Far Behind A fanfic by Kieron Wells ( dark_helmet5@hotmail.com ) A note to all readers: This fanfic does not contain the usual humor or wackiness of Tiny Toon Adventures. This is intended to be a serious fanfiction, and probably won't appeal to all Tiny Toons fans. It deals with a serious, realistic topic. The main topic ( or what I see as being the focus of the story ) could be a sensitive issue to some people and definetley isn't for everybody. One more thing you should note: there are constant references to different songs in here. If you don't know the songs and it is neccicary to know the words to undertsand the fanfic, the lyircs are either provided in or at the end of it. FAR BEHIND The end of the year at Acme Looniversity was here. It was the beginning of June, 1998. Classes had yet to begin on this hot early summer day in Acme Acres, and Buster, Plucky, Babs and Hamton were sitting on a bench at the back of the school talking. " Can you believe the year is almost over?" Babs asked. " No. It seemed to go by so quickly," Buster commented. " Yeah, well I'm just glad it's over," Plucky said. " You going anywhere this summer?" Babs asked as a general question, not to anybody in particular. " I'm going to Los Angeles," Buster said. " New York," plucky replied. " N..." Hamton began, but was interrupted. " That's nice Hamton. Hey, Plucky, how much time until we've gotta go inside?" Babs asked. " A couple of minutes," Plucky said. Babs got up and said," I'll be seeing you guys." " How come you're leaving early?" Buster asked. " I just realized I've got some math homework to finish. Bye!" She got up and walked inside, leaving those three sitting there. " Hey, Plucky, Hamton. I forgot to mention something. I'm having a party the day after the school year ends. Wanna come?" Buster asked. " Yeah, sure," Plucky replied. " I'll go," Hamton said. " Great. See ya," Buster said. He then got up and walked inside the school. As soon as Buster left, Hamton asked Plucky," Plucky, did Babs seemed a little annoyed to you?" " Maybe at you," Plucky replied. " What do you mean?" Hamton asked. " Well, the only reason she ever even talks to you is because you're friends with Buster," Plucky said, then he got up and walked inside. Hamton was upset at this. What'd he done to tick Babs off? Had she even ever been his friend in the first place? The day began like any other. All students walked up to their homerooms and waited for the voice of Bugs to come chiming over the P.A. " Uh, good morning docs. We've got special announcement this morning for the classes. An old school across town is going' to be closing down, so the kids are going to be coming here next year," Bugs said," there will be 250 new students coming over from Toon River school. That's all for this morning." " That's weird," Babs said, sitting right next to Buster in their classroom. " Yeah. I've never even heard of this Toon river place," Buster replied. " Well, 250 people isn't too many," Babs said. In a homeroom down the hall, Hamton and Plucky were sitting close to each other with Fifi and Shirley nearby. " Hey, Hamton. Do you know about this Toon river place?" Plucky asked. " Yes. My cousin Rene goes there. She'll be angry that she has to leave," Hamton said. " Ooh. A her," Plucky said. " Don't get any ideas. She's three years older than you and would probably think you're a moron," Hamton said, somewhat irritated. " Where would you get that idea? Who would think I'm a moron?" Plucky asked. The whole class lifted their hands into the air. " Everyone's a critic," Plucky " And you think Shirley is going to still like you?" Hamton asked. " Hey, nobody's ever liked you ever! And, Babs, Shirley and Fifi are my friends anyway. " Plucky said. Hamton have him an angry stare. " Don't feel so bad, Hamton. You haven't ever had any female friends," Plucky said. Hamton looked at him like he's an idiot. " That didn't help did it?" The bell rang and the students were dismissed to their first period class. " Just show up at Buster's party. Somebody there is bound to like you," Plucky said. Upon arriving in first period class, the Toons found permission forms lying on every desk on the long, spread apart rows in Daffy's classroom. " What the heck are these?" Plucky asked. " Permission forms," Daffy said as he spit all over the floor," all students who are going to pass this year get to take a trip to wacky point amusement park." " Wacky point? I love that place!" Plucky exclaimed. " Don't get too excited, Plucky," Babs said," I'm not too sure you're going to pass this year." " Oh Shut up," Plucky replied. Everyone was excited. The whole class was talking about the best rides, food and everything else there. Everyone was instantly looking forward to it and could talk about nothing else. Except for Hamton. " Why aren't you excited about this?" Plucky asked. " I don't even know if I want to go," Hamton said. " Why not? 150 MPH roller coasters. The greatest thrill rides ever. And, me and Shirley in the tunnel of love," Plucky said. " First off, why would I want to see THAT? Second,you're on drugs," Hamton said," Shirley doesn't like you!" " At least we're friends. She hates you!" Plucky said. " No, that's where I think you're wrong. Everytime you're around here, you become one raging hormone. That's all of you she ever gets to see anymore, so how could she like any other part of you?" Hamton asked. " Hey! I act perfectly normal around her!" Plucky argued. " Right. Normal for you is goofy, selfish and immature. Nobody could like that," Hamton said. " The point is I;ve had multiple dates with her, and you've had NONE! With ANYOBDY! Everyone you've ever asked out has rejected you!" Plucky said. He was right. He acted like he didn't care about the comment, but it bothered him. Allot. " Look, I'm sorry Hamton," Plucky said," but it's the truth. Find out for yourself." He wasn't going to ask them, but he did notice that they never talked to him when Buster or Plucky were around. And, lately they'd made it more obvious they didn't want to talk to him. They would ignore questions he asked or pretened like they didn't hear him whenever he said something. At the mention of him, they'd change the subject or make a cruel remark. And, he must be the only guy in the school who didn't have Fifi's number! The rest of the morning flew by uneventfully. The trip was scheduled for June 17th, one week from then. Finally, lunch time arrived. " Is anybody else as excited about this trip as I am?" Babs asked. " Yeah! I can't wait!" Plucky said," how 'bout you, Shirl?" Plucky. " Like, get away from me," Shirley said. " I'll take that as yes," Plucky said. " Plucky, shut up. Anyway, I know, Buster, you must be looking forward to it," Babs said. " Of course I am," Buster said. Babs smiled. Hamton looked away. " Well, I don't not know if I can go on ze trip," Fifi said," look at ze price!" They all looked at the $150.00 price for the trip. It covered bus, ticket, and food. " I don't care how much it costs, I'm going," Babs said. " Well, I don't know if..." Buster began. " Trust me, you're going," Babs said. " Okay," Buster agreed. While the rest of them were looking forward to this trip, Hamton wasn't. He had never been on a roller coaster, and definitely had nobody to share the tunnel of love with. The second point was much worse for him than the first. It was obvious how everybody in the school was becoming love stricken. Or, at least as close as a bunch of fourteen year olds could be to love. " Fine I'll go out with you!" Montana yelled. The whole cafeteria heard them. " What? Yeah, I said yes to brains of bricks over here!" Monty yelled. He was standing next to Elmyra. " Oh. My Monty Wonty is cutey wootey!" Elmyra said, hugging him. " Get off me, psycho woman!" Monty yelled at her. " Monty and Elmyra. I can't think of two people who deserve each other more," Buster said. Everyone nodded in agreement. Just then, two things just rushed by them at an incredible speed. " Was that two Beepers?" Babs asked. They both looked over and saw Beeper with a pink roadrunner. " No, that's Candice, Beeper's new girlfriend," Babs said. " Funny. I've never even seen her around school before," Babs said. The rest of the day passed with people discussing only two things: the love connections discovered at lunch today, and the upcoming trip to Wacky point. Another night passed with tons of phone calls being exchanged with the lonely pig sitting at home doing nothing. " Hello, Babs?" Plucky said on the phone. Babs cringed a little. " What is it Plucky?" she asked. " Well, I kinda told Hamton that you guys all hate him," Plucky said. " Plucky! How could you mention that to him?!?" Babs yelled. " Well, don't you?" Plucky asked. " Well yes but just because we all dislike him doesn't mean you have to tell him! Truthfully enough, I think that boy has issues anyway," Babs said. " What kind of issues?" Plucky asked. " Like, he never talks to anybody he doesn't know. He always had his head down. You know, just stuff like that," Babs said. " I don't think you're right! He's always been like that. It's his personality. I'm sure he's perfectly fine. But in the future when you say you hate somebody, I won't stop them from talking to you," Plucky said. Babs hung up. " I've always wondered something," Plucky said to himself. He then grabbed the phone and dialed up Fifi. " Fifi, I have to ask you something," Plucky said. " What iz it?" she asked. " It's about Hamton," Plucky said. " Ugh! Le disgusting pig!" She said. " Yeah. Why did you go to the prom with him that one time?" Plucky asked," Pity? Lack of anyone else? What?" " You want to know the truth?" Fifi asked. " Yeah." " Buster knew he would ask me, and he promised me if I went out with Hamton once then he'd find me somebody I actually like," Fifi said. " Should I tell Hamton that?" " Sure. Why not?" Fifi said. Plucky then called up Hamton. " Hey Hamton," Plucky said. " Hi Plucky," Hamton said kind of suspiciously. Plucky hadn't called him in a while. " I have an interesting bit of information for you," Plucky said. " What?" Hamton asked, once again sounding suspicious. " You remember the prom last year?" Plucky asked. " Oh yeah," Hamton said reminising a little. " Well, when Fifi went with you, it turns out she didn't really want to. Buster bribed her to out of pity for you. Everybody knew you were going to ask her," Plucky said. " What? Why would you tell me that?" Hamton said. " Fun. Bye!" Plucky said. Hamton slammed the phone down. The one date of his life and it was out of pity. He walked up to the wall and punched it. It made a small mark on it, but mostly just hurt his fist. The next morning at school, Hamton walked by Buster's locker and saw him and Babs standing, staring with silly looking smiles on their faces. They began to kiss when Plucky walked down the same hall and said," you two, get a room!" " Shut up, Plucky," Babs yelled back. " Can't that duck ever butt out?" Buster asked. " I don't think so. He's just got nothing else to do, so he has to annoy other people," Babs said. Another week or so passed with nothing happening. Buster and Babs didn't stop carrying on about each other ( like they've ever stopped ) and Shirley was becoming a little friendlier with Plucky. They had talked some more and just to see how he would react, Shirley kissed him once. Plucky went nuts over it. Fifi was off in pursuit of somebody else entirely. Hamton was the odd man out. Odd seemed to be the perfect word to describe how everyone felt about him. The morning of the trip arrived. All the students had to get up at 5:30 to get to the school by 6:15 A.M. Hamton began the day as usual by downing a large mug full of coffee. Plucky a the box of sugar cubes. Buster ate wheaties and Gatorade. One by one the students arrived at Acme Looniversity and awaited the arrival of coach buses to carry them to Wacky point amusement park. As they waited on the sidewalk outside the Looniversity, Buster, Plucky, Babs, Shirley and Fifi all stood about ten feet away, and stepped away when Hamton tried to get any closer. For some reason they all seemed to be rejecting their friend at once. The morning was clear, but the sun hadn't fully rides over Acme Acres yet. " Isn't the sun rise beatuiful?" Babs asked. " Yeah," Buster replied. " Oh, yuck!" Plucky commented. " Well, that spoiled the moment," Babs said. Finally, fifteen coach buses pulled up to the school around 6:30. The students let off a cheer and ran for the bus, trampling Hamton in their path. Hamton then got up, dusted himself off and walked onto the bus. He sat down in one of the light blue seats with the air conditioning making the bus feel like a refrigerator. " Eh, what's up kids?" Bugs said over the bus P.A. announcers. All fifteen buses could hear him. " I hope you kids enjoy your trip, and uh, if any of you have a heart attack on these rides, don't sue us." The busses went silent. " It was a joke!" Bugs yelled. After Bugs finished talking the buses took off. The riding was smooth, and no bumps from the road could be felt. The bust ran silently. Acme Acres wasn't very scenic. The part near the Looniversity was all forested with only narrow roads to go along. Once you reached the city it was different. The traffic was congested and the bus was backed up for nearly three hours on the highway. On the bus, Hamton sat slouched down in the seat without anybody next to him. The video being shown on the bus was Austin Powers. Plucky could be heard from eight seats back saying all the lines along with the movie; he'd seen it twenty times! After a couple of hours of seeing bland scenery, Hamton just dozed off. Three hours later, he was awoken by the bus coming to a sudden halt. He got up and peered out the window to see Wacky Point amusement park. The park had a majestic look to it. The rides reached hundreds of feet into the air. The sunlight beamed onto the water rides and reflected off in a beautiful manner. The sounds of the rides operating sounded a bit like large ocean waves. There was another mad dash, this time to the door of the bus with a huge cloud of dust being lifted up. Hamton unenthusiastically walked to the front of the bus and walked off. It