Tiny Toon Adventures "Mayhem" Act One (of Six) By: Steve Allen Richards cawdor@sgi.net Standard disclaimer: My story & Warner Brothers' characters. ©1995 ACT ONE FADE IN ON: EXT. MONTANA MAX'S MANSION - THUNDERSTORM - NIGHT The mansion itself is dark. TRUCK IN to a dim light in a lower window. INT. MANSION BASEMENT - MONTANA MAX This is a dimly lit room in the mansion's basement. Occasionally, lightning flashes and brightens it up for a second. Max is pacing impatiently. MAX Are you done yet? (we hear no response) How much longer? (we hear no response) Well, hurry it up. Max sits in a convenient chair. MAX I knew I should have got someone competent... It took long enough. CALAMITY COYOTE is in the room working on something out of our view. He turns and picks up a Diehard battery. Bruce Willis jumps out while he turns back. Calamity proceeds to connect it to the unknown contraption. Max walks INTO SCENE and watches him pull a lever. They both observe the OS mechanism. MAX I like it! He slaps calamity on the back causing him to fall over. MAX Good job. Make a couple hundred more. All this work made me tired. I'm going to bed. Max walks off. Calamity grudgingly returns to work while grumbling. EXT. MANSION The rain has stopped. PAN UP to clouds which thin and part revealing a full moon. PAN DOWN. We are now at HAMTON'S HOUSE INT. HAMTON'S HOUSE - HAMTON Hamton is sorting through desk drawers, removing papers and placing them in a neat stack. HAMTON Ah, there's nothing like spring cleaning every day of the year. He gathers up the papers and stops. With a sly smile, he looks across the room at a SMALL WASTE BASKET sitting on the floor. HAMTON crumples up one of the papers and throws at the OS basket. He does this several times, then starts to get fancy. Hamton throws a hook shot, REVERSE ANGLE ON HAMTON tosses one from behind his back, makes a jump shot, ORIGINAL ANGLE ON HAMTON and one shot from under his leg. With no paper left, he sighs and says. HAMTON I guess that's why I didn't make the NBA. CAMERA ON WASTE BASKET Hamton has missed every shot. There are paper wads all over the floor. WIDER Hamton picks up all the paper and deposits it in the can. Then he lifts it up and heads outside. FRONT OF HAMTON'S HOUSE Hamton emerges with the little waste basket and goes around the side of the house. HAMTON AT SIDE OF HOUSE He empties the basket into a large garbage can which is now full. HAMTON I wish the garbage man would come more often. I can't clean this out when it's full. Suddenly, DIZZY DEVIL pops out of the garbage. HAMTON (shocked scream) DIZZY @!#@$! It garbage can. It supposed to be dirty. Dizzy spins away. Hamton regains his composure and drags the can to the curb right behind his mailbox. HAMTON I knew I should have fumigated for Tasmanian devils. CLOSE ON MAILBOX Now, GOGO DODO pops out of the mailbox. GOGO He's right, you know. Nothing you can do. Garbage is dirty. WIDER Hamton screams again and slams the mailbox shut. HAMTON The postal service should be notified. PULL BACK. This scene was inside of a crystal ball placed on a table. PULL BACK further. Peering into the ball is a shrouded figure not facing us. VOICE OF THE FIGURE (VO) There is a great disturbance in the force. ANGLE ON FIFI She is seated at the other side of the table looking concerned. FIFI Are you all right? ANGLE ON SHROUDED FIGURE (SHIRLEY) Shirley removes the hood and seems to shake herself out of a trance. SHIRLEY Oh, sorry about that. WIDE SHOT Shirley looks into the ball in front of her. She calls Fifi over to that side of the table. They look together. SHIRLEY Look at this. CLOSE ON SHIRLEY AND FIFI with the top of the crystal ball in the f.g. Shirley's gaze is one of concentration and worry. Fifi appears confused. FIFI Je ne comprend pas. What does it mean? ANGLE ON SHIRLEY She does an aside to CAMERA. SHIRLEY If you're like our odorous friend here, you may like find it difficult to understand psychic phenomenon and some junk... SHIRLEY AND FIFI step away from the table and wait for DIZZY to walk THRU SHOT pulling the NEW BACKGROUND SCENE. It is a CLASSROOM SHIRLEY (CONT) Allow me to explain, okay? The girls professionally go through this scene as if expertly rehearsed. Fifi holds up a card that says "PSYCHIC". Shirley pulls out a copy of the Webfoot dictionary and reads from it. SHIRLEY Psychic: sensitive to forces beyond the physical world. FIFI helps to clarify. FIFI Which means she can predict- SHIRLEY finishes the sentence. SHIRLEY that this will be a great show (beat) and Elvis will be spotted in Canada. CUT TO: ELVIS IN SNOWY WOODS He is dressed like a Mountie. ELVIS Aw, shoot, man. Now, I'll have to go to Mexico. CUT BACK: SHIRLEY AND FIFI Fifi now holds a card that says "TELEKINESIS". Shirley reads from the dictionary again. SHIRLEY Telekinesis: moving an object by mental process. FIFI FIFI Which means she can do this. SHIRLEY AND FIFI Shirley directs her fingers at something OS. A FRUIT BASKET The fruit starts to shake and rises up one by one. SHIRLEY AND FIFI Fifi attracts our attention by pointing to the telekinesis sign while Shirley uses her hands to direct the floating line of fruit THRU SHOT. It floats over to an excited DIZZY DEVIL where they drop into his mouth. He chews and swallows happily. DIZZY Mmm, brain food. CLOSE ON FIFI FIFI Incredible, n'est pas? SHIRLEY AND FIFI Fifi's card says "ESP". SHIRLEY Extrasensory perception: that beyond the normal comprehension of objects. FIFI disposes of the card. She says slyly to CAMERA FIFI That means she can tell what you are thinking. SHIRLEY AND FIFI Shirley presses on her temples and goes into a second of deep thought. SHIRLEY (to FIFI) They want us to get on with the show. They grin wide and zip OS fast. WIPE TO: CLOSE ON SHIRLEY AND FIFI gazing into crystal ball exactly as in the earlier scene. FIFI What is it you see? SHIRLEY Trouble, big trouble. (to CAMERA) and plot! Fifi is amazed at Shirley's powers. However, she (like us) still does not understand. FIFI What should we do? WIDER Shirley gently picks up the crystal ball. SHIRLEY To be warned of the problems of the future, one must prepare today by learning of the past. FIFI It is fantastic to have a guru like you. Just then, they both pose at CAMERA. Fifi pulls out a card reading "GURU". SHIRLEY Guru: personal spiritual advisor. They snap back to normal. SHIRLEY Of course, you don't need me when you have television. Shirley holds to ball towards CAMERA. ZOOM IN to it. The scene we see is: OVERHEAD VIEW - MONTANA MAX'S POOL MONTANA MAX - RAFT Max, in a bathing suit, is in the swimming pool, lounging on a raft, and sipping lemonade. A BUZZER goes off and Max looks downward at the raft. ON RAFT There is a panel lit up which simply reads "Basement". MAX (OS) It took long enough. WIDER - POOL - YARD - CABANA Max is climbing out of the pool. He walks across the yard into a small cabana house. A second later, he walks out the other side, but clothed in his normal suit. He continues OS. INT. MANSION - LONG HALLWAY - MONTANA MAX Max quickly walks all the way down this hallway moving toward CAMERA. MAX AT TOP OF STAIRS He goes down a huge flight of steps. ANOTHER HALLWAY - MAX He walks away from CAMERA down this hallway and around a corner. CLOSE ON MAX Still walking, but now out of breath MAX AND GROVELEY Max has come to Groveley so he approaches him, panting heavily. CLOSER Max grabs Groveley's shirt and pulls himself up. MAX This house is to darn big. GROVELEY Yes, sir, I am aware. Max drops down. MAX Good! I'll be in the basement. So, if you need me, don't hesitate to take a hike. HA. WIDER He walks off. Unseen to Max, Groveley flares a nostril at him. CUT TO: BASEMENT - ELEVATOR DOORS The doors open and once again we see MONTANA MAX whose eyes instantly light up. MAX (in awe) Finished at last. 180 DEGREE PAN to show CALAMITY COYOTE standing proudly in front of a small army of robots. Max approaches him. CALAMITY AND MAX Calamity, with a broad smile, hands Max the operating instructions and then, keeps his hand out in expectation of payment. Max snatches the instructions and walks away. CLOSER ON MAX MAX Instructions. Perfect. Now, I can start my plan. As he flips through the manual, CALAMITY'S HAND taps him on the shoulder. MAX (annoyed) Now what? WIDER Calamity is standing with palm outstretched again. MAX (more annoyed) I guess you want paid, huh? Frantic nod by the coyote. Suddenly, Max becomes over-friendly. MAX Sure thing, come with me. Max takes him by the hand, walks a few steps, and stuffs him in a box. CLOSE ON BOX We see Calamity being jammed inside a half full box of robot parts. The box is labeled "Spare Parts". WIDER Max slams on the lid, zips OS and returns with a hammer and nails the lid on. He pulls out a label and slaps it on the lid. CLOSE ON BOX Max writes on the label "THIRD CLASS, ZANZIBAR". He also sticks on a few stamps. The box is lifted up. CORNER OF BASEMENT - MAILBOX There is a mailbox inside Montana Max's basement. Max carrying box, comes INTO SCENE stuffs it in the mailbox. He steps back and instantly a MAILMAN rushes in, grabs the package, and leaves. MAX smirks. MAX Geez, lock a guy down in your basement, make him slave for a month, and he expects paid? What's this world coming to? ARMY OF ROBOTS - MAX Amazed, Max looks at these machines and then at the instructions in his hand. He moves over to a large control panel. MAX AT CONTROL PANEL clearly labeled "Main Control Panel". Max sits down at it and begins to read the manual. MAX (reading) Congratulations on your new Acmetron 5000 series. Before you begin operation, be aware of the following precautions. (speaking) Aw, who cares. He tears off that page and throws it aside. MAX (reading) First, locate your control panel- Max, seated at the panel, looks around for it in every direction before finally realizing its location. He continues reading the manual. MAX (goes into mechanical jumble) Engage levers A through G. Toggle mission setting to desired transitional phase. (mumble, mumble, mumble) (to CAMERA) Kids, this may take awhile. WIPE TO: AN AIRPLANE FLYING OVER AFRICA Once the plane reaches the east coast (Zanzibar), it releases the "spare parts" box. ON BOX as it speeds toward the ground. Eventually, a parachute pops out and the box glides down slowly... BOX BY TREE Until, an overhanging tree branch rips it off. The box plummets its final twenty feet and smashes onto the ground. CLOSER Zanzibar natives approach and watch CALAMITY emerge from the debris, dust himself off as if nothing happened, take one step, and fall face first to the ground. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. BUSTER'S HOLE We hear the muffled sounds of a television coming from inside. INT. BUSTER'S HOLE - BUSTER AND BABS ON COUCH Buster and Babs are seated on the couch each with a bowl of popcorn. Babs has the remote control. They wave to CAMERA. BUSTER Welcome to Rabbit Critique. I'm Buster Ebert Bunny. BABS And I'm Babs Siskel Bunny. BUSTER AND BABS No relation. BABS BABS Today, we'll review the wonderful programs in the Monday lineup. First- She points the remote at CAMERA ON TV which is playing the beginning of Tiny Toon Adventures. BABS (OS) Tiny Toon Adventures! BUSTER (OS) A great show! BUSTER AND BABS BUSTER (CONT) A masterpiece! One of the greatest programs on television today. I suggest that you all watch it non-stop until you become drooling maniacs with your eyes stuck to the screen. During the last lines, Babs holds up a sign that says "Shameless Plug". Buster gathers his composition and picks up the remote. ON TV The program changes to Immature Radioactive Samurai Slugs. BUSTER (OS) Next, we have the Immature Radioactive Samurai Slugs. BABS (OS) Dreadful, absolutely dreadful. BUSTER AND BABS BABS (CONT) Violent, plotless, and yes immature. Only a moron would watch that trash. BUSTER (almost offended) Hey, this is Plucky's favorite show! BABS My point exactly. Next! She pushes the remote control. Babs then does her spin and appears as an anchorperson. YOUR CHOICE WHICH ONE BABS (as anchorperson) Ooh, the six o'clock news. Never a dull moment. Suspense, action- BUSTER (confused) Montana Max? ON TV Fred Dopple (as subtitle states) is sitting at a desk giving the newscast. The square icon behind him shows Montana Max. We pick up in mid sentence. FRED DOPPLE ...contract with the city. The new automated sanitation force, owned by Montana Max will revolutionize the process of refuse collection. SCREEN - MONTANA MAX with a league of robots behind and beside him. He speaks into a bunch of microphones. MAX Every day I'll send out this army to pick up any and all litter in the streets and yards of Acme Acres. And, instead of paying each garbage man individually, you can just pay ME! BUSTER AND BABS are watching the television with interest. BUSTER Sounds to me like another dumb scheme. How can anyone trust him anyway? BABS Maybe this will do us a lot of good. I mean, just think of how clean Acme Acres will be. It'll look like Hamton's house. BUSTER Well, if Monty's behind this, you know something's going to go wrong. Besides, you know the little weasel is probably up to something! BABS Now, Buster, we can't be sure of that. They look at each other for a beat and simultaneously frown. BABS Then again, this is Monty we're talking about. BUSTER is curious, but not over-concerned. BUSTER I guess we'll just have to keep our eyes open and see what happens. He points the remote at CAMERA STATIC END OF ACT ONE Tiny Toon Adventures "Mayhem" Act Two (of Six) By: Steve Allen Richards cawdor@sgi.net Standard disclaimer: My story & Warner Brothers' characters. ©1995 ACT TWO IRIS IN TO: FURRBALL IN ALLEY - NIGHT TIME He is picking bits and pieces out of individual garbage cans. We hear distant MOTOR NOISES constantly growing louder. Furrball gathers a considerable banquet (for him anyway). SFX: BEEP BEEP BEEP of a truck backing up. However, Furrball is busy looking in the last can. seeing something deep inside, he climbs in after it. ANGLE ON TRUCK The truck that is making the noise is a huge garbage truck. It backs up the alley and stops right at CAMERA. ANGLE ON DOOR This is our first glimpse of a robot in action. The door opens and a mechanical leg steps out. ON GARBAGE CAN rattling around because Furrball is still inside. SIDE ANGLE ON TRUCK The robot steps out into view. It methodically, but carelessly, goes about its job. THE ROBOT picks up the first can and dumps its contents into the truck. He doesn't just empty it, but bangs the heck out of it. Finished, he roughly tosses it OS. SFX: CRASH He continues with the next can. ANGLE ON ORIGINAL CAN It is severely dented and lying in the corner of the alley. A dazed FURRBALL is able to stagger out before being SLAMMED into the wall by the next can that is thrown. CLOSER The can drops down leaving Furrball flattened to the wall with brick and grout impressions on him. He struggles and pops loose. FURRBALL (cat scream) Furrball bolts out of there before another can is heaved onto the pile. CUT TO: SUBURBS - THAT NIGHT A few robots are roaming the streets, dumping metal trash cans into a truck and making an awful lot of noise. INT. BEDROOM - ELDERLY COUPLE We still hear the noise outside. The elderly couple lie sleeping in bed. Next to the bed is a cane and a clock which reads 10:30. Truck in on OLD MAN's face. He awakens when he hears a particularly loud CLATTER coming from outside. OLD MAN Huh? WIDE SHOT He rushes over to the window then realizes that he forgot his cane. ON CANE WIDE SHOT so he rushes back, grabs it, then hobbles over to the window. OLD MAN It's them there robot thingies again makin' a racket so late. OLD WOMAN (OS) (She speaks in monotone) Go to sleep, Harold. The man shakes his cane furiously. OLD MAN We didn't have ruckus like this goin' on until that Montgomery Mark showed up. CAMERA ON THE OLD WOMAN She's vainly trying to sleep. OLD WOMAN His name is Montana Max. Now, go to sleep. OLD MAN coming away from the window. OLD MAN We was just fine till that whipper- snapper made them meeechanical hickeys. I'm gonna go down and teach him a lesson. The man puts down his cane and sits on the bed. He starts to put on his slippers. OLD WOMAN She picks up the cane and whacks the OS man OLD WOMAN Go to sleep, Harold. DISSOLVE TO: PLUCKY DUCK sitting on the floor in his house, totally engrossed in a video game. He is leaning side to side. ANGLE BEHIND PLUCKY We see that Plucky is playing a driving simulation game and is leaning in sync with the car's turns. PLUCKY DUCK leans too far and falls over. He fumbles with the controller for awhile before sitting back up to resume normal play. There is a KNOCK at the door. PLUCKY (whiny) What? ON FRONT DOOR It opens and in steps a sanitation robot. He mechanically chants ROBOT (repeated chant) Garbage... garbage... over and over. ANGLE ON PLUCKY Plucky is annoyed but his attention remains in the game. PLUCKY There's none in here. I left it all outside. Nonetheless, the ROBOT, carrying a big brown trash bag, comes INTO SCENE and precedes to scoop up the gaming equipment amidst Plucky's protests. PLUCKY Hey! Stop it! Wait! The robot turns to leave so Plucky confronts him. CLOSER Plucky grabs the offender as best he can. PLUCKY What do you think you're doing? Don't you know what trash is? On that note, the robot stuffs Plucky in the garbage bag. He yells and kicks from inside. ROBOT carries the bag out the front door. OUTSIDE - NIGHT - CLOSE ON BAG From inside, Plucky pokes out a blade and cuts a large hole in the plastic sack. PULL BACK. This causes PLUCKY, with pocketknife in hand, and his games to come tumbling out onto the lawn. The robot keeps walking with torn bag. Plucky looks triumphantly at the pocketknife. He folds down the blade. PLUCKY Ah, I never go anywhere without my Acme army knife - with optional hair dryer and microwave attachments. Yes, a microwave and a hair dryer fold out from the core of the knife. They neatly fold up and fit down inside. Plucky now looks gravely serious. PLUCKY Something should be done about those bolt-buckets. Something should be done now! He gathers up the game system. (seriousness gone) PLUCKY But not by me. I've got a high score to set. Plucky goes inside. PLUCKY'S HOUSE Time passes and dawn comes. Plucky emerges with his school backpack on and also carries a hand held video game. He walks off. PLUCKY - TRAIL Plucky is walking through the woods. He's playing the game and completely ignoring everything else. He approaches Buster's hole (it remains OS, the basketball hoop comes into the b.g.). Not looking up, he calls to Buster who is down inside the hole. PLUCKY You ready, Buster? We got a test in Leghorn's class today, remember? BUSTER (somewhat muffled & metallic) Yeah, I'm coming. SFX: GONG. This startles Plucky, so he actually looks up from his game. WIDER There is an overturned trash can covering the stump around Buster's hole and many pieces of trash strewn around the ground. Buster emerges from underneath the can. He tosses is OS. (SFX: CRASH, CAT SCREECH) Plucky finds this amusing. PLUCKY Hey, how'd that get there? ON BUSTER Buster looks at him accusingly. A bump rises from his head. BUSTER I was about to ask you the same thing. He carefully rubs his head. WIDER Plucky goes to his own defense. PLUCKY Woah, don't look at me. I'm too busy trying to figure out Dr. Gene Splicer's DNA madness turbo puzzle catastrophe extraordinaire (adds) in 3-D! Smiling, he indicates to the game in his hand. He looks down at it, PLUCKY (scream) Game over? No, I've been playing for over an hour. He begins to whine and sob. Buster has been trying to figure something out. He interrupts Plucky's mourning. BUSTER So, it was like that when you got here, eh? A nod by Plucky. He toys limply with the game. PLUCKY (between sobs) It w's probably Max's robot guys. They kind of mess up a lot an' there's nothing he can do. BUSTER (angry) If Monty can't control his robots, he has no right to let them out in the streets. (determined) I'll put a stop to this. Buster storms OS. Plucky starts to follow. He calls to him. PLUCKY Hey, but we’re supposed to meet Babs! BUSTER marching away BUSTER I'll catch up in a couple minutes. First, I've got to give Monty a piece of my mind. PLUCKY is not concerned. PLUCKY Okay, have fun. He restarts the game and begins to walk towards school. Since he's not watching where he's going, he trips right into Buster's hole. WIPE TO: BUSTER AT FRONT DOOR OF MANSION Buster is angry. He rings the “Money” bell and waits. Groveley answers. GROVELEY opens the door. GROVELEY Yes? BUSTER BUSTER I'm here to talk to Monty. He's got a lot to answer for. GROVELEY as usual, still hasn't looked down. GROVELEY I'm sorry. Master Monty will not speak to anyone. He slams the door. BUSTER Buster is about to barge inside when the door gets shut on his face. He pulls it off and starts to pound on the door. When it opens, Buster starts to rave. BUSTER Listen you, I ought to come in there and- He looks up and sees that it's not Groveley, but Arnold. BUSTER (weakly) Oh, no. ARNOLD grins evilly. ARNOLD Bye-bye, Bunny. BUSTER AT ARNOLD'S FEET He gets turned around and booted VERY WIDE SCENE into a graceful arc. He goes very high. BUSTER (scream) ANGLE ABOVE CLOUDS POOF, BUSTER flies through, leaving his imprint in the cloud. His movement stops. He hangs motionless in the air. BUSTER Okay, now what do I do? CONCORD (OS) Uh, I know! PULL BACK showing CONCORD CONDOR flapping above Buster. CONCORD You're gonna fall, yep, yep. BUSTER (screams again) He frantically grabs for Concord, but only gets a few feathers. He plummets OS. BUSTER FALLING trying to flap with the feathers. EXT. BABS' BURROW Make sure that the flowers outside of the burrow are crushed. BUSTER (OS) (scream fading in) BUSTER (actually a blue blur) falls into the hole. INT. BABS' BURROW - BUSTER Buster is lying in a pile of laundry. He spits out a sock. WIDER BABS sees him BABS Buster, thanks for dropping in. She helps him up. He dusts himself off. BABS (CONT) Did you give Monty a piece of your mind? BUSTER No, but Arnold got piece of me. ON BUSTER He turns around to show us the large footprint on his backside. ON BABS She is gathering up a few books. BABS (laughs at him) Oh, Buster, why are you so worried about what a bunch of garbage machines do? So they make a couple of mistakes, big deal. WIDER They're ready to leave for school. Buster is standing directly under the burrow entrance. BUSTER Well, excuse me, but I don't think they're doing anyone any good except Monty. Plus, I don't appreciate them messing up my stuff. ...After you... He lets Babs go out first. EXT. BURROW BABS (OS) Relax, don't take it so personally. BABS emerges. BABS (CONT) (sarcastic) I'm sure they meant to leave a mess behind. (scream) This is when she notices that all of her flowers