Hell Hath No Fury...

			by Renee Carter Hall

			(renjef@earthlink.net)


	"It's so cool that you're finally online, Babs," said Shirley. 
"You can, like, cosmically connect with kindred spirits all over the
world."
	"Tres exciting!" said Fifi, sitting on the edge of Babs' bed.  Babs
was in the chair in front of her desk, and Shirley was standing beside
her.  Babs had invited them over after school for a little gossip and a lot
of net-surfing.
	"And just think," said Babs as she powered up the computer and
connected the modem, "tons of information--anything you want."
	"Like, freak me out," said Shirley.  "People could be talking
about _us_, and we'd never know it."
	"We'll know it now," said Babs, typing rapidly, then hitting the
"search" button.
	The search turned up more than a few interesting sites.  They
browsed around for awhile, then happened upon...
	"TTBS?  Like, what's _that_ mean?" asked Shirley, looking at
the screen over Babs' shoulder.
	"Sounds like a cable channel," Babs quipped.  "Let's find out."
	A few downloads later, all three were fuming.
	"I don't look like that!" said Babs.  She gestured to her fourteen-
year-old chest.  "Where do they think I'm hiding those things, anyway?"
	"Moi aussi!"  Fifi agreed, viewing a few of her images.  "And I
am _much_ better drawn zhan zat!"
	"Like, where do these jerks get off..."  Shirley paused.  Babs and
Fifi were staring at her, all thinking the same thing.  "I'd totally better
rephrase that," Shirley added hurriedly.  "Like, why would they _do_
this stuff?  It's mondo bizarre."
	"That's not all there is, either," said Babs, taking pages from her
printer and passing them around.
	"Like, who wrote _this_ one?  Plucky?" asked Shirley.
	"Boy," said Babs, her eyes widening from shock with each page,
"if I spin into spandex and just _kiss_ Buster, I have to dump a bucket
of water over him to get him back to reality.  If we did THIS stuff, he'd
be out of commission for weeks!"
	Fifi had finally reached her limit.  "Thees ees disgusting!"  She
threw the pages on the floor and stomped one foot on them.
	"Yeah, and it's, like, totally First Amendment!" said Shirley. 
"We can't do anything about it!  Um... Babs?"
	Babs had a deliciously evil grin on her face.  She pulled the two
into a huddle.  "Oh, _can't_ we...?"
				*****
	"Bookworm," said Babs, "we need your help..."  She explained
the situation.  The three toons had come to the Looniversity's computer
lab, Bookworm's second favorite hangout after the library.
	Bookworm gave a "thumbs-up" and started in.  With "Night on
Bald Mountain" playing in the background, the three girls shared
wicked laughter as Bookworm created a decidedly unique computer
virus.
	"This is, like, brilliant, Babs!" said Shirley.
	"Oui," Fifi agreed.  "Zey are going to--how you say--get what's
coming to zem!"
	Babs did her best Jack Nicholson impression.  "Wait'll they get
a load of _me_!"
	Finally the "1812 Overture" started, and at its crescendo,
Bookworm pressed the final key.  Thunder crashed, lightning flared--
and the deed was done.
	"I had no idea programming was so dramatic," said Babs. 
"Hey, Bookworm, check and see if it worked!"
	Bookworm gave a smart salute and accessed the site.  The
fiction had all been replaced by the entire library of "Barney" scripts. 
And the images... well, anyone who went looking for Babs in the buff
could only find nude pictures of Microsoft's Bill Gates.
	"Like, gag me!" said Shirley.  "Get that out of my sight before I
toss my tofu!"
	"Mission accomplished!" said Babs.  "Thanks, Bookworm. 
Come on, gals, let's celebrate!"
	Later, as the three sipped shakes at Weenieburger, Shirley
asked, "So, like, was there anything else about us worth checking out?"
	"Just one," said Babs.  "Something called Tiny Toons
FanFiction..."


				The End


Note: 

This story was directly inspired by Michael Russell's "Fan Thoughts."
My thanks to him for coming up with such a great concept that I couldn't
resist doing my own version.
RCH, August 1998