Characters are property of Warner Bros. This story was written by Zuccini, and if you have anything to say to me, my e-mail address is right here -------->Zucccini@aol.com For those of you just coming in on this story, let me explain. Fifi and Plucky had gone on a sort of date, because Shirley sent Fifi to cancel a date Shirley had with Plucky. Fifi ended up taking Shirl's place, and she and Plucky had a wonderful time. They saw a movie and then went back to Fifi's place, where Plucky and Fifi began to sorta "bond". Plucky then took Fifi out to an expensive French restaurant called "Toon De Fromage", where Plucky got an overdose of vodka by mistake. Fifi took him back to her place in hopes that he would sober up. Instead, Plucky went phsyco and pulled a fast one on Fifi. He, still drunk, had sexually harassed her (read the story) and as a reflex, Fifi had slammed him against the wall and knocked him out. Shirley and Babs had been getting suspicious about Plucky and Fifi, and while they were on their way to Fifi's to discuss the matter, they see Fifi on the ground crying. She says she has done something terrible, and Babs and Shirley are about to find out what. Whew! Now that that's over... ************************************************************** The Fowl Scent of Romance: Fifi's Lament (yes, I suppose the title does reak... no pun intended) "Like, Fifi, calm down! What have you done that's so totally awful?" asked Shirley, gently shaking a sobbing Fifi. "Yeah, Feef, we'll never be able to help you out unless you tell us what's wrong!" commented Babs, whom was standing behind Shirley. "It was Plucky, wasn't it?" "No! It was not his fault!" cried Fifi. "He did not mean to..." "To what? What, Fifi, what did he do?" Just then, out staggered Plucky. He had a large bump on top of his head and he looked very dizzy. "Fifi, what happened? I feel like I was just in another version of 'The Anvil Chorus'," Shirley jumped up. "Is that all you can think about? Yourself? Like, that is so you, Plucky. I totally can't believe you have no sympathy for your mondo whacked-out friend!" "Shirley, please! If vou would just let me explain a few theengs--" "Quiet, Fifi," whispered Babs. "Shirl' will take care of the situation," "Look, Shirley," began Plucky, "I know we used to be an item, but I'm afraid my tastes have gone towards the French delicacies," Shirley's jaw fell open. She turned to Fifi and Babs, then at Plucky. Suddenly, she let out a howl of laughter. "Oh, Plucky! Get crucial!" Plucky frowned. "What's so funny?" "Do you mean to tell me you, like, have a thing for Fifi, or some junk?" Plucky smiled at Fifi and confidently said, "You bet I do." Shirley stopped laughing. Fifi, however, jumped up and ran towards Plucky with open arms. He caught her and they embraced each other. Now both Shirley and Babs were bewildered. "The duck and LaFume... together? Is this some sort of a sick joke?" asked Babs. Shirley didn't answer. "Oh, Plucky, I am so ashamed of moiself. I sought you would never take me back!" "Why wouldn't I?" he asked, rather confused. That's when it occurred to Fifi that he didn't remember anything that had happened after he'd gotten drunk. "You know, Fifi, I'd love to do this again some time." "Ah, so would I," "How about next Friday?" "Zat would be perfect!" Plucky began to walk home, when Fifi grabbed him by the arm and asked, "Vould you do zee honors of walking me home?" Fifi batted her eyelashes, and Plucky couldn't resist, even if her home was just a few steps away. He took her arm, and he led her to her front door, passing Babs and Shirley, whom were still watching, mouths gaping and eyes bulging. After he'd passed Shirley, however, he leaned over to her and said,"Shirley, let me be the first to say... WE'RE THROUGH." ************************************************************** ********* "Hello? Oh, hiya, Buster. Yeah, something _is_ up. Have you heard from Plucky lately? Oh. No reason, really, I guess it's nothing to worry about. No, don't worry about it. Trust me, Buster! Everything's fine. Hey, we're still going to go to the Carrot Convention on Thursday, right? Good! You know, Buster, maybe I should tell you-- right now? What do you mean the football game's today? Oh, no, I'm gonna be there, just give me time to put on my cheerleading uniform. That's odd, I can't find my pompoms. What's so funny? You have them? Buster Bunny, how dare you sort through my gym bag! How would you like it if I stole your jock strap from