have been trampled. BUSTER pops up. BUSTER What? BABS (hysterical) My flowers! Look at what happened to my flowers! She vainly tries to revive them. ON BUSTER BUSTER (cynical) Relax, Don't take it so personally. I'm sure they meant to step on your flowers. BABS (OS) Let's just go. HER HAND pulls Buster OS by the ears. DISSOLVE TO: CALAMITY AND NATIVES Calamity is thinking while pacing back and forth. A small group of natives pace in the background in sync with him. He glances down at the smashed box that he arrived in and gets an idea. WIPE TO: CALAMITY - LATER on his knees methodically working, piecing together the spare robot parts one after another. He finishes, stands, and holds up a "TA-DA" sign. PULL BACK revealing that Calamity has completed a makeshift aircraft. It is directly in front of him along with an audience of applauding natives. CLOSE ON CALAMITY He pulls out a photograph of Montana Max, firmly points to it, looks at CAMERA and gives the "thumbs down" sign. FADE TO: FRONT VIEW OF MAX'S LIMO (Note: This scene uses the original "This is the Life" directly as preformed by Weird Al Yankovic c. 1985. Montana Max lip syncs all of the lyrics, however, they are in Weird Al Yankovic's voice, so Max's words will be denoted by "AL".) MUSIC CUE: THIS IS THE LIFE. We see the front grille and gold "M" hood ornament on this limousine which is cruising down the street. SIDE VIEW OF LIMO The limousine is moving THROUGH SHOT. This thing is huge! PULL BACK while door after door after door of the limo pass. We never get a full shot because of the immensity of the car. It stops at the gate outside of the mansion. OPPOSITE SIDE DOOR The door opens and out drives another limousine. FOLLOW this limo up to the mansion itself. A BUTLER opens the door and MAX steps out. MAX (KEEP TRUCKING CLOSER) He strolls into his house, turns to the CAMERA and slams the door. [18s] INT. MANSION - MAX AT DINNER TABLE Mounds of food are piled in front of him. (Now, the lyrics start, so) Max smiles and sings AL I eat filet mignon seven times a day. CUT TO: MAX IN BUBBLE BATH AL My bathtub's filled with Perrier. He raises his arms out of the water in casual manner. AL What can I say? Four identical BUTLERS poke their heads INTO THE CORNERS OF SCENE and aid Max in singing the title line. AL This is the life. CUT TO: MAX - HALLWAY dressed in a bathrobe with his hands thrust in pockets. He sings casually while walking. AL I buy a dozen cars when I'm in the mood. I hire somebody to chew my food. Max puts his thumb up in "OK" fashion. AL I'm an upwardly mobile dude. Exactly as before, the BUTLERS pop in... AL This is the life. [37s] CUT TO: MAX BEHIND DESK Max, back in his suit, is sitting at a desk with piles of cash in front of him. AL They say that money corrupts you, but I can't really tell. Max jumps onto the desk. PULL BACK revealing dignified businessmen on their knees on the floor in front of the desk. AL I got the whole world at my feet and I think it's pretty swell. CUT TO: EXT. MANSION - ANGLE ON MAX AT WINDOW Max is standing casually, gazing out the window. AL I got women I love outside my door. ZIP PAN to the front door. Standing there are a good two dozen ELMYRAs AL They've been waiting there since the week before. INT MANSION - MAX AT WINDOW he turns to CAMERA AL Who could ask for more? Four BUTLERS pop in. AL This is the life. [55s] CUT TO: BUTLER ON A STAGE The butler is playing the CLARINET SOLO of the song. MAX jumps INTO SCENE with an electric guitar and boots the butler off. He plays the next solo. [75s] CUT TO: MAX IN RECLINER looking into a notebook marked "IRA'S" AL You're dead for a real long time. You just can't prevent it. So, if money can't buy happiness - PULL BACK. Max is surrounded by a gigantic home entertainment center. AL I guess I'll have to rent it! CUT TO: MAX AND PAPERBOY AT FRONT DOOR Max snatches the newspaper, AL Yeah, every day I make the front page news. No time to pay my dues. and shuts the door on the paperboy (who is awaiting payment). CLOSE ON PAPER in Max's hands. Its headline reads "Montana Max Owns 1,000,000 Pairs of Shoes". AL I got a million pairs of shoes. He opens the paper. It shows a picture of the four butlers and a caption: "This Is The Life". AL This is the life. [93s] CUT TO: BUTLER ON STAGE He is playing the clarinet. PAN LEFT across the stage along with tempo. When the first butler goes OS right, a second one comes in from the left side playing the piano. When he disappears OS right, we see Max tap dancing in from the left. PAN RIGHT to show the group of butlers sing the DO-WOP part. STOP PAN. MAX, wearing hat, sunglasses, and a gold chain (reading "MAX") slides UP INTO SCENE scratching on a pair of turntables. [130s] CUT TO: MAX LOUNGING IN POOL He is laying on an inflatable raft, wearing sunglasses and looking nowhere in particular. AL I got a solid gold Cadillac. I make a fortune while I sleep. He looks at CAMERA, AL You can tell I'm a living legend, and tilts down his glasses. AL not some ordinary creep. [139s] CUT TO: MAX IN FRONT OF MANSION (The next scenes slide in from the right side, pushing the existing scene off the left side of the screen. I will use the term "SLIDE TO:") AL No way, I'm the boss, SLIDE TO: A LARGE CHUNK OF CHEESE subtitled "The Big Cheese" AL The big cheese, SLIDE TO: A GIANT MAX standing behind the Capitol building. AL Yeah, I got this town on its stumpy little knees. he points to himself. AL I can do just what I please. SLIDE TO: THE FOUR BUTLERS AL This is the life. SLIDE TO: MAX wearing a royal robe, a crown, and holding a scepter. AL That's right, I'm the king, SLIDE TO: BLOCK NUMBER 1 titled "Number One" AL Number one, SLIDE TO: A BOX OF HANDKERCHIEFS monogrammed with script "MM". A hand pulls one out and another pops up. AL I buy monogrammed Kleenex. by the ton. CUT TO: MONTANA MAX standing in his den. Looking at CAMERA, he points at himself on each of the next three lines. AL I pay the bills. CLOSER AL I call the shots. CLOSER AL I grease the palms. CLOSE ON MAX'S FACE AL I buy the yachts. A large boat falls INTO SCENE. [157s] CUT TO: MAX AT TOP OF STAIRS He jumps on the banister and slides down. AL One thing I can guarantee, the best things in life, they sure ain't free. It's such a thrill just to be me. He stops at the bottom of the banister and stands on it. AL This is the life. He jumps OS. INT. MANSION - BY FRONT DOOR MAX slides in on his knees and finishes the song. AL This is the life. [170s] The doorbell rings. Max adjusts his suit and answers the door. REPORTER AT DOOR - OUTSIDE VIEW He speaks fast and is really pushy. REPORTER Montana Max? I'm Sam DuBois: reporter for the Acme Times. He flashes his ID for about 1/12 of a second. REPORTER AT DOOR - INSIDE VIEW REPORTER (CONT) Come in? Thank you. Don't mind if I do. He barges right in Max's house. (Scene: Max is shocked, annoyed, then angry. He keeps trying to get a word in but is unsuccessful.) The reporter pulls out and reads from a small notebook. REPORTER (barrage) Are you aware that your robot crew is causing widespread disapproval and bitterness among the people of this community? Are you also aware that they are unintelligent, reckless and noisy, not to mention clumsy and inefficient. Your machines don't even participate in the town's recycling program. Pointing to the notebook, he speaks directly to Max (who is now getting bored). REPORTER (CONT) I have enough classified information in here to put you out of business permanently. What do you have to say about that? Max pulls out a dollar bill and waves it around. MAX I say that you forget about all of it. ON REPORTER REPORTER (offended) You think you can buy me with that?! CLOSE ON MAX He is sly and calm. MAX No, I think I can buy you with this! WIDER Max pulls out a whole stack of cash. The reporter quickly drops his notebook, grabs the cash, tips his hat, and says REPORTER Thank you, sir. Glad to have never met you. He darts out the door. CLOSE ON MAX MAX (maniacal laughter) IRIS OUT END OF ACT TWO Tiny Toon Adventures "Mayhem" Act Three (of Six) By: Steve Allen Richards cawdor@sgi.net Standard disclaimer: My story & Warner Brothers' characters. ©1995 ACT THREE FADE IN: SHIRLEY AND FIFI still inside Shirley's house. They are both in the Lotus position with eyes closed. They seem to be above the ground. PULL BACK Shirley is floating in the air, but Fifi is sitting on a chair. SHIRLEY (VO) (softly) I hope you didn't forget about us... If we can read into our antagonist, we may conquer. Fifi's eyes open. FIFI Tres cool! How do you talk like that? Shirley awakes. SHIRLEY Oh, that? It's just something called a voice-over. Now then, She floats to the floor and asks to Fifi: SHIRLEY Do you understand the aspects behind this dilemma? or some junk. Fifi climbs off of the chair. She shows some anger. FIFI Oui, Montana Max ees un ane avare and he needs a good keek in zee bout! CLOSE ON SHIRLEY who is on her way to one side of the room where a huge computer terminal sits. SHIRLEY Nothing like a foreign tongue to get past the censors. ANGLE ON FIFI she sticks her tongue out. WIDER Shirley starts typing on the computer. FIFI So, we have to stop him? SHIRLEY No. FIFI No? SHIRLEY No, On the computer screen appears a picture of Max's mansion. SHIRLEY (CONT) we like don't have the power. Fifi seems depressed. Shirley hits a few more buttons and the image of Buster comes up on the computer. Shirley calmly continues as if on a mission. SHIRLEY Buster also realizes that Max's stubbornness is the enemy here and not the robots. (adds to CAMERA) but, I didn't say we couldn't help. TRUCK IN to picture of Buster DISSOLVE TO: BUSTER AT HOME He is watching TV while eating a carrot pizza. We can tell that the TV is playing a western. (SFX from tv:HORSES, PEOPLE YELLING, GUNSHOTS) BUSTER These talk shows are getting carried away. He changes the channel to a newscast and drinks from a can of carrot juice. ANCHORMAN (VO) ... in response to the recent complaints. Here's what the mayor had to say. MAYOR ON TV SCREEN The mayor is being attacked by the press. Though trying to get away, he manages to answer: MAYOR I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do. He's under a five year contract. Now, if you'll excuse me- The mayor jolts in reaction to an OS CRASH as does BUSTER who spits out the carrot juice. The CRASH repeats itself every few seconds. BUSTER Hey, what's going on? He jumps up to look outside. EXT. HOLE - NIGHT BUSTER pokes his head out. BUSTER Oh, for crying out loud. WIDE SHOT Buster is looking at a Robot who keeps repeatedly running into a nearby tree. BUSTER Hey, knock it off. He jumps out and is about to stop the machine when it finally ANGLE ON ROBOT breaks right through the tree, causing it to fall onto BUSTER He pokes out from under the branches and shakes several leaves out of his ears. Buster is furious. BUSTER I am sick and tired- SHIRLEY (OS) Maybe you should take some aspirin and go to bed. Surprised, Buster looks over to see that WIDER Shirley has been standing behind him. BUSTER Oh, hi, Shirl. I can't talk now; I'm going to Monty's and I'm gonna... uh, I'll Shirley doesn't move from the one spot. SHIRLEY What are you going to do? BUSTER Heh, I kind of don't know. But, it'll be something good. CLOSE ON SHIRLEY SHIRLEY It's like in the basement. ON BUSTER He is completely confused. BUSTER Huh? WIDE SHOT SHIRLEY Whatever you're looking for is in the basement of the