**NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR** When I first started writing this script "Tiny Toon Adventures Final Days" I was hoping to have it out by the time they released James Cameron's "Strange Days." My plan was to release this script on OCT. 13 1995 which was the same day that "Strange Days opened. Since the titles are somewhat similar I had hoped the film would have done better thus, creating a greater hoopla over my story. But alas, one thing you can count on in Hollywood is inconsistency. You should be able to read this in a "word pad" or some other text viewer. Unfortunately when I wrote the story I wrote it in script format. The only problem is that "text" does not recognize "spacing" and or "margins." If you should run into any problems reading the text let me know and I'll see what I can do. My e-mail address is OSCHINDLER@aol.com **ONE LAST THING** This script is filled to the brim with movie references. To further enhance your enjoyment of this script I suggest checking out these films: EVIL DEAD ARMY OF DARKNESS CLERKS RESERVOIR DOGS PULP FICTION DEMON NIGHT WEST SIDE STORY and DUEL. I'm most curious as to what *you think* of the script so let me *know!* :) Also your more than welcome to place this on any BBS on-line system *give it to friends* *where ever you think people will want to read it.* "I just ask that you in no way change it." Sermon over. ENJOY! :) OSCHINDLER aka, Jason Bretz TINY TOON ADVENTURES FINAL DAYS 1. EXT. QUAD AREA OF ACME LOONIVERSITY - MID DAY It's a typically warm and sunny day over Acme Loo. The birds are singing, the chipmunks are stirring, and the students of the Looniversity are milling around the campus, hunting for that last minute of cram time before finals. BABS When's that hack director gonna get this thing started? PLUCKY Yea! my big scene isn't until two more acts! BUSTER I hear he hasn't even finished film school. Where do they find these people? BABS Uh Buster. BUSTER What? PLUCKY Look behind you. Buster turns around with a puzzled yet perturbed expression on his face to see the young director who is feverishly working the zoom lens on the camera. HAMTON I hear he's a friend of Steven's. Fifi waves to the young director who gulps and rubs his sweaty palms on his shirt. BUSTER Steven? Steven Who? BABS Knock it off, blue boy. We've done that bit before. BUSTER Oh yeah. Right. He blushes, rams his hands into his pockets and exits stage right. The others follow Buster off screen. The camera pans up to the clock tower. The time shows 1:20 PM. INT. PEPE LE PEW'S CLASSROOM The shot then dissolves into an interior clock though the time now reads 3:29. The camera pans down to Buster and Calamity who are feverishly writing away at their desks. We can see little puffs of smoke erupt from their pencils. Monty's cheating in the background. PEPE LE PEW Fin'ne. All right pupils it is that time. How do you say, the cows have come home, no? ALL STUDENTS Sigh. Cut to: INT. HALLWAY Buster and Calamity are walking out of the classroom door, and are proceding down the hallway towards the rest of the clan. BUSTER Man, am I beat. These finals are killing me. Calamity nods in agreement. The two worn students continue walking down the long hallway until finally they come across Babs, Plucky, Shirley the Loon, Fifi, and Hamton. BABS How'd it go, Buster? BUSTER Well, I don't know if I learned any French in there, but for now I'm just glad it's over. PLUCKY I don't know about you guys, but I could go for a smorgasbord of refreshment at the Weenie Burger. Waddaya say? Plucky turns to Shirley the Loon. PLUCKY May I escort you, my queen? SHIRLEY You try anything, duck, and your like, history or some junk. Shirley and Plucky walk out the door hand in hand. Every one watches in amazement as the two fowl procede out the door. Babs grabs Buster by the neck and jumps on his back. Buster cringes under the weight but somehow manages to stay upright. BABS You make one comment rabbit and I'll. . . BUSTER What, I didn't say anything. Buster carries Babs out the door. The camera then goes to Fifi who is standing in an extremely sexy/seductive pose. She gestures at Calamity with her finger. Calamity looks around and then realizes that she is looking at him. DIRECTORS NOTE: Any time Calamity has a line it is written on a sign in the style of Wile E Coyote. CALAMITY ME? Fifi nods in agreement. Calamity lets the steam exit from his collar. We then hear an odd but at the same time familiar sound of slop hitting the floor. The moment after we hear the odd noise, Pete Puma enters the screen with his mop, tips his hat. PETE PUMA Howdy. Pete continues mopping the floor until he exits the frame. Calamity shrugs his shoulders and gives the camera a puzzled look. Then in his best suave mode; he walks past Hamton who is staring in amazement. Calamity continues on over to Fifi. The shot then goes back over to Hamton. Hamton sighs, rams his hands in his pockets and mopes out the door. He lets the mechanical hinge slam the door shut causing a loud bang. (The camera sits there motionless for a moment then tilts up to reveal a bright light; one that resembles the light from the mother ship in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. The light becomes brighter and brighter until it fills the entire screen.) INT. WEENIE BURGER-AFTERNOON CUT TO: The camera is positioned inside a refrigerator pointed towards the door. The brightness of the light matches with the inside of the refrigerator. The door opens to reveal the Weenie Burger waitress played by Slappy Squirrel. Slappy is in her grouchy, tired, can't-wait- to-go-home mood. SLAPPY Not only are these cameos making me sick; they're making me fat, too. Slappy grabs a piece of cheesecake, looks around and stuffs the cake down her throat. She then grabs another piece of cake and slams the door shut. The camera is on a hand truck simulating Slappy walking over to our heroes. The restaurant is busy but not so busy that you could not walk in with a party of five and be seated right away. We can see that Fowlmouth has joined them. The shot focues on Plucky and Hamton. PLUCKY Ever wonder how much that Pete guy makes? HAMTON Gee Plucky, I never really thought about it. Hamton is now in a good mood for two reasons. One he can see that Slappy is bringing him his cheesecake. Two, he is in the company of his best friends. Slappy throws the plate down in front of him and his eyes glaze over. HAMTON Gosh, thanks! SLAPPY You want anything to wash it down with? Maybe some buttermilk? BABS Buttermilk?! Ewwww! SLAPPY You remind me ...of a very young...ah nevermind! Lousy teenage upstarts! no good for nothing!. Why when I was. . . (Slappy walks away.) The camera does a rolling pan to the right; the shot is on Buster. BUSTER Let me tell you what the Lion King is about. Its all about this warthog who meets up with this meerkat who goes around hunting for bugs. The entire movie is a metaphor for life. PLUCKY No its not, you hair brained bunny! It's about a lion who becomes a slacker but is destined to become something greater! BUSTER Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Time out little green duck with the ego the size of Cleveland. You can leave that for the tourists! FIFI Robier? Who was Robier? BUSTER The Lion King is not about a young lion growing up to become some slacker who then realizes that he has the potential to become king. That's what Aladdin was about, granted. No argument there. HAMTON Which one was Aladdin? BABS You mean to tell me that you have never heard of Aladdin? HAMTON Gosh, Babs, I guess I've never seen that one. FOWLMOUTH Man! I don't even watch those dadgum sissy kiddy movies and I've heard of the dadgum movie 1000 times! BUSTER (angry) I was saying something here and you guys keep interrupting me. What was I saying again? FIFI Robier! Ahh yes ah remember him now he was zat handsome skunk from le northern Canada. (stares dreamily up at the ceiling) Le sigh. SHIRLEY Like, what is that? FIFI Eet ess my old black book with numbers of boyfriend's that ah knew before ah came to Acme Loo. Ah found eet underneath the back seat of my car in ze junkyard. BUSTER You guys are making me lose my train of thought here. I was saying something. Now what was it? FOWLMOUTH You were saying that Aladdin was about a dadgum boy who grows up to become a dadgum slacker but then realizes that he has the potential to become something greater but yet the dadgum Lion King is a Metaphor for life. BUSTER Ok, let me tell you what the Lion King is about. It's all about this warthog who's a regular eating machine. I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon, eat eat eat eat eat eat eat eat. HAMTON How much eating is that? CALAMITY A lot! BUSTER Then one day he meets up with the meerkat. And it's like: whoa Simba! I mean this cat is like James Bond in the Spy Who Loved Me. He's scammin everything. FIFI George? Who ees this George? BUSTER They're finally getting to eat some grub. Now he's feeling something that he ain't felt since forever. A full stomach! FIFI Francois, Francois Truffaut. BUSTER See the food represents wealth and when he eats he's obtaining wealth and thusly when his stomach becomes full it represents a king's ransom. He burps which is the same thing as a roar is to a lion. Hence, The lion King. FIFI Vincent? SHIRLEY Like give me that book (Shirley snatches the book out of Fifi's hands) you're like disrupting my keen abilities to clear my mind of all this junk! It's like disrupting my aura! FIFI Zat is my book! I cannot believe you! Give eet back! SHIRLEY I'm like sick of hearing it Fifi! It's like bad karma or some