Washed Himself In Church?" Babs glared at the blue bunny. "You are _soooooooooooooooooooo_... clueless." Clearing her throat, she resumed her battle cry, with Shirley and Fifi joining in at the end. "This is a job for.. THE AMAZING THREE!" Buster buried his face in his hands. "Oh, Dear Lord, no..." Even Plucky was apalled by this prospect, and went into his over-the- top Captain Kirk voice. "No! It's against everything the Federation stands for! Millions of people who've never died before will be killed! You're messing with things that toons were never meant to understand! And besides," he said, quickly reverting back to his obnoxious, normal (?) self, "if you succeed, what'll happen to Lola?" "WHO CARES???" the girls shot back. Buster raised his hand weakly. "It's down the hall, third door to the left," smirked Babs. "I'll ignore that," Buster said. "Oh, you don't wanna do _that_, pal," said Plucky, "you might have to _use_ it someday." Buster ignored him and addressed the girls. "Look, I know you _think_ you'll be helping Honey, but maybe she _likes_ being the only sane one here! I mean, _somebody's_ gotta be..." Plucky placed a wing on Buster's shoulder. "Hey, pal, this isn't going to turn into another one of your lame-o analogies, is it? 'Cause if it is..." Buster sighed. No matter what Plucky said, he was determined to continue. "Listen, Plucky, and the _rest_ of you, too. Bugs and Honey have been together for a lot of years, right? And I think it's because she's everything that Bugs isn't. She's sensible, cautious, and she _must_ have a calming influence on him. I mean, being a Looney Tunes is a great gig, but is that something you'd _really_ wanna be around 24 hours a day? Even the biggest ocean liner needs an anchor to hold it steady sometimes..." Plucky excahnged weary looks with the girls. "I was right. Another lame-o analogy." Buster was now even more determined to finish his thought, even if it turned out that he was the only one listening. "...and if Honey wasn't always there for Bugs, he'd wind up as nuts as Daffy! And who needs a rabbit like _that_?" He paused and waited for any kind of reaction. Plucky began playing a game of jacks with himself. Shirley took out her floss and resumed flossing her bill. Fifi started up with the yo-yo tricks again. Babs took out a pocket mirror and began checking herself for pinkeye. Buster sighed. These toons were beyond help. Plucky looked up at Buster with annoyance. "Hey, could you sigh a little softer, pal? You just made me miss threesies!" "I give up," Buster said, resigned to the inevitable. "By the way, I thought after the Arnold incident that you girls were all 'palsy-walsy' with Lola. What gives?" "_That_ was before we found out she ratted on us," Babs replied coldly, then added, "Did I just hear you say 'palsy-walsy'?" Buster shrugged helplessly. "I couldn't help it, Babs, the scriptwriters made me say it." "I see..." Babs was unconvinced. "Well, we haven't got time to waste hanging around here." Taking full command, she yelled "On to Honey's!" And before Buster could say another word, the girls were gone; but not before Babs turned around and smiled. "Don't worry, lover--_we_ know what we're doing!" "_That's_ the thing that worries me most," Buster replied under his breath. Just then, Mary Melody caught up with the blue bunny. "What was all _that_ about?" she asked, ignoring Plucky's presence. "That was about three minutes' worth of quality airtime wasted on Blue Boy's Lame-O Analogies, _that's_ what...and could you two be quieter, please? You made me miss my threesies," grumbled the duck. Buster read Mary's expression like a book. "Don't ask, Mary, you'll save yourself a _lot_ of headaches that way." Shaking her head and muttering, "I have REALLY got to transfer to another school," she motioned Buster to follow her away from Plucky, which was a good thing, just based on general principle. "So," Buster asked, "what'd you find out about Lola?" Mary sighed and shrugged. "Not much, I'm afraid. Bookworm and I scanned the whole faculty files, and came up emptier than a political promise. All it had for Lola was 'ACCESS DENIED!' You got any ideas?" Buster didn't seem to be listening to her. "Um, Buster..." "Huh? Oh, sorry, Mary, I... I just have this uneasy feeling of impending disaster..." "Why?" "Because," Buster replied, terror building up to a crescendo in his voice, "Honey Bunny's about to have a visit from... The Amazing Three." "OH, DEAR GOD, NO!!!" Mary screamed. Then regaining her composure, she asked, "What did Honey ever do in her life to deserve a thing like _that_?" Before Buster could reply, Plucky snapped, "Hey, would you two pipe down? You made me miss threesies!!!" Buster and Mary shook their heads sadly. Plucky was a basket case. "So," Mary asked, "what should we do now?" Buster gave it some thought. "Hmm... well, electroshock therapy didn't work on Monty, _maybe_ it might have an effect on Plucky..." Mary groaned. "You're hopeless, too!" Suddenly, what she had intended finally sank into Buster's noggin. "Oh, you mean about Lola! Well, she seems to like you, work on _that_. Build up a rapport with her. You're both good basketball players, use that as an excuse!" Mary grinned. "Gain her confidence, in other words?" "Somethin' like that. You know the routine... 'brown nose'..." "AHEM!" Mary replied loudly. "OOOOOOPS! Heh heh... I mean... well, _you_ know what I mean," Buster said, quickly correcting himself. "I think so," Mary replied. "I'll let you know what I come up with." And with that, Mary was gone just as quickly as she had entered. Buster made his way down the hall, past the cafeteria entrance, where Plucky was still playing jacks against himself... and losing... and was on his way to his locker when he was stopped by a voice that was for Buster both familiar and unusual. Familiar, in that he knew the voice, and unusual in that it didn't sound like any toon voice he had ever heard. It was soft, gentle, and surprisingly... normal. "B...Buster...?" A smile came to him when he heard the voice. "Hi, Honey Bunny." "Hi," she replied as Buster turned around. He couldn't help noticing that there was a certain sadness in Honey's voice, matched only by the sadness that was in her eyes... those beautiful, deep darker-than-dark chocolate brown eyes that any self-respecting rabbit would be glad to get lost in. Unless you looked closely, it was very easy to mistake her eyes as black; but in truth, they were brown... a soulful brown, Buster thought. And they weren't a murky brown, either; they were crystal clear and incredibly deep. So clear and so deep, in fact, that you could look into them and see the goodness of their owner. If the eyes truly were the windows to the soul, Buster thought to himself, then Honey's was truly a soul worth knowing. But those eyes had been doing a lot of crying that day. Honey appeared anxious, ill at ease, unsure of herself or her surroundings. She felt as though her whole world was collapsing around her, and there wasn't anything she could do to stop it. She needed a friend at that moment, and Buster was more than happy to oblige. "Buster," she whispered nervously, "can... can we talk?" "If we could do _that_," he quipped, "there'd be a heckofalot of voice actors out of work..." Buster's attempt at humor fell flatter than Honey's spirits, however. Honey was hurting; the last thing she needed was a series of one-liners. Buster quickly realized his mistake. "I'm sorry, Honey. What's on your mind?" "Well... that is... I... um... I mean..." Honey was fumbling for the right words, or _any_ words, for that matter. That wasn't the Honey that Buster knew. She had, for as long as he'd known her, which admittedly wasn't all that long, seemed to have an air of self-confidence, knowing just what to say, and just how to say it. But it was a self-confidence that was totally devoid of any sort of arrogance... and right now, that self-confidence was eroding in front of Buster's eyes. Quietly, he took her paws in his and led her to her Print Media homeroom, and closed the door behind them. They walked silently past a varied assortment of comic strips, coloring books, magazines, jigsaw puzzles, etc., which Honey, using her years of modeling expertise for many of those same items, had planned to use as the basis for her class. Buster led her to her desk, where she sat nervously on the comfortable chair behind it, while the blue bunny sat himself on the desk top and faced her. "I... I guess you're... wondering why I skipped out on my own class today," she began hesitantly. "It's okay, Hon," Buster replied. "I _know_ why. We saw it, too..." Honey bowed her head. "I've... never done anything like that before. Deliberately cut class like that, I mean... I..." Buster placed an understanding gloved paw on her shoulder. "Honey," he said softly, "you don't owe me, or anybody else, any kind of an explanation. But Bugs certainly owes _you_ one." Honey didn't even look up. "Sigh... I... I don't know if I'm even ready to hear it, to be honest. I thought that everything was perfect between us... I... I guess it's all my fault..." Buster couldn't believe his ears. Bugs had brought this sweet lady to a near collapse emotionally, and _she_ was taking the blame for it? "What?!?" Honey's voice was somewhere between a sigh and a whisper now. "I know I'm not the most exciting girl on the planet. I've never been one to draw attention to myself, or set the town on fire, I've never really been flashy, or any of the things that everybody _thinks_ Bugs Bunny's girlfriend ought to be..." "Would it make you happier if you were?" Buster asked. The gray fembunny shook her head slightly. "No. It might make everybody else happy, but I can't live my life according to everyone else's expectations or preconceived notions, Buster. It wouldn't feel right to me. I have to live my life according to the way I live it. Maybe it was my upbringing, the way I was raised and taught, that it was all right to have a sense of values, that it was never wrong to always do the right thing, to have consideration for others' feelings, to care about others. That didn't used to be such a bad thing... I don't know, maybe Bugs was right, maybe I _am_ a 'goody-two-shoes,' but I can't help that, Buster, that's what I am, and always will be, but obviously, there's _something_ about good old safe, sane, reliable Mary Margaret McPherson that Bugs doesn't love any more... and not knowing _why_ he doesn't, doesn't hurt nearly half as much as just knowing _that_ he doesn't... and he didn't even have the decency to tell me... after all these years, he didn't have the decency..." Her whole body began shaking, tears flowing freely down her face. Buster gently pulled her close, allowing her to cry on his shoulder. He didn't mind; this was familiar territory for him. It had only been a little over a month since they'd played this scenario out in Gower Gulch. But then it was because she thought she'd seen the bunny she'd loved all her life plummet 10,000 feet to his death. Now, it was because her heart was breaking into a million and one pieces, and she literally had no one else she could turn to. Buster was her closest friend among the students of Acme Loo, and a friend was what she needed most. After a few more minutes she slowly raised her head. Through her tears, she asked, "Buster... do... do you think I'm... pretty?" Buster smiled warmly, and kissed her cheek. "Honey, I think as rabbits go, you're beautiful... externally _and_ internally." She managed a smile somehow. "Sniff... th.. thank you... that's... that's very kind of you to say so..." "I didn't say it to be kind, Hon. I said it because it's true. You have a way about you that's different from any other toon I've ever known, or ever will know. I've gone to school with and been instructed and surrounded by every kind of Looney Toonatic there is, and you're the only one I'd ever really feel comfortable with if we ever got stuck in an elevator." "Thank you," she said, blushing slightly. "No thanks needed. You're sweet, kind, gentle... you're _normal_..." Honey laughed, which as far as Buster was concerned, was a good sign. He continued, "...you're everything that's good in a rabbit, as far as I can tell, and if everyone else can't see that, then that's _their_ problem. I know I'm happy to have you as a teacher, and I'm _very_ proud to have you as a friend." Honey's lower lip began quivering, accompanied by a small trickle of tears. All she'd asked Buster was if he thought she was pretty. She hadn't expected _this_, and she was genuinely moved by his declaration. Buster placed his hands on her shoulders and looked deep into those beautiful dark brown eyes. "Besides, Hon, you and I have shared something together that I don't ever expect to share with anyone else ever again..." "...Sniff... we... we have?... sniff..." "Sure," Buster smiled. "Remember..." he motioned her closer so he could whisper in her ear, "..._I've_ seen ya without your shirt!" Honey gasped in shock. "BUSTER!..." Then she began laughing out loud. That was just the kind of off-center line she needed to hear. When she finally stopped laughing long enough to catch her breath, she wiped her eyes, hugged Buster and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks, Buster, I _needed_ that!" "Aw, shucks," he grinned. "Anyway, I don't think you've really got anything to worry about, not from the way Bugs was talking about you at lunch today..." "Oh, yeah... lunch..." The smile suddenly vanished from Honey's face. "Hey, _I'm_ supposed to be the only blue bunny around here, remember? Besides," Buster said, "I can almost guarantee there's nothing going on between Bugs and Lola..." Honey stared vacantly. "Lola? Is _that_ her name?" "Yeah, Lola Jean Bunny. Anyway, Bugs wouldn't throw away a relationship as long as the one you two've had overnight..." Honey remained doubtful. "You... you think so, Buster?" Buster remained confident. "Hon, I _know_ so, knowing how Bugs feels about you. He told me himself. Once, we had this father-and-son talk about relationships..." Honey suddenly sat bolt upright. "You had a _what_?" "OOOPS!" Buster thought. "A father-and-son _type_ of talk about relationships," he quickly corrected himself. "Whew, _that_ was a close one," he thought to himself. Bugs being Buster's father was the most closely-guarded secret in all toondom, a secret shared only between Bugs and Buster, since Buster's mother was long since dead. That's what Bugs had told him, and he presented him with a box filled with documents to prove it, and that was good enough for Buster. "Anyway," he continued, he talked about how you two met, and that he thought the world of you..." "Bugsy said _that_?" Honey couldn't quite believe it. Buster grinned. "He sure did. He also said if I ever found someone special like you, that I should hold onto her with both paws and never let her go..." Honey still couldn't believe it. "Bugsy said that? _MY_ Bugsy?" "Yep, your Bugsy... hey, why the tears?" Buster asked. Honey tried blinking them back, but her feelings were betraying what had to be the most painful aspect of her years with Bugs. "Then... then wh... why hasn't he ever said that to _me_?" she whispered. Now it was Buster's turn to be stunned. "You're kidding! All the years you've been together, and..." Honey's tears were flowing even faster now. "And he's never told me that he loves me..." she admitted. "Not ever?" Honey shook her head sorrowfully. "No, never. A... a girl _needs_ to hear that every so often, you know?" Buster sighed. "I never would have guessed..." "Well, you should've. _Bugsy_ should've... I don't know why I've let it go on for even this long..." "Yeah, Daphne said you had a blind spot as far as Bugs is concerned... ooops... uh... I mean..." Too late, Buster had spilled the beans. Honey looked at him with hurt in her eyes. "Daph said that, did she?" "Wellll... not in so many words," Buster began. A sad, slight smile briefly crossed Honey's lips. "Well, for whatever it's worth," she finally said, "Daphne happens to be right... I _do_ have a blind spot when it comes to Bugsy... but I guess that doesn't matter anymore..." Her tears began streaming even faster. Buster reached out and took one of Honey's paws in his. "Hon, I still think, from what Bugs said then and now, that he still cares about you." She still wasn't willing to accept whatever Buster said as absolute gospel. Then a wild thought came to him. It was crazy, maybe even illogical, but it just might work. "Besides," he said, "you know how Bugs is always kissin' everybody..." "Usually other guys," Honey pointed out. Buster wasn't deterred. "Yeah, but that's just something he does just to throw 'em off, you know that..." "I... I _do_?" Obviously, she needed a more convincing argument. "Sure you do," Buster said, still trying to boost Honey's self-confidence, or at least stop it from eroding completely. "Maybe it was just his way of welcoming Lola to the faculty..." Honey regarded Buster with a "deer in the headlights" look. "The... the faculty?" "Didn't you know? She's taking over the girls' b-ball team while Petunia's on a leave of absence!" This was obviously news to Honey. "Basketball?... you mean, she's going to be here every school day?" "That's right," Buster grinned. Honey slumped down in her seat and bowed her head in resignation. "I'm dead," she mumbled. Buster gave her a reassuring smile. "Oh, I don't know, you look pretty lively to me... Honey? Honey?" But the sad gray and white fembunny didn't answer. She was trying to sort out the many and varied feelings and emotions she felt about Bugs, and pondered her own shortcomings, or what she perceived as her own shortcomings. Finally, she broke the silence with an almost quiet tone of voice. "Umm... Buster..." "Yeah?" he asked in the same quiet tone. Honey bowed her head slowly. "I... I have to make a confession..." "Sorry," he replied, "I don't do priest jokes..." "I'm serious," she said softly. "I can _tell_," he replied. "Go on, Honey..." She took a deep breath. "You... you know that blind spot I have? The one about Bugs? Well, I'm afraid there's a side effect to it, and it's one that I'm not very proud of at all. I...I tend to get unreasonably jealous..." "Jealous? You?" "Yes, me. I'm ashamed to say that it's been well-documented that I've always jumped the gun whenever I see Bugsy even so much as talk to a pretty girl bunny, and I never give him the chance to explain... did Bugsy happen to mention _that_ in his talk?" "No," Buster replied, " never mentioned anything bad about you at all." "R..really?" "Really. Oh, he said your relationship hasn't always been a piece of carrot cake, that you've had breakups and makeups, but he didn't say you were to blame at all." "He... he didn't?" "Naahhh," the blue bunny grinned. "But he _did_ say that no relationship was always perfect." Honey took this statement in, thought about it for several silent minutes, and finally looked up at Buster. "Bus... Buster... do... do you think..." she stammered. "What?" he asked. "Do... you think I've been... foolish?" she asked quietly. He gave her one of his warmest smiles. "Naaahh... 