The Toony Limits: Episode I: Bugsis Series created by Matt Bermann Written by Matt Bermann (pw@wave.co.nz) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- 21st March, 1997. Hi there. A couple of days ago, I came up with the idea of doing a series of unrelated TTA short stories in an anthology, in a similar style to The Outer Limits. Asimov fans might recognize this episode, as it's loosely based upon his short story, 'Thespis'. So, here it is.. I hope you enjoy this, the first in a series of short stories from the darker side of Toonity. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dedication is a virtue, but, sometimes, dedication can transcend the norm and become a dangerous thing. A student should respect his mentor above near all else. The student, however, should not forget those other, but not lesser, things . . . * * * * * * * * * * * Babs shivered a little as she opened the door. It was a warm, sunny day outside. Why was she in here? She pondered why she was bothering to come down in here when she knew Buster would be just watching old Looney Tunes shorts and wouldn't be very talkative. 'Oh well,' she thought to herself. She wandered down the corridors of the film vault, looking around at the rows upon rows of film canisters. Why was it always so cold in here? "Buster?" she called into the darkness, straining to hear anything other than the echo of her own voice. "In the projection room, Babsie." Of course. The projection room. She sighed a little, and made her way in. Buster was sitting at the rear of the room with a few canisters and a leatherbound book. He smiled and waved her over. "Look at this, Babs!" "Hmm?" He pulled her over and showed her the page he was reading. "Look, I've found a list of Bugs' earliest shorts in here, with a complete review of each one. I've got the shorts here," he said, patting the canisters, " and I'm going to watch them as I read the reviews." Babs took the book and leafed through the pages, noting the titles of the shorts as she did. They all seemed familiar to her, until she turned to the last page. She blinked a little in surprise as she read the title. "Bugsis." Buster's ears perked up a little as Babs mentioned this title, and he frowned. "I've found every single one except that one. I've searched high and low, and it's not here." Babs stroked her chin for a moment, and started reading the review. "Bugs Bunny .. supposed to be released alongside 'A Wild Hare' .. yaddayadda .. 1940 scifi parody short, blah blah, a letdown compared to his other works, yackity schmackity, not well thought of by Bugs, and not released to the public." "That's the only Bugs Bunny short I've never seen." said Buster, sulking. "Well.. we both know the star of that short, why don't you ask him if he's got a copy of it somewhere?" Buster brightened up at that prospect. "Let's go!" he yelped, jumping out of his seat and grabbing Babs by the wrist. He sprinted out of the vault, dragging Babs behind him. "Me and my big mouth." she sighed. * * * * * * * * * * * "Bugs! Bugs!" cried Buster as he burst through the door, book in one hand, agitated pink Bunny in the other. "Huh?" asked Bugs, looking up from his desk. Buster threw the book onto Bugs' desk shortly before slamming into it himself, panting for breath. "Eeh.. what can I do for ya, kiddo?" asked Bugs, with a confused expression on his face. "Read this!" said Buster, pointing and panting. Bugs blinked, shrugged, and started reading. He stopped as soon as he saw the title. "Oh, no.." "Oh..no?" asked Buster, looking a little confused. Bugs stood and turned away from his desk. "I thought I'd finally fergotten dat one." "Forgotten..? Why?" asked Babs. "Because it was terrible, kiddo. Useless, horrible, terrible. I had da film destroyed." "D-d-d..d...d" stammered Buster, staggering backwards in shock. Bugs just gritted his teeth and stared out of the window. Seeing that Bugs was not going to talk any more, Babs turned towards the door, grabbng Buster by the collar. "We better go." * * * * * * * * * * * "You heard Bugs, Buster. Just forget about it." Babs put the book onto a desk and patted Buster on the shoulder. "No, Babs, I'm not going to. He's my mentor.. I'm supposed to learn from him. Part of that is watching every production he's ever been in." "Buster, you can't watch it if it was destroyed.." "Watch me." Buster stood and marched off, leaving Babs wondering what he was planning. Buster stormed around a corner, and smiled a little as his destination loomed into view. The Looniversity physics labs. He sped up a little and entered the labs. The usual cacophony of explosions and other miscellaneous experimental noises flooded his ears as he walked in. Toons in white coats ran back and forth, most of them carrying test tubes with various chemicals contained within. Buster made his way through the labs towards his destination, and smiled again as the person he wanted to see entered his vision. "Hiya, Calamity!" he said, patting his friend on the back. Calamity jumped, and whirled around to see who touched him. He let out a sigh of relief, and held up a sign. [Oh, it's you. Hi!] "Why so