EXTREME PLUCK A Screenplay by Michael Sherry (msherry@freenet.columbus.oh.us) Copyright 1997 ACT ONE [Fade in on the campus of Acme Loo one bright morning. The first bell has not yet rung, and several clusters of students are lingering outside the doors. Shirley and Fifi sit on the steps listening to Babs tell her latest joke.] Babs: ...so the farmer says, "thing is, I don't even *own* a poodle!" [A mild rimshot is heard in the background, signaling the joke is finished.] [Fifi and Shirley laugh approvingly, and of course Babs can't help but crack up at her own genius. But as this happens her eyes close, and so she does not see Plucky approaching from behind at breakneck speed. His eyes are wide as saucers, and his tongue hangs out in a vice-grip grin. Kicking up a small dust cloud, Plucky races up the front steps and bounds over Babs as if he was playing leapfrog.] Babs: Ooomph! Hey! [Babs is none too happy about being vaulted and having to catch herself on the stairs. She gives a very perturbed sideways look inside the door where Plucky's dust cloud is fading away. The camera trucks to follow this view inside, then dissolves to Hamton standing beside Buster at his locker. Buster has no sooner closed the door than Plucky arrives on the scene with an airbrake screech. His dustcloud sweeps past, carrying swirling pieces of paper and a foundering Sweetie Pie.] Buster: Whoa, Speed Racer, whoa! Where's the fire? Plucky: This is it! This is it! I won I won I won! [Plucky brandishes an envelope and waves it excitedly before them, then plants a kiss on it.] Buster: Won what? I'm afraid to ask... Plucky: The Alpine Getaway Super Sweepstakes this month at Pizza Glut! [Buster and Hamton gaze at Plucky blankly.] Plucky: Don't you remember our last time there? You thought I was crazy... [The scenery behind them blurs into a flashback, and suddenly the three are standing by the cash register at Pizza Glut. Plucky is leaning his back into a pile of white slips of paper nearly three times his size. They in turn are more or less not going into a wooden entry box. Plucky grunts with the effort.] Buster: You're crazy, duck! C'mon, give it up! Hamton: Really, Plucky. Copying all those entry forms makes it unfair for everyone else. Plucky: But extremely fair...oomf...and favorable for me! Besides, it even *says* "enter as often as you like"! [He reaches under his vest and produces a wooden mallet roughly his own size. He takes a mighty swing at the pile, and the impact stuffs the lot into the container. The camera pulls back from Plucky as the flashback scene dissolves away.] Hamton: So stuffing the ballot box really won you the sweepstakes? What exactly is the prize? Plucky: An all-expense paid trip for me and, fortuitously, five of my friends to Switzerland! [Buster and Hamton stare in disbelief, first at Plucky then each other. Just then Babs walks into the scene wearing an obvious frown, followed by Fifi and Shirley.] Babs: What's this about Switzerland? [walks over to Plucky and pokes him in the chest] And what's with the leapfrog gag? You spoiled our opening shot! Plucky: Sorry, sister, this couldn't wait! But since you're all here now I can tell everybody how I just won the Pizza Glut Alpine Getaway Super Sweepstakes! We're all going to Switzerland! [Shirley and Fifi look very skeptical about this news.] Shirley: [to Fifi] Is this like, for real? Plucky's not a total loser, after all? [She snatches the envelope away from Plucky, giving him a coy sideways look as she opens it. Fifi reads over her shoulder as Babs gets an "I dunno" shrug from Buster.] Plucky: Read for yourselves! It was right there on the display at the restaurant...all expenses paid, luxury accommodations, ski passes and all the Swiss Miss we can drink! Shirley: [reading] It looks as if he's like, totally right. But you know, Plucky, did you see here...? Plucky: About the chalet? I bet it's even cozier than it looked in the display picture... Shirley: No, I mean about where this chalet is... Plucky: Don't worry about getting to it, all the transportation's paid for! Shirley: No! [marches over to Plucky and holds the letter right up to his eyes] Like, take a look at this letterhead and junk! It says it's from the "Switsurlund All-Pine Ski Resort". [Camera closeup on the congratulatory letter confirms Shirley's discovery. Plucky is looking momentarily confused, as Buster and Hamton eye him from either side. Babs walks over and squints at the piece of paper.] Babs: According to this, it's just away up in the mountains. [squints harder] "...founded in 1985 following a successful career in M*A*S*H, Loretta Swit opened the All-Pine Ski Resort in one of the densest pine forests in the country. [Plucky's look of surprise droops into a disappointed slouch.] Despite its treacherous trails, skiers from all over gather each season for the Hotlips Hoolihan Hyper-Hotdog Extreme Challenge". Fifi: [points from over Shirley's shoulder] Eet sez here zat zee event weel be taking place during our treep. [Plucky perks back up and rushes over to the