junk! For like the past fifteen minutes now, you've been droning on and on about guys you haven't seen since, since high school for crying out loud! I'm like, keeping it until we leave. The camera goes into a two shot of Fifi and Calamity. Fifi is furious. However Calamity is still staring into his cocoa letting the warmth permeate through his fingers. FIFI You crazy coyote! Aren't you going to do something about this loon! Calamity gives us that puzzled look again and then holds up the sign that says. CALAMITY Me? FIFI (With fists clenched she growls at the little coyote.) Arrrrgh! We go back to a two shot of Fifi and Shirley. They are putting up their sleeves as if they are going to go round and round in a fist fight. The lovesick boys look on. Babs steps in-between the two girls. BABS Girls, Girls, Girls, relax. were about to leave anyway. Its almost test time! Now I want you both to apologize to each other. FOWLMOUTH Aw man, I wanted to see a good dadgum cat fight! Unexpectedly Rita enters the scene. She looks at the tastey rooster with feraly in her eyes and "lunch" on her lips. RITA (licking her lips) Don't worry, you'll get one, little boo! Rita pounces on Fowlmouth causing a large dust cloud to erupt. This ends the scene. CUT TO: INT. ACME LOONIVERSITY - EVENING - HAMTON'S CLASSROOM The camera pans down to reveal Hamton sitting in an empty classroom. Hamton gleefully sits in the center of the classroom with his hands folded on the desk CUT TO: INT. ACME LOONIVERSITY - EVENING - BAB'S AND PLUCKY'S CLASSROOM The shot is on Babs and Plucky, who are also sitting in an empty classroom. They find refuge in the right side of the room. Babs is scanning her notes while Plucky counts the holes in the ceiling. Neither of the students have realized that test time has passed. As the camera heads upward, we can see the other toon heroes sitting alone in their classrooms. From this angle we can see Buster and Fifi are together, waiting for their cartoon physics exam to start. Shirley, Calamity, and Fowlmouth are sitting in. . . INT. SYLVESTER'S CLASSROOM FOWLMOUTH When's this dadgum thing gonna start. I wanna be home before the dadgum X-Files comes on. The camera pans over to Shirly who is in a peaceful state with her arms crossed and her eyes closed. Then like a bolt of lightning sent from the heavens Shriley begins to freak. SHIRLEY (excited and nervously) Oom wot a loon I am. Oom wot a loon I am. Oom wot a loon I am. Like something negative just showed up. Oom wot a loon I am. FOWLMOUTH Shirl? uh, Shirl, are you all right? SHIRLEY Oom what a loon I am. Her breathing becomes more and more intense with every passing moment. Her body becomes stiff like a dry piece of lumber. FOWLMOUTH Dadgumit Shirl! What's wrong? SHIRLEY I'm like-trying-to-suppress-the evil! FOWLMOUTH I know that Sylvester's tests are dadgum hard, but they're not this bad! SHIRLEY Like I'm not talking about the test! Something totally bad is like, invading our space and its like, sending mega waves through my aura! Oom wot a loon I am! FOWLMOUTH Calamity! Calamity has had headphones on this entire time. He was listening to Sylvester's previous lecture on tape, had lost all track of time and did not realize that no one had shown up yet. Or the fact that Shirley was in her seizure-like state. SHIRLEY Oom wot a loon I am. (Fowlmouth leaves Shirley's side and runs over to Calamity.) FOWLMOUTH Calamity! Ca-lam-i-ty! (Calamity finally realizes that Fowlmouth is talking to him. He pulls off the head phones.) FOWLMOUTH Dadgumit Calamity! Shirl's freaking out more than usual! Go find us some help. (Calamity who is still in a daze from Sylvester's monotone lectures looks over to Shirl. The camera switches to a POV of Calamity. The camera is out of focus but quickly clears up to reveal Shirl.) FOWLMOUTH Now Calamity! (Calamity looks back up to Fowlmouth and quickly scrambles out of his chair and out the door. The camera then follows Fowlmouth over to Shirley. Fowlmouth gets down on one knee and holds her hand wishing that there was more that he could do.) FOWLMOUTH (Trying to console her.) Calamity's on his way to go get help. Just dadgum hold on will'yas? SHIRLEY Oom wot a loon I am. (In a steady cam shot we can simulate Calamity running. Movements similar to the computer game Doom II. The camera cuts to Calamity rushing from door to door. He peers inside multiple rooms and finds no one. BUSTER What's up Calamity? (Calamity makes several confusing gesters, none of which make any sense.) BUSTER Slow down there pal! What's the problem! (Calamity hunts around in his pockets for a moment and finally pulls out a sign. Buster and Fifi look at the sign and then towards each other and shrug. Calamity spins the sign around so that he can read it. It's blank. In frustration Calamity hucks it and. . .) CUT TO: INT. SYLVESTER'S CLASSROOM (Calamity, Fifi, and Buster race into the class room and hover over Shirley, who is still in a psycho like state.) FIFI What is wrong with Shirl-lee? FOWLMOUTH Uh, I don't know but I know it's dadgum serious. BUSTER Oh yeah, how come? FOWLMOUTH (Nervous and agitated) Because she's letting me hold her dadgum hand! That's why! BUSTER Let's get her out of this chair. Calamity, go and get some water and towels. (Calamity nods in agreement and once again races out the door.) BUSTER Where's Babsy in all of this? (Looking nervously at Shirley and then around the room toward the door) Babsy's the compassionate one. Where the heck is she? CUT TO: INT. BABS' AND PLUCKY'S CLASSROOM Babs and Plucky are sitting in the same seats as when we left them and they look more bored than ever. PLUCKY Is it ten or fifteen minutes before we get to leave the classroom without being counted as absent? BABS I don't know I can never remember. I thought we could leave when ever we wanted? This is college, isn't it? PLUCKY Yeah but, this is a final we have to pass right? BABS (shrug) Right? PLUCKY Well then, where is everybody? They should have been here fifteen minutes ago. (a few seconds pass then Plucky frowns and gets up) Well that's it. This duck has got places to go to people to see and things to do. I'm outta here. (Plucky takes two steps and then gets zapped by an unknown source of electricity. He is of course burnt to a cinder except for his eyeballs.) FORCE Sit down duck! (The powerful voice booms as if it was wired to a ballpark P.A. speaker. However their is no echoing, just a loud booming voice that drives fear into the hearts of mere mortals. Fortunately for Plucky, Babs is no mear mortal.) BABS (irritatedly) Okay blue ears quit clowning around! I've been up all night studying for this stupid exam and i'm not going to let you- (Babs is cut off by the force.) FORCE Silence! (This time Plucky is back in his original form and he jumps into Babs's arms. Just as Scooby Doo would. Babs looks at Plucky in disgrace and drops him on the floor.) BABS Can't you tell when you're being tricked?! It's just Buster trying to pull a fast one, which is all right in most cases. This however, is an exception. PLUCKY (terrified and shaking cowardly) W-w-hat are you going to do? BABS I'm going to the video room to teach that rabbit some manners. Are you coming? PLUCKY No way am I going out there! You're on your own sister! BABS All right, suit yourself, chicken. (grins devilishly) But you're gonna miss all the fun. PLUCKY Hey you weren't the one zapped by 10,000 volts! No way I'm losing any more feathers. (Plucky cowers in a corner while Babs leaves the room. the door slams shut causing Plucky to jump. Upon Plucky's splashdown, he is once again zapped in the tail. It's burnt to a crisp and ashes fall off. Plucky looks down at his tail and starts quiver) PLUCKY Baaaaaabs! Plucky races out of the room in a lighting flash leaving only a trail of smoke behind. CUT TO: INT. ACME LOONIVERSITY HALLWAY Calamity is carrying a bucket of water that is way too heavy for him. It drags lifelessly along the ground spilling water everywhere except in the bucket. Plucky races by him. PLUCKY Outta my way! Danger's on the prowl! Plucky runs right past Calamity leaving Calamity in a trail of smoke. Calamity stands there looking at the green blur for a brief moment. Calamity then goes back to trudging along with the heavy bucket of water. CUT TO: INT. SYLVESTER'S CLASSROOM The screen is black. However, we can hear some movement and finally a large splash. Two slits open in the middle of the blackness. You can make out some familiar outlines amongst the blurry ones. SHIRLEY What have you done, rooster?! Shirley grabs Fowlmouth and looks at him right in the eye. (goto two shot) She is sopping wet and wants answers. BUSTER Relax Shirl! Everything is all right. It's just Babsy playing a trick. Everyone except the pink prankster is gonna be all right. Doesn't she know that I was up all night studying for this thing?! FIFI What waz zat awful noise? BUSTER Babs. She's the only one who would have the gall to pull a stunt like this on a test day. To the video room! CUT TO: INT. ACME LOONIVERSITY VIDEO ROOM (The camera pans around the room to reveal the equipment used to put on the Acme Looniversity news show. The equipment is a tad dated however it's better than most of the equipment used by schools. In bursts Buster.) BUSTER All right Babsy what are you- He's cut off by a pink blur that is hurling toward him. The Pink blur slams Buster in to the ground. The pink blur and Buster wrestle in a frenzy until the pink blur gets Buster into a pin. Babs sits on top of Buster who is a tad delusional from the hit. FIFI Ahh vous two all right? BABS (Angrily) Yes, Fifi, we're just fine. Babs picks Buster