was a scorcher outside that day. The temperature was approaching one hundred degrees and the sun was beaming down all over the expansive park. From the main entrance you could see most of the twenty five roller coasters, tons of rides and food stands. You could also see the nearly ten thousand people there on the same day. The noise of hundreds of people chattering was encompassing. Hamton looked around and saw Buster, Babs, Plucky, Shirley, and Calamity all meet up with each other. He quickly walked over and entered the group. " I can't wait to so on heart attack tower!" Babs said, excitedly. " Oh yeah. A ride beginning with the words heart attack is always appealing," Plucky replied sarcastically. " What about you Buster? What do you want to go on most?" Babs asked. " I know what I want to!" Plucky interrupted," the tunnel of love with Shirley." Shirley gave him a disgusted look. " I think I like that idea," Buster said. " What, you want to go in the tunnel of love with Shirley, too?" Babs asked. " You know what I mean," Buster said. All is of them walked up to the first roller coaster they saw. It wasn't very big, but it looked old and unsafe. It was wooden and it looked like the legs could give out any second. " That one looks like fun," Plucky said. " Like, no way!" Shirley said," not only is it beat up and some junk but it's totally small!" " Well, good ol' gutless Hamton will come on it, right pal?" Plucky asked. Hamton shrugged his shoulders and walked with Plucky over to it. The rest of them decided to go on it even though there were better things to use their money on in the park. The ride began slow. It creaked as it moved. Whether that was for effect or the wood was actually old and worn enough to be making such a loud creek remained a mystery. Buster sat next to Babs, Plucky and Shirley were in the same car, and that just left Hamton and Calamity who sat next to each other by default. Most of the people on the ride weren't scared in the least. Plucky had a suprisingly low tolerance for roller coasters, and he looked petrified with every drop. Hamton and Calamity had both never been on one. Hamton yelled most of the ride and Calamity remained silent, gripping the bar incredibly tightly. That ride ended after ten minutes. Buster and Babs were unimpressed, as was Shirley. Plucky was scared on the ride, but scoffed about it afterwards. " That ride was nothing. When can we find a REAL ride?" Plucky asked. " Nothing? You looked like your hands were cemented to the bar and your face got stuck with that look of terror on it," Babs said. " I was just acting to make...Uhh... Hamton feel better about being scared... yeah, that's it," Plucky said nervously. " What did you think Buster?" Babs asked. " No sweat," replied Buster. " Where to next?" Babs asked. " The bathroom," Plucky said. " Have fun looking for it yourself," Babs said. Plucky frowned and walked away. The remaining five of them walked towards another coaster in the park. It was kind of like the last one, just a little steeper on the falls. Hamton reacted much better this time. After this ride, Plucky located them again, and he lead Buster, Babs, and Shirley over to the biggest coaster in the park: the mammoth. " Wow! It must be two hundred feet in the air!" Babs said. " It goes at a hundred and fifty miles an hour!" Plucky said. " Like, check out that line!" Shirley said. They all glanced over and saw a line wrapped around three city blocks. " That'll take hours to get through!" " I don't think we should go on that anyway," Hamton said. " Look, you don't have to go on it if you don't want to," Babs said. " Fine, I don't want to wait the whole day in line for a ride that will probably cause half the people on it to die of shock anyway!" Hamton said back, then he walked away. " I'm leaving too," said Calamity through writing. Those two walked off. Plucky wanted to walk off, too, but he couldn't risk looking gutless, especially with Shirley standing right there. They broke up six months ago. Shirley was getting tired of Plucky's immaturity. According to her, Plucky acted like he was ten, and it was time for him to grow up. Plucky though he just had to impress her somehow. The four remaining Toons waiting for the ride got in at the back. They only let twenty people on at a time, and there were hundreds in line waiting. " How long do you think we'll be here?" Babs asked. " I don't know. A few hours. Maybe more," Buster replied. In the last few months, Buster had become more serious. He had always liked Babs both as friends and in a romantic sense. He was becoming more and more attached to her. In a few months, it would be a year since they first went out, but they knew each other long before then. After a couple of hours of silence, Babs finally said something to break up the monotony of sitting in line and waiting. " Say, where's Fifi anyway?" Babs asked. " She hates roller coaster. She's just here looking for guys who have taken their shirts off because it's hot," Buster replied. " She does go a little guy crazy, doesn't she?" Babs asked. " Yeah. I'm surprised she hasn't ever really had a serious boyfriend before," Buster commented. Except for the prom night with Hamton, she'd never really had an actual date, and the reason for going to the prom with Hamton was already explained. Fifi would go out with almost any guy. Out of desperation she almost invited Fowlmouth to the movies, but eventually got a hold of her senses and decided not to. Hamton and Calamity began walking around the park, mostly just killing time. Both of them were too afraid to go on the rides or they did go on some rides and they were pretty weak. Finally the line Buster, Babs, Plucky, and Shirley were in came to an end. Plucky and Shirley had talked briefly about the school year, and nothing more. Plucky finally picked up on the fact that every time he mentioned something about them together she became irritated. If he had any chance later on in the tunnel of love, then he'd have to shut his overactive mouth now. Buster and Babs hadn't been quiet since they mentioned Fifi. They talked about the love life of everybody they knew, and kissed once or twice in the line. Everybody became used to seeing that. Everyday when school ended they kissed. See each other after school, kiss. At first Plucky would say either," knock it off " or " get a room." Eventually, everybody got used to it. Whenever Hamton was around to see it he would usually look in the other direction, pretend not to notice, or talk in a lower, more saddened voice than normal. Nobody ever asked him about his reactions to seeing this. The ride itself was spectacular. The speed, height and twists were the biggest thrill a roller coaster could give you. It was a stand up ride. The track was red and the standing harness was black. The ride lasted five minutes, and every rider was sick to their stomach when it was all over. " Wow that was fun!" Babs said. " Let's go again!" Buster chimed in. " You pay for the cardiologist after my heart attack and I'll gladly go again," Plucky replied. " Like, it was totally a metaphorical experience," Shirley said. " How do you figure?" Plucky asked. " Like simple. The rushing was like totally representing everyday life and some junk," Shirley said. Plucky only replied with a confused look. " Okay, I'll like try to explain it better. You see, well some of us were like at the top looking down on you all and feeling good, like the rest of you were crashing down towards the ground feeling like death was like gonna crush you." " You really read WAY too much into this," Plucky replied. By this time, it was about seven o'clock at night. Hamton and Calamity were still wandering aimlessly around the park looking for anybody that they knew. In an hour, the tunnel of love was going to open, and Buster and Babs couldn't wait. Plucky was still waiting on Shirley's decision. The twilight was beginning to come and it cast a light red shadow on everything. " This pizza tastes funny," Babs said as the four of them sat down to eat. " I noticed. Is there supposed to be a large green spot in the sauce?" Buster asked. " I wouldn't eat that," Plucky said. " Like, mine is totally gross," Shirley said. " I think it just moved." Just then a loud pop in the distance was heard. " What's that?" Babs asked. " Fireworks," Buster replied, pointing up in the air. " Wow. They're beautiful," Babs said, talking like she was in a trance. " I think I'll just step aside," Plucky said. Plucky and Shirley then walked over to another free table. Buster and Babs locked lips for about twenty seconds with the nightly fireworks display at Wacky point shooting off. Just at that point Hamton, alone, walked by and saw them. His face got a blank expression on his face as he suddenly felt really empty. Before the tunnel even opened for " business " the music began. It was all sappy, romantic stuff. " I love this song!" Babs said as Edwin McCain's song " I'll be " came on. " Funny. You always told me you hated it," Buster replied. " That was before. I'm in the mood to hear it," Babs said. " Why is that?" Buster asked. " Why do you think?" Babs asked, holding Buster's hand across the table. " I get it," Buster replied. Finally eight rolled around and the tunnel of love opened up. Buster and Babs rushed over to the first small boat that roller around and were on it the second it opened up. Plucky glanced over to the tunnel. " Well?" Plucky asked. " Like, well what?" Babs asked. Plucky jerked his towards the tunnel. " Oh, all right," Shirley said. She grabbed him by the hand and they went into the tunnel themselves. Once inside, Buster and Babs French kissed for most of the time, occasionally pausing to breathe and laugh, then continuing. Plucky and Shirley mostly held hands, with only small kisses exchanged. " Is this how you pictured it?" Shirley asked him. " What, the inside of the tunnel? Yeah. Dark. The walls are pianted with red hearts. It's just what I thought it would look like," Plucky said. " No, I mean how you imagines being with someone in here?" Shirley asked. " Well, not entirely. I assumed being in here would automatically make you want to make out with me," Plucky said. Shirley frowned at him. " Sorry, but I am being honest with you," Plucky said. " That's like, nice," Shirley said, then she kissed him on the cheek. " What do you think Buster and Babs are doing?" Plucky asked. " Like do we really want to know?" Shirley asked. " Ew," they said simultaniously. When the two couples emerged they were laughing and smiling and kissing and enjoying themselves immensely. About ten feet away stood Hamton, watching. He turned his head and began to walk back to the bus without saying hi to any of his friends he saw there. It was clear they were all having too much fun together. It was clear that this was just like them dating. It was clear there was no point in him being there. It was clear they'd left him far behind. On the way back, Hamton sat on the bus thinking. It made sense, he supposed, that they'd blow him off sooner or later. They all had relationships. They all had dates and significant others and active social lives. Hamton on the other hand had developed into something of a loner. His friends never called him anymore. Whenever he did see them, he was always the one to call. He found out no girl had ever actually been his friend. He'd never had a girlfriend or a real date. And, every time he looked around he saw Buster and Babs or Plucky or Shirley or Monty and Elmyra or even Sweetie and Sneezer, and he was jealous. Very jealous. Jealousy felt like it was giving him an ulcer. He would actually feel a physical pain whenever he saw two people his age together on a date or anything. They were together and he was alone. They were ahead and he was behind. Far behind. And there wasn't anything he could do to catch up. The bus pulled in at Acme Looniversity at about midnight. Shirley gave Plucky a little peck on the cheek good - bye. Hamton turned away, opened the door to the 1999 white Volkswagen Jetta that his parents drove to pick him up in. " Want me to walk you home?" Buster asked. " I was waiting for you to ask," Babs replied. The two walked off down the road holding hands. Hamton felt like giving those two a gesture involving a hand. Actually, a finger. But, he didn't. He was now so jealous he was becoming mad at Buster for having fun with Babs, explaining why he wanted to do that. " So how was your trip?" Hamton's mother asked him. " Fine," Hamton replied in an angry tone. " Well, that doesn't sound too enthusiastic," she replied. " I don't feel like talking too much right now, okay?" Hamton said. " Fine. When you get home, don't talk to your father much. He's really angry right now," Hamton's mother said. " About what?" Hamton asked in the same angry tone. " I'll explain later," she said. At the top of Babs' burrow, Buster and Babs gave each other a long kiss good - night, and then said their good - byes for tonight. " Good night Babs," Buster said. " Good night honey," Babs said. She then ducked back into her burrow. " She's never called me honey before," Buster thought to himself as he began to walk away. Plucky was very pleased with the outcome of the day. He and Shirley could still hook up. Hamton went to sleep as soon as he got home. As he fell asleep a few tears rolled down the side of his face as he remembered seein Buster and Babs, Plucky and Shirley, Monty and Elmyra, and every other couple he'd ever seen in his life having fun like he felt he'd never have. The next day was a day off school. Hamton woke up at noon and saw nobody else around in his split level suburban house. It was unusual not to hear the coffee maker going in the morning, and not hearing the today show like his parents always cranked up in the morning. " Where'd everybody go?" Hamton asked. Almost as soon as he asked, he noticed a note sitting on the kitchen table: Hamton, We've gone to Swine hills to pick up your cousin Rene. We'll explain later. - Mom " Why would they be picking up Rene? And why is she in Swine hills? She lives in Toon river," Hamton thought to himself. He walked over to the couch and flipped on the television. Nothing good