out of your locker? Ha! I didn't think so! Well, blue ears, I guess I'll see you on the field. Okay, this is Babs Bunny, signing out!" ************************************************************** Buster Bunny hopped out of his rabbit hole with his Football uniform in one hand and Babs's pompoms in the other. He had been pshyced up about the Acme/ Perfecto game all season, and this was the BIG one, the game that would show which team was truly the best, and which school for that matter. Buster looked at Babs's pompoms. He held them in his hands and started cheering like a girl, screaming "Ra, ra!" and "Go, team, go!". He laughed to himself. Surprisingly, though, he heard some one else laughing. "You know, Buster, if you're tired of being captain of the football team, I'm sure Babs would let you be Head Cheerleader for today," laughed Plucky as he stepped into view. Buster dropped the pompoms and blushed red as Plucky chuckled still. "Very funny, duck. By the way, nice perfume you got there. What is it, Tommy Girl?" asked Buster, after his face turned blue again. Plucky looked down at his gym bag and saw that something wet was in it. "I'm not wearing any, stupid rodent! I bought some for, uh, for a girl. The bottle must have broken on the way over!" "Well, at least you'll smell like a rose on the field. Who's the perfume for, Shirley?" Plucky frowned. "No, we broke up. I'm seeing someone else, someone a bit more sophisticated," Buster shook his head and walked with Plucky to the football stadium. He didn't care who Plucky thought he was dating. He was tired and hadn't had his morning carrots, and he didn't want to get into anything before the game started, you know, so he could keep his mind on beating Perfecto Prep. "Hey Buster! Where are my pompoms?" asked Babs, when Buster and Plucky arrived at the stadium. Buster panicked. He had left them by the entrance to his hole by mistake! "Oh, that's just great! Now I have to walk to your house to get my pompoms! What a week!" growled Babs, while walking towards Buster's. She turned to Fifi and asked where Shirley was, whom still hadn't showed up. "Ah do not know, she should have been here by now. Perhaps she is still getting ready, yes?" "Eh, well," sighed Babs," I suppose I can stop by her house on the way back from blue boy's house. Catch ya later," "Au revior, Babs." As Babs walked away, Plucky and Fifi gave each other a quick kiss. Buster's jaw dropped to the ground, and Plucky rolled his eyes. "Well who'd you think I was dating, Margo Mallard? Sheesh, Buster!" Buster stuttered. "But I thought you didn't like each other? I mean, I thought, that is to say, you just, she likes, Hamton and--" Fifi jumped up and suddenly remembered something. "Sacre bleu! I have completely forgotten about my petite Hamton! Oh, my poor piggy," Plucky looked unamused and told Fifi Hamton didn't have to find out about this. His heart would break and he would probably never speak to her again. "And you weren't ever officially going out, right? I mean, remember last spring's Fort Lauderdale experience? He met that one girl- my dream girl- and left you all alone," "Oiu, I remember. Zat truly did break my heart. You would never do zat, vould you?" Plucky kissed Fifi and then spun around until he stopped in a CASABLANCA overcoat and said, "Here's lookin' at you, kid," "Roddy, darling," whined Rubella Rat. "Roddy I don't understand this whole play book scheme. Tell me again how it'll work." Roderick Rat was holding a bouquet of flowers and had a bow tie on. He turned to Rubella and told him his plan. "As you know, the duck plan failed. Plucky wasn't as reliable as I had thought. But, I am taking a new approach this time, and instead will persuade one of the cheerleaders to tell me what the secret plays are. They get the play books too, you know," "But which cheerleader will you swoon? Good luck with that Babs girl, she'd never tell you. She's dating the captain of the team," Rubella had a point. Roddy thought for a while, and then he saw Fifi waving at Plucky. His ears laid back and he smiled a devilish smile. "I think I've got just the right girl..." "Good luck, Plucky! I hope you score a, how do you say, touchdown!" waved Fifi. Plucky waved back as he, Buster, Hamton, Furrball, and Calamity huddled together. "Hello, madam, uh, skunk. May I sit down?" Fifi turned her head and saw she was face to face with Roderick Rat. "Why are you not on ze field?" "Oh, I, um, I'm quitting the team. I figured I'd exchange to