The Fowl Scent of Romance ............................................................................................................ This is my third attempt at a fan-fic, but it's the first one I've finished. All the other ones I'm working on are more or less based on comedy, and while I was in the middle of my second story, I thought I'd try my hand at a romance thing. This story involves almost no comedy, but Fifi fans are sure to enjoy it. So, I hope you enjoy my sorry attempt at a love story, it's no GONE WITH THE WIND, but it isn't too bad. -Zuccini Zucccini@aol.com members.aol.com/Zucccini/amazingthree.html All characters used in this story are property of Warner Bros. Tiny Toons is a time Warner product, so now that I've said t, I won't get sued. ************************************************************** ********** "Aw, come on! Just one movie! Shirley, please!" pleaded Plucky as Shirley and he walked home from school. He had been trying to get her to go on a date with him all week, and with no success. "Plucky, for the last time, I wouldn't go on a date with you if you were the last mallard on the face of the earth!" Shirley replied, for the one hundredth time. "Are you sure?" "Positive!" "Even if I had tickets to see The Evening Star?" he asked, slyly. Shirley paused for a moment. "Like, that has my soul mate Shirley McLain in it, or some junk!" Shirley said, eagerly. "And you've only seen it two hundred and seventy three times!" Plucky added. Shirley thought it over and decided, "Okay, but lay a feather on me and you'll be eating JELL-O at the hospital for a year!" "So you actually said 'oiu' to monsieur Plucky?" asked Fifi, over the phone. "Like, I know, it comes as a shock to me, too. But it was that or his whining," replied a regretful Shirley, "so I gave in." "I should say so! I zink you are weakening, Loon. Next time, just zap him!" "Like I haven't tried that! But I think those anvils he gets on the show are numbing his brain cells. He, like, probably can't even feel the things I throw at him anymore," "Oui! But I think it's his ego zat is in ze way!" and they both laughed. "So when is ze big date?" "Tonight, around six, or some junk." "But isn't zat ze time you perform Ze Nutcracker?" "Like, oh no! I totally forgot!" cried Shirley. "What time is it now?" "Almost five forty five. Poor Plucky, he'll be so heart-broken," thought Fifi. On the other line she could hear Shirley running around getting her costume and stuff together. "Forget about Plucky," replied Shirley, while putting on some tights. "I have a recital to make!" "But what about--" "I didn't want to go anyway! Going out with him is such a drag!" "Oiu, but--" "Fifi--" she paused a moment, then sweetly asked, "Like, Fifi, could you be a dear and tell plucky I can't go with him to the movies?" Fifi hesitated. "Well, Shirley, I'm ze bit busy, but--" "Thanks! Gotta go, wish me some mondo luck! Bye!" and she hung up. Fifi was left still holding the phone, wondering to herself what she had just said. "Sacre bleu, it looks like you've got ze previous engagement, nov?" Outside of the MegaPlex theaters stood Plucky waiting for Shirley. He was dressed in a suit he had worn the last time he and Shirley went some place; Shirley McLain's birthday party. He looked very nice and handsome standing there, and when Fifi saw him, she didn't even recognize him. She was looking not for a cool, relaxed drake, but a screaming mad duck. "Heya, Fifi. Have you seen Shirl' around?" he asked her. "No, well, yes. Zat is what I came to talk to you about. You see--" "Don't tell me. Shirley couldn't make it so she sent you to do her dirty work," he said, just as cool as ever. "Scuse'ey moi?" she asked. "She wanted you to tell me that there isn't going to be any date. Frankly I'm surprised she didn't do it herself, like always," then he looked up and asked, "that is why you're here, right?" Fifi bit her lip. " Um, no, actually, I was sent by Shirley to, um, make sure zat vou have an excellent date to ze movie! Yeah! Zat's it!" Plucky looked at Fifi hard. Fifi grinned back. He sighed and and began speaking. "Well, sure, why not? I mean, I got all dressed up, bought non- refundable tickets, and I bought reservations to dine at the "Toon De Fromage"," Fifi jumped with excitement. "Vou bought reservations to ze most expeensive resteraunt in all of Acme Acres just for Shirley?" "Yeah, I really do care for her. In fact, I'm turning over a new leaf, just for her. I don't care what she thinks of me, I know I'll always see her as the most beautiful water fowl of them all... next to me of course! I'm going to try to be a kinder, gentler, more charming and romantic duck than she's ever dated before! Though, I don't know if that's mortally possible!" Plucky winked at Fifi. She giggled and thought to herself Maybe he's not zat bad, nov? In the theater lobby, Fifi and Plucky looked down at their tickets and sighed. Niether one of them wanted to see the movie. "I hate that spooky McLain woman, and I only bought tickets for Shirl'. I'd rather