was on, so he walked back into his room and pulled out the first CD he saw. He looked at what he pulled out, and it was Melon Collie ( not melancholy ) and the Infinite Sadness, a Smashing Pumpkins CD. " What an appropriate CD," Hamton thought to himself. He put on the song of the name of the CD. It was a five minute depressing piano solo from a band that is usually known for much harder stuff. The music itself seemed to fit his mood perfectly, and he reached over and hit the repeat button on his Sony CD player. After half an hour or so, he heard the car pull into the driveway, and he quickly rushed down stairs. It surprised him to hear the car pull in since he was half asleep and used to only hearing the same five minutes of music repeatedly. " Hey Hammy," a girl's voice said. " Hey Rene," Hamton replied. Rene was Hamton's cousin. She usually didn't associate with the rest of their family. She didn't like them and it was obvious everybody except Hamton felt a lot less comfortable with her around. He was five foot seven with black hair, a light complexion, a small amount of acne on her forehead, a voice deeper than your average seventeen year old girl, and a thin build. " Look, Hammy. I've gotta talk to you for a sec. Let's go for a walk," Rene said. Whenever Rene had something to talk about she'd always want to go for a walk. After they were a little bit down the street, Rene began speaking. " Say, Hammy. Has anybody told you why I'm here yet?" She asked. " No. I'm still wondering what's going on," Hamton said. " Well, I'll tell you. You know uncle Kirk? Or, as people want me to call him, Dad?" she asked. " Yeah." " Well, that idiot has landed himself in jail. Apparently he got caught trying to bribe a jury. That incopetent jerk couldn't have won that case if the judge dropped all the charges. He's serving five to ten now," Rene said. " That's awful," Hamton said. " Why? He deserved it. Since Mom left he's been acting like a moron. He's punched a ton of holes in the wall at our house," Rene said. " Why don't you go live with your mother?" Hamton asked. " Real simple, Hammy. She got remarried and he had some kids of his own and she doesn't want anything to remind him of Kirk," Rene said," I guess that includes me." " So how long are you going to be living with us?" Hamton asked. " Until I go to university. I've got one year of high school left and then I'll be out. So, a year and a couple of months from now," Rene said. " Do you know anybody here?" Hamton asked. " Yeah. I know tons of people here. Toon river isn't very far away, you know. And, my boyfriend John will be coming back from Vancouver any day now. At least for a little while," Rene explained. Rene was seventeen. At age ten, her parents divorced. Her dad was a lawyer and her mom was a real estate agent. She was a very socially well liked person, but she also had a lot of people who didn't like her. Her family didn't know her very well, and she associated with Hamton because he seemed to be the other person in the family that shied away from all the weirdoes in their family. She liked all types of music; she really just chose by bands or certain songs. She also seemed to be depressed sometimes for some unknown reason. She had a great social life and a ton of friends, but there was something that upset her from time to time. She would write in the dark into all hours of the night about bleak things. But, she was nice enough anyway. Strange, but nice. " Are we walking anywhere in particular or are we just wandering around?" Hamton asked. " Right now were just wandering. There's nowhere around here to go," Rene replied. After a few minutes without saying anything, Hamton asked," you looking forward to coming to Acme Looniversity?" " Hardly," Rene said," but Toon River was a crack school anyway. You could see parts of the ceiling falling all over the place, half the school sells crack and the other half is on it. The teachers hate the students and vice versa. No wonder the government is shutting it down." " Well, Acme isn't anything like that," Hamton said," all the teachers are washed up cartoon stars, the place isn't falling apart, and crack heads are kept to a minimum." " Well, I heard it's full of saps, immature bratty kids, snobs, and all the classes are stupid and unless you want to be in a stupid cartoon when you get older, it's useless," Rene said. " But it's a good school!" Hamton protested. " Any place called Acme Looniversity looks bad on a university application," Rene replied. The two got off that topic. It was clear nobody was going to win in that debate, so neither of them tried. " So how's John? I've only met him that one time," Hamton said. " What a coincidence, so have I. He's been in Vancouver for like a year. He's as dumb as ever, but he's a sweetheart, so I deal with his stupidity," Rene said. " That's good to hear. How much are you going to see him?" Hamton asked. " As much as I can, but he always spends the days with his guy friends when he's here, so I only get him at night," Rene said. " Why do you put up with him always ditching you for his other friends during the days?" Hamton asked. " Because I like him that much, Hammy. You should understand. C'mon, there's gotta be someone special in your life," Rene said. " No," Hamton replied. " Seriously? I would have thought some of those girls would like the strong, silent type," Rene said. " Look, I don't want to discuss my love life," Hamton said. " Why not?" " Because I don't have one," Hamton said. " Don't worry about. That'll change soon enough," Rene said. " I doubt that," Hamton replied. " Don't get so down, Hammy," Rene said. " Look, can we change the subject?" " Fine," Rene said. It was obvious Hamton really didn't like discussing love involving him, because there was nothing to say, and he was ashamed of that fact. Also, he wasn't optimistic that that would change. He didn't object to hearing about Rene's love life, even if he was insanely jealous that she had somebody and he didn't. After about another forty five minutes, the two of them returned home and Rene unpacked in her new room next to Hamton's. Within Minutes of beginning to unpack she was blasting her stereo. " Turn that down!" Yelled Hamton's dad from downstairs. " Why? It's not that loud!" Rene yelled back. Hamton's father looked over at his wife and said," this is the daughter you always wanted." " She's not our daughter," Hamton's mother replied. " Yeah, and Kirk better enjoy his jail time, because I'll kill him when he gets out," Hamton's dad said. " Don't talk like that," Hamton's mother said. " Sorry, but I'm so angry with him!" The rest of the day went by with almost nothing happening. Not until midnight, anyway. At midnight, the phone rang. Rene picked it up after a single ring. The name didn't have time to show up on their caller I.D. " Hello?" " Hey, babe. It's John," the deep voice on the other end said. " You knew that number I paged was me how?" she asked. " You have called from your cousin's house before, you know," John said. " Oh yeah. I forgot about that." " Refresh my memory. Is that that strange, short, fat, anti - social cousin of yours?" John asked. " Don't talk about Hammy that way. First off, he's not short anymore. He's 5'11, which is pretty tall for a fourteen year old. And, who are you to be talking' about being short anyway. He's not anti - social, he's just more mature than the rest of the losers at his age," Rene said. " Hammy? Is that his name?" John asked. " Nah. It's just what I call him," Rene said. " Oh. What are you doing at your cousin's house?" John asked. " I'll explain later." " Listen, where are we going to meet at?" " You mean you're here already?" Rene asked. " Yeah. I thought I'd suprise you," John said. " Well, I'm used to you suprising me. Like, suprisem I'm not coming after all or surprise, I need $50, and you have to give it to me now or surprise I broke my leg skateboarding and I can't go out tonight. " Get over it," John said. " No," Rene said. " Fine, let's just get back to the topic, okay?" John asked. " Fine. How long have you been here?" Rene asked. " All day," John replied," I was with Andrew and Kyle all day." " Why am I not suprised? I'll meet you at the park in ten minutes. See ya'." Then Rene hung up the phone and walked over to Hamton's room. Hamton was still awake, watching TV " Hey, Hammy. I'm going to meet John in the park. Don't tell your parents, okay?" Rene asked. " No problem. I wouldn't tell them," Hamton said. " Thanks. See ya," Rene said. Rene walked down the stairs and walked out of the back door to go meet up with John. John used to live in Toon River, but his parents split up. His dad moved to Vancouver and his mom stayed. John didn't like his mom, but put up with it to see his old friends from time to time. John and Rene had been going out for a year now and they called each other every Saturday night long distance to talk. John had the habit of blowing her off for other friends when he was here, and often times cancelled their plans. John smoked, but never around Rene. She hated it when he did that. Hamton didn't see Rene until four o'clock that morning. He stayed up, watching TV and listening to music. Sleep was beginning to hold less appeal. He wasn't tired at night anymore; only during the day. " So, what'd you do?" Hamton asked Rene as she walked by his room. " You still up? Well, all we did was catch up. I had to explain why I was living here and he told me about Vancouver," Rene said. " Okay. I guess I should go to sleep now," Hamton said. " Why? You tired or something?" Rene asked. " Not really. Just lack of something better to do," Hamton said. " Well, I'm not tired. Let's go for another walk," Rene said. Hamton decided to go along. Maybe walking around would waste some energy and get him tired finally. After an hour and a half of walking around an abandoned looking acme acres, they came back and finally both went to sleep. Hamton slept until two in the afternoon, about an hour after his parents left for work. " So what are you planning to do today?" Rene asked him as soon as he walked into the kitchen. " I don't know," Hamton said, grabbing the awaiting cup of coffee. " So, you're just gonna sit on your butt all day again?" " Probably." " Why don't you call up one of your friends?" " They won't want to do anything," Hamton said. " Why? Are they anti - social or something?" Rene asked. " No. It's just me they want to avoid," Hamton said. " Yeah right. You're just making up excuses." " I'll prove it. Watch," Hamton said, walking over to the phone and hitting the speaker phone button. He punched in Plucky's phone number and waited for an answer, " Hello?" Plucky said. " Hey, Plucky. It's Hamton. " Oh, uh... hi," Plucky said. " You busy right now?" Hamton asked. " Yeah, I'm doing... stuff," Plucky said. " Oh, okay. I'll call some other time," Hamton said. " Yeah, fine. Bye," Plucky said, hanging up the phone. " See?" Hamton asked Rene. " Okay, I get it. Your friends are losers," Rene said. " How do you figure? They all have lives to live, dates to go on, and parties to throw," Hamton said. " So what?" " I don't. Doesn't that make me the loser?" Hamton asked. " I thought I told you to stop trashing yourself," Rene said. " Fine, but I'm not very good at kidding myself," Hamton said. Rene walked into the next room and said under her breath," boy, does that kid have self esteem issues or what." That day, Rene went out with her friends in Acme acres. She didn't usually live there and she had more friends than Hamton. She was with her group of friends, who didn't like John too much, until midnight when she went and saw John again. She just told Hamton's parents that she was sleeping at a friends house, but she ended up coming home at five in the morning. All she and John did was kiss and talk a little. The next morning, Hamton was waken up by his mother yelling," oh now, it's broken!" Hamton walked downstairs to see what she was talking about. " This computer. This web site won't load all the way!" she said, hitting the monitor repeatedly," it must be broken!" " It won't load because you hit the stop button," Hamton said. " Huh?" " That little stop light at the top of the screen," Hamton said," when you press that it stops loading." " I thought it would help me locate stop signs all over the world," she said. Her saying that made Hamton just sigh at her lack of computer knowledge, then he walked back up to his room and go back to sleep. They had had the internet for only a few months, and Hamton was the only one who knew what he was doing with it. This could be attributed to the fact that he had nothing else to do, so he went looking on the net for entertainment. The next day passed like the last until that evening. Ever since Rene got there, Hamton had been seeing somebody who had a super active social life, and he was almost as jealous of her as he was of his other friends, like Buster or Plucky. Whenever Rene was home, the phone was ringing constantly, and it was always for her. Sure, for teenage girls this was normal, but this was insane. Seeing this was making him more irritable. Jealousy can do that to people. Sometimes he would just get in a super annoyed mode from this, and it was going to be one of those times. " Hamton, can you help me download this picture?" His mom asked when she was sitting at a computer. " I've explained this a hundred times to you," Hamton said, annoyed. " I know, but could you remind me?" His mother asked. Hamton let out a small angry sigh. " What's your problem?" she asked. " I'm sick of explaining the same thing over and over again!" Hamton said. " Is something wrong?" Hamton's dad asked from across the room. " No," he replied. " So you're just unpleasant as a natural part of your personality?" his dad asked, also irritated. He'd been annoyed ever since Rene moved in. " Yeah, like you're Mr. pleasant all the time," Hamton said. " Watch your mouth!" he said. " No!" Hamton said back. He then walked out the front door and rode off on his bike. " What is his problem?" His father asked. " I don't know, but lately he seems so.... angry," she replied. She was right in this assessment, of course. He was more angry