Acme Looniversity, ya know? Play on a real team for once," He held up the flowers and presented them to Fifi. He read Fifi's name on her gym bag and sat down next to her. "These flowers are for you, madam, uh, LaFume. I've been rather shy up until now, but will you watch the game with me?" Fifi was a little suspicious, but she excepted the flowers anyway. "You may watch with me, but I will have to cheer very soon. I am les cheerleader, vou knows," "Oh, very good! I do so love watching you cheer! I think you're so much better than that pink bunny anyways!" Fifi perked up a bit. She'd always thought she was better than Babs, but had never been told that before. But she remembered who was complimenting her and quickly looked down. Suddenly, the crowd began to cheer. Fifi got up and began waving her pom poms every which way shouting "Go, Buster!", for he had just scored the first touchdown of the game. Roddy gritted his teeth. "Ooh, do it again! I just love watching you cheer! You have such nice legs!" Fifi jumped down his throat about that. "Look-ee here, rat! I am not about to give vou anyzing! Do you here ay moi? Nozing! Now leave me alone, you male chaugenauff pig, er, rat!" Roddy and Fifi were eye-to-eye when he saw Plucky waving at his fans. He had just scored. Time was running out. "Uh, sorry there, Fifi, I didn't mean-- my, you have such nice eyes! Those have got to be contacts!" Fifi backed up a bit and batted her lashes. But she turned away in embarrassment. "No really! Tell me, do you model? I mean, you have got to be the most beautiful creature on legs!"- and what legs they were, he thought- "You know that your tail is the softest, fluffiest, prettiest tail I've seen, don't ya? It's true! Tell me, are you available?" Fifi began giggling uncontrollably. She was so embarrassed! She had treated him so rudely, but surely all he wanted was to get to know her, right? "You know, Fifi, it's been a pleasure speaking with you, but I guess I had better go. If your boyfriend sees me talking to you, he might--" "Boyfriend? Oh, you must mean Plucky! We are not necessarily going steady or anyzing! Besides, zey are about to do les statue of liberty play! He will not even see you!" Roderick smiled. That's just what he wanted to hear! Roddy excused himself and ran to the bathroom. "They're going with the statue of liberty play, boys! You know what to do... crush the rabbit!" "And it lookth like Perfecto ith back in the game, folkth! The famouth thtatue of liberty play hath jutht been defeated! Buthter Bunny ith calling time out..." said announcer Sylvester over the loudspeaker. "All right, team! They've got the ball! If we get it, I want you to throw to the duck and-- Plucky? Where's Plucky?" asked Buster as he had the team in a huddle. "Plucky's talking to Fifi over there," said Hamton, pointing to the bench. "It's been a little strange the way they've been seeing each other," "No kiddin', Hamton. HEY PLUCKY! We're waiting for you!" Plucky looked back at his team and then turned to Fifi. He stole a quick kiss and ran back to join the other toons. "It looks to me that you two really are going steady!" sneered Roderick, as he returned from the bathroom. "Zan I guess I cannot see you sometime. Besides, what about zat Rubella girl of vours?" "Oh, uh, we're through! We had a disagreement about schools! Did I mention I'm transferring to Acme Loo?" "Rubella, why is Roddy with that Acme loser cheerleader?" asked Margo, as she and Rubella sat down from cheering. Perfecto had just scored they're second touchdown. "He wants to get back at Plucky for cheating him. He's trying to get the girl skunk to give him some playbook secrets, too," replied Rubella as she put a fresh coat of nail polish on. "But doesn't the duck date that spooky loon chick?" Rubella dropped her nail polish. Plucky WAS dating Shirley, wasn't he? "Roddy's leaving me for that, that, that French tramp over there! Oh, he'll pay dearly!" "Careful there, Rubella," cautioned Margo as she lit a cigarette. "If there's one thing I've learned, it's men have to be won back," "I thought we were the ones that men had to win back?" "Oh, right. Well, it works with guys, too," "I'm listening..." The two talked and it was decided. They would kidnap Plucky's "real" girlfriend, Shirley, and force her to give them the playbook. Plucky would have to leave the stadium, and since he was one of the best players, they would lose the game. Roddy would be so impressed he would leave Fifi and go back to