see a manly, action-packed, yet Shakespearian movie. Or better yet, I'd like to star in one! What do you think, Feef, should I audition for that new musketeer movie? I could play the handsome one, aye Fifi?" Fifi wasn't listening to a word he said. Instead, she was looking at a poster for Return of Skunknophobia starring Johnny Pew. True, she hated his guts, but still, the skunknophobe movies were always good. She frowned when she saw the sold out sign on the poster. Plucky had noticed Fifi wasn't interested in The Evening Star, and he too had shown interest in Return of Skunknophobia. Plucky then decided he would get Fifi and him in to see that movie. Plucky lead Fifi to the theater the Skunknophobia sequel was playing in. They sat down towards the front of the theater. Just as Plucky had gotten comfortable, a box of popcorn was hurled at Plucky's head. "Hey, throw your litter some place else! I'm trying to watch the movie!" he screamed. He heard familiar snickering, and instantly new who it was. "The previews haven't even started yet," laughed Babs Bunny, sitting four rows behind them. "Well, you can at least let me sit undisturbed with my date!" he shot back. Babs's laughter turned to anger. "What are you doing with another girl! Does Shirley know about you doing this to her? What gives you the right to do such a thing! And what girl would date such a jerk!" Fifi turned around in her seat and waved at Babs. Babs was shocked. She just sat there, staring at Plucky and Fifi-- together. She looked at Plucky, then Fifi, then Plucky again. She got up and walked out of the theater. "I really gotta stop eating carrot cake between meals, it's murder on my health! I thought I just saw Plucky and Fifi out on a date!" Plucky still had the box of popcorn on his head. Fifi laughed as a kernal rolled down his bill. "Popcorn por vou?" "Yeah, well, at least it's free!" laughed Plucky, as he turned the box of popcorn rightside up and began eating it. Soon, though, Plucky got impatient for the movie to start. "Hey, mack!" he yelled up to the film projector. "We're all here! You think you can get things rolling up there? I spent good money to see Return of Skunknophobia and I expect to see it sometime before I graduate! So get off your fat--" "Plucky!" piped Fifi," vou did not tell me zat we were seeing Return of Skunknophobia! I sought tickets were sold out!" "Well," he bragged, " I am pretty amazing! Tell Shirley that, for me, will ya doll?" Then lights dimmed and the movie started. ************************************************************** "Hello, Harriet? It's Babs. I think there's something seriously wrong-- huh? Oh, yeah, the movie. Actually, I didn't see it. Why? Well, get this! Fifi and Plucky were on a date together! Yes, I know, I really should cut back on those carrot cakes, but seriously, they were there, together! No, they weren't kissing. And no, Shirley was not there! I don't know what to make of it, I mean, really, Plucky and Fifi? They just don't go! Friends? They aren't just friends, Harriet. Fifi's never really talked about him, and they weren't too close as friends. Plucky's told me that he thought Fifi was kind of-- yeah, that's right. Of course, she isn't, but that's what he thought. Shirl put them together? Is that what you think? Maybe I'm not the one who really needs to cut back on the carrot cake..." ************************************************************** The movie was pretty gory, having plenty of violence and several skunk heads rolling around, bloody and covered in musk, of course. Basically, that was the whole movie. Plucky liked the action, Fifi liked seeing Johnny Pew's head decapitated. When the movie was over, they both walked out laughing. "What anger! What action! I'm gonna see it again!" exclaimed Plucky. "So am I!" shouted Fifi. She had had a great time in the theater, considering her date was Plucky. As they walked out of the theater, Arnold the Pit Bull, dressed as a theater employe, guarded the exit. "Excuse me, you punee birdie! But you did not pay to see this movie, ya?" "Well, actually, I'm the inspector, yes that's it, Inspector of America's Theaters! That's me! And these floors are filthy! Isn't that right, Mrs. Hillary Clinton?" Plucky said, nudging Fifi. "Umm, vell, oiu, I mean, yes! Yes, zat's right! This is the most discusting, most grotesque theater in all of Acme Acres. Wait until Willy finds out about this! My husband will shut you down quicker than an Arkansas Ho- Down!" Plucky looked at Fifi, and she shrugged, admitting she had no idea what she had just said. Arnold was scared for a moment, then regained strength. "Wait a minute, where is all your big security guarding people you should be having?" asked Arnold. "Budget cuts?" tried Plucky. The next instant, Plucky and Fifi were being thrown out flat on their tails. Both Plucky and Fifi landed in a mud puddle. They were drenched from head to tail with brown goo. "This is not what I call a romantic evening!" Plucky growled. But he saw Fifi was laughing. She had never been kicked