'foolish' and you don't even belong together in the same sentence. You're not foolish, Hon, you're just a rabbit lin love, that's all... and there's nothin' foolish about that." Honey blinked back her tears, and tried to smile again. "Buster... how did you get to be so wise at your age?" Buster shrugged. "Beats me, I guess it's the next logical step, you know--'wise acre,' 'wiseguy,' 'wise-'..." "Watch it, there's a lady present," Honey cautioned. "I was _gonna_ say 'wise beyond years," the blue bunny grinned. "Oh." Finally, slowly but surely, the confidence that Honey had thought she'd lost seemed to be returning. "You know something? I'll bet you're right... sure, that's gotta be it. Bugs was just welcoming her to the faculty, that's all. You know how Bugs is always kissing everybody?" "Yeah, I've noticed," Buster said, smiling. "He was just being friendly, that's all." "And I've been avoiding him like the plague," Honey reflected, ashamed of her behavior. "I didn't even give him the chance to explain... again... I... I've _got_ to go to him and apologize... do you know where he is?" "Sure do," Buster beamed. "He said he had Looniversity business to take care of, and he'd be in his office all day. I'll bet you'll find him there. workin' hard as a rabbit..." "Buster..." she whispered. "Yeah, Hon?" he grinned. "Would... would you..." Buster took Honey's arm in his. "...walk you to his office? It'd be my pleasure. Come on..." -0- "BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!" Bugs had been expecting his intercom to go off; he just didn't expect it this quickly. Leaning over his desk, he pressed the respond button. "Yeah, Sylvia?" He already guessed what she was about to say, since he was the one who had sent for Acme Loo's new girl's b-ball coach. "Lola's here..." "Good... send her in," he said, without the characteristic humor in his voice. Something had ticked him off, and Sylvia could tell it on the other end of the intercom. "Uhh... yes, sir," she replied. Seconds later, Lola, in her skimpy top and purple shorts, was standing before Bugs, who wasn't smiling. He got up from behind his mohogany desk, a sheet of paper in his hand, and began pacing back and forth behind the desk. He didn't say anything for several minutes. Lola didn't know what was going on, but this silent treatment was making her feel very uncomfortable; but she'd be darned if she ever let her nervousness show in front of Bugs. Suddenly, Bugs stopped pacing, turned abruptly and faced Lola, holding the paper up just a few inches away from her. "Lola," he said sternly, "do you know what dis paper is?" "No," she said, trying to remain calm. "It's a form, specific'lly form #WD-40. It's used when fackilty members need ta file complaints against each udder. In all da years I've been here, I _never_ t'ought I'd ever have ta see one o' dese... and den _you_ show up." Finally, it sank in. "Wh... what? Someone filed a complaint against _me_?" Lola asked in bewilderment. "Yes, you." Bugs still wasn't smiling. "Who?" Lola felt she had the right to know. Bugs realized this, so he told her. "Arnold," he said flatly. "Bugs... let me explain," Lola began, but Bugs raised a gloved paw to stop her. "I ain't innersted, Lola. Fackilty members ain't s'posed ta be goin' at each udder's t'roats. It ain't professional." Bugs was clearly agitated by the paper he held, although he tried remaining cool as a carrot. Lola was becoming unsettled. She'd never seen this side of Bugs before, or even guessed that it existed. "But, Bugs..." "No 'buts,' Lola! I _don't_ wanna hear it! One o' my staff injures anudder fackilty member, an' I _have_ ta take it seriously!" Lola was on the brink of... no, she'd be damned if she ever let Bugs Bunny see her cry, she told herself. She was supposed to be stronger than that; but the fact that he wasn't even giving her the chance to explain her actions upset her. How could he be so unfair? "Don't I even get the chance to tell _my_ side of it?" "Nope. I got _all_ da info I need right here on dis WD-40. And as Dean of Acme Loo, dere's really only one t'ing I can do wit' it." Slowly, he walked out from behind his desk to the now shaking Lola, held the form up to her eyes, and then astonished her by casually tearing it right down the middle, rolling the two halves into a ball, and then tossing it effortlessly into the wastebasket on the other side of his desk. He smiled, and stood face to face with the blonde and tan bunny. "Arnold's a joik; everybody knows dat. But he had no call at all ta put his paws on ya..." Lola was stunned. "How... how did you know..." "Simple," Bugs said, smiling slightly. "Dat ain't _rouge_ on yer lips, kiddo." Lola reached up and felt where Arnold had placed his paw in that powerful grip. She hadn't realized just how powerful that grip had been. Quickly, she took out a small pocket mirror from her shorts, and gasped when she saw the bruise. "Oh, my..." Lola said, wondering when the swelling would go down. "...an' besides," Bugs continued, "one o' yer students told me." "Well," Lola replied, "I guess I should thank... whoever it was..." Bugs grinned. "Mary Melody. I like her, she's a sweet kid, a little on da normal side for dis place, but... anyways, I wouldn't worry 'bout Arnold if I was youse." "But, won't he file another complaint when he finds out you tore up that one?" Lola wasn't one to be intimidated, but she did have her concerns that Arnold could make trouble for her; after all, she'd run into his type countless times before. Bugs appeared unconcerned. "Who's gonna tell him? _I_ coitanly ain't! Besides, even if he _did_ find out, he'd still have ta take his gripe to da head of da grievance committee... an' of course, if he did dat, den _you'd_ have ta appear in front o' him, too." Bugs was completely relaxed by now. "I'm... I'm not intimidated by that neanderthal," Lola said, screwing up her courage. _Let_ him complain, I can handle it. By the way... who _is_ the head of the grievance committee?" Bugs gave her a sly smile. "Speakin'..." A relieved Lola completely surprised Bugs by... crying? Lola? Bugs took her in his arms to comfort her. "Hey, heyyyy, what's wit' da tears, kid?" Lola didn't answer right away. Instead, she cried on Bugs's shoulder for a while, before finally gaining control of herself. "Bugs, that's... that's the nicest thing that's happened to me since I came here... I could've lost my job because..." "Not while _I'm_ in charge, ya ain't. Rank _does_ have its' priv'leges, after all. Anyways, Arnold got exactly what he desoived. He instigated da t'ing, not you. You was merely defendin' yerself and da honor o' your team... eh, bowlin' ball, was it?" Lola nodded, that ever-so-appealing smile returning to her face. "Yeah, bowling ball... 16 pounder." Bugs chuckled, then laughed out loud. "Oh, dat's good, dat's _good_, I'da _never_ t'ought o' _dat_ one, heeheeheeheehee..." "Then... then I'm _not_ in trouble?" Lola asked with a degree of uncertainty. "Naaah, just go 'bout yer business. As far as I'm concoined, it never happened. Arnold, of course, might see it diff'rently..." "And... what if he tries to make trouble for me again?" A wicked grin appeared on Bugs's face. "Den give 'im more o' da same, wit' my blessin'! Besides, I _like_ hearin' 'im try an' talk in dat high- pitched voice. Kinda sounds like a mouse at anudder studio, heeheeheehee..." Lola began laughing as well, and then impulsively kissed Bugs full on the mouth... -0- Sylvia J. Pussycat, secretary extraordinare to Bugs Bunny, was calmly taking the latest intimate relations quiz in Cosmeowpolitan when she suddenly became aware of the presence of someone in front of her reception desk. Looking up, and trying to quickly stash the magazine, she was surprised to see... "Honey?" "Hi, Sylvia," the gray fembunny smiled. "Is Bugsy in?" The blonde pussycat nodded hesitantly. "He's in, all right, but he's in conference right now, and left strict orders not to be disturbed... oh, hi, Buster!" "Hi, Syl... Hon, if Bugs is busy then maybe we should come back at another time..." "No, Buster, I've already made a fool of myself today over something that was completely meaningless, and this is my chance to make it right while I still can... if he'll let me." Honey sighed. "You know, Buster, I'm glad we had that talk. You're right, of course, Bugsy wouldn't throw away all our years together just like that..." "Of _course_ he wouldn't. All you'd have to do is look at him to see that." "Hmmm, I thought I saw a question about that in the quiz I was taking," Sylvia mused. "Well, Honey, if you're going to barge in on Bugs, shouldn't I at least announce you?" Honey sighed again. "No, Sylvia, I'd rather surprise him," she said, making her way to the second entranceway to Bugs's office. "I... I hope he won't be _too_ mad at me," she smiled at Buster, who gave her a thumbs up. "You know, I almost made the most terrible mistake of my life today." Taking a deep breath, brushing her ears back and adjusting her hare ribbon, she quietly opened the door and was about to call Bugs's name when she saw him engaged in extremely hydraulic liplock with the blonde pneumatic bunny named Lola. The two were positioned in such a way that they didn't even see Honey. She stared at them for just a few more seconds, unable to utter a sound. Then she silently closed the door, and walked back to Sylvia's desk in a daze. "Well, that was quick," noted Buster. "Was he still involved in Looniversity business?" Honey took a deep breath and sighed softly, "Yeah... you could say he was taking care of business, all right..." "Was he mad?" asked Sylvia. Honey considered the question for only a brief nano-second. "Mad?... no, Sylvia, he didn't appear to be... in fact, I'd say he seemed to be enjoying himself..." Then Honey began shaking, crying, and finally hyperventilating uncontrollably. Buster and Sylvia stared at her, and then each other. Honey was on the verge of a complete emotional collapse. Sylvia rushed her chair to Honey, while Buster looked on helplessly. "Honey? Are you all right?" Sylvia asked, a look of total concern on her face. Honey just shook her head, still hyperventilating, bitter tears rolling down her whiskers and onto her favorite lavender dress. "Is there anything we can do?" asked Buster. After a few tense minutes, Honey finally answered. "Yes, there is," she sobbed, "you can tell that jerkrabbit that I never want to see or hear from him again as long as I live!" Before Buster and Sylvia could reply, Honey bolted out of the chair and down the hall, out the entrance of Acme Loo and into her car, knocking Daffy over in the process. "Hey, what'th the big idea, rabbit? Have you finally flipped?" Daffy sputtered. But Honey didn't answer. She hopped in her cherry red '66 Mustang convertible and tore out of the parking lot. Buster and Sylvia just stared after her. "Poor Honey," Buster sighed. "Now, what could have made her act..." Then he stopped in mid-sentence. "Uh, Sylvia, _who_ was Bugs having that closed-door conference with?" he asked, afraid of the answer. "Lola. Why?... Buster, where are you going?" the blonde cat called after him. Buster sped to the secondary entrance and silently opened the door a couple of inches, only to be greeted by the same sight that had sent Honey crying. "Oh, _no_," Buster said softly as he closed the door, and made his way sadly past Sylvia's desk. "How could I have been so wrong?" "Buster?... Buster? What's wrong?" asked Sylvia. The blue bunny sighed. "Syl... you _don't_ wanna know..." -0- "Eh... Lola?" Bugs said, finally able to catch his breath. "Yes, Bugs?" Lola batted her eyelids flirtatiously. "What was dat for?" Lola smiled. "The kiss? That was for giving me my job..." "Hey, I didn't give you nuthin'! You _oined_ yer job here..." Bugs said in protest. "And it was also for saving it for me," the blonde and tan bunny added. "Eh, glad ta do it, kid, but, um, could youse do me a great big favor in da immediate future? If ya ever feel grateful again, could youse maybe keep da t'anks to a simple handshake?" Lola was taken aback by this request. Immediately, she breathed into the palm of her left hand, sniffed, and said, "Don't tell me I offend..." Bugs laughed. "Heeheehee, no, Lola, dere ain't nuthin' offensive about you; it's just dat, well, s'pose someone woulda walked in just den and seen us playin' tag team liplock. It wouldn'ta looked very good fer eider of us." "I'm... not sure I follow you," Lola said, slightly puzzled. "She's _gotta_ be kiddin' me," Bugs thought to himself, "nobody can be _dat_ naive an' kiss like dat!" Clearing his throat, he said, "People'd t'ink da only reason you got yer job here at all was because you and me was ....eh... involved in... 'extra-curricular activities'?" "What??? I wouldn't _ever_ resort to using..." a shocked Lola said. "Look, kid, _you_ knows dat, an' _I_ knows dat, but I don't know dat anyone _else_ knows dat! Besides, rumors have a way o' spreadin' like... like..." Bugs struggled to find the exact word. "Wildfire?" offered Lola. "Exactly! An' _doubly_ so around a school, an' _especially_ 'round Acme Loo! So, ta avoid any kinda scandal, could youse possibly..." Lola read Bugs's thoughts. "A handshake instead of a kiss?" she smiled coyly. "Okay, sure, I can live with that." "Good," Bugs said, relieved. "Besides, dere's someone who might not understand..." "Oh? A girl?" Lola asked. "Well, what else? You t'ink I _like_ kissin' all dose guys in dem films?" an indignant Bugs asked. "Sorry, Bugs," Lola laughed. "What's she like?" Bugs thought for a second and a half. "What's she like? Well, she likes walkin' in da spring rain, ridin' horses, playin' guitar, sad movies, big band music, mashed potatoes..." Lola gave a sigh of exasperation. "Bugs..." "Huh?...OH! You meant what IS she like?" he laughed. "Well, she's like no udder goil I ever met. Known her since she was a kid..." "Well, sounds like it's a long-term deal," Lola smiled. "No question dere," Bugs agreed. Lola sighed. "Well, if you've found someone that you can have a long term relationship with, then I'm happy for you. Will I ever get to meet her?" "Funny you should mention dat. You coulda met her today. She teaches here! Or, she was s'posed to... I don't know what's been keepin' her..." Lola studied Bugs's expression for a moment, but couldn't be sure what he was thinking. "This girl... does she have a name?" "Huh? Oh, yeah, sure she does. Her boith name is Mary Margaret McPherson." "Hmm... that's an odd name for a rabbit," Lola mused. "Yeah," agreed Bugs, "but nobody ever calls her by _dat_ name. She just goes by her nickname..." "A nickname, eh? What's she called?" Before Lola got an answer, her pager went off rather insistently. "Oh, not again! Um, Bugs, can I go? I don't have any other classes today, and I've _really..." Bugs waved her off. "Say no more, Lola; if ya got a hot an' heavy date _dis_ oily in da day, I ain't gonna keep ya from it." "Well, it isn't anything like that, Bugs, but..." "Go already, would yas?" Bugs laughed. "We'll talk later!" Lola left through the main entrance to Bugs's office, and almost bumped into Buster, who was absent-mindedly walking through the hallway. "Oh, excuse me, Buster, I didn't see you..." "I _guessed_ that," he sighed heavily. This puzzled Lola. Even though she was in a hurry, she could stand to take the time to see what was troubling Buster. "Buster, are you feeling okay? You seem, well, depressed about something," Lola said, removing one of her gloves and feeling Buster's forehead. "Hmm, no fever..." "I don't think you'd understand," Buster sighed. Lola smiled enticingly. "Oh, I don't know, I _might_. Let me guess..." "Lola, please, I'm really not up for guessing games right now..." But Lola would not be denied her chance to play amateur shrink. "Buster," she said softly, "I'll bet it has something to do with a girl, am I right?" Buster slumped his shoulders. "...sigh... yeah..." "A very _special_ girl? Hm?" Lola asked, prodding Buster. "Sigh..._I_ think so..." Lola smiled winsomely. "And you thought I wouldn't understand..." Her pager went off again, interrupting her thoughts. "Why did I ever get one of these things?" Turning to Buster, she said, "Look, I've really gotta run, but you know who'd be better to talk to about this girl problem?" "Sigh... who?" "What do you mean, who? Who else? Bugs! He sure took care of _my_ problems..." "I'll just _bet_ he did..." Lola stared at Buster. "Huh?" "Oh... nothing, I'll see you later, Lola, okay?" "Ummm... ohhhh-kayyyy," Lola said warily as her pager went off again. "All right, already, I'm coming!" And with that, Lola was gone. Buster sighed heavily, walked back to the secondary entrance to Bugs's office, opened the door, and saw Bugs searching all over his desk for something... and whatever it was, he couldn't find it. "Now, where in da heck... it was right here dis mornin'..." Bugs looked up from his search long enough to see Buster at the door. "Oh, hi, son, c'mon in, I'll be wit' ya in a second..." Buster walked in half-heartedly and had a seat while Bugs resumed his desktop search. Whatever Bugs was looking for, Buster decided, it was of more importance than whatever Buster's problem happened to be. "It can't have just walked outta here under its' own power," Bugs said. Then something in his wastebasket caught his attention. "What da... now, _how_ da heck did ya get in _dere_?" Bugs reached in and took out an 8x10 picture frame. Taking a tissue from his desk, he cleaned the glass and looked admiringly at the picture the frame contained. "Da garbage is da _last_ place in da woild _you_ belong, Duchess," he said to the picture, giving it a quick kiss and putting it back on the desk corner. "'Duchess'?" Buster thought. "Wait a minute, there's only _one_ girl he calls that..." Bugs looked back at his son. "I'll be right wit' ya, Buster. I'm gonna go get me a carrot. You want one?" "Ummm... no, go ahead." "Eh, t'anks, kid," Bugs smiled, and left his office momentarily. Buster made a beeline to Bugs's desk to have a look at the picture, and his mood brightened considerably when he saw the picture