Rubella. It was perfect! ************************************************************** "Hello, Shirley? Are you there? It's Babs," Babs was outside of Shirley's mansion. She had just gotten back from Buster's with her pom poms and was now trying to find Shirley. "The door is unlocked, or some junk. Come on in," called Shirley, with a bit of a sigh. Babs walked in and found Shirley hovering over the staircase throwing a little rubber ball at the stairs and then catching it when it bounced back. "Come on, Shirl', you can't stay here! We got a game to cheer for! Now get your pom poms, put on a skirt, and get ready to cheer!" "Like, it's hopeless, Babs. I'll never get Plucky back. My crystal ball predicted wedding bells for Fifi and Plucky, but zippo for me. Gag! I might have to marry Fowlmouth!" cried Shirley, unintentionally changing the subject. "Get crucial, girl, you wouldn't sink that low! Now come on, you've got mascara dripping everywhere!" Babs suddenly spun around and then stopped suddenly in an army general's uniform. "Men, I need a few good men for this mission! But in this case, I'll make an exception! So no whining, no complaining, or I'll have you march 'till sundown! We've got a game to cheer for, now move your butt! Pom poms- HOOOOOOOOO!" Babs grabbed Shirley, spun her around till she stopped in her cheerleading uniform, handed her her pom poms, grabbed her arm and raced towards the stadium. "Babs, slow down! I'm sensing some mondo hostile vibes!" Shirley said, as she and Babs reached the entrance to the stadium. Suddenly, Babs was kicked into the air and left to fall in a trash bin. She wearily got up and said, "Hang on, Spanky, it's gonna be a bumpy ride!" and fell back in. Shirley, however, was caught in a large potato sack and being carried away by Rubella and Margo. "Like help! Somebody help me! I'm totally being kidnapped, er some junk!" she cried. Margo gave her a quick jab and Shirley went silent. "Stupid loon," she sneered. "Or some junk!" added Rubella. They both laughed and ran off towards Perfecto, leaving Babs alone in the trash bin. "Zis is tray strange, Roderick," said Fifi to Roddy. "Please, darling! Call me Roddy!" he cooed. "Can you tell me what the next play will be?" "I'm not sure, but I take it Plucky will go long and Buster will fake a pass to Hamton, rather than throwing it to Plucky," "Merci, merci! Have I told you you look absolutely stunning!" "Six times," "Well you do! Pardon me! I have to make a trip to the men's room again!" he said, dismissing himself from the bench. Fifi sighed. Just than, Babs stumbled up to her. "Babs! Where on earth haz you been?" "TIME OUT!" she cried. Fifi grabbed Babs's mouth to shut her up. After Babs calmed down, she told her the problem. "They took Shirley! I think she's been kidnapped by Perfecto!" "What? Zat is terriblay! Ooh, zat Roderick Rat will pay for zis! And to zink I believed heem!" "We gotta go save her!" yelled Babs, as she ran onto the field. Buster called time out and Babs explained the situation to him. Roddy, however, was hiding by a box of equipment. He had heard the whole thing. "Oh, that Rubella messes up everything! I'll deal with her later! For now, though, I'd better get outta site!" "Not so fast, Roddy! I believe vou are, how you say, trapped like ze rat, nov?" Roddy looked up and saw Fifi peering down at him. He got up and smiled. "My! You look nice! Wanna catch a flick? I here Evening Star is playing down at the MegaPlex!" Fifi growled at him and Roddy was actually quite scared. Fifi jumped him and with her tail shot him right out of the stadium. "Great shot, Fifi!" cried Buster. "Where's Plucky?" she asked as she realized he wasn't around. But nobody knew. He and Hamton had took off when they heard about Shirley's kidnapping. "Fifi, can you and Babs play for Plucky and Hamton? We'll have to forfeit if you don't," asked Buster. "I'm so sorry, Buster, but I have to find Shirley. I do not know why exactly, but I feel somewhat responsible," Dizzy Devil whirled onto the field in a tattered football uniform and stopped in front of Fifi. "Ooh, Dizzy like football! Ball yummy! Me play, me play!" It was settled. Fifi was sent to look for Shirley while the others played. Plucky and Hamton were still missing, and Roderick was being forced to wear Fifi's uniform and pompoms and cheer for Acme, with Arnold as the overseer, making sure he didn't escape. ************************************************************** "Like, what do you want with me? I've