girls.] Plucky: What was that? Let me see! [eyes zipping left and right] "First Prize wins..." [dollar signs ring up in his eyes] ...ten, t-ten thousand bucks! Wow! I could win first place, then I wouldn't feel so crummy about this lousy trip! Buster: What's so crummy about winning a ski getaway?! Even if it isn't Switzerland? Hamton: Sure, Plucky! It doesn't matter that we're not going to Europe. A free trip is a free trip, after all! Plucky: Yeah, but a free trip that gets you ten grand is, well... All Present: [shrugging to camera] A free trip that gets you ten grand! Buster: [to Plucky] Well good luck, pal! But aren't you overlooking a little something? Like the fact that you've never skied a day in your life?! Plucky: You think a detail like that's got *me* worried? Hah! I was born to be ex-treme! [Plucky looks upward as rock music fades in, and a dream bubble appears above him. In it Plucky rushes downhill on a snowboard, wearing an oversize Dr. Seuss hat and ridiculously baggy trousers. A small pine tree shoots past and snags the pants, pulling Plucky off the board and out of the picture. The bubble pops, and Plucky gives the camera a self assured look. Camera pulls back to show the other toons looking not so confident. Fade to black.] ACT TWO [Fade in on a pleasant looking ski chalet nestled a mountain valley. The entire scene is a carpet of evergreens frosted with snow, except for a small swath of white that weaves up one hillside adjacent to the Lodge. The camera pans and zooms on the Lodge briefly before the next scene dissolves in. The six toons have just arrived, and are setting bags down near the front desk. Plucky stands on his duffel and leans over the counter looking at the manager, whose back is turned. The man selects two keys off the wall of cubby holes and turns around.] Jamie Farr: You're all set, Mr. Duck. Bungalows four and five. If you'd just sign the guest book... Plucky: [aside to camera as he takes the pen] Imagine! He wants *my* autograph! [He signs the book and turns back to his friends.] All checked in! [offers a key to Babs] Here, you girls get bungalow 4 and we'll take bungalow 5. Let's all meet at the outfitters after we're settled in. [Jamie spins into a bellhop costume, and gathers all the luggage into an oversized pile on his arms.] Babs: Nice spin move! Buster: You're the bellboy too? Jamie: I do a little bit of everything around here! [He tilts his head to indicate a nearby poster reading: "Tonight! Conga Line in the Lounge!"] See that? Think we can afford Carmen Miranda to dance? [The toons exchange nervous looks] Now, can I show you to your bungalows...? Plucky: Yep! I can't wait to hit the powder! Buster: How long you think it'll take you girls? Babs: Considering your idea of 'settling in' is probably hoisting your bags into the room without even turning on the light, I'd say just a few ticks longer! [Buster folds his arms and pouts at Babs as an iris closes around him, bringing with it the scene of a bungalow's interior. Babs and Shirley are unpacking their suitcases, while Fifi lies prone on a twin bed.] Fifi: [sighing]...and zee air up 'eer in zee mountains ees so invigorating! [She breathes deep, rolls onto her side and exhales.] Such a quaint, romantic getaway, no? Shirley: Like, whatever. [She folds the just-unpacked sweater she is holding and looks over at Babs.] Although, did you notice how like, unannoying Plucky was the whole trip up here? Babs: Probably just the thin mountain air. That and he's too busy worrying about winning that dumb hotdog contest. [There's a knock at the door. Babs and Shirley look over their shoulders at Fifi, who is now laying on her back with her arms folded behind her head. She takes note of their silent request and gets up to go open the door. Hamton is standing outside, wearing neon orange ski overalls.] Hamton: Hi, girls! I thought you'd like to know there's a beginner's lesson starting in fifteen minutes. Fifi: [folds her hands beside her cheek] Oh merci, 'Amton! 'Ow chivalrous you are! Babs: Great, Hammy! But where's Buster and Plucky? Hamton: Uh, well they finished at the outfitters already and went to do a few runs. They said we should all go ahead without them. Babs, Shirley and Fifi: [with incredulous takes] What?! Babs: That's ridiculous! Neither one of them has skied before and they're passing up a lesson? Shirley: Omigosh! They're like, mondo out of their league! Fifi: And een over zare 'eds before long! Hamton: Should I have stopped them? Babs: Could you have stopped them? [Hamton shrugs helplessly, shaking his head as the next scene wipes across. Buster and Plucky stand at the top of a ski run. Behind them the lift is delivering a steady stream of skiers who exit the lift, turn and disappear downhill.] [Buster stoops to adjust the peculiar straps attaching his large rabbit feet to the pair of thin skis. Plucky is fiddling with the straps of the ski goggles over his eyes. Impatiently yanking too hard, his eyes bulge to fill the entire space of the spectacles. As Plucky begins to convulse, his ski pole