off the ground. And proceeds to dust herself off. Buster is coming out of his befuddled state. BUSTER What was all that about? BABS I thought you were maybe in the mood? BUSTER In the mood? In the mood? In the mood for what? What were you thinking pulling a stunt like this! BABS (flustered and taken back) Buster I-I didn't know I... BUSTER How did you do it? How did you get the whole stinking school in on it? BABS I'm sorry Buster! It just kind of slipped! I won't let it happen in public again. BUSTER What do you mean in public again?! The whole dang school knows about it! Where is everybody? BABS Wait a minute. I thought this was a stunt of yours? BUSTER Stunt! What Stunt? BABS The voice! BUSTER That wasn't me. I thought it was you?! BABS Me?! Why would I pull a stunt like that? You know how hard I've had to study for this test! No way would I screw up my chances wasting time, trying to pull off some stupid gag! BUSTER If it wasn't you, who then!? FORCE Me. (The voice once again booms causing the ground to slightly shake.) BABS All right mister, C'mon outta there. The gig is up! FORCE You are just as predictable as you are on tv. BABS What? What was that? FORCE You heard me. You're predictable. look at you. All of you. You act the same way regardless of the situation. FOWLMOUTH Hey you dadgum no good excuse for an evil type demon! Cm'on out and fight like a man! FORCE Oh shutup you insignificant little rooster. Why your're not even a major player in this show. Look at you. your mentor is who? FOWLMOUTH Foghorn? FORCE That's right Foghorn Leghorn. You all remember him don't you. All he did was yack, yack, yack, yack, yack, yack. He never shut up. I ask you, what kind of base is that to build a character on? FOWLMOUTH (uncertian) But I... FORCE But what? You have nothing To say, do you? You have no fan Club. Your're not even in the original Press kit photo with Steven Spielberg. FOWLMOUTH No... I was- FORCE You were looking for other work on Another show. What was it called again? PLUCKY (Snickering) Mighty Max? (Everyone turns to Plucky and gives him a dirty look. He stops snickering.) FORCE Right. Mighty max, you were going to Try out for the part of the Wise fowl, were you not? I guess you just wern't wise enough. What did you think, that You could fool them or something? Or are you more ambitious Then any of us suspected? (pause) Did you try for the part of max? (force breaks out in laughter) (laugh) And look where that show is now. Seven A.M.? Who is up at Seven in the morning any more? (Plucky crawls out from behind a set of curtains in the opposite side of the room.) PLUCKY I-I was Mr. Strange Being, sir. FORCE I don't remember asking you anything! Plucky once again gets zapped in the rear. Not enough to knock him out or anything but enough to send him hiding behind the curtain. FORCE The point is, you're washed up. You're not even supposed to be here. You should have been wiped out With the rest of the worthless Junk around here. But no matter. You're good for a cheap laugh now and again. Fowlmouth basically breaks down in tears as his ego is slowly crushed by the force. (Above Fowlmouth's head appears a Camaro with the words "EGO" written on the side. The makebelive Camaro is abruptly crushed by a "car compactor.") FORCE Get'em when there down eh Fifi? Fifi stands up from her crouched position and faces the strange new enemy. FIFI What are you talking about vous-vous deranged how vou say loon-i-teec!" What iz it that vou want from us? We have nothing to give vou! What have vou- FORCE En contraire ma. Cherie. You have more than you can imagine. All of you. Well, except for you, Fowlmouth. BUSTER Enough! That's it you come in here, make me late for my test, ruffle up my cast and nearly put Shirl completely out of her mind! Just-just what do you want?! You won't even show yourself! I have to stand here and yell at a loud speaker! (Buster is enraged and breathing hard as Babs comes up to his side.) FORCE All right. No more small talk. I agree. Let's get on with it, shall we? The camera does a pan over the frightened youngsters. They stand huddled together like chickens in a chicken coup. FORCE Your show Tiny Toon Adventures has fallen far behind in the ratings. Let's just say that you and Tony Danza shall soon be sharing a time slot. or how about a square on a certain game show? BUSTER Get to the point. FORCE My, aren't you a feisty little one. I like that in a star. Okay here's the deal. I was made by you. Well not just by you, but all the students, all the professors, all the employees, of this fine institution you call Acme Looniversity. BUSTER Wait, let me get this straight. You're the school. FORCE I am all the hatred, all the anxiety, all the frustration, all the fear that has accrued since the construction of this school. Every sworn word every impure thought. Shirley looks at Plucky and Fowlmouth with an ever so evil look. Plucky and Fowlmouth look as though they have no idea as to what's going on. FORCE Every unfavorable moment that has ever occurred here has snowballed into the almighty power that lies before you. But enough about me, let's talk about you. Look on the monitor to your left. On the bank of editing equipment lies a 27inch television. The screen is kind of fuzzy, but a picture quickly comes into focus. It's Hamton. He's tied up in a chair in a room that we have never seen before. Just a plain room with no distinct markings. BABS Ooh my gosh! We forgot about Hamton! What did you do to Hamton?! FORCE Nothing yet. Don't worry about him. He'll be all right for now. BABS You harm one hair on that little piggy head of his and I'll-I'll-I don't know what I'll do. But I know you won't like it! FORCE See you shouldn't give up so easily. Now what kind of divine power would I be if I didn't give you a sporting chance? BUSTER Eh? A sporting chance? FORCE See? The more character you build Into yourself, the more I can take away. See? So while you try to survive, I gain more power. Look, i'd love to explain it to you but this is full with complex things you just wouldn't understand. And now (pause) the fun begins. This last attack really sets Babs off. BABS What complex things that I wouldn't understand? BUSTER I think that we should- BABS No, I'm sick of it! Who is this guy anyway? What does he want?! Just at that moment, there is a loud "bang!" from the corner opposite the door. FIFI What waz zat? SHIRLEY I, like, have a bad feeling about this. The floor, walls, and everything else is being eaten up by empty space. The structure of the building begins crumbling and turning into what looked like a background for Star Wars. Everyone stands in amazement just looking at the phenomenon taking place. BUSTER (screaming at the top of his lungs) Let's get outta here! BABS But what about Hamton? (pointing to the loud speaker) I'll kill you, you thing! He's alive! He's alive! BUSTER All right I believe you, he's alive, but we've got to go now! (Buster turns to Calamity.) BUSTER Calamity! Help me get them out of here! Buster grabs Babs by the arm and flings her out the door. Calamity then grabs Fifi and does the same. The rest follow, including Plucky. The room has been nearly engulfed by the void. The video equipment tumbles off into emptiness. Babs and Fifi push the door closed with all their might. They lean up against it with a sigh of relief. BABS AND FIFI (In unison, wipeing their foreheads with their arms) "Wheeew." "Le gasp." PLUCKY What are we gonna do? BUSTER We're gonna find Hamton, that's what. (Buster grabs the left hand of the screen and pulls the side over so it has a wipe effect leading us into the next scene.) INT. EMPTY JANITORIAL ROOM Our shot opens with Hamton sitting in an empty room with the exception of an industrialsized sink and a few cleaning utensils scattered about. We're looking at him from behind and the camera rotates around to his front. FORCE Cheer up, Hamton. Your friends are on their way. HAMTON W-w-why are you doing this to us? FORCE I'm hungry. HAMTON I'm hungry too. Do you have anything to eat? FORCE Hamton, Hamton, Hamton. Don't you see what i'm talking about. HAMPTON No, I'm talking to a speaker. FORCE Isn't it clear? Do I have to spell it out for you? Maybe if I draw a picture. HAMTON I just want to go home! FORCE I know, I know. That's what I'm talking about. We all know that you're insecure, that you're always hungry. Nothing ever changes around here, Hamton. HAMTON That's just the way we are. We don't change the way we act because of the ratings. Sure we come up with different stories and different settings. It's all just being part of a variety show. FORCE It just doesn't feel special enough. You all have so much potential. It's too bad that you don't use it. It's really sad. HAMTON My friends will come looking for me. FORCE That's what I'm counting on. INT. ACME LOONIVERSITY HALLWAY The toonsters are running down the hallway toward the southern end of the building. BABS Where are we going Buster? BUSTER To the computer room. FOWLMOUTH What makes you so dadgum sure that the computers are going to work. BABS Yeah, nothing else seems to work in this place. The doors to the outside won't budge. The windows have been bricked in. The phones are dead. And worst of all- PLUCKY No cable. BABS (gives Plucky a dirty look) Right, no cable. (concerned) We couldn't even get the HAM radio in Porky's office to transmit. What are we going to do, Buster? BUSTER I'm hoping Calamity can get jacked into to the Net and maybe we can talk to somebody. After that, I'm all out of ideas. INT. ACME LOONIVERSITY COMPUTER LAB The gang sits around in chairs all staring blankly into