out of a theater before and she found this very amusing. Plucky began to laugh too. "Oh, I am so sorry! Is just zat I find it amusing, ze two of us, flat on our derri eirs! But do not worry, I can get your suit cleaned. My home is right over zere," she said, pointing towards Acme Dump. "The dump? You live in the junk yard?" "Oiu, it's very cosey. Plus, I get all ze time by myself I should need!" then, to herself, she added, "a little too much time by myself." Fifi led Plucky to her realm, a pink cadallac in the center of the dump. She opened the door and took him in. Plucky, used to living in a house, felt somewhat cramped, but he soon forgot about the space of the home when Fifi commanded him to take off his clothes. "What! Fifi, you're a very nice girl and everything, but I think we're moving a little too fast! I mean, it's our first date! We haven't even kissed, for crying out loud!" "Silly duck! I need your clothes so I can wash ze mud out of zem. Nothing personal, but I prefer ze polecat over poultry, if you know what I mean," "Oh, I knew that," said Plucky, stripping off the soaked clothing. Suddenly, he turned bright red when he realized Fifi was watching him undress. He dashed behind some pillows on the cushions and Fifi laughed. She wasn't laughing at him, more like laughing at herself. She then took her clothes off too (which apparently was just her head band) and dumped both loads into the beaten down washing machine outside. She walked over by Plucky, giggled to herself, and took two robes from under the cushions. He handed one to Plucky and put the other one on herself. She walked over to the front of the car, opened the clove compartment, and pulled out two bottles of grape soda, one she tossed to Plucky. "Thanks," he muttered. He was wearing a lacy robe that was very silky, and obviously made for a woman. "But of course! You treat me, now I'll treat you!" she said, as she hopped on the couch next to Plucky. Plucky's jaw dropped as he unknowingly shook the bottle very hard. Fifi saw the bottle, but before she could grap it, it eploded from all the shaken fiz. "Now why did you do zat? You got grape soda all over your self! You're such a mess!" she said, taking a rag and wiping Plucky's bill off. "Sorry, but you said you were going to, that is, um," he began to stutter. Than he remembered something. Look at you! he thought You're Plucky Duck! She's Fifi LaFume! She's nothing special! Why are you dating her? Go find Shirley, now, before this skunk eludes you from her! And then he began to shout. "Look at me! I'm in a pink car wearing a frilly bath robe! This shouldn't happen to me! No sir! I'm not sticking around this dump! Not me! Find somebody else to laugh at, sister, 'cause I'm leaving!" He began to storm out, that is, until Fifi grabbed his bill and, holding back tears, said "what kind of a duck takes somebody's hospitality and then leaves without saying 'sank you'? I don't believe I've ever been more insulted!" "You?! Ha! You aren't being forced to wear a robe made for the opposite sex! Shirley would never do that to me! You make a pretty sad replacement for her! Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go find Shirley!" he shouted, as he walked out of the car. "In moi's bath robe?" "Yes, in your--, uh oh," he looked down at himself, then shouted again, "Then I'll wait for my clothes to get dried and then I'll go find Shirley! She'll appreciate me!" Fifi slapped her forehead. "She doesn't care for you! You were right about ze filthy job--" "Dirty work?" "--oui, dirty work! She sent moi because she didn't want to deal with you! She said vou are rude and selfish, and I can see zat she was correct." Plucky opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't say anything. He was shocked. He walked over to a bench next to a pile of garbage and sat down, head hanging. Fifi forgot all anger and walked over to him. She sat down at his side and hugged him. "I'm so sorry, Plucky. I did not mean to tell you like zat. I didn't want to tell you! She doesn't like vou at all. She told me to break up the relationship two weeks ago, but I didn't have the heart then. And today, well, I guess I felt sorry for you. I know how you feel," "You know how I feel, eh? Have you ever been completely destroyed by your one true love? Well, have you?" "Oiu, several times. I zink your clothes 'ave been washed, I'll dry zem por vou and you can go home." As Fifi lifted herself to get his clothes, Plucky felt something come over him. It was a warm feeling, and for the first time in a long while, Plucky felt forgiveness. "Fifi," he called to her, softly. 