flies up, goosing Buster. Buster leaps into the branches of an adjacent evergreen, his right ski falling off in the maneuver. He gives an annoyed look downward.] [The camera follows back down the trunk of the tree to where Plucky is still madly trying to pry the ski glasses off. He cavorts haphazardly until one of his ski poles gets stuck in the ground. Plucky spins on its axis only to suddenly find himself teetering on the brink of the run's edge. Despite waving his arms in circles Plucky tips over the rim yelling as he goes.] Plucky: Buuuuusterrrrrrr! [Buster hops off the tree and scoots cautiously near the edge on his one ski. His look of concern for Plucky changes to shock and alarm as he hears a familiar voice behind him.] Elmyra: Eyyyeww! Ducky go down the hill! Don't worry, little hippity-hop, I'll be your ski buddy now! Buster: Uhh, n-no thanks, Elmyra! I'd just slow ya down, i-in fact I was thinking of just walking down and taking a lesson. [He begins backing away from her advance, nearing the edge of the run.] Elmyra: It's okay, fuzzy bunny! I'm on the Junior Ski Patrol. [twists slightly to reveal the red cross emblem on her back] I'm supposed to help new skiers. I can give you a 'private lesson'! [Alarm bells clang as terror overwhelms Buster, who backs straight out from the edge, gravity ignoring him until he notices the drop-off. He looks helplessly back to Elmyra who giggles and waves as he drops the three feet onto the snow.] [A mortified Buster slips away from the camera, gliding backwards on a single ski. Elmyra drops from above the camera onto the hill and begins pursuit.] [Cut to trailing shot of Plucky racing downhill from the rear. He is tipping from side to side, flailing with his poles to try and restore balance.] Plucky: Woooa! Waaaaahhh! How do you steer on these things?! [Cut to a shot of the hillside. Amongst the stream of tiny skiers carving serpentine lines downward, the figure of Plucky cuts across in a straight diagonal line, heading for a flagged-off area displaying a banner that reads: "Acro-Aerials Event". Closeup of Plucky shielding himself from a barrage of red flags. He notices the banner above, craning his neck to read as he skis under it. His head flips back down just in time to realize he's now skiing through the starting gate. Plucky's eyes grow large as saucers, the irises shrinking to pinpoints as he pitches over the edge. In a flash he swoops down the half-pipe and is launched airborne at the far end.] [The crowd gathered for the event erupts in cheers for Plucky, now flipping end over end and writhing like an eel. Through sheer chance he lands with his skis under him, a long shudder passing through him from the impact. The crowd roars its approval, as a voice announces over the loudspeaker.] Jamie Farr: [voice over] And the judges give our last minute entry, Plucky Duck, a nine-point-five! The best jump of the competition! Plucky: [holding his head woozily] Huhh? It was? Oh, uh, naturally! [shakes away the stars] I'm just getting warmed up, too! [smiles] [A spiral-in iris brings the next scene, returning to Buster frantically attempting to balance on one ski going backwards. The music theme from James Bond accompanies Buster's perilous descent. His arms and ears are extended to help him balance, and Buster nervously looks over his shoulder to see where he's going. When he looks back and sees Elmyra gaining on him, he swallows hard.] Buster: This is not looking good! Time to make an escape, Buster style! [Buster grits his teeth, crouches and leaps into the air, shaking off his single ski. He extends his large ears straight out in front of his head, and completes a somersault before landing again. Now Buster is upside down, skiing on his ears. A smile of surprise broadens across his face.] Buster: Hey! It worked! Whooda thunk?! [Camera briefly offers a point-of-view shot, upside down, of the slope rushing by then returns to Buster. Elmyra skis alongside.] Elmyra: Eeeyoo! Funny bunnyhead wants to ski on his ears! But now I can tickle his big fuzzy feet! Tee-hee! [Elmyra swaps a pole to one hand and reaches over to tickle Buster's feet.] Buster: Hey! Cut it out! Heh, haah-hah-ha! Stop it! Ha-ha-haah! [Elmyra does just that, as an unnoticed tree trunk stops her abruptly and she disappears from the shot. Buster continues to giggle for a moment, then gasps as he sees how far off course the laughing fit has taken him. He's heading straight into a field of red flags, where Plucky is emerging from his impromptu jump.] Plucky: [smiling cooly] ...and if any of you girls want any pointers, just meet up with me later at the bottom... [Buster zips into the shot, striking Plucky squarely in the butt. Buster looses his tenuous upside-down balance and tumbles out of view, but the ski-clad Plucky is pushed off down the hill again. Cut to shot of the hillside, where Plucky's straight course cuts diagonal across the slope toward another flagged-off area. The banner over this one reads: "Mogul Challenge".] [Plucky reads the overhead sign, his alarmed expression