I should think of a snappy title for this. By ? the Platypus {aka David Formosa } The story is a sequel to my story "abDUCKed." I present a summary here to avoid any danger of confusion. For some undisclosed reason Plucky dressed up as Shirley. Shirley's Aura confused by this entered his body and convinced him that he was she. Shirley's body deprived of it's aura was captured by Elmyra. Plucky (thinking he was Shirley) tried to keep a date with Plucky but found he had stood himself up because he couldn't attend a meeting that he was already at. So he enlisted the help of the other toons to help find Plucky. After a number of adventures they worked out what was happening and fixed it all up. I hope that clears things up, Now read on... Shirley stood in the darkened room, slime began to drip from her body. The caustic slime dissolving the floor, walls and roof. The air began to tighten around her chest, she stumbled. Shirley's body jolted up off her bed. She took a small dairy off her bed side table. "I like had that mondo strango dream again," wrote Shirley. "I must find its meaning or some junk. NOTE: The slime like resembles the cafeteria's chicken curry." Some distance away Buster was preparing his breakfast. He hit the remote and the TV burst into the news. "...and hit him with a fish. NEWS FLASH Starlet Babs Bunny was involved in a horrific car accident." There was a whoosh, and Buster's spoon dropped into the bowl. He arrived at the crash seen. Babs' car was impaled in a truck, limbs where scattered all over the road. Babs sat on the gutter covered in blood. "Babs! Are you all-right? Was any one hurt?" said Buster. "It's dreadful, dreadful" said Babs "my car's a complete write off." "What about the blood, the limbs?" Babs licked some of the blood off her fingers. "All props for the new Kutlery Killer movie 'Spork'." "So you are OK then." said Buster Babs grabbed her stomach in pain, after dry reaching a few times she coughed up the engine block from her car. "Perfectly." "Then off to school we go." said Buster. "Buster shouldn't you get dressed?" Some distance away a castle snapped into existence. It hovered above the ground a few second and dropped to the ground. A small green duck in a opera coat and two crumbling retainers stepped out. "Who's saying that about us?" asked one of the retainers, a large hen with a broken arm. "It's the narration Nanny." said the Duck straitening his bow tie and combing his hair. "I don't care if he comes from Africa!" said Nanny "He shouldn't say those dreadful things." "Narration Nanny not Nigerian. Igor the Bi-nock-u-lars please." said the Duck. "Yes m'lud" said Igor. The second of the retainers, a small wizened man, handed him the glasses. The duck focused it on the small forum at the entry of Acmeloo. There Plucky, Shirl, Buster (now dressed) and Babs where chatting, every so often Babs would cough up a car part or two. "Isn't she a wonderful looking chick." He said. Shirley blasted Plucky. "And a virgin as well." said Igor "You mean she's another one who she doesn't eat meat?" said Nanny "I'm not," said Duckula "that kind 'suck there blood dry and leave them' type of Duck. I'm interested in there souls and personality." "You are a count of the house of Duckula. You must keep up the noble tradition of your family." Igor said "Anyway she is an American, everyone knows they have no Souls." "Then how do they walk?" said Duckula "Very droll m'lud." said Igor. Count Duckula focused his optics on the toons. By concentrating he could just make out the words. "Babs what'a we got next?" asked Buster collecting up his books. "Compulsory-Boring-Meaningless-Subject" said Babs. The toons walked to their room. It was a sewing room. They looked around sewing machines, over-lockers, patterns and a dummy. After kicking Elmyra out they explored the room. "What vis this?" said Fifi picking up a corset from the clothing pile. "Its a corset or some junk." Said Shirley "You use it like this...wrap it around your midriff...is that like comfortable?" Fifi nodded. "And pull it tight or some junk." The corset imploded pushing all Fifi's blood to her head and feet. She took on a highly attractive 'Hourglass' look. "Ugt!" said Fifi. "Ugt?" asked Shirley. "Ugt." replied Fifi. "You want me to like help you out of the corset or some junk." "Ugt Ugt." Shirley undid the bow, Fifi's body elastically returned to its correct shape, the pent up force firing the undergarments with alarming speed. With a powerfull snap it caught Babs in the back of the head sending her flying. The ends of the corset became tangled between two desks stretching out like a great sling shot. Babs briefly slowed before she reversed and was fired. Like