mindless screen savers that are randomly bouncing around the screen. Calamity hammers away at the keys on the keyboard. Buster and Babs look on. BABS I wonder why we haven't heard from our friend in a while? BUSTER That's a good thing. The less we hear from him the better. How much longer Calamity? Calamity throws his hands up in the air and shooes the two rabbits away. He quickly returns to his computer. Buster and Babs return to the others. FIFI I hope zat, zat thing hasn't done anything to Hamton. BABS (laying a hand on her sholder) We're all hoping for that, Fif. SHIRLEY Maybe we should like split up, instead of sitting around here like some mondo negatory nuclear waste dump or some junk. FOWLMOUTH Yeah! Lets go find the pig! Then we'll rough up that no good "bleep" "bleep" excuse for a bad guy. BUSTER I don't like the idea of splitting up. We don't have any way of communicating with each other. Let's just let Calamity do his thing and we'll wait here- FOWLMOUTH That's exactly what that thing was talking about! PLUCKY Hey, I just remembered something. Plucky leaves the argument and walks over to the teachers desk. (The camera is still with Fowlmouth and Buster.) BUSTER What are you talking about? FOWLMOUTH I'm talking about the lack of things that go on around here! You two rabbits get all the attention while the rest of us sit around and wait for what? A brief cameo appearance!? (The shot goes to Plucky who is ransacking the teachers desk. We can still hear the argument in the background. The topic hasn't changed.) SHIRLEY Like, what are you looking for Plucky? PLUCKY My yo-yo. Granny took it away from me last week and now that she's not here it's my chance to get it back. (Plucky continues looking for the yo-yo while Buster and Fowlmouth heat up the argument.) FOWLMOUTH Who put you in dadgum charge anyway! BUSTER This is my show! I brought you here! This is my creation. I decide who stays who goes and what gets said! It's all up to me. I pioneered this gig! Because of this show Warners now has two more shows just like it. This is my voyage! The rest of you are just tourists! BABS Just tourists Huh?! BUSTER (quickly catching himself) Eh heh! I wasn't referring to you, Babsy. FOWLMOUTH Warners has got two more shows huh! Well that's just dadgum dandy. Have they offered any of us dadgum work!? I think not! The fact is this ship is sinking and your not doing any bleep" thing about it! (The argument continues. Plucky losing patience with the desk is slamming doors and throwing stuff on the floor.) PLUCKY This stupid desk. I don't know how Granny finds anything in here. SHIRLEY Like quit looking for that stupid yo-yo. PLUCKY But its my yo-yo and I want it back. Enghhh. Ahh their it is. (Plucky pulls the bottom drawer of the desk open and pulls out the red Duncan yo-yo. Plucky wraps the string around his index finger. He proceedes to do a number of fancy tricks.) FIFI (to Shirley) I'm going to see what zat crazy coyote is doing. (Fifi gets up from her chair and walks over to Calamity, who has come to a boiling point with the computer. She walks past Fowlmouth. Buster and Babs have calmed down from their recent encounter; but like a diffused bomb in the wrong hands. At the same time, however, Calamity has become so enraged with the infernal contraption, he picks up the monitor and hurls it at the wall. (Crash!) Fifi frowns at Calamity's actions. Calamity plops down in his chair and holds up a sign. CALAMITY It's hopeless. PLUCKY Well what on Earth are we going to do now? BUSTER I don't know. Don't look at me like I know what's going on. Apparently I'm not the leader around here anymore. Ask the Poultry (Buster points to Fowlmouth) over there. BABS I know what we're gonna do now. We're gonna find Hamton and then get out of here. While the toons were arguing, a small evil chuckle is heard. However, the toonsters do not notice. Nor did they notice the small plumes of chalk dust dripping off of the eraser holder which is attached to the chalkboard. As the chalk evily oozes off of (Plucky was still messing around with the yo-yo trying to impress Shirley.) PLUCKY Hey Shirley, check this out. (Plucky does the "Walk the Dog" trick followed by "Rock the Cradle." Shirley, who has been uninterested in Plucky's new toy, glances over to see a new menace standing behind Plucky. Shirley screams.) SHIRLEY (screaming) Like, look behind you Pluck-y! The rest of the clan looks in wonder as an eightfoot creature (resembeling "The Thing" from "The Fantastic Four") with no face and made entirely out of chalk stands before them. Plucky turns around. The yo-yo string raps around him going in all sorts of directions. PLUCKY (screaming) Help me mom-my! Babs quickly drops him. The ground shakes as he hits the floor. FOWLMOUTH Is this the best you can do, Mr. "Bleep"? Get real! The guy's made of chalk! FIFI Torment at thiz point is how you say foolish? FOWLMOUTH There's' nothing to be scared of. What's he gonna do, chalk us to death? At that moment the "Chalk Monster" flings a piece of chalk with it's hand. Like a bullet it flies towards Fowlmouth. Fowlmouth ducks. The flying death chalk crashes into the wall leaving a rather large hole. ALL TOGETHER Aaaaahhhh! The monster fires more chalk rounds at the clan, causing an enormous cloud of dust to go flying through the air. The toonsters once again are forced to retreat from the evil menace. Buster gets the attention of the beast. The rest race out of the room. BUSTER Come on you overgrown excuse for a writing utensil. Look at me! I'm over here! Buster frantically waves his arms trying to attract the attention of the monster with an eraser. Unfortunately, it works. The monster quickly homes in on Buster and fires several rounds of chalk. Buster eyes the fire extinguisher mounted on the wall. He goes for it. BUSTER Here's hoping. Buster pulls the trigger, letting out a high pressure blast of water that punctures a hole right through the chalk monster. The monster looks down to check the damage. Buster runs with the fire extinguisher over to the beast. He jumps on a desk knocking over a computer. BUSTER Drink this. Buster fires the jet of water right at the head of the monster, causing it to explode. The Monster drops to the ground. Buster gets into his most manly pose. BUSTER The name's Bunny. Buster Bunny. At that moment four more chalk monsters drop from the ceiling. Buster once again pulls the trigger. This time, however, the jet of water quickly dissolves into a drizzle. BUSTER Uh oh. Buster drops the extinguisher and makes a beeline for the door. The Chalk Monsters are close behind. They fire. They miss. This time a shell explodes next to Buster covering him in chalk. BABS Come on Buster quit clowning around! Buster dives on the floor next to Babs. His face is covered in chalk giving him that circus clown look. They both embrace and are ready to kiss passonitly however, this is once again cut short by several blasts from the chalk monsters. BUSTER It never fails, does it? BABS Just when you thought it was safe. The two bunnies catch up with the rest of the clan on the bottom floor. Everyone is huffing and puffing from the excitement. Buster dusts himself off. BUSTER Would someone mind clapping me out? Babs however still has some of Buster's chalk around her mouth from where she touched him. FIFI Babs's has been petting the bunny no? BABS What? Oh, Thanks Fifi. Babs wipes her mouth with her sleeve. The girls giggle. FOWLMOUTH/PLUCKY (in unison) Give you any ideas Shirley? They both look at each other surprised at first but it then quickly turns to anger. Shirley gets ready to zap them with a bolt of lighting. But the moment before she fires, the elevator doors behind them open up to release a bright red liquid. SHIRLEY Like what is it Buster? Buster grabs a handful and sniffs it then takes a sample taste. BUSTER It's Cherry Jell-o. FOWLMOUTH Cherry Jell-o? I dadgum hate Cherry Jell-o. With every passing moment the amount of Jell-o increases, causing the toonsters to start sliding away. They try holding on, but its no use. The violent storm of Jell-o carries them down the corridors of the school, smashing them into the walls, furniture, etc. . . BABS Bus-ter! Dooo Something! BUSTER Do what? In a rare cameo appearance, we are fortunate to see the Peanuts characters float by on their rafts from "Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown." PLUCKY What was that all about? And how much are they getting for this? FOWLMOUTH I don't know, but it must be a dadgum lot. FIFI Uhh oh. Hold on to les boy-friends. Fifi grabs Calamity and squeezes him as Elymra would. Though love is normally her priority, this time it was an added bonus for it was out of fear that Fifi grabbed Calamity. The entire gang heads down the stairwell that leads to the prop room. PLUCKY (Mournfully) I wonder what's happening to Hamton? No telling what that horrid monster is doing to him. BABS I wish he was here with us right now. FOWLMOUTH Yeah, I do too. That way he can eat our way out. Though the Plucky/Fowlmouth situation was already in a bad state of affairs, this latest insult pushes Plucky over the edge. However, being in the situation that they were in at the moment, the only thing that Plucky can do is give Fowlmouth a dirty look. INT. EMPTY JANITORS ROOM HAMTON (Hamton's piggy laugh) Ha Ha Oh please no more. Huh Ha Ha Ha This is to funny! The camera pans up and now instead of just a wooden chair Hamton now has an entire couch complete with end table. Furnished on the end table is a large popcorn bowl filled with popcorn. In front of Hamton stands an LCD video projector complete with screen. HAMTON