turning to the camera in helpless resignation. Suddenly he drops out of view with a yelp, only to return riding the slope of a mogul. He goes airborne and begins screaming. The camera cuts away to show the entire mogul run, with tiny Plucky bouncing through it like a green pogo stick. With each mogul Plucky catches air, flailing and pirouetting with the grace of a headless chicken. He reaches the final bump and does a triple flip, then lands miraculously on his skis with a sound thump. The crowd assembled at the foot of the run cheers wildly, and Plucky rattles his head and blinks in wonder at his feat.] [Cut to farther up the hill, where Elmyra is peeling herself off the trunk of the tree she just hit. She shakes off the woozies and looks around in confusion.] Elmyra: What happened? Where'd my fuzzy widdle ski buddy go? [As she peers down the hill she is struck from behind by another skier and goes face first into the snow. Into the scene trots the Classic Loony Tunes Saint Bernard, but with facial features suggesting Alan "Hawkeye" Alda. He sniffs the motionless Elmyra and removes the keg at his neck. Mixing a quick martini, he consumes it himself and trots off.] [Cut to Buster, tumbling and rolling down the hillside. All at once he has his feet under him, which are big enough to give him temporary balance as he continues to slide downhill. He plows through a slalom course, inadvertently taking a collection of blue flags with him. Through a quick series of four shots, Buster sweeps past the camera holding two flags in the semaphore sign for the letters 'H' 'E' 'L' 'P'. The accompanying music here is The Beatles' "Ticket to Ride" played at a frantic pace.] [Cut back to Elmyra, emerging slowly from the snow with stars and planets wheeling over her head. As she comes to she begins to sniffle and pout.] Elmyra: Oh, fiddowsticks! Now I'll never get to join the real Ski Patrol! [Just then David Ogden-Stiers skis into the shot, wearing a Ski Patrol jumpsuit with a red cross on the back.] David: Good heavens, miss! Are you injured? Is anything broken? Elymra: [rubbing her tush sorely] Just my pride. David: Well then, let me escort you back to the aid station. Accidents do happen, you know... [Dissolve to next scene, where Hamton and Fifi wait in a chairlift line behind Babs and Shirley. A chair swings around and scoops up the pair. Babs turns around and calls back to Fifi and Hamton.] Babs: Have a good run, you two! And don't worry, this hill isn't just for bunnies! [Hamton bites his lip and smiles at Fifi. They shuffle into the lift lane. A chair swings around the turnstile and as they sit Fifi's large bushy tail gets wedged between the chair and cable. Oblivious, she and Hamton look around as the chair climbs.] Hamton: Gosh! You sure get a swell view from this lift! I almost wish we didn't have to ski to ride it again! Fifi: Ah, yes. So much to see... [She notices the small figures of David and Elmyra limping towards the Ski Patrol hut.] ...and so many dashing men 'ere to 'elp a damsel in distress, no? Hamton: Er, well. I hope we got enough from that lesson that we won't be needing any first aid. [They pass a sign reading 'Prepare to Debark'] Well, have a good run! [The chair reaches the small launching slope, where Hamton pushes himself off and skis away, but when Fifi tries to push off she merely swings from her tail and plops back in her seat. She looks up and realizes her predicament, but now the chair is on its way down. As she begins to tug on her furry appendage the struggle causes both her skis to fall off. Fifi now climbs to stand on the seat, fighting both to free her tail and maintain balance on a tipsy lift chair.] Hamton: [noticing Fifi still on the lift, calls up] Hey! I thought you were only allowed to ride one way! [Fifi gives one mighty yank, which frees her tail with a 'pop', but the momentum also leaves her well outside the chair. One brief moment of realizing she's standing on air, and whoosh! She drops like an anvil, landing in over her head in the snow. She wiggles her way free and sits unsteadily on the hillside.] Fifi: [to herself] Well, at least now I weel be rescued by zee handsome Ski Patrol... [off-camera she hears the swoosh of an approaching skier, and her eyes light up expectedly.] Zat was queeck! [Beside her is a short man in Ski Patrol overalls. He wears an olive green knit hat and round glasses. There is a clothespin on his nose.] Gary Burghoff: Ma'am, is everything alright, ma'am? Fifi: [as she begins speaking Gary anticipates her sentences as below] Well, my tail eet got caught in zee chair leeft and when I pulled free I fell all zee way down here... Gary: I saw your tail get caught in the chair lift and then you pulled free and fell so I skied right over here, ma'am. [Fifi trails off hesitantly, then looks pointedly at Gary's clothespin.] Fifi: Why are you wearing zat? Gary: Wait for it... [Fifi stares at him blankly, as a ghostly vapor begins to waft from behind her tail. Hawkeye the St. Bernard trots across the shot and freezes as the aroma hits his