--- The Toony King--- by Jon Cooke (E-mail: Speedy2345@AOL.com) We open with a shot of a crowd of the Looney Tunes and Tiny Toons characters looking up at Road Runner-style cliff scenery with Buster Bunny being presented by Wile E. Coyote to the cartoon kingdom. The adult cartoon rabbitBugs Bunny watchs proudly. Wile E. puts the baby rabbit down and slips on a rattle and falls off the cliff backwards. Everybody knew that Bugs Bunny was the most powerful cartoon character out of all the cartoon stars at Warner Brothers and that Daffy Duck was entremely jealous of this fact and wanted to get rid of Bugs! One morning..... a few years later Buster is now the age of the character we know and love from "Tiny Toon Adventures": BUSTER: "Bugs, Bugs, c'mon Bugs, wake up....Bugs....Bugs!" BUGS: "Eh, go back to sleep Buster." BUSTER: "Buuut Bugs, you promised to show me the WB cartoon studio today." BUGS: "Oh whatever, anything to make ya happy.... I'd better be gettin' paid extra for this." The two look out the window of the Warner Brothers Animation bulding where all the toons live. BUSTER: "You mean, someday I'll be the big cheese around here." BUGS: "Unless the big guys at Time/ Warner cancel your contract." BUSTER: "Gulp. Well, what about that area over there?" BUGS: "The water tower?" BUSTER: "Yeah." BUGS: "That part of the studio belongs to the... Warners." BUSTER: "Warners?" BUGS: "Yakko, Wakko, and Dot. They were so out of control the studio locked them in the water tower.... I don't want you to see you goin' over there....its too dangerous." BUSTER: "Okay." BUGS: "Well, see ya. I have to shoot some footage for a Acme Macaroni and Cheese commercial." BUSTER: "But, Bugs, the script says that you are suppossed to say a bunch of Circle of Life moral stuff." BUGS: "Oh, skip it, I have to run, um... Tazzy ol' Devil will explain it you you." TAZ: "Uggg Ahhh Blah-a-fazz-a-rackkin-frackking- raz-a brrrrr zip pppppprrrrhhhhhp!" BUSTER: "Uh......er....... thanks....for nothing!" Later: Buster knocks on Daffy's room door.... DAFFY: "Come in, I've been expecting you." BUSTER: "Really?" DAFFY: "Oh its you." BUSTER: "Who were you expecting Dave Letterman?" DAFFY: "Exactly. Well, what do you want?" BUSTER: "Bugs said that someday I'll be the studio's big star!" DAFFY: "Oh.....that's just peachy......" BUSTER: "He said that I'll be as popular as him and roam the studio as I please and....." DAFFY: "Did he mention the.... Warners?" BUSTER: "What the heck are they anyway!?" DAFFY: "Only the most popular toons know that." BUSTER: "Well, I'm popular....despite that fact that Fox is pulling my show off the air." DAFFY: "Well, I don't every want to see you going around there." BUSTER: "Oh, don't worry Daff. See ya." DAFFY: "Fool! Those Warners are so out of control they'll drive Buster Bunny off the studio lot! Gad, how do I do it? Then all the money and fame will go to ME after that dumb Bugs Bunny is gone!" Buster rushes over to Babs Bunny's room of the building and knocks on the door. Babs is talking on the phone with Harriet. BABS: "They said THAT about me!? Well, I guess my lawyer will be having a chat with those scummy Acme Gossip Magazine writers...gotta go Harriet, its me cue." BUSTER: "Babsy, what are you doing in there?" BABS: "Oh, come in." BUSTER: "I've heard about this great place?" BABS: "Palm Springs?" BUSTER: "Nope." BABS: "Hawaii?" BUSTER: "Nope." BABS: "Euro-Disney?" BUSTER: "Nope." BABS: "Then where!?!?!?!" BUSTER: "The water tower over there!" BABS: "Oh sheer joy." BUSTER: "You don't seem too intrested, but when I, Buster Bunny, find out what the Warners are I'll be even more respected!" BABS: "Yea, I've always wondered what in blazes those kids were. Let's go blue ears!" A few minutes later: BUSTER: "Here we are, the WB water tower!" BABS: "Why did that bird have to come with us?" TWEETY: "This bird has a contwact and gets good pay for cameos!" BABS: "Why don't I have a contract like that??" BUSTER: "Jealous?" BABS: "Quite." BUSTER: "Well, let's get a'climbin' and see what those critters are!" They bunny duo make it up to the top of the tower. The Warner Bros. company logo sheild door opens a little bit and Wakko pops his head out and quickly ducks back inside. WAKKO: "Yakko! Dot! We've got