mansion. Buster takes this lightly and is about to leave. BUSTER Uh, thanks, I'll remember that. CLOSE ON SHIRLEY SHIRLEY You shouldn't go alone. Take a friend. Maybe one with green feathers and a beak that he can't keep shut, okay? ON BUSTER BUSTER (to CAMERA) I wonder who that could be. He looks back toward Shirley, but... WIDE SHOT Shirley is gone! BUSTER blinks a few times and pulls out the carrot juice can. He looks it over for a moment and tosses it away. BUSTER I knew it... past the expiration date! Buster remembers his purpose and goes off. WIPE TO: INT. PLUCKY'S HOUSE - PLUCKY AND BUSTER Buster is standing next to Plucky who is sitting in front of the TV, playing another video game. PLUCKY Why me? Why not someone like Hamton? BUSTER Because Hamton actually likes the robots. (imitating Hamton) He says they're nice and clean. ON PLUCKY He isn't paying much attention to Buster. Instead, he fights with his controller. BUSTER (OS) Come on, Pluckster, you owe me a favor. PLUCKY What are you talking about? PLUCKY AND BUSTER Buster kneels beside Plucky to "refresh his memory". BUSTER Remember last week when you ate Dizzy's lunch? He was about to eat you until I convinced him that he already ate it. Plucky remembers. PLUCKY Oh, yeah. ON PLUCKY PLUCKY (whiny) Can't it wait, I'm fighting Chang Taz. He ignores Buster and struggles with his controller some more. ANGLE ON BUSTER BUSTER (glorious speech) No, it can't wait any longer. The time has come. It's up to us to put a stop to Montana Max's mechanical mayhem. Our very futures may depend on it. ON PLUCKY'S TV SCREEN The set shows chunky video images of the Tasmanian Devil and Daffy Duck. Taz whirlwinds into Daffy, knocking him over. PLUCKY (OS) NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Taz picks up Daffy and swallows him whole. He grins an CAMERA. Words appear on screen "Chang Taz Wins". ON BUSTER AND PLUCKY Plucky's mouth is hanging open. Buster doesn't care. BUSTER Come on. He drags Plucky away from CAMERA. Plucky keeps reaching for the game (located behind CAMERA). PLUCKY (frantic) No, let me continue. All I had to do was block, jump, duck, punch, and split. OR if I just kicked and dived and followed through with a left hook... DISSOLVE TO: EXT. MANSION PAN ACROSS to nearby woods FRONT VIEW - PLUCKY AND BUSTER lying down in the woods, peering through binoculars. Their pupils can be seen in the lenses. We can also see them blink. Simultaneously, they remove the binoculars and look at each other, but their pupils remain inside the binocular lenses. Alarmed, they turn the binoculars around and TAKE (the eyeballs inside the lenses expand in surprise). BACK VIEW some fuss is going on. FRONT VIEW They're back to normal. BUSTER So, what do you think? PLUCKY I think that was a cheap sight gag. BUSTER No, what do you think about getting in the mansion. PLUCKY I think it's going to be hard to do. Buster finally slaps him in the back of the head. PLUCKY What was that for? BUSTER (directly to plucky) This is supposed to be a very serious scene. Our lives may be in danger. (starting over) So, what do you think? PLUCKY I think I'm going home. He gets up to leave, but Buster stops him. CLOSE ON BUSTER He pleads with him. BUSTER Come on, please. I can't do this without you. BUSTER AND PLUCKY PLUCKY Give me one good reason. BUSTER If we stop Monty, think of all the people we'd be helping. Noticing Plucky's lack of response, he adds BUSTER They'll think of you as a hero. CLOSE ON PLUCKY He fantasizes about being carried on the shoulders of hundreds of cheering fans. Now Plucky takes control. PLUCKY Okay, I got it. BUSTER AND PLUCKY PLUCKY (CONT) We can't just walk right in the door, right? So, we'll have to sneak in somehow. Buster mocks Plucky's referral to the obvious. BUSTER (sarcastically) Oh, really, Plucky? I was going to wait for an invitation. Plucky sneers at him. PLUCKY Well, Mr. Smarty, we may just have one. He points at the mansion. ANGLE ON MANSION PLUCKY (OS) See those windows on the bottom floor? PLUCKY is confident as he explains PLUCKY (CONT) Chances are we could slip right in, get whatever we're looking for, and be back out before anyone notices! (suddenly unsure) By the way, what exactly is it that we're looking for? WIDER Buster gets embarrassed. BUSTER I exactly don't know... But it is in the basement! PLUCKY OK! Let's go! Plucky is about to march off when he realizes how much sense the last statement made. PLUCKY What do you mean “you don't know”? Buster baffles him BUSTER (sternly) Look, it's real simple. If we don't know what we're trying to find, it doesn't matter what it is! Whatever it might be, it's in the basement. CLOSE ON PLUCKY He goes batty for a moment. MUSIC: POP GOES THE WEASEL PLUCKY (losing it) Yeah, simple, ha-ha, basement! ON CUE: his head pops up on a spring. He quickly pulls it back on. BUSTER AND PLUCKY PLUCKY Let's just get this over with. I have a legend to make, Buster follows him OS WIDE SHOT OF MANSION We see the two shadows slowly approaching. PLUCKY (CONT) (VO) glory and fame to gather. BUSTER (VO) That's you, always the humanitarian. MUCH CLOSER Plucky, in the lead, and Buster have come to some sort of band. It is stretched out a few inches off the ground between two trees. Plucky stops in front of it. He puts his hand back to stop Buster. PLUCKY A-ha, a trip-wire! I knew my superior intellect and keen eyesight would come in handy. Buster flicks the trip-wire. SFX: BOING BUSTER That's odd, it's made of rubber. ON BUSTER He pulls out a handbook titled "How to Sneak Into a Mansion". BUSTER (CONT) It says here that a trip-wire is usually a thin steel cable- WIDER Plucky goes to step over it. PLUCKY Details, details. Whoever set this up probably doesn't have a clue what they're doing. ARNOLD jumps out from behind one of the trees freezing our heroes in fear. ARNOLD Actually, little sneaky people, I know exactly what I'm doing. He pulls their bodies back against the rubber band ARNOLD (CONT) I'm having a good fun time. and slingshots them out. BUSTER AND PLUCKY fly through the air and smack into the side of a helicopter. ON ARNOLD looking very smug. ARNOLD I love my job. WIPE TO: ANGLE ON BUSTER AND PLUCKY jumping out of the helicopter. Their parachutes open right away. PLUCKY'S POV We see an overhead view of the mansion. BUSTER AND PLUCKY As they float downward, the wind gently ripples up past them. PLUCKY Now all we have to do is glide to victory. ANGLE ON ARNOLD standing on the ground, looking up. Beside him is a giant fan which he switches on. It starts out slowly, but then, blows huge amounts of wind straight up. BUSTER AND PLUCKY as before. Plucky is smiling and ignorant. Buster realizes that the wind is whipping up and they're not falling as fast. BUSTER Did you notice that we're slowing down? PLUCKY Don't be ridiculous, It's just a--- Just then, the intense wind rips into the scene and pushes them way up. CLOSE ON BUSTER AND PLUCKY BUSTER AND PLUCKY (screaming) they ram into another craft. WIDER it's the starship "Enterprise". WIPE TO: BESIDE THE MANSION BUSTER AND PLUCKY are beamed down. Plucky is holding a steak in one hand. PLUCKY (confident) This one can't miss. BUSTER (not so confident) I'll believe it when I see it. Plucky holds the steak away from himself. They look around carefully and start walking slowly. It isn't long before (SFX: CRUNCH) Plucky turns and is nose to nose with ARNOLD who has bitten the steak and halfway up Plucky's arm. PLUCKY Bye! Plucky pulls his fake arm off, then he and Buster run OS. Arnold goes to follow but is yanked to the ground because of ARNOLD'S POV Coming from Arnold's mouth and fading away from CAMERA are: the steak, held by Plucky's fake arm, attached to a thick chain, which is tied around a telephone pole. BUSTER AND PLUCKY run up to a window. They stop and look inside. BUSTER (overjoyed) That's what we're looking for! ANGLE IN WINDOW We see the control panel as in ACT I. Around it are neon arrows pointing and signs saying "here it is" and "this is what you're looking for". BUSTER AND PLUCKY staring in the window. PLUCKY I told you I'd get us here. We hear a GROWL coming from OS. BUSTER Excuse you. PLUCKY It wasn't me. they look to see WIDER ARNOLD standing next to them. He chews while sucking in the steak, arm, chain, and telephone pole while being gazed at in dread. After swallowing, he snatches Buster and Plucky and smashes them into a ball. CLOSER ARNOLD Listen to me, wimpy, baby, teeny, tiny, puny, little nothing persons: if I see you here again, (yelling) I make you not here at all! WIDER He produces a tennis racket and whacks them OS. DISSOLVE TO: INT. MANSION - MONTANA MAX Max is seated at a desk writing in a ledger when ARNOLD approaches him. MAX What? Arnold stands at attention and gives his report. ARNOLD I got rid of two more intruders Mister Max, sir. ON MAX He smiles and gets up. MAX Gee, thanks, Arnold. I don't know what I'd do without you. ON ARNOLD very proud of himself. ON MAX MAX (CONT) But we're gonna find out. he whistles. ON ARNOLD This takes him completely by surprise. ARNOLD Huh? WIDER Max is being an obnoxious cheapskate. MAX I've been thinking. Why pay you when I have this guy... ON DOORWAY A robot emerges (identical to all the rest). WIDER Arnold stands in shock. The robot comes up to them. MAX Meet your replacement, Colin. (dirty laugh) Arnold tries to protest. ARNOLD But, but I, but you- MAX You know these things are for taking out the trash, so (to COLIN) Ditch this bum. ON COLIN AND ARNOLD Colin, though smaller than Arnold, firmly escorts him out by the neck. ARNOLD (grows under his breath) MAX (OS) Have fun in the unemployment line. Ha ha ha. EXT. MANSION - WALKWAY - OVERHEAD VIEW We see the shadowy figures of Arnold and Colin heading toward the outside gate. ARNOLD AND COLIN Colin lets go of Arnold, who is growling louder, seething with anger. COLIN (emotionless monotone) Have fun in the unemployment line. Ha ha ha. ARNOLD Aaaaaargh! Finally snapping, Arnold, with one mighty whack, knocks the robot's head clean off its shoulders. ON COLIN He feels around his shoulders. WIDER Colin is now on his hand and knees searching for his head. Arnold shakes his fist at the mansion. ARNOLD As for you, rich boy, CLOSE ON ARNOLD He grits his teeth in hate while saying ARNOLD I'll be back. FADE OUT END OF ACT THREE Tiny Toon Adventures "Mayhem" Act Four (of Six) By: Steve Allen Richards cawdor@sgi.net Standard disclaimer: My story & Warner Brothers' characters. ©1995 ACT FOUR FADE IN: CALAMITY INSIDE PLANE Calamity is still stuck in Zanzibar, but not for long. He sits in the pilot seat (actually the only seat) of this cheap excuse for a plane. The first thing he does it pull down a pair of goggles. Next, he buckles three seat belts. GROUP OF NATIVES watch Calamity as if it's some sort of entertainment. (They may speak, but I don't know any Waswahili) CALAMITY'S POV Though this plane is tiny, the cockpit has and infinite number of controls. Calamity flips switches, turns dials, and pulls levers. THE NATIVES grow bored and soon gather around the plane. One starts the prop and the others pick up the plane, get a running start, and throw it forward into the air. They all wave goodbye. CALAMITY realizes that he's in flight and is surprised - and scared. He tries to control it the best he can. ANGLES ON THE PLANE The ride itself is very unstable. MUSIC CUE: FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE. A