'Fifi, I'm so sorry I got mad at you. I don't know why, really, but, well, I guess it's just habit. Can you forgive me? I'd like to take you to dinner if you can." Fifi stopped crying and sort of froze. She slowly turned around, and Plucky saw her eyes light up. Then she quietly spoke to him, "You _have_ changed. I'd love to go." Plucky was standing outside by a cab and was now fully dressed in his suit, all clean and pressed. He was waiting for Fifi to come out so he could take her to the 'Toon De Fromage', a very expensive resteraunt that served French delicasies in a revolving building high above town. It was where all the celebs ate, and he wanted to show Fifi a great time, especially after he found out what she had done for him. Suddenly, out of the car walked a gorgeous toon. It was, no doubt, Fifi, whom had showered and dressed into a beautiful emerald dress. She even had let her hair down. Plucky's eyes got heart shaped and he howled like a wolf. He started panting as she came closer. "You look great!" he told her. "Merci, Duck! You look handsome, yourself." They told the cabby where to drop them off and he laughed. "Oh, you kids will have fun there! I hear that some foreign stars are coming, like, you know, that Le Pew fellow. Real popular with the ladies, he is." Fifi's face lit up and she gave Plucky a big squeeze. She hadn't had a date in so long, she was just too happy. And Pepe LePew might be there! Her favorite movie star! Plucky whispered something to the cab driver. "Thanks for throwing that in, made her day!" "I expect to be payed extra if you have me sing 'Bella Note'," noted the cabby. When they arrived at the resteraunt, Fifi was in awe. Never had she seen so many stars! Plucky was talking to stars, telling them they were beautiful and all, as if he had known them all his life. "Plucky, quit showing off! You know you have never met zem before!" she told him. They walked up to a tall man in a waiter's suit and told him they had reservations. "Ah! Mister Duck! Your table is waiting for you!" spotting Fifi, he said "and this must be the beautiful Miss Shirley!" "No, no, this is actually somebody much more special!" Fifi smiled, and Plucky smiled. Even the waiters smiled. Everybody smiled! (sorry, I'm just happy right now, lemme get back on task.) After Fifi and Plucky were settled in, they ordered some drinks and began to talk. "Really, though, what happened back at my place? Zat is, when you got mad," asked Fifi. "P.M.S. maybe?" he joked. They both laughed. They decided that they would never bring up that fight again, at least, not again that night. "Escuse' ey moi, garceone, but we are ready to order," Fifi said, bringing a waiter to her attention. "Fifi, I believe the gentleman is supposed to order for the lady," Plucky commented. Fifi batted her eyelids at him, and he felt himself choking on something. "I will have the escargo, and my date shall have--" "ze Caesar salad, no chicken, light dressing, extra fromage," she said, looking at Plucky. Then she whispered to him "That's 'cheese' in French'" "The only girl I know who orders Italian at a French resteraunt," Plucky muttered to himself. As the two waited, they had a conversation about Shirley. Plucky learned that Shirley thought he was a humerous and handsome duck, but at the same time rude and self-centered. He was quite surprised to find out about this. Fifi was surprised, too, that he hadn't noticed his behavior. But they both knew one thing for sure; Plucky was an all new duck. ************************************************************** "Shirley? Babs here. Did you know that Plucky went to the movies- - you did? Well why didn't you tell him yourself instead of making Fifi do it? Oh, yeah, sorry I missed the recital. How did it go? Ha! That's showing 'em! Anyway, as I was saying, Plucky saw a movie with another girl! Now calm down! Oh, don't call her that! You don't know who you're talking about. Describe her? Okay, but you may not like what you hear..." ************************************************************** "Oh, Fifi, it's such a pretty evening! Let's go to OZ! There's no place like home! More wine! Gimme the ball game! Remember the Alamo!" "Plucky, what's wrong!? You sound like ze maniac!" Plucky and Fifi had just finished their meals when suddenly Plucky became neurodic and dizzy. He kept doing things he wouldn't normally have done. He had a dazed look and his speech was slurred. Fifi didn't know what was wrong with him. They hadn't had any alcohol that evening (after all, their only teenagers) and still, Plucky was acting like a drunk. Then Fifi looked at one of the snails on Plucky's plate. She picked it up and smelled it. She scrunched up her nose and dropped it. Then she looked at the menu's again. "Sacre bleu! Zis escargo is drenched in vodka!" she exclaimed. "Oh say can you see!? I am going crazy!" shouted Plucky. Fifi called a waiter over. "Monsier, is zis escargo drenched in a lot of vodka?" "Well, madame, it all depends. Ask ze chef, he'll tell you no. Ask a bartender, he'd say yes." "Just how much alcohol did ze chef put in?" "Not much, maybe a couple of gallons or more. Don't worry, most of the alcohol burns off," "Shake shake shake! Shake shake shake! Shake that booty! And shake it well! Fifi, you hot mamma! Come dance with me!" shouted a drunk Plucky as he grabbed Fifi's paw. He began dizzily twirling her, and while he was swinging her around, the waiter added something. "You know, madame, I