nervous?" [Big assignment due in today. I thought you were Wile E.] Buster looked down at himself. "I'm a little short." Calamity just smiled. "Calamity, I need to ask you a favour." [OK ... what?] "I need one of your patented Calamity Coyote time machines." Calamity sighed, rolled his eyes, and held up a sign, [ALWAYS with the time machines, oy...] * * * * * * * * * * * "I don't think you should do this, Buster," cautioned Babs, looking nervous. "Time travel never brings anything good about. You never saw Back to the Future?" Buster ignored her. "I'll be fine. I'm not going to rest until I've seen every Bugs Bunny short ever." Babs shook her head as Buster activated the time machine and disappeared. "No good will come of this.." * * * * * * * * * * * Buster felt himself tumbling backwards, spinning, spiralling through time. Suddenly, he wasn't. With a thump, he landed on a sidewalk. "Oof!" he exclaimed as he landed. Rising to his feet and rubbing his sore backside, he glanced around at his surroundings. He quickly dived behind a bush to conceal himself. He looked around in wonder at the sights, took in the sounds, the smells. 'This is fantastic..' he thought to himself, a gleam in his eye. Toons wandered everywhere down the busy street, lights flashed on and off, cars moved slowly along. Attention seemed to be drawn towards a theater on the opposite side of the street. Buster cocked his head a little to get a better view. He smiled as he saw the entrance to the theater and the smell of popcorn drifted in his direction. He looked down at the ground and noticed a slip of paper. Picking it up, he saw it was a flyer advertising the weekend's matinee. He skimmed over it quickly, not really interested, until he came to the bottom of the slip, and read, "Premiere: 'A Wild Hare, featuring Bugs Bunny'." His eyes lit up. 'That would make this 1940,' he thought to himself, 'Perfect.' He noticed a toon asleep on a park bench near the bush that was hiding him, and slipped quietly over to it. A dark coat was hanging on the bench, and Buster swiped it. Putting it on and tucking his ears down into its dark depths, he decided it concealed his bright 90's hues sufficiently to allow him to move around with the public. Stepping out onto the lit sidewalk, Buster soon found himself moving along with the steady flow of pedestrians. He dashed across the street, dodging a few cars as he went, until he was standing outside the theater. Stepping into the line, he pulled the coat around himself. "Here goes nothing ..." Slipping past the theater staff was easy for Buster, having learned his sneaking skills from the master himself, Bugs. Soon he found himself outside a nondescript door, obviously the doorway leading to the projection room. If 'Bugsis' was due to be released shortly after 'A Wild Hare', the canister of film should be in the projection room already. Sneaking quietly up the stairs, he heard the whirr of the projector first. He tiptoed into the room and saw the projectionist standing over the projector, feeding the film into it. A man in a suit approached him and folded his arms. "When'th the film going to be ready to play? The audience ith getting rethtleth!" 'Sheesh!', thought Buster, 'That guy sounds just like Daffy!' "Not long now, Mr. Schlesinger," said the projectionist, somewhat nervously, "I'm nearly done." "You'd better hurry it up or your bawthh will hear about thith!" Buster's heart jumped as he saw Bugs walk up to the two men, casually chewing a carrot. "Eeh, calm down a bit, doc." "I don't thee what YOU'RE so relakthed about, rabbit! Your unimportant little career ith riding on thith short!" Bugs smirked, "Ya say dat ta every actor, Leon. Whadda yew care 'bout dis short fer, anyway? It's da main feature yer int'rested in." "I care about making the cuthtomer happy! If the short falls short, tho doeth your career!" Bugs looked out from under an umbrella, covered with spittle from Leon's rant. "Eeh, the only thing dat's short is yer temper, Leon. Dis short'll toin out fine. Only bad ting is dat accent da director made me put on, yeesh. What's wrong wid da way I talk?" Leon rolled his eyes. "What ITHN'T wrong with it? We can't have thome weird rabbit from Brooklyn hamming it up on the thcreen!" Buster turned and tiptoed along behind the trio. He rounded a corner of the small projection room and came across a small pile of canisters. He quietly searched through the pile until he came across the canister he was looking for. He grabbed it and tucked it under his arm. His pulse racing, he scrambled towards the exit. In his haste, however, he failed to notice a cord running along the floor. The effect of this cord combined with his large rabbit feet was a negative one, and sent Buster and the canister flying across the room and into the wall. Buster shook the stars from his head, and looked up to see Bugs and Leon looming over him. "Uh.. hi." * * * * * * * * * * * "No harm done, other dan him tryin' ta swipe 'Bugsis' here." said Bugs, frowning a little. "Why'd ya try to swipe it, kid?" "Well, I, er," struggled Buster, nervously, "I'm a huge fan of yours, and-" "A fan? I ain't released anytin' 'till today, kid.." "Well, let's just say I know talent when I see it.." "OK, so ya wanted ta see it before what?" "Before you de-- er.. before you released it." "I wasn't goin' ta, I didn't like it.. but if it's good enough fer my biggest fan ta swipe it, it's good enough fer the public too." * * * * * * * * * * * Buster smiled as he looked down at the autographed photo that Bugs had given him. He made his way across the street and back to the bush he had previously hidden in, beaming with pride at the gift. Buster had succeeded, Bugsis wasn't going to be destroyed. Time to go home. * * * * * * * * * * * Buster dropped to the ground again as he re-emerged in his own time. His landing was heavier than he had expected, as he landed on a hard, grey rock. 