lately. Hamton had been more irritable, more quick to lash out at people, more removed than usual from them, and whenever something bugged him lately, he'd become ticked off very easily. Hamton came back at eleven that night when his parents would be asleep. He came home and flipped on the TV but nothing was on, so he grabbed an unlabeled videotape to find out what was on it. It was prom - ise her anything, the last thing he needed to see at this moment. " Why haven't I taped over this yet?" Hamton asked himself. He wanted to shut it off, but he didn't. He saw Buster and Babs having so much fun together. He saw Plucky and Shirley enjoying themselves. He saw Dizzy kissing super models. He saw himself with Fifi, which he knew was all faked. In the middle of the episode, he saw Buster and Babs kiss, and he couldn't take it anymore. One tear became a full fledged sob. His face was red, and tears rolled down his face. He shut off the video and smashed it against the ground. He didn't even bother to throw out the pieces. He just walked upstairs and went to sleep. The tape reminded him of just how lonely he was. Seeing that also reminded him of another episode; Buster's guide to dating. In that episode, Buster said the line," this is about something that lies ahead for all of us." That made Hamton angry, and he only thought to himself," yeah, maybe it lies ahead for you every single night, but for some of us it'll never happen!" The next couple of days passed with nothing. No contact with his friends. Rene still having a great time. He fought a few more times with his parents. That was about it. Then came Buster's party. " Hey Buster!" Babs said as she entered the burrow. " Hey, Babs," Buster said, kissing her on the cheek. Hamton stood in the corner not saying anything, wondering why he came. Nobody said more than two words to him since he walked in. He was the last person to get there. After a couple of hours, it became obvious Shirley wasn't going to come. " Where's Shirley?" asked Plucky. " She had to baby-sit tonight," Babs said. " Darn it!" Plucky said. " Is there some important reason you wanted her here tonight?" Babs asked. " Yeah, I was planning to ask her out tonight!" Plucky said. " Ooh!!!" Babs said excitedly," I've got the number of where she's babysitting tonight. Babs then ran over to the phone and punched in the number. " Like hello?" Shirley said on the other end. " Hi, Shirl. It's Plucky." " Like, hey Plucky." " You seem happy tonight." " Yeah, these kids are like totally well behaved and I get twelve bucks and hour for babysitting them." " Well, I wanted to ask you something." " What?" " Do you want to go out sometime?" Plucky asked. " Like sure, I'll go out with you," Shirley said. " Great! How about tomorrow night?" Plucky asked. " Like sure! Bye!" Shirley said. Plucky hung up the phone with a mile wide grin on his face. " I know that look! She said yes!" Babs said. Plucky nodded yes. As the night went on, Calamity and Fifi began dancing. Beeper brought a date. Eventually, Hamton couldn't stand seeing it anymore. He just got up and left. There was no point in seeing other people happy when he was so miserable. Even Calamity, a mute coyote got a date. He was left all alone. Nobody even noticed when he left. He came home on the verge of crying again. He was quickly discovering how little he could stand seeing couples enjoying themselves anymore. Nothing particularly notable happened until the middle of July. Hamton was becoming bored with the same thing everyday. Wake up at noon. Eat. Watch T.V. Sleep. Watch more T.V. Go to sleep at 3 A.M. Rene had gone to a party with John and allot of friends. But, instead of being out all night again, she was brought home by allot of friends around twelve thirty in the morning. Hamton was suprised by the knock at the door that Saturday night. " Yes?" Hamton asked, seeing Rene's friends Vince, Ken and Anna standing there. " Listen Hamton, come out here," Anna said. Hamton walked outside and saw Rene stumbling around the front yard. " Rene had a little too much to drink tonight," Anna said. " I didn't even know she drank at all," Hamton replied. " Well, she does. Just about every night. She loves just about anything with more than thirty percent alcohol," Anna said," and by a little, I meant she drank four bottles of wine in the course of an hour." " She's completely wasted!" Ken chimed. " Ken, shut up!" Anna said," Hamton, just walk her around and keep her company. She's already barfed like six times. She's been drunk, but never like this." " Fine. I guess I'll take her around for a while," Hamton said. " Thanks. Her goal is to get you this trashed one day," Anna said. " Alcahol?" Hamton thought," hmm. Old people use it to solve problems. Or, forget them anyway. Maybe I'll try it." Hamton walked her around the block, stopping her from falling down more than a few times. She threw up on a neighbor's lawn and couldn't walk in a straight line. Good thing no cops ( or parents ) were anywhere near them. Eventually, Hamton took her back home and she passed out on the couch. " She's gonna have a monster hangover in the morning," Hamton said. The fact that Rene drank was not a huge suprise to him. But, he never expected her to come home drunk this badly. Hamton had never tried drinking before. He knew Plucky had once or twice, and he thought Babs might have. But, Hamton thought, she acts drunk or high or something all the time, so it would be hard to tell. The next morning, Rene woke up and yelled," oh, my head's killing me." Hamton walked over to the couch she passed out on. " Do you remember last night?" He asked. " Just to the point I chugged two bottles of wine in a minute. I killed Ken's record!" she said. " Well, you were plastered by the time you got home," Hamton said. " Really? That would explain why my head hurts so badly," Rene said. " Look, I won't tell my parents, but you'd better go have a shower. You smell like wine," he said. " Okay. Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick," she said. " I don't think you have much left with all the puking you did last night!" Hamton said. " Then I'll be doing some dry heaving," she said. " You go shower, okay? My parents haven't gotten up yet," Hamton said. " Yeah, okay," she said, barely able to pull herself off the couch. She then stumbled into the bathroom. Nobody breathed a word of her behavior to Hamton's parents. They would have flipped out on her, even though those two saw it as no big deal. Over the next two weeks, Rene would come home drunk three times, but not as bad as the first time. Hamton was getting used to it. Rene began to hide alcohol in her room to bring to her friends. One night was when a bottle of her favorite red wine was reserved. " Well, tonight is John's last night here," Rene said at one that morning," he's leaving at eight o'clock. Seven hours from now." " What are you going to do tonight?" Hamton asked. " Go to the park. Bring wine. Get drunk," she said. " Okay, but don't do anything stupid," Hamton said. " C'mon Hammy. You know me better than that. Even when I'm hammered I probably wouldn't do what you're thinking of," she said. " Just making sure," Hamton said," he could try something when you're both drunk." " Well, if he does, I kick him so he can't do what he wants to," Rene replied. " Ow," Hamton said. " Yeah. Don't worry. I'll be back at like six. Bye!' she said, walking out the door with a backpack containing two bottles of wine. Rene waited a few minute for John to arrive at the park. " Hi John," she said. " Hey Babe," he replied. " I brought you a surprise," Rene said, pulling out the wine. " My favourite! Booze!" he said. " I knew you'd like it," Rene said. John drew a little closer. " I can't believe you're leaving again," Rene said. " Yeah, but even if I wanted to, I couldn't stay," John said in the dark, windy, empty park. " What do you mean even if you wanted to?" Rene asked. " Well, I hate my mom, and I wouldn't want to live with her. And, as much as I love you, you aren't a good enough reason to live in a place like this," John said. Rene felt a little insulted, but was used to it. It was just the way John was. After an hour, the two were drunk and kissing heavily on the ground. At five o'clock a small beeping went off. " I have to go," John said. " No, you can't!" Rene argues," you can't!" Tears were coming to his eyes. " You can't go!" " I have to," John said. Rene begain to cry. John walked off. Rene came through the door at about five thrity and walked into Hamton's room. He was asleep. " Hammy," she said through a wall of her own tears," we need to go for a walk. Like, right now." Hamton woke up. " Right now?" he asked. " Yeah. I need to talk," she said," and none of my friends would walk around at five thirty in the morning." Hamton grabbed his hat and walked out the door onto the dark streets to listen to her. She cried as she told Hamton that John wouldn't be back for another year. To her unpleasant suprise, Hamton wasn't very sympathetic. " How would you feel if you knew you couldn't see the person you love the most for a year?" she asked. " You know. if I had a person I loved most, then I could answer that question. But, you have somebody and I don't. Forgive me for not feeling sorry for you," Hamton said. " You know how much I like John," she said. " Yeah, and I also know what you two do in one night is more than I'll have in my entire life! I would kill to have somebody to even go out with once! Not even a complete loser would go out with me, and you have a cool person who likes you!" Hamton said. Rene slapped him. " I can't believe how selfish and insensitive you are!" she said. " I can't believe the same thing about you! I hear about your romantic and social trials and tribulations everyday. I never whine to you asking for sympathy from you. I don't know why you think you have it so hard, but you don't! You listen to death music, write bleak poems, and are now complaining because you have a nice person waiting for you in another country. Tell me where your problems come in!" Hamton said. Rene reared back her fist and punched him in the face, and then ran in the opposite direction of their house. Hamton, not being able to believe he said all that stuff to Rene, walked back home with a sore face. " I don't feel guilty for saying all that stuff at all," Hamton said to himself. Rene didn't come back until the middle of the night. She was looking for a sympathetic ear, and throughout her life, Hamton had been the only one of those in the family. " I can't believe what a jerk Hamton's acting like! Why can't he just stop being so selfish and realize how hard this is?" Rene asked herself. She didn't understand that Hamton was lonely and jealous. All she saw was how he acted towards her. Actually, to this point nobody had picked up on Hamton's changing attitude. Not even Rene. Hamton used to be content with just a clean home and a good report card. In the old days, a vacuum was like a precious possession. He took pride in being so smart and a teacher's pet. All his friends weren't the best students. But, All that had changed all of the sudden. That stuff wasn't real hapiness. He began seeing what other people had in terms of lives, and he wanted to have a life like Buster's more than anything else in the world. Nobody understood that he would do anything for a social life. All the people around him thought he was just becoming bitter. And, to an extent, that was also true. Hamton and Rene said nothing to each other over the next few days. Hamton did miss talking with her, because, until recently, she was the only member of his family he could stand talking to. The days went by with Hamton not having any meetings with any of his friends. He tried, but they always had excuses to avoid seeing them. Eventually, he just stopped caring. He also began to dress in black allot. It was just about the only color he wore anymore. His taste in music really began to change. He refused to listen to anything happy anymore. " I can't believe I used to like this song," Hamton said, looking at an old CD with a pleasant song on it," all these things have all this upbeat stuff on it." Hamton grabbed a pile of CDs and walked down stairs with one blank CD and began recording songs onto a CD. Nothing happy. All of it depressing or angry. By this time the school year was only a couple of days away. The summer passed with Hamton becoming more miserable then ever before in his life. This new CD was labeled," life " and the songs on it were all depressing except for two angry ones. Allot of them also had something to do with how he felt. The songs, if anybody knows any of them, were really depressing: 1: I would do anything for love ( but I won't do that ) ( Meatloaf, 1993 ) 2: To the Moon and Back ( Savage garden, 1997 ) 3: Objects in the rear view mirror ( Meatloaf, 1993 ) 4: Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness ( The Smashing Pumpkins, 1996 ) 5: Unforgiven ( Metallica ) * 6: Far behind ( Canddlebox, 1996 ) 7: Name ( Goo Goo dolls, 1995 ) 8: Iris ( Goo Goo dolls, 1998 ) 9: Around Here ( Counting Crows, 1993 ) 10: The trick is to keep breathing ( Garbage, 1998 ) 11: What it's like ( Everlast, 1998 ) 12: Losing my religion ( R.E.M., 1992 ) NOTE: The lyrics to " Far Behind" are the most important of all to know ( trust me, it will make sense as you go on ), so here they are: Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you bad But I did it anyway And not maybe Some would say your life was sad But you lived it anyway And now maybe Your friends they stand beside they watch you crumble As you falter to the ground And now maybe Your friends they stand beside as you were flying Oh you were flying oh so high But then some day people look at you for what they call their own They watch you suffer Yeah they hear you calling home But then some day we could take our time To brush the leaves aside so you can reach us But you left me far behind Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad But I did it anyway Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had But you couldn't share the pain No, no, no Couldn't share the pain they watch you suffer Now maybe