AND FORCE (break out laughing) HA HA HA HA HA. INT. ACME LOONIVERSITY PROP ROOM The camera focuses on a large green door in the background. We can here some muffled sounds of screaming and what sounds like a massive amount of liquid gushing around. The sound gets louder and louder as time passes, until finally the door bursts open with the force of the Jell-o. The Jell-o pours through the door as though as there was a funnel separating our heroes from the slop. Buster, Babs, Fifi, Plucky, Fowlmouth, Shirley, and of course Calamity. The Jell-o mysteriously drains out of sight. CUT TO: MCU on Plucky. He sits dazed for a moment wiping the slop out of he eyes and shaking the rest out of his tail. Through Plucky's POV we can see that the rest of the toonsters are doing the same. The camera pans around and goes past an extra-large Green Armoire. The doors are open and it is filled with weapons. Plucky's eyes pass the cache of weapons briefly but in a double take he quickly focuses in on them. PLUCKY We're saved! He runs up to the Armoire, grabs one of the Shotguns off of the rack and starts kissing it. The gun is bigger than he is. PLUCKY Where have you been all my life? The rest of the toonsters, who are now completely dried off, eye the Armoire. This is the first time that we get a clear shot of the arsenal. In it are weapons from every era of filmmaking from single shot revolvers used in silent westerns, to the more advanced stuff like the M-41a pulse rifle used in Aliens and Arnold's Gatling gun used in T2. BABS I didn't know they had all this down here. BUSTER Yeah, it's been here since the creation of the school. Junior members just don't get to use them. Not until they can prove they can handle other things such as mallets, pies, and banana peels. FOWLMOUTH Now we're talking. We'll show those monsters who's dadgum boss. SHIRLEY Like use your head or some junk. You're gonna like shoot your eye out with that thing. FOWLMOUTH The only ones who are going to get shot are those who get in my way. Fowlmouth racks the slide on another shotgun. Calamity takes Fifi by the arm. They walk off screen unnoticed. BUSTER I don't think this is such a good idea. Someone might end up hurt. FOWLMOUTH Yeah, and someone might end up dipped by one of those things. Who knows what that bad guy has in store for us? You're right, though it's not a good idea. BABS It's not? FOWLMOUTH It's a dadgum great idea! Now, if only we had some bullets. BUSTER Er, um, uh, let's go look for shells in the other room. Come on guys. SHIRLEY You guys like have know idea what you are doing or some junk. PLUCKY Hey, what's in this locked box? BUSTER That I *know* is not a good idea. Plucky, let's go into the other room and- Plucky cuts off Buster by smashing in the small wooden drawer that was built in to the armoire with the butt end of the gun. Several dozen shells come pouring out, resting on the floor. Fowlmouth's and Plucky's eyes light up. They dive for the bullets. PLUCKY/FOWLMOUTH All right! Shot gun shells! Woo hoo! BABS Do you two even know how those things work? PLUCKY Of course, what could be so hard? Just point and shoot. Like a camcorder. FOLWMOUTH Only louder! Besides I've seen enough of those action films to know what's going on. You just take this shell, ya'see, and stick it in here, no wait a minute... um, maybe over here... no, uh, how-bout. . . BABS Great! Now we've got Laurel and Hardy meet Rambo. BUSTER Yeah, and we still need to find Hamton. (While the toonsters look over the new toys, evil once again starts lurking about. This time, the zombies are loose. Not just any zombies but those who were once Studio Network Executives.) FOWLMOUTH Hey, I think I've dadgum got it. (Fowlmouth racks the slide on the oversized shotgun and swings it over to one of the blank walls.) FOWLMOUTH I've always wanted to do this. BUSTER Wait! You're not gonna do what I think your gonna do? FOWLMOUTH Just dadgum watch me. BUSTER Cover your ears, Babsy. Through Fowlmouth's POV, we can see down the barrel of the shot gun. Fowlmouth raises the heavy weapon and pulls the trigger. (Kaboom!) The gun knocks an unprepared Fowlmouth on his rear end. Nothing happens to the wall. SHIRLEY (breaks out laughing/snickering) FOWLMOUTH Man, what's wrong with this dadgum piece of junk? PLUCKY Here, you're not doing this right. Let me show you how it's done. Watch this, Shirl. Plucky raises the heavy firearm and sets his sights on the same wall that Fowlmouth did. Plucky pulls the trigger. (click) FOWLMOUTH Man, you can't even get it dadgum loaded right. BUSTER Did you remember to cock it, Sly? PLUCKY Oh, oh yeah. Plucky racks the slide on the shotgun and aims for the wall again. At that moment we hear a loud boom boom boom coming from the door through which the toons entered. SHIRLEY Like w-w-what was that? BUSTER I-I-don't know. Everyone get behind Plucky. PLUCKY Me? What are you gonna do? BABS You're gonna save us. Remember, Mr. Rambo? BUSTER I-I-It's up to you pal. PLUCKY No way! I was just playing around I'm not fighting what's on the other side of that door. Here bunny, you're the star! You take the gun. Plucky hands Buster the shotgun and ducks behind Babs. SHIRLEY Like what happened to Fifi and Calamity? They were like here a moment ago. "Boom-boom-boom." BABS Be careful, Buster. BUSTER Sh-sh-sh sure. Buster is shaking so hard that he can hardly hold the gun up right. He points it toward the origin of the sounds. Boom-boom-boom. This time the door/barricade doesn't hold and the Zombies break through. ZOMBIES Cancel-Cancel-Cancel. (monotonously) BABS Ahhhhhrrrrggh! Zombies! Why did it have to be zombies? Fire the stupid gun, Buster! FOWLMOUTH Yeah, do it already! (Buster aims the gun towards the first zombie. He closes his eyes and fires the cannon (kaboom!) The zombies still keep coming. PLUCKY You missed, you dumb bunny. Now we're all gonna be canceled by the blood sucking network exective zombies! I don't wanna die! Take the rabbit! It's his show! SHIRLEY Like shut up Plucky! (She zaps him with another bolt of electricity) BABS I knew it wouldn't work. Nothing works. BUSTER I-I-don't know what went wrong! I aimed right at them! SHIRLEY Like do something Buster! They're getting closer! From across the room Fifi and Calamity return with two large cardboard boxes. Fifi sets hers down and yells at Buster. FIFI Bust'er! Here ah know what iz wrong with ze guns! You're firing ze studio blanks. BUSTER Blanks! In the mean time the zombies come closer. Calamity runs over to Fowlmouth who has the other shotgun. He snatches it from the rooster and quickly loads it while Fifi pushes the heavy ammo box across the ground. Calamity loads in six shells and swings the large gun at the monsters. The rest duck and cover their ears. (KABOOM!) Calamity fires the first round. It's a direct hit in the center of the zombie. The round puts a large hole in the zombie, causing it's guts to be thrown every where. Calamity racks another round and fires. (KABOOM!) This time it takes off the head of the zombie. It drops to the floor. He homes in on the second one (KABOOM). Another hit. Buster picks up some shells from Fifi's box and loads them in. Calamity fires again (KABOOM!) this time hitting the zombie next to the door. He holds up a sign. CALAMITY Com'on, help me! BUSTER Okay I've almost got it. (Buster racks a round into the chamber) Thats it. Buster fires the gun at the next zombie. (KABOOM!) He racks another round into the chamber. Calamity does the same. They look at each other with evil grins. They then turn their attention to the zombies and fire. (KABOOM!!) This noise is twice as loud and it has twice the fire power. The rounds hit the zombie both high and low, causing its guts to be flung against the wall. Plucky, still wanting to join in the fun, climbs up the armoire towards the handheld gatling gun. The gun is twice as big as Plucky and three times the weight. He pulls and tugs as hard as he can. Meanwhile Buster and Calamity keep fighting. (KABOOM!) (KABOOM!) Calamity is out of ammo and begins to reload while Buster continues to fight. BUSTER Fowlmouth! Grab a gun and help me out here! Babs, find us a way out of this nest! BABS Where? I can't dig us out because the ground is rock-solid concrete! And... oh my gosh! Look, Buster, look! They're coming through the office door! BUSTER I can't keep this up much longer! BABS I've got an idea! BUSTER It's about time! (KABOOM!) Meanwhile Plucky is still pulling on the gatling gun. PLUCKY Errrrrrgggh! The gun finally comes loose and gravity pulls it towards the ground, leaving Plucky hanging in the air with the weight of the gun stretching his arms off-screen. The weight of the gun times its velocity will cause it to make a hole in the ground. PLUCKY Mother. Plucky drops to the bottom of the screen with a (woosh!) PLUCKY Aaaaarrrrrrgghhhh! The large gun is headed right towards Babs. FIFI Babs! Look out! Babs looks at Fifi (surprised) and then without hesitation Fifi dives at Babs, removing her from the path of Plucky and his cannon. The large gun just barely misses her. It smashes a large hole in the floor. (CRASH!) Meanwhile Buster, Calamity, and Fowlmouth continue firing. BABS Thanks Fifi. FIFI Anytime, Babs. BABS So what's going on with you and Calamity? Where did you two go? (Babs nudges Fifi.) FIFI What? Vous think ah am going to tell vous with all theze boyz around? BABS (grins) Oh yeah, right. SHIRLEY You like *better* tell us or some junk, and like where did Plucky go? Buster is reloading rounds into his shotgun. Meanwhile, Calamity and Fowlmouth finish off the last zombie. (KABOOM!) They drop to the floor in