'Hm,' he thought to himself, 'I could have sworn there was a field here.' Shrugging it off, he got to his feet, and blinked a few times. "Wait a minute," he said to himself, "this ain't right.. where am I, Two Tone Town?" He looked around at the surroundings. All around him was a desert, with nothing in sight for miles. A black-and-white desert. Something wasn't right. "Stupid time machine must have put me in Two Tone Tow--" Buster stopped talking as he looked down at himself. Not only was the desert around him black and white, HE was also black and white. "What the..?" He stood for a moment, before frowning and setting off in the direction he was facing. "I need a color touch-up." He put his hands into his pockets and trudged through the sand. Several hours later, a much more tired and thirsty Buster arrived at what looked to be a small, Western town. Looking around in confusion, he decided that having no idea where he was was secondary to getting a drink from the town. He made his way into the town and drank from a well. His thirst quenched, he set out to deal with his other problem. He approached a toon, a short duck. "Hey, buddy, where abouts is this place?" "This place?" replied the duck, "This is Acme Acres, in all its glory." Buster noted the sarcasm. "Acme Acres?" "Yeah, Acme Acres. Where've you been, we're a busy town nowadays. Welcome to the ninties!" "What, the 1890's?" "No, stupid, the 1990's." "WHAT? No way is this Acme Acres!" "Yer darn tootin' it's Acme Acres! This is the biggest town in all of.. well, in all of everywhere!" Buster blinked in confusion. "Uh.. is there a library around?" "Library? Sure, just down the road there." "Thanks." replied Buster, and started towards it. "Weird rabbit, that one." muttered the duck as he walked away. * * * * * * * * * * * Buster entered the library and coughed at the dust. A librarian sat, asleep, at a small desk. Buster decided not to bother waking him, and crept past. It didn't take him long in the small library to find the book he was looking for - 'Warner Bros., a short history of films and filmmaking'. He flipped through the pages, looking for the chapter on Bugs and animation, but it was conspicuous by its absence. Finally, towards the back of the book, he found a single, small entry. 'Bunny, Bugs - A short-lived actor, who attempted to take toon acting to humans. His first attempt, 'Hare-um, Scare-um', was wildly successful and earned him praise. However, shortly after this his downfall was released - an appalling short called 'Bugsis'. The response to this short from the public was so negative that Bugs was immediately fired from Warner Bros., thus ending the fledgling Looney Tunes attempt at stardom. The animation budget that Warner Bros. provided was cut off as a consequence, and without this not many more shorts were produced, and the budgets of those that were produced were so low that not even color paint could be afforded.' Buster gasped loudly as the pieces clicked together in his mind. He had, by attempting to steal it, convinced Bugs to release 'Bugsis'. The short had flopped, and Leon had fired Bugs immediately. Without Bugs' influence, toons in general never rose to popularity, hence the run-down and still uncolored Acme Acres. Without Bugs, Acme Looniversity was never built. Buster recoiled in horror, as the realization got worse and worse. If Acme Looniversity was never built, Babs would have no reason to move to Acme Acres, and would never meet him. Buster reached down to the time machine in his pocket and tried it. Of course, it didn't work, because Calamity never attended Acme Loo and thus never learned how to make a time machine. Buster pulled out the photo of Bugs, the only thing he had left. He was trapped. 'What have I done?' thought Buster to himself, 'WHAT HAVE I DONE?' He had his Bugsis, but at what cost? A few moments later, the librarian was woken by a shrill scream. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- And thus the first episode of 'The Toony Limits' is complete. Hey, I said it was a story from the darker side of Toonity. If you're a writer who wants to contribute a story to this fledgling series, please, send me an email with your idea, and I'll be more than happy to read it and if I like it, I'll make it an episode in the series. Hope you liked it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------