I could have made my own mistakes But I live with what I've known Yes maybe we might share in something great But won't you look at where we've grown Won't you look at where we've gone But then someday comes tomorrow holds a sense of what I fear for you in my mind As you trip the final line And that cold day when you lost control Shame you left my life So soon you should have told me But you left me far behind Now maybe I didn't meant to treat you oh so bad But I did it anyway Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had But you couldn't share the pain No, no, no Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad But I did it anyway No maybe some would say you're left with what you had But you couldn't share the pain I said times have changed your friends They come and watch you crumble to the ground They watch you suffer Yeah they hold you down Hold you down Maybe brother maybe love I didn't mean to treat you bad But you left me far behind Left me far behind Left me far behind Some of those songs were never released on the radio ( songs 3, 4, and 10 ), but Hamton knew them all, and they all had a general theme of sadness to them. Far behind was given an asterix on the CD label. When he bought the CD three years ago, he just thought it was a good, although sad, song. Now he was beginning to relate to the words. And, as time goes on, his life would almost follow the song to the letter. After a few more days, school began again. A huge group of new kids had now enrolled in the school from the closed down Toon River. Hamton didn't see that many new faces; the Toon river kids tended to stay together because allot of them knew nobody at Acme. Rene and Hamton still hadn't spoken again yet. Buster and Babs, and Shirley and Plucky were still couples, and Hamton didn't even approach them on this first day. He hadn't seen them in two months, and they never even tried to call him. They'd left him far behind and he wasn't even going to waste his time anymore. He sat in the cafeteria alone that morning. Classes were uneventful. He hardly spoke a word the entire day. He didn't have a single class with the people he once saw as his friends. Lunch time was spent alone. At this point, a big change began from last year already: Hamton ate nothing. He refused to eat. Seeing all his former friends who abandoned him enjoying themselves so much made him physically ill. When he got home, his parents asked what would be the daily question for the whole year," so, how was school " the minute they saw him. " It was.. well, school," Hamton replied. " That's it? That's all your going to tell us?" They asked. " Yes," Hamton said, walking up to his room and slamming the door behind him. Hamton wasn't going to tell his parents about his problems. He hadn't told them he'd lost all his friends. He hadn't told them how depressed he was feeling at this very moment. And, he hadn't mentioned the thought that had just entered his mind seriously for the very first time in his life. He only put on his depressing CD, and paid special attention to song number six. " I think my life is this song," Hamton said to himself," there's just one part I'm not living out. And, I don't think realizing that one part will take me too much longer." Hamton also told himself that if he could just get a girlfriend that would end his social woes. Hence, he also paid special attention to song number one. Song number one was the sentiment he felt most strongly, and song number six was the one he could relate to. ( " ...You're burning up in your bed, you've got a fever of love and there's not an anti - body in sight.") ( Good Girls go to heaven, Bad girls go everywhere. Meatloaf, 1993 ). At about five thirty his mother knocked on the closed door to his room. Hamton paused the music and came to the door. " Come on, Hamton. It's time to eat," she said. " I'm not hungry right now," Hamton replied. " Are you feeling okay?" she asked. " Not really," he replied. " Anything you want to discuss?" she asked. Hamton nodded no. His mother gave up and closed the door. At about seven thirty, Hamton was half asleep when another knock came at the door. " What's your problem loser?" Rene asked. " Get lost," Hamton said back. " What are you doing in here?" Rene asked. " Avoiding you." " Whatever," Rene said, walking off. Hamton was in no mood to apologize, especially since he felt he had nothing to be sorry for. Nothing else happened until the next morning. Hamton woke up and grabbed some lunch money as usual, even if he had no intention of using it. " Where's all the money? Did you take it, loser?" Rene asked him. " I took two bucks," he said. " Let me see," she said. Hamton showered her eight quarters. " Give it to me," Rene said. " I'd be happy to," Hamton said. He then took each quarter and one by one threw them at her face. " There, you have the stupid quarters!" Hamton said. Rene's face got red with anger and Hamton stormed out the door walking to the bus stop early. " I hate that kid!!!" Rene yelled with nobody around listening. The day at school began identically to the last one. Hamton did try to talk to Buster, but he walked away when approached. Second period was gym class. Hamton was in a class full of real athletes and he was totally non - athletic. " Isn't gym great?" he heard one classmate say. " Yeah, you finally get a class you'll use," another replied. Gym began like the last days class with the students having to run laps around the track for fifteen minutes. Hamton was an athsmatic, so he dreaded running more than anybody else. After a few minutes of running his lungs got tighter and it was much harder the breathe. He didn't mention this fact to the coach because it would cause more embarrassment on top of the humiliation of being a terrible athlete. " I say, I say settle down class," coach Foghorn Leghorn said," today we're going to be playing basketball," he said. " You younguns divide yourselves into teams." One team ended up with all the good players and the other had five people of the same athletic ability as Hamton. " Check out those losers," one of the players on the good team said. " Shut up," one of the opposing players replied. One of the good players walked over and said," check out these marshmallows." He then smacked Hamton in the back of the head and the other team began to laugh hysterically. Hamton thought about punching the other guy, but restrained himself. " Who does he think he is?" One of Hamton's teammates said. " I don't know, but I hate that guy," Hamton said," but he's the best athlete here, and the second best in the school." " What's his name again?" the player asked. " Rod LeClair," Hamton said. " And who's the kid that's better than him?" the guy asked. " I forget the kid's name," Hamton said. He, of course, knew perfectly well it was Buster, but he couldn't even mention any of the people who used to be his friends without becoming angry or depressed, depending on what context he was discussing them in. The actual game of basketball was of course a one - sided affair. The good team was killing Hamton's team. At this point it was 35 - 2. " Man, they bite!" One of the players on the good team said after hitting a three. Hen then pushed Hamton to the ground after the shot went down. Hamton got a mad look on his face. He ran down the court and dunked them ball. He then took the ball and hit the player who pushed him in the back of the head with it. " I say, I say Settle down children!" Foghorn said. The game ended with the other team winning, and Hamton was so angry his heart was almost pounding out of his chest. One of the players from his team said from behind him," anybody else Wanna kill Rod?" " I do," Hamton said. " Hey, it's you Hamton. The star center," the guy said. " Hardly the star," Hamton said," we got killed." " So? Hey, my name's Brendan," the other student said. Brendan was about six foot two, and very thin. He was a brown duck. He looked liked he would be a good basketball player, but he was so tall and thin that his movements were awkward. His father was a doctor. The two walked into the lunch room and sat down with one or two of the other people from their gym class, and a few people Hamton had never met. " Hey guys," Brendan said the other people there. " Hey. Who's this guy?" One of them asked. " That's Hamton. He's in my gym class," Brendan replied. They all talked about their classes and the people they hated. Not one person there mentioned any girls, and needless to say none were sitting with them. This caused Hamton to realize something very upsetting: last year, he had all the popular people as friends, even if wasn't as popular as them. This year, he ended up with losers for friends. He wondered if his life could have fallen back any further. In the middle of this conversation, he peered across the cafeteria and saw Buster with Babs and Shirley with Plucky. Calamity and Fifi were walking the halls holding hands. And, all he had was a group of unpopular losers, and he felt like he definitely fell into that category. He went home that night and turned on the radio. The song " Push " was on. The song is basically about one person pushing somebody else around, the rest of the world was doing. ( " I want to push you down, and drag you down. I want to take you for granted." ) ( Push, Matchbox 20, 1996 ) Later on that night, a knock came on the door of his room. Without opening it, Hamton's mother said," Hamton, we're ordering out food. What do you want?" " Nothing," Hamton replied. His mother opened the door and asked him," have you been eating at all lately?" " Yeah. At school," Hamton replied. " Don't lie. Rene told us you don't eat at school," his mother said. " I haven't been hungry," Hamton said. " Why not?" his mother asked. " Well, I'm fat and I'm tired of it," Hamton said. " Okay, but why don't you just eat something healthy?" she asked as she walked out of the room. " Because you gain less weight with nothing," Hamton said to himself. He figured maybe if he dropped a lot of weight he'd be more attractive, find a girlfriend, and all of his social problems would end. His skin was getting pale from not eating much. The days passed. No contact with his old friends. His want for a love life became a huge void in his life that he needed filled desperately. The people at school kept making fun of him. He never retaliated at their physical or verbal attacks. He just took it. His self esteem was at an all time low, and for him, that was really saying something. And, dark thoughts against himself began to fill his mind. He had come to two conclusions in his life. They were 1: There was definitely no such thing as god, so from that point on he denounced all religious beliefs, confident that if there was a god, he would do something to change his life, and 2: life wasn't worth it. The second thought would come into his mind all the time. It was now the beginning of October and he'd eaten so little he lost twenty pounds since the beginning of the year. Every night he'd sit alone in his room listening to the depressing CD. He'd memorized every song on it, and two of them were over fifteen minutes long. He'd made up with Rene, who worried about his behavior. He hadn't been out to see his friends in months, and she was out every night. " Can I talk to you?" Rene asked Hamton's mother. " Yeah," Hamton's mother said. " Have you noticed any change in Hammy?" Rene asked. " More than you know," she said. " He's been really alone lately. I can hear him cry every night, even when he drowns it in his pillow," she said. " I know," Hamton's mother said, sounding upset. " I never thought having no social life would do this to anybody," Rene said. " You may never have had that problem, but Hamton's friends have ignored him for years. He hasn't called any of them lately," she said. " Yeah, and he only hangs around with the same four people at school who never see him after school," Rene said. " I'm worried about him," his mother said. " So am I," Rene replied. " Can we do anything?" she asked. " No," Rene said," he wouldn't want help. He never even talks about why he's so depressed all the time to me, never mind some complete stranger shrink." " Maybe it'll pass," Hamton's mother said. It didn't. He was more alone than ever. He lost another five pounds, and he weighed less than Plucky now. He still had no life outside of school. More dark thoughts filled his mind, and he hadn't smiled in two weeks. It was getting worse. He argued more with his parents, he had no dates, and he didn't work as hard at school. School ended one Monday night in late October with nobody being home. He walked into the bathroom and looked around. He accidentally knocked down a Tylenol bottle. " I'd better pick this up. Hey, what's that say?" he asked, looking at a warning on the side. It said," excessive use of this product can be harmful or fatal." Hamton put it back, and the depressed thoughts in his mind got stronger. Hamton, while listening to the depressing CD, asked himself," do you want relief? I'm tired. I'm sick of fighting against everything.School is depressing and your friends left you behind. So, the question remains. " The question became more obvious in his mind with each passing day. Did he want to go for relief? On that Wednesday, Rene and Hamton took one of their walks, and Rene asked Hamton something odd. " Hammy?" Rene asked. " Yeah?" Hamton asked. " If you we're going to kill yourself, how would you do it?" she asked. " What kind of a question is that?" Hamton asked. " Seriously. Answer the question," Rene said. " I don't know. Pills maybe," Hamton said," or poison." " Oh. I would jump from a high ledge," she said. " There aren't any buildings around here high enough," Hamton said. " Hammy, this is hypothetical," she said. " Oh right," Hamton said. " Tell ya what. If you're ever going to do that, tell me. If I'm going to, I'll tell you," Rene said. " Alright," Hamton said nervously. Hamton didn't think she knew he'd thought about it before. More coincidental things would happen and give him an idea of what to do. That night, Rene was watching the show " Forever Knight." Hamton walked in during the first scene of the show. He saw