exhaustion. FOWLMOUTH (Breathing hard) Aw man -what - a - rush! BUSTER Where did that cowardly duck go? BABS He fell down that hole. Fifi, Buster, Babs, and Shirley crowd around the hole while Fowlmouth and Calamity get more ammo and examine some other weapons. SHIRLEY Plucky? Are you like okay? PLUCKY Yeah, with the exception of my pride, I'm all right. FIFI What iz down there? PLUCKY A parking garage. ALL A parking garage? INT. PARKING GARAGE (Sub floor below Acme Loo Prop Room) The scene opens with Babs sliding down a long rope into the parking garage. BABS Comein' down, blue ears. BUSTER Roger Rabbit. BABS We've done that one before too, remember? BUSTER The Looney Beginning? BABS That it was. Babs slides all the way down the pole right into Buster's arms. She lays limp in his arms like a princess being carried off by her night in shining armor. BABS (in the tradition of thirteen-something) My night in shining armor has arrived! BUSTER Rope it in. Babs gives Buster a quick kiss on the cheek. BABS For once we weren't interrupted. BUSTER Kinda nice isn't it? They sit staring into each other's eyes neither blinking nor saying anything. Until Plucky comes along. PLUCKY Come on! There'll be plenty of time for that later. Look what I found! Plucky points over to the small guard house located on the right hand side of the garage. The rest of the gang is crowded into the small room. BUSTER What is it? PLUCKY Check this out. You're gonna love this! Inside the guard house is a rack filled with car keys. Some are plain; others have key fobs, etc. BABS So like whose cars are these anyway? PLUCKY They're our teachers, of course! BABS How do you know? PLUCKY Because this one has Daffy's picture on it. Plucky holds up the picture and on it is indeed Daffy standing next to an 1989 Zimmer. The car resembles something out of the 1950's but twice as gaudy. With its chrome exhaust headers, oversized running boards, and a handmade gold- plated grill. PLUCKY Let's go see what it can do. BUSTER Remember what just happened up stairs? PLUCKY Yeah, that was different. This is fun! BUSTER (muttering to him self) Crazy duck's gonna get us all- PLUCKY What was that friend? BUSTER Oh-oh nothing I was just wondering what Fowlmouth and Calamity are doing up their still. Ca-lam-ity! Fowl-Mouth! Hurry up and get down here! (Buster is yelling loud enough so Calamity and Fowlmouth can hear.) CUT TO: INT. PROP ROOM Calamity and Fowlmouth have themselves loaded to the gills with stuff. A crossbow, Uzi 9mm, Spas 12 Auto Loading Shotgun, double barrel/overunder shot guns, 44Cal. Desert Eagle, Glock 9mm, smoke bombs, one M41-a pulse rifle. FOWLMOUTH (yelling) Yeah, we'll be right dadgum down. Keep your dadgum panties on! He looks at Calamity who is dressed like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando. FOWLMOUTH Man, what do those guys dadgum want from us! Don't they realize just how dadgum heavy this stuff is? Calamity just stands there "unable to move really" from the weight of all the equipment. He nods his head in agreement. A subtle (boom) comes from one of the walls. FOWLMOUTH Did you hear something? CALAMITY (Calamity struggles to get a sign out.) No. A little louder "Boom" FOWLMOUTH See! there it is again! It must be those dadgum exces again! Don't they know who they're dadgum dealing with? (boom) C'mon! Let's get this stuff out of here before we have to waste any more ammo on those lousy dadgum good-for-nothing execs. Gangway! (Fowlmouth starts pushing the stuff down the hole. The weapons though in cardboard boxes make a loud "slap" upon reaching the floor. "Boom." This time its louder. ) FOWLMOUTH Don't just stand there, you worthless coyote! Help me throw "Boom!" this dadgum "BOOM!" stuff " BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! uh oh. Fowlmouth feverishly starts throwing stuff down the hole that Plucky made. Calamity stands there trying to move. "BOOM!! BOOM!! BOOM!!" It gets closer. Finally with one really large BOOM, the prop room wall comes crashing down. There stands a Tyrannosaurus Rex in all its glory. Not the cute, feeble one from "Rock n Roar" but the one from Jurassic Park. It heads towards Fowlmouth and Calamity. Without, looking Fowlmouth grabs everything around him and tosses it down the hole. Among the things are Calamity. INT. PARKING GARAGE Calamity hits the floor. "Crash!" The stuff that Calamity has strapped to him explodes and flies all over the place. (However it is not the kind of explosion where heat is involved.) He stands up and smiles. CALAMITY I'm free! From the view over Calamity's shoulder we see Fowlmouth come hurtling towards the ground face-first. "Splat!" SHIRLEY Oh my gosh! It's FM! He's like hurt! BUSTER Babs. Babs where are you? Oh my gosh, where's Babs! At that particular moment a loud roar comes from the dark end of the garage. The gang huddles together, shivering in fear. Meanwhile Fowlmouth regains his composure and grabs the shotgun that lays at his feet. FOWLMOUTH C'mon! Come get some, you dadgum scaly reptilian hulk! Why, you make Bill Bixby look tall! (Fowlmouth fires several rounds at the hole that Plucky made. "Bam!" "Bam!" "Bam!" The prop room floor begins to crack from the weight of the dinosaur. He runs over to the rest of the gang and covers their tails. There is no longer any fear in his eyes.) (POV of everyone else who is standing in a huddled circle like chickens during a thunderstorm. The roar comes closer.) BUSTER W-w-what is it now? CALAMITY A snow cone maker? Plucky who is now behind the wheel of Daffy's Zimmer fires up the oversized engine. He pokes his head out of the driver's side window. PLUCKY Over here, guys! It's our ticket out of here! BUSTER I think I'd rather take my chances with the unknown. Just then, from out of the shadows comes something so terrifying, so unthinkable, so insane! It's Babs behind the wheel of a fully loaded Hummer. The camera does a "Sam Raimi dolly out zoom in" shot of Babs in the large truck. BABS (evil grin) He he he he. BUSTER AHH! Babs what are you doing playing around with that thing! BABS (seductively) It's my new toy. You like? BUSTER Hum-a-da Hum-a-da Hum-a-da Hum-a-da. Buster stands there drooling at Babs, while the rest try to decide which is the lesser of three evils. The large Tyrannosaur, the duck, or the rabbit. Just then, the prop room floor gives way. (CRASH!) The dino plummets onto the pavement. He is dizzy for a moment but quickly regains consciousness. CUT TO: INT of Bab's Hummer The Hummer and Zimmer fly down the long corridors of the school's underground parking garage. The Hummer is in the lead. With Babs driving, her passengers Fifi, Calamity, and Buster, hang on for dear life as the powerful Hummer races downward. BUSTER Man, how far does this thing go? BABS I have no idea but it's fun isn't it? BUSTER Maybe I should have gone with Plucky. BABS What was that? BUSTER Oh, I said how lucky we were er-um-to-um have-gone with you. Just never mind and keep your eye on the road! L-ook out! Just then another car pulls out in front of Babs. She swerves just in time to miss it. BABS Hey wa'tch-it mac! Babs shakes her fist at the car. FIFI Who was in zat car? Calamity turns around in his seat to look out the rear window at the passing automobile. He "gulps." CALAMITY No one! CUT TO: INT of Daffy's Zimmer. With the Dinosaur right behind them Plucky tries his best to keep the oversized car on the road. FOWLMOUTH Dadgum move it will ya! PLUCKY Whadda ya think I'm trying to do here? Fowlmouth manually rolls down the window of the Zimmer and sits on the edge with his upper body sticking out. FOWLMOUTH Hey look everybody! I'm riding shot gun! SHIRLEY (to the camera) As if their haven't been enough references in this thing already. Fowlmouth twirls the lever action shotgun in his right hand racking a round into the chamber. (Like the Rifle Man) And fires at the ensuing enemy. However Plucky hits a pothole. "Bam!" Fowlmouth blasts a hole in the rear tire of the Zimmer. FOWLMOUTH Now you've done it! PLUCKY Me! I wasn't the one who pulled the trigger. FOWLMOUTH Man, you must-a hit a bump or someth'in! PLUCKY I didn't hit a bump! It was your trigger happy- (Shirley, having been sick of references back at the Jell-o scene, zaps both Plucky and Fowlmouth with her index finger. They are slightly toasted.) SHIRLEY Like knock it off you two! I need you to like get us out of here before that mondo negatoro dino makes pat'e out of us! With that, Shirley grabs both of them by the neck and gives them a big kiss causing little red hearts to emit from their bodies. They sit in their plush velvet seats drunk from love. Shirley waits patiently for a moment with her eyes closed waiting to be rescued. The fowl sit, drooling all over them selves. Shirley's temper flares once again. SHIRLEY Like snap out of it! No response from the fowl. SHIRLEY You like asked for it. She pulls out some large Ziljian symbols and smashes them together. This time they're up. PLUCKY/FOWLMOUTH (in unison) I don't wanna smash another plate over my head Steven. SHIRLEY Like do something! Plucky and Fowlmouth snap out of their drunken stupor and give each other an evil grin as well as a hand shake. PLUCKY Hang-on! Plucky slams on the brakes of the disabled Zimmer and turns it sharply to the right, causing it to skid out. Meanwhile Fowlmouth fires the cannon at the T-Rex's feet. "Boom!" "Boom! "Boom!" This causes the T-Rex to lose its balance and come stumbling toward them. CUT TO: INT. BAB'S HUMMER Babs slams on the breaks hard but the mammoth wheels slide on the garage's slick surface. BABS I can't stop it! FIFI Ack! Look out for ze wall! ALL (Scream) The