was... "Honey," Buster sighed. "Eh, whose else's picture did ya expect ta see on my desk--me?" Bugs said, nearly giving Buster a quick cardiac arrest. "Don't scare me like that, dad!" Buster said, taking a deep breath. Bugs took a bite of carrot. "Eh, okay, how _would_ ya like me to scare ya?" Then he cast another look at the picture. "Nice pic, ain't it? Alt'ough I t'ink yer a little _young_ ta be lookin' at her in _dat_ pose." "Well, I..." Buster started, then stopped, looked at the picture again, and did a triple-take. "Hey! She's..." "Yeah, I know," Bugs laughed. "Dis is somet'in' she posed for last year. It's da only full-figure nude glamour shot she ever did... too bad, too. I t'ink she looks nice au naturel, but, well, she grew up wearin' clothes, she feels more comfort'ble with 'em on, so..." He sighed. "Anyways, we'll talk about Miss August later, heeheeheeheehee. Now, what'd ya wanna see me about, Buster?" "Umm... I'll tell ya later, dad, okay, gotta run, bye-eee!" Quick as a bunny, Buster was gone. Bugs just shook his head and laughed. "Kids," he said to the picture. -0- Babs, Shirley and Fifi arrived at Honey's house at 24 Carrot Lane (after a brief stop to plan strategy and grab something to eat at Weenie Burger) at about the same time that Buster'd left Bugs's office. It was a nice looking house, as far as nice looking houses went, they thought, with an immaculately kept lawn, a beautiful rose garden with a hummingbird feeder overhead, a porch swing--complete with porch--and the other small niceties that made Honey's house a home. Other toons could have their ornate mansions; Honey loved the simple pleasures in life, and she took great pains to reflect that in her home as well. The girls walked up the sidewalk, turned at the cobblestone path that led to the porch, and walked up to the doorbell. Babs's left ear reached over and pressed the button, and immediately the sounds of a celeste playing "A Taste Of Honey" rang out. "Nice tune," Babs wondered aloud, "I wonder what it's called." Shirley and Fifi shrugged. They'd never heard it before, either. "Like, I wonder if she's even home," the loongirl said. "She _must_ be," Fifi replied. "Zere's her car in le driveway, right next to ze moving van..." Then the girls did a quadruple-take. "MOVING VAN???" they yelled in unison. Without even waiting for an invitation, the toony trio barged into Honey's home and were greeted by the sight of a couple dozen neatly stacked and labeled boxes, all taped up and loaded onto hand trucks. The only thing that wasn't boxed up was a comfortable sofa, which two rugged moving men were in the process of lifting. They either didn't notice or seem to care that the sofa was currently occupied by a crying gray and white fembunny in a lavender dress, with a matching hare ribbon tied neatly to a small tuft of white fur between her ears. Babs took one look at this scene, turned to the other two toonettes, and made a bold pronouncement. "I _think_ we came at a bad time," she said, reaching into her skirt pocket and drawing out two $20 bills, which she teased the moving men with as though they were dogs being tempted by Frisbees. "Here, boys, fetch!" Babs said, throwing the two 20's out the door. Immediately, the two movers set the sofa and bunny down, and greedily chased the money, which a well timed gust of wind had chosen that moment to carry far, far away. Fifi, for one, was impressed. "How DO vous do zat?" she asked, her eyes wide open. Babs shrugged. "It's a gift." The trio then sat beside the still sobbing Honey, who was laying face down on the sofa, her head nestled in her arms. Babs, who was seated in between Fifi and Shirley, decided to start the conversation. "Ahem... so, otherwise how are things?" Babs asked cheerily. "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh," replied Honey Bunny. "I see," the pink bunny replied, still cheerful beyond reason. She turned to Shirley. "Your turn." Shirley leaned over and spoke to Honey, who was still crying her dark brown eyes out. "Can we, like, get you anything or some junk?" "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh," answered Honey. "Your turn, Fifi," Shirley said. "Mmslle. Honey," the coquettish French skunkette began. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH," came the reply. Fifi shrugged. "Zis, to moi, ees _not_, how vous say, le good signal, non?" "Non," Babs and Shirley said. The trio then sat and waited patiently for Honey's crying jag to slow down long enough so that they could at least attempt some sort of intelligent conversation. When Honey finally spoke, every word was separated by heavy sobs. "Wh... why (sob) would (sob) Bugsy (sob) DO (sob) this (sob) to (sob) me?" Babs spoke right up. "Maybe he thinks Lola's prettier," she said. Fifi and Shirley, still seated on either side of Babs, quickly kicked her on the shins... hard. "OW!" Babs yelled. "It's just not fair," sobbed Honey, "I spent nearly all my life trying to make Bugsy happy, and _she_ comes along from out of nowhere and... and..." She buried her face in her hands, unable to continue speaking. Fifi attempted to console her. "Cheer up, Mmslle. Honey, zere are plenty of fish in ze ocean!" "Like, don't pay any attention to _her_," Shirley said. "Don't try fish-- what _you_ need is a rabbit! Any bunny but Bugs!" "I don't _want_ any bunny but Bugs," Honey cried. "That jerk?" Babs asked. "I hate to say it, but Shirley's right--the only way you'll get over your broken heart is to find someone else!" "But... but I don't _want_ someone else! I want my jerksy... I mean, my Bugsy!" Honey cried, breaking down in sobs again. The girls looked at each other and slowly shook their heads. "Boy, she's really got it _bad_ for him, all right," Babs sighed. "Like, I wonder what it'd be like to love someone that much," Shirley thought out loud. Fifi sighed wistfully. "Le sigh... I wouldn't know..." Babs and Shirley glanced at each other skeptically. "Yeah, right," they said in unison, completely unconvinced. After a few more minutes, Honey tried to speak again. "Look, I... I know you girls mean well, and that you'd like to help me, and under other circumstances, I would be grateful, but unless..." "Unless NOTHING!" Babs shouted. "Are you just gonna lay down and let that Lola come in from out of nowhere and take Bugs away from you without a fight?" "Why not? She's already done it," Honey cried. "Let's face it, girls, I'm history. My whole life is ruined..." "_You're_ not ruined until _WE_ ruin you!" Babs was really going overboard now. She had a tendency to let her hyper enthusiasm carry her away, usually with disastrous results, and this would prove to be one of those times. "Okay, girls," she said, going into a huddle with Shirley and Fifi, "it's time to implement 'Operation: Heartbreak'!" The trio quickly whispered things among themselves that, had she been able to hear, Honey would not have approved of. "Newspaper," Babs said. From out of nowhere, Shirley made that day's copy of The Acme Gazette appear. "Like, any particular section?" the loongirl asked. "Sports," Babs said. "Can I see ze horoscope when vous are done?" asked Fifi. "Like, what _for_, they _never_ get it right in _this_ rag!" Shirley replied, making the rest of the paper disappear, and leaving only the sports section. Babs quickly grabbed the paper and scanned it until she found what she wanted. "Credit card," Babs said. "Anyone's in particular?" Shirley asked. "Bugs's," Babs whispered. Instantly, Bugs's Visa Gold card materialized. Honey made a valiant dash for it, but Babs was just a hare... ahem, _hair_ too quick for her. Honey was now sprawled out flat on the floor. "Oh, well," the gray and white fembunny thought, "I'm glad they didn't take up the carpeting yet..." "Cell phone," Babs said. No sooner had the words left Babs's lips than a cellular phone appeared. No doubt about it--although Buster thought that Shirley was a real hoot, there were times when she came in real handy. Babs went into a spin change, and came out of it looking like... Bugs??? "Babs, I _don't_ know what you've got in mind, but..." Honey began, but Shirley stopped her. "Ssshh, like, I've always wanted to see if she could do _this_ voice," the New Age space cadet whispered. Immediately, Babs went into her act. "Eh... hello, Ticketmaster?... dis is Bugs... whaddya mean, Bugs _WHO_?... yeah, heeheeheeheehee, dat's right... ya got any tickets on da bench for da Lakers/Bulls game t'night?... yeah, I'm gonna need two... yeah, right beside Phil and Michael... yeah, charge it ta my Visa Gold card... an' could ya have 'em delivered to me office at Acme Loonivoisity?... dat's right... ya can?... oh, dat'd be great, Doc... oh, I _couldn't_ do dat... dat's Porky's line... oh, okay, just fer you... 'Eh... Dat's All, Folks!'... well, t'anks!... yeah, I like her, too... yeah, she's one poil of a goil, all right... an' you'll get 'em right over to me office at Acme Loo?... great, okay, bye-eee!" Babs hung up, spun-changed back into her normal (?) self, and Shirley and Fifi applauded admiringly. Honey, however, was not joining in. "Babs Bunny," she began. "That's my name, don't wear it out," the pink bunny replied. "Babs," Honey sighed, "would you mind telling me just _what_ all that was about?" Babs smiled. "Simple. Lola coaches basketball, right?" "Right, I think," Honey replied. "And we all know Bugs is a big Bulls fan, right?" "I guess so, Babs," Honey said. "So, this way, we beat her to the punch and get you and Bugs two benchside seats for tonight's game! It's foolproof!" Babs gloated. Honey was skeptical. "There's just one thing wrong with foolproof plans," she said. "And what's that?" asked Babs. "They're ususally thought up by fools," Honey replied dryly. Babs shrugged the comment off. "You'll thank us for this later." "We'll see," an unconvinced Honey said. -0- Meanwhile, Buster was waiting impatiently outside Weenie Burger for Mary Melody. "Come on, Mary, where are you?" he said, continually glancing at his watch. "Right behind you," the pretty black teenager replied, nearly causing Buster to drop two carry-out sacks. "Don't do that, Mary, I almost lost my lunch!" the blue bunny said. "That would be a first," Mary smirked. "_What_ would?" "Losing your Weenie Burger BEFORE eating it," she grinned. Buster thought about that, then laughed along with Mary. For being the most normal kid at Acme Loo, he thought, Mary was a lot of fun. "Here's your lunch, wisegal," Buster chuckled. Mary looked at the bag with casual disinterest. "You didn't get me one of those smiley-face puppy meals or whatever they're calling them this year, did you?" "Now, would I do that to you?" grinned Buster. Adopting an Irish brogue, Mary replied, "Hmmm, you _might_, rabbit, you might..." grinning as she and Buster sat at one of the outside booths. "Hey, Buster, do you think there's any _meat_ in these things?" she asked with a justifiable amount of skepticism. "If there was, I wouldn't eat it," Buster replied. Mary considered this for a moment. "Do you think _anybody_ knows what's in these things?" she finally asked. "If we knew _that_, then _nobody'd_ eat it," the blue rabbit said matter of factly. Mary shrugged. "I suppose..." As she and Buster ate, she had the sudden uncomfortable feeling that they were being... watched. "Buster..." "Yeah, I know, Mary," he whispered. "Just play along, okay?" Obviously, Buster was aware they were being spied on, and he knew by who. Inching closer to Mary and giving her a surreptitious wink, he took her in his arms as if he was going to kiss her passionately. "Oh, my darling," he said, clearly playing this over-the-top, "I have waited for this moment for an endless eternity..." Mary was startled, until she saw Buster mouth one word: "Plucky." Then she caught on, grinned and winked, and took up the ridiculous dialogue. "...and I have waited for you, my passionate living throw rug of joy," doing her best Susan Lucci imitation. "Minutes have turned to hours, hours have turned to days, days have turned to months, months have turned to..." She paused slightly. "No, they _couldn't_ have turned to _years_..." Then really pouring it on, she said boldly, "Months have turned to _weeks_!" Buster pulled her closer to him, and looking in her eyes, positioning her so that he could see Plucky's reflection in them, he smiled wickedly. "Are you ready for this moment, my love?" "Ready as I'll ever be, my dearest," Mary grinned, seeing Plucky hiding in the bushes behind them. "1..." she whispered. "2..." Buster whispered back. Then, turning at the shouted count of "3!" Buster and Mary gave Plucky a well-deserved Bronx cheer right in his face. The bunny and the girl fell down laughing, while a flustered Plucky took out a handkerchief and wiped his face off. "Very funny, _very_ funny!" groused Plucky. "Just wait 'til I tell Babs!" "Tell her what?" laughed Mary, "that we spit in your face?" "Yeah, that'll teach you to spy on us," Buster grinned. "No thanks, I already know how," the silly green duck answered, trying to regain what little dignity he had. "Surrrrrre you do," kidded Buster. "Well, as long as you're here, you may as well join the party." "You... aren't gonna spit on me again, are you?" Plucky asked warily. "Depends on your behavior," Mary grinned. As Plucky slid into the seat beside her, Buster asked, "So, what did you learn?" "That if you spy on your friends, they spit on you," Plucky began. "Not _you_, _her!_" Buster snapped. Mary took a sip of her soda. "Well, Lola took off from Bugs's office in a hurry, like she had someplace to go..." "And, _did_ she?" Buster asked. Plucky leaned over to hear, his own natural nosiness now aroused. "Yeah, did she?" he echoed. "She did," Mary said. "I had to dodge all the red lights in town just to keep up with her." "And, did you?" asked Buster. "Yeah, did you?" Plucky repeated. Mary looked annoyed. "Is there an echo out here?" "Naah," Buster casually remarked, "just a silly duck." "Yeah," Plucky said, "just a silly du... HEY!" "Anyway," Mary said, taking another sip of soda, "I did manage to catch up with her. I made sure I stayed out of sight..." "You always knew that tabloid training would pay off some day!" Plucky started. Mary shoved her Weenie Burger in his bill. "Go on, eat, you're not fat enough," Mary said coldly. "Anyway, you know where she was?" "Of _course_ not," Buster said, "that's why I wanted you to follow her!" "Mmmph grr wllr pleb fmrt," Plucky mumbled, trying like the dickens to eat that lousy Weenie Burger, which was as much a losing battle for him as playing jacks against himself. Mary cleared her throat, and motioned Buster closer to whisper in his ear. When she did, his ears stood straight up. "No kidding! I wonder what she'd be doing there," Buster mused. "Doing where?" Plucky finally managed to ask. "I don't know, Buster," Mary sighed. "She was in and out so fast that I lost her trail..." "Well, it's a start, anyway," Buster said. "What could she possibly be doing going to a place like that, I wonder?" "A place like what?" Plucky asked impatiently. "Well, whatever reason she had," Mary said, "she must not have wanted to be seen coming out of there." "Coming out of where?" demanded Plucky. "I wonder if this has anything to do with Bugs," Buster thought aloud. "I couldn't say," Mary sighed. "Yes, you could! You're training in TV news, you're SUPPOSED to be a blabbermouth!" Plucky shouted. Mary took the sack from her take-out lunch and swiftly placed it over Plucky's head. "In the immortal words of Shirley McLoon, 'like, bag your face, duck!'," Mary said, quite fed up with Plucky for one lifetime. "Which reminds me, have you had a casualty report from The Amazing Three yet?" Buster sighed, "Not yet... but I have a feeling it's only a matter of time. Come on, let's see how much damage they've done." Buster and Mary got up and left Plucky, still seated at the outdoor booth with a bag over his head. Hamton came by, saw the bag with webbed feet, and dutifully stuffed it in a nearby trashcan, just in time for the Acme Garbage truck to come by and make its daily pickup from Weenie Burger. "This just isn't one of my days," Plucky thought as he was thrown into the garbage truck... -0- As it turned out, Buster and Mary arrived a little too late to do any damage control, for by the time they'd reached Honey's house, The Amazing Three + one gray and white (and very confused) fembunny weren't there. Shirley had telepathically teleported themselves to Acme Looniversity, just outside of Bugs's office, moments before the basketball tickets were to arrive. "Like, this is the _only_ way to travel," Shirley smiled. Fifi was trying to get her bearings. "Zut alors! Zat was, how vous say..." Babs finished Fifi's thought. "Quite a rush?" she asked breathlessly. "Speak for yourself," a queasy Honey Bunny stated, her stomach not used to this form of travel. "If I could speak for myself, then Tress MacNeille wouldn't have a..." Stern looks from the others gave Babs a clear indication that she'd better cool it then and there. "Oh, yeah," she said to the camera, "forgot... Buster _did_ that joke already." Returning to the task at hand, Babs fished through her skirt pockets until she found Bugs's credit card. Time was of the essence now; Shirley had to zap the card back into Bugs's wallet before he missed it, and before the tickets arrived. "Quick, Shirl!" Babs whispered. "Excuse me? I have some basketball tickets for a Bugs Bunny," said a delivery boy who looked slightly familiar, with the name "Keanu" across his shirt pocket. "Like, oops, too late," whispered Shirley. Babs, however, took it all in stride. "Well, _you_ certainly showed up early," she said nonchalantly. "Yeah," Keanu said. "Fortunately, I caught this speeding bus..." "Why didn't I see that one coming?" Babs asked. Fifi and Shirley simply shrugged, while Honey wanted to go hide... anywhere. "Anyway, is Mr. Bunny in? I have to collect for these tickets," Keanu continued. Babs fidgeted momentarily, then inspiration hit her. "Uh, collect for the... oh, yeah! Hahahahahahaha, right! What _was_ I thinking of?" Flashing Bugs's plastic cash, the pink bunny adlibbed like she'd never adlibbed before. "You see, Mr. Bunny is a very busy cartoon character! He's so busy, in fact, that he can't even take the time to pay for his own basketball tickets! So, that's why he hires us pretty girls, to handle all his shopping for him! It's called the law of supply and demand, see?" Actually, Keanu _didn't_; but Babs had the gift of gab, and she seemed so darn convincing, that the delivery boy just took her explanation as fact. "Visa Gold acceptable?" Babs asked, a