nose. He gives a yelp and bolts away.] [Cut to the flag-holding Buster, snow plowing his way downhill on his oversize feet. He yells and teeters unsteadily, finally pitching over onto his face and tumbles the rest of the way to the bottom. As he emerges from a pile of powder Babs and Shirley arrive on the scene, finishing their runs. Their skis plow fresh snow all over Buster, who shakes himself free of the white and scowls in their direction.] Buster: Hey! Watch where you're going! Babs: Look who's talking, Mr. Graceful with a faceful! [Shirley and Babs laugh derisively. Just then Fifi walks into the shot, holding her skis. All turn and look uphill, hearing an approaching voice.] Hamton: Caaan't stop! Caaaaaan't stop!!! [He whooshes through the scene in a blur, and all cringe as a loud crash shakes the camera.] Buster: Hamton! Are you okay? Hamton: [wobbling into view, wearing pine branches] I'll be alright. Babs: Gosh, Hammy, didn't you remember that if you can't stop, you're supposed to just fall down? Shirley: Like, didn't he just do that? [All three girls snicker, then stop and look off camera as they hear cheers in the distance. A moment later Plucky walks into the scene, his skis slung over his shoulder, and a Cheshire grin plastered on his beak.] Plucky: Hey did you see me up there?! They judged me best in the acro aerials *and* the mogul event! Babs: But how did the judges' seeing-eye dogs rank you? [the girls laugh] Plucky: [gives a sour look then turns to Buster and Hamton] All I have to do now is place in the big jump tomorrow and I'll win the prize! I can almost taste that ten grand! Shirley: [aside to camera] Like, there's a disturbing slip of the tongue. Hamton: Speaking of tasting, how about some food? I'm hungry after all that excitement. Buster: I'm with you, Hammy! I could use a little break... Babs: Seeing as how you almost had a big one! [the girls laugh wickedly] Buster: Hmmph! C'mon guys! Let's get some eats. [The next scene wipes across, showing Buster, Plucky and Hamton sitting at a table in the Lodge restaurant. Hamton sips a hot chocolate through a straw, a big pile of marshmallows riding on top.] Buster: ...and then after piling more snow on me they just laughed! They even laughed at poor Hamton...these girls are merciless! I'm telling ya Plucky, if you hadn't been so lucky you'd be getting an even bigger dose. Plucky: Hey, I'll take beginner's luck if it gets me my prize. Buster: Will you forget about that stupid contest for one minute and help me think of some way to get even? If only we could get into their room somehow... Plucky: And who says we can't? Buster and Hamton: Huhh? [Plucky merely smiles back at them confidently.] [Cut to shot of the front desk. Plucky walks up to ring the bell, and up from under the desk pops a buxom bleach blonde woman in ski overalls wearing a blinding smile.] Loretta Swit: Yes, may I help you? Plucky: Oh, hey! I was expecting that other guy. Loretta: He's getting ready for Conga Night. Say, I understand you did quite well at today's events, Mr. Duck. Bet you're looking forward to the big jump tomorrow. Plucky: [laughs nervously] Heh, naturally! But first there's just a little problem I need some help with. One of our group accidentally lost their room key out on the slopes. Do you have a spare for bungalow four, by chance? Loretta: Oh, of course, Mr. Duck! [She hands him a key, and Plucky turns to the camera with a mischievous grin. Doing so, he fails to see Babs walk through the lobby behind him. She gives a suspicious look to the camera, which irises in on her.] ACT THREE [Interior of a bungalow at night. The room is dark, only reflected light hints at the shapes of three beds. The camera finishes panning at the door, which slowly creaks open. A thin shaft of moonlight slices into the room, followed by a rabbit's foot. Three silhouetted forms slink in and take up positions near each bed.] Buster: [whispering] Okay, Hamton, now! [Hamton throws the light switch, revealing Buster, Plucky and Hamton wearing fright masks. As soon as the lights are on they all make wild lunges and do their best terrifying scream.] All Three: NGYAAAAHHH! Huh? [All three freeze in mid-lunge, as they realize the beds are empty except for pillows and blankets rolled to look like bodies. They take off their masks looking quite confused.] Buster: What in the world? Plucky: Where ARE they?! Babs: [off camera] Oh, boyyyyss... [Their vexed expressions turn to surprise and dread as their eyes roll up toward the ceiling. The camera then pans up to reveal Babs, Shirley and Fifi hanging in the chandelier, each with oversized water balloons which they drop with diabolical grins. As the waterbombs drop the three toons below scream and try to scramble out of the way, but only run-in-place momentarily before - Sploosh! They are completely soaked.] Babs: [to the other girls] Ready? Jump! [They each clutch a corner of a blanket and drift down like a parachute, which covers the trio of boys. Babs and Fifi quickly roll them into a ball, while Shirley runs to open the