loose piece falls off once in a while. While the coyote does his best to head toward home, ZIP PAN to the extreme left. While panning, subtitle "10,000 miles away". STOP PAN on BUSTER and PLUCKY mashed into ball as before. They soar through the air and crash through the roof of Plucky's house. INT. PLUCKY'S HOUSE - TELEVISION We can see where they have landed by the hole in the roof and the smashed frame of the TV set. On the screen appears a game not unlike PONG. On each side of the screen is Arnold with a tennis racket and the ball is, of course, Buster and Plucky squashed. They bounce back and forth a few times. PULL BACK once again; This scene is inside Shirley's crystal ball. WIDE SHOT Shirley is gazing into the ball while Fifi is sitting at a desk in the far corner of the room preoccupied with some task. SHIRLEY This is like crucial, we'll need a lot more help than I first thought. ANGLE ON SHIRLEY She is much more worried than usual. SHIRLEY Okay, I think it's time we gathered the greatest warriors in the world or some junk. FIFI (OS) All we've got is zee cast of Tiny Toons. SHIRLEY Oh, right. WIDER Shirley is rapidly checking various papers and instruments. Fifi casually approaches and holds out an envelope. SHIRLEY Okay, then we have to use them okay? We should have a mass meeting, okay? But, how will we bring them all together- what's this? She finally realizes what Fifi is handing her. She takes it and opens it. SHIRLEY (reading) Dear friend of the community, We, the people of Acme Acres, in order to form a more perfect onion, Shirley pauses for a second after that line. SHIRLEY (CONT) do hereby request your presence at a town meeting at 8 o'clock at the Looniversity. The topic will be the crew de sanitation... SHIRLEY (CONT) (ponders, then understands) Sanitation crew! Fifi, this is outstanding. Our friends will show up for sure. ON FIFI Fifi is quite modest. FIFI I had to do zomething. I was tired of being zee bit player. Besides, you said we could help. WIDER SHIRLEY And help we shall! Let's go. They exit. CUT TO: SPEEDY GONZALES IN MEXICO He is part of some sort of welcoming committee. SPEEDY Welcome to Mexico, senior. ANGLE ON ELVIS dressed as a tourist with a sombrero. ELVIS Thank you, thank you very much. WIDER Speedy recognizes him. SPEEDY Say, aren't you- ELVIS No, man, you must be thinking of someone else. I, uh, gotta be going. Elvis quickly leaves. Speedy shrugs at CAMERA. WIPE TO: BUSTER AND PLUCKY AT PLUCKY'S HOUSE They sit battered and bruised on Plucky's couch. BUSTER (mocking) We'll just sneak right in. No one will know. PLUCKY Well, it worked in the game. He holds up the box for a video game. PLUCKY (CONT) Montana Max's Mechanical Mayhem by Khomeini. Buster grabs it off of him and tosses it away. BUSTER Give me that. It's not supposed to be out until after this show is over. ON PLUCKY He sulks for a moment, then picks up an envelope off on the end table beside the couch. ON BUSTER He does the exact same thing. Sulking first, then getting an envelope from the end table on his side of the couch. ON PLUCKY reading the letter. ON BUSTER reading the letter. BUSTER AND PLUCKY simultaneously, they look up and say: BUSTER AND PLUCKY Crew de sanitation? They look at each other and figure out BUSTER AND PLUCKY Sanitation crew! We're there! They dart outside OS leaving the letters to float to the ground. WIPE TO: BABS AT HOME She is reading her letter. BABS Crew de sanitation? EXT. BURROW BABS (OS) Oh, I'm on my way. WIPE TO: GOGO IN WACKYLAND He sits watching television. ANGLE BEHIND GOGO Over his shoulder we can see what's on the TV screen. It shows the same scene we're seeing; Gogo watching television. On that TV screen is another image of Gogo watching television, etc. ANGLE ON MAILBOX Nearby, an animate mailbox bounces up to Gogo. MAILBOX Special delivery. It sticks out its tongue which has an envelope on it. Gogo takes the envelope and looks around. GOGO Now, if I only had a letter opener. ON LETTER OPENER An animate letter opener with arms is busy prying the top off of a letter "E" when it hears Gogo call. It bounces into the air. ON GOGO He raises his hand and catches the opener as if someone has just tossed him a sword. With one quick swipe he open the envelope and tosses the opener away. ON OPENER spinning like a dagger through the air. It lands directly on a bulls eye splitting an existing arrow in the process as in Robin Hood. ON GOGO GOGO Just a little thing I do. He precedes to read the letter mumbling aloud. GOGO ...help us...tonight...Looniversity ...crew...Free kielbasa for all. (to CAMERA) Just kidding about that last part. WIDER Gogo is surrounded by Wackyland natives who are anxiously carrying forks and knives. They get let down. ALL Aaaawwww. ON GOGO He ponders the situation. GOGO I don't know. Those machines are a real hoot. ANGLE ON A HUGE MAGNET with a half dozen robots stuck to it some trying unsuccessfully to escape the magnetic field. GOGO decides to go along with it. GOGO What the hay. WIPE TO: FOWLMOUTH AT HOME He is also reading one of these letters. When he finishes, he crushes it in his fist. FOWLMOUTH You dad gum bet I'll be there! WIDER We see that the wall behind Fowlmouth has a giant hole in it in the shape of a robot. WIPE TO: DIZZY DEVIL He heads inside his cave. INT. CAVE - ROBOT picking up things strewn about the cave and placing them in a garbage bag. Mainly the items on the floor are things like pizza boxes or half-eaten cupcakes of hoagies. DIZZY sees what's going on and tries to stop it. DIZZY That not garbage. That Dizzy dinner. WIDER the robot continues to pick things up oblivious to the devil's pleas. DIZZY Stop! Stop! Stop! You make cave clean! Dizzy follows the robot around. Every time it drops an item in the bag, he reaches in and throws it back on the floor. Their speed increases until they're nothing but a blur flying around the inside of the cave. When it stops, we see that Dizzy has lost and the cave is relatively neat. ANGLE ON DIZZY He gives up and plops on the couch. Quickly he reaches between the cushions and pulls out a pretzel CLOSE ON PRETZEL accent it as if it were a treasurous find. WIDER the robot snatches this out of his hand and also drops it in the bag. DIZZY #@$@%@&!!!!!!!!!! Furious, Dizzy kicks into whirlwind mode and aims to destroy this machine. SFX: CLANG But, he bounces right off and falls to the floor. CLOSE ON DIZZY Trying to shake off the bleariness, Dizzy uses a table to get back to his feet. Without thinking, he has picked up an envelope off of the table. He realizes it's in his hand so he opens it, reads it, and eats it. With renewed vigor, he spins off. EXT. CAVE - WIDE SHOT Dizzy spins off down a path. DIZZY - WOODS He spins through rocks and trees. DIZZY - ROAD He spins through telephone poles and mailboxes. DIZZY - EXT. ACME LOO. He spins through the front wall and through the doors. AUDITORIUM This is a large public speaking room inside the Looniversity. The audience is filled with onlookers, some familiar - some not, all are upset about the robot situation (Everyone except Max, Arnold, and Hamton). On the stage, behind a podium, is Babs Bunny. She is in the middle of a speech. During this, Dizzy breaks through the side doorway close to the stage. Buster runs over and they whisper to each other. BABS ...for the good of all of us. All we have to do is unite. Thank You. As Babs exits the stage, Buster runs on up to the podium. BUSTER And now, I understand that Dizzy Devil has a few words to say. Come on up, Diz. AUDIENCE SHOT DIZZY walks from the doorway, up the side aisle, and toward the stage. DIZZY goes on stage behind the podium. He taps the microphone and clears his throat. Then, he goes into a powerful, lengthy speech that makes no sense. DIZZY A@N%$$X) ^O~~%$@!%^ $$#@!$^& &B$%*^!!# %(+^$!!! ANGLE ON FOWLMOUTH seated in the audience. He is moved by the speech. Wiping away a tear, he softly says over Dizzy's voice: DIZZY (CONT) (OS) @*&#()#T@$^!@ $@#%& $#@!$. FOWLMOUTH You tell 'em, man! ANGLE BEHIND DIZZY DIZZY (CONT) $%X@&$-~`@% *$*@!%#^ $%&#%#@ @@&*%#M%#$M%@% &##!%^)%#!!? PAN ACROSS the very emotionally moved audience while Dizzy speaks. ON DIZZY He finishes by sticking out his tongue. DIZZY $r@!&(($+=~@% Spbbbt! STOCK FOOTAGE - LIVE ACTION STANDING OVATION ANGLE ON STAGE We still hear the crowd cheering. BUSTER comes out very choked up. He shakes Dizzy's hand and embraces him. BUSTER Well said, my friend. Well said. Buster walks Dizzy off of the stage and returns with Plucky. They both take their place behind the podium. PLUCKY (leaning into microphone) Hello? SFX: MASSIVE FEEDBACK ANGLE ON ELMYRA AND MARY MELODY IN CROWD They hold their ears. ON STAGE Buster stands back to let Plucky speak although his facial expressions clearly show his opinion. PLUCKY As you know by now, Buster and myself have personally tried to thwart Montana Max's scheme. We did so with minimal success even though I used my massive strength and intelligence to break through the enemy lines. ANGLE ON SHIRLEY AND FIFI IN CROWD They giggle and mock Plucky's comments. ON STAGE Buster doesn't think much of Plucky's speech so he intervenes. BUSTER However, it was at this point when we ran into some trouble. PLUCKY Trouble, ha! Some big dumb dog, Nothing but an overstuffed bully. Buster begins to shake with fear because he sees ARNOLD AT BACK DOORWAY Arnold looks very angry. ANGLE ON STAGE PLUCKY (CONT) He wasn't so tough. In fact, I wish he was here now. I'd give him what-for. Quivering, Buster taps Plucky on the shoulder and points. He gets him to look back there. PLUCKY Aaaaaagh! ANGLE ON BABS IN CROWD BABS There's way too much screaming in this episode. ARNOLD AT BACK DOORWAY The crowd watches in terror as he makes his way to the stage. ON STAGE Instead of using the side stairs, Arnold jumps right onto the stage. As Arnold approaches, Buster and Plucky cower and try to hide behind each other. Arnold reaches as if he is going to grab them but rips the microphone off of the podium instead and turns his attention toward the crowd. ARNOLD The scrawny green bird is right, ya. If we all work together, we can crush the rich boy. I will show you the way to get inside the house. Are you with me? No response from the audience, so Arnold emphatically pounds on the podium, crushing it into splinters. ARNOLD (yelling) Are you with me?!?!? ON ENTIRE CROWD They CHEER like there's no tomorrow. Or rather that there's a better tomorrow. ON WACKLANDERS ON CROWD They bounce around like maniacs. (Big surprise) ON STAGE Smiling, Arnold hands the microphone to Buster and pats him and Plucky on the back in friendship. They grimace in pain. We hear that the crowd is going wild. BUSTER Ya hear that. With the big guy on our side, we can't lose! The three head off of the stage and stand in front of that side doorway. BUSTER (CONT) So what do you say we get out there and take Max and his machines down as a team. The CROWD, going wild, run over Buster, Plucky, and Arnold in haste to rally outside. EXT. LOONIVERSITY Outside the group heads off to the mansion. Many carry torches, all mean business. CUT TO: SUBURBS The robot squad is patrolling the streets and yards doing their daily work. One pair of cybersanitators collides and falls to the ground. INT. HAMTON'S HOUSE - HAMTON SEATED Hamton is relaxing at home, reading the newspaper and snacking on chips. He seems completely