company!" DOT: "Is it Mel Gibson? How does my hair look?" YAKKO: "Who is it, Wakko?" WAKKO: "Hares!" DOT: "What? Are they standing up? Nothing a little Acme Hair Spray can't fix." WAKKO: "No no! Hares! Rabbits! Two of 'em outside!" YAKKO: "Is it Bugs?" WAKKO: "No!" YAKKO: "Well that really butters my bread." WAKKO: "What does?" YAKKO: "It's 'I Can't Believe its Not Butter' !" DOT: "Well, Bugs is the only bunny allowed in this tower!" YAKKO: "Yeah! Let's get those trespassers!" Meanwhile outside: BABS: "Do you think they've noticed us?" YAKKO WAKKO and DOT: "Ahh-HA!" BUSTER: "Could be....." DOT: "What will we do with them Yakko?" WAKKO: "Let's feed them to the dragon!" DOT: "What dragon?" WAKKO: "Well, lets let them watch Don Knotts movies with us!" BUSTER and BABS: "Aaaaaaaahhhhh!" YAKKO: "I'll just pop 'The Incredible Mr. Limpit' into the VCR." BUGS: "Eh, I wouldn't do that if I were you, doc." YAKKO WAKKO DOT BUSTER and BABS: "Bugs?" BUGS: "You were expecting maybe Mel Gibson?" DOT and BABS: "Exactly." YAKKO: "We've caught these stinkers, Bugs!" BUGS: "Eh, that 'stinker' is the next big-shot WB character!" YAKKO: "If he's so big why is his show going off Fox?" BUGS: "Well, yours is too!" YAKKO: "Oh...right." WAKKO: "Here you go Bugs, two bunnies to go!" BUGS: "Er..... thanks." The three rabbits climb down the ladder. BUGS: "I told you never to up there!" BUSTER: "Sorry, Bugs." BUGS: "Eh, by the way, did you ever find out what the heck they were?" BABS: "Animals with bad taste in movies." Back in the tower: YAKKO: "Boy, that was short! Some screen time this gig has gotten us." WAKKO: "Hey there's a knock at the door." YAKKO: "Well, I've had my fill of rabbits for today." WAKKO: "No, its a duck." DOT: "Everyone! Take cover! Not those Huey, Dewey, and Louie brats!" WAKKO: "No, not one of those Disney ducks, its Daffy!" DAFFY: "What are you doing?" YAKKO: "Playing Candyland wanna join?" WAKKO: "Deeee-lious!" YAKKO: "Well, never mind. Wakko, that's the eighth board you've eaten this week!" DAFFY: "NO!" YAKKO: "Don't take it so hard, Daffy, you can play with us tommorow!" DAFFY: "No! You were supposed to chase that rotten blue bunny off the lot!" YAKKO: "When did we add that to the script?" DAFFY: "Last Tuesday." YAKKO: "You just HAD to see 'Batman Forever' didn't you?" DOT: "What can I say, I have a weak spot for Tommy Lee Jones." DAFFY: "Come on! I will become the most popular star for this studio!" WAKKO: "But what about Bugs? How are you gonna get rid of him?" DAFFY: "Oh, I have a plan." We join the Warners and Daffy in a corner at the studio lot. DAFFY: "Now you know what to do!" YAKKO: "Yes, we wait for the signal and then make IT happen!" DAFFY: "Now don't mess up!" Daffy is talking to Buster in the bulding. DAFFY: "Oh, Buster.... Buster...oh friend, oh pal, oh buddy." BUSTER: "What?" DAFFY: "Come with me!" The two head outside. BUSTER: "What's the deal?" DAFFY: "You stand here and don't move and I'll go over here for safety.....er...... to get Bugs... Why don't you practice your 'What's up doc's." BUSTER: "Whatever. Ehhhh, what's up doc? What's up doc?" Daffy signals the Warners YAKKO: "There's the signal siblings." WAKKO: "Let's go." YAKKO: "Hey! Isn't that Steven Speilberg over there??" DOT: "I hear he's casting for a new TV series!" PEOPLE: "Speilberg!" A stampede of actors rush to where the Warners point right to where Buster is! BUSTER: "What's up doc? What's up d..... Huh?" In the building: BUGS: "Odd, the bad actors are on the move." DAFFY: "Bugs! Stampede! On the studio lot! Buster's down there!" BUGS: "Buster?" Back outside: BUSTER: "Help!" BUGS: "Hold on, Buster!" Bugs Bunny runs down into the crowd and grabs Buster and brings him to safety. Bugs grabs onto the Acme Labs background to a Pinky and the Brain cartoon for safety. Daffy is standing there. BUGS: "Daffy! Save me!" Daffy steps on Bugs' fingers and Bugs drops down into the stampede. DAFFY: "Oooops." A few minutes later Buster rushes down to the body of Bugs laying with stars circling its head on the ground. BUSTER: "Bugs? Bugs? Speak to me!" DAFFY: "Oh No! Buster what have you done?? What will Mister Plotz the C.E.O. say when he finds out that you killed their most beloved and merchandisable cartoon star!" BUSTER: "I.....I