door. A sound kick by Babs and the blanket-ball rolls through the door, with muffled sounds of confusion coming from within.] Shirley: Like, after *you*. [As it exits the room Shirley extends her arm well past camera range.] But you know we'll, like, be needing THIS! [She yanks her arm back, retrieving the blanket.] [Camera cuts to Buster, Plucky and Hamton piled on each other in a snowbank. They get up and try to shake the snow off, but it's below freezing out and little clumps cling all over them. They immediately begin shivering and sheepishly look towards the girls' room. Babs, Shirley and Fifi are glaring back with satisfied smiles.] Fifi: It looks like somebody *else* got zee surprise tonight, eh girls? Babs: You said it! Well, we better get inside, don't want to catch a chill out here! All Three: Goodniiiiight! [They slam the door shut. Cut to the boys.] Plucky: Great idea, Buster! "Let's go scare the girls, they'll never know what hit 'em!" Look what it got us! Hamton: Yeah! Let's get back to our room before I turn into a porksicle! [Wipe across to the same trio standing outside their own door. Buster fishes in his built-in pocket but is coming up empty.] Plucky: C'mon! What's the hold up? Buster: Uhh, guys...we may have a slight problem here. [Blushing, he turns to face the other two.] I think our key might've fallen out when we got thrown outside. Hamton: [chattering teeth now giving him a distinctly Porky dialect] W-which wouldn't have hap-p-pened if we'd j-deah-j-deah-just stayed ind-d-d-doors and g-g-gone to b-deah-bdeah-bdeah-bed! Plucky: [gives Buster a slap] Hey! We've gotta get inside soon before we all freeze to death, or loose our impeccably refined sthpeech! [Buster looks over to the main building and sees smoke wisping from the chimney.] Buster: Hey, the Lodge! C'mon! [They scramble away.] [Cut to the Lodge's exterior door. The windows beside are all dark. It is clearly closed for the night. Nonetheless, Plucky pounds away at the door while Buster peers in through the window. Hamton stands shivering looking deliriously cold.] Plucky: Open up in there! C'mon, we need help! [He pounds some more.] Buster: It looks like everyone's gone for the night. There's gotta be some way to get in. [He looks around desperately, then sees Plucky has made a snowball and is ready to throw it at the window.] Plucky, no! We'll get in more trouble! Plucky: I can stand being in a little hot water right now! [He winds up and pitches the snowball at the window. It merely bounces off and heads back at Plucky who ducks. It hits Hamton in the forehead, who just falls over backward, stiff as a board. Plucky and Buster help him sit upright.] Buster: Hamton! You alright? Say something! [Hamton rattles his head. A quick point of view shows the Lodge's rooftop coming into focus. His expression turns animated again, and he points upward.] Hamton: Hey! There's a way in! [Buster and Plucky, crouched beside him turn, and the camera rotates to see him pointing at the chimney.] Plucky: What?! Buster: We can't go down the chimney, look at the smoke! Hamton: But it's *dark* inside. That means the fire's just smoldering. Plucky: Well count me out, I'm not covering my feathers with ashes and soot! We'll really hear it from the girls then. Hamton: Only ONE of us needs to get in... [He turns an annoyed look at Buster, which Plucky immediately shares] Buster: Uh, now wait guys, I'm no Santa Claaaauuus... [Cut to rooftop angle. The miniature figure of Buster sails up into view, then falls right into the chimney flue, as Buster continues to yell. Cut to Plucky and Hamton standing beside the door. Crashing and clattering sounds come from within. A short pause, then Buster wearily opens the large door for them. Wheeling above his head are push brooms and spinning umbrellas.] Buster: Chim, chim, charoo...? [He feints backwards. Hamton and Plucky walk in, drag Buster from the door and shut it. Fade to black.] ACT FOUR [Morning, interior of the Lodge. Babs, Shirley and Fifi stand outside the entrance to the dining hall, peering in at the patrons.] Babs: There's the boys...and look! They're already ordering breakfast! Fifi: Without us!? Shirley: I guess they didn't learn any mondo lessons last night, huh? Babs: You said it! [She shakes her head.] I thought for sure they'd come apologize and walk us to breakfast. Shirley: Like, their manners must've been frozen solid or some junk. Fifi: Zen maybe we should 'turn up zee heat', no? [An evil look crosses her face.] Shirley: Ooh! I'm sensing this major cunning vibe from you, Fifi! Babs: Okay, spill it, girl! What's your plan? [The three huddle briefly, exchanging whispers and snickers.] Babs: Fifi, you're a genius! Okay, you two go take care of it, and I'll sit with the boys 'til you get back. [Cut to interior of dining hall. Buster, Plucky and Hamton sit with glasses of juice and milk, chatting until Babs walks up.] Babs: Morning, boys. Sleep well last night? Buster: What little we got. Hey listen, Babsy, I'm sorry about what we tried to pull. We were kinda peeved that you