a Bunny missile Babs flew past though the rows of desks, and with the falling pins sound into Buster. Babs (kneeling on the fallen Buster) said, "Well that wasn't all bad." Her face took on a contorted look as she spat out a distributer cap. Anything further was halted by the entry of Granny. "For our first lesson we will be making pants." she said. "PANTS!?" cried the toons. "Of all the..." said Buster. "...useless..." said Babs. "...la moronic..." said Fifi "...stupid..." said Plucky. "...like mindless..." said Shirley. "...things to make us make." said Buster. "Here are your patterns and your material." said Granny. The toons set to work at their pants. Deep in concentration (tongue sticking out) Buster worked on creating his masterpiece of leg-wear. Babs would run her machine for a few seconds stop, yawn, talk a little, and run her machine some more. Plucky sewed like an expert. Unaware that a thread of his shirt had become tangled in the machine and he was being unstitched typewriter style. Fifi's tail swished from side to side behind her threatening to become meshed in other's work. Behind her, Shirley sewed using her 'Hands Free' method. Behind her Plucky slowly crept up. Suddenly he leapt upon her, spontaneously a violence obscuring dust cloud rose. From it there where cries of, "Stop struggling I'm doing this for your own good." "Like get you hands off me you swamp duck." "My face, my beautiful face." "Like take that or some junk." "Ouch" "Moo" "It like serves you right you mmmmm...." The dust cleared, Shirley's arms where folded back and tied together, her legs where tied and her bill taped shut. Plucky began to drag her away. A sawing knife glowed, vibrated and then floated to Shirley's hands. She cut her bindings and ripped off the gag. Now armed she stepped towards Plucky, it took all of Babs and Fifi's strength to prevent Shirl from doing Plucky some serious damage. Spotting his chance to escape, Plucky did. After a few minutes Shirley regained her composure and dropped the knife, amazed at what she had done. As the girls left the sewing rooms they chattered. "I wonder why Plucky's acting so odd." Said Babs "First he dressed up like you and just now he tried to kidnap you." "I think ve author is, how you say it, a voyeur." said Fifi. Fifi was buried underneath half a ton of truffles. "He should be like caponized or some junk." "Who? Plucky or the author." asked Babs. Shirley opened her bill to speak but was interrupted by Count Duckula tripping over himself and falling before Shirley. "Oh I am sorry." said the Count. "Thats like OK, its not like everyday handsome men like fall at my feet or some junk." said Shirl. High above them Plucky groaned as he pulled (via a rope) an anvil into position. Looking at Duckula and Shirley flirting he pulled a little harder. The count stepped back onto a taped cross, Plucky released the anvil. The anvil whistled as it fell. Next to Plucky's foot the rope unwound. Pluck looked down and saw that the end of the rope was tangled in his feet. "Mother" he said as he was suddenly jerked along the Anvils path. "And then I said '...*CLANG*" Count Duckula's joke was cut short by the anvil. "...Please get the number of that...*THUMP*" Count Duckula's confused ramblings was cut short by Plucky landing on him. "Plucky! Jealousy is like mondo self destructive or some junk." said Shirley. Shirley untied the anvil. Grabbing the rope she swung it about her head. "ArrrrrRRRRRRrrrrrRRRRRRrrrrRRRRRRrrrrRRRRR" Screamed Plucky. Faster and faster she spun until the duck turned into a blurry green disk and let go. "AAAAaaaaaarrrrrr..........SPLASH" Babs spun changed into a Butros Butros Galli, "And ve winner is Shirley" Plucky picked himself up, spat out the some water, picked off the reeds off his head and asked "How can SHE complain about me being jealous?" Shirley and Duckula begin to walk off, Plucky blocked them. "I'm not going to go down without a fight." said Plucky "Harmonicas at 10 paces, standard rules, for Shirley." Shirley stuck her hands on her hips and said "Humf. I'm like not property or some junk." "OK Mouth organs at 10 paces." said Duckula drawing his mouth organ and playing a brief riff. The sound was like Tom Cat meeting Elmyra (Feline or Jet plane you decide). Plucky replied with his own riff, stunned bats fell from the ceiling. The two exchanged riffs which then intermeshed much in the style of Dueling Banjos (but sounding more like a broken gear box). Around then glasses cleaned themselves, a number of toons had acute bowl pains and everybody's teeth rattled inside there heads. With her ears stuck in her ear holes Babs said "This music's so bad." Also with his ears stuck in his