GROUP THERAPY by Mike Beebe (e-mail: mbeebe7769@juno.com) Edited by Lee Withers The toonsters were not taking being cancelled from their 4:00 time slot on FOX well, and winding up being mostly forgotten by everyone but a group of people on the internet, who kept the TTA fires burning through their stories (which, hopefully, the good people at Warner Bros. don't know about). Oh, things were still the same, for the most part: Fifi still chased anything with a white stripe up his back; Furrball still endeavored in his quest to capture Sweety; and Plucky still tried to get a date with Shirley. But not everyone was taking this so well, two Bunnies named Babs and Buster (no relation) to name a couple. They had been shot down in their prime, at the peak of their popularity. And sometimes, that is just too much to take, even for cartoon characters. So, Buster and Babs joined a Rabbit Support group. They were scared at first, but when they saw that Bugs Bunny was their counselor (who better after 50 years?), their fear was gone. But they were shocked when they saw the motley crew of bunnies and rabbits assembled. There was the briefly popular Roger Rabbit, who was kind of a model for Babs because they both had such a hyper style of comedy; there was Bucky O'Hare, who nobody could remember what show _he_ was from; Swift Heart Rabbit, whose show made everyone gag from the sweet nature of it; and there was Lola Bunny, who had been in one movie with Bugs and then forgotten by Warner Bros. As Buster got sight of her, he started drooling uncontrollably. He was swiftly flattened by Babs. And last but not least, there was Honey Bunny, Bugs's longtime girlfriend, who'd been shoved aside by WB just to make room for Lola, and no other reason. She resented Warner Bros. for that, and hated Lola for it even more; and her very presence in the same room with Lola at the same time made Bugs squirm. At first, Buster and Babs sat in silence as Bugs collected himself and began the meeting. "All right, who wants to start dis week?" he asked. Lola raised her hand and Bugs pointed to her. "Alright, Lola, go ahead." She took a deep breath, which made Honey jealous, and made Bugs stand at attention. "Well, why can't I be more than a one-shot character? I mean, I have a great voice and body, not like SOME bunnies!" She looked directly at Honey, whose whiskers began trembling in rage. The room would have erupted then and there into Nuclear War had Bugs not stepped in. "Now, dat's not right, Lola," he said, placing his arms protectively around Honey's shoulders to calm her down. "We're all here for da support of each udder, 'cause we're da forgotten rabbits, used one minute and t'rown away da next." Bucky piped up, "Well, then, Bugs, why are you here? You've been around for more than 50 years!" Bugs replied, "Well, whatever your name is..." "BUCKY O'HARE! I was on USA for a year! Sheesh!..." "Whatever," Bugs continued. "Anyways, I wasn't always popular, and I know rejection. I've been dere, but one t'ing kept me goin!" Everyone leaned forward and listened attentively as he prepared to impart his wisdom. "Fan support! As long as ya have fans somewhere, you'll stay alive in dere minds! I can only t'ink of one of you wit' no fans at all, dat I can t'ink of..." All eyes turned instantly to Bucky, who drew a phaser gun from his belt and threatened the group. "Hey! It wasn't MY fault! The stories they wrote SUCKED! I had NO supporting cast, and then to top it all off, they put me on USA!" he yelled. Just then, Sailor Moon walked in. "Yeah, he's right, I've been there; it's complete suicide!" she said. Bugs looked at her. "Eh, you're not a rabbit. Da 'Washed-Up Anime' Support Group is down da hall, t'oid door to da left!" Sailor Moon blushed, said "Whoops, sorry," and left. By that time, Bucky had calmed down and reholstered his gun. Swift Heart and Roger flanked him, both for support and to prevent a blaster-filled mess. "You think _you_ got it bad?" Roger told Bucky. "I haven't worked since '88, and I think Jessica is going to leave me." Everybody gasped. Bugs was the first to speak. "Eh, why d'ya t'ink dat?" "Well," Roger said between sobs, "I saw her with an-n-n-n-other rabbit the other day." Bucky replied, "Who is it? I'll blast him into little pieces!" Roger stammered, "Th-th-th-th...THUMPER!" Another gasp from the group. Bugs wasn't worried, though. "Eh, don't worry, Roger, Disney ain't made a decent cartoon since Darkwing Duck!" he smiled, chomping on his ever-present carrot. "Hey, you're right, Bugs! Gee, th-th-th-thanks," Roger said. Deciding it was time to change the subject, Bugs pointed to Babs and Buster. "Well, youse two've coitanly been silent. Is dere anyt'ing dat you wanna say?" Buster cleared his throat, and in