a young woman, fully clothed, slip into a full bathtub with a note next to her. He grabbed a scalpel and plunged it into the veins on her wrists. She bled to death very quickly. The water turned red and she slipped underwater, the bloody scalpel floating above her. " What'd she do that for?" Hamton asked Rene, not being familiar with the episode. " Oh, she had no social life, so she did that," Rene replied. Hamton remembered the method. That Friday would be the set off day. It was October 30th, and it was also Buster and Babs' one year anniversary. Hamton heard them talking from down the hall from him. " I can't wait for tonight. It'll be so romantic," Babs said. " I know, I can't wait," Buster said, smiling and kissing her. Hamton looked down and whispered to himself," you're making the right choice." That night, Rene went to a devil's night party a block away. Hamton was left at home. It was about eight P.M. He had already made up his mind about what he was going to be doing tonight. " Hamton, you're doing nothing. Can you go clean out the attic?" she asked. " No," Hamton said. " Why not? You used to love cleaning," His mother said. " Bite me," Hamton said to her. Hamton's father came in and said," you NEVER talk to your mother that way. I don't care how angry or upset you are! You do what your mother says without question!" " You can bite me, too!" Hamton said. " If you were a grown man I'd punch you in the face!" His dad said. Hamton was so angry right now his leg was shaking with angry momentum. He wanted to punch his dad in the face, but once again he restrained himself. " He's going to feel guilty when he find me tomorrow morning," Hamton said to himself. Both his parents went to sleep, but Hamton stayed up. He was waiting until Rene got home and went to sleep also. He didn't want anybody around. About nine o'clock the phone rang. " Hello?" Hamton said. " It's Rene. Can you bring us a movie?" she asked. " Which one?" " The shining," she said. " Fine, I'll be there in a few minutes," Hamton said, then he hung up the phone. He took the video and walked over to the party. Rene answered the door. " Hi, Hammy. Give me the movie," she said. " Here," Hamton said, handing over the video. " Who's at the door?" Shania, the host of the party, asked. " Just my cousin," she said. " Well, tell him to come in," she said. " No. Hammy, go home," Rene said. " But I want to go in," Hamton said. He figured he might as well have a little fun one last time. " It's not you house," Hamton protested. " Don't try that it's not your house stuff with me!" Rene said. " Rene!" Shania said. " Hamton, GO HOME!" Rene said. " Fine," Hamton said, walking away alone. Rene was incredibly angry with him, his parents were mad at him, and he was already more down than he'd ever been in his life. " Just to let you know, loser," Rene said as she walked by his room at two a.m.," there was a girl I was going to set you up with, but now, no way! Ha!" That right there re - enforced his decision. Rene went to sleep shortly, and it was time for the closing ceremonies of his life to begin. " How am I going to do this thing?" Hamton asked himself. He looked at the bottle of pills and took them down. He also saw a small knife that looked like a scalpel, and a bottle of cleaner with a " Warning: Poison. May be harmful or fatal " label on it. " The scalpel is too messy," Hamton said to himself. He took the cleaner and the pills and put them on the nightstand next to his bed. He then walked around the house. One last time he turned on the radio. The song "jumper " was on. It was about somebody telling a friend not to kill themselves. ( Wish you would step back from that ledge my friend. The angry boy a bit too insane. Icing over a secret pain. You know you don't belong. Your friends all left, you've been dismissed. I never thought it would come to this." ) ( Jumper, third eye blind, 1997 ). " I don't plan to listen to the message behind this song," Hamton said. For a final time, he flipped on the T.V. It was set to a music channel. The song on was everybody hurts by R.E.M. The video showed people in their cars and what they were thinking. One showed a teenaged boy thinking," they're going to miss me." " I wonder if they're going to miss me?" Hamton thought. " I don't think they will. What's there to miss? I'm just kind of there. I don't even know if my parents will care..." After a little more looking around, Hamton thought to himself," where did everything just go wrong? At what point did I get so jaded? I used to be optimistic. " This is the last time I'll ever see this stuff. At least, I hope it is," Hamton said. Tears came to his eyes as he peered around at the house he'd grown up in. He then turned on the CD he had listened to so many times over the last few months. One last time, he sang along lightly with the bleak, depressing music that may have contributed more than anything else to his depression. He was going to live out the last thing mentioned in far behind, which was this line: "...and that cold day when you lost control, shame you left my life so soon you should have told me, but you left me far behind." ( Far Behind, Candlebox, 1996 ). This was the cold day he was going to lose control. Control of the overwhelming emotions of sadness and depression. Control of his own actions. Control of living. Rene would have wanted to know. He had told her a couple of weeks ago if he was ever going to do this he would tell her first, but he wasn't going to tell her. Even if they weren't fighting, he wouldn't tell her. She might try to stop him. Or, she might tell his parents. It was much easier this way. Nobody could stop him. Hamton thought of his being depressed as a runaway train. It wasn't going to stop and eventually, it would crash and kill. ( " How on Earth did I get so jaded? Life's mystery seems so faded. It seems no one can help me know. I'm in too deep there's no way out. Runaway train, never coming back. Wrong way on a one way. Seems like I should be getting somewhere. Some how neither here nor there." ) ( Runaway Train, Soul Asylum, 1994 ). Hamton thought back to the old days of TTA, when he was still happy. ( " But it was long ago and it was far away. Oh god it seems to very far. And if life is just a highway, then the soul is just a car. And objects in the rear view mirror may appear closer than they are." ) ( Objects in the rear view mirror, Meatloaf, 1993 ). " I would do anything for love," was the next song he thought of. He knew it was true. If he could have found a girlfriend, he wouldn't be preparing himself to do what he was going to do. But, nobody would understand all of this. Why he felt so lonely, and why this lonliness was worth taking his own life for. This is why he didn't tell anybody what he was going to do or why. ( " And I don't want the world to see me, because I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am." ) ( Iris, the goo goo dolls, 1998 ). He looked at his room. A poster with the complete lyrics to " To the Moon and Back " were on there. A song about somebody becoming bitter because they had no love and they would do anything to have it. It also mentioned not talking to people and losing touch with people they know for the same reason. TO THE MOON AND BACK: She's taking her time making up the reasons To justify all the hurt inside Guess she knows from the smiles and the look in their eyes Everyone's got a theory about the bitter one They're saying," mama never loved her much" And," daddy never keeps in touch. That's why she shies away from human affection" But somehwere in a private place She packs her bags for outer space And know she's waiting for the right kind of pilot to come And she'll say to him I would fly you to the moon and back if you'll be... If you'll be my baby Got a ticket for a world where we belong So would you be my baby? She can't remember a time when she felt needed If love was red than she was color blind. All her friends were trialed for treason And crimes that were never defined She's saying," love is like a barren place, And reaching out for human faith Is like a journey I just don't have a map for" So baby's gonna take a dive And push the shift to overdrive Send a signal that she's hanging all her hopes on the stars What a pleanant dream. I would fly you to the moon and back if you'll be... If you'll be my baby Got a ticket for a world where we would belong So would you be my baby? " I can't remember how many times I've listened to that in the last few months," Hamton said," the words do mean allot to me. I wish I couldn't, but I can relate to this song in a big way." He then let out a painful sigh. " I guess it's time," Hamton said. He took the bottle of poison, opened his mouth, and in a gutsy move that even caused him to surprise himself, he actually downed it. He believed he would chicken out before he even tried to end it all. But, he wanted relief. Life felt like a fight he was getting killed in, and he was tired, and he wanted to stop fighting. This was his white flag. Within seconds the emotional pain got a companion; incredible physical pain. It began as not that much. It was actually the taste of the substance that was the worst. And, with every breath, it was all he tasted. It just came back and came back. " I can't believe I did that," Hamton said out loud. After a little while longer, he was puking all over the floor. A horrible taste was stuck in his mouth. After everything he'd eaten became a puddle of red on the ground coupled with blood from inside him, he slipped into bed. His stomach felt like it was burning. His head dropped onto the pillow, and he got the sudden sensation that he wanted to live, but he talked himself out of calling 9- 11. " I hope this is it," Hamton said. He then burried his face into his pillow. To his own supirse, he wasn't crying. He acted like he wasn't sad at all. He was, of course. He was sad that it had come to this, not that he was finally going to leave his misery. Finally, after ten minutes, he was out. It was unclear whether he was dead, if he passed out, or he was just asleep. Before he was out, he told himself he hoped he would never wake up again. That wish would not come true. He woke up that afternoon with the pain being worse. " NO!!! I CAN'T STILL BE ALIVE!!!" Hamton cried out. He immediately grabbed the pill bottle and swallowed it. He threw up more and got a worse taste in his mouth. Tylenol was bad tasting as it was, never mind a hundred of them at once all being forced back up. As he threw up, the small pills came back up, half dissolverd. His throwing up was so loud, his mother broke in and asked," what are you doing?" She saw the empty bottle of pills and the empty poison. " Oh my god!!!! What are you doing?" she asked. Hamton's face was white, his body was shaking, and he heaved every few seconds. She immediately grabbed him by the arm and took him into the car. " What were you doing?" she asked. " What did it look like?" he asked. " Like you were trying to kill yourself," his mother said as they drove towards the hospital. " You got it," he said. " Why?" she asked. " Life sucks, and I'm tired of it," he said. They pulled into the emergency room and Hamton's mother walked in with him. " Can I help you?" asked the nurse on call. Hamton explained what he did. " Why?" she asked. Hamton explained how he had no life and was ditched by his former friends. Over all this time, he had never verbally expressed his pain to anybody. Now, he would have to. He had to tell the nurse in the emergency room, the doctors who came into see him, and finally, the psychologist who came and talked to him. The doctor was named Dr. Hartley. He was balding, about fifty five, and had a French Canadian accent. After three days in the hospital, Dr. Anthony diagnosed him with clinical depression. All the signs matched: thoughts and attempts at suicide, the fatigue, the lack of eating, the detachment and irritability when it came to his family. They started him on Prozzak, and let him go home. School had a couple of holidays this week, so he missed nothing. That night when he walked in the door for the first time since his shot at ending it all, he didn't feel as bad. Verbalizing the emotional pain must have helped. Then, he saw Rene for the first time. " Hey, Hammy," she said, quieter than usual. " Hi," Hamton said. " Can we talk?" she asked. " Yeah," he replied. " Let's go for a walk," she said. As soon as they were a few feet from the house, Rene began to talk. " Hammy, why did you do it?" she asked. " Do what?" he asked. " Don't ask dumb questions," she replied. " You know I have no life. I see you with dates and friends and parties, then I see all the popular people who ditched me and the few friends I have that never talk to me outside of school," Hamton said. " I know, but don't you think that was a little harsh?" she asked. " No. Wouldn't you do the same thing?" he asked. " I suppose I would," she replied," but weren't you supposed to tell me when if you were going to?" " What would you have done if I told you?" he asked. " Watched," she replied. " What?" he asked. " You heard me. I wanted to see death," she said. " That's sick," he said. " Yeah, but if it was somebody enforcing it on themselves, then it's okay. They were going to die anyway. After the mourning was done, it could inspire some writing," she said. " Well, you wouldn't have seen it had you watched," he said. " You aren't going to try it again, are you?" she asked. " No. At least not right away. It depends on how I feel later," he said. " Well, what's going to change how you feel?" she asked. " Drugs," he replied. " Like crack or something?" " No. Anti - depressants," he said. " That's weird. You're going to have to let me try those some time," she said. " You're serious?" he asked. " No. I'm joking. Lighten up!" she said. When he came back to school, he looked a little more pale. " What's with your face? You look a little flushed," Brendan commented. " No. I'm fine," Hamton replied. " Yeah right. Did you get trashed this weekend?" Brendan asked. " No. Stop asking me stupid questions, okay?" Hamton said. " Seriously, tell me!" Brendan said. " No!" Hamton said. Brendan asked