laughed at us, and you know... Babs: Yeah, I know you. So if you're sorry how come you didn't walk us over from your bungalow? Buster: [getting hard stares from Hamton and Plucky, begins to blush] Ahh, well you see we kinda had to sleep here, after we lost...er, ha-hah, I lost our key in the snow. Hamton: That's the last time I go along with one of your wild ideas, Buster! Where're the other girls? I wanted to apologize too! [Just then Fifi and Shirley arrive at the table.] Babs: Boy, that was quick! Shirley: Like, we only had to powder our noses, ya know? [winks] Fifi: Oui, oui! Babs: [to Fifi] I know what 'powdering our noses' means, okay?! [Fifi rolls her eyes and sighs.] Buster: [yelling back towards kitchen] So how about a little breakfast out here? We're starved! McLean Stevenson: Just a minute! I gotta finish helping this lil' rabbit here! [He turns back to the counter where Bugs sits in ski gear holding a steaming cup of coffee.] Now like I was explaining, I'm serving the coffee, so it's not how many lumps *I* want, it's how many lumps *you* want! Bugs: Okay, doc. So how many lumps do you want? [Camera cuts back to the table, where conversation is buzzing. Off camera there is the sound of three loud whacks. The camera shakes slightly.] Babs: So what'd you order, anyway? Buster: Something called 'Daybreak Switsurprise'. He said it was their most popular breakfast dish. Plucky: It's taking forever! Fifi: So Bustair, 'Amton...you too weel be competing today in zee beeg ski jump, no? Buster: I dunno...I think I was airborne enough yesterday. [He brushes some lingering soot from his fur.] ...and last night as well. Hamton: And I'm nowhere near good enough to make that jump. But I'll ride up along with Plucky and give moral support. [Shirley and Fifi swallow nervously and glance at each other.] Shirley: B-but you like have to! Er, I mean, don't you want to take a shot at that mondo big prize too? Babs: [whispers to Buster] I think you might want to sit this one out. Plucky: As if these two had any shot at spoiling my chances! [dollar signs ring up in his eyes] Ten grand, and it's almost mine! I better get on out there! Hamton: But our breakfast hasn't arrived yet! Plucky: [antsy] Well, okay, I guess I should have something to eat for energy. [McLean wobbles over to the table, sporting three lumps on his noggin and holding a tray with a covered dish.] McLean: Here's your Daybreak Switsurprise, guys! [Eyes light up around the table to watch the dish be uncovered.] Green eggs and ham! [Plucky and Hamton look astonished, then glance at each other, bolting away in a green and pink blur. Buster pushes his back.] McLean: So can I take your order, ladies? The Girls: Just coffee, please! McLean: Ehhh, okay. [He points to his head.] How many lumps do I want? Ehyeeeee! [Cut to outdoors, where Plucky and Hamton ride a chair lift. Plucky looks relaxed again.] Plucky: Ah, I'm already planning how I'll spend my loot. I'll buy this ski resort so I can win the competition every year and get richer and richer, and richer... Hamton: Don't forget, Plucky, you still have to win! Plucky: No problem! With Buster sitting out, nothing in this world can stop me! [Camera pans off chairlift down to entrance of the Lodge, zooming in on the girls walking outside with Buster.] Buster: [watching the lift] I guess nothing can stop him now. Shirley: Well, like, I wouldn't say *that*. Buster: Huh? What are you girls up to? [Shirley nods to Fifi.] Fifi: Well, we 'ad planned on getting you all weeth zis, but... [looks uphill and gives a coy grin] Babs: But the jerk who duped our room key, and didn't apologize will do just fine! [Camera pulls quickly away from the group, flies over the Lodge and pans to a neighboring mountain top. A small figure stands next to a large telescope. As the camera zooms in close the figure turns out to be Monty. He cackles to himself as he peers through the eyepiece.] Monty: Those girls were right! There's *tons* of snow just sitting there, going to waste on those pathetic skiers! [looks the other way down the valley] Now if it were water, on the other hand, there'd be enough to run my hydro-dam's turbines for a year! [sinister laugh] And I know just how to fix that! [Monty pulls out a remote control unit with a very large antenna, which he activates and looks to the sky. Camera pulls back on where he's standing, then quickly changes to a view of Earth from space. A giant spacecraft floats into view with the words "Bubble Telescope" written on the side. Radio waves from Earth reach it's antenna and it beings to rotate. Its giant reflector dish catches the light of the sun and a focused beam bounces back to Earth.] [Cut to Plucky standing in the gate at the top of the ski jump. Hamton stands beside him.] Hamton: Good luck, Plucky! Be careful! Plucky: [confidently] Careful, schmareful. In a few seconds I'll be rich! [Plucky waits, peering down below. He begins blinking and squinting.] Plucky: Hmm...sure seems alot brighter out today. Better put on my goggles. Hamton: Don't worry, Plucky. It's