already told you Plucky and I are through!" cried Shirley. She had been tied to a chair and was under a super bright lamp. Margo and Rubella were asking her questions and had been since they arrived at Perfecto. "Come on, Margo! Let's just give it up! She's not talking, and my eyes are starting to water from squinting under this light!" complained Rubella. But before they could do anything, a dark figure leapt down. He had a long dark cape and webbed feet. A round, bright red figure fell on top of the dark newcomer. "Sorry, Bat Duck, pigs don't land on their feet very well, ya know," "Hush, Decoy!" commanded Plucky. He stood up and pointed to Margo. "Good shall triumph! Now back evil scum!" "Like, wow! I'm saved! Fer sure!" "Yes, Shirley! I shall save you! Decoy, back me up!" He and Decoy did a few ninja moves, leapt over to Shirley, and untied her. "Like, my hero, or some junk!" Margo was not amused. She looked over to the side and yelled, "Muscle, take these three losers!" Plucky gasped as a large, ugly toon with rippling pectorals and bisceps entered the scene. He was a large gorilla and a pretty mean one, too. Plucky took out his duck-a-rang and threw it at the light. The bulb broke and the room was dark. Rubella turned on a flashlight and Plucky, Hamton, and Shirley were all being held by Muscles. "Good going, Ham-bone! You were supposed to back me up!" Muscles was about to leave with Shirley, Plucky, and Hamton all under his arm when he was suddenly hit with a long whip. He dropped the three and began bouncing up and down hold his butt crying. "Vou had better not mess with moi... Polecat Woman!" Rubella flashed her light on Fifi, whom was in a tight black suit with only her tail and face showing. She was holding a whip in her left hand and in the other a metal detector. She threw it out of the way and with her whip grabbed hold of Rubella and Margo. She tied them to the lamp and jumped back to face Muscles. She kicked him in the head and than turned around, tail in the air, and skunked him. He fell down, green from the stench, and fainted. Fifi kicked the door down and the four of them left with Rubella and Margo still tied to the lamp. ************************************************************** ********** Back at the football stadium, Perfecto had lost. Without Roddy there to help them cheat, they had no chance, and so Acme Loo slaughtered them, fifty six to twelve. "Good game everyone! You too, Perfecto!" shouted Buster. Perfecto mumbled and walked out off the field. The team all hi-fived each other until Furrball started bouncing up and down with joy. He pointed to the other side of the field and they saw Plucky, Shirley, Hamton, and Fifi walking towards them. Babs ran up to Shirley and gave her a big hug. Then Shirley turned to Plucky and, with a smile, gave him a great big kiss. He blushed. "Plucky, I'm sorry! I was totally wrong about you! You are a caring duck. You risked your life, or at least your sanity, trying to save my life! Can you ever forgive me?" Shirley begged. Plucky smiled and gave Shirley a good long kiss, and everybody cheered. Everybody, that is, for Fifi. She lowered her tail and let her head fall. She could feel a tear swell up under her eye, so she turned away and started to walk off the field. Buster saw her go off and ran up to stop her. "Fifi-- whoa, you look great!-- Wait, no, I mean, don't go off now! Come on! Plucky still cares for you!" Buster looked back and saw Plucky and Shirley still kissing. "Okay, maybe not as much as he did this morning, but he's still very grateful to you!" Fifi looked up. "Buster, you would never leave Babs, would you?" Buster shook his head. "I did not zink so," Roddy, however, saw Fifi in her Polecat Woman suit and did an "Ahh-OOOOGA!" take. He ran over, tongue hanging, and grabbed Fifi. He carried her away and shouted "We're going to Vegas, baby!" Fifi rose up quickly. Where was she? She looked around and saw she was in her bed in her car. She looked at her clock and it read 8:34 am. It was Saturday morning and she was in her nightgown, not her cheerleading uniform. Was it a dream? "But it was so real. The kiss, the food, the kidnapping, Roddy, it just does not make any sense!" The phone rang and Fifi jumped a little. She picked it up rubbing her eye and answered. "Hello Fifi? Shirley here! Listen, can you do me a small favor? It's about Plucky and--" < CLICK > Fifi smiled and got back into bed. Dream or no dream, she wasn't going to take any chances! THE END!