ear holes Buster said "I'm sorry I can't here you over this bad music." The 'entertainment' had progressed from the harmonica to out of control tap dancing and the piano accordion. In her excursions to the higher plans Shirley had sometimes heard the tortured cries of condemned sprints, she wished she was listening to them now. It ended when Plucky tried to demonstrate his keen sense of balanced by placing a bottle of nitroglycerine on his head. The explosion marked the end of the competition. Shirl and Duckula locked arms and walked off. Plucky landed a few Klicks (or miles in those countries who haven't embrased the Thruth thats metric.) away his burning tush extinguished when he landed in the swamp. Plucky, he took up a heroic posture (Cue ruffling flag and heroic type music.) and said "There is only one thing left to do, something so dangerous that it will require all my strength, so difficult that it will require all my skills, so torturous that it will require all my courage ... I'm going to ask for help." Meanwhile in the large Gothic castle on the outskirts of Acme Acres, Igor was in the castle's archives. "One of the web footed priestesses..." he read "...called cybills. These woman are the possessors of ancient wisdom and power. It is said if one kisses a vampire the evil within him will be released." Igor smiled "Evil at last Evil...Evil Evil!!" "Well I'll call the exterminators then." said Nanny. "What?" "Yes they get into the flour and then there's no stopping them. Nasty little things those weevils." Back at the forum Babs and Buster where playing wall ball. Plucky fell to Babs feet, grabbed her skirt and pleaded "Please you gotta help me. If Shirl kisses that guy it's the end for all of us." The ball bounced off Plucky's head with a coconut sound. "Pull the other one" said Babs "in fact stop pulling all together you're ruining my tenth best skirt." "Plucky," said Buster "why don't you ask Hamton? He normally likes to help you on these escapades." "Hammy's working with Calamity on something" said Plucky. Briefly the scene shifts to a top secret location where Hamton and Calamity are installing the "Acme go-fasta-tron 2000" in a crashed alien space craft. "Please I don't want to see Shirley get hurt," he begged "I looooooooooooooo..." Plucky was paralyzed. "I think Plucky's brains broke." said Buster. "...oooooooooooooooo....." said Plucky "And your first clue was?" replied Babs. They looked into his eyes. In little iridescent letters the words "Quack overflow system halted." was spelled out. "I think he needs to be re-booted" said Buster. "Way ahead of you." said Babs pulling on her best Doc Martens. There was a thump as boot hit butt and Plucky leapt a few meters into the air. ************************************************************* Mega Swamp Duck Operating System Loading Loading Self Knowledge... Loading Sympathy... Loading Ego.................................................. ...........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????? Warning Ego exceeds safe operating levels. Warning Shut down sequence was not activated there may be some loss of memory. Warning Device conflict (Wings vs Hands) Warning Your toast is ready. ************************************************************** While Plucky's brain loaded up (which took amazingly long considering) Babs and Buster chatted. "You know I think he is in fact sincere." said Buster. "No-wonder his brain crashed." replied Babs. "...ve her." said Plucky. Then looked around surprised. "OK Plucky we'll help you." said Buster. "You will!?" said Plucky "I mean of course you will. Quick to Shirley's house." "We can take my car" said Babs then burped up a tire. "if it wasn't lodged in my digestive tract." A few minutes later the toons where madly bicycling towards Shirley's house. They where briefly shadowed by a alien space craft before a part fell out and the alien space craft began to madly accelerate. We interrupt this fan-fic for Good Idea/Bad Idea. Good Idea: Teaching a canary to sit on your finger. Sweety flutters down and lands on Mr Skullhead's finger. Bad Idea: Teaching a duck to sit on your finger. Plucky flaps down and crashers on Mr Skullhead's finger overbalancing them both. Resulting in them lying on the ground in a twisted wreck. This Good Idea/Bad Idea was brought to you by bitter experience. Some time later they arrived at a Shirley's home. Shirl's red convertible was parked in the drive way, seeing this Plucky threw himself on it. In tears Plucky said, "In this car *SOB* we went on dates *SOB*..." "Such pathos." whispered Babs. "More like pathic." wispered Buster. "...and I then *SOB* I would say something and Shirl would hit me over the