winsome smile on her face. "Yeah, whatever, as long as they get paid, they don't care what color the cash comes in," Keanu said, running the credit card through a portable scanner, just to see if Bugs's credit was good (and it always was), and then running it through his receipt tray. "Zat ees what makes zis country so great," Fifi gushed, "people zat take pride in zere work!" "If you say so," Keanu shrugged, handing Babs the card, the receipt amd the precious basketball tickets. "Enjoy the game," he said as he left. Babs gloated over the trio's good luck. "Wow! This is even _better_ than what we planned! Okay, Shirl... now!" Shirley quickly zapped the credit card back into Bugs's wallet. Babs tucked the receipt into her skirt, and placed the tickets into a plain envelope. Turning to Honey, she asked, "Have you got a pen on you?" Honey began searching herself. "I think so, I... wait a minute! Babs..." She gave The Amazing Three a scornful look. "I don't want any part of this, and I think it would be a good idea if you..." "Too late, Honey. The wheels have already started turning! You couldn't stop this even if you wanted to, hahahahahaha..." Babs said, laughing like a power-crazed rabbit (which, of course, she was). "But, Babs, I _DO_ want to stop this! If I'm going to get Bugsy back, which I think is pretty doubtful, then I'd like to do it on my own terms," Honey said. But her argument went nowhere. In the meantime, Shirley had come up with a pen and handed it to Babs. "Okay, Honey," Babs commanded, handing the envelope to her, "write!" "Write? Write what?" Honey asked, slightly confused. Babs thought for a moment. Then, a small floodlamp appeared over her head. "Got it! Write, 'Bugsy--care to join me for a game tonight?' and sign it, 'You-know-who.' _That'll_ get his attention!" "But, Babs, I _never_ sign ANYTHING 'You-know-who,'" Honey protested. "Well, it's time you learned how," Babs replied. "And if you don't, we will." Normally, Honey would have had the strength of character not to let this demented threesome take sudden charge of her romantic life; but right now, Honey was so confused, so upset, and so lacking in her own self-confidence that all reason had left her. And if this ploy was going to get her Bugsy back to her, and away from that... that... that Lola... then so be it. Reluctantly, Honey followed Babs's instructions. Taking the signed envelope with a curt "Thank yew," Babs slipped it halfway under Bugs's office door, knocked three times, and then, with Honey and the other girls close behind, hid around the corner. Sure enough, Bugs opened the door, just as Babs had thought he would. "What now?" whispered Honey. "We wait," Babs replied. "Hey, dere, who comes knockin' at me door?" Bugs asked, annoyed at not seeing anybody there. "Fine t'ing, playin' pranks at dis time o' day," he grumbled. He was about to close the door when he noticed the envelope. "Well, what do we have here?" he asked, picking the envelope up, reading the message written on it, then opening it and removing the two tickets. "Well, I'll be... heeheeheeheehee... what a goil!" he chuckled. From their hidden vantage point, The A.T. and Honey watched as Bugs went back to his desk. "All right, Honey, it's working! You know what he's gonna do next?" asked an excited Babs. "I'm sure I haven't got the slightest idea," Honey replied. "Like, it's so obvoius, I'm _sure_," Shirley said. "He's gonna try to call you at home, or some junk!" Sure enough, Bugs was seated at his desk and reaching for his phone. Honey's spirits soared, until she remembered that she'd had her home phone disconnected. "I've got to go to him," she said excitedly, happier than she'd been all day. But before she could get to his office, her big ears caught the conversation that Bugs seemed to be having. "Wait a minute, who's he talking to?" "Be quiet and we'll _all_ know," Babs whispered. Moving closer to Bugs's door, they heard him mutter, "Man, I just _hate_ gettin' answerin' machines... yeah, yeah, wait for da beep..." Honey exchanged puzzled looks with the girls. Finally, Bugs spoke into the phone. "Yeah, Lola? Eh, sorry I couldn't catch ya at home, dis is Bugsy... I mean, Bugs... t'anks for da tickets, I didn't even know MJ and da gang was in town t'night, and dese prob'ly set ya back some, but I'm afraid I ain't gonna make it, I'm gonna be tied up at da Loonivoisty all night. So, youse can come by an' pick 'em up anytime at my office... hey, ya might ask Buster! He _loves_ a good basketball game! Heeheeheeheehee..." After the initial shock wore off, the girls and Honey slowly made their way to the circular entranceway of Acme Loo. Honey was in too much of a daze to even think straight. "Lola," she said numbly, "he thought they were from Lola..." "Why would he even _think_ of palming her off on Buster?" Babs asked, also numbly. "Buster's _mine_... isn't he?" "Like, mondo negatory bad vibes, or some junk," mumbled Shirley. Fifi sighed, "So _zis_ ees Romantic Hell." Then she sighed again for something to do. Then, without warning, Babs became very angry. "Well, if he thinks he's gonna unload that tramp of a bunny onto MY guy, he's got another think coming! I'll..." "Babs," Honey said weakly, "I don't think it's going to work." "What isn't?" the pink bunny asked. "Whatever you're thinking of, that's what!" Honey began crying again. "I can't possibly compete with someone like Lola, she's younger, she's prettier, she's..." "Like, she's taking your guys from you, is what she's doing!" Shirley said angrily. "I mean, if she's going after Bugs and Buster, who's going to be... next..." Then a horrid thought crossed her mind. "She'd better NOT try for Plucky!" Immediately, storm clouds gathered on the horizon, lightning flashed, dogs howled, mothers took their children off the street, truck drivers cowered in their 18-wheelers in fear... "Shirley," Fifi said calmly, "what would zat Lola trampette want weeth lunchmeat like Plucky?" That made Shirley stop and think. Immediately, the storm clouds went away, the lightning stopped, dogs went back to sleep, mothers put their children back on the streets, and truck drivers sat up straight in the cabs of their 18-wheelers, no longer living in fear of an angry Loongirl with enough psychic energy in her to cause considerable damage. Suddenly, Babs brightened. "Hey, wait a minute! Of _course_! _Why_ didn't we think of this _before_?" "Think of _what_ before?" a nervous Honey asked. "Isn't it obvious? We fight flash with flash!" Babs grinned. Fifi smiled. "Zut alors! But of _course_! Eet's so simple! We turn Shirley loose on zis Lola and blast her out of ze city limits!" "Like, I'm willing, if you're sure nobody'll ask questions," Shirley said. "I don't think anybody'll..." Honey began, then she stopped and thought about what she was contemplating. She shook her head insistently. "No, I can't even _consider_ anything like that! Not for even a moment!" Shirley and Fifi gazed at her with surprised looks. "I'm sorry, but I was brought up to believe that it's wrong to hurt someone, no matter what the reason... I just can't give my approval to something like this..." "Honey, I admire your ethics or whatever you call 'em," Babs said, "but I wasn't thinking in those terms." "Well, then _what_?" Honey, Shirley and Fifi asked. Babs grinned. "Honey, how long have you been around?" The gray and white fembunny didn't even have to think over the answer to that one. "Thirty years, give or take a few months, why?" "All right," Babs continued, "would you consider yourself beautiful?" Honey sighed. "Beauty is a relative term, Babs." "I didn't ask about your relatives, I asked about you. Do you consider yourself beautiful?" Honey gave the matter a moment's thought before she finally answered. "I've never really thought so," she admitted. "Bugsy always did, though. I guess that was one of the reasons I went into modeling, to see if I could make myself pretty in Bugsy's eyes. But, he always seemed to like me for what I was naturally, not what I could put on." She paused. "Does that make any kind of sense?" The Amazing Three shook their heads. "Not to us, no," Babs replied. "Why doesn't that surprise me?" Honey sighed helplessly. Without waiting for any sort of reply, Babs sat Honey down on the steps of Acme Loo. "Let me tell you something about guys," Babs began. "You can't figure them out, either?" asked Honey. Babs shrugged. "What can I say? She got me on that one." "If I had any sense at all," Honey continued, "I'd put a stop to this right here and now..." "Like, as if you could," Shirley said. "What do you mean, if you had any sense at all?" Babs asked. "You've got more sense in your big finger than you have in your little finger!" Honey regarded Babs with an icy stare. "Thanks for the compliment. And what I mean is, I'm putting my entire romantic future in the hands of three girls who couldn't collectively get a spark of _anything_ going if they had two sticks, a handful of dry grass, some flint and a bucket of kerosene! What in the world makes you think you know _anything_ about long-term relationships?" Babs just let the comments slide. "I know someone who didn't kiss Mr. Sunshine today," she said with a patronizing tone. Honey was becoming just a little angry by now. "Of _course_ I didn't! Lola beat me to it!" "Babs," Fifi interjected, hoping to avoid a catastrophe--or at the very least, bloodshed--"why did vous want to know if Mmslle. Honey thought she was beautiful?" "Thanks for reminding me, Fifi. It all goes back to what you said in the locker room today about vanilla ice cream," Babs replied. "And Honey is nice, like vanilla ice cream, but she has no... that is, she hasn't got any... I mean, she just hasn't got enough..." She was trying to come up with the right phrase that best described Honey without offending her; unfortunately, it was a little too late for that. "Thank you for boosting my ego," Honey said with about as much excitement as a 25 cent tour of a mudhole. "I already _said_ I don't think of myself as beautiful, I know I'm plain, and I'm happy with that..." "Who are you trying to kid, Honey?" Babs challenged. "If you _were_ happy being plain, you'd have never gone into modeling, and you wouldn't be concerned over Lola's being prettier than you." At that, Honey became defensive. "WHO'S concerned over Lola being prettier?" she yelled. "YOU are, you said so yourself!" Babs yelled back. "I did?" Then Honey remembered that scene in her living room. "Oh, my Lord, I did..." She buried her head in her hands again and started to cry. "When did I start to lose it?" she asked in between sobs. "When Lola came here, but if things work out, you might be able to get it back," Babs assured her. "Shirley, we need to get Honey home a.s.a.p. and fast!" "Like, there's good sentence structure, or some junk," the loongirl smiled. "Shirley, can you please at least wait until I take a Dramamine or..." Honey began. But before she could finish, Shirley did her thing and ZAP! The Amazing Three + one _thoroughly_ confused fembunny were gone, at the very second that Bugs opened the double doors of the entranceway. "Hey, could youse keep da..." Bugs stopped, then looked around. "Hm, guess dere's no one here. Strange," he said as he turned to go back inside, "I coulda _sworn_ I hoid Honey Bunny..." -0- "Buster, would you mind telling me what we're doing here?" Mary asked as she and the blue bunny sat in the outer office of what had to be the last real estate agency they'd visited since lunch. "You haven't begun to take that silly scene at Weenie Burger's seriously, have you?" Buster smiled. "Sorry, Mary, I like you, but you're just not my type." "Meaning...?" "Meaning, you ain't got fur all over your body," Buster grinned. "Heaven forbid!" Mary grined back. "Now, why have we been going to real estate offices? Shouldn't we be tracking down Lola?" "That's exactly what we're doing," Buster replied. "I thought it'd be easier to find her than to try and keep track of Honey and the girls, but I'm beginning to have my doubts about that, too. The crummy school computer won't give us her home address, and Lola doesn't seem like the kind of girl who'd be all that crazy about living in a hole in the ground, so..." "Excuse me," an attractive woman in a smartly-tailored business suit said, "can I help you?" Buster and Mary took a good look at her, and noticed that she was a very attractive strawberry blonde... rat. "Yeah, we hope so," Buster began, then he stared harder. "Pardon me, but have we met somewhere before?" "I don't _think_ so," the rat smiled, "unless you know my daughter." "Your daughter?" asked Mary. Then something clicked in Mary's mind. "Wait! Your daughter's name wouldn't happen to be 'Rubella,' by any chance?" "By _every_ chance, it is!" The rat offered a friendly paw to Mary and Buster. "My name's Rhonda. And you must be Buster Bunny." "Guilty as charged," he laughed. "And this is..." he started to say as a way of introduction, but Rhonda beat him to it. "Mary Melody," she said. "I've seen you play b-ball against my daughter dozens of times. Girl, you've got some moves on you!" "Why, thank you," Mary said. "Coming from the mom of one of the enemy, I consider that high praise! I'm looking forward to more of the same this year..." Rhonda sighed heavily. "I hate to disappoint you, Mary, but Ruby's dropped out of Perfecto this year." This was definitely news to Buster and Mary. "What? Why? I play my best b-ball against Ruby! Nothing's happened to her, has it?" "No, she's fine, I guess. She just wouldn't say why. Ruby's been, well, having some personal problems lately... so personal, she won't even tell me what's bothering her... but something is, a mother can always tell." Rhonda sighed again. "Anyway, with me working full-time now at the office, I don't have anyone to watch Roberta--that's my four-year-old, going on five--so, until Ruby decides what she wants to do next with her life, she's staying home watching her sister." She paused, then said, "Well, I'm sure you two didn't come here to hear me talk about my home life. What can I do for you?" Buster and Mary smiled. They liked this rat, and wondered why Ruby didn't take after her. "We're hoping you might have rented or sold a house to one of our teachers in the last couple of days. She's new to the neighborhood, and..." Buster started. Rhonda smiled an all-knowing smile. "And, your crummy school computer won't give her address to you and this is the last real estate office you've come to in hopes of tracking her down, right?" Mary gasped in amazement. "Wow! You don't happen to know Shirley, do you?" Rhonda continued to smile. "Shirley _WHO_?" "Never mind," Mary said. "If you have to ask..." "Anyway, Mrs. Rat," Buster said in an attempt to get back on track, "it's really important. Did a Lola Bunny rent or buy a place from you?" Rhonda sat on the corner of her desk and adopted a thoughtful look. "Hmm...Lola Bunny, Lola Bunny...that seems familiar...3' 2", blue-green eyes, blonde hairdo, with a figure that turns men's heads and sensible women jealous?" "Go no further," exclaimed Buster, "that's HER!" Rhonda still had that thoughtful look. "Hmm... I'll bet right now that you're expecting me to say, 'Nope, never heard of her,' right?" "That thought has crossed our minds," Mary said, expecting the worst. "Then I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed," Rhonda grinned, "because I rented a two-bedroom home to her just yesterday!" "You did? Great! Where is it?" Buster asked. Rhonda adopted a look of complete uncertainty, however. "Um, Buster," she said, somewhat hesitantly, "I don't know if I should tell you or not. You see, Lola asked me not to divulge that information in case anybody asked..." "Oh, great," Mary sighed, "a brick wall, my favorite." Buster, on the other hand, would not be so easily discouraged. "Please, Mrs. Rat, it's _really_ important..." If there was one thing that Rhonda couldn't stand, it was a pleading rabbit. "Oh, for heaven's sake, call me Rhonda..." "Okay," Buster grinned, "Help me, Rhonda..." "Thank you for not singing, by the way," the femrat smiled. "Is it _really_ really important, or just really important?" Buster looked at her with "Sympathy Take # 37: Big, Sad Puppy Dog Eyes." "Yes, Rhonda, it's _really_, _really_ REALLY important! Honey Bunny's future happiness depends on it!" Rhonda took on a surprised look. "Honey Bunny? Isn't that Bugs Bunny's girlfriend?" "She thought so up until today," Mary replied sadly. Rhonda considered this for a brief second. Getting involved in other toons' romantic affairs was normally something she shied away from, but there was something in the way Mary said that line that intrigued her. Quickly, Rhonda took out a pen and wrote an address on the back of one of her business cards and handed it to Mary. "I'm probably going to catch heck for doing this," she sighed to herself. "Just remember, if Lola asks, you didn't get this from me." "Gotcha, Rhonda," Buster said, as he and Mary made their way out the door of her office. "Thanks!" "It was nice meeting you," Mary said as Buster pulled her out the door. "Same here," Rhonda replied. "Good luck!" "Thanks," Mary called back, "we're gonna need it." Once outside, she and Buster made their way to her car, climbed in the front seat, folded their arms across the dashboard, and rested their heads for several silent minutes, not saying a word. Finally, a question from Mary broke the silence. "Buster?" "Yeah?" "What's our next move?" Buster had been anticipating that question (he wasn't Captain of the Acme Loo Debating Team for nothing), and had a ready answer. "_My_ next move is to go back to the Loo and follow Bugs around for the rest of the day. As much as he's been talking about working late at the office, I also know that he can't stand being cooped up in one place for too long. Sooner or later, he's gonna get away from the Looniversity for a while, and it's my guess that he's gonna pay a call on Lola. I don't know why, or how, but I have a feeling he's gonna head over there before the day is over. Lemme see that address again." Mary handed him the card. Buster memorized the address and handed the card back to Mary. "Thanks. Now, while I'm doing that, why don't you go see if you can find Honey? Unless I miss my guess, she's probably at home. But if Babs and the girls are there, then don't let them see you. Just keep an eye on them, take notes if you have to, and then meet me outside Lola's place, say, around 7:00." "Got it," Mary said, then added, "Why 7:00?" "Why not? I have a feeling whatever's gonna happen isn't gonna happen until nighttime, and 7:00 is as good