guess with vodka it's different. If you don't mind, could you please take him home before the customers begin to leave! he's causing a riot!" Fifi had taken Plucky down to the street and was waving for a cab. Plucky had worn himself out and was now sleeping. Occasionally, he would wake up and shout something about trousers, but then he would quiet down. Instead of taking him home, Fifi took him back to her place. She didn't know where he lived exactly, so she just assumed he would be okay at her Cadallac. When they reached the dump, Fifi paid the cabby and took him out of the taxi. Plucky was now wide awake, though a bit more settled. "Fifi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get us kicked outta such a classy joint! I tink I'm gonna hurl!" he cried. Fifi then dropped him by a toilet set near the fence. Plucky, fortunately, didn't toss his cookies, but he was still woozie. She lead him to the door and he literally fell in. She then pulled him up and layed him down on the seat cushion. He instantly fell asleep, and Fifi sighed. It was the best evening she'd had in a very long time, and now she had to babysit a drunk. Since Plucky was asleep, she didn't think there would be a problem if she just changed out of her clothes there, instead of going out to the outhouse, which is where she would have changed, had he been awake. As she unzipped the back of her dress, she heard Plucky laugh. Strange how he laughs in his sleep. Must be the vodka. The dress was all the way off, and as she was putting her hair up in a bun, she could feel somebody stroking her tail. She turned around and there was Plucky, wrapped around her tail, beckoning her to come closer. He patted the cushion next to him for her to sit down. "Do you need somezing? Asprin or a glass of water? What do you need?" she asked. Suddenly, he grabbed her by the torso and looked deep into her eyes. "I need you." "Like, I totally can't believe she would go on a date with him! That is not Fifi at all! She can't even stand the guy!" cried Shirley. She and Babs were walking down to the dump to talk to Fifi about that night. "Well I know you can't stand him! I know I can't stand him! But how could she, of all people, stand him?" thought Babs aloud. "I don't know, but I'm feeling something strange right now. It's a totally new vibe, and it's coming from the junkyard." "Could it be Fifi?" "Like, I dunno, but it's an awefully strong signal." "Fifi, my love, I don't need anybody but you. I need you and you alone. Not Shirley, not anyone. Just you," cooed Plucky. He was holding Fifi fairly tight and was kind of scaring her. "Plucky, I don't zink you know what you are doing! It's me, Fifi LaFume! Not Shirley! She's the one you want," struggled Fifi. She didn't know what to make of the situation. He didn't appear to be drunk, anymore, and yet, he was acting so strangely. "Shirley? Get real! I've given up on that loon for good! There other fish in the sea, and you're the only one for me!" "But I am not ze fish! I am le mammal! Mephitis mephitis, carnivore, placental mammalian! All zat scientificness sorta stuff! Please, get a grip!" "I've got a good one... on you. Now give me a kiss." Fifi struggled and shoved Plucky several times, but he didn't budge. He leaned over and kissed Fifi on the mouth. Fifi was shocked. She hadn't realized a duck's bill could be so rubbery and soft, rather than bony and hard. That's when she realized Plucky was still drunk. Zat is some vodka she thought to herself, still trying to get free from Plucky's kiss. Than she found the strength she needed. He had slipped her the tongue. "Zat does it! No more Ms. Nice Skunk!" she shouted, shoving Plucky into the side of the car. "Don't you dare lay another finger on me!" Plucky grinned. "What, you mean like this?" Fifi gasped. Plucky's hands were holding firmly onto her breast. He began laughing insanely. Fifi felt the anger rise in her and in one quick movement she had thrown Plucky towards the front of the car. He hit his head against the dashboard and came crashing down, making books of Fifi's laid atop the dashboard fall on top of him. He moaned with pain and then he fell asleep. He was unconscience. Fifi looked at his body and suddenly felt horrible. She couldn't believe he'd done that, but most of all, she couldn't believe she'd done that. She grabbed her coat and walked out into the night air. It was ten o' clock, and where normally she would have been reading a romance novel, she was frantically searching the dump for an old heating pad. She found one with fortunately no holes and ran back to her car. She filled it up with warm water and set it on Plucky's head. She then ran back outside and started crying. That's when Shirley and Babs arrived. "Fifi, you've got some explaining to do-- why are you crying?" asked Babs. She put her hand on Fifi's shoulder and glanced at Shirley. "Was it Plucky?" asked Shirley, with much simpathy. Fifi looked up. Her eyes were read and her cheeks were wet from crying. "No, it's somezing I've done." To Be Continued...