didn't mean too!" DAFFY: "Run away, Buster, and never come back." Buster does. DAFFY: "Woo-woo. What luck!" BUGS: "Who? What? Where am I?" DAFFY: "Hi, Bugsy. I'll just be putting you away for awhile." BUGS: "What?" Daffy ties up Bugs and tosses him into the water tower. DAFFY: "Here he is, kids! Enjoy!" WAKKO: "You're just in time, Bugs, we're watching Don Knotts videos!" BUGS: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" Daffy shuts the tower door. DAFFY: "Now I shall get the respect that is rightfully MINE! MINE! MINE!" While all this has happened Buster has come across a beat-up shack on the Warner Lot. He walks in and is greeted by a dark shadowy figure. BUSTER: "W-who are you?" SHADOWY FIGURE: "Oh, please don't tell me you don't remember ME?" BUSTER: "Barky Marky?" BARKY: "Correct." BUSTER: "I've always wondered what happened to you...and I didn't know you could talk!" BARKY: "Well, after only one short and a bunch of short cameos, I came here." BUSTER: "Where's 'here'"? BARKY: "This is where all the forgotten characters go... there's Hippety Hopper the baby kangaroo from the old Sylvester and Son cartoons, Gossamer the hair monster, Rocky and Mugsy from the Bugs Bunny gangster shorts....." MUGSY: "Duh, look Rocky, a rabbit!" ROCKY: "Shad ap, Mugsy!" BARKY: "..... the cast of the Cosby Show, and me. Don't tell me YOU'RE forgotten now!" BUSTER: "Yes." BARKY: "Pity." A week passes and Buster has lived with the forgotten characters all this time... and one day while he and Barky are searching for food something happens....... BUSTER: "Geeez, I haven't had a good carrot in........about a week!" BARKY: "Hey, Buster, here's one!" BABS: "Hey! Huh? Get away you stupid dog! That's MY carrot!" Babs chases Barky Marky and runs into Buster. BUSTER: "Babs?" BABS: "Buster?" BUSTER: "Hee-hee, no realation." BABS: "You've been living here all this time?" BUSTER: "Yeah." BABS: "Daffy is now that big Warner toon and he's done lots of awful things! He has made sure the he is the only Looney Tunes character on ANY product!" BUSTER: "He can't do that!" BABS: "Well, you've got to head back and fix things up!" BUSTER: "What about Bugs?" BABS: "Two words: Don Knotts." BUSTER: "Not....gulp.....the Warners!" BABS: "Uh-huh." BUSTER: "Let's go, Barbera Ann!" BABS: "Don't call me that!" BUSTER: "Gosh, its amzing what can happen in one week, isn't it?" BABS: "Oh, do you want to take what-his-name with us?" BARKY: "The name's Barky Marky, remember!?." BABS: "Uh..yea.." BUSTER: "No, he's had more than enough screen time already." BARKY: "Gee, thanks for the help you scene-stealing rodent!!!!!" Buster and Babs head back to the Warner animation building and see it is now called Daffy Duck's Animation Company and pictures of Daffy were everywhere. BUSTER: "I feel ill." BABS: "Look! Over there!" BUSTER: "Stop, Daffy!" DAFFY: "Huh? YOU???" BUSTER: "Yes, I'm back to put a stop to your ways." DAFFY: "What are you doing back...here???" BUSTER: "Not much really." DAFFY: "Well, why don't you admit it?" BUSTER: "Admit what?" DAFFY: "You killed Bugs Bunny." BUSTER: "Bugs isn't dead!" DAFFY: "Oh, yeah, well....." BUSTER: "Give it up, Daff!" Meanwhile in the tower.................. WAKKO: "C'mon guys let's watch it again!" YAKKO: "You've watched that movie almost 50 times." WAKKO: "Let's make it 51!" BUGS: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-hahahahahhahahahahha!" YAKKO: "I can see Bugs doesn't want to see your 51st showing of your little Don Knotts movie festival. Okay, Bugs you can go." DOT: "Bye!" BUGS: "Ick....ack....f-f-f-free? Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!" Bugs runs out of the tower with joy and sees that Daffy has taken charge. BUGS: "Eh, I feel ill." DAFFY: "Yikes! Bugs!" Daffy tip-toes away slowly until Bugs grabs his neck and makes him turn everything normal. DAFFY: "This is UNspeakably DISpicABLE!!!!!" We join Buster Babs and Bugs looking out the window over his cartoon kingdom. He views the coyotes and road runners and birds running free this heart warming moment Buster has to ask: BUSTER: "Bugs, were you serious about me being the next big cartoon star after you?" BUGS: "Nope." BUSTER: "Gee. Thanks for the encouragment" BABS: "Iris out, please." That's all folks!