him again, and Hamton walked up and kicked him in the leg. Brendan squatted down a little from pain. The rest of November was uneventful. Hamton had regular appointments with the psychologist who saw him in the hospital. School was still a miserable place. People picked on him, and he still had no contact with his old friends and no girlfriend. Finally, December came along. Christmas was happy, even if Hamton had began calling it Xmas as he didn't want to associate religion with it. The week before he wrote exams. " Merry Christmas," Rene said, handing him a gift. He thanked her and gave her one. The rest of the morning was pleasant. Hamton got a lot of stuff he wanted. Rene got mostly CDs. Finally, New Years eve came up. It had been a year Hamton would rather forget. Nothing good happened. The old semester was over and a new set of classes was going to be begin with a new set of possibilities. But, the pain of the last year would remain. On this new years eve, he knew Buster would be with Babs and Plucky would be with Shirley. He put on an old counting crows CD. Specifically, a song called Long December. " It's been a long December, and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last..." Hamton had started eating normal again, and he hadn't listened to his depressing CD since devil's night. And, soon enough, things would be looking up again. The first day of the new semester was upon them. Hamton's classes were All tough ones, since he had all his easy classes the previous semester. They were Toon Physics, ACME devices, WB literature, and French. He arrived at his new homeroom and saw Dizzy, Furrball, and Calamity standing outside. " Hi guys," Hamton said nervously. " Hey, Hamton," Dizzy replied. The four of them discussed the semester that went by. Hamton hadn't told anybody he knew about his problem. He felt he had no friend that close that he could trust it to them. Hamton ended up spending lunch with the same friends. The final class of the day was French. He walked in and saw a girl in the front row wearing a Phoenix Coyotes hockey jersey. " Not my favorite team, but at least somebody else here likes hockey," he said to himself. Hamton had become a hockey fan over the last year, but he preferred the Dallas Stars. The girl he saw was a pig who had long, somewhat curly black hair, a large head, she was tall for a fourteen year old ( five foot nine or ten ). She had an almost acne - free complexion. Below the Coyotes jersey was a Coyotes turtle neck with the logo on the top on the black neck of it. Hamton looked at the seat with his name designated on it. In front of him sat Buster, beside him sat Plucky, and at the back he saw a black rabbit with a white shirt on and the hair between his to long ears spiked up. He saw this same guy in ACME devices class that morning. Hamton apprehensively sat down. Hamton glanced over briefly at Buster, then at Plucky, but said nothing. " Hey, it's that quiet kid from my devices class," the black rabbit said. " I remember you. What was your name again?" Hamton asked. " Zack. Zack Rabbit," he said. " Oh," Hamton said. Buster and Plucky exchanged no words with Hamton. They did talk to each other, and almost as if they knew it would bother Hamton, they talked about their weekend dates. " So Plucky, where did you and Shirley go this weekend?" Buster asked. " We went out to dinner, than saw Austin Powers 2," Plucky said. " I can't believe Shirley actually agreed to see that," Buster commented. " Are you kidding? It was her idea. She's really lightened up lately," Plucky said. " I wanted to see that movie, and Babs was incredibly excited about seeing it, so we went on Saturday," Buster said. Hamton wanted to tell both of them off, but decided this wasn't the time or the place. Very appropriately, Pepe LePeu was the teacher of this French class. " Bonjour, garcons et filles," Pepe began. " Je m'apelle M. LePeu." Pepe went on for the whole class about what they would be learning in French that semester. Most of the students didn't pay any attention. That night was uneventful. The next day at school, however, was not. Pepe had given them homework that night to test what they already knew in French. " Hamton," Plucky yelled over at him. Hamton was surprised and tempted to ignore him, but didn't. " What is it?" Hamton asked in an annoyed tone. " Did you finish that French homework from yesterday?" he asked. " Why do you care if I did or not?" Hamton asked. " I need to copy you," he said. " Get lost," Hamton replied. Later on, he found out saying that was a bad idea. He learned from Dizzy that Plucky went around trashing him to other people. " Hey, Dizzy, Furrball did you hear Hamton ( low whispering )," Plucky said. He repeated this to several people. " Hamton, did you hear what Plucky's being saying about you?" somebody asked. " No, what?" Hamton asked. The guy whispered the rumor. " He's dead," Hamton said under his breath. At lunch, Hamton came up behind him and put his hand around Pluck'y scrawny neck. " Why exactly have you been talking behind my back?" Hamton asked, walking right up behind Plucky who was enjoying lunch with Shirley. " Excuse me for a second, Shirl," Plucky said. He then stood up and said," some of us are trying to spend time with our girlfriends. Something you'll never know anything about!" That did it. Hamton's face got read and he got a look of demonic rage in his eyes. He then yelled," Listen, you stupid punk! Not only do you have the audacity to ditch me because of your over active hormones but you decide to talk about me behind my back? Screw you!" " What's your problem? Just because Shirley is way more important to me than a ten year friendship you're going psycho on me?" Plucky asked. " You don't get it, do you?" Hamton asked. " Are you still mad because we all permanently ditched you last summer?" Plucky asked. Hamton nodded yes ( it was that, and he was jealous of them ), and pulled back his fist and punched Plucky in the face. The whole cafeteria turned silent and turned around to look. Plucky's beak turned halfway around his face. This was not going to be the only surprise event of the day. He then kicked him while he was down and yelled some more at him. " Now shut up before I come back and finish you," Hamton said. " Like, I can't believe old Hamton did that!" Shirley said. " I know. What's gotten into him?" Plucky asked. " Like, you just got beaten up by somebody who's never been in a fight before. See ya," Shirley said, getting up and leaving. " I can't believe you!" Babs could be heard yelling from the hall. " Why? You're the one with the problem!" Buster yelled back. Hamton ran to the hall to see what was happening. He missed part of the conversation, but all he ended up hearing at the end was Babs saying," consider yourself DUMPED!!!" He knew he shouldn't be enjoying this, but he wasn't the nice guy he used to be, so, he laughed as he saw the two break up. He saw Buster angrily charge down the hall and walk into the bathroom. He decided to go see how he was going to react. " I can't believe that dumb... rabbit dumped me!" Buster said. He then punched the door hard enough to part way knock it off the hinge. Hamton laughed when he heard this. " Finally those two get what they deserve," Hamton said. That afternoon in French class, Plucky was feeling humiliated about being nailed by Hamton. " Hamton, listen man. I'm sorry," Plucky said with a split down him lip and a pain in his ribs from where the enraged pig kicked him. " About what?" Hamton asked. " The last six months," Plucky replied. " Fine. This time you gotta prove you're actually going to be my friend instead of being yourself," Hamton said. " Hey, I'm trying to apologize here. Don't insult me," Plucky said. " I should have insulted you before. But, I do take your apology," he said. Buster could be heard uttering profanities under his breath. " What's with you?" Plucky asked. " I broke up with Babs today," Buster said. " Really?" Plucky asked," I never thought that would happen." " I always hoped that would happen," Hamton said under his breath. " What did you say?" Buster asked. " Nothing." For the rest of the class, Buster, Plucky and Hamton all talked. After being humiliated by Hamton in front of Shirley, Shirley didn't say anything else to him, and the subject of girlfriends didn't come up for the rest of the class. Hamton did look over at the girl who was wearing the Phoenix Coyotes jersey. Today, her shirt read " Dallas Stars Hockey." " Interesting. A fan of both of them," Hamton commented. " Maybe I should intorduce myself. Nah." That night Hamton went home in a positive frame of mind for the first time in a long time. He walked in the door at home. " How was your day?" Rene asked him. " How'd you get home so early?" Hamton asked. " I got a ride home. Anyway, how was school?" she asked. " Good. I actually talked to a couple of my old friends," Hamton said. " You just talked to them?" she asked, suspiciously. " Well, actually, I punched one in the face and laughed at the other getting dumped, but then we talked," Hamton said. " Cool!" Rene said. " Yeah. Say, why don't you have any music going?" Hamton asked," you have music blasting everyday when we get home." " Sorry. Hold on a second," she said. She turned on Ricky Martin. " Do you have any idea how sick of this guy I am?" Hamton asked. " Do I care? I like it," Rene replied. The two argued lightly over music until Hamton just gave up and she cranked Ricky. The next morning, Hamton was intent on showing that girl in his French class he was sort of a kindred spirit, a fellow Dallas Stars fan. He put on his white Dallas jersey and some jeans and went to school. Lunch time provided an interesting display. First, Shirley came up to have a discussion with Plucky. " Like Plucky, we've gotta talk," Shirley said. " About what?" Plucky asked. " Well, I'm like totally dumping you. You're like friends with Buster, and Babs is my friend, and they totally hate each other now. And, you got like beaten up by Hamton and some junk," Shirley said, and then walked away. " Thanks a lot Hamton and Buster!" Plucky said. " So you two have both been dumped?" Hamton asked. They both nodded yes. Even if they were sort of his friends again, he took some pleasure in them finally getting some pain. He felt they deserved it; they'd hat it to good and too easy for too long. " Don't worry, Hamton. Babs will be coming back to me any day now," Buster said. " Don't count on that!" Babs said from a few feet away. " You'll miss me soon enough," Buster said. " Man, your ego's become bigger than Plucky's!" Babs said. " No, I'm just realistic," Buster said. " Ahem, hit it girls," Babs said. Fifi, who was standing right behind her, pulled out a CD player. Babs put on a Cheer wig, and began lip synching to the Cheer song " Strong Enough," which basically said that she was strong enough to live without the guy she'd been with for a long time. " Do you have to make a scene about everything?" he asked her when the song was done. " Yes," Babs replied. Buster sighed in frustration. " She does tend to over do it at times," Plucky said. Buster nodded in agreement. French class came along once again. The girl did notice the Dallas jersey. She glanced at him and smiled a little. It was at the jersey, not the person. Hamton didn't even learn her name yet. The next day at lunch, Hamton did see the girl from his French class. She was standing in a group with Zack Rabbit and a lot of other people he recognized from various other classes. " Does anybody know who she is?" Hamton asked, point to her. " Yeah. She's that sports nut. She plays on like every team in the school. She is the only person who likes the Coyotes and Stars," Plucky said. " That doesn't explain who she is," Hamton said. " What, do you want like a name or something?" Plucky asked. " It would help," Hamton said. " Somebody likes her," Buster suggested. " Possibly you. I don't. I'm just wondering who she is," Hamton said. " I don't know her name. Why don't you just ask her?" Plucky asked. " You don't just go up to some total stranger to find out what their name is," Hamton said. Hamton and her still had said nothing to each other until the middle of April. Finally, he would get his chance. " Class," Pepe said at the beginning of class," I want to rearrange seats. Ashley, you move over behind Hamton, and Zack, you move back. She'll be sitting in front of you." " Ashley. That's her name," Hamton said to himself. She sat behind him. On that day Hamton was wearing his Stars jersey. " Hey Zack," Ashley said," the playoffs are starting. And, your Philadelphia Flyers are going down." " Yeah right they are," Zack said. " You Wanna bet on it? I say New Jersey in five!" Ashley said. " How much?" he asked. " Five bucks," Ashley said. " You're on," Zack replied. " Can I get in on this bet?" Hamton asked. " Sure. You're going to bet on Philly, right?" Zack asked. " No way. NJ is five!" Hamton said. " Yeah," Ashley said. She then put her hand in the air and Hamton high fived her. It was a little awkward, but it got the ball rolling. She was a big hockey fan, and so was he. " So who do you like?" Ashley asked. " Dallas," Hamton replied. " Me, too. I say Dallas goes all the way this year," Ashley said. " I think so, too," Hamton replied. The playoffs began that night. New Jersey and Dallas both won, and the two of them gloated to Zack the next day. Ashley was a very athletic girl. She was on the girl's soccer, hockey, basketball and track team. He also noticed other things about her over that rest of the month of April. Things that reminded him of himself. He noticed her in a group not talking as much or being talked to as much as everyone else. At the end of class one day he heard her singing lowly Backstreet boys songs that basically said all they want is a relationship. Hamton hated the Backstreet boys deeply, but it made him wonder if she really meant that or she did she just like the song? He heard her sing a couple of more times at the end of class sometimes. They all had the same themes. Did she really feel like that, just like he did? He was too nervous to ask. One Friday she came up to him at lunch and