head. Why doesn't somebody hit me over the head." !THUNK! Babs returned the mallet to it's hiding place. "I just couldn't help myself." Plucky (now some what cheery) said, "Come on get lets get in. Babs your key please." Babs handed over Shirl's spare key, Plucky opened the door and sneaked upstairs to the bed room. Light streamed into Shirl's room, there was only the slightest hint of sandal wood and frankincense in the air. Plucky walked to the center of the mandala rug. "We are looking for a wooden jewelry box." announced Plucky as he proceeded to search her top drawers. Babs began to search Shirley's bookshelf, apart from religious scriptures from around the world there was a small photo album marked "PLUCKY". "Pluckster, Got any clue about this photo album." Plucky's eyes popped out of his head, he zapped over to Babs and snatched the book from her hands. Babs gave him a look, "Err...Umm...It contains ...urrr... Baby photos yes thats right Baby photos he he." Babs looked Plucky square in the eye. "You mean pictures of you crawling around naked." "yes" said Plucky in a tiny embarrassed voice. "Yo Plucky," Said Buster "Is this what your looking for." Plucky took the box and placed it on the table. Reverently he took a small key from his pocket and opened it. Resting in its red felt interior was shard of white and brown speckled eggshell. "I don't get it," Whispered Buster to Babs "what's so important about this egg shell." "It's not any old egg shell." Babs whispered back "It's Shirley's egg shell." Plucky took a deep breath and produced his Halo. Terrified Babs and Buster stepped back. Plucky lowered the Halo onto the egg. Some distance away Shirley and Duckula's lips moved towards each other. The Halo glowed above Shirley's head, her eyes glowed, Duckula's lips approached closer and made contact with a clothing iron. "Arrr..." screamed Duckula in pain he rose his eyes to Shirley, and was struck dumb. Shirl's body was bathed in heavenly light. "Would you like buy me the most expensive meal in the place or some junk." said Shirley. "YYYeeeessss." said Duckula and promptly did. "Like shopkeep" said Shirl "would you mind terribly if I like knocked down this load bearing wall or some junk." "Yeah go ahead." said the Shopkeep. Shirley drew a mallet, drew it back and gave the wall the slightest tap. Cracks worked there way from the point of impact, chunks of plaster fell from the roof, then the building imploded. The toons pulled themselves out of the ruins. "Yer made a great improvement to my place Thank you Shirley." said the shop keep. Shirley stopped, closed her eyes and began to chant "Ohwhatalooniam, Ohwhatalooniam..." Applying her great psychic skills she broke the Halo's spell. Released from its holding power Duckula and the Shop keeper turned on her. "You demolished my place." "You flattened my face." Back in Shirley's house, Plucky lifted the dyeing Halo. "Now, " said Plucky "to get out of here before..." The door slammed shut and locked itself with a click. Plucky turned for the window, it fell shut. The toons backed into the center of the room. There was a flash of lighting, the lights briefly flickered and there was Shirley fuming. She grabbed a heavy iron censor (a present from BS&P) "Like see you in Heck PLUCKY" She drew it above her head and "Ding Dong." The world paused, only a dramatic breeze blew. "Ding Dong. Acme Nth class mail." Shirley let go off her weapon leaving it hovering in the air, beneath it a petrified Plucky. Shirley took her letter and read it. "Dear Shirley, Don't like Don't kill Plucky. He is only like following my orders or some junk. If you where to like kiss Duckula all heck would like brake loose. I like told Plucky to stop you and wiped the memory to preserve the time stream or some junk. So you can't blast Pluck, like major drag haugh? Like Kudos or some junk Shirley McLoon P.S. I like promised Plucky a date for doing this for us sorry." Shirley lowered the censor to the ground, "I'm like sorry," she said "for almost blasting you into oblivion or some junk. Now I like have to deal with all this icky guilt." Shirley took Pluckys hand. "Ok lets like get on with this date, my dear little matrilist." The two lovers left and a few seconds later Shirl's converatable backed out of the driveway. "I can never work thouse two out." Said Buster. The car accelerated away. "I wounder if I could borrow Shirley's car." said Babs. Sometime later beneath a star light sky, Plucky and Shirl watched the fireworks as a space craft overheated and exploded. Shirley rested her head on Plucky's shoulder knowing that he wouldn't ruin this moment with a tactless comment... THE END ...as she had duck taped his mouth shut.