a time as any. Besides, there isn't anything good on TV tonight." "Is there _ever_?" Mary asked skeptically. Several more minutes of silence passed, until Mary broke the quiet with another question. "Buster?" "Yeah?" "Have you got your learner's permit yet?" "No, why?" "Then how about we trade places so I can get behind the wheel and drive? Otherwise we're gonna be sitting in this parking lot all day!" Buster slapped himself on the forehead. "No _wonder_ we weren't moving!" As Mary slid behind the wheel, Buster thought he heard her say something uncomplimentary about rabbits in general, and his relatives in particular... -0- ZAP!!!!! Babs, Shirley, Fifi and Honey rematerialized on the sofa in Honey's living room, which still had neatly stacked moving boxes around it. "I'd _almost_ rather ride a roller coaster than go through this again," a nauseous Honey Bunny moaned, waiting for her stomach to settle down long enough for her to throw up. But Babs wasn't going to give her the chance. "What time have you got, Shirley?" "Like, what are you asking _me_ for? I don't wear watches, they clash with my biorhythms, or some junk," the loongirl said. "Figures," Babs muttered. "Fifi?" "Moi believes een Paree, ze time ees..." "I don't care what time it is in Paree, I wanna know what time it is in Acme Acres!" snapped the pink bunny. Honey looked weakly at her wristwatch. "It's almost 4:00...why?" But Babs didn't answer. Instead, she got up from the sofa, walked to Honey's front door, opened it, calmly held open her left skirt pocket, and whistled nonchalantly while the two $20 bills she'd sent flying out the door earlier that day flew back into her skirt, followed by two out-of- breath moving men, who collapsed on the doorstep of Honey's porch. Babs smiled. "You boys wanna go for double or nothing?" The movers revived only long enough to scream, hand Babs the keys to the moving van, and then run as far and fast away from this crazy pink rabbit as they could. "Wow, like, how do you _do_ that?" Shirley asked in amazement. Babs shrugged. "Like I said, it's a gift," she smirked, pocketing the keys. "I get more moving vans that way. Fat lot of good it does me, since I can't drive... oh, well..." She then turned her attention back to Honey. "Now, about _you_..." "What _about_ me?" Honey replied, her stomach having finally settled down. "Lola seems to be all flash and no substance. If flash is what Bugs is after, then flash is what he shall get. And if Bugs wants a flashy girl, then why shouldn't it be you? I mean, you've _got_ the modeling experience to pull it off, it shouldn't be anything at all for you to take on a new look..." "But, Babs, that's my _job_, taking on different looks. I don't want to be anything other than myself when I'm not working..." Babs disregarded Honey's protest. "Nonsense. You just wait until _we_ get through with you!" "Umm... Babs, could you possibly phrase that differently?" Babs smiled wickedly. "I _could_, but why bother?" she asked, reaching into her skirt and pulling out a small white cube with a bright red button on top. Now Honey was really getting nervous. "What's that thing?" she asked as Fifi and Shirley came up behind her. "Oh, just a little 'help,' that's all," Babs replied, setting the cube on the floor. "Stand back. You'll need to," she warned, as she pressed the red button. Before Honey's startled eyes, the small cube suddenly became an enormous professional make-up studio, complete with lighted mirrors, a vast assortment of organic cosmetics, and a large wardrobe rack literally lined with every kind of designer dress for any occasion. Babs looked at her watch. "Okay, it's 4:03. Bugs still has the basketball tickets, game time is 8:00. This gives us about 3 hours, not counting transportation time and other unforseen delays and plot complications, to make Honey over so thoroughly that Bugs won't even recognize her." "...and this could be _good_?" Honey asked, uncertain that she wanted any further part of this... and she didn't. But it was out of her paws now. "Like, trust us, 'kay?" Shirley reassured her. "We think we know what we're doing." "Somehow, this does not fill me with comfort," Honey said. Babs looked at Honey with the casual disinterest of an Army drill sargeant. "Okay, Honey," Babs commanded, "strip." "What?!?" Fifi sighed. "Honestlee, Mmslle. Honey, how do vous expect us to make vous ovair while you're wearing _zat_ plain outfeet?" "But I _like_ this outfit," Honey replied weakly, her resistance weakening. "It's comfortable, it's sensible, it's..." "Dull," Babs said. "Look, do you want Bugs back or don't you?" "Well," Honey began. "After all," Babs continued, "there's nothing Lola has that you don't. She just likes to advertise it a little more. Now strip!" Reluctantly, Honey slipped out of her favorite form-fitting lavender dress, and now stood before the girls wearing nothing but her gloves and a large red bow between her ears. "Okay," she said softly, slightly uneasy to be in this position. "Now what?" Babs walked around Honey, regarding her with a critical eye. "Hmmm... you work out, don't you?" "Well, yes, why?" Honey asked, "am I getting muscles?" "With _that_ figure, who needs 'em?" Babs said. "Hon, that's not a bad lookin' bod for... how old do you admit to being, anyway?" "30," Honey replied. "Uh-huh," Babs said. "And how old are you _really_?" "30," Honey replied. "And with a bod like that, Bugs goes after Lola?" Babs shook her head. "I just hope _I_ look that good when I grow as old as you are!" "Thanks for the back-handed compliment, Babs, can I get dressed now?" Honey responded with an umistakable chill in her voice, which, naturally enough, Babs ignored completely. "Don't mention it, no, and... oh yes... the bow." "The bow?" Honey asked. "What about the bow?" "The bow's gotta go. It'll clash with the wig." "Well," Honey began, "if it'll clash with... WAIT A MINUTE, BABS! _WHAT_ WIG?" "_This_ wig," Babs answered, quickly putting a full blonde wig on Honey's head. "There," she said, adjusting it slightly. "Take a look, and tell me what you see." Honey took one look in the lighted mirror. "I see a naked rabbit with a blonde wig. This does not look natural, Babs, it'd be like asking me to wear lipstick..." "That comes later," Babs said. "Besides, you want natural, watch 'Wild Kingdumb.' You want _Bugs_..." Babs left the sentence unfinished. Honey sighed. She was knee-deep in this hare-brained scheme already, she might as well go all-out. If she was gonna make a fool of herself, might as well do it on a grand scale. This was how desperate to keep Bugs she'd become, she thought sadly to herself... letting this demented trio tell her how to dress. As Shirley and Fifi, over Honey's objections, began a complete cosmetic makeover worthy of Barnum & Bailey--with the same outcome--the poor gray fembunny tried to protest as loudly as she could. "But I don't _wear_ make-up!" she screamed as Fifi grabbed a putty knife and shoved it in a jar of cold cream. "Vous do _tonight_!" Fifi cackled maniacally. Whatever Babs had, Fifi'd caught it. It was only a matter of time before Shirley too would catch MBD (Mad Babs Disease). Meanwhile, the instigator of this unprovoked attack on this poor girl who clearly didn't deserve such abuse was going through the wardrobe rack. "Hmm... _somewhere_ in here's a dress that'll knock Bugs's eyes out," Babs said to herself, looking at and then rejecting every dress she came to, with a rationale that only Babs understood. "MMM... no, too plain... no, too cute... no, too white-bread... AHA! PERFECT!" she finally exclaimed, her eyes lighting on a firey red wisp of a dress that wasn't all there. "This one is positively _sinful_!" she laughed. Honey turned abruptly to Babs, just in time to miss a huge gob of cold cream, which Fifi inadvertently smacked Shirley in the face with. "Excuse me, Babs, but _this_ Bunny doesn't _do_ 'sinful'!" she said with as much determination as she could. "You do _tonight_," Babs snapped back, as Shirley and Fifi grabbed Honey and began their banzai makeup job again. "Mmslle. Honey," Fifi said, applying a garishly glittery purple eye make-up around Honey's eyes, "how does vous feel about your whiskairs?" "I happen to _like_ my whiskers, Fifi, in fact, they've grown rather attached to me... why?" she asked suspiciously. Then the horror of what Fifi had in mind came to her. "No, not the whiskers..." "Zey'll spoil ze effect eef we don't remove zem," Fifi stated. "Yeah, and like, my _grandmother_ has whiskers," Shirley added. "A recent national survey found that 85% of most grandmothers do," Babs said with all the emotion of a commercial. "But... but I'm a rabbit! I'm _SUPPOSED_ to have whiskers!" Honey's protest was all in vain, as Babs approached her with a mad twinkle in her eyes. "Trust us, Honey, they're only in the way. And besides, I can promise you this will be as painless as possible." Babs advanced menacingly. Honey whimpered. "Promise?" "Promise," Babs said, as she quickly yanked Honey's whiskers--all six of them--off her face at once. Honey's scream shattered the make-up table mirror. "Babs!" she shrieked, her paws quickly covering her aching whiskerless muzzle, "You promised this wouldn't hurt!" "It didn't," Babs shrugged. "I didn't feel a thing." Honey was getting a little peeved. "You know, you _COULD_ have just taken an eraser and _ERASED_ them! I _AM_ a _TOON_, you know!" Babs slapped herself on the forehead. "_Now_ she tells me. Oh, well, no harm done. Fifi, finish her off." "Can't you put that another way?" Honey cried... and the madness continued, the girls and their victim unaware that Mary Melody was watching all this by peeking through Honey's front porch window. "Poor Honey," she thought sadly to herself. "Buster's not gonna believe _this_... and Bugs... well, who _knows_ what Bugs'll think of this... I've gotta warn them about this..." Before she left, she took one last look in the window, and was shocked to see the end results of the "makeover". The make-up was bad enough, but that... that... dress? -0- All the rest of that afternoon, Bugs Bunny had the most uneasy sensation that someone was peeking over his shoulder. "Nah, dat's silly," he told himself as he sat in his office, going over administrative paperwork. There wasn't anybody in the office but him; Sylvia was outside at her reception desk, fielding the occasional phone call, and everyone else had gone home for the day. And yet, he couldn't shake the feeling he wasn't alone; but every time the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, he turned around quickly. But there was no one to be seen. "I must be woikin' too hard," he said to himself. It was then that Daffy Duck strolled into Bugs's office and planted his posterior in a chair across from Toondom's most famous rabbit. "You working too hard? _That'll_ be the day," the maladjusted mallard said sarcastically. Bugs looked up from his work, clearly annoyed at the interruption. "Don't start, Daf..." Then, as an afterthought, he said, "Hey, Daf, did you ever get da feelin' you was bein'... watched?" "No," Daffy replied. "But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you." "You're such a comfort," Bugs replied dryly. "But I'm serious. For da last couple o' hours or so, I've been gettin' da strangest feelin' dat somebody's lookin' over me shoulder." Quickly, Bugs spun around to see if anyone was, but no one was visible. Daffy, of course, wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention. If he had been, and if Bugs had been just a hair quicker, they would have caught one Buster Bunny in the act of spying on his mentor, but he ducked behind Bugs's chair just in time. "Man, the things I do for Honey," Buster thought to himself, holding his breath. One thing Buster had noticed among the clutter on Bugs's desk was a pair of tickets to a basketball game. And Buster wasn't the _only_ one who noticed them. "Eh, you're gonna be working here all night, right, rabbit?" Daffy asked with an unmistakably suspicious tone in his voice. Bugs regarded him with a look that said that that was a stupid question. "Dat's a stupid question, Daf... of _course_ I am! I'm way behind on dis administration stuff as it is..." "Yeah, right," Daffy replied. "Well, apparently, a basketball game falls under the category of 'administration stuff'..." "Basketball game?" Bugs appeared puzzled; then he remembered the tickets. "Hunh... I _t'ought_ I was forgettin' somet'in'. Lola dropped dem by here dis afternoon..." Without waiting for an invitation, Daffy snatched the tickets from the desk. "Hmmm... seats on the bench! I didn't know Michael was in town..." Bugs snatched the tickets back from Daffy. "Yeah, but I got all dis woik ta do, so I ain't gonna have time ta go..." the rabbit sighed. A greedy glint that appears in the eyes of ticket scalpers everywhere suddenly appeared in Daffy's eyes. "Well, if you're not going to the game, and you're not adverse to picking up a bit of spare loot in the process, I can get rid of them for..." Daffy began. At that point, Buster wanted to shout out "No!", but realized that would have given him away; besides, he thought that those basketball tickets might be significant, even though he wasn't sure why. Fortunately, Bugs saved him the trouble. "Eh, no can do, duck... Lola musta shelled out a lot to get dese tickets, by rights, dey still belong ta her... strange, I ain't hoid back from her about dem..." Bugs paused momentarily, then said, "Oh, what da heck, dis paperwoik can wait 'til tomorrow," as he picked up the tickets. "I might as well go see a game. I wish I knew where Honey was, I'm sure she'd love ta go..." "Hey, that reminds me," Daffy sputtered, "when did she finally flip?" "Eh... how's dat again?" Bugs questioned. "When'd she flip? She nearly knocked me down in the hallway this afternoon without so much as an 'excuse me'!" Daffy exclaimed. Bugs looked at Daffy like he was daffy. "_When_ did she do dis?" "Dis after... I mean, _this_ afternoon! Boy," Daffy said disgustedly, "I hang around you long enough, I begin to talk like you..." "You're even loonier den I t'ought, toon... Honey ain't _been_ here today!" Bugs replied adamantly. But Daffy was just as adamant. "The _heck_ she hasn't! It was either her, or you've started wearing dresses again!" he accused. Bugs took a nonchalant bite of carrot. "Nah... I ain't done _dat_ in years! Dat kinda stuff don't get laughs no more..." Daffy looked skeptically at him. "Years?" he quizzed. "Oh, all right," Bugs sighed, "months! But dat was Hallowe'en! I ain't put on a dress since den..." Bugs stopped suddenly, then leaned forward. "Eh, Daf... can anybody else prove Honey was here?" "Well, there's always your secretary..." As if right on cue, Sylvia stuck her head through the office door. "Chief, if there's nothing else for me to do, I'm gonna go home, okay?" the blonde pussycat said. Bugs raised his gloved paws. "Eh, hold it a minute, Syl... dere _is_ one t'ing... did youse happen ta see Honey here today?" "Honey? As in..." Sylvia began. "I don't mean as in 'Bosko and,'" Bugs replied. Sylvia regarded him with a questioning gaze. "Well, yes, she was here for a moment, anyway. You were in conference, but she insisted on seeing you, so she went to your new door..." "Uh-huh, den what happened?" Sylvia regarded Bugs with that same gaze, as though he was supposed to know. "Well, she came back to my desk, sat down, then she began shaking and hyperventilating, and then she began crying, said she never wanted to see or hear from you again ever, and bolted outta here like Jackie Joyner! She nearly knocked Daffy over without so much as an 'excuse me'!" Then she looked angrily at her boss. "What did you _say_ to her, anyway???" "Honest, Syl, I didn't even _see_ her!" Bugs raised his paws in a gesture of innocent protest. Then an idea came to him, and he hoped he was wrong. "Eh, Syl... who was I s'posed ta be in conference _wit'_?" "Are you kidding? The only one you had a conference with was Lola..." Sylvia looked accusingly at Bugs. "Bugs Bunny, were you doing something with Lola..." "Not dat _I'm_ aware of, I wasn't," Bugs replied. "Eh... was Honey by herself, by any chance?" "No, Buster was with her. Why?" Sylvia asked. Buster crouched even lower behind Bugs's chair; unfortunately, one of his ears stuck out from his hiding place, unbeknownst to the blue bunny. Bugs rubbed his chin in thought. "Hmmm... remind me ta have a talk wit' Buster da next time I see him..." "Well, why don't you talk to him now? He's right behind..." Sylvia began. Then she caught sight of Buster desperately trying to signal her to be quiet. But Sylvia misinterpreted his hand gestures and waved back at him. "Hi, Buster, what in the world are you doing down there?" Bugs quickly grabbed Buster by his ears and pulled him up to him until they were face to face. "Dat's what _I'd_ like ta know, Buster... what _are_ ya doin' down dere?" Bugs asked, anger beginning to creep into his voice. "Oh, okay, so you're not paranoid yet," Daffy said. Bugs ignored him and fixed a stern gaze on Buster. "I ain't gonna ask again, Buster... what was you _doin'_ down dere?" Buster gulped. "Uh, heh-heh... checking for loose carpet tacks?" he replied feebly. "I'd buy that," Daffy said. "You _would_," Bugs replied. "All right, Buster... start talkin'... and dis had better be _good_!" Buster gulped again. "Ohh-kayyy... but then I really have to run. I promised Mary I'd meet her outside of Lola's place at around 7:00... OOOPS!" Buster cringed. Sylvia and Daffy looked at each other and shrugged. "Say," Daffy lisped, "this is startin' to sound interesting!" He leaned forward, and fell out of his chair face first. Bugs still ignored him, and focused all his attention on Buster. "Well, Buster... I'm _waitin'_!" "Okay," Buster began. "It all started this morning in your office..." -0- "There! The perfect flashy outfit!" gushed Babs. "Take a look, Honey!" Honey Bunny reluctantly looked at her reflection. Her scream shattered old Mr. Farnsworth's glass eye, which he kept in his shirt pocket for parties and other joyous functions. "Damn punk rock, never _could_ understand that crap!" he grumbled as he made his way past Honey's house. "Takes your breath away, doesn't it?" Babs asked, as Honey desperately sought to recapture her breath, and whatever was left of her dignity. "I... I... I can't go out in public like _this_, Babs! This is... it's... INDECENT!!!" Honey finally said, not quite believing the scanty outfit she was very nearly wearing. "Oh, vous are worried ovair notheeng," Fifi cooed. Honey stared at her. "'Nothing" is the word for it!" she insisted. The red