a timid voice said, "Well, I am worried about the future. I mean, how can we be happy with no one to make laugh?" "Dere's always da re-runs," Bugs replied. Buster chuckled. "There's better stuff on the 'net than in some of those scripts!" Bugs laughed along with the rest of the group. "True," he said, "but it's a pipe dream ta t'ink dey'll ever become TV episodes. Dey may be da best t'ings out dere, but it prob'ly won't happen. Besides, how many times does a show come back after cancellation?" Swift Heart chimed in, "Twice for me!" Bugs smiled and raised a skeptical eyebrow. "You call dat half-hour commoicial for stuffed toys a cartoon? Face it, Swifty, you know it, an' I know it--dat show SUCKED!" Swift Heart started to cry, and Lola went over to comfort her. Babs coughed and said, "Well, I think we could come back." Bugs replied, "Look, I don't rule out dat ya could. I mean, ya gotta keep hope alive. But remember, as long as ya got supporters lobbyin' for your cause, you'll stay alive an' not fade away! And dat goes for every one of ya in here...hey, where'd Bucky go?" The group looked for him for 15 minutes, and then gave up the search. Bugs quipped, "Oh, well, no loss dere!" And the group all laughed. "Well," Bugs said, "dat about wraps it up for dis week. Take care o' yerselves, an' I hope I'll see all o' ya here next week." Buster and Babs felt better about themselves after that, and left to go back to Acme Acres. Honey Bunny came over to Bugs and asked, "Bugsy, how about dinner?" Bugs scratched his head. "Well, I...uh..." At that moment, Lola "Are you ready, Bugs? We're meeting MJ at the United Center in a half-hour..." she said. Honey turned bright red. "You're taking this poor excuse for a rabbit with you?" Her whiskers twitched angrily and she glared at Lola, who glared right back. "I thought you'd gotten rid of this old hag by now," she growled. "OLD HAG?!?!" Honey shouted back. Bugs went wide-eyed in terror for what was about to come. As Buster and Babs reached the top of the hill, heard the Nuclear Attack Siren, and put on their fallout suits, they held hands as they watched the house they'd just come from go up in a huge mushroom cloud. After the cloud had dissipated, and three charred rabbits exited the rubble, Buster and Babs looked deeply into each other's eyes. "Weenie Burger?" asked Babs. "Weenie Burger," nodded Buster. THE END (Completed 8-31-97) (Released 2-16-98) ============================================================ Epilogue I sat back and looked at my story that I had with the absurd precept of a 'rabbit support group' thinking, 'What the heck was I on when I wrote this?' "What you don't think it could happen?" I looked around for a mysterious voice, and to my amazement, I turned and saw Buster and Babs Bunny (No Relation) in the ink & paint. I rubbed my eyes, time to switch from Coke to Pepsi I told myself, and looked up, expecting them to be gone but they were still there. So I decided I should explain myself to these rabbits. "You see the basic formula for cartoons is this, take some main charachters, and feed the show off of them." Babs nodded, "Sounds good to me, what went wrong?" I scratched my head, "The thing is the show started to go other direction." Buster, "But I don't see what you mean we were always the stars, right?" I nodded again, "Yes, but think about the episodes you just 'Cameoed' or 'Walked on' or 'Hosted'. Look at some of the shorts. 'The Roaches'? The one with Fleo? Any short with Bookworm, Sweetie, or Barky Marky?" Babs went to say something but I held up my hand and continued, "The Plucky Duck show for starters. That was a sign to me that you were going down." Plucky Duck, to my amazement walked on protesting this whole discussion. "This is insane! My show was good!" I rubbed my forehead and replied, "Plucky, you know what is great about this being my story?" Plucky, "What?" I pointed up and BLAM! A ten ton anvil smashed him through my floor. Then I turned to Buster and Babs and rubbed my hands, "Anyone for a Weenie Burger?" And we started to leave, Buster asked, "What's the white paint for?" I replied with a smile, "In case Fifi is there. Grrrrrr!" And we all laughed as we headed to Weenie Burger. Plucky peeked up from the hole where he had been smashed. "That was pointless." BAM! another anvil and ten ton weight hit him. ===================================================== Copyrights Babs, Buster, Bugs, Honey, Lola Copyright of Warner Studios Bucky O'Hare Copyright Abrhams-Gentile Entertainment Roger Rabbit Copyright Amblin Studios Swift Heart Rabbit Copyright Those Charachters From Clevland No Rabbits were harmed in the making of this story. (Except Bucky but no one really minded) One duck was harmed, but I gave him a band-aid.