unaware of the LINE OF ROBOTS that suddenly marches THRU SHOT behind him and then, seconds later, back in front of him. HAMTON (to himself) I don't know why everyone makes such a fuss about the robot crew. They're so neat. Every day they take out the garbage for me. Hamton folds of the paper. HAMTON (CONT) It saves so much time. I don't have to worry about - Aaaiiiiee! CAMERA ON CARPET - FOOTPRINTS PAN ACROSS the carpet showing a long line of muddy footprints in an otherwise clean home. CLOSE ON HAMTON This causes him to experience sheer terror. CLOSE ON FOOTPRINTS CLOSER ON HAMTON EXT. HAMTON'S HOUSE HAMTON (OS) (bloodcurdling scream) QUICK FADE OUT END OF ACT FOUR Tiny Toon Adventures "Mayhem" Act Five (of Six) By: Steve Allen Richards cawdor@sgi.net Standard disclaimer: My story & Warner Brothers' characters. ©1995 ACT FIVE FADE IN: HAMTON IN HOUSE He is still standing in total shock because of the ANGLE ON FLOOR muddy footprints. TRUCK IN CLOSER and UNFOCUS. HAMTON slowly starts to boil with rage. He turns red, his teeth grit, and he starts to sweat. His brows come down forming his eyes into a glistening point. Steam comes out of his ears. HAMTON Now, it's personal. Hamton storms off toward a closet. HAMTON'S POV TRUCKING IN to the closet door. DARK INT. CLOSET The door swings out, and through the backlight, we see the shadow of Hamton. FADE TO: HAMTON grabbing a pump shotgun. FADE TO: AN UZI in Hamton's hand. He pops in a clip. FADE TO: HAMTON'S BACK where he places what looks like a "Laser Tag" gun. FADE TO: HAMTON'S LEG He is strapping on a small pistol. FADE TO: HAMTON'S WAIST He clips on a belt buckle engraved with "Born To Be Clean" FADE TO: A FLAMETHROWER on the floor by Hamton's feet. FADE TO: HAMTON strapping strips of soap bars across his chest. FADE TO: BACK VIEW OF HAMTON He puts on a Roman gladiator helmet (like Marvin has). HAMTON Time to clean up this town. CUT TO: THE ENTIRE GROUP outside in the street marching past Hamton's house. They gasp, stop and stare at HAMTON Hamton comes out of his house ready for battle. He looks as ridiculous as he does dangerous. He holds the flamethrower in his left hand and a pistol in his right. He's got the gladiator helmet, strips of soap bars, and several washcloths draped over the belt around his waist. PLUCKY AND HAMTON Plucky looks over Hamton in disbelief, but he thinks it's great. HAMTON Hi, gang. Mind if I help take care of those robots? PLUCKY Take care of them? You're gonna annihilate them! Hamton looks at himself. He doesn't understand. HAMTON What, with this? He points the pistol at Plucky's face and fires a jet of water. PLUCKY wipes his face off. PLUCKY Squirt guns? What good are those going to do? HAMTON shrugs. HAMTON It was easier than carrying buckets of water. I said I would clean up this town. BUSTER happily looks over the situation. He motions for Hamton to join them. BUSTER Okay, crew, move out! THE ENTIRE GROUP goes onward to the mansion. (NOTE: PREVAILING THEME FOR ANY GROUP ACTIONS: "LIGHT CAVALRY". ALSO, THE GROUP WILL BE REFERRED TO AS CAVALRY.) CUT TO: MONTANA MAX is sitting at the control panel with the instruction manual in his hands. After trying to operate some of these controls, he gets frustrated. MAX (yells) I can't figure this thing out. Groveley! Get me a drink! A ROBOT appears holding a beverage in a glass on a tray. Max grabs it and CLOSER ON MAX gulps it down before realizing what happened. He drops the glass. WIDER The robot stands motionless holding the empty tray. Max glares at him. MAX Who are you...and where's my butler? He stands and circles around the robot looking at it with question. One last look at the instructions and he throws it on the floor. As he leaves the room, he kicks the control panel in disgust. MAX - UPSTAIRS HALL As Max goes down the hallway, he notices the number of robots standing around. MAX What are you all doing in my house? Don't you have garbage to pick up? He opens one of the hall doors and looks inside. SITTING ROOM with several robots just standing around. MAX opens another door. KITCHEN A lone robot is emptying the kitchen trash can onto the floor. MAX quietly closes the door. MAX It appears that I'm losing control. A caption flashes on SCREEN: "BLATANT PLOT EXPLANATION" IRIS OUT FADE IN ON: THE CALVARY With Arnold in the lead, they have come to the outskirts of the mansion. ARNOLD You must walk very quietly. ON ARNOLD He walks stealthily and takes a big step over something. A beat later, we hear numerous OOFS and OUCHES. Then, Arnold says ARNOLD And watch out for the booby traps. ANGLE ON LINE OF FALLEN TOONS Fading away from CAMERA: Buster, Babs, Plucky, Hamton (ridiculously dressed), and Furrball. ALL Now he tells us. BUSTER AND BABS get up and clean themselves off. Something OS catches Babs' attention. BABS I'm going to grab a can of soda pop. You want any? BUSTER No thanks, I'm fine. BABS walks up to a motionless robot and deposits some change in its torso. When nothing happens she starts to pound on it with her fists. BUSTER comes INTO SCENE. BUSTER What are you doing? BABS The stupid thing took my money and didn't give me the goods. Buster asses the situation for a moment. He gives the machine a good kick. BUSTER There you go. A panel in the robot slides open and a can of "Acme Fizz" comes out. Babs grabs it and they join back with THE CALVARY gathered around ARNOLD and SHIRLEY. TRUCK IN to them. ARNOLD Listen to me my weakling friends; SFX: CAN OPENING. Arnold stops talking and gets angry. PLUCKY (OS) Hey, give me some of that. BABS (OS) Get your own. ARNOLD Do you mind? (waits) ARNOLD (CONT) The crazy loon bird tells me that Max controls the garbage carts from somewhere in the basement. SHIRLEY So, if we like take control, there's nothing he can do. ANGLE ON ARNOLD ARNOLD Ya, und zen ve vill be fine und dandy. Arnold pulls out a blueprint of the mansion and displays it for the cavalry. ARNOLD (CONT) Now, here's the plan. ON HAMTON somewhere in the group. As he sneaks off, Arnold's voice fades out. ARNOLD (OS) These are all the basement windows. Do not trip the alarm systems that are hooked up to them. Here is the rear entrance used only by... Hamton goes up to the motionless robot, removes his shotgun, and blasts water onto the robot's feet. He pulls the crest off of his helmet and a bar of soap off of his chest and starts to scrub. Pulling a towel out from his belt, he dries the feet until CLOSE ON FEET they sparkle. HAMTON moves on to another one. After dousing it with water, it starts to move. Hamton is shocked but the robot ignores him and heads toward the mansion. HAMTON Strange... ANGLE ON ARNOLD still lecturing the cavalry. ARNOLD ...six million volts, enough to turn you into little dusty subatomic particle pieces. HAMTON (OS) What about the robots? ANGLE ON HAMTON He has rejoined the group. HAMTON (CONT) What if they attack us? ANGLE ON ARNOLD ARNOLD Don't be silly. They never even- He is cut off by Max's scream. ON MAX He is running for his life away from the mansion and toward the cavalry. MAX (screams) ON PLUCKY AND BABS in the group. They react to Max's scream. PLUCKY There sure is a lot of screaming in this show. BABS I believe I already mentioned that. PLUCKY Well, it's the truth. MAX runs to ARNOLD and BUSTER in front of the cavalry and falls to his knees. Hysterically, he pleads to them. MAX Ya gotta help me. I can't stop them. They took over. They're after me. BUSTER Hey, hey, hey, slow down. What's going on? MAX The robots, they took over their own controls. There's nothing I can do. Please, you gotta help me! With one hand, Arnold picks him up by the collar. ARNOLD I will help you, whimpy nothing, but only 'cause I'm a nice guy. Remember that. He turns Max upside down and drops him on his head.. ANGLE OVER MAX Max is on the ground (f.g.). He is facing Arnold and Buster. Between them comes a robot (b.g.). (OBVIOUS NOTE: THE ROBOTS ARE NO LONGER IDLE) MAX Lookout! I told you! THE ROBOT reaches for them but is knocked over by a cheap airplane that zooms INTO SCENE. When the smoke clears, we see CALAMITY standing atop the remains of the robot and plane. Angrily, he darts toward Max, but Buster holds him back. BUSTER Hold on there. I think we have bigger problems to deal with. ON FIFI PLUCKY AND MAX Fifi chuckles at Max and he shrugs. FIFI 'Stinks to be you. MAX Go figure. PLUCKY Wait, you said those machines control themselves? Max feels safer now so he's not as nice. MAX Yeah, what's it to you? ON PLUCKY He ponders this fact and goes over to SHIRLEY who is meditating. SHIRLEY Ohhhhm... Plucky shakes her out of the trance. PLUCKY Hey, Shirl, SHIRLEY What is it, duck dork? PLUCKY Remember you said that (Shirley's voice) Monty is the enemy and not the robots. She is intruded by Plucky's presence and is not going to like anything he has to say. Plucky knows this and tries to speak carefully without offending her. PLUCKY Well, um, I was just curious. Monty's right there and he says that he, um, doesn't have control anymore, and, uh... ON SHIRLEY She tightly closes her eyes for a beat. They snap open in alarm. SHIRLEY (calling to all) I'd get ready if I were you! Here they come. ANGLE ON MANSION A wave of robots pour out with intent to harm. ON BUSTER AND BABS Buster puts his hands on his hips. BUSTER It's morphin' time! BABS That's not your line. Buster squints in the direction of CAMERA. BUSTER Oh, sorry...Battle stations, everyone. (to Babs) I still don't think that's right. ANGLE ON SNEEZER behind the scenes standing between a camera and a spotlight. He looks at the "Battle stations, everyone" cue card that he is holding. SNEEZER It's not my fault. (adds) This is my only scene. ARNOLD is surrounded by three robots. He punches the first robot in the chest area with little effect. CLANG! ARNOLD Ow. He punches the second one. CLANG! ARNOLD Ow. He punches the third one. CLANG! ARNOLD Ow. He punches the first one. CLANG! ARNOLD Ow. He punches the second one. CLANG! ARNOLD Ow. DIZZY spins and bounces off a robot. The robot is no more staggered than Dizzy, so he spins into it again with little effect. Fed up, he yells very loud. DIZZY @@#$!