wisp of a dress-- if that was what it could be called--was made of the filmiest, most transparent material imaginable. A huge... no, make that immense... diagonal gash ran from the left shoulder of her garment to her right hip, leaving practically nothing to the imagination. The dress's sides--what there were of _those_--were cut clear up to her waist, also leaving nothing to the imagination. The wide cleavage was bordered by three shades of scarlet, orange and yellow glitter which clashed violently with the garish make-up job that Honey had suffered at the hands of Fifi and Shirley. Needless to say, Honey found the whole get-up appalling, both to her asthetic sense in general and to her Christian upbringing as a whole. She turned to the girls in protest. "I repeat... I cannot... I _will_ not go out in public looking like this! I look like... like..." She struggled to find a proper sounding word that she could use in the presence of minors, before finally declaring, "I look like a _SLATTERN_!!!" "Great!" Babs said overenthusiastically, "that's _JUST_ the effect we were going for!" Then, leaning over, she whispered, "Hey, Shirl, what's a slattern?" The loongirl thought for a second. "Umm, like, I think that's a small car they make in North Carolina." "Oh," Babs said, accepting this answer as fact, then adding, "I wonder why she thinks she looks like a car?" "Maybe eet's because her headlights are showing?" Fifi offered. Babs took another look at Honey. It appeared she was indeed coming just _this_ close to falling out of her alleged dress. "Hmm, lemme fix that," the pink bunny said, taking a rose and placing it firmly between Honey's breasts. "EEEEEEYOWCHHH!!!" Honey screamed. "Oops," Babs said sheepishly, "...forgot about the thorns." By now, Honey had had quite enough. "Nothing is worth this kind of pain," she cried out. The Amazing Three, however, weren't listening to her. "Like, what time is it now, Babs?" Shirley asked. "It's almost 7:00," she replied, checking her watch. "Honey, what did you say Bugs's cell phone number was again?" "853-5937," Honey replied, daubing her wounded cleavage with hydrogen peroxide. Then she stopped. "Hey, wait a minute!... Babs, you tricked me! I never said what..." "It's for your own good," the pink bunny replied, going into another one of her amazing spin-changes... and what she came out looking like _this_ time was not to be believed. From her observation post on Honey's front porch, Mary Melody stared open-mouthed, as Babs reached for a cellular phone from her Acme Loo b-ball outfit, blowing her newly acquired blonde bangs out of her eyes. "Oh, boy," Mary thought, "this is gonna be trouble..." She quickly hopped into her car and began the drive towards Lola's house. Buster had to be warned about _this_... -0- Bugs Bunny quickly burrowed his way to Lola's house, with Buster close behind. Bugs felt a slight bump as he stopped to look at the place. He looked down annoyingly. "Hey, watch where yer bumpin'!" he snapped as he climbed out of the freshly burrowed hole in Lola's front yard. "Sorry," Buster said as he crawled out after Bugs, "but it's dark down there. It's also not the greatest view in the world..." "Eh, how ya able ta tell if it's dark down dere?" Bugs asked him with a light touch of irony. Once the two rabbits were on terra firma instead of under it, they had a quick look around. "Okay, junior, we're here, where's Mary?" Buster shrugged. "Don't know... maybe she got held up in traffic. Anyway, I did tell you that she's keeping an eye on Honey and The Amazing Three... and who knows _what_ they've talked her into? Honey's in such a confused state right now, she's liable to do _anything_ they might suggest, whether she wants to or not!" He looked disgustedly at his mentor. "Although you certainly didn't help matters by kissing Lola twice..." "I been tellin' ya, Buster, I wasn't kissin' her, she was kissin' me, an' I also told ya why! If _my_ woid ain't good enough fer ya... by da way, how'd you know where Lola's place was? Even _I_ ain't got dat information!" Buster fidgeted slightly. "Ummm... wild guess?" he fibbed. "Yeah, right," Bugs said flatly as the two of them made their way to Lola's front door. The taller bunny rang the doorbell, heard the door being unbolted, and stepped back as the door opened a quarter of an inch. A single blue-green eye peeked through the opening, blinked, then peeked again. The door closed quickly, followed by the sound of the bolt being unbolted all the way, and then the door opened wider. Lola stood there in striped pajamas and a pink terrycloth bathrobe, complete with fuzzy bunny slippers. "Bugs? What are _you_ doing here? And how did you find me?" she asked in surprise. "Eh, hi, Lol, mind if we come in?" Bugs asked as he and Buster walked through the doorway. "Well, actually, I wasn't expecting company..." she began. Bugs looked her up and down. "I can _see_ dat... ain'tcha gonna dress for da game?" "Game? _What_ game?" Lola asked, first raising, then quickly lowering her voice. Bugs brought out the two tickets and handed them to her. "You mean ta stan' dere in yer pj's an' bat'robe an' tell me..." Then Bugs stopped. "Eh... ya mean dese ain't _yers_?" "Allowing for your lousy grammar..." Lola began. "Leave me lousy family outta dis," Bugs replied. Lola sighed in exasperation. "Bugs, I haven't worked since we made that movie together! I've had to watch my savings until I could get a real job, and a place to live. How in the world could I afford tickets to a Bulls game... especially tickets on the bench? Besides, I've had... I've had other priorities..." she whispered. Buster looked puzzled. "Why do you keep lowering your voice, and _what_ movie?" Before he got an answer, Bugs's cell-phone rang loud and clear... but especially loud. "Bugs, could you _please_ turn that thing down?" Lola asked, a panicked expression on her pretty face as she nervously looked over her shoulder to a closed door in back of her. "Okay, sorry... didn't t'ink _you'd_ be noise-sensitive," Bugs said as he answered his phone. "Hello, Bugs Bunny talkin'... who?... Ticketmeister?... You're checkin' up on what?... two tickets ta... yeah, I got 'em... dey're on _whose_ card?... eh, hang on a minute..." He turned suspiciously toward Buster. "You been at me credit cards again, kid?" Buster got defensive... and loud. "After that Hawaiian fiasco, are you _kidding_???" "Could you two please keep it down?" Lola whispered anxiously, looking back at that door. Bugs resumed speaking on the cell-phone. "Eh, yeah, dat's... t'ree of 'em, eh?... what'd dey look like?... uh-huh, a _pink_bunny_... a _poiple_skunk_... an' a _loon_, eh?... what's dat?... an' a gray bunny who looked like she didn't wanna be dere, and was prob'ly gonna t'row up?... uh-_HUH_...I'm beginnin' ta get da picture... no, I'll aut'orize da payment on 'em... but a coitain pink bunny's gonna owe me _plenty_... okay, Doc, t'anks fer callin'... bye..." Bugs turned off his phone and looked very unhappy. "Well, _now_ I got me a pretty good idea where dose tickets came from." "Well, how about telling _me_? I... wait a minute, are these the tickets you talked about on my answering machine?" Lola asked. "None udder," Bugs replied. "Buster, it appears your goilfriend has taken up larceny as a hobby..." "Honest, Bugs, I didn't give her your credit card!" the blue bunny protested. "I didn't say ya had," Bugs answered. "Shoiley musta got hold of it somehow, she's spooky dat way... but I can't quite figger out what Honey's part in all dis is..." Lola looked questioningly at Bugs. "Honey? Who's Honey?" "What movie were you in with Bugs?" Buster asked again. Before he got an answer, Bugs's cell-phone rang again, softer this time. "Eh, hold dat t'ought," Bugs said, answering his phone. "Hello, Bugs Bunny speakin'... dis is _who_?... oh, _Lola_..." Lola looked surprised and started to say something before Bugs silenced her with a quick hand gesture, mouthing the name "Babs." "Eh, hi, 'Lola'... sorry I didn't recognize da voice right aways... what's dat... yeah, da tickets _were_ a surprise, all right... dat was very t'oughtful of ya... why, coitanly," Bugs said, pouring on the phony sincerity, "I'd _love_ ta go... meet ya where?... da Acme Community Basketball Court?... well, why don't I meetcha at _your_ place?... whaddya mean, you don't know where it is?... oh, you ain't moved _in_ yet... I see... okay, da basketball court sounds as good a place as any... 7:00, den... okay, 'Lola', I'll be dere... bye-eee..." -0- "Bye-ee," Babs as "Lola" responded, then hung up. "Okay, he fell for it," she announced with glee, still in her "Lola" get-up, although not for long, spin-changing back into her regular outfit. "Babs, I don't know about this," Honey sighed. "It's too late to back out now, Honey, the wheels have been set in motion and the damage has been done," Babs chirped. "I'll agree with the second part," Honey replied. Babs checked her watch. "Okay, it's almost 7:00 now... Shirl?" The loongirl nodded, and a look of oncoming nausea came over Honey's painted face. "Oh, please, Shirley, not..." "ZAP!!!" -0- "Dis picture is gettin' clearer all da time," Bugs said as he hung up his cell-phone. "Not to _me_, it isn't!" Lola said. "Why is Babs impersonating me, and just _who_ is Honey?" "Remember dat Mary Margaret I was tellin' ya about? Dat's her nickname- 'Honey Bunny'," Bugs explained. "Pardon me," Buster interrupted, "but _what_ movie were _you_ ever in with Bugs?" Before Lola could answer, her doorbell rang. "Oh, _now_ who...?" she asked. The door flew open, and Mary Melody ran in, out of breath. "I've _really_ got to get in shape if I'm gonna come out for the track team again," Mary panted. "I'm sorry I'm late, Buster, I got here as fast as I could..." "And _what_ are ya doin' here, Mary?" Bugs asked. Mary regarded him with a cool, suspicious glare. "I might ask _you_ the same question!" she snapped. "Jus' who da heck you t'ink yer talkin' to dat way?!?" Bugs challenged loudly. "Could you _please_ not be so loud," Lola whispered, practically begging for silence, still looking nervously at the door behind her. "AHEM! I repeat, _WHAT_ movie were _YOU_ ever in..." Buster bellowed. "Guys, _please_..." Lola pleaded. But it was too late. A very unmistakable, and yet quite unexpected, sound came crying out from behind the door. "Oh, dear, I _knew_ that was gonna happen," Lola cried, running at top speed to the closed room. "Hold on, baby... Mommy's coming!" she said, closing the door behind her. Bugs, Buster and Mary looked at each other in disbelief. "'Mommy'?" they asked in unison. A brief moment later, Lola came out, a small bundle in a small pink blanket cradled tenderly in her arms. "Well," she sighed, "since you guys woke her up, you might as well be introduced." Bugs, Buster and Mary gathered around Lola and had a look at what was in the blanket. "This... is my daughter," she said softly. "Awwwww..." they said in unison. "Hey, she's cute," Bugs said. "Oh, she's beautiful," sighed Mary. "Well, whaddya know," Buster smiled, "a mini-Lola!" There was no denying the infant bore an uncanny resemblance to her beautiful mother... right down to the blonde bangs and the blue-green eyes. Lola smiled. "Actually, Buster, her name is Bethany. She's barely 6 months old..." An idea suddenly came to Mary. "I'll bet _that's_ why you were at the Acme Children's Hospital this afternoon!" Lola looked quizzically at her. "How did _you_ know I was there?" "Ummm... a wild guess?" Mary offered weakly. "Hmmm... dere's a lot of dat goin' around lately," Bugs smirked. Buster looked at Bugs. "Well. It looks like a movie wasn't _all_ you were making..." Bugs glared at his protege. "Now dat's just _enough_ of dat! I didn't see Lola from da time we made dat... dat... dat 'film,' 'til da time she came ta Acme Loo! And _dat's_ been well over a year!" "Honestly?" Buster asked. "Honestly," Bugs replied sternly. Buster felt slightly embarrassed. "Okay, I'm sorry, dad..." Mary and Lola looked at each other, their mouths hanging open, before they both said, "'Dad'?!?" Buster slapped himself on the forehead before Bugs did it for him. "Darn! That's supposed to be a secret!" he said through gritted teeth. "You know, I always _suspected_ as much," Mary said. Now it was Buster's turn to squirm. He'd gone to great lengths to keep his family ties to Bugs a secret, and now he'd spilled the beans. "Mary, you aren't gonna..." he pleaded. She smiled. "Don't worry, Buster, I won't say anything. After all, I'm training to be a reporter, not a _stoolie_. Your secret's safe with me." "Same here," Lola said. "Actually, I think it's kinda nice that Bugs is your dad." At that moment, a tired Bethany opened her eyes, looked at Buster, and smiled. "Boo-key-llama-plbht?" she asked sweetly. "Hey," Buster grinned, "she smiled at me!" "Eh, dat don't mean nothin', Buster. She's a baby... it could be gas," Bugs quipped. Lola just gave him a dirty look, then smiled at her baby. "I'm afraid she hasn't learned to talk yet, but then, she's been sick for a long time. This is her first day out of the hospital..." "What was wrong with her?... and, why is she so tiny?" Mary asked, as a now completely awake Bethany made a grab for her ponytail, much to Mary's delight. "She was a 'preemie,' Mary. That's why she's smaller for her age than she should be. But she had wonderful care at the Children's Hospital. I just wish I knew who her nurse was..." Her voice trailed off wistfully. "Eh, Lola?" Bugs asked. "Oh, sorry," she replied, returning to reality (or whatever passed for it in Acme Acres). "Anyway, after Bugs and I did that... that... 'movie'..." "Again, I ask, _WHAT_ movie?" Buster wanted to know. "'Space Jam'," Bugs and Lola replied flatly. Buster and Mary shrugged. "Never heard of it," they said. "It ain't escaped yet," Bugs said, with a certain amount of distaste. "You mean it hasn't been _released_ yet," Mary corrected. Bugs looked at her crossly. "Look, Mar, I've _seen_ da final cut on da ting... da only way _dat_ film's gettin' out is if it _escapes_!" "Sigh... and Warner's is probably going to have us go out and promote the heck out of it," Lola said with equal distaste. From the sound of her voice, Buster and Mary reasoned that she wasn't exactly crazy about the finished product, either. "Well, if you knew this thing was a stinker going in, Lola, why'd you agree to make it in the first place?" asked Buster. Lola looked surprised at him. "What, and turn down the chance to act opposite my girlhood hero?" Bugs puffed up his chest slightly in fake modesty. "Heh-heh, well..." "I mean," Lola continued, "how many times does a girl get to make her acting debut opposite Michael Jordan?" Bugs's ego suddenly deflated, along with his body. As he crumpled to the floor, Bethany hid her eyes. "Please don't do that, Bugs, you're scaring Bethany... not to mention giving _me_ a case of the willies, too," Lola said. Bugs quickly popped back into shape. "Hey, dere's nuttin' to it, Lola. You could do it, too, if ya wanted to..." "But who wants to?" Lola snapped. "No, thanks! Anyway, after we finished that film, I kept waiting for other roles to come my way... and they didn't. So, I took some of my savings and took a vacation to Hawaii..." "Pardon the interruption, Lola, but from what I know of kids, if there's a 'mommy,' then shouldn't there also be..." "I was just getting to that, Buster," she sighed. "Hawaii's where I met Brad. He was nothing like I was looking for in a guy, but he turned out to be everything I needed... and so, the same day we met, we got married on the beaches of the 'Big Island'..." Lola then proceeded to relate the story of her whirlwind romance and wedding. "Gee, that's romantic," Mary sighed when Lola finished. "Yeah," Bugs added, "but I wish you'da let some of us _know_. I'da shelled out a few bucks for a present..." He smiled. "Anyways, all I can say is, any guy dat snagged _you_ is a pretty lucky guy." "So, when do we get to meet this Brad?" asked Buster. Lola bowed her head, and a small trickle of tears made their way down her face, and onto Bethany's. The infant squinted and wiped them off as best she could. "I'm... I'm afraid that's not going to be possible," Lola said softly, her voice cracking. Bugs, Buster and Mary exchanged concerned expressions. "Eh... Lola?" Bugs asked, quietly approaching her. She looked up briefly. "He... he wasn't that lucky, Bugs... he... died a little over 6 months ago... he... he never even knew he was going to be a father..." Lola broke down completely, sobbing and holding Bethany close. Bugs, Buster and Mary didn't know what to say to that. There really wasn't anything they could say that would help. Toon death was rare, but not unknown in Acme Acres; still, the thought of it made them uneasy. They figured the best course of action was none at all, and just to let Lola get it out. Finally, she slowly raised her head, her face wet with tears. "I... I'm sorry, guys," she sobbed, "I'm supposed to be strong, independent, and whatever else the studio bio says... but I'm just like anyone else... when you lose someone you love before you've even had the chance to begin your life together, it hurts... I don't suppose you'd know what that's like..." Bugs knelt beside her and put a sympathetic paw on her shoulder. "Act'ally, I _do_ know, Lola... from da other end." She looked at him, puzzled. "I used ta have a wife named Felicia... we was togedder fer 20 years... an' when I lost her, I t'ought me whole woild was gonna collapse... but it didn't... an' den, I met Honey... an' after awhile..." "Oh, my gosh! Honey!" Mary exclaimed. Bugs glared at her. Mary gulped. "I'm sorry, Bugs, but you just reminded me--Babs..." "I t'ink we're already aware of what Babs is up to," Bugs scowled. "Dey've got somet'in' cooked up at da Acme Community Basketball Court at 7:00..." Then he relayed the information that Babs/"Lola" had told him. Mary frowned. "That fits, all right. And they've got poor Honey so mixed up and confused right now that she doesn't know _which_ way to turn. From what I've seen, and from what you've just told me, and from what I learned from Buster, I'm convinced that whatever she's found herself in isn't any of her doing. Honey's way too sensible to instigate anything like this..." "Except if she think's she's losing Bugs," Buster added. "Daphne said she's got a blind spot where he's concerned." Lola raised her paw. "Excuse me, Buster, I don't mean to sound catty or anything, but, if Honey's so sensible, _why_ does she think she's losing Bugs?" Buster shrugged. "Well, seeing you and Bugs kissing twice in his office today was a pretty good