said," hey, Hamton, Buster Plucky. You've all gotta come to my hockey tournament at the ACME arena this Saturday." " I can't," Buster said," I've got basketball." " I don't want to," Plucky said bluntly. " I'll go," Hamton said. " Great. See ya' then. Bye!" Ashley said. That Friday, Ashley said to Hamton," man, I'm nervous about this tournament on Saturday. Perfecto prep is out first round opponent." " You've picked up on the rivalry, have you?" Hamton asked. Ashley and Zack Rabbit were both students who went to the old Toon river school last year. " How could you not? They sprayed graffiti all over principal Bugs' car," Ashley said. " Well, here's some pump up music for you," Hamton said. He handed her a Smashmouth CD. " Song 1." The song was All Star. " Listen to it before you go out there, okay?" Hamton said. " I have a better idea," she said. " What is it?" he asked. " You'll see," Ashley replied. That Saturday afternoon Hamton came into the ACME arena. His seat in this packed house of 5,000 people from all different schools was next to Roderick Rat. " Hey, look. It's that fat ACME loser," Roderick said. " Are your eyes working okay? I've lost twenty pounds and you appear to have put on a few," Hamton said. He was right. Hamton was in the better shape than ever before, and Roderick was looking a little pudgy. The first game was between ACME and Perfecto. Over the loud speaker, All Star played from the CD. Ashley, with her hockey glove on, pointed up to him in the crowd and gave a small, friendly smile. The game began with Rubella tripping Ashley. Roderick laughed. Hamton pushed him. " Get lost," Roderick said. " Just because your girlfriend has no talent doesn't mean she has to play dirty," Hamton said. " Excuse me, but your girlfriend doesn't have any talent either," Roderick replied. Hamton could have easily pointed out that Ashley was not his girlfriend, but he liked the sound of it. " Apparently she does," Hamton said, pointing to the ice. Roderick didn't look amused. The game was tied at four going into OT Ashley scored within the first minute of the extra period. The rest of the tournament was close, but not as exciting. Finally, it ended with Acme being victorious. Hamton saw the Acme girl's captain grab the trophy and lap the ice with it. Then, she handed it to Ashley, the alternate captain. Hamton watched attentively as she took her victory lap. A group of friends and teammates all surrounded her and congradulated her. For once, instead of being envious, Hamton was actually happy for somebody. He was happy for Ashley. " Way to go," Hamton said quietly. Hamton waited for half an hour outside the dressing room. Finally, Ashley came out or the small, cramped dressing room. " Good job out there," he said to her. " Thanks. I know why you waited here," she said. " You do?" Hamton asked. He had no plans of asking her out. Not yet, anyway. " Yeah, you want your CD back," she said, handing it to him. " Right. So what are you going to do now?" he asked. " Me and some friends are going out to celebrate. See ya'," she said. " See ya," he returned. He was a little disappointed that he wasn't invited along, but it didn't bother him that much. He walked in the door of his house and saw Rene preparing to leave. " So where have you been all day?" she asked. " At a friend's hockey tournament," he replied. " Who's?" Rene asked. " My friend Ashley," he said. " Ooh. You have a friend Ashley?" she asked. " We're just friends," he replied. " Whatever. I'm going out. See ya," she said. That weekend the Dallas Stars made it to the Stanley Cup finals, and Ashley and Hamton were really happy that morning about it. That day on the announcements, Bugs got up and said," Eh, what's up kids? Today we're starting football from now until the end of the year. Anyone who's interested can go to the gym at lunch. Also, voting for next year's student council is tomorrow. Eh, that's all folks." " Who here's going to football?" Plucky yelled out in their homeroom class. Buster, Plucky, Furrball, Zack Rabbit, a lot of others and, to everyone's surprise, Hamton put their hand up. " You Hamton?" Buster asked. " Sure why not?" he asked. This would be the first real athletic team he was going to go for. It wasn't only to impress Ashley, but also become part of a group. He heard about other people's extra - curricular activities, and he wanted to be a part of something. He showed up at the meeting and saw Arnold was the coach. " Now, you wimpy little girls, we have exactly enough players to make a team this year, so you all made the team," he said. " Practice begins next week. I will pump you up!" In fourth period, Hamton wanted to tell Ashley he joined, but she wasn't there. " Where's Ashley?" Hamton asked. " Student council preparations. She's running tomorrow," Zack said," why do you ask?" " Just wondering," Hamton replied. " Ashley's a hot one, isn't she?" Zack asked sarcastically. " Shut up," replied Hamton. " I see you two talking," he said. " Yeah. It's called being friends. Maybe you should get some," Hamton said. The next day voting took place. Hamton just checked off anybody on the list, except when it came to grade ten representative. He voted for Ashley. The night before the Dallas Stars won the Stanley Cup, and Hamton was wearing the Stanley Cup championship shirt. Ashley walked into French wearing the same thing. " This is kind of odd," Zack said. " This is a coincidence. That, and we're both Stars fans," Ashley said. " That was a great game last night wasn't it?" Hamton asked. " Oh yeah. That was amazing," Ashley said. " I voted for you," Hamton said. " Good. If you didn't, I'd have to hurt you," Ashley said, jokingly. " I signed up for football," Hamton said. Ashley snickered. " What's so funny?" he asked. " You're going to play football? That's just kind of odd," she said. " Thanks a lot," Hamton said. The next week rolled around with football starting. Hamton felt kind of strange in all the equipment that went with it. " Does anybody else feel weird in all the equipment?" Hamton asked. " Nah, I'm used to it," Buster said. " Well, you would be," Plucky said, jumping around trying to get the draw string on the football pants to tie up correctly. The practice began with running. The surprise of everybody, Hamton had the third shortest time for the hundred yard dash behind Buster and Furrball. " When did Hamton learn to run?" Plucky asked. " I don't know," Buster said. Next, the coach assigned positions. Buster, Plucky, and Hamton were the last to get called out. " Bunny, Buster: Quarterback. Duck, Plucky: Wide Reciever. Pig, Hamton J., defensive guard." After a week of hard practice, they were scheduled to have their first game on Saturday. Buster was an experienced QB, and was better than last year. Plucky was a good receiver because he was thin and could avoid cornerbacks ( the guys who try to stop the recievers ) and he could fly up to catch a pass that was too high. Hamton was still big enough to get through the line, but not too big that he couldn't catch an opposing QB, making him a suprisingly good player. Meanwhile, Hamton and Ashley still talked everyday. One day that week, she gave him a piece of paper and said," sign this and put your phone number there." " Why?" he asked. " I'm making a movie this summer. I still have to write it, but I want everybody who I want in it to sign and put their phone numbers." " Okay," Hamton said, filling it in. Next, she handed it to Buster. He filled it in. Plucky got skipped. Zack Rabbit was on it. The whole school talked about the football game on Saturday between ( who else ) Acme and Perfecto. " I'm coming to your game on Saturday," Ashley told Hamton in class on Friday, " and Perfecto will get a special welcome from the fans here." On his way to practice that night, Hamton was getting all his equipment from his locker when Ashley tapped him on the shoulder and waved good - bye to him. He waved back. The next day, when Perfecto was coming onto the field, Ashley pulled out a CD player and put on a song called," sucks to be you." " Hey, Perfecto! Listen to the song!" she yelled. The perfecto players stared at her angrily. A teacher asked her to shut off the music. She complied. Hamton ran over to the stands and talked to her before the game. " You see Roderick and Rubella? Are they going out or something?" Ashley asked. " Yeah," Hamton replied. " Funny. They look like brother and sister," Ashley said. " With them, I doubt that would change anything he said. They both laughed. " Hmm. The only time I ever asked somebody out, I began by saying," we need to have a serious talk." " When did you ask this person out?" he asked. " Like two years ago. Look, your coach is staring at you. You'd better get over there," she said. " Oh, okay. See ya," he said. In the game, Hamton sacked the Perfecto quarterback three times. Every time, he looked over at Ashley who applauded him. Acme won the game 35 - 28. During the time after the game, Hamton thought that he still really didn't have a social life, but he'd been more up lately since he had a chance with Ashley. He might end up with her soon enough. And, he was planning to try at the end of the year. Well, the rest of the year flew by. Acme lost in the first round of the playoffs for football, and then exams were only a few days after the season. " Have you started studying for exams yet?" Hamton asked Buster and Plucky. Those two laughed. " Exams are still two days away. I'm not studying until the day before," Plucky said. Buster agreed. Hamton said he agreed, but he had really started studying. Finally, the end of the year came. Hamton decided he was going to ask Ashley out, against his better judgement. He thought he had a shot. She came to his games, she asked for his phone number, and she suddenly developed interests in his favorite NBA team ( the LA Lakers ), his favorite baseball team ( The Houston Astros ) and his favorite football team ( the Jacksonville Jaguars ) when she never mentioned them until he did. She said she liked Smashing Pumpkins, when he knew she was more into Backstreet boys. She said good bye to him first every night. He was beginning to get the impression she felt the same way about him. He never told anybody he liked her as more than a friend. Little did he know how crushed he was about to be. The fourth period exam ended and Hamton and Ashley finished at the same time. They talked about everything, and just when Hamton was going to bring up the question, she said to him," hold on a second." She yelled down the hall," Eric, we've gotta have a serious discussion." She saw him talking to Eric Slate, a guy on Hamton's football team. " No..." he said lightly. She saw her ask him out. He smiled and accepted. Hamton suddenly lost his breath. He walked away shocked. He waited too long, because to optimistic. He walked away with a terribly depressed look on his face. " What's wrong?" Buster asked him as he walked down the hall. " I don't want to explain, but I have a fact I want us all to face up to. There's not getting back to good, is there?" Hamton asked. " What do you mean?" he asked. " Look at the last year. It's been so serious. You broke up with Babs, Plucky broke up with Shirley. This has been nothing like Tiny Toons ever was. And, Tiny Toons was good. This has been to different. We can't get back to where it was, and I know I'm not going to be happy for a long time," Hamton said. " I know the song. Back to good, that is," Buster said. " Do me a favour. Listen to it and think about it tommorow," Hamton said. " Why?" Buster asked. " You'll know tommorow," Hamton said. " Will do, whenever I think I know what you're talking about. Well, have a nice summer," Buster said walking off. When Hamton got home he fully realized his chance for real happiness, for a real social life, blew up in his face as the girl he had a crush on and had become so close to asked out another guy right before he tried. He was devastated. He pulled out the old CD and took the CD player with him. " Where are you going?" Rene asked him. " Away," Hamton said. He walked into the bathroom with a small knife in his pocket and the CD player with his old, sad CD in it. " What are you doing?" she asked. " Nothing," he said as locked the door. He filled the bathtub. As the water came up, he wrote a note, that read like this: Ashley, You didn't know, and I guess it's too late now to tell you, that I liked you. I didn't want to be just friends. I wanted to be more. I have never had a girlfriend or a real social life, and I hoped so much to have a chance with you. Looks like that's over. Have fun with Eric, okay? Enjoy everything. -Hamton "I do think about her, but I doubt she thinks about me. I hope she doen't feel bad. It's not her fault," Hamton thought to himself. Hamton then drafted a note to all his other friends and family, explaining everything. Why he did what he did, and what he hoped for them. As Hamton began to cry once more, he heard the phone ring. " Hamton! It's Ashley!" Rene called from down the hall. Hamton quickly got up and ran out. He was in shock. Shock about what he may have done had he not she not called. Shock that she was calling at all. " Hello?" Hamton said, shaking nervously. " Hamton, It's Ashley," Ashley said. " W... what is it?" Hamton asked. " Do you feel alright? You sound kinda nervous," Ashley said. " Yeah, I'm alright," Hamton said, still shaking violently. " Well, I feel nervous right now, so don't make it any tenser than it has to be. Do you... well... want to go to a movie on Friday night?" Ashley asked. Hamton's eyes lit up. Within seconds he'd gone from the brink of dispair to cloud nine. " Of course!" Hamton replied, excitedly. He lept into the air with joy. " You will? Great! Bye!" Ashley said. She sounded even more excited than he did. " Hammy," Rene said, smirking. Hamton sat down for a second. His heart racing. Quickly he rushed back to the bathroom and shreded the notes and smashed the CD on the ground. For something better, he walked into Rene's room and took on of her CD's: Stunt by Barenaked Ladies, one of the most upbeat bands in the world and cranked it up. It had been a while, but once again, he was truly happy. The End