Hare Hysteria By Kevin Mickel (HKUriah3@AOL.com) "I'm hEEEeeeerrrr!!" cried Babs Bunny as she walked out onto the stage. "Hmmm," she said thoughtfully when the audience failed to respond. "Tough crowd, huh?" she asked them. "Well, let's see how you like this!" Babs went into one of her famous spin-changes, and she emerged from it completely unchanged. "Huh?" she said with surprise. "What gives?" She immediately went into another spin change, and this time it worked, sort of. Her regular outfit had been replaced with something very similar. She was now wearing a lavender sweater, yellow skirt, and her ear ribbon had been removed and tied around her ankles. "AHHHH!!!" she screamed when she saw the strange results of her spin change. She quickly reached out of the frame and pulled an old fashioned privacy screen into place in front of her. A few seconds after her odd colored clothing was seen flying out from behind it, she pushed the screen aside to reveal that she was back in her normal attire. "What's going on here?" she asked crossly, but to no one in particular. Then, she realized something very odd. Through all of these strange occurrences, there had been absolutely no response from the audience. Growing more concerned, she called out, "Uhm, can we have the house lights up, please?" As the lights came up, Babs was shocked to see that she had been performing to an empty house. "Well now this is certainly weird," she murmured. Then, with more than a little irritation in her voice, she called up to the animator and said, "Hey, what's going on? Who's in charge around here?" In response to Babs's question, a giant pencil came down eraser end first, and it erased everything around her, leaving her standing in front of a stark white nothingness. Comprehension suddenly formed on Babs's face. "Oh no you don't!" she said with defiance. "I am not playing this game!" Reaching up over her head, she pulled down the background that had Buster's rabbit hole on it. "Buster!" she cried as she dove down into the tree stump. "You gotta help me!" Buster, who had been sitting on his couch watching TV, was a little surprised at Babs's sudden arrival. "Whoa, Babs, chill. What's wrong? Is Elmyra after you?" "Worse," said Babs as she looked upwards with wide eyed fear. "Some crazy animator is giving me the Duck Amuck treatment!" "What?" cried Buster in anger. "Well I'll just see about that. There's no way I'm gonna let..." Buster's declaration was cut off as the eraser came down again and rubbed first him, and then everything else, out. From off in the distance, Babs heard an echo of Buster's voice calling, "Sorry, Babs..." Babs looked sheepishly up at the animator. The fear in her eyes was genuine. After just a couple of seconds though, she took a deep breath and composed herself enough to say, "All right, look. I don't wanna play this game, and I won't. If you keep trying these crazy ideas, I'm just gonna stand here and do nothing. That, my friend, will make for one boring cartoon. So... You can either try to exasperate me, and fail, or you can give me a nice background that I can work some kind of a story onto. What's it gonna be?" A paintbrush appeared and paused thoughtfully next to Babs as the animator decided what to do. "Well?" asked Babs after a moment. In a flurry of motion, the brush created a nice beach scene. "Ah," said Babs as a smile formed on her lips. "I see you've come to your senses." Noticing a spot laid out with all of her beach stuff, she walked over to it and said, "Now this is more like it. Lemme change into something more appropriate. Babs went into another spin change. When she stopped, she was completely baffled by what she saw. Two Babs Bunnies starred at each other in disbelief. One was clad in her purplish bikini, the one that complemented her solid pink fur quite nicely, and the other was wearing her black bikini, and matching ear ribbons, the one that contrasted her white belly fur quite nicely. The two Babs's watched as the amazement she was feeling was mirrored in the other's face. "Oh come on!" shouted Pink Babs at the animator. "I know people like to argue over which look is right..." "...but this is ridiculous!" finished white Babs. "Hey," they shouted in unison. "Fix this!!" The eraser came down and wiped out both Babses and the background. "Well?" asked Babs once everything was gone. "Where am I?" The paintbrush came down and suddenly Dot Warner was standing in front of the white nothingness. "Well that's better," she said with Babs's voice. "I think. I don't feel quite right." "Oh, I get it," she said suddenly. "This is the screwball gag from Duck Amuck, right? So, what am I? I monster? A duck? A weird something or other? *SIGH* All right, let's have the mirror so we can get this over with. But I warn you, It won't work." Rather obligingly, the paintbrush came down and created a mirror for Babs, or Dot, or er, well, you know, to look in. She slowly turned towards it, and once she saw what was there, she reacted the only way possible; her eyes popped out of her head with a loud "AHOOGAH!" as she proceeded to perform what had to be the most extreme wild take ever done by a rabbit. "AAAAHHH!!!" she screamed as she saw what had been done to her. She seethed with anger as she glared up at the animator. She opened her mouth to protest, but no words came out. Forcing herself to calm down, she went into a spin change, reemerging as her normal bunny self. "I am *NOT* Dot Warner!" "You got that right, sister," said Dot as she popped into the frame. Pulling out a huge mallet, she promptly flattened Babs with it and said, "*I'M* the cute one!" Slinging the mallet over her shoulder, she smiled sweetly and said, "Bieeee!" and casually walked off screen to the right. "DAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" screamed Babs as she suddenly popped back into her normal shape. She looked up with exasperation as she panted heavily. "All right, look," she said in a ragged voice, "this isn't working. Isn't there some way we can work together without you trying to destroy me?" The paintbrush came back down and created a Calamity 2000 Escape Proof Bunny Cage around her. A note was attached to it that said, "Let's see if you can get out of this one." "Oh no you don't! I am *not* gonna let you or anyone else put me in one of these things ever again! Good Bye!" With that, she pulled out an eraser and from her pocket and promptly erased herself from the scene. From off in the distance, Babs could be heard laughing maniacally as she said, "There! I beat you at your own game!" Sitting back from his animator's desk, Hamton J. Pig set down his paintbrush and sighed. "Well," he said with a faint smile, "I did manage to hold my own against her for a little while." "Th-that's re-uh-right, Hamton," said Porky Pig as he placed a congratulatory hand on his protege's shoulder. "You de-uh-di-uh, did a gee-uh-grea-go, uh... Well done!" THE END This fanfic came to the strange thought patterns of Kevin Mickel while he was at work at the Boston Copley Marriott Hotel on March 10th, 1999 and was written in less than 2 hours. All things related to Tiny Toon Adventures and Looney Tunes are owned and copyrighted by Warner Bros. The author claims no rights to those things, and this unauthorized fanfic should in no way be considered to be infringinging upon those rights. I know the ending makes no sense, but hey, it's a cartoon. Oh yeah... I'm baaaack! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Thee-uh, that's all, Folks!