start..." "Twice?" Mary was astonished. Glaring at Bugs accusingly, she said, "Oh, Bugs, how _could_ you?" "He didn't, _I_ did," Lola admitted. Buster continued. "That, and the fact that Bugs has never told Honey that he loves her, well, that's enough to cause doubt in _any_ girl's mind." Lola and Mary turned violently on Bugs, looking at him like he was the exclusive West Coast Distributor of a Communicable Disease. "You _WHAT_???" they shouted. "Hey, what IS dis?" Bugs got defensive. "How come I'M suddenly da villain of da piece all of a sudden like?" Challenging Buster, he asked sternly, "An' where'd you ever get dis idea dat I never told Honey dat I love her?" Buster calmly stood his ground. "From Honey." Bugs turned beet red. "Oops," he offered as a weak defense. Mary and Lola folded their arms and stared angrily at Bugs. Bethany stuck her tongue out at him and tried to make a Bronx cheer, but it just came out sounding like a cute baby noise. Lola shook her head. "Oh, Bugs, Bugs, Bugs..." "Oh, what, what, what?" he replied. "She knows dat I love her... dat is, I _t'ink_ she knows... I t'ink..." Lola sighed. "Bugs, it isn't enough to just _think_ she knows... you have to _tell_ her so! A girl needs to _hear_ it, so she'll be certain in her heart that you do. It's only fair... that is, if you _really_ love her..." "You _do_, don'tcha?" Buster asked. "You was wit' us in Gower Gulch when we nearly lost her, Buster... whadda _you_ t'ink?" Bugs responded. Immediately, Buster's thoughts raced back to that past summer, to their shared adventure in that desert located somewhere in reality. It was there that he'd seen the deep anguish Honey had felt when she thought Bugs had been killed; and it was also where he'd seen Bugs's vulnerable side, when Honey had come close to certain death, and how he fretted and worried and, yes, cried when he thought he was losing her, and how elated he was when she pulled through. "Yeah," Buster finally admitted, "I'd say you love her... but you _still_ oughta tell her so..." "I will, junior, da next time I see her," Bugs affirmed, "which should be a few minutes from now, at da..." He paused, then they all shouted, Acme Community Basketball Court!" "YIPE! I forgot! We gotta get over dere, Buster, an' save my Honey from dose maniacs!" Lola stared at Bugs. "'Maniacs' is kind of a strong term, isn't it?" Buster considered this briefly. "Naw, knowing those girls, that's about as accurate as you can get." He turned to his mentor. "Let's get going, Bugs. "There's a few things I wanna say to Babs myself!" As Bugs and Buster bolted for the door, Lola spoke up. "Hey, wait a second! You don't think you're gonna leave _me_ here wondering about the outcome, do you? Besides, I'd like to _meet_ this 'Honey Bunny.'" "In _that_ outfit?" Buster grinned. Lola looked at her pj's and bathrobe. "You're right..." Quickly, she dashed into her bedroom, doffed the robe and the pajamas, slipped out of her bunny slippers, slipped on a t-shirt and shorts, and dashed back out to her living room. "Okay, I'm ready, let's go..." "Boo-key-mama-byebye?" The small voice stopped Lola at the door. "Bethany! I can't leave her here by herself..." Mary smiled. "I'll be glad to watch her for you," she volunteered, as the baby bunny made another playful grab for her ponytail. "Thanks, Mary," Lola said, kissing Bethany on the cheek. "Mommy'll be back as soon as she can, okay, Beth?" Bethany stopped playing with Mary's ponytail long enough to smile at her mother. "Goo!" "I'll take that as an 'okay,'" Lola grinned. "_Now_ let's go." No sooner did she and Bugs begin to step outside than a brilliant flash of light nearly blinded them both. "Great! I can see the headlines now! 'Acme Loo President and B-ball Coach Caught In Illicit Love Nest!'" crowed the silly green duck with the old-fashioned flash camera. Plucky was dressed in a grimy trenchcoat, and sporting an even grimier fedora with a "SLIMY PRESS" card stuck in the hatband. Buster glared at him. "PLUC-KYYY..." he growled. "What do you think you're doing?" "Earning a couple of bucks," Plucky replied. Lola quickly grabbed the camera and stomped hard on Plucky's feet. His bill opened wide, and she shoved the camera, flash attachment and all, down his gullet. "Eat it, Jack!" she snapped as he unwillingly swallowed the camera. "I hope you realize this is gonna play havoc with my digestion," Plucky said as he tried to stomach the thing. "That's okay, Pluckster," Buster quipped. "This, too, shall pass." Lola, Bugs and Mary couldn't help giggling at that line. "How droll," a disgusted Plucky griped. "Bugs, wait!" Mary said. "I'd better warn you... the girls have got Honey convinced that you're not going to be attracted to her unless she's flashy, so, they've subjected her to a kind of... 'makeover.'" "Eh...what _kind_ of 'makeover'?" Bugs asked hesitantly. Mary sighed. "Bugs... you wouldn't believe me if I told you." The bunnies looked at each other. "This does not sound good," Buster said, as they bolted out the door. As they began burrowing towards the A.C.B.C., Plucky called after them, "Hey! Don't you guys even have any Alka-Seltzer?" -0- "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!!!" The Amazing Three and Honey Bunny materialized at the Acme Community Basketball Court, right near a trash can at the entrance. "Well, that was fast..." Babs began, then did a double-take. "Honey, quit throwing up in that trash can. You don't know what's in there." But Honey didn't care. She looked as sick as she felt, and it just wasn't due to the transcendental travel of "Air Shirley." The horrid make-up job and the way-too-revealing outfit combined with her own insecurity. She had now convinced herself that she'd lost Bugs to Lola; and if she hadn't yet, then one look at her in this get-up would be enough to drive him away. A cry from Shirley interrupted her thoughts. "Like, Bunny at 7:00!" the loongirl shouted, as a rapidly approaching tunnel tore up the landscape leading to the court. Babs checked her watch. "Right on time," she said casually. "Okay, Honey, it's showtime! Now, stand there and look dazzling!" Honey looked forlorn. "With 27 pounds of glitter on, how the heck can I _avoid_ it?" Babs didn't hang around to answer. She, Shirley and Fifi had already hidden themselves under the left-hand side of the bleachers, so they could observe the results of their handywork. At the same time, the tunnel stopped at the edge of the right-hand side of the bleachers. Bugs was the first one to pop out, arms raised in triumph. "Well, here we are, Pismo Beach at last, an' all da clams we can eat!" Then he looked suspiciously around him, surveying his surroundings. "Hey, _dis_ don't look like no Pismo Beach! I'm gonna have a few woids wit' dat travel agent... OOOF!" He looked behind and below him, as if he could see whatever it was that had bumped him in the tail section. "Hey, _watch_ it down dere!" he griped, climbing out onto the grass. "Well, I'm sorry," Lola said, as she stuck her head above ground, "but I'm new at this burrowing stuff!" Bugs helped her out of the hole, and she brushed herself off as Buster finally climbed out. "How you guys can do this without getting dirty, I'll _never_ know," she complained, shaking a few loose clods from her bangs. "It takes practice," Buster admitted. Then something caught his eye. "Psst, Bugs..." he whispered, pointing to a solitary gray fembunny in a glittery red wisp of a dress, standing at center court, illuminated by an overhead light. Her back was to them, and she appeared to be shaking and crying. "I really don't think she wants to be here," Buster said. "In that get-up, I don't blame her," Lola added. "Bugs, does she _always_ look like that?" "Not normally, no," Bugs replied. "She's got more fashion sense den dis...but ya gotta remember whose moicy she's at..." "If that's whatcha wanna call it," Buster added. "Bugs, me and Lola are gonna back off now. This is where you take over. We'll be underneath the bleachers..." "Doin' what?" Bugs quipped nonchalantly. Lola glared at him. "You know better than that," she snapped as she and Buster took their places underneath the right-hand side of the bleachers, unaware that Babs, Shirley and Fifi were hiding just a few short feet away, also unaware of the presence of Buster and Lola. Like them, The Amazing Three were focusing all their attention on center court. Bugs took a deep breath and sighed, "Well, here goes nuttin'..." as he made his way to the trembling fembunny in the dress that wasn't quite all there. "Boy, I sure wish Babs was here," Buster whispered to Lola. "I'd sure give her a piece of my mind..." Just a few feet to their left, Babs whispered to Shirley and Fifi, "I'll show Buster we knew what we were doing! If he was here, I'd sure give him a piece of my mind..." "Do you think you can spare it?" Buster asked automatically, not really paying attention to the source of that last sentence. "Ha-ha," Babs replied, also automatically... before she did a quadruple- take to match the one Buster was doing. They pointed at each other in obvious astonishment. "What are _you_ doing here?" they asked each other. "Ssshh," cautioned Lola. Babs glared at Lola, then back at Buster. "And what is _she_ doing here?" she asked, pointing an accusing finger. "And what are _you_ doing here with her?" "We're shopping for bleachers, all right?" Buster snapped sarcastically. "Babsie, when this is over, I've got quite a few things to say to you about minding..." "Buster, let it wait," Lola whispered, focusing on the activity in the center of the basketball court between Bugs and Honey. As Bugs got closer, he could see that Honey's head was bowed so low that her ears were draped over her face, in an obvious attempt to hide it from him. He had the feeling she probably had good reason to, as the only sound he heard from her was her gentle, quiet sobbing. He began to wonder to himself just how it had come to this, and just how it was that he'd never really noticed just how deeply Honey felt about him. He knew she loved him; he'd just never realized how much. Had he really taken her for granted all these years? "Well..." Bugs thought as he cleared his throat, "...could be." "Ahem...uh, Hon..." he said quietly. The only response he got was some more of her sobs. "Hon," he continued, "I can't hold a convoisation wit' da top o' yer head..." Still more quiet sobbing. "Why isn't she looking at him?" Lola wondered. "Simple enough," Buster answered. "You see that... no, I can't really call that a dress..." He looked disapprovingly at Babs. "Humph!" Babs sniffed, adopting a snotty attitude, pointing her nose in the air. Shirl and Fif did the same. Buster chose to ignore them all. "Well," he continued, "anyone that'd come up with an outfit _that_ bad would've _had_ to come up with a hideous make-up job to match!" Lola nodded. "Oh, yes, Mary did say something about that..." "_Double_-humph!" Babs, Shirl and Fif replied. "Keep your noses in the air like that during the next big rain and you'll drown," Buster remarked caustically. "Ssshh, _all_ of you," Lola whsipered, returning her eyes to center court. "Hon," Bugs said in a gentle tone, "dis is... sigh... would ya look at me, 'Duchess'... please?" There was no longer any avoiding it. Reluctantly, slowly, Honey raised her head. "Once Bugs sees this," she began thinking. She closed her eyes tightly, trying not to face whatever his reaction would be. She no longer cared about the steady stream of tears that were ruining the ghastly make-up she'd been forced to wear (as if anything _could_ ruin it). All she wanted to do at that moment was die. If she could die at that moment, she could live happily ever after. This was humiliation at its worst. "Oh, _non_," Fifi gasped, "she has rueened moi's job du cosmetique!" "It was ruined when you put it on her," Buster shot back. "WELL!" Fifi said, insulted. "SSSSSSHHH!" Lola commanded. Bugs took one look at the horribly-redecorated Honey and didn't know whether to stifle a laugh or a scream. But he also had enough sense to realize that doing either one would be an even more damaging blow to her than whatever worst-case scenario she had imagined. So instead, he took out a handkerchief and gently removed all traces of that ghastly glittery purple gunk off Honey's face. "I prefer my goil ta have da natural look," he smiled. "Okay, Honey, now what gives? I mean, ya _couldn'ta_ come up wit' somet'in' like dis of yer own free will..." Honey slowly shook her head, tears still flowing. "Unh-unh," she said quietly. "I'll bet Babs, Shoiley an' Fifi did dis to ya," Bugs said, trying to make it seem like he was taking a wild guess. Honey nodded her head vigorously. "Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh," she more than readily agreed. "_TRIPLE_-humph!!!," Babs griped. "Bunnydict Arnold..." "Don't mention that name!" Lola said. "Ssshh," Buster countered. "I wanna hear this," he whispered as Bugs took another good, long look at Honey. All of her poise and self-confidence was gone. She stood before Bugs, a trembling, sobbing, barely dressed emotional wreck. She shook so badly, in fact, that her dress suddenly came undone at the shoulder. It plummeted to her feet, weighted down by way too much glitter. Now totally embarrassed, humiliated, and naked, Honey broke down in loud sobs; but Bugs simply pulled her toward him and, kneeling slightly, cradled her head on his shoulder. "Sshh," Bugs whispered, attempting to reassure her, "it's okay, Baby Doll, just let it all out..." He gently stroked her ears with one hand, his other arm draped protectively around her shoulders. When she finally finished crying, which took a while, Bugs placed a hand under her chin and raised her face towards his until they were eye-to-eye. "Ya feel like talkin' now?" he asked. Honey first nodded, then shook her head. Bugs smiled slightly. "Okay, ya don't have to...but _somet'in'_ musta brought all dis on, 'cause normally ya don't behave like dis..." Honey didn't answer. "Eh," Bugs continued, "dis wouldn't have anyt'ing ta do wit' da sudden appearance of a goil named 'Lola,' would it?" Honey nodded slowly. Babs appeared ready to say something, but both Buster and Lola shushed her before she could. Honey hesitated before finally speaking. "Wh... when I saw... saw the way you two were kissing," she said, her voice barely above a whisper, "I... I just knew it... it was all over..." "Eh, what do _you_ know?" Bugs kidded. But Honey wasn't in a kidding mood. "Bugsy, please, don't," she softly cried. "I could see that... that... Lola is younger than me... she's prettier than me... she's got to be more exciting than me... and if that's what you want, then it's time that I..." "Hold it right dere, Baby Doll," Bugs interrupted. "Sure, Lola's young; but compared ta me, so are _you_ ...as fer pretty, well, I'll admit she's quite a looker, all right, but looks alone don't cut it. I mean, I had da pleasure o' watchin' you grow up right before me very eyes, an' i t'ink you get more beautiful every day. An' as fer excitement, well, while I _do_ like ta have fun, dere's also a lot ta be said fer..." "Dull?" Honey asked weakly. "Now I didn't say dat," Bugs replied. "Dat's just Plucky's opinion. I like ta t'ink of ya as, well, sane..." Honey wasn't convinced. "Oh, sure, safe, sane, dependable ol' me, put it all together, it spells 'dishwater'. Plucky's right...I don't even know why you've let me hang around with you for _this_ long..." "Why? _I'll_ tell ya why," Bugs said. "True, Lola's young, pretty, an' excitin'; she's _all_ dat, an' a whole lot more. But dere's _one_ t'ing Lola _ain't_, dat she can never, _ever_ be." "Wh... what's that?" Honey said, trying to stop her still-flowing tears. Bugs gently lifted her face, looked deeply into her darker-than-dark brown eyes, and paused for emphasis before speaking. "You," he said quietly. And before Honey could react, Bugs took her in his arms and planted a kiss on her in a way that made her knees buckle. This did not go unnoticed by those of the bleacher observation post. "Wow," Babs sighed. "Le sigh," Fifi added. "Like, ditto, or some junk," Shirley said. Lola turned to Buster. "You know something?" "What, Lol?" "Those two _look_ like they belong together." Buster smiled broadly. "Was there ever any doubt?" he asked, as Bugs reached into that built-in pocket that most toons seem to have on their person, and pulled out a small bunch of notes Buster had given Bugs on the way to the basketball court, all about what to say to a girl to make her feel wanted. But one look at Honey, and he tossed them over his shoulder. What he had to say to her didn't call for a script; it called for something even more sincere. It had to come from his heart. He looked even deeper into her eyes as he spoke. "Hon, I know I don't always show it, an' ya t'ink I take ya fer granted, which I guess has always been true, an' I'm sorry." Honey was startled. He had never, ever told her anything like what he was telling her now. "Bugsy..." she whispered. "I ain't finished," he replied. "Dontcha know dat you're da goil dat keeps me from goin' completely nuts? I mean, bein' a Looney Tune is a great gig, an' I wouldn't trade it fer all da carrots in da woild, but it ain't somet'in' I wanna be 24 hours a day..." Babs, Shirley and Fifi's jaws dropped. Hadn't Buster said that just that day? Buster just smiled outwardly, but inwardly he was thinking, "Well, whaddya know about that?" "...I mean," Bugs continued, "if I didn't have you in my life, I'd prob'ly wind up just as screwy as Daffy, an' who needs a rabbit like dat? Even da greatest ocean liner needs an anchor ta keep it stable..." The girls stared at Buster, who simply whispered, "Told ya so," although he too was surprised by what was being said by Bugs... although he'd never give Babs the satisfaction of knowing that. Honey blinked back her tears and stared at Bugs. "And... I'm your anchor?" "Absolutely, Baby Doll. You came along at just da right time in me life, an' I ain't ever regretted knowin' ya, not for a single minute... an' I never will, neither." "But... but, what about..." Honey hesitated before asking, "...what about Lola?" Bugs grinned. "What _about_ her?" "Isn't there... well, that is..." Bugs finished her thought for her. "Anyt'ing goin' on between us?" He smiled. "Nope... an' dere never _was_... Hon, I _t'ink_ it's time dat da two of us had a _looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong_ talk, you an' me... c'mon..." Slowly, Bugs led Honey to a far corner of the court, out of earshot of the toons under the bleachers. "I wonder what they're talking about," Babs