*&*@^$^**&@!!!!!!! He opens his mouth about five feet high and eats the robot whole. DIZZY Why me not think of before. High in iron. Dizzy walks off, his lumpy belly dragging on the ground. SFX: TIN CANS RATTLING ANGLE ON CALAMITY He is rapidly flipping through pages in a book when a robot grabs him from behind. FURRBALL swings INTO SCENE on a rope and floors the robot. Happily, Calamity shakes his hand. ON HAMTON Hamton is going nuts with the flamethrower-sized squirt gun. It shoots water like a fire hose. Though he can't control it, he manages to get a few shots at oncoming robots' heads causing them to short circuit. Hamton inadvertently fires off the side of SCREEN. PLUCKY is confronting a robot with various karate stances. Suddenly, the jet of water rushes in and blows him OS. ANGLE ON MANSION Another wave of robots comes out. ON MAX He has gotten hold of a cannon which he uses to launch giant moneybags at the ONCOMING ROBOTS The bag floors many of them. ANGLE ON SHIRLEY in lotus position. She rises off of the ground and is surrounded by the shield of her aura. A robot charges at her but is knocked cold when it hits the shield. ANGLE ON THREE GOGOS AND THREE ROBOTS All of the Gogos bonk themselves with a mallet and split in two. Now, there are six Gogos. The robots whack themselves with mallets, but instead of splitting, they shatter. ON FIFI She is about to be sandwiched by two robots. She emits a "skunk smokescreen" which obliterates the robots and her. We see Fifi jump out of the cloud. SFX: CRASH When the cloud clears, the robots are nothing but a pile of parts. ON BUSTER He WHISTLES to attract the attention of two robots. THE ROBOTS see him and charge. Right before getting him, they trip and fall. WIDER The robots have fallen over the tripwire. Buster laughs at them and hops on their heads. BUSTER Invigorating, isn't it? ON HAMTON still firing the gun out of control. A wet PLUCKY comes up to him. PLUCKY Gimmie that. Plucky snatches the gun off of him but can control it no better. ON MARY MELODY Frightened, she is cautiously backing away from an approaching robot. She seems helpless but, at the last minute, pulls out a huge mallet and flattens the robot. She shrugs to CAMERA. ON BABS about to be pounced on by one of the robots. BABS (sultry) Hiya there, tall, dark, and mechanical. How would ya like to take me out for a night on the town? The robot makes a grab, but Babs quickly burrows into the ground. It squeezes into the hole after her. Babs emerges out of the ground somewhere else. The robot can only get its head out. BABS I guess you're more of a sports guy, huh? With that, the legged FOOTBALL from Wackyland sprints INTO SCENE and winds up to punt the robot's exposed head. CLOSE ON BABS She flinches when she hears the kick, then watches with anticipation... BABS It's good! CUT TO: SYLVESTER IN ANNOUNCER'S BOOTH sportscasting as in "The Acme Bowl". SYLVESTER Acme wins. Acme wins. Acme wins the Acme Bowl! CUT BACK: A ROBOT is running away in terror. WIDER ELMYRA is chasing him. ON ARNOLD There is a heap of mangled robots on the ground. Arnold is battling two more. His hands are now red. He punches the first one. ARNOLD Ow. He punches the second one. CLANG! ARNOLD Ow. He punches the first one. CLANG! ARNOLD Ow. ANGLE ON BYRON BASSET Though we haven't seen him before, Byron lies sleeping in the middle of the lawn while the rest of the Toonsters battle it out. ANGLE ON MANSION Even more robots come out. BUSTER sees this. BUSTER Oh, man, this is chaos. We can't possibly beat all these. CALAMITY leans INTO SCENE and grabs Buster by the arm. He pulls him OS. ON DIZZY who is bloated and groggy. DIZZY BURP! ON MAX He fires his last moneybag and runs away. ON ARNOLD, BUSTER, AND CALAMITY Arnold is rubbing his swollen knuckles. Buster excitedly tells him of a new idea. BUSTER We can't hold out much longer. Calamity, here has an idea. He whispers in Arnold's ear. ON PLUCKY AND HAMTON They each hold a squirt gun and both go empty. In desperation, they start heaving bars of soap. ON ARNOLD, BUSTER, AND CALAMITY Arnold seems to like the idea. ARNOLD Ya, that's good. I can help you there. BUSTER Yeah, but we need a diversion to get out of here. CLOSE ON BUSTER GOGO pops up out of Buster's shirt. GOGO No problem. Leave it to us. WIPE TO: DARK PART OF MANSION YARD SFX: DRUM ROLL. SPOTLIGHT LIGHTS UP ON: GOGO dressed as a ringmaster. GOGO Ladies and gentlemen and big useless robots lacking an intelligence. We have quite an “attraction” for you tonight. FURRBALL surrounded by robots who grab him and ignore Gogo. GOGO (OS) Will you please direct your attention to the center ring. ON GOGO Beside him, another SPOTLIGHT LIGHTS UP ON: A giant magnet. GOGO (CONT) A device whose force I'm sure you will find irresistible. THE ROBOTS HOLDING FURRBALL are sucked backwards toward the magnet. They drop Furrball. GOGO stands beside the huge magnet with dozens of robots stuck to it. GOGO Attractive, wouldn't you agree? ON FURRBALL He runs off past BUSTER and OS. BUSTER Great, let's get out of here. WIDE SHOT The cavalry makes a temporary retreat. ON FIFI AND BABS They come to the roadside first and wait for the others to catch up. A pink car stops beside them. ON ELVIS in the driver's seat of this stretched Cadillac. He looks over the top of his sunglasses. ELVIS Hey there, Momma, can I give you all a lift. WIDER FIFI Merci, merci! BABS Yeah, thanks a lot. Babs motions for the rest of the cavalry to join. The group stampedes INTO SCENE and piles in the car. FRONT SEAT BABS, BUSTER, CALAMITY, and ELVIS. The rest are somewhere behind them. ELVIS Where to, Man? Calamity points out the direction. BACK VIEW OF CAR with huge fins and "THE KING" license plate. BUSTER (OS) You're a real lifesaver, Mister King, sir. ELVIS (OS) Shoot, don't mention it. The car pulls away. BUSTER (OS) By the way, nice suit! IRIS OUT END OF ACT FIVE Tiny Toon Adventures "Mayhem" Act Six (of Six) By: Steve Allen Richards cawdor@sgi.net Standard disclaimer: My story & Warner Brothers' characters. ©1995 ACT SIX FADE IN: EXT. CALAMITY'S SHACK Elvis' stretched pink Cadillac is parked out front. HAMTON is scrubbing the wheels and badgering ELVIS with useless information. Many of the other Tiny Toons are nearby in small groups, talking amongst themselves. CLOSER ON HAMTON AND ELVIS Hamton works on the tire whitewalls and Elvis grows bored. HAMTON I always recommend using a steel wool pad with the detergents already added as they tend to be the most effective. When mixing your own cleansers for surfaces like this, bleach will always be an adequate solvent, however, you really should avoid vinegar. Vinegar solutions should only be used on glass surfaces. ELVIS Yeah, that's great, Man. I'll tell you what, you just keep brushin' away. I gotta get movin' along now so maybe I'll y’all later. Elvis walks OS. Hamton jumps to his feet. HAMTON What about your car? ELVIS (OS) Hey, I could use some exercise. ON ELVIS, FIFI, AND SHIRLEY Elvis touches Fifi on the cheek as he walks past them and OS. ELVIS (CONT) I'll just let this little lady keep it. Fifi stands speechless in shock and gratitude. Shirley is impressed as well. However, Fifi realizes something. FIFI (quietly) But, I already have one. SHIRLEY Can I have it then? FIFI You can't even drive. ON ELVIS He is merrily walking off into the distance. CUT TO: INT. CALAMITY'S LAB PAN ACROSS this room. Various components lie strewn about the floor and on tables. Strategic blueprints are tacked to the wall. Last, we come to a picture of Little Beeper with the words "I'll get you yet!!" scrawled on it. ON BUSTER AT DOOR He is peering into the window. Excited, he rushes over to ARNOLD and BABS. BUSTER He's done. Here he comes. BACK ON DOOR Calamity (in lab coat) comes through, stops, and grins at his compadres. He pulls a nearby lever. ANGLE ON STEEL PANEL somewhere directly in front of Arnold, Buster, and Babs. The panel slides open and tons of steam pours out. ARNOLD, BUSTER, AND BABS gasp at first, but then grin with pride in achievement. Arnold points and starts off a bout of bickering. ARNOLD That one is the cute one, ya. BUSTER No, no, I'd have to say that the one in the middle is the best looking. BABS Uh-uh, you're both wrong, the best looking one it that one on the end. ANGLE ON THREE CYBORGS The panel has slid away and the steam is clear revealing three cyborgs standing in the chamber. All of them are the size and shape of Arnold's body. One has Buster's head and another has Babs' head. The first one looks exactly like Arnold except for its steel gray color. BUSTER (OS) No way, it's got to be that one right there. ARNOLD (OS) Wrong, it's that one, I'm telling you. ON CALAMITY frowning at the Toons' arguing. BABS (OS) You can't be serious. It's obviously that one. ARNOLD (OS) How can you say that? Just look at the one on this end. ON THREE CYBORGS They speak in their representative character voices but with Arnold's accent. They are also more complimentary then their Toon models. BUSTER-CYBORG (to ARNOLD-CYBORG) Well, you're looking very good I must say. ARNOLD-CYBORG Thank you, you look quite massive yourself. (to BABS-CYBORG) You've got the great look as well. BABS-CYBORG Ya, but I only look as good as the two of you. They emerge from the chamber and come face to face with ARNOLD, BUSTER, AND BABS who gawk back at them. Suddenly, the cyborgs embrace them. SIMULTANEOUS DIALOGUE: ARNOLD-CYBORG BUSTER-CYBORG Daddy! BABS-CYBORG Mommy! BABS We've created three monsters. ANGLE ON GOSSAMER, HUGO, AND MELVIN Gossamer (from the LT "Hair-Raising Hare"), Hugo (from the LT "The Abominable Snow Rabbit), and Melvin (from the TTA "Hare-Raising Night) are standing in another part of the laboratory. THREE MONSTERS Aw, c'mon guys, give us a chance. WIPE TO: EXT. CALAMITY'S SHACK - MONTANA MAX Max is sitting on a rock pouring his heart out in an emotionally charged monologue to someone OS. MAX It was supposed to be so simple. I don't know what went wrong. Max is getting choked up. MAX (CONT) Now, they've taken over my home (sob) and (sob) I can't even do anything! (sob) Do you understand how I feel? WIDER Max is sitting next to and has been talking to DIZZY. Dizzy has been looking at his own toes. Surprised at the sudden silence, he looks up at Max, then all around, then back at Max. DIZZY You say something to me? Max just growls to himself. ON BUSTER coming out of Calamity's front door. He steps aside and is waiting for the cyborgs to come out. BUSTER (announces to everyone) I would like to proudly present our own answer to the mechanical warfare. Loyal, powerful, intelligent,- Just then the THREE CYBORGS, instead of walking through the doorway one at a time, come through side by side, busting out the wall around the doorjamb. BUSTER Never mind. Let's roll. EVERYONE piles back into the car. BABS Hey, where's the King? ON SHIRLEY, FIFI AND PLUCKY in the front seat. Shirley is behind the wheel adjusting the mirrors. SHIRLEY Do you really want to know? She pulls out her crystal ball. Fifi pushes it away. FIFI Don't bother with that. Tell moi how you plan on driving this thing. SHIRLEY Drive? PULL BACK until the front of the car is in SCENE. SHIRLEY (CONT) I don't need to drive. Shirley goes into a trance again. While she is concentrating, the car levitates off the ground and spins a full 180 degrees (DIZZY looks out of the side of the floating, spinning car with confusion) so it is now facing away from CAMERA. The car takes off at an incredibly fast speed. ANGLE ON PLUCKY His face is warped as if they were moving at Mach Ten. WIDER We see that the car is stopped and Shirley is staring at him. SHIRLEY Oh, that's enough. We're already there. CALAMITY, BUSTER, AND BABS get out of the car. Calamity is holding a lever device that resembles a manual transmission shifter. BABS The little guy has something that will solve all of our problems. BUSTER The answers to tonight's homework? Calamity holds up a sign reading "NO, THIS!" and hands Buster the lever. Buster examines it. BUSTER So, what we have to do is get this attached to the master control in the basement, right? BABS How did you know that? BUSTER I read the script. CLOSE ON BUSTER Buster begins to give the orders to everybody. BUSTER Our mission is to make a safe passage into the basement so someone can hook this up. He refers to the lever and tosses it back over to CALAMITY who is barely able to catch it. WIDE SHOT ON GROUP They organize themselves as Buster tells them to. BUSTER I need one group to go into the front door. One to go in the back, and one to follow when the coast is clear. (He thoughtfully adds) I also need someone to get us all some pizza. ANGLE ON FIRST GROUP BABS-CYBORG