Hummer slams into the wall head on and full bore, causing it to go right through the concrete wall and out of the frame, thusly off of the film. They fall. ALL (Scream) Babs hits the wench button on the Hummer. The wench flies out of its sheath and snags on a film perf. It comes to an abrupt stop. ALL Whew. Looking through the window of the Hummer, the T-Rex falls rapidly, flailing it's arms. T-REX Ahhhhh! BUSTER The bigger they are- BABS The harder they fall. CUT TO: INT. PARKING GARAGE The Zimmer is trashed beyond recognition; However, it still manages to stay running. The car slides to a stop at the edge of the film perf. The wheels hang over the edge. Shirley rolls her window down and sticks her head out. Plucky follows. Shirley and Plucky's POV. They can see the Hummer dangling on the thin line that keeps it from falling into oblivion. SHIRLEY (yelling) Are you guys like okay or some junk? CUT TO: INT. BAB'S HUMMER Babs sticks her head out the window and yells. BABS We're OK! We're on are way up! Babs hits the winch button once again and the wench catapults it up towards the hole where Daffy's Zimmer sits. CUT TO: EXT. OF BAB'S HUMMER FROM ZIMMER'S POV The Hummer launches into the Zimmer, causing the cast iron bumper of the Hummer to dig into the roof of the Zimmer, thusly ripping the top off. Plucky, Shirley and Fowlmouth duck in their new convertible. The Hummer lands safely on its four wheels with the engine still running. CUT TO: INT. BAB'S HUMMER BABS Engineered like no other car. BUSTER That's Mercedes' slogan. BABS I know, but didn't you ever see "The Rookie?" FIFI Char-le' Sheen is-to-die for no? BABS/FIFI (in unison) Le Sigh. Buster and Calamity look at their female counterparts, ram their heads in their hands and shake them in disbelief. CUT TO: INT. DAFFY'S ZIMMER PLUCKY Everyone okay? FOWLMOUTH/SHIRLEY (clearing their heads) Yeah. Fowlmouth regains composure and checks the shotgun's chamber. It's empty. He hands the gun to Shirley and proceeds to check his pockets for more ammo. FOWLMOUTH Here, hold dis. SHIRLEY Eweoo. I like hate guns. There so like negative. With that Shirley casts the shotgun over the side causing it to fall endlessly to its doom. Fowlmouth comes up with a handful of shells. He holds out his left hand. FOWLMOUTH Ok Shirley, you can give it back now. SHIRLEY Give what back? FOWLMOUTH The gun? What did you do with it? Shir-ley. SHIRLEY I don't like guns so I like gave it a burial at sea or some junk. FOWLMOUTH Surely you can't be serious? PLUCKY Whoa, we all saw that one coming. Forget it. It's gone. Fowlmouth gets ready to fly into a fiery rage but cools off quickly. SHIRLEY See you're like making progress. (she pats him on the head) CUT TO: INT. PARKING GARAGE At that moment a large "dingy yellow" 1973 Oldsmobile Cutlass with no driver careens towards the disabled Zimmer. Shirley, and Plucky, bail out the top of the car leaving Fowlmouth behind. SHIRLEY C'mon FM! Fowlmouth vigorously works the latch on the car door. The Olds comes closer. FOWLMOUTH Man this dadgum thing won't open! PLUCKY Try the lock. Fowlmouth hunts for the lock. CUT TO: INT. BAB'S HUMMER BABS Why doesn't he just jump out? BUSTER Who knows? CUT TO: EXT. PARKING GARAGE After an extensive search Fowlmouth locates the lock and pulls on it hard. It breaks. The Olds races closer. FOWLMOUTH This no good dadgum piece of junk! SHIRLEY If you want something like done around here you have to like, metaphysically do it your self. Shirley goes into a deep trance in an attempt to lift Fowlmouth out of the car. The shot quickly bounces back and fourth from Fowlmouth to the Olds to Shirley. Sweat pours from both fowl. Just as the Olds smashes into the Zimmer; Fowlmouth is saved FOWLMOUTH Thanks, Shirley. SHIRLEY Don't mention it, FM. Their eyes meet unlike any time before. They sit there motionless. The group in the Hummer look on. CUT TO: INT. BAB'S HUMMER Buster and Calamity stare at the two love-sick birds not noticing who's looking at them. BUSTER Isn't it great to see them getting along? Why, do you know how much easier it's going to be to work with them? BABS (seductively) Umm Hmm. Both Babs and Fifi stare lustfully at the male counterparts beside them. CALAMITY (innocently) Why R U looking at me like that. Fifi begins to wrap her arm around the little coyote. Calamity gulps and looks to Buster for help. Buster has troubles of his own. The romantic interlude is once again cut short. This time a large black semi comes roaring towards the toonsters. BUSTER Doesn't this guy ever quit? Babs starts the already started Hummer, causing it to die. "sputter, hack, cough" BABS Uh oh. Now what did I do? BUSTER I don't know, but you better undo it. Babs keeps trying to restart the Hummer. "Whrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr." Nothing. Meanwhile the semi is still heading towards them. "Whrrrrrrrrrrr." Plucky grabs Shirley and Fowlmouth and throws them in the back seat of Babs's Hummer. He follows. PLUCKY Start this thing already will'ya. BABS I'm trying. I don't know what's wrong. (grudgingly) It seems to be the current motif in this picture. The semi races closer, crushing cars, guard rails, etc. Calamity, being the genius that he is, realizes that the glow plugs need to heat up before the diesel engine will start. BUSTER Come on Babs, this is serious! BABS I know Buster, dear. Calamity, who is being crushed by the weight of the rest of the gang, manages somehow to get an arm free. He reaches between the front seats. The semi is almost on top of them. Calamity grabs Babs's hand and turns the key from. "Whrrrrrrrrrr" to "on." PLUCKY Punch it Babs! Babs floors the Hummer just keeping out of reach of the semi's grasp. Once again they're racing down the endless corridor. The semi is close behind. CU - ON BABS Babs is in total concentration with the task at hand. DENNIS WEAVER (VO) My car just isn't fast enough. Babs looks around (puzzled). BABS What in the world was that all about? BUSTER What was that Babsy? BABS Oh nothing. CUT TO: EXT. PARKING GARAGE Our shot opens with a man dressed in a late fifties zuit suit standing next to a yellow brick wall. We can see the love in his eyes. THE MAN (singing) Ma-ri-a, Ma-ri-a, Maria! Just then Babs's Hummer races towards the Man. Babs is forced to make a sharp right turn causing the Hummer to crash through the wall and fly off screen. The shot stays with the singing man who is run over by the large black semi. "Splat." The truck races on. CUT TO: INT. BAB'S HUMMER ALL Arrrrrraaggggghhhh! (The Hummer careens off the walls and is funnelled into a narrow passage way. Babs no longer has control of the vehicle. At the end of the passage way lies a delivery elevator.) EXT. NARROW HALLWAY The elevator mysteriously opens, swallowing up the Hummer. The door closes ending the scene. INT. ACME LOONIVERSITY LOADING DOCK The shot opens with a close-up of another pair of elevator doors resembling those from the last scene. The doors open. Out comes the Hummer still going full speed. A blur blows by the camera. The blur is followed by a large crash. "Crash!" PLUCKY Well, that could of been worse. BUSTER How? How could it possibly be worse? The gang has slowly made their way out of the truck and we find them leaning, sitting against the wreckage, wall, and floor. Their is an overall feeling of hopelessness among the toons. The camera centers on Buster and slowly dollies towards him. BABS What are we going to do now Buster? PLUCKY Yeah, we can't just sit here. I mean how much more of this can we take? We've got to do something. FIFI Bust-er' what about Hamton? FOWLMOUTH Yeah I almost forgot about him. I say that we concentrate on finding a way outa here, then we find the pig. PLUCKY (weeping) I don't what I'm gonna do without him. No more movies. No more ice cream. No more baseball games. No more- BUSTER Enough! Enough, I can't stand it any more! All this whining and bickering from you guys! Man it's enough to give a guy an aneurysm! Geez! (cooling off slightly) Give me a moment and I'll come up with something. FOWLMOUTH Come up with what? Nothing works. We've run around this place for hours risking dadgum life and limb and we're back where we started. No way out. No pig. What is it that you're gonna come up with, all-powerful, all mighty cartoon star? They sit in silence looking at each other for answers; none are found. Buster knows what he must do. What was it they wanted to hear? The truth. The truth is always the right answer. BUSTER (somberly) OK gang, here's what we're gonna do. As difficult as it is for me to say it; we've got to do it. BABS Do what, Buster? BUSTER Nuke it. Blow up the entire school. It's the only way we can be sure. FOWLMOUTH Oh boy. He's really flipped his lid this time. Time to impeach this guy. PLUCKY What are you talking about? You can't blow up the school. It's not yours to blow up. Sure, I've thought about it many times, but not for real. No one does it for real. BUSTER Don't you remember what the voice said? He said we were washed up; he compared us to Tony Danza! Tony Danza, for crying out loud! BABS At least it wasn't Scott Baio. SHIRLEY Like whatever happened to him? FIFI He vound up on le sitcom. No? BUSTER Hey, I'm saying something important here. He said that he was all the frustration, all the fear, all the anxiety that has been accrued since the beginning of the school. FOWLMOUTH Yeah, so? BUSTER So, it's time to clean house. Don't you see what he meant? He was talking about us. He said that we had more character than we could imagine. He knew our every move. He wanted us to do something different. So we'll give him something