whispered. "Well, whatever it is, I think they're finally beginning to understand each other," Buster observed. "But it sure took 'em long enough." Babs smiled over-confidently, and exchanged high-fours with Shirley and Fifi. "Chalk up another success to The Amazing Three!" Babs gloated... just before Lola burst her balloon. "Oh, come _on_, Babs, who are you trying to kid? You three nearly made Honey a complete and utter basket case with your meddling!" Babs, Shirley and Fifi's jaws dropped again. "Wha--?" they said. "If you had just left everything alone, Bugs and Honey would've had this whole misunderstanding straightened out, and there wouldn't have been any hurt feelings on anybody's part!" Lola declared. "But... but..." Babs gasped. "No 'buts,' Babs. Your sticking your noses where they didn't belong nearly ruined whatever Bugs and Honey have going!" Lola was livid, and she wasted no time in letting Babs know how she felt, much to Babs's surprise. "Lola... are you saying that there wasn't _anything_ going on with you and Bugs?" "Babs, that's _exactly_ what I'm saying! Bugs and I had made a movie together, and that's all!" "Zut alors!" Fifi exclaimed. "Zen, what was all zat kissing?" "I hadn't seen Bugs in over a year, and I was happy to see him, nothing more than that! I'll admit I was a little _forward_, but..." Lola shrugged. "Like, how were _we_ supposed to know that?" Shirley asked. "Simple, Shirley... you _could_ have just _ASKED_ me! _ANY_ of you!" "Now why didn't we think of that?" Babs muttered. "_That'll_ teach you to mind your own business," Buster smirked. But Lola was far from finished. "And that goes for you, too, Buster!" Buster's jaw dropped. "Wha--?" "_YOU_ aren't so innocent in all this, either! You were thinking the worst, too! Having me followed, finding my home address, which is _supposed_ to be privileged information, disrupting my private life, barging into my house uninvited..." Buster was as stunned as stunned could be. "I, I, I..." he stammered. "Buster Bunny, broken record," Babs quipped sarcastically. But Lola was beyond humor. "Anyway, the damage has been done," she said sadly. "But if there's _anything_ good that's gonna come from this, it's that Bugs might finally start to treat Honey the way she wants and deserves to be treated, with a little more respect, and a lot more love, which I think is all she ever really wanted in the first place. That's all _any_ girl wants in a relationship, when you get right down to it." She took one more glance at Bugs and Honey, who had long since finished their talk, and were now enjoying one super bunny hug. "Well, this is where I came in," she sighed, "and I also think that this is where I leave." "Oh, okay," Babs said, her focus more on the gray hares than on what Lola had just said. Then she, Fifi, Shirley and Buster all did a double quadruple take. "What?" they asked. "You heard me," Lola sighed sorrowfully. "I... I really think it's for the best. It's obvious that I haven't been trusted, and if I stayed on at Acme Loo, it'd just cause uneasy feelings between Honey and me, no matter what happens here. There'd always be that cloud of suspicion hanging over me very time I'd look or talk to Bugs, and I couldn't teach under those circumstances, or those conditions." She got out from under the bleachers and began walking slowly toward the parking lot, then stopped and turned back to the toonsters. "I... I really wish things had been different. We probably would've even become friends...please, tell Bugs I'll turn in my resignation in the morning. I hope you girls get a coach you'll feel comfortable with... and goodbye." With that, Lola slowly continued her way out of the parking lot. Buster's silent glare at the girls cut through them like an X-acto knife through paper. And Babs was the one who felt it the most. "Don't say it, Buster... just _please_ don't say it..." Babs sighed, her ears hanging down over her face. Letting out a sigh of his own, Buster said, "I'm not gonna say a thing. Lola was right. I was just as much to blame for this thing getting out of hand as you were." "Like, I think there's a lesson here, somewhere," Shirley realized, with regret in her voice. "Oui," Fifi concurred, "...nevair take le cosmetolgy lessons through ze mail... le sigh..." Meanwhile, Lola was almost to the edge of the parking lot when a convertible pulled up beside her, startling the soon-to-be-ex-b'ball coach of Acme Looniversity. "Wha--...Mary, what are you doing here?" she asked, as Mary Melody turned off her engine, unbuckled her seat belt, and retrieved Bethany from the child restraint seat in the back. "I'm sorry, Lola, but the suspense was beginning to get to me." "Boo-key-mama-blrt?" Bethany asked in her own sweet way, torn between reaching for her mother, and playing with Mary's ponytail. "It's alright for her to be outside, isn't it?" Mary asked, handing the baby girl to Lola. Lola held Bethany close to her. "Yes, it is... take a good look at Acme Acres, Beth... you won't be seeing it after tonight..." Bethany appeared puzzled. "Nur-ney-bye-bye?" "Sigh... yes... we're leaving..." Mary stared, startled. "What? Why?" Lola looked sadly at her. "You know why, Mary..." "Darn," Mary muttered. "Well, can I at least give you a lift?" "Thanks, but it's a nice night, I think we'll walk. After all this, I really think I need to," Lola said. The hurt she was feeling began to show in her voice. "Come on, Bethany, we've got some packing to do..." She took all of two steps before she was stopped by another voice... and a gloved fembunny's paw tapping her on the shoulder. "Hold it right there!" The rabbit whom that voice belonged to was no longer emotionally unsure, both of herself and her relationship with Bugs Bunny. There was now a forceful presence in Honey's voice that was rarely there except in times of anger. Buster and the girls were now joining Honey in the parking lot, with Bugs close behind. "Umm, Honey..." Buster began. "Eh, Baby Doll?" Bugs asked. "_Uh_-oh..." The Not-so-Amazing Three mumbled, wishing there were a fallout shelter nearby. But there wasn't. Slowly, Lola turned around and came face-to-face with Honey Bunny for the first time. Honey's expression hinted that, after all she'd gone through that day, she was not glad to see her. "So you're Lola, are you?" Honey's resolve was firm for an undressed rabbit, but she wasn't even concerned about that, for the first time in her life. Lola tried not to let her oncoming nervousness show. "Yes, I am," she replied, "and... you're Honey?" Bugs attempted to intervene before ink was spilled. "Eh, goils, dere's really no need fer dis..." But Honey would not be denied her moment. "Bugsy, I _know_ what I'm doing," she asserted, fixing a firm stare on her "rival." "Did I just hear you say you were leaving Acme Acres?" Lola nodded. "Yes... why?" "Honey..." Buster and Babs began, but Honey silenced them with an icy glance. "Why? Because there's something _I'd_ like to say about that..." she growled at Lola, who began shaking slightly. She'd heard the saying about hell having no fury like a woman scorned; but this was the first time she would be subject to it, she thought. "Honey..." Bugs, Buster, Babs, Shirley, Fifi and Mary said nervously. Bethany hid nervously inside her mother's embrace. But Honey was ignoring everybody as she stared hard at Lola... and then her stare vanished, replaced by a soft warm smile. "Don't." "You've got nothing to worry about, I'll be gone in..." Then Lola did a quick double-take, not believing what she'd just heard. "Did you say...?" Honey kept smiling. "Don't. Bugs explained what happened, which is what I _should've_ given him the chance to do all along..." "Whew!" the others said in relief, grateful that for now, World War III was apparently going to be avoided. "You see," Honey continued, "I'm afraid I'm rather jealous of Bugs where he and pretty girls are concerned, and I tend to over-react like I did today. I'm not proud of that, and I thought I had that problem licked, but I guess I still need to work on it. It's just that when you've been going together for as long as Bugs and I have, and you see something like what I saw this morning, and again this afternoon, well, it shakes a girl's confidence pretty badly... that is, one's ego tends to get... when you only think you know where you stand with..." She'd started off great, But Honey now found herself fumbling for words, which wasn't like her at all. Lola, however, had a _very_ good idea of what it was she was trying to say, and turned sharply on Bugs. "Oh, for crying out loud, Bugs, haven't you told her _yet_?" "Told me what?" Now Honey began shaking again. "Then, then it's... there _is_ something..." "Hold it, 'Duchess,' you ain't hoid da 'what' yet," Bugs said. He looked deeply into those darker-than-dark brown eyes, probably deeper than he ever had before. "Honey, you're da sweetest goil I've ever known, an' you're right, I do take ya fer granted... I guess I've always figured you'd always be around to fergive my kind of insanity... in fact, I've spent all dese years countin' on it... but you knew what kinda guy I was... an', well..." He stopped momentarily, before blurting out, "I'm sorry, Honey, I can't keep stringin' ya along like I been doin' all dese years... not any more... it ain't fair ta ya..." Buster was aghast, fearing the worst. "Bugs, what are you doing?" "Have you lost your senses?" Babs asked. Plucky, who had just inexplicably arrived on the scene for no good reason, rifled through a script. "Hey, what page is _he_ on?" he asked, bewildered. "I can't find this dialogue anywhere..." Bugs smiled. "Ya ain't _gonna_, either. Dis is what's known as t'rowin' da writers a coive... an' ta answer yer question, Babs, I ain't lost me senses... on da contrary, I t'ink, after all dis time, I've finally _found_ 'em," he said, reaching into his built-in pocket and pulling out a small, black velvet-covered square. He took Honey's trembling left paw in his, removed her glove, and looked at her paw for a moment. "Ya know, Hon, dis is a nice lookin' paw... but I t'ink it'd look much nicer, if it had _dis_ on it..." he said softly as he opened the square object, removed its content, and slipped it on the third digit of her left paw. Honey's eyes widened, and tears spilled their way onto the parking lot. "Oh, my go..." she gasped. "Will you look at _that_," Lola sighed. "Oh, Honey, that's... that's beautiful," Babs cried. Everyone else was too stunned to say anything, as Bugs got down on one knee. "Mary Margaret... my beautiful 'Honey Bunny'... will you do me da honor... of marryin' me?" Honey only had to think for a nano-second before leaping into Bugs's arms, knocking him over in the process, and planting a vacuum-packed kiss on toondom's most famous rabbit. "Yes, yes, a million, billion, trillion times, YES!!!" she cried. "Oh, a million, trillion, billion an' ONE times ain't good enough fer ya, huh?" Bugs joked, before returning the passionate kiss. This was what Honey had waited all her life for, and for once, Bugs would be determined not to let her down. Not this girl, not any more. "All right, Bugs!" Buster said quietly. "Way to go, tiger," Lola smiled, tears running down her face as well. "Le sob... I always cry at... whatever eet ees I'm cryeeng at," Fifi cried. "Like, this calls for a celebration, or some junk," Shirley said, wiping away her own tears. "That's a wonderful idea, Shirl," Mary added, joining in the joyous occasion. "Anybody got any ideas?" "How about Weenie Burgers?" Plucky offered. "On Bugs!" Everybody glared at Plucky. "Party poopers," he grumbled, as Bugs and Honey finally got up from the parking lot pavement. Bugs smiled as he held Honey tightly, planting small kisses all over her face. Nobody said anything for several minutes, until the silence was broken by a small, plaintive "Goo?" Babs suddenly looked around. "Which one of you said 'goo'?" Lola giggled. "Oh, I forgot! I'm sorry, baby, are you okay?" she asked as Bethany emerged from the shelter of her mother's warm embrace. Bethany would have answered if she could, when she was suddenly noticed by Honey. A warm, glowing smile of recognition crossed both their faces. "Bethany!" Honey exclaimed. "GOO!" Bethany happily squealed. Babs appeared puzzled, as did Fifi, Shirley, and Plucky. "Bethany? Who is Bethany?" Babs asked. "Bethany is my daughter," Lola smiled. "But, how do _you_ know her?" Honey smiled through her tears of happiness. "We met at Acme Children's Hospital. I was her nurse, and I've never had a lovelier patient..." "Wait a minute! _YOU_ were Bethany's nurse?" Lola asked. "I guess I should explain. In my free time, I'm a volunteer pediatric nurse at the hospital... and you're Bethany's mom?" Lola nodded, as Bethany hugged Honey with all the love she had, which, when you're six months old, is a lot. "Well, you certainly have a beautiful child," Honey said. "I'm glad she pulled through." "Well, certainly she pulled through," Buster smiled. "Look who she had taking care of her." "Thank you, Buster," Honey sighed as she handed Bethany back to her mom, who handed the baby in turn to Mary. Then, Lola hugged Honey. "And thank you, for looking after her... I..." "Aw, shucks," Honey giggled. "It was my pleasure." "Well, dis is all mighty sickenin'--OOOF!" Bugs exclaimed, then turned angrily on Buster. "Hey, what was DAT for?" "That poke in the ribs? You were starin' to do a 'Daffy'... anyway, I think you and Honey should have the rest of the evening to yourselves. You deserve it." "Yeah," Babs agreed. "Hey, why don't you take in a basketball game?" "Yipe! I forgot!... Honey, would ya like ta celebrate by seein' a..." Bugs began, then said "on second t'ought, dat really ain't a very romantic type place ta..." Honey smiled. "Bugs, any place with you is romantic enough for me... and that includes a basketball game." Lola tapped her on the shoulder. "Honey, are you really going to a public place not dressed like that?" "OOOPS!" Honey blushed. "I forgot I was..." Then she smiled. "Wait a minute, what am _I_ worried about?" She cast a sly look at Buster. "You think I should?" Buster grinned. "Go for it, Honey." With that, Honey stunned the girls and Plucky by going into a rapid spin-change, and emerging wearing another sensible, form-fitting lavender dress, complete with matching hare ribbon tied neatly to a small patch of white fur between her ears. In the process, her whiskers also miraculously reappeared. "Wow! How'd you DO that?" Babs asked. She thought she was the only one who could do that trick. Honey smiled winsomely. "It's a gift." Bugs couldn't help chuckling. "Now DAT'S da Honey dat _I_ know!" The surprises weren't over yet, though, as a stretch limousine suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and a pudgy guy emerged from the back. "Bugs! I'm glad I finally found you! This place is hard to locate, you know?" Bugs sighed. "Hi, Stan... you remember Lola, don'tcha?" "Oh, sure, hi, Lola!" "Hi yourself," Lola smiled, then turned to Honey. "Have a good time, okay?" "I sure plan to," she laughed, as she and Bugs climbed into the car. But before it took off, Bugs rolled down the window and said, almost off- handedly, "Oh, by da way, Babs, you still got da receipt for dem tickets?" Babs laughed. "Of _course_ I do, they're right... here... in... my..." Her face turned ashen. "I've been had," she said. Shirley placed a sympathetic wing on her shoulder. "Like, I guess you'll find out for yourself what life after death is like, 'kay?" "Oui," Fifi added, "moi would not weesh to be een your bunny slippers..." Bugs wasn't smiling. "I got news for youse... you goils are ALL in dem bunny slippers!" Buster came to Honey's side of the car, and she rolled her window down. "Yes, Buster, what is it?" Buster stood on his tiptoes and Honey leaned her head out. He whispered something in her ear, planted a kiss on her cheek, and said, "Pass it on!" giggling maniacally. Honey smiled, whispered what Buster had said into Bugs's ear, and a wicked grin appeared on his face. "Eh, dat's not a bad idea, heeheeheehee... oh, Babs..." he called. "Y... yes?" she replied nervously. "It seems in all da excitement an' confusion today, I forgot ta do sometin' _very_ important. It seems I forgot ta call off dat conference wit' your _mudder_ tomorrow..." "Oh, NO!" Babs moaned. "Oh, YES!" Bugs grinned. "I'll see youse in me office bright an' oily foist t'ing in da mornin'... an' dat goes fer Shoiley and Fifi, too! Bye-ee!" And the limo took off for reality, leaving the forlorn Amazing Three behind. "We're dead," Babs sighed, as she, Shirley and Fifi walked to their respective homes, not bothering to look at each other. Buster, Lola, Mary, Plucky and Bethany looked on. "You know, I almost feel sorry for them," Buster sighed. "Oh, you do not," Plucky said. Buster brightened. "You know, you're right? They'll deserve whatever Bugs comes up with." "So, Lola, are you gonna change your mind about leaving Acme Loo?" Mary asked, as Bethany began playing eagerly with her ponytail again. "Hmmm... let me think about that for a second. Okay, I've thought about it." She smiled broadly. "Sure, I'll stay." "All right, Lola!" Buster grinned. Lola shrugged. "I've got no choice. I signed a contract... and those things are reportedly hard to break." "Yeah," Plucky agreed, "those folks at WB Legal get really miffed if..." "Who's talking about them?!?" Lola said with astonishment. "I'm talking about my rental contract with Daphne! I hear she gets mad when you try to break a lease!" Buster, Mary and Plucky stared at her, then began laughing. "Oh, brother!" snickered Plucky. "What a school year THIS is gonna be!" Buster exchanged a knowing wink with Mary. "Was there ever any doubt?" they asked. And as it turned out, it was... but that's ANOTHER story. ======================================================== THE END. ======================================================== TINY TOON ADVENTURES, LOONEY TUNES, SPACE JAM and all related characters, trademarks and indicia are copyrighted 1997 by Warner Bros., Inc. (c)1997, Warner Bros. Inc., a Time Warner Company. The character of BETHANY BUNNY was created by Lee M. Withers. (c)1997. This is a work of fan fiction, and is not meant to be taken as canon... but what else is new? All copyrighted Warner Bros. characters are used without permission, but with a heck of a lot of admiration. ======================================================== WOMAN WHO CLEANS THINGS UP AFTER BETHANY: QUEEGEE BANANAHO. End Credit Cameo: Honey Bunny (in TTA circle with an armload of packages): "When the going gets furry, the furry go shopping! Bye now!"