stand in front with many other characters behind it including, but not limited to: BABS, SHIRLEY, FIFI, and ELMYRA. PAN OVER to the second group: the BUSTER-CYBORG, MONTANA MAX, PLUCKY, and HAMTON. PAN OVER to the third group. ARNOLD-CYBORG stands next to ARNOLD, CALAMITY, and FURRBALL. Lastly, PAN OVER to DIZZY who goes off in search of pizza. ON BUSTER AND GOGO Gogo is lying in a chaise lounge and reading a book. BUSTER You sure you'll be all right? WIDER bring the magnet into view. It still has all the robots that were outside stuck onto it. GOGO Oh, I should be fine. ON BABS AND BABS-CYBORG The cyborg awaits orders. BABS We're going right in the front door. Your mission is to destroy everything. BABS' GROUP goes up to the front of the mansion. ON BABS-CYBORG AT FRONT DOOR It punches the door into rubble. ON BABS She is a little alarmed at the cyborg's actions. BABS Maybe I should have rephrased that. ON BUSTER, MAX, AND BUSTER-CYBORG Buster tells the cyborg and Max what they're supposed to do. BUSTER We're supposed to go in through the back door. (to BUSTER-CYBORG) You keep away any of those robots we find in there. (to MAX) You be sure to tell me where any of your stupid traps are. MAX Hey, piece of cake. The cyborg hands him a plate with a slice of angel's food cake on it. BUSTER'S GROUP move onward to the back of the mansion. ON ARNOLD'S GROUP Calamity nervously fingers the lever in his hand. ARNOLD As you know, our job is to enter when the coast is clear in order to protect the stick thingey. Once inside, we can go directly downstairs and finish this nonsense for good. WIPE TO: INT. MANSION - BUSTER'S GROUP They move across a large room whose floor is tiled with linoleum squares. MAX Keep going, just don't step on any of the green squares. CLOSER They tiptoe carefully around them. THE NEXT ROOM In this room they are attacked by a small group of the robots. The toons hide behind the cyborg and he takes care of the threat. ON BUSTER-CYBORG He is able to crush the attacking robots one at a time. CUT TO: ANGLE ON BABS-CYBORG She has just entered the front door of the mansion. The first thing she does is pulverize the banister that is coming off the stairs. ON SHIRLEY AND BABS Both are worried. SHIRLEY I'd keep away from that thing if I were you. Babs understands and has an idea. She leads BABS-CYBORG into the next room. WIDE SHOT IN THE NEXT ROOM This is some sort of huge ballroom with much antique furniture, chandeliers, and Gothic pillars. BABS' GROUP enters from the one side of the room. CLOSER BABS-CYBORG immediately gets to work smashing the chairs. BABS Let's get over there and lure any robots into this room. WIDE SHOT While the cyborg destroys everything, the rest or the group exits out the other side. ON GROUP They have just come through the doorway into a third room. Fifi sees something in there. FIFI Le Yipe!! She attracts the attention of the others. They all look at what's in this room and run back into the one they came from. ANGLE ON GROUP - INSIDE OF DOORWAY BABS and FIFI lie flat against the wall on one side of the doorway while SHIRLEY and ELMYRA are plastered against the wall on the other side. Through the doorway we see a group of ROBOT charging toward the room. However, they run right past the four girls and fall prey to the OS cyborg. SFX: HUGE CRASHES. Bolts and robot parts bounce onto the floor. CUT TO: ARNOLD He is waiting outside with a walkie-talkie. BUSTER (VO) (through speaker) Everything's going great. I'll let you know when it's okay to come in. ARNOLD Right, thanks. Arnold six-four, over and under. He adjusts the walkie-talkie and speaks into it again. ARNOLD Hello, Bunny party two? Can you read me? BABS (VO) (through speaker) Yeah, and don't call us that. Listen, we're having some problems with this machine. It keeps demolishing everything. ARNOLD So, what's wrong with that? ON BABS-CYBORG wrecking the room. All the robots are gone. All the furniture is smashed and it is now knocking over the pillars. BABS (OS) No, I mean everything! ANGLE ON BABS She is in the next room on the walkie-talkie. ARNOLD (VO) (through speaker) Don't worry about it. I'll talk with you later. Arnold outer and ov. As Babs puts the walkie-talkie away we all hear an ENORMOUS CRASH bigger that anything before. Dust starts to fill the room. Babs runs over to the doorway to see what is happening. ON BABS-CYBORG The cyborg is pushing over the last of the pillars causing the room to cave in onto it. ON GROUP who watch in horror. BABS Now, it looks like we're alone in here without any help. SHIRLEY We've got no help fur sure, but we're not alone. WIDER more ROBOTS are approaching them. WIPE TO ON BUSTER'S GROUP They are in the last room before reaching the basement. We can see that their cyborg has prevailed by the remnants of the robot force. They are deciding between taking the stairs or the elevator. HAMTON That should take care of enough of the robots up here. PLUCKY Now, to get rid of the rest of 'em downstairs. MAX I'm not walking down all those steps. Let's take the elevator. Buster obliges. BUSTER (to MAX) Wimp. (to BUSTER-CYBORG) If you don't mind. He motions for the cyborg to push the elevator button and he dutifully obeys. As soon as he pushes it, a giant ANVIL drops down and crushes him. BUSTER Monty!!! MAX Oops, I guess I forgot about that one. Buster takes a dive for him, but is stopped by Plucky who points at MORE ROBOTS approaching the group. ON GROUP HAMTON All this action is getting monotonous. BUSTER (yells) Retreat! They take off for outside. Buster pulls out the walkie-talkie and speaks into it while running. BUSTER (panicked) Guys, don't wait any longer. ON ARNOLD'S GROUP BUSTER (VO) There's still some left, but we need you to move in. ARNOLD Right away! He motions and, with ARNOLD-CYBORG in the lead, they run full speed toward the mansion. INT. MANSION The two GROUPS run past each other. BUSTER Watch out. ON ARNOLD-CYBORG ducking down like a football player. He runs shoulder first into the robots that were chasing Buster. He gets to the top of the steps where he meets another group of robots. ON ARNOLD, ARNOLD-CYBORG, AND CALAMITY Arnold proceeds to occupy the robot force with fisticuffs. ARNOLD I'll hold 'em back You go ahead. ON ARNOLD-CYBORG AND CALAMITY They go down the steps and are about to enter into the mansion's basement. Arnold-cyborg points into the doorway. ARNOLD-CYBORG That is what you want, ya? ANGLE ON CONTROL PANEL in the basement as seen from Calamity's POV ON ARNOLD-CYBORG AND CALAMITY As they enter into the basement, a final FOUR ROBOTS step out to stop them. Arnold-cyborg attacks. He kicks one with his right leg, but the robot is able to catch his leg. He kicks another with his left leg and is caught again. Now suspended in the air, he throws a punch at one of the remaining robots with his right hand, but it is able to catch his fist. He takes a swing at the last robot with his left hand and, sure enough, it is caught as well. So, with Arnold-cyborg hanging horizontally and the robots occupied holding him there, he orders to Calamity: ARNOLD-CYBORG Go! Calamity, with great athleticism, leaps onto Arnold-cyborg's back, runs across, and jumps off of his head. With the coyote safe, the robotic battle ensues. CALAMITY AT CONTROL PANEL He brings out the lever device that he has been carrying and attaches it onto the panel. Then, he yanks down on the handle. ON ARNOLD-CYBORG & THE FOUR ROBOTS who are beating the bolts out of him. Suddenly, they stop and vibrate out of control. An electrical field starts building around them. ZAP!, A flash of bright light, and the four robots are now four cusinarts. ON ARNOLD who is losing his battle with the robots. The same thing happens here: electric field, bright light, and the robots all transform into cusinarts. ON HUGE MAGNET outside with the robots stuck to it. Electric field, bright light, ZAP!: they're cusinarts. ON BABS' GROUP They have been captured by some robots. You guessed it: Electric field, bright light, and the robots all transform into cusinarts. ON ARNOLD-CYBORG He rises up from the floor of the basement. He looks terrible from the loose wires to his missing arm. Anyway, he congratulates CALAMITY. ARNOLD-CYBORG Ya did it! Good job. He slaps Calamity on the back and he falls over. He quickly helps him up. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. MANSION Everyone comes out to celebrate. SHIRLEY so happy to be free hugs PLUCKY...but then realizes who he is and shoves him away. BUSTER shakes CALAMITY'S hand ON ARNOLD-CYBORG AND ARNOLD They are both quite solemn. ARNOLD-CYBORG I have no place in this world. My work is done and now I must be destroyed. Arnold tries to argue. ARNOLD But can't we- ARNOLD-CYBORG No. Come... They trod OS CUT TO: INT. SOME FIRE-FILLED WAREHOUSE reminiscent of the ending of Terminator 2. ARNOLD and the mangled ARNOLD-CYBORG stand near a pit of steaming molten metal. Arnold-cyborg grabs hold of a chain suspended over the pit. ARNOLD-CYBORG I cannot self-destruct. It is up to you. Though unwilling, Arnold sorrowfully agrees. ON ARNOLD He solemnly walks over to a fuse box and pulls the lever. ON ARNOLD-CYBORG The chain he's on slowly descends into the pit. Arnold-cyborg dutifully accepts his fate. ON ARNOLD He holds back the tears. WIDE SHOT Arnold watches as Arnold-cyborg goes lower and lower. ON ARNOLD-CYBORG He looks down at the surface of the molten metal, now dangerously close, and changes his mind. ARNOLD-CYBORG I'm not going in there!!! He quickly scales up the chain. CUT BACK: ON BABS AND MONTANA MAX BABS Well, you've got your house back and I hope you learned a lesson. Max thinks for a moment. MAX Um, no. (screams at everyone) Now get out of my yard! He pushes Babs OS ON MAX AND BUSTER MAX Get out. He pushes Buster OS MAX Get out. ON MAX AND HAMTON MAX Get. Get. Get. He pushes Hamton OS ON MAX AND PLUCKY MAX Out. Out. Out. He pushes Plucky OS ON MAX AND THE MAYOR As he goes to push the mayor, the mayor stops him. MAYOR Now hold on a minute, Montana Max. Unless you forgot, you have a five year sanitation contract to live up to. Max tries to blow it off with reason. MAX Oh, that? Well, it can't be done, you see, my workers have been destroyed. MAYOR That doesn't matter to the city. MAX Yeah, well, what do you expect me to do about it? CUT TO: MAX - CITY SIDEWALK- DAY - IN FRONT OF PIZZA PARLOR A disgruntled Max is picking up litter off the sidewalk and depositing it is a bag. Behind him, we see DIZZY DEVIL through the restaurantr window chowing down. MAX just grumbles and mumbles to himself. A JOGGER runs past and throws some paper on the ground. Max yells and chases after him. MAX Hey you, get back here and pick that up. They both run past a store front. PULL BACK. The store is the "Cusinart Emporium" INT. STORE PAN ACROSS the store and its shelves full of food processors and to the salesman behind the counter. It is the ARNOLD-CYBORG repaired and wearing a suit. He is completing a sale. ARNOLD-CYBORG It's been a pleasure doing business with you. Have a nice day. ON ELVIS holding his newly purchased cusinart. ELVIS Thank you. Thank you very much. FADE OUT THE END MYSTERY CREDIT: GUY WHO LOVES TO SING "VEAL PARMESANA" KEN KATONA SIGN OFF: Montana Max comes up from the concentric circles. MAX It's over. Go away. He grabs the sides of the SCREEN and pulls the circles shut as if they were a hinged set of double doors.