okay to be a little nervous. Plucky: What're you talking about? Hamton: [pointing] You're starting to perspire. It's okay, I'd be squeamish too. Plucky: Bahh! I'm not nervous, I must be sweating in anticipation. Whew! Sure does feel warm, though! No time for cold feet now! [Glancing beside him he sees a ready light change from red to green.] Geronimooooooo!!! [Plucky pushes off and frantically tries to gain speed with his poles. But all around him and under him the snow is melting to slush, until the wood of the ski jump becomes visible. Plucky looks around in confusion, slowly realizing the snow is all but gone. He looks ahead, seeing the end of the jump platform with no snow beyond it. Too late, he sails off and hangs in the air momentarily before landing awkwardly on a muddy mountainside. His skis fly off and he tumbles, becoming a ball of mud, growing larger as he rolls downhill.] [Down at the chalet the girls and Buster are watching in amazement as the white hillside melts away.] Buster: I gotta hand it to you girls, that took some imagination. [Shirley and Babs rest their elbows on Fifi's shoulders and nod approvingly.] Fifi: Am I not, 'ow you say, a steenker? Buster: All I can say at this point is... [points uphill at the approaching ball of mud] *RUN*!! [Accompanied by theme music from Indiana Jones, the four toons race for the the Lodge, slam the double doors shut and brace for impact. A moment later and the camera is shaken by force of the collision. Cut to outside view of the once pristine Lodge, now covered roof to ground in mud and debris. Camera zooms on the figure of Plucky emerging from the brown goop slowly. Behind him Hamton slides downhill through the mud with ease, coming to a stop beside him. The other toons emerge from the Lodge and join them.] Hamton: Plucky, are you alright? Plucky: [dazedly] Cowabunga! [He capsizes over into the mud.] [Suddenly cheers are heard off camera, followed by a loudspeaker announcement.] Jamie Farr: [voice over] And the winner of the Hotlips Hoolihan Hyper-Hotdog Extreme Challenge is...Plucky Duck! [more cheering off camera] Plucky: [coming-to] Wha-what was that? I won? [Jamie walks into the shot, bearing an oversize check and blue ribbon.] Jamie: That's right Mr. Duck! Our judges have never seen such a display of style and pluck under extreme circumstances, and so you win the competition! I'm pleased to present you with this first place ribbon and here's your check for ten thousand dollars! [He hands the large check to Plucky, who quickly mugs for some flash photos in a closeup. Suddenly the check is snatched out of his hands by someone off camera. A wide angle shot reveals a frowning, mud-speckled Loretta Swit holding the check.] Loretta: *This* just might be enough to cover the damage you did to my chalet! [turns on her heel and storms off] Oh, what a MESS! I haven't been this upset since I had to kiss Hawkeye in that one episode...! [All present watch her exit, then turn back to Plucky. He looks totally dejected, and hangs his head. Buster walks over, puts his hand on Plucky's shoulder and points to the blue ribbon.] Buster: Cheer up, duck! Nobody can take away *this* away! You still got judged first place! [Plucky perks back up as he looks at his ribbon.] Plucky: Hey! You're right, Buster! And not only that, there's no doubt that I won by a landslide! [Iris in on Plucky mugging a smile with closing fanfare music.] THE END ============================================================ Disclaimer para Lamers ============================================================ Tiny Toon Adventures and related characters are trademarked property of Warner Bros. Studios. The preceding is a work of fan fiction. The preceding is original material written by the author. Portions have appeared previously on Acme Acres BBS in Columbus, Ohio in cooperative fanfic writing with its sysop, who operates under the two known aliases of Buster and Babs Bunny. The author's segments may be found posted under the handle of Duncan. Only material original to the author has been included here. The bulk of this story, including the concept of "Switsurlund" and the focus on Plucky was created between February and May 1997. The idea for the cast of Tiny Toon Adventures to embark on a ski trip is hardly an exceptional one, nor was there any backstory or premise contributed originally. Still, out of the author's personal belief in truthful disclosure, it can be said that in this instance the proposal to have a Tiny Toons ski trip story was made by Chris Shirk. One final note on originality and coincidence: the ending gag of Monty melting the snow was written and posted for the cooperative fanfic on August 29, 1996. The author has since viewed a Pinky & the Brain episode which involves a plot using the Hubble telescope to melt the polar ice caps. Unsure of this episode's original air date, the author wishes to disclaim this as pure coincidence. Just proof that great brains think alike. Questions and comments may be directed to the author at: msherry@freenet.columbus.oh.us