that no one would ever think we'd do. Blow up the school! BABS And that's his excuse for all of this meaningless violence? BUSTER Well I guess, yeah. It's just sort his way of making things happen. He also said that we all have so much potential and that it was a shame that we don't really use it. The point is, we've survived. The only thing left to do now is hit the refresh button. Which shouldn't be too difficult. Eh, Calamity? Calamity, who is being comforted by Fifi, looks up at Buster. CU - ON CALAMITY CALAMITY (VO) (VO) by Michael Biehn. Wile had enough explosives in his basement to destroy the building ten times over. But why me? Why is it up to me? How many episodes did I actually get in on? Seven? Eight? Now It's up to me to destroy all of this. The school is the monster. If we destroy the school we destroy the monster. After all, it's the only way to be sure. CALAMITY (with sign) Everything will be done. Everything you ask. Calamity rubs his muzzle up against Fifi as a child would to a pillow. Fifi returns the favor in a motherly sort of way. BUSTER All right, who else is with me? BABS You know I always will be. BUSTER Thanks Babs. Shirley looks to Plucky and Fowlmouth for backing. Fowlmouth nods without hesitation. Plucky is a little hesitant at first but agrees. PLUCKY Well, I wasn't really prepared for that exam anyway. Let's do it. But I'm not taking the rap when Bugs finds out we nuked his school. BUSTER Don't worry, he'll understand. (gulp) I hope. All right. We'll show'em just how much potential we have. Let's go to work. PLUCKY Haven't you forgotten something? BUSTER I don't think so. What did you have in mind? PLUCKY Well, once we blow up the school we're going to go up with it seeing as how there is no way out. BABS Yeah, how ya gonna get us out, Buster? BUSTER Simple. Well just get in that line over there for the Haunted House and it will take us to the outside world. Buster points to the long line of tourist type people complete with camcorders and the like. The camera pans over them until it finally gets to the end of the line. At the end of the line stands George Lucas and his wife. The ride looks really cheesy. GEORGE LUCAS (to his wife) Why do I keep accepting these cameo appearances at amusement parks? He shrugs his shoulders and steps on the ride. BABS We're really gonna stand in that line? Buster Hey, it works for Disney. EXT. GRASSY KNOLL JUST OUTSIDE ACME LOONIVERSITY - MORNING The toons are tired. Its been a long struggle and by the expressions on their faces it is easy to see. They all stand in a row overlooking Acme Looniversity. Calamity is doing the final wiring on the explosives. BUSTER It was a hell of a place to learn how to become something. What that was, was entirely up to the individual. No one could force you to learn about Cartoon Physics or the complete History of Animation 101. You just did. Babs holds Buster by the hand. She then reaches her other arm around his neck and looks deeply into his eyes. BABS Buster. Their wasn't anything that Buster wanted to hear more than his girl bunny's voice. It sounded so sweet so gentle. His entire career was about to go up in a puff a smoke. He didn't care as long as he had Babs by his side. The camera does a 180 degree pan around the two bunnies. This time there is nothing to keep them from putting their lips together, but for some reason they don't. Calamity, puts on the final touches and looks to Buster for premission to fire. Buster nods with the go ahead. Calamity, without any hesitation, jumps into the air to ram the plunger down. At that moment Plucky comes to a realization. . . PLUCKY Hamton! Buster's eyes bulge out of his head as he has the same realization. It's too late. Though Calamity makes a last-ditch effort, the plunger hits the contacts on the detonator. The entire school explodes. It's quite an explosion, mind you. One that would cost a Hollywood production company millions. The blasts lights up their faces. Some shield their eyes, some don't. The shot goes to Plucky who's eyes fill up with water. His beak begins to quiver. He falls to his knees and with his left hand he grabs his right wrist and turns his palm up. He sits there examining his hand while tears run down from his eyes. PLUCKY (mournful) Give me back my Hamton. The camera does a massive zoom out so that our heroes are only a tiny speck. The camera then begins to move forward just inches above the ground. A loud obnoxious noise fills the sound track. The noise resembles the sound of a broken water heater. Toons POV- An extremely large monster truck painted fluorescent yellow with an abundance of chrome and lights pulls up. Upon closer examination we can tell that it's just been detailed complete with tire glow and the like. ALL TOONS (cheerfully) Hamton! BABS You're alive! Hamton jumps out of the truck. Babs runs over and gives him a really tight bear hug. HAMTON Gosh, I'm sorry that you guy's were so worried about me. It was just that Steven had some things to show me. So I really couldn't tell him no. STEVEN Hey, Buster and Babs. What did you think of that explosion? George's guys really did a great job on it. Don't you think? ALL (nodding) Yes Steven. STEVEN Oh yeah, and what did you think of that voice? Babs and Buster look at each other puzzled. BABS/BUSTER(In Unison) Whose was it anyway? STEVEN Oh, it was mine. BUSTER/BABS (in unison) Yours!? They're abruptly cut off by Plucky. PLUCKY (ecstatic) Oh Steven, it was fantastic! STEVEN Thanks. It was fun. You gotta hear this story. It was great! They were looking for someone to do the voice of The FORCE. They couldn't find anybody, right. So we're all sitting around the table in this jam session, right? And the topic comes up. Who are we going to get to play the voice of the Force? I say let's get James Earl Jones. They say we can't. I say why not? They say he's doing another one of those Harrison Ford/Tom Clancy deals. I say how about Vincent Price? They say we can't. I say why not? They say He's dead. The room fell silent and everyone was looking at each other, right. They're all scared out of their minds wondering what I was going to do. Then out of nowhere. Bam! Someone says it. Why don't You do the Force? I looked back at them like. Are you guys serious? And said, I'd love to! Boy you should have seen the looks on their faces. I tell you, it was great! We had coffee and Donuts and boy was that a party! Which reminds me we've gotta run Lost World's in the works. Luncheon date with Michael at Spago's. With that the Young Director sticks his head out and says. THE YOUNG DIRECTOR There have been a ton of cartoons made over the past 81 years. But only one has been called Tiny Toon Adventures. Remember, it all started with a dinosaur. The young director holds out his hand and stares directly at Fifi. Fifi gives Calamity a small peck on the cheek. He blushes and somberly waves good bye. She then walks up to Hamton. Whispers something in his ear, then gives him a kiss. BUSTER (toward Steven) What are we supposed to do now? STEVEN Well, we're still looking for some extras for "Lost World" If you're interested, I can set up a screen test for you. Buster grows angry over Steven's last comment. BUSTER (Surprised) Extras! BABS (to Buster) Pipe down he'll hear you. (to Steven) Bye Steven! It was good seeing you. See ya later Fif. I'll call you tonight. ALL (except Buster) Goo-d-bye! The occupants in the truck wave good-bye and with little hesitation it drives off. BUSTER I can't believe the nerve of that guy! We go through all of that and all we get is a lousy screen test! BABS Well that's more than most people get. BUSTER Yea but, arrgh, why was Fifi going with them anyway? SHIRLEY Like where have you been? After that creep Paul Dini like left our show for that like mondo negatory Batman guy, she dumped him. He deserved it if you like, ask me. Fifi has been going with that new guy for like how long? BABS A couple of months now I guess. BUSTER Well that's great for Fifi but what about us? What are we gonna do? BABS Buster. BUSTER Yeah. Babs grabs him and lays him in her arms. She look passionately at him. BABS Buster. BUSTER Yeah Babs? BABS I love you. BUSTER I love you too. Babs. She smiles and kisses him passionately. Buster's enjoying it. The rest look on. Shirley and Fowlmouth hold hands and walk off screen. Hamton and Plucky are left standing. PLUCKY I really missed you, pal. HAMTON Gee thanks Plucky. You know it means a lot to me. PLUCKY Yeah I know. Say by the way, did you happen to get Steven's personal number? HAMTON Gosh Plucky, I didn't. If I had known you wanted it, I would have asked for it. Sorry Plucky. PLUCKY That's all right, Hammy. I could go for some breakfast. Would you like to have breakfast with me? HAMTON Gee that would be great Plucky. The camera pans back over to the two rabbits in love. They haven't changed position. The only difference is that their ears interwoven into the shape of a heart. The camera continues on past some chipmunks and a mouse in a tree. It then focuses on som Fade out. THE END Written by: oschindler aka: Jason Bretz **Hey! Congrats! You made it! At this time I'd like to thank the people who had helped me put this thing together. Questy HKUriah Mr White Monty Hitomi Nefaria And of course Fifi La Fume, who for without her I would'nt be where I am today! **Thanks for the *inspiration* list.** Steven Spielberg Kevin Smith James Cameron Sam Raimi Quentin Tarantino Chuck Jones Kath Soucie Bruce Campbell Michael Biehn Bill Paxton and Robert Hayes JAY AND SILENT